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Coaching Mind's Podcast: Perform at your best!
Coaching Mind's Podcast: Perform at your best!
#121 - Focus Cycle Pt 3: What if "positive self-talk" doesn't work?
What if your Go-To Statement doesn't work? What if positive self-talk feels fake, forced, or you just don't believe it? In this episode, we tackle the tough questions athletes face when self-talk strategies seem to fall flat. We dive deep into how to convince the part of your brain wired to fix problems that, yes, you have earned the right to be confident in competition.
You’ll learn practical ways to shift your mindset when self-doubt creeps in, helping you push past those mental roadblocks. It’s not just about repeating feel-good phrases—it’s about backing your self-talk with evidence, preparation, and real effort. We explore how to make your Go-To Statements authentic, so they resonate with you in high-pressure situations, and how to use self-talk to genuinely build confidence, not just cover up anxiety.
Join us as we provide solutions that will help you stay mentally strong and focused, even when doubt tries to take over.
Are you an ATHLETE looking to take your training to the next level? Check out our website to learn more about 1-on-1 training opportunities:
mentaltrainingplan.com/athletes
Are you a COACH looking for an affordable year-round mental performance training program? Check out the MTP Academy available through our website:
mentaltrainingplan.com/academy
Hey, welcome to the Coaching Minds podcast, the official podcast from Mental Training Plan. We help teams and individuals perform at their best through online and in-person training. So glad that you have chose to listen to this episode, joining in on episode three of our deeper dive into the focus cycle. Kind of the foundation of what I do with athletes Started back in 2013 when we went down to state championship and realized our entire team needed something different. Some guys were physically just shaking, lost physical control. We had guys lose emotional control, crying on the sidelines, some guys couldn't think clearly, some guys couldn't focus, and so how do we figure out what's going on and help athletes control their mind and body? If you have not listened to episode number 119, it was on the focus cycle If you don't know what the focus cycle is, if this is new, please pause this episode right now and go back and listen to 119. If you're familiar with the focus cycle, welcome back. Today we're going to be figuring out what if the self-talk doesn't work.
Speaker 1:I've had athletes before that we come up with this plan and then they go and put it into practice and they come back and they're like my go-to statement didn't work and it's like okay, let's dive a little bit deeper, cause we've got to figure out what's going on. Uh, the the first thing that I always ask if my athlete is saying it this didn't work is well, what is your go-to statement? My athlete is saying it this didn't work is well, what is your go-to statement? Because I've had quite a few athletes that were like um, I, uh, I put in the uh, put it, put, put the time in and the work, and it's like okay, well, you, you obviously didn't do the activity correctly or you didn't take it seriously, or you didn't say it 50 times a day because it should be. If you, if you really, a week ago, came up with I put in the time, I put in the work, I'm the best quarterback in the state and you said it 50 times a day. I mean you, you've said this now hundreds and hundreds of times, so it should roll off tongue pretty quick.
Speaker 1:I always like to keep the Harry Potter analogy in my back pocket because I want athletes to know this isn't a magical spell. You're going to have to say this and you're going to have to say it over and over, to the point where the part of your brain that wants to fix things starts to believe it, and so it's going to take a little bit of work. And Kalen Henderson actually wrote me a letter in January we had started working together that summer and I keep this because I think it's such a great reminder. It says I can honestly say I believe myself every time. You say it one time and magically all the stuff disappears. And so you know, there is there is this expectation that you're going to have to put in some work, convincing yourself that, yes, you know what I have put in the time, or I do have the toughness, or I'm not going to quit, or I do have the toughness, or I, I'm not going to quit. So that that's kind of the. The first part is let's make sure that, one, they they've committed to this and they know what their statement is. Um. Two, let's make sure they know that this isn't a magical spell, that they're going to have to convince their mind that, yes, they've earned the right to be confident. Convince their mind that, yes, they have earned the right to be confident. Another thing that that I always like to point out is you know, this isn't something where you just say it one time and poof, everything is better. Sometimes that might be the case, but that's not how it's going to be all the time.
