You can now text us anonymously to leave feedback, suggest future content or simply hurl abuse at us. We'll read out any texts we receive on the show. Click here to try it out!

"I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."

There's more than a grain of truth in what Anakin Skywalker says in one of cinemas most cherished and beloved moments, during the universally acknowledged high point of the entire Star Wars franchise, STAR WARS: EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES. This week we're discussing Sand and yes that really is the title of this week’s Top 5. Top 5 Sand.

Carlos Kaiser was a professional footballer for more than a decade, played for four of Brazil's top clubs and was a teammate of the 1994 World Cup winner Bebeto. There's just one catch: during his entire career he never actually made an appearance. The documentary KAISER! THE GREATEST FOOTBALLER NEVER TO PLAY FOOTBALL explores the extraordinary lengths he went to in order to fabricate a career including:

• bribing ball-boys to chant his name during matches so he would appear to be a cult hero
• paying youth-team players to injure him in training so that he wouldn't be able to play
• scaling a fence to start a fight with opposition supporters to avoid being brought on as a substitute
• justifying that fight to the furious team owner - arguably the most dangerous criminal in Brazil - by claiming that he had been defending his name. a move that earned him a new contract
• posing as superstar Renato Gaúcho to gain access to clubs and women

An extraordinary and at times uncomfortable story told in a tonally jarring way that never seriously humanises its subject or forces him to confront the many troubling aspects of the tale relating to sexual consent. Maybe not a great documentary but an interesting story nonetheless and accessible to non-football fans.

We finish up this week with REN & STIMPY in the specially selected and fondly remembered episode "Son of Stimpy". Starting outside a quiet, modest suburban house at Christmas for a true story they just made up, Stimpson J. Cat is watching television when he accidentally breaks wind. Attempting to convince Ren of this virgin birth but to little avail and with his 'son' Stinky lost in the big city, Stimpy is heartbroken and falls into a deep depression with Ren's persistent sexual advances an unwelcome distraction. Thankfully Stinky eventually returns home with his fiancée, a discarded fish head, and the rejuvenated cat can officiate at their wedding allowing the marriage to be consummated in one of Ren's nostrils. Absolutely mental.

We love to hear from our listeners! By which I mean we tolerate it. Try us on twitter @dads_film, on Facebook Bad Dads Film Review or on our website baddadsfilm.com.
 
Until next time, we remain...
 
Bad Dads

We love to hear from our listeners! By which I mean we tolerate it. If it hasn't been completely destroyed yet you can usually find us on twitter @dads_film, on Facebook Bad Dads Film Review, on email at baddadsjsy@gmail.com or on our website baddadsfilm.com.

Until next time, we remain...

Bad Dads