#108 - Swinging Beyond the Fairway: Cailyn Henderson's Journey Toward Mental Toughness on the Golf Course

Have you ever stood at life's crossroads, contemplating a leap of faith that could redefine everything? Cailyn Henderson did just that, swapping collegiate golf greens for the arduous chase toward the professional ranks. This episode invites you into Cailyn's world, where she lays bare the mental challenges that came with this transformative decision. Her story sheds light on the seldom-discussed mental side of sports, particularly the high stakes of the LPGA's Q school, and the subsequent lows that can follow. As we navigate her journey, Cailyn reveals how redirecting her focus towards her company, Fore the Girls, and embracing a larger social media role provided a pivot point to redefine her identity beyond the sport.

The mental side of golf is certainly a challenge. From having confidence in tough shots to dealing with very real challenges like the putting yips, Cailyn explores some of the challenges that she has faced on the course. To visit her brand, Fore the Girls, check out forethegirlsgolf.com and be sure to follow her journey on Instagram: @chendo23

If you are looking for some help with the mental side of your own golf game or perhaps even a team that you coach, check out mtp.academy to learn more about the resources we have for year round mental performance training. 

Are you an ATHLETE looking to take your training to the next level? Check out our website to learn more about 1-on-1 training opportunities:
mentaltrainingplan.com/athletes

Are you a COACH looking for an affordable year-round mental performance training program? Check out the MTP Academy available through our website:
mentaltrainingplan.com/academy

Chapters

• 0:01 Mental Training in Golf
• 12:56 Improving Mental Game in Golf
• 21:12 Learning From Failure and Redefining Success
• 26:42 Overcoming Stigma and Building Confidence
• 36:06 Year-Round Mental Performance Training for Athletes

Transcript

Ben Carnes: 0:01

Hey, welcome to the coaching minds podcast, a free resource from mental training plan. We help teams and individuals perform at their best through online and in person training. We talk all the time about helping our athletes make a plan and put it to work, because just hoping that they're going to be able to perform at their best in big moments isn't a strategy. It's not what high performing athletes do. So if you're looking for tools to help your athletes perform at their best, you've come to the right place. Today we have a very special guest who is back on the show. If you go back to all the way back to January 2020, pre COVID podcast days, season two, episode one, we had Cailyn Henderson on talking about controlling your mind and body on the golf course. Kailin, thank you so much for joining us today on the show.

Cailyn Henderson: 0:52

Yeah, thank you for having me, I'm excited.

Ben Carnes: 0:55

So let's just kind of let's kind of catch the listeners up. So the last time we spoke, you had already had an incredible career playing high school golf at Westfield. You were at you, andy. Things were going well but not as, not as great as you. You knew that they could. There were some things that that you were kind of working through and you started working with me and then we recorded that podcast. So there's been a ton that's happened since then in your career. If you wouldn't mind, can you kind of just catch us up with where you're at and what you're up to these days?

Cailyn Henderson: 1:33

Yeah, so like you said, pre COVID feels like forever ago, that's crazy.

Cailyn Henderson: 1:37

I know so okay In college, cause I think pre COVID I might've been like a freshman or sophomore or something like that. So, yeah, lots happened in between then. So after we talked, you know, obviously went back to school playing in tournaments and I really, you know, put your stuff to the test, like with the mental training, and it was fantastic. What I realized is that if you don't just like exercise, if you don't exercise it all the time with your mind, you get away from it. And eventually it was probably like a year and a half, I would say started getting away from it. Just, you know, life takes over stuff like that and I we always joke I turned into a mental midget on the golf course and so I actually ended up dropping out of college.

Cailyn Henderson: 2:24

It was year three, I had, you know, a semester and a half left and I just was really weighing on my heart and I was not happy at college. I would felt like I wasn't learning anything, um, and I just was not in a good place, and so I'm like, okay, what do I do? So obviously I'm very religious and so I was praying about it and I just felt the need to leave and I'm like, what the heck. I'm not going to leave college Like that's crazy. I'm going to get my degree, that's what you should be doing, and I just had to listen to my heart and so I ended up actually leaving.

