The Problem of Isolation - 4/12/2026

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Transcript

Tempo: 120.0

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Well, good morning, Alderwood. Congratulations to all of you that made it here at the end of spring break. Well done. You made it back. If you do not know me, if we haven't had a chance to meet, my name's Curtis. I um have the privilege of being one of the pastors here at Alderwood. So um, you know, this morning, before we jump in, I want to acknowledge something right up front, and it's right there on the screen for you. It is that our series is called Never Alone. Now, some of you heard that sentiment and immediately thought, Never Alone? Like never? No, thank you. I I opt out. Uh I just got the house quiet and I want the alone, right? Uh some of you are thinking, like, my favorite part of the day is when everyone goes to bed, the lights are off, no one is talking to me. I have my preferred drink of choice, and I get to pick what I want to watch. Uh like that sounds like heaven, right? I mean, and honestly, sometimes uh sames, uh, this is this is a picture of me. Uh and I am enjoying some some alone, okay? And uh this is my one of my favorite times. I am doing one of my favorite things by myself, watching my favorite football team. I know I am in dog territory, but as you can see, those are some USC Trojan socks fight on. And if you could see my top half, there is a matching shirt and hat to go with it, I am sure. But do you see anyone else in this living room on that other couch? You do not. Uh, there is no one asking me about the game, about the rules, about the teams. It is quiet. It is awesome, right? And sometimes this is a good thing, right? There is a real healthy and Jesus prescribed type of being alone. Space, quiet, rest, solitude. Jesus practice this. It's it's good for your soul. And that is not what we're gonna be talking about this morning. And we also are not gonna be about shaming that. But there's a real question that we actually need to wrestle with, and it's this what happens when being alone isn't refreshing anymore? It's not about getting alone to recharge. What happens when it's actually isolating? What happens when it's it's not something you choose, but it's something you feel stuck in? Because solitude and isolation or loneliness are two entirely different things. And and that's where this conversation starts to really matter to all of us. Because statistically speaking, about half of us in this room, we're lonely. And I'm not talking about just being the only person in a room, right? Not alone necessarily, uh, not in an empty house, uh, not lacking people around us. Like we go to school, to work, to our team sport, to Starbucks. We're surrounded by people. But what I'm talking about is carrying that kind of quiet underlying sense that says, I just don't feel known. I I don't feel deeply connected. When life gets real, I don't know who I could really open up to without being guarded or filtered. And the truth is, you can feel that way in a crowded room. You can feel that way in a marriage. You can feel lonely in a church, which means that loneliness isn't about proximity, it's about connection. And this isn't just a few people who are struggling quietly on the margins, right? The U.S. Surgeon General he recently put out uh a report that nearly one in two adults say that they experience loneliness. One in three say they feel it regularly. And as you look at younger demographics, younger adults, it's even higher. Nearly half say they feel lonely on a consistent basis. So if you look around the room right now, this isn't someone else's issue. This is actually our issue. What makes this even more confusing is something that Wyatt touched on last week, that we are living in the most connected time in human history. Right? Like we have near constant access to other people. We we can text, DM, group chat, FaceTime, you name it. We literally have access to anyone anytime we want. And yet loneliness isn't decreasing, it's increasing. So we have to ask another question. If we're more connected than ever before, why do we feel more disconnected than ever before? And this is where it stops being just emotional. Like I'm I'm lonely. It's an emotion, but it becomes really serious because it affects other parts of our lives. Research actually shows that chronic loneliness doesn't just affect how you feel, it actually affects your whole life, your being. It's linked to anxiety, depression, increased stress, and even physical issues like heart disease, weak amute, a weakened immune system. Some studies that I read this last week actually suggest that prolonged loneliness has the comparable effect of smoking 15 cigarettes a day. So think about this. If there was anything that impacted half of the population, it was getting worse every year, it carries that kind of mental, physical, and emotional impact. We probably wouldn't call that a personality trait. We would call it a problem. We might even, as the Surgeon General has said, call it an epidemic. Which means this isn't about whether you prefer to be alone. This isn't about how you recharge. I'm an