Speaker 1:I'll give you a one of the examples that I love to use is an MRI machine. So I don't like tight spaces. It's less like claustrophobic, it's more like getting stuck terrifies me Like I used to have to pull my helmet up during football practice to convince myself that I was not going to be permanently stuck inside of this helmet. Yes, I know it's weird, it's fine, it's who I am. So I'm in, I'm getting shoved into this MRI tube and I'm not. I'm not a little guy, my shoulders don't fit in this thing to begin with.
Speaker 1:And all of a sudden I'm like I'm starting to freak out, I'm starting to panic a little bit and all of a sudden I'm like I'm starting to freak out, I'm starting to panic a little bit, and I don't have some MRI machine statement ready to go. So I just started saying I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, except it was more like I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me for about 15 minutes and all of a sudden I stopped and slowed down and it was like, oh my goodness, this, this actually is working. And then they moved the table and I felt my. I felt the side of my arm brush against the, the inside of the MRI tube and I started. I just all these emotions just rushed back through my body and so I started saying I I can things Christ brings to me. I can do all things Christ brings to me, and that was how I made it through that MRI machine experience without having a complete panic attack.
Speaker 1:And so there's going to to be times where the the go to statement maybe doesn't fix everything, but maybe saying the go to statement reminding yourself I've put in this time, I put in this work, I have what it takes, I deserve to be on this court, whatever that is, maybe it's just not letting things get worse, even if it's not making things better. So that's something that I think athletes can see value in and I want them to understand. The more you do this, the more comfortable you get with this, the more you believe this, the more effective and powerful it's going to be. So I don't want to just bail on this because you've been saying it for two days and you tried it at a tournament one time and it didn't make you feel the way that you were hoping to feel. That's not how this works. Ask them what's your go-to statement? And it's I put in the time and I put in the work and I'm the best player in the state. And it's like well, I don't believe that. How in the world are you going to believe that? And sometimes it can be powerful to say you need to say this in the mirror and you need to look yourself dead square in the eye and I'll give them two examples. And you need to see and feel and hear the difference between I put in the time, I put in the work, I'm the best player in the state and I put in the time I put in the work, I'm the best pitcher in the state. Those are two very different things. And so the tone saying it in the mirror, speaking maybe a little bit more aggressively.
Speaker 1:One story that I love to pull out here if an athlete is struggling with this is a story about David Goggins. So he's doing this ultra marathon through the desert Most incredibly just, physically, mentally, emotionally tough human that I know and have have ever heard of and he's running through the desert and he's got shattered bones in his feet and he's screaming. And it kind of caught the attention of people, obviously, because here's this madman running through the desert screaming and he was talking to him afterwards and he was like what I've got to know, like what was going on. And goggin said the voices in the back of my mind were telling me you can't finish this race, you can't do this, you won't be able to do this. Why are you doing this? Who are you trying to prove this to? He said the only way I could get them to shut up he used a little more colorful language was to speak over them. And so he literally got to the point where he's yelling out loud to drown out these negative voices in the back of his mind.
Speaker 1:And so just saying I put in the time isn't necessarily what it's going to take Sometimes. You know, if you're on a golf course like I'm not saying you need to scream, but maybe I am saying this needs to be mumbled under your breath you need to, like, say this out loud. I've had some golfers that will uh, that will actually look at their golf club Like it's somebody that they're they're mad at or they're having a stern talking to, and they'll literally look at their club and they'll talk to it and they'll say I put in the time, I put in the work, I belong here, and you know that's a way that they feel. You know there's a little more oomph behind this go-to statement. So timeline I briefly mentioned it a little while ago.
Speaker 1:Timeline is another thing. If, if I have an athlete that comes to me two days before a huge tournament and then they tell me afterwards it didn't work, it's like, well, yeah, you're supposed to say it 50 times a day. I mean you've only said this a hundred times. I, I didn't believe it for a week, kalen didn't believe it for months. But as you continue to say it, then you know, eventually you start to buy into this, you start to believe this a little bit more and so that you know timeline is another one If it hasn't been at least a week, I'm not ready to just bail on this thing and quit. So those are the areas that I start.