Cailyn Henderson: 2:57

It was very, very hard, just talking to my coaches, teammates, but I just was so incredibly mental on the golf course and it was hurting my game a lot and so I ended up leaving and I tried to go pro right away. So I turned pro. I went to Q school and Q school it's like qualifying school for the LPGA. So I ended up going to that. It was in California and I already knew going into. I was putting so much pressure on myself because, first of all, I dropped out of school. I feel like people are, you know, talking about it, even though they're probably not. That's just my head.

Cailyn Henderson: 3:34

And so I put so much pressure on myself to do well, cause I'm like, okay, I turned pro. I need to prove myself to people that, like I left school for a reason and qualified and I shot like I don't know, 75, 76, 72, something like that, so just very average at best scores. And after it was probably the lowest point that I have ever been with golf and just life in general, because I felt like, okay, I just dropped out of college, just all, just did a bunch of life changes and it's not working out. Like I made the wrong decision and so I was kind of freaking out because I remember after Q school I didn't want to talk to anybody and that's not my personality, I'm a very outgoing, bubbly personality and my mom and dad they were like concerned for a week or two. They're like Kailin, what's going on? Like you're not talking.

Cailyn Henderson: 4:26

You seem very dull and so I said okay. So I ended up. You know, I really reverted back to this. I kept putting my identity in golf so much where I'm like, okay, my identity is in a lot of other things as well. So I started trying to immerse myself in a bunch of different things. So now that I have a company called For the Girls, I've put a lot of time into that. With my friend, margaret Wentz, I do a lot of social media stuff. I travel, you know, around the world. You know working with other brands and repping brands. So it's been. Golf is related in everything, but it has been a journey.

Ben Carnes: 5:01

All right. So one of the one of the things, kailin, that stood out was you said you got away from it. Got away from you know, training the mind to be an intentional with that, I mean, I'm sure that you've experienced you haven't used your, you haven't used your long irons or you haven't gotten your driver out of the bag for a while. You know, you take a little break, you get away from it. And you got to kind of work your way back to that. What was that moment where you realized, oh, I'm not being intentional with the mental side of my game, because I is it fair to say that, right when we were done, you were feeling pretty confident with the mental side of your game.

Cailyn Henderson: 5:38

For sure, I was very confident what I was doing.

Ben Carnes: 5:41

And just talking with your college coach, I mean he noticed a huge difference in you, especially on the green was what stood out to him. So what was that moment where you realized, oh, maybe I've gotten too comfortable with this or I've taken this for granted, but you identify, shoot, this isn't going well.

Cailyn Henderson: 6:01

It. Actually, to be quite honest with you, it took me a long time to figure that out. It would. It took me until, I would say, three months ago, which is a long time to figure something out. But I got to the point where I'm like, okay, what am I doing? Because I played in this YouTube series called Golf Girl Games and I was rewatching some of the film back. The amount of negative self-talk that I was giving myself was crazy, and that's kind of the moment where I was like, whoa, I have lost all of that stuff that we have done and I need to like be intentional with it and get back into it.

Ben Carnes: 6:36

And the like. I'm not going to lie. It hurts my mental performance coach heart to hear you refer to yourself as a mental midget and to even have like a nickname like that for yourself. Another thing that stood out to me was kind of the prove myself to people piece, because I can guarantee you beyond a shadow of a doubt that there are going to be young ladies listening to this who have that exact same thing going on in their mind. There's going to be, you know, young guys listening to this that feel like they have to prove themselves, whether that's on social media, whether that's on their highlight clips, whether that's on their performance on the field court Diamond, fill in the blank. What do you do about that? What do you do with that? How do you not allow that to become a huge distraction?

Cailyn Henderson: 7:30

Yeah. So I mean, it's really hard. So you asked me a question a few weeks ago and you said think about it every day, don't come up with an answer right away. You said why does this particular shot matter so much to you? And oh man, did I sit on that one for a while?