introvert, right? Like that's not what this is about. This is about how you were designed intentionally to live. And what's fascinating is this the Bible actually names this problem before anything in the world goes wrong. While the world is still perfect, loneliness is named as a problem. Before humanity sins, before you and I, before our people who represented us in the scriptures fell into sin and decided, I want to be the master of my own destiny. I don't need God. Before brokenness, before pain enters the story, God looks at a perfect world he's created. He's orchestrated from the chaos, a place for his covenant partners to dwell with him, and he says, something isn't right. Something is amiss, something's wrong. And if you have your Bible this morning, I'm gonna make it super easy for you because our passage we're starting with, you're gonna open to the very beginning of the Bible. If you don't have a Bible, there are some just in front of you in the chairs in front of you. You can grab one of those, or it'll be on the screen. But you can turn to Genesis, very first book of the Bible. You're gonna look for that large number two, that's chapter two, and we're gonna start in verse 18. And it says this. Now, before we understand what's happening here, you have to understand God has just been creating and orchestrating everything that we know of in creation. And after he creates anything, he says that it's good. Sun, moon, stars, good, day, night, good, plants, animals, good, man, very good. And then something shifts. And he says it's not good for the man to be alone. I want to pause here because I think it's really important for us to understand this passage correctly. When we read this, if you're familiar with this passage, it's very easy to go. I know where this story goes. Okay. The answer to loneliness is marriage. No. That's not the answer. That's not even what this passage is ultimately about. Yes, it is about marriage. There's a that's going on here in this story. We're gonna see the first man and wife that this verse is about something bigger than marriage. It's about human connection and flourishing. And think about the moment that this is said, right? Everything has been good. It's perfect creation. There's no sin, no brokenness. And even more than that, Adam, the only person on the planet, has a perfect relationship with God, and yet God says it is not good for the man to be alone. So even a perfect relationship with God was not meant to replace human connection. So often in church, we say things that sound really good but are theologically inaccurate. Like all you need is Jesus. All you need is God. Apparently, by God's own words, he doesn't even agree with that sentiment. Right? He created you intentionally. We do need Jesus for flourishing, for salvation, but it would appear that God created us with both a vertical need for relationship and a horizontal one. We're created for community, intentionally designed for both types of relationship. So this isn't just a married people thing. Right? This is for the single person, this is for the student, the widowed, the divorced, the person who wants to be married, and quite frankly, the person who doesn't want to be married. Because if we reduce the solution to loneliness to marriage, we're gonna miss the point. There are married people who are deeply lonely. And there are single folks who are deeply connected and thriving. So this isn't a marital status issue. It's whether you are living in meaningful, God-designed relationships. Okay. Now we got that squared away. Let's get back to our passage. Okay. Starting in verse 18 again. Then the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper corresponding to him. These are two key words we're going to come back to. The Lord God formed out of the ground every wild animal and every bird of the sky and brought each to the man to see what he would call it. And whatever the man called the living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the livestock, to the birds of the sky, and to every wild animal, but for the man no helper was found corresponding to him. Now, here's what we have: a pageant of potential community for the man. And here's what happens no one is found. Nothing in all of creation matches the problem, is the answer to the problem. Right? I love my dog. He he he loves me more than maybe any other person I know, right? I leave to go get the mail, and he greets me when I come back through the door like I've been gone for two weeks. It's fantastic. But if all I had was him, I'd be lonely. You might be, Curtis, no, I have 40 cats. I would submit you're lonely too. Okay. But God says, I will make a helper corresponding. And so then we continue on. It says, So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to come over the man and he slept. God took one of his ribs and closed the flesh at that place. Then the Lord God made the rib he had taken from the man into a woman and brought her to the man. God says, I will make a helper corresponding to him. There are a couple of things we have to unpack here. Otherwise, we might misunderstand this passage. The word helper is the Hebrew word azer. It's a word throughout