Speaker 1:Have them say the go-to statement. Make sure they're not stumbling and stuttering. Make sure they took it serious. Make sure they're saying it 50 times a day. Make sure they understand that you're going to have to speak in a way that you're convincing your mind that you've earned this right to be confident. Check their tone, make sure that, timeline-wise, they've had enough time to actually put this to work, and then make sure again just like the MRI story they don't just say it once, but they repeat this and they use it multiple times. Repeat this and they use it multiple times.
Speaker 1:Um, sometimes it's just a matter of ah, shoot, I, just I forgot to use it. You know I'll say hey, what's your go-to statement? You know I put in the time, I put in the work. I'm the best golfer in the state. Shoot, yeah, I, just I forgot to use that. Okay, well, what can we do in golf? You got a yardage book. Let's put a giant neon orange sticker on the inside that says your go-to statement.
Speaker 1:I had a pitcher who, uh, I got one of those wristbands made for him that you can put your own words on. Uh, depending on the time of year and the tournament you're playing. Sometimes you can't have something like that. So he actually wrote it in Sharpie on the inside of his glove. I've had athletes write it on their hand. I've not had anyone yet tattoo this on their body. I'm not necessarily advocating for that, but somehow, like, get it on you or in a card or in your locker or in your bag or on your phone. Set a, set an alarm on your phone on the way to the game, practice using it during practice. Maybe do some visualization leading up to the next game where, okay, here's, you know I'm going to, I'm going to see myself getting ready to go out and shoot this free throw. I'm going to say my go-to statement as I take my big, deep, diaphragmatic breath, and that's something that you can practice ahead of time. So that's another one. If they forgot to do it, how do we get this on the in the front of their mind getting a little bit deeper?
Speaker 1:There are some times, though, where maybe the athlete just doesn't believe it, or even the the circumstances change. You know Kaylin talked about how, when we worked together the first time, she came up with this go-to statement, and you know it was a little bit closer to I put in the time, I put in the work. I'm the best golfer in the state, that wasn't it, but it was closer to that, and you know she needed to get away from that because she wasn't. You know, at this point in her professional career, she, maybe her preparation, looked a little bit different, what she needed looked a little bit different, what was going on in her mind was a little bit different. And so, you know, circumstances change and maybe your go-to statement needs to grow, needs to adapt, maybe it, for whatever reason, you didn't like or you're not committed to what you have Great. So let's, let's start there.
Speaker 1:The the first part. Have you really earned? That is my number one question, because if you were just copying me and copying my example and you have put in the time and you have put in the work, then that should give you a little bit of confidence reminding yourself of that. If, on the other hand, you haven't put in the time and you know like, yeah, maybe I'm not working as hard as I should be, uh, we're going to, we're going to need to tweak that, we're going to need to figure out, like, either, a we need to change how you're practicing and how you're preparing and you need to actually earn the right to be confident. Because, I'll be honest, this doesn't work If there's not kind of a baseline of ability and effort and practice and hard work. I've never played badminton before in my life. I can't just positive self-talk my way into being an Olympic badminton player. That's not how it works.
Speaker 1:So if you were, if you were kind of copying off the example and you said I put in the time, and now you're like, well, maybe I I haven't put in the time, but maybe you know you're not going to quit, but maybe you know you're not going to quit. Well, maybe maybe we need to tweak that a little bit. We need to maybe go a different direction. Maybe we need to change that first part. So that's where I always start. Do they believe that first part? Have they earned that first part? Are they still earning that first part?