Cailyn Henderson: 7:46

So I was really thinking and at first I felt like I'm like oh, I think it's a me thing, like I want to prove to myself that I can do this under pressure. But then I'm like okay, wait, if I take every single person in the world out of the question, no one's watching me, no one's going to hear about the shot how would it be? Then I'm like okay, I do care about what other people think, because if it was just me on the course with no one watching, I wouldn't have a care in the world, I wouldn't stress about the shot whatsoever. If I fail, I fail. I'll go try it again the next time.

Cailyn Henderson: 8:16

But I think it's when you add other people into the mix and you're trying to prove yourself to them Like, for me personally, I feel like I'm trying to prove that I am a really good golfer to people, because my whole life I've grown up being a very good golfer, especially like early high school I think I was actually at my prime, like I was fantastic, and so now I'm always trying to like get back to that and so always trying to prove yourself to other people, but it's like I'm still having a hard time with it. To be quite honest with you, I really am. Yeah, yeah.

Ben Carnes: 8:47

So just for a little bit of background information that kind of came about through. I think you were saying I just want to stand over a shot and not have negative thoughts run through my mind. I just want to stand over this ball and not have that doubt kind of creep in. And so that you know. I asked you. It was like why does this shot matter so much? Because you know, I do think that there are some people that care so much about this shot because maybe they're not confident that if you know they're not sitting in the fairway or they're not on the green, that they don't have the physical skills or the golf skills to be able to get up and down, they're not gonna be able to shoot that score that they want to. But it sounds like to me that you've got some other thoughts rolling around in there and you think it really just boils down to other people.

Cailyn Henderson: 9:44

Yeah, yeah. Well, the thing is like I know that I can hit just about every shot there is on the golf course because I've done it before when I'm by myself. But it's when you put other people in the mix you're like oh, I know, I can do the shot, I wanna prove it to other people that I can do this shot, when in fact you should just go into the shot. I'm like okay, let's go do this, you know. And so I just care way too much about what people think, big time.

Ben Carnes: 10:06

I was gonna ask you this afterwards because I didn't know that you were gonna bring up that question that I kind of gave you as your homework. But I mean, you said you were an open book. So here we go. There's been a decent amount of time pass. I mean, when you're talking to like your golf career, there's been a decent amount of time since we started working together until this point now where you've reached back out and said hey, ben, I want some help at the mental side of my game. What do you think is different? Like? Why do you want my help now? Why do you feel like you need to improve the mental side of your game now? What's different now compared to the last three years?

Cailyn Henderson: 10:45

I feel like I've really let my walls down, and when I was younger, and even just a year and a half ago, I was the most stubborn individual you would probably ever meet. I remember you and I were talking because we're both pretty stubborn, and now I've let all my walls down and I'm just like okay, I actually do need help. And I think that I had to come to that conclusion on my own. My parents, everybody kept telling me Kaelin, you do need, like on the mental side of golf, you actually do need help. Like you are a mental midget on the golf course and I was always like, yeah, yeah, but I can figure it out, like I can do it, I. It was always about me. And so then I'm like wait, I actually don't know if I can do this on my own, because I've gotten this far and I'm still mental on the course, and so I think it was just me letting my walls down and just getting serious like, okay, I'm gonna stop being stubborn, because I actually need help with this.

Ben Carnes: 11:38

I'm so glad you brought that up, because I feel like the only time that training the mental side of the game doesn't work is when the athlete doesn't want to Like. The only sessions that I've done with athletes where it was like all right, this was a complete waste of time and mom and dad's money was when dad brought the athlete in and was like here, talk to this guy, he's gonna help you figure it out. And the kid is just sitting there like this is like you said, whether that's he's got walls up, whether that's a stubbornness, whether that's a I'm going to be able to figure this out. Like I deal with that stuff on my own, like, yes, I want to be able to figure it out. It's frustrating to me when I can't figure it out.

