Secret Silo Show
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Secret Silo Show
Killer Tournament 2.4 - Vlad The Impaler Vs. Shaka Zulu
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Are you ready to journey back in time and witness a gladiatorial clash between two historical goliaths, Vlad the Impaler and Shaka Zulu? Brace yourselves, listeners! This episode dives into the icy depths of Vlad the Impaler's chilling reign, marked by brutal killings. We take you on a terrifying tour of his preferred weaponry - from Turkish sabers to literal hand cannons. Next up, we venture into the heartlands of Africa, where Shaka Zulu's reign left an indelible mark on history. We delve into the complexity of his past and the innovative military tactics that caused the death of over a million people.
Peek into the brutal world of Vlad, who built his reputation on fear and terror, and claimed around 80,000 lives. We present to you the gruesome techniques he invented, including his infamous impalement method. As we turn the pages of history, we delve into the story of Shaka, a warrior who rose from a troubled past to become a formidable leader. We explore the unique strategies and negotiations that Shaka implemented, allowing the Zulu nation to grow into a superpower.
Finally, be ready to witness an epic face-off as we pit Vlad and Shaka against each other. Who would win in this hypothetical duel? We analyze their physical builds, training, weapons, and strategies, leading to a heated debate. The suspense will keep you on edge before finally revealing who we believe would be the stronger warrior. This episode promises an enthralling exploration of history and a captivating discussion that will keep you riveted till the end, so tune in!
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Battle Royale
Speaker 1Secret Solo.
Speaker 2Show.
Speaker 3Welcome back to the fourth episode of our killer fight killer tournament, which will turn into a battle royale after the end of this one Killer Instinct tournament.
Speaker 1Yes, that.
Speaker 3And, as we've seen with the previous winners, we got Mirko Kroko, we got Carl Denke and then now we have the White Death. So this week we are going to fight my fighter, which is Vlad the Impaler, and then Xander's fighter, which is Shaka Zundu.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, I already know this is going to be a tough, super hard fight for me.
Speaker 3So Eli is the judge for this one. He's going to take everything that we were saying into consideration and at the end he's going to have to decide who's moving on to the next round. Basically, what happens in the last round we have four winners and then those four winners basically us individually for an episode. We're going to discuss all the strengths and weaknesses between each fighter and we're going to decide on a location, which I think a location we talked about earlier, like a three story Macy's would be pretty funny. So we might do that.
Speaker 3And just kind of duke it out and we'll figure out, like how to determine a winner between the four, how to determine a winner like the stats and everything like that. Because the first season, when we did this originally, we did it with just serial killers. It was me, my friend Shayla and Isaac, and the winner, out of every single one of those fighters, it was Carl Panzeram, which he is an intense serial killer because he was just a really strong and insane individual.
Speaker 1Wasn't he like six foot.
Speaker 3Yeah, he was like six two. He was like 180 pounds of like just pure muscle, like he was just intense. I don't know Like maybe he actually might have weighed more than that. He might have weighed like up to 20.
Speaker 1Was he in the military at all? Cause I'm looking him up right now.
Speaker 3No, he was always just like in and out of prison and like boys were there.
Speaker 1He was drifter, serial killer Cause he was buried in Fort.
Speaker 3Leavenworth. No, he was just hardened. He was a hardened criminal.
Speaker 1It was kind of funny we were talking about Jude Law earlier.
Speaker 3He kind of looks like Jude Law. Yeah, I just wanted to be sure. Yeah, but anyway. So this week we're talking about Vlad the Impaler and Shaka Zulu. I'm going to start first with my guy, and it's kind of funny. I listened to a podcast and instead of calling him Vlad the Impaler, they called him Vlad.
Speaker 2Vlad. Periodically I might switch up his pronunciation. I think Vlad sounds better than Vlad. Vlad the Impaler Vlad, vlad or Vlad.
Speaker 1Vlad, my name is Vlad the Impaler.
Speaker 3Alright, so let's get started. So Vlad Dracul, the Impaler, or Dracul, also known as Dracula, he was born the original inspiration for Dracula Dracul. He was born in 1431, romania, 1431. Yes he was believed to be 5'9 and 170 pounds roughly.
Speaker 2That's my build, so nice.
Speaker 3Wait, really I thought your guy would have been way taller.
Speaker 2No, that's me.
Speaker 3Oh.
Speaker 1Wait what.
Speaker 3I was like what.
Speaker 1No, that's not.
Speaker 3Shaka. I was like I'm pretty sure Shaka is like 7 foot.