the Old Testament, most commonly attributed and often referenced and to refer back to God, that He is our ever-present help, our help in times of need. God, I would submit, is not subservient. So this isn't a subservient word. Woman was created to be man's equal. Adam didn't get a glorified intern to do the grunt work he didn't want to do in the garden. Right? He received a partner who corresponded, that's that other word, to him. Someone who matched him, someone who fits in the grand scheme of creating human community, someone who's like him, who can truly know him and be known by him. In other words, Adam didn't just need company, he needed connection. Adam didn't just need someone near him, but someone who could share life with him. And this is what we have to see here. Is the problem or what was not good for Adam was not his relationship status. It was that Adam was alone. And the same need is actually true for us today because you were created for relationships where you can be known, loved, valued, challenged, pointed toward God. You need more than just to be surrounded by people. You need to be connected to them. And loneliness doesn't just feel bad. According to God, it is not good for our intended being. And we see actually in Genesis chapter 3, we find not only did sin enter the world and break the vertical relationship with our Creator, but it broke the horizontal relationship. It fractured human community. Because the first thing that humans did when they chose their own way was to shame, blame shift, and hide who they truly are from one another. And we still do it. The writer of Ecclesiastes, Wisdom Literature in the Old Testament, gives us some wisdom and insight into the problem of loneliness in Ecclesiastes chapter four. You might uh be very familiar with the second part of this passage that I'm gonna share because we like always use it at weddings, even though it's not about a married couple. But we do it. Okay. So here, the first part might not be as familiar. So hang, okay. There is a person without a companion, without even a son or a brother. And though there is no end to all his struggles, his eyes are still not content with riches. This person has worked hard, they have amassed wealth, and look at the question they ask. Who am I struggling for? He asks, and depriving myself of good things. This too is futile and a miserable task. Now to the more well known portion. Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their efforts. For if either falls, his companion can lift him up. But pity the one who falls without another to lift him up. Also, if two lie down together, they can keep warm. But how can one person alone keep warm? And if someone overpowers one person, two can resist him, a cord of three strands is not easily broken. See, isolation leads to exhaustion without satisfaction. In order to stay isolated, you are going to have to work at it. And you will work and toil in life and then find that you are exhausted, but you have no one. You will not satisfy the longing that is intended and placed within you for connection. The writer is asking, without the benefit of relationships in my life, what am I even doing? What am I working for? All of the riches I've amassed are worthless with no one to share them with. And then he contrasts that with what community and human connection provide: support when we fail, warmth in time of need, protection when we feel attacked. So who helps you when you fall? Think about it in your life. And who do you make yourself available to to help them when they fall? Who do you call when the marriage gets difficult? When the kids are a mess, when when you're struggling with that same old temptation that just keeps coming back again and again for one more piece of you? When you lose the job or you miss the promotion, you fail the test, you don't make the team, someone who you trusted hurts you. Who do you reach out to when you feel lonely? Loneliness isn't just emotional, it leaves us more vulnerable spiritually and mentally. What's interesting is the statement at the end of this passage about the cord of three strands. Did you catch that? Because all along it was two people, two people, one person, and if they have another, and I my mathing may not be great, but I am fairly positive, I think, that one person plus one person equals two people. So what's this thing about three strands? Well, this is third strand represents a relationship between these two parties and a third party, their devotion to the Lord. A court of three strands is not easily broken. See, what he's saying is that there's a vertical relationship with God. And we we just we found last week as we looked at the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus, that that's afforded us that connection to God by the sacrifice of his son Jesus. That connection makes connections with other humans. That vertical connection makes that horizontal connection even deeper and more vibrant than it could ever be without him. The inverse is also true. That healthy relationships with other followers of Jesus, that horizontal relationship, increases the intensity and connection in that vertical relationship with