Ben Carnes: 12:23

I've talked about that on past episodes where I talked about going to see a mental health counselor on my own, because it was like I finally reached this breaking point where I realized maybe I can't do all of it on my own, maybe I could benefit from somebody on the outside looking in and being able to sort of guide and lead and direct and things like that. So let's rewind now a little bit, let's go back to you, and I just finished up. Your mental game is in a great spot. You're feeling confident on the golf course. What did that look like? Let's go back to that sophomore college season, just a little bit, when you were doing well with the mental side of your game. What'd that look like, feel like on the course for you?

Cailyn Henderson: 13:13

It definitely felt like a lot more confidence and I remember the main reason why I met with you the first time was because I had the putting yips and I just wanted to get rid of those putting yips and actually it took about, I would say, a couple weeks. It was actually really short and my yips were going away slowly but surely and I was like I was shocked, like holy cow, because you and I were talking. It was all positive self-talk. So whenever I would be over a pot I would be telling myself my phrase, and constantly over and over. So I feel like when I constantly was telling myself good things about my golf game, it kind of just poured into it and then obviously I reverted from it and I went back to negative self-talk. And it shows in your golf game big time of what you say to yourself.

Ben Carnes: 13:56

As you're standing over that putt and you feel like, ooh, maybe I don't know, I don't know if I'm going to make this shot, talk me through kind of some of the emotions then that pour out of that feeling of not being in control.

Cailyn Henderson: 14:13

Yeah, okay, I can actually feel it in my body right now. So when I'm over a putt and if I have like negative self-talk or I'm like, oh, I wonder if I'll get the hips on this putt which that's obviously a never a good thing to say or like just negative self-talk, it's actually a full body sensation, like I feel like I actually get little jitters all throughout my body. I get really tense, I don't feel free, flowing and loose. I get very tense and I just like have this internal jitter. I can't really explain it, but that's how it felt and it's not a good feeling.

Ben Carnes: 14:44

Yeah, kind of moving on through your college career, you make decide it's time for some changes. You head out to Q-School. Talk to us a little bit about what was that like? Where were you at kind of mentally controlling your mind and body on the course while you were out there?

Cailyn Henderson: 15:04

I feel like going into Q-School. Like I said before, I was just automatically putting so much pressure on myself because of the big change that I did do with dropping out of school, and so I went into it, I think, and I was probably mental, which is not good because oh, I also remember this I was warming up a couple of days before Q-School and I was just hitting it terribly and so I kept saying, oh my gosh, something's wrong with my swing, something's wrong with this, I've got to fix it. So already going into the tournament, I was a mess and I feel like I already lost the tournament before I even started, and so that was a big issue with me, because if you're not hitting it great on the range like that, stuff happens. I was always oh my gosh, my whole swing is trash now, and that's where I was at in that moment, and so I think that's why I really just did not perform great at all.

Ben Carnes: 15:50

Yeah, and that I've got to fix it. I can't tell you the number of high-profile golfers that I've worked with that have said that phrase, because you guys put so much time and effort into your swing that if it's not absolutely perfect, you want to do whatever it's going to take to make it perfect. Talk to us just a little bit about that. I've got to fix it. Mentality and what's going on in your thought process behind that.

Cailyn Henderson: 16:21

Yeah. So I feel like I mean it's with every sport, but especially with golf you're always working on something in your swing. And so I, like I said, I feel the need to perfect my golf swing. And it's funny because when I was playing at my best, that was beginning of high school, and I looked at my swing from back then and it looked Awful, but I was. I was doing it, you know, like I was shooting. I shot 64 a few times in tournaments like I was doing really well. So it told me like okay, it's not about the swing, actually, it's about, first of all, yeah, you're your mental space on the golf course, but then just like grinding it out and getting it done, and so what? I'm really starting to realize this and I actually had this realization about two days ago. I'm like, whoa, okay, it's not really about my swing. Yes, you want to make it technically correct, but it's all at the end of the day, it's like you just want to get the ball in the hole that.

Ben Carnes: 17:15

That's interesting to me, because it sounds like there were times where you played better golf With a worse swing for sure because, even though technically you weren't as sound in that moment, your headspace was in a good spot, and so you were able to Put the next shot in the hole.