Speaker 2Yeah, that's what I thought.
Speaker 3My book is like cream at the edge of our yeah. So a few names have cast more terror into the human heart than Dracula. Vlad was granted the surname Dracul, which means dragon, after his induction to. This is a weird fact too.
Speaker 2That's terrifying.
Speaker 3Yeah, but this was after his induction into the order of the dragon, a Christian military order supported by the Holy Roman Emperor. Isn't that weird? What the fuck that's fucking sketchy dude Dude.
Speaker 2that's fucking weird.
Speaker 3Yeah, vlad became a skilled horseman and warrior, and his preferred weapons were the Turkish saber, the halberd, a steel crossbow and even, on occasion, a literal hand cannon. Oh Jesus.
Speaker 2This guy's like a monster hunter dude.
Speaker 3Yeah as well, he's like a Turkish guts. Basically, he's like a Turkish sword as well.
Speaker 3He didn't have armor, but he had a plated male shield. Okay, so he was captured and tortured at a young age by the Ottomans, which I'm sure is where his hatred began, along with his family all being executed. But after his escape, basically his reign of blood began. Now Vlad was charged with leading a force to defend oh god, I don't know what that says Wallachia Wallachia, from an Ottoman invasion. His 1456 battle to protect his homeland was victorious. Legend holds that he personally beheaded his opponent, vladislav II, in one to one combat and he literally just cut his fucking head off during the battle. Fucking hell.
Speaker 3Though he was now the ruler of the principality of Wallachia, his lands were in a ruinous state due to the constant warfare and the internal strife caused by feuding boyers, and boyers was like a type of family, essentially Like the bourgeoisie, and he basically essentially slaughtered that entire clan too, or whatever. To consolidate power. Vlad hundreds of them to a banquet, knowing his authority would be challenged. He had his guests stabbed and they're still twitching bodies impaled. The name Impaler came from one of his most gruesome methods of killing and it essentially was impaling a piece, or impaling a wood or metal pole, and is inserted through the body, either front to back or vertically through the rectum or vagina. The end wound would could be near the victim's neck, shoulders or mouth, like basically popping out one of those three ends. In some cases the pole was rounded not sharp to avoid damaging internal organs and therefore prolonged the suffering of the victim.
Speaker 3So it would pretty much like push their organs out of the way, yes, and slowly have them fall under their weight of their own body. The pole was then raised vertically to display the victim's torment. It could take hours or even days for the impaled victim to die Also, then just sit down, eat meals in front of the dying people, dip his bread in the blood of his victims. You know? Just normal shit. Normal Dracula shit.
Speaker 2This guy's fucking crazy.
Legends of Vlad and Shaka Zulu
Speaker 3Yeah, he also invited a group of people to dine with him, but he essentially played a trick on them and they sat down with Dracul and they ate with him and it turns out the meat was from dead family members and basically he just started maniacally laughing at the look on their faces when they realized this. Wow, so yeah, fun guy. In total, vlid is estimated to have killed about 80,000 people through various means. However, I will say benefit of the doubt for him personally, but like his army, yeah, because he was a leader. So I don't think he personally killed 80,000 people, but he definitely commanded roughly. That's their estimate, you know. So pretty much.
Speaker 1Vlad did nothing wrong.
Speaker 3Sure, yeah, he's just like George Bush. He didn't kill people directly, he just commanded people to do it. So this includes some 20,000 people who were impaled and put on display outside the city of Targovist, a three mile long and one mile wide field of stakes. Yeah, so that's a lot of bodies.
Speaker 3Some people called this literally the black forest, and it was just stakes and bodies being hung, the site was so repulsive that the invading Ottoman Sultan, mehmed II, after seeing the scale of Vlad's carnage and the thousands of decaying bodies being picked apart by crows, turned back and retreated to Constantinople. Jesus and 1476, while marching to yet another battle she's fucking Christ and talk. In 1476, while marching to yet another battle with the Ottomans, vlad and a small vanguard of soldiers were ambushed and Vlad was killed and beheaded. By most reports, his head was delivered to Mehmed II and Constantinople as a trophy to be displayed above the city's gates, and that's what I got for him.
Speaker 2Jesus. So yeah that's what I'm guessing.
Speaker 3That is the legend of Dracula.
Speaker 1Yeah, I never. I never knew how he died actually, because I never got to like the end of the book that I was reading he was a big fan of.