God. It's one of the big reasons why when Jesus was questioned about what is the greatest commandment, right? The religious leaders come to him, they go, What's the greatest commandment? They're trying to trip him up. He answers this way Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important commandment. Stop. Jesus stops there, and every Jew there is going, Yes and amen. Say it louder for the people in the back. But then he continues, which is not something they expected. The second is like it, love your neighbor as yourself. Jesus puts these on an even playing field and says, Both are necessary for human flourishing. You need both. One of Jesus' students, man named John, was present when Jesus said this, and it prompted his understanding of what he writes later on in a book we now call 1 John. In 1 John chapter 4, verse 20, he says, This if anyone says I love God and yet hates his brother or sister, he is a liar. For the person who does not love his brother or sister whom he has seen cannot love God, whom he has not seen. So relationship with God and meaningful Christ-centered relationships, horizontal and vertical, go hand in hand. And scripture doesn't just describe isolation as something that happens to a person, it actually warns against the pursuit of it. We actually sometimes pursue this alone in unhealthy ways. Proverbs 18 says it this way: one who isolates himself pursues selfish desires. He rebels against all sound wisdom. Now, maybe for some of us, loneliness didn't just happen. It didn't just happen upon us. It was a decision we made after being deeply hurt by another individual or a group of people. And we get into a defense mechanism where we say, I'm not doing that again. I won't let anybody hurt me again. And the way that we do that is we make vows within ourselves, which is, I won't let someone get that close again. Then it can't happen. Betrayal and abandonment are real and core hurts in the human existence. And this reaction, I'm not shaming it, it makes sense. It totally makes sense. It feels safer. But over time, what begins to happen is what started as a defense mechanism or a protective relational barrier becomes isolation. What we thought would guard our hearts slowly begins to harden them. And here's what's so powerful. When we're at our most guarded, when we are our most shut off to others, when we are hiding our truest selves deepest, that is not when God pulls back. It's actually when Jesus stepped into the human story. We withdraw to protect ourselves, but Jesus moved toward us to restore us. Jesus understands us. He's deeply acquainted with betrayal and abandonment. The prophet Isaiah in the Old Testament was looking forward to the coming Jesus, and he says this of him. A man of suffering who knew what sickness was, and he was like someone people turned away from, like they couldn't even condescend to look at him. He was despised and we didn't value him. So maybe you pulled away from connection and isolated yourself. Or maybe you were abandoned and betrayed and left alone by those whom you trusted to be there for you. Either way, we still have a deep longing to be known, which raises the question: what does God do with people like us? When we're hurt, when we're guarded, when we're hiding, we find ourselves lonely. Again, what we see in Jesus is that he didn't stay distant, he moved toward us and stepped into humanity. We just came out of Good Friday and Easter, and between those two events, like Good Friday, right? Jesus shares a final meal with his closest friends, and then he heads off to a garden called Gethsemane to pray. In his darkest and and most needy moment, he sets out with some friends and he tells them, I need you to stay diligent. Be with me in my hour of need. In Matthew 26, he says, This, sit here while I go over there and pray. He doesn't say sit here while I go somewhere else far off. He's like stones throw from them. And Jesus goes to pray to the Father in agony, knowing the cross is before him, the blood vessels in his forehead begin to burst, and he's sweating blood. He's so distressed. And what he asks for from his friends who are closest to him is stay close, be a comfort, stay present. Says he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. Did you hear that? Jesus was asking for companionship, for comfort. In his hour of greatest distress, Jesus asked his human friends to support him and be present. Jesus wasn't pretending to be fine. Aren't we so good at that? How are you? Fine. No, you're not. It's a convenient answer. Jesus wasn't pretending. He wasn't self-isolating. And here's the thing Jesus had every reason to, because unlike us, he has foreknowledge, which means he knows that in moments this very group of men will abandon him completely. He invites his people into his pain. And then what happens? Then he came back to the disciples. He found them sleeping. This is heartbreaking abandonment and lazy betrayal. In this moment of greatest distress, the people closest to him were not present with him. He was with his people and alone. Jesus knows what it's like to ask for support and not receive it. He knows what it's like, like many of us, to feel the weight of