Cailyn Henderson: 17:37

Yeah, and like with high school I would say especially freshman, sophomore year I, when I was over the shot, I was never thinking about something bad. I was always thinking like, oh, I'm gonna go show these people what I can do. That was what I was thinking at the time. But now, if I was over a golf shot, I'd be thinking about all the past bad shots that I have hit, which that's not a good thing to be thinking when you're about to hit the shot, like I want to get back to. I want to show these people what I can do.

Ben Carnes: 18:05

It's somewhere in this Document holder. Right here I've got a letter that you wrote me your sophomore year and you said, coach Karns, I finally believe my go-to statement. I can't wait to show the country what I can do. Talk us, talk us through that, that growth period from the time where we first started talking about hey, there's these tools that can help you on the mental side of your game, to that, you know, through those oh shoot, this is actually working to that point where I mean you write me a letter out of the blue saying I finally believe this like what did what did that time frame, what did that span look like?

Cailyn Henderson: 18:48

Yeah, I remember going into one of our first meetings I was like unsure. I'm like okay, I wonder if this is actually gonna work.

Ben Carnes: 18:54

I mean, that's what I thought, yeah and so we started working together.

Cailyn Henderson: 18:57

I'm like, okay, really, try and pour yourself into this. Like I want to get better at this. But I was still very stubborn. So we started working together and I was like, okay, let me take this to the course, let's see how it's gonna go.

Cailyn Henderson: 19:08

And I kept saying my go-to statement and at first I did not believe it. I was on the course. I'm like I don't know if I believe this, I really don't. But then, as soon as I kept telling myself that off the golf course as well, that was actually a big thing for me, not just on the golf course, I had to tell myself or tell myself that in the mirror. So I'd wake up in the morning, I would tell myself my go-to statement a few times and I would just go about my day. It wasn't until I started saying it over and over, probably over 200-300 times, until I started believing it. And then I was like, whoa, okay, let's take this into a tournament because it's going well during practice. I took it into a tournament and it actually felt like a weight had lifted off of me and I'm like, whoa, I actually believe what I'm saying and this feels good. And my, my yips, really, as they started going away.

Ben Carnes: 19:52

Yeah. So here we are. You know you're, you have, you have come up short of your. Your dream to. You know, make it out of Q school, be on tour. You're now dealing with you know the added pressure of what other people are thinking, what other people are saying. You know whether that's real or that's imaginary and in your head is a whole nother conversation. But you know you've got. You've got all these things that are going on. But there was something else that stood out to me, that that I want to dive just a little bit deeper into. And you said you realized that you've tied up so much of your identity Into your golf game. Talk to us just a little bit more about that, because that is a huge thing, I think, especially for today's young people that are really pretty high on the Specialization side of sports, where they're dialing into that, they're picking that one travel sport pretty early and there's a whole lot of identity wrapped up in that for sure, and especially because I started playing golf when I was three years old.

Cailyn Henderson: 21:01

So my entire life has been golf and I feel like when people think of my name, they think golf with it, and I Personally, I love that because I love playing golf so much. But I did get to the point. I'm like, okay, I am also good at other things. And Because when I would go out there and I would shoot like a 78 79. Oh my gosh, I was so angry at myself because I felt like my score identified the person that I was and that's not even close to being true. Like I Always thought that people would like me more if I played better golf and that is not the case that I'm really finding out.

Cailyn Henderson: 21:36

And it's hard because I feel like God has had to teach me so many lessons like, okay, I'm gonna go have you shoot like an 82 today and see how people like that. Obviously, people still love you, you know, and so it's just been a very, it's been very tough for me to place. So what I really have done is I have immersed myself in a bunch of other things. So you know, now, like I said, I have the business I'm doing, social media stuff. I got really involved in my church. I'm volunteering at my church doing Two girl Bible studies for teenagers. Like I just am trying to put myself in so many other things that golf is not my only thing.

Ben Carnes: 22:14

What do you think are the the biggest things that you're learning in this, through this, during your time in these other avenues?