Speaker 3You know, jen, oh yeah, I was gonna say well, he's, yeah, like I said, he's a big fan of genocide, but I forgot to. I didn't mention there's one torture method that he did, that at first it doesn't seem that bad, but the more you think about it it's like, oh man, that'd be rough. But he would essentially like make people walk, walk along like burning coal or whatever, and the point where they're like the bottoms of their feet were like, you know, like the, I would say like the top couple layers were essentially like burned away, right. He would then tie them up and rub a bunch of salt on the bottom of it and then, to make it worse, he would have goats lick the salt off their feet, and goats are known to have like really, really rough tongues, and so he would just like that was just like one of his favorite ways to just torture people, fucking hell. So, yeah, seems like a fun guy, a very fun guy, jesus Christ.
Speaker 3God, that's fucking wild dude 80,000 people, roughly so, but there's no estimate of how many he actually killed too, you know, because like history back then, it's really really hard to Mm-hmm Determined. But I will say, even at a young age he was a, he was an actual warrior. You know, he wasn't a diplomat that commanded people to kill for him, like he could kill on his own.
Speaker 2Yeah, vlad is ruthless Vlid. Yeah, vlad, vlad, vlad, vlod. Okay so it was really hard researching Not really hard, but Kind of. There's a lot of information about Shaka Zulu.
Speaker 3Yeah, it doesn't seem like a nation that like really does like a lot of recordkeeping too.
Speaker 2Mm-hmm, well, and then people are just like, yeah, people are arguing about it, and I think you know, like there's always these videos where people are like, well, I'm sorry if I mispronounced something, and so Mm-hmm, and then, like the def, like the pronunciation has like clicking in it. It's like dude, stop. Like it's fine, yeah, like you're not gonna get it.
Speaker 3And then no, no, no, okay. So I will say right off the top that's a very good point, because they said, unless you're born into those tribes that speak that way, it is impossible, literally impossible, to learn that language. Yeah, like with the clicking and everything. So it's like you don't have to worry about any of that shit here, because it's like for anyone wondering, like those languages are only for those people who are born into it, like you cannot learn them. And there's no point in even trying.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Because the Shaka was born into the Zulu tribe, which is a sub-Saharan African tribe, the most famous tribe in Africa, by the way. Yes, Movies have been made. Warrior society is the better way to put it. And so he was born in 1787, and his father was the chief of the Zulu clan. But his mom was like the orphaned princess of a different clan, like nearby clan, which would later on cause like a lot of friction. But when he grew up he was like a young shepherd.
Speaker 3And pretty much.
Speaker 1So he was like running around on the hills.
Speaker 2Yeah, oh, like Jesus, like David, and so, anyways, when he was like a young boy, his father drove him, his mom, out of the village because there was a bunch of like controversy about them and their relationship.
Speaker 3Oh Jesus, they get canceled.
Speaker 2Yeah, so like they got banned from the Zulu clan right?
Speaker 1Oh what no? And he's a.
Speaker 2Zulu and they have to go to her clan. Fuckin' shit. Yeah, this is gonna be good, yeah, I'm great. And what do you know? They bully the shit out of him. They're like, ooh, this piece of shit.
Speaker 3Yeah, and that's like big down there. It's like different, like like. It's kind of like our version of like what you would call like Native Americans. You know, it's like like they're different, like they're different groups. It's like you could either be like, oh, we're cool with you, or you're like literally like the devil, you know.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Yeah, well, I think the whole thing was that, like his mom and dad were from different clans and so there was like a bit of like yeah, friction about that, and so when he came over they were like well, fuck this guy, and they like bullied him. There was this like warrior dude who was like a leader named Dingus Wile no way, that's his actual name, dingus.
Speaker 2That's how everyone said it online Dingus Wile, oh man. And he like shocked, like trained under him and like learned how to become a warrior when he was young and like one of the legends is that he like trained barefoot and there are people out there like he didn't do that. But it's like dude, why would you?
Speaker 3you don't know that, like he, very well, could have done that. I feel like barefoot would actually make more sense to me.
Speaker 2Yeah, but there's no proof. Yeah.
Speaker 3It's a seven goal.
Speaker 2Seriously say that shit online there's no proof of him taking off his shoes and it's like were you there yeah.
Speaker 1Did you look at his feet?
Speaker 3He wasn't wearing Nike's.
Speaker 1He didn't have a Jordan brand deal. Yeah, sorry.
Speaker 2I don't know how tall he was. Actually I'm thinking about it. I'm thinking about it. Yeah, I didn't really see anything about that.
Speaker 3I'll punch it in, right, you should look it up. Really cool yeah.