Speaker 1:Um, and then you know, like I like I talked about with Kalen, she needed to believe something different for the second part, and maybe that's where your athletes at. Maybe maybe they're not trying to be the best player in the state, maybe they need to believe they belong on that court. Um, I'm not going to tell you what Kalen's new go-to statement is, because I tell athletes not to tell anyone other than maybe, like one coach, a position coach, something like that, somebody that you're really close with. What we don't want is we don't want this to be broadcasted all over social media. And then now you're going into this game and you're not performing at your best. And now you're thinking in the back of your mind like, oh man, I wonder if they're they're judging me. They're trying to figure out like, oh, is your your go-to statement not working? Like we don't want to put extra pressure on ourselves, we don't want to create this environment where we feel like we have to perform for other people. So that's why, like I'm, I'm not interested in telling you what people's go-to statements are. So you know, but you need to maybe help them go back and figure out well, if you're not trying to be the best player in the state, what are you trying to do? Like, are you just trying to be this unstoppable, unshakable competitor in the arena that you know you're not going to back down? Is it a you belong here? Is it a you've earned the right to be here? Is what is it that you want to believe in that moment, something that you're working towards and I'll help the athlete kind of think through that, maybe brainstorm with them Sometimes if you can figure out some of the things that you're thinking, but you don't love the words or the phrasing that you're coming up with.
Speaker 1:Chat GPT can be helpful. You know, you can say, hey, I'm trying to say this, this or this. Give me, you know, three to five words, or give me a short sentence that conveys that message. And then you know, maybe you, maybe you don't love that and say give me 10 more options to pick from. Maybe it comes up with something good, or maybe some of those examples spark an idea in your mind. But we need the athlete.
Speaker 1:When they leave this meeting where they've said the go-to statement's not working, they need to leave this meeting on fire like, yes, yes, this is it. And if we can help them come up with a statement where they believe it and they buy into it and they're all in, that's that's really setting them up for success. That's giving them the best chance for this to do what it's supposed to do in a high pressure situation. And then you know the, the last thing that I that I'll do with athletes, let's say that they're just not. They're not vibing with this go-to statement thing. They don't like it, they think it's silly. They, you know, fill in the blank with whatever. If they want to go a completely different direction, then what I'll have them do is, instead of replacing this thought with you know, so I threw an interception, oh no, I have all these negative thoughts, that's okay, I'm going to replace those with my go-to statement Instead, what we can do is reframe this, and so we want to write down four things.
Speaker 1:Number one what's the bad situation? I throw an interception, I miss a wide open layup, I slice the ball into the water, I serve into the net, whatever. What are the negative thoughts that roll in, is it? Oh, no, we're going to lose, is it? Oh? I let down my teammates, is it? You know, maybe some of the things that they focus on, maybe some of the negative self-talk that works its way into their mind, like, what are the negative thoughts rolling through their head? And just list all of those out, and then how can we come up with maybe a, maybe, a positive spin to this, a positive spin to this? And if they're not ready for the positive maybe, how can we even just get to neutral?
Speaker 1:And so, you know, I threw an interception, okay, well, what are the facts? We're going to get the ball back with about a minute 35. We need to go score a touchdown. Cool, let's do it. Or you know what are the? What are the facts? I missed this putt, okay, well, you know I, I was a little bit to the right, I was underestimating the break. Uh, you know, I sliced the ball into the water.
Speaker 1:I was under playing the wind a little bit in my mind, or I was overthinking about what I'm doing with my hands, like, how can we get away from the negative and maybe just assess the situation? What are the facts? Maybe once we figure out, like, what are the facts, then we can get to okay, well, what good can come from this? How can you know? We're not're not thinking like, oh, I threw an interception, yay, let's all be happy with that. No, but instead, like the situation is, now we need to go score a touchdown with a minute 37 left, and so the positive spin here could be what if I use this as an opportunity to really try out all this mental toughness training that we've been doing? Like, what if this is a chance for me to show my entire team, through my body language and through my attitude and through my effort, that I'm not going to be rattled by adversity? Like, oh well, yeah, there's all kinds of good that can come from that. And so what's a new thought that I can have? Maybe it's prepare to be amazed or get ready to be amazed. I had a quarterback that when he would throw an interception, his mind immediately goes to I've let down my team, I've let down my coaches, any recruiters that are in the stands no longer want me, and so you know he wasn't ready for. He wasn't ready for how can we put a positive spin on this? So we, okay, let's at least like, get away from negative, let's at least get to neutral, like I need to go back out and I need to perform on the next drive. Okay, is there any kind of good that can come from this? Like, well, yeah, I can, I could show my teammates I have what it takes to persevere through adversity, what that's amazing, yeah. So that's where the get ready to be amazed came from. And so now, when he throws that interception, it's get ready to be amazed. Get ready to be amazed.