Cailyn Henderson: 22:22

Yeah, I feel like the biggest thing that I've learned is that no matter how you perform at your sport, people don't really actually care about that. They just care about what's on the inside and the person that you are. Like. If you treat people with, it sounds so cliche and basic, but if you just treat people the way you want to be treated them with respect, and you're a nice person, they're gonna care way more about that than what you, you know, did on the course or what you did on the football field. Like people really don't care.

Ben Carnes: 22:48

At the end of the day, 19 year old Kailin gonna believe that if she's listening to this podcast not in the slightest bit 20 year old Kailin gonna believe that nope 21.

Cailyn Henderson: 23:00

No 22. Getting there.

Ben Carnes: 23:03

Getting there. I mean so the-.

Cailyn Henderson: 23:05

Getting there, but now 23,. Yeah, I do.

Ben Carnes: 23:09

So this is a challenge, I think, for a lot of people listening, like is there a way that we can speed this up? Is it just a? No, there's no possible way without experiencing some failure, without going through some things. Like I can tell you personally, there's some lessons that there's no way I learn until I actually physically go through. You know some of the tough adversity that I've talked about on here before. What I mean. What do you think about that? Like is there? Is it just a hopeless cause to even try to do that as coaches? Is there a way to somehow I don't know, like just grab a hold of the athlete and be like listen to me. I don't know, I don't have no idea. How do you get that through? Someone who is stubborn, thick-headed, hasn't experienced that breaking point, hasn't experienced that failure, doesn't really truly deep down believe I need help in this area.

Cailyn Henderson: 24:12

It's so hard because you have to want it for yourself at the end of the day.

Cailyn Henderson: 24:16

I think something that actually could help a lot of people is if they find an athlete that they really respect and if they hear a story from them like hey, I went through the ringer, focus on your mental game. I think that helps a lot because I always felt like getting mental help on the golf course was like a very weak thing to do and I'm like no, I am an independent, very strong individual. I do not need someone else's help, I'm not weak, and that's the hurdle that I had to get over. Myself is the weakness part. So at the end of the day you do have to get to that conclusion on your own and sounds bad, but failure really does help you get there. But I do think maybe people hearing stories of someone that they respect that would help me a lot.

Ben Carnes: 25:01

Which is exactly why I'm so glad you said that. It's literally the reason that I wanted to have you on this show. It's so easy as a I mean, I'm about to turn 40 here in a couple months. I'm certainly not the young coach on the staff that I work with anymore and I think it's so much easier if we can just get our athletes to realize like, hey, this person, like one of the guys that I worked with that had zero issues with the mental side of his game in high school and then in college and then gets drafted and is the leading tackler for his team and then ends up has a devastating injury and is now recovering from this injury and then all of a sudden, for the first time in his life, as a grown man, is thinking maybe I don't have what it takes Like is my knee going to blow out? Am I going to be able to do this? Like there's all kinds of girls out there that would love to be on a state runner up team. There are all kinds of girls that would love to ever shoot in the 60s. There are all kinds of girls that, would you know, love to be fill in the blank with all the success matrix that you've got beside your name and here you are still experiencing this. You know I love playing clips of professional golfers in their interviews. After you know, after they experienced some difficult stuff on the course, saying here's what I came up against, here's how I handled it, here's what I'm going to do differently. I love that.

Ben Carnes: 26:42

Where do you think that stigma comes from? That it's weak to experience those. Is it just we've never, we haven't talked about it before? Is it? We don't like to admit things that we're not good at, is it? You know, I remember growing up, like if there was something wrong with you mentally then you had to go see a psychiatrist and sit in the chair and talk to that. You know, talk through your feelings. Is that still around, like I don't know? Talk to us a little bit about like where's that come from.

Cailyn Henderson: 27:14

Yeah, so, like I told you, I'm an open book, except when it comes to my feelings. Normally I don't. I don't like being vulnerable, and being vulnerable freaks me out, and so that part has been very hard for me to get over. Like actually talking about my feelings, cause as soon as I started to talk about it, I like close up, cause I'm like, oh, it's a weakness, like you can't feel like it's a weakness, and that's the hurdle that I've had to get over, is that?