Speaker 2Yeah, under Dingus Wile, who's like, he knows like the politics, he knows how to fight. He trains under this guy, he does his barefoot fighting and then Shaka comes up with this idea for a different kind of weapon. So the common weapon back then are called Asagais, which are these long spears that they throw at each other from long distances, all these different clans that are scattered around in this area. This is South Africa. That's all right Not to interrupt you real quick.
Speaker 3It was believed that Shaka Zulu was 6'2 and 165 pounds. Damn Roughly.
Speaker 2Dude, clean, clean fighting machine. So yeah, this is like South Eastern Africa on the coast and there are a bunch of little clans. The Zulu clan was only like a thousand people For like 1100 people I got this time Very, very small, yeah, and they were having these skirmishes with nearby clans and villages. Those were like domestic things, like cattle or whatever, like private property things, you know, just like people hating their neighbors, common stuff, right. And then it's really like interesting because like the common way, so like when Shaka came into this like world, the way battles used to be were like they would line up, like different clans would line up and they would just like insult each other and kind of throw rocks and spears at each other, but like nobody died. And then like because, like you had a thousand people in your clan, you don't want to like go and waste 200 people in a battle. You know, like this doesn't make any sense, yeah.
Shaka
Speaker 2And then when Shaka was like learning to be a warrior, he was like, well, why don't we just like kill these people? They won't be a problem anymore? And then he had his like new spear weapon which he called Ilkawa, something like that, basically it was supposed to. It sounded like it was named after the noise it made when you pulled it out of somebody's guts. Oh weird, it was like Ilkawa or something like that. It was like you know, oh man, she's really brutal. So, anyways, the point is he's a warrior and he's training under this guy, and then you know, his dad is the leader of the Zulu Clan and by 1817, I think, his dad dies shortly thereafter. So, like, basically before Shaka's dad dies, he's like Shaka's like expanding the Zulu Kingdom with his like new tactics, because he came up with not only a new weapon and a new like way of like dealing with enemies, he also came up with like this formation that he came up with called like horns and the buffalo.
Speaker 3Which is like a tactical advantage.
Speaker 2I'm guessing Battlefield tactic, yeah, so basically it's like two. So imagine like two squares, one's behind the other one, and then there's like two horn shaped like battalions. Oh, okay, yeah, I can picture it so like they send the new guys in the orange shaped battalions to go around the enemy and then, like you have two waves to like crush the enemy Right, interesting, there's all these, yeah, so he's like. He's basically like Alexander the Great.
Speaker 3Yeah, he's a warrior in his own right.
Speaker 2Yeah right, like a general and yeah, so like his dad dies, and then Dengaswio dies, and then so after Dengaswio dies, he just starts expanding rapidly and it's like really bad because it's like a lot of genocide, yeah, and pretty much he just he gets to a point where he takes over like it's like 80,000 acres, like his empire. This is a giant empire, it's like this whole section of South Africa.
Speaker 3And like how far south.
Speaker 2Is it again, sorry, like on the Cape? Oh, okay, like just northeast of the Cape.
Speaker 3So he basically like sounds like he ran that whole southern side.
Speaker 2But, that being said, the Cape was ran by the Dutch and then the British, and so by the time Shaka got into power, the British were controlling the Cape. And so, after Shaka more or less consolidates all the clans around him and becomes like a superpower, he starts like clashing with the British. And there's like this famous Long after Shaka said there's like this famous battle that the Zulu tribe fights against the British and it's like they use the horns of the buffalo and they like crush the British. Hmm, surprising, but the British had like 1200 people and there was like 20,000 Shaka.
Speaker 2Right 20,000 Zulu and yeah, ultimately that's a whole other thing Like the Anglo-Zulu war, but yeah, so like it's just, this is a whole fucking rebel. But Shaka reaches this point where he's kind of like controlling this whole area in the south and he starts clashing with the British and it's kind of like there's a lot of weird shit that happens. But basically they kind of adopt like the European way, like the Zulu nation, because like the Zulu nation is like giant now and they have like a standing army of like 40,000.
Speaker 3Oh, because I heard like at the peak of his reign he was under, he was like a leader of like 250,000 people.
Speaker 2Well, there's 250,000 Zulu, but then there's like those are the Zulu, like there's all these other people, oh yeah, yeah sure, it was like a lot higher. There's a lot of conflicting information, so it really is hard to kind of like grasp. But basically he like reaches a point where he's just, you know, he's not really a general anymore, as much as a diplomat, and he's doing all this. You know, he's making all these alliances and promises to like European countries and all this stuff and like. So he's like playing this whole role like emperor and then meanwhile, you know, he's still consolidating power.
