Coaching Conversations

Coaching People Full of Crap (said that nicely)

August 05, 2022 Tim Hagen
Coaching Conversations
Coaching People Full of Crap (said that nicely)
Show Notes

What I'm about to share is not going to be very popular. What I'm about to share is not going to be well received by everybody. The other day, I was talking to somebody that works at a manufacturing plant, and this person was a friend of a friend and the friend had asked me to speak to him and talk to him about his performance. I said, sure, but I said, I don't know the guy so I want to be very clear that I, I'm not going to challenge him as normally as I would. We sat down and we started to talk, and I asked how things were going and he immediately went on complaining about management. He had been at the company about six months now, again, this is not everybody, yet I want to provide a solution at the end. It’s called the co-authored conflict. I taught my guys when I coached volleyball how to do this, I teach this, for people when they do team development. When you co-author conflict, meaning how do we have conversations of conflict when it arises? As the conversation ensued, I started to take notes and I said, would you mind if I took some notes? He said, sure. And I asked him how things were going. I was up to nine things he was frustrated with. And I said, so is there anything else you'd like to add? He said, no. I said, okay. I said, would you mind if I state back to you what I heard? What I heard you say, non-emotionally, just factually are the following. I read back the nine items. He goes, yeah, I think you have it for the most part. 

 

And I said, well, I'm going to state back something to you. I said, I asked you how things were going. You listed nine things that frustrated you, which you just confirmed. And he had this expression of, oh crap. I said, no. I said, I, I get, I get it. You don't know me. I said, we're just talking. And you've been here six months. I asked you how things were going. You didn't list one positive thing. So, I have two questions for you. Why are you here? And what have you done in the last 12 months to better yourself, professionally and personally? What have you done on your own to invest in you? So again, what have you done on your own to invest in you? And he couldn't answer that question. And I said, so you've been here for six months. You listed nine things. Why are you still here? And he said, well, you know, I, I, I don't know. I, you know, I was looking at a job and you know, I, a friend of mine suggested I work here. I said, so how do you think you've represented your friend who opened the door for you to get this job who asked me to speak with you? He said, well, probably not well. Well. I said, okay, well, this has been a great conversation. He was just shocked. He said, well, you didn't give me your opinion. And I said, yeah, I, I didn't want to give it to you. I didn't know if you're the type of person I'd want to give an opinion to. He said, why would you say that? I said, because I asked you how things were going you listed nine negative things. You've been here six months. You can't answer anything, anything in terms of what you've done in the last 12 months for yourself. So, I'm not so sure you're the best candidate to receive feedback. Again, he has this look of fear and uncomfortableness come over him.

 

He said, no, I'd really be interested. I said, great. I said, could we do something? He said, sure. I said, when I give you my feedback, I don't want your response. He said, excuse me. I said, I just want you to digest it. I'll get back together with you. I'll spend time with you, but I don't want your feedback in the moment because you asked for it. But if you're asking for it to argue with me, I would just prefer not to have an argument. So, I give him the feedback. I said, geez, you've been here six months, you've listed nine negative things. You haven't done anything to invest in yourself. People like you put yourself in a category of Bleacher people. You sit in the bleachers, you don't go above and beyond the call of duty, l