Ben Carnes: 27:40

Where do you think that comes from?

Cailyn Henderson: 27:42

And my mom. She always asked me this because she's always talking about feelings, all these things. And she was like Katelyn, I don't understand. Like, why don't you like talking about it? Cause we're so open? I could not even tell you. It's because I I'm very independent and I like doing things on my own and I never want to have to ask for the help of other people. I really can't stand when people help me. Yeah.

Ben Carnes: 28:08

Yeah, can't wait to help you. I know.

Cailyn Henderson: 28:12

But I've changed, I really have.

Ben Carnes: 28:14

And do you do you think it was that? It was that failure of finally just coming to the end of okay, maybe I can't do this, that was kind of the catalyst.

Cailyn Henderson: 28:25

That's exactly what it is Like, cause everything that I had panned out in my head, like I want to plan the LPG, I want to be the best golfer in the world. Nothing has panned out the way I have planned it, to which, yeah, that's God's plan. But it's like, okay, maybe, maybe I can't do it all, maybe I just can't do it.

Ben Carnes: 28:39

As you kind of think about the future. What is it that you're hoping for? Where is it that you're hoping to get to? What's that point where you're going to be able to look back and say I did it?

Cailyn Henderson: 28:53

It's a very good question, because I always try not to look into the future and like plan out things, or else I just start thinking way too much. But when it comes to golf, like I told you, if I can just be over a golf shot and say I've got confidence and I know I can do this, I will know that like I have made it. It sounds so simple just one golf shot in a tournament, but it's crazy Like okay, so listen, I played with this lady, ronnie Yin. She's actually the number one player in the entire world with on the LPGA and I got to play with her in a Callaway Pro-Am event.

Cailyn Henderson: 29:24

I learned so much from her because there was one time where I mean she never mis-hit the ball. And I told her I was like Ronnie, I said what is your mishit? Like I never see you mis-hit the ball. She just took the mishit and goes I don't talk about it". And that statement really shocked me because I'm like if it were me, I would be like oh yeah, a slice, that's my big miss. But she doesn't even talk about her bad shots, she will not talk about it. And that was like an eye opener for me.

Ben Carnes: 29:52

Just because you are so hyper focused on bad shots is that kind of what you mean? Okay, yeah, To somebody who hasn't experienced that feeling on the golf course to just hear. All I want is to stand over a golf shot and feel like I can do this. That doesn't really seem too difficult.

Cailyn Henderson: 30:14

No, it seems very simple in fact. But I'm telling you like, obviously, when I'm by myself, I feel no pressure because I'm just like, if I fail, no one sees and it's totally fine. But it's when I get into either a tournament or in front of people that I really wanna play, well, in front of like a YouTube thing. As soon as I reach that moment of I know I can do this and I have no fear from the shy, I have zero fear. That's when I'll have made it.

Ben Carnes: 30:40

What percentage of your day do you think, or maybe what percentage of the thoughts that roll around in your mind are negative? Put a number on it.

Cailyn Henderson: 30:53

I would say about 70.

Ben Carnes: 30:55

70% are negative. Yep, yep. What if you're golfing that day?

Cailyn Henderson: 31:00

It depends. If I'm by myself, I would say actually a lot of it is good thoughts, but when I'm around people, I would say about 98% of it's bad thoughts.

Ben Carnes: 31:11

So would it be fair to say, like during a round of golf with other people there, like 98% of what's rolling around in your mind is negative?

Cailyn Henderson: 31:21

Exactly yeah.

Ben Carnes: 31:23

And if, let's say, you were to use like your go-to statement, for example, which, whether you feel confident in it and just haven't used it, or we need to go back and refine and retweak that, that's another conversation. But if you were to use like that go-to statement and say it I'll just pop mine in, I put in the time, I put in the work, I'm the best coach in the state, how long does that last? Do you think that? Maybe the little, tiny little bit of tiny little dose of positivity, how long do you think that lasts?

Cailyn Henderson: 32:03

It would last me probably about really one shot. I have to keep telling myself, or else I'll stop doing it. If I don't keep telling myself after every shot or before every shot, I get away from it.