Speaker 1:We had, we had an athlete for 6am workouts. He would show up and just in a, in a bad spot, like he didn't want to be there, he wasn't excited about being awake, he didn't want to lift, he didn't want anything to do with this. And so you know, the, the, the, at least getting away from negative the, how can we at least get to neutral? Thought was. I mean, this is when we're working out and this is my chance to, you know, prepare my body for competition. Like, okay, well, is there any good that can come from this? Is there any way we can put a positive spin on this? He's like, well, you know, this is maybe a chance for me to, to outwork my opponents. This is a chance for me to do something hard and invest time and work into my body so that I'm I'm ready to go next season when, when regular season rolls around, it's like, well, yeah, that's awesome. Okay, so how? How are you going to remind yourself of that? And he came up with it's time to grind. And so he's.
Speaker 1:Here's this sophomore walking into 6am workouts with a whole bunch of other grumpy people going. It's time to grind, time to grind. And you can see seniors rolling their eyes and you can see seniors telling them to shut up, and you can see people aren't ready for it's time to grind at 545, right before 6 am workouts begin. But what was amazing was watching as that kind of infectious behavior. And I'll be honest, he didn't. He didn't feel it at first. He said there was a little bit of I'm going to fake it till I make it. And you know, we can do a whole nother podcast about arguing about whether there's validity in that, because I do think there's times that it is and I think there's times that it's not, but that's a whole nother podcast episode.
Speaker 1:In this case, I'm telling you, I watched this kid's attitude completely turn around by saying out loud it's time to grind, it's time to grind. And by the end of that off season it was almost like a rallying cry for the entire team where they were coming around this idea of you know what. It is time to grind, it's time to outwork our opponents. Even though it's early, even though this is going to be hard, we're here and we're ready to make the most of it. So you know.
Speaker 1:That's whether you want to replace these negative thoughts by using the go-to statement or you want to reframe the situation. We have this bad situation, okay, well, can we at least think about it neutrally instead of negative? And then, okay, can we put a positive spin on this at all? Can any good come from this? Okay, how are we going to remind ourselves. Let's reframe this situation, with it's time to grind, or prepare to be amazed.
Speaker 1:Those would be the ways that I would help out the athletes who are maybe stuck on this go-to statement and they just don't love it. So if you have questions and you're like, hey, I'm trying this, it's not working, please reach out to me. I have had two people. One is a coach who wanted to actually use this herself, and another is one of the MTP Academy coaches who was trying to do this with an athlete but was still struggling. If you need specific help with this, please don't hesitate to reach out to me. I can either get you some resources, I can point you in the right direction. I can give you some tips or tools or send you a worksheet or point you to hey, go try this. Please don't hesitate to reach out.
Speaker 1:I've got a passion for helping people with the mental side of the game. It's why I do this. It's why everything we have is available for free on the podcast, because if you find yourself in this spot where you're stuck and you need help and you can't perform at your best, I want to help you. And so if you decide like, hey, I'm a coach. I want to do this year round with my team. I want to get them access to some more of these tools. I want to have more of a complete program where, year round, we're going to be able to train our athletes. You want to get some help from me. You want to get some customization ideas, tips. How do we make this work around our calendar, based on the size of our team and what we need? Check out the MTP Academy. You can go to mentaltrainingplancom. Just click on coaches up at the top and, until next time, make your plan and put it to work.