something that we believe no one else fully understands. To be surrounded by people and still feel utterly alone. Whatever your experience with loneliness, Jesus is not unfamiliar with it. See, at the beginning I said something that might have felt a little heavy. That loneliness isn't just a feeling, it's widespread, it's increasing, and as a people, as humanity, it is shaping us. That when something affects half the population, impacts mental, physical, emotional health, and continues to be on the rise, we don't call it a preference. I'm just an introvert. That's not what introvert means. We call it a problem. We might even call it an epidemic. Here's what I don't want you to miss. God saw this problem before we ever learned how to measure it. Long before there was a study or statistics, God looked at humanity in a perfect world and he said, It is not good for the man to be alone. This means that your loneliness is not something to be dismissed or swept under the rug. It is not something to be ashamed of. Loneliness, in fact, is a signal. It is a signal to yourself that you were designed for something more, to be known, to be loved, to walk with others who point you to Jesus. The good news of the gospel is this that you are not left alone in your loneliness. Jesus doesn't stand at a distance and yell, figure it out. He stepped into the human story. He knows what it's like to be misunderstood. He understands what it's like to be abandoned, to ask for support, comfort, and companionship, and then not receive it from those he trusted most. And through his life, death, and resurrection, he doesn't just forgive our sins. He brings us back into relationship. First with God, vertical, and then into a people, horizontal. The answer to loneliness isn't just try harder, be more social, pray. The answer is stepping into the kind of community God designed you for. And that is not always easy. Like for some of us, the hardest step is going to be letting yourself be known, letting a wall down. For others, it's going to be taking the risk to move towards someone else and trying to know them. But healing from isolation and loneliness, it begins with just a step. We have some steps for you here at Alderwood. We'd love for you to be connected. We believe in it so much. It's one of our values, connecting deeply with others. Today, if you are new with us, you've been at Alderwood for a short time. You don't really know who we are, you're just checking us out. Maybe you came last week for the first time on Easter. Welcome back. We would love to get to know you, and we're doing something today. You'll have to come back for it. This is not till 12:30, but uh we have Discover Alderwood over in the manor on the west end of the building. Come have a meal with us. Learn what Alderwood's all about. Meet our staff, meet some other people who are in your shoes, who are new to Alderwood as well. Maybe for you, it's just time to join us during midweek. Come out this Wednesday. We're gonna start Alpha, where we just from eight from grades fourth all the way through the oldest adult of our congregation, we're gonna be doing the same thing. Discovering what it looks like to follow Jesus, asking tough questions about faith. But for you, this may be a great first step. Come sit at a table, share a meal, answer some questions, get to know somebody. But here's the final question I want to actually leave you with. Where's one place? If it's not those two places, where's one place? You can take a step toward real connection this week. And I don't mean a surface level question that you ask your neighbor. Maybe that's like the beginning to the conversation, right? But not like, how's the weather? That was like a really crazy false spring we had a week ago, huh? Don't you guys hate that? I do. It's not just showing up, like sitting at a Starbucks surrounded by strangers, but actually letting yourself be known. Because loneliness may be widespread, it may even feel like an epidemic, but in Genesis 2, God already told us something that still holds true today, and that is this it is not good for you to be alone. The beautiful truth of the gospel is this: you don't have to be. You were never designed to do this life alone, and in Christ, you do not have to. Let me pray for us, and then will you join us in worship as our students come back out and lead us in worship? God, thank you that you created us with this innate need not only to be connected to you, but you gave us each other someone to stand with us through life that was like us, that we could know and in turn know. They could know us. God, I pray for the lonely in this room today. Would you help them to find meaningful connection? I pray for those who don't feel alone. Would they broaden and widen their circle to invite others in? And I know, God, that it's so risky to attempt this not being alone. Because if we're honest, we can be pretty awful. But when we're following after you and pursuing you and looking to do this right, this can be a community that is the most beautiful gift that you've given. Jesus, thank you for restoring relationship not only with the Father, but with one another. It's in your name we pray. Amen.