Ben Carnes: 32:14

Yeah, so it's gotta become kind of a constant for you.

Cailyn Henderson: 32:20

Yes, has to.

Ben Carnes: 32:21

How do you not let that become a distraction? Cause you've done this before on the course and it worked. But like there's also some people that if you just say, well, I'm gonna, I'm going to give you this thought, and now you're gonna be thinking about that all the time on the course, how do you not let that become a distraction or just more junk rolling around in your mind?

Cailyn Henderson: 32:45

Well, it's because it's a positive thing. So I don't think it would be a distraction, I think it'd be a good thing for me. But I do think with my go-to statement, I definitely have to refine my cause. I think I ended it with like I'm the best golfer in the world and it sounds bad. But I don't believe that anymore and I think I need to refine it to something where I'm like oh yeah, I believe this, you know, yeah. So I think I should refine it a little tweak.

Ben Carnes: 33:07

That's fair. Do you think that, had you continued saying your go-to statement the number of times a day that I challenged you to at first, if you had done that every single day from the first time that we had met until now, that we would be where we're at right now?

Cailyn Henderson: 33:26

Yeah, I mean I probably would not be here. I think I'd be on the tour somewhere. I really do, because the mental side has been a huge, just like a disadvantage for me. And I think if I told it's just stuck with it, just stick with something. And I'm so bad at that, Cause I my nickname is butterfly, cause I always float to one thing to the next thing and if I just stuck with something, I think I'd be in a lot different position right now, cause it works, it does.

Ben Carnes: 33:50

I'm looking forward to working together. I'm looking forward to getting some things ironed out for you, finding some tools that are gonna help you out If you had as we kind of wrap up here one of the things that I always love to just let guests throw out there, if there's maybe one thing that you've learned that you would pass on, you know, 23 year old Kailin has given advice to you. Know, my daughter, who's getting ready to turn 10. What would that one thing be, that one lesson that you've learned throughout your playing days?

Cailyn Henderson: 34:21

I would say, to ask for more help from people, whether that cause. I've learned that people actually really enjoy helping others, and it might not be so much for you, but for them as well. People will really get a lot of internal gratitude from it. So I would just say, reaching out to people and asking for help, because it goes a long ways. Yes, they'll feel better about themselves as well, but then you also get a really beneficial thing from it.

Ben Carnes: 34:46

I love that. And then final question for the coaches out there that are coaching their own Kailin Henderson on their team. Oh, what's the one piece of advice that you would have for the coaches that are dealing with a player that is a similar mindset as you?

Cailyn Henderson: 35:05

I would say meeting with the player regularly would actually really help, because sometimes if you force the player into big meetings with a lot of people and it's a mental training thing they're not wanting it. You're just kind of forced into being somewhere. So I think just meeting weekly with them talking about stuff, but not prying too hard, I think that would be really important, just to meet regularly.

Ben Carnes: 35:29

Nice Well, Kailin. Thank you so much for your time today. As always, it was a pleasure getting to talk with you. I appreciate you stopping by and being on the show.

Cailyn Henderson: 35:36

Yeah, I'm excited for you to help me. Ha ha ha ha.

Ben Carnes: 35:39

If you're a coach and you're listening to this podcast, you already know that training the mental side of the game is important. If you want some help, we've made the MTP Academy super simple. You print off the worksheet, you play the video, we deliver the content to your athletes and then equip you as coaches on the backend to support them, to hold them accountable. If you want more information, you can check out mtpacademy. The link is also in the show notes.

Ben Carnes: 36:06

We've made year round mental performance training super simple. It's not an online course. You don't just send your athletes to do this on your own. It's a curriculum that's going to guide you through delivering training to your athletes. It's completely customizable. If you have questions about how it could fit your team, about fitting it to your off season schedule, questions about how do I implement this within the season, questions about what if my athletes still need additional help, I would love to have that conversation with you. Shoot me an email. If you have any questions at all, please don't hesitate to reach out and until next time, make your plan and put it to work.