Speaker 3Wasn't he doing more rage? Was he more like a dictator? Well, I guess, yeah, I guess emperor could be seen as that too.
Speaker 2No, I mean he reaches that point because it right, they, he pretty much like there's like a parliament there, like in this country, like it's like they pretty much just mimic like what the British were doing. Yeah, so they could like have negotiations with the British. So they're like this, like ancient empire amidst like this modern superpower, and they're trying to make it work. But, yeah, pretty much he is responsible for killing a million People, think it's up to a million of his own people, like it's like all of the things that I saw.
Speaker 3That said, some estimate that during his reign, shaka caused the death of more than a million people. Shaka's wars between 1818 and 1828, which is-.
Speaker 2That's a lot of people. So he pretty much wiped out everybody around him and then started taking the British on and then that, and then so in the middle of that whole thing his mom dies and he's super close to his mom because his mom's been through and been with him through all this bullying and his childhood and now he's conquering the world Like Alexander the Great and then his mom dies and pretty much it's all up for speculation. But the story is that he goes nuts after his mom dies and then like starts what I mean by like Roman emperor. He starts like doing like crazy shit, like executing people left and right and like anybody under suspicion is like-.
Speaker 3No, just like near, like Nero type shit.
Speaker 2Yeah, exactly Like just losing his shit and then people around him just like murder, like his people close to him, cause they're like, okay, this is like oh yeah, wasn't it God.
Speaker 3What was it? It wasn't like his half brother, like assassinated him, or something.
Speaker 2There was a conspiracy, and so people, often like historians, are like well, we can't really believe the conspirators, we don't really know what happened. But you know what I mean. Then you're getting into the weeds, yeah, yeah. So basically he started with a tribe of 1000 and, like, ended with this giant nation.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's fucking wild and like took on the British.
Speaker 2And he did it with spears. He had a long spear for throwing and then a short spear for, like, stabbing, and then he had this tactic of the horns of the buffalo.
Speaker 3Okay, he's a tactician, you know his way is around like weapons and like leading people and all that shit.
Speaker 2Yeah, and there's like a famous battle yeah, I think I already said, but like after he died, it was like pretty much just the. It like really rocked Europe at the time because, like they had British people, like you know, on station there and like, oh yeah, our military is modern and capable and, like you know, the British people are wearing fucking wool coats and they're in South Africa, Right yeah, it's fucking super hot and humid and like dude the shock. I mean they left 60 of them and it was like 1200 British people. Damn, Something drift. I forget the name of it. It's like it starts with an R of it, it's like something R drift but ultimately like Some people called him the black Napoleon because of like his, his war efforts.
Speaker 3Just crazy, I mean I could be more similar to Alexander the Great, because he just I would say so too Honestly.
Speaker 2Cause it seems like he had.
Speaker 3Yeah, exactly. Like he definitely seems like an actual, like legendary warrior and, oh, without a doubt could unify all the shit, but it's just like, yeah, cause I'm all I'm seeing is that he was just assassinated by two of his half brothers, but it doesn't really say anything else more than that. So, yeah, that could just be conspiracy.
Speaker 2It's hard to say yeah, but he was 41 when he died.
Speaker 3But it's also like it's what they say. It's like history is written by the victors you know, and which the greatest the greatest evidence of that is like look at the Viking nation versus everyone else that they fought, you know, or, like I should say, maybe the Christians or the, the Roman empire or not Romans, sorry.
Speaker 1Like oh yeah, vikings were taking this and all this other stuff, yeah they were dirty, disgusting, like pagans, blah, blah, blah, but they were like.
Speaker 3they were actually like cleaner.
Speaker 1They were yeah, they use soap, they use all this other stuff.
Speaker 3Most of them were farmers and they just wanted like they're out late you know, yeah, exactly. But because of their gods, they had no fear of death, which is what made them such formidable warriors.
Speaker 1I mean, yeah, they're a bunch of them were assholes and they would like, obviously, rape and pillage, but but just like the biggest thing is like if you don't fear death anymore, you're pretty much like unstoppable Cause, like you don't even care, you will go like wraps through the hardest Well and not only that, but like the Viking mythology is like death is like a good thing to them, cause if you die in battle then you go into Fahala Death, death, death culture, or whatever.
Speaker 1Yeah so warriors, death ain't shit but a new adventure. Yeah, Death society.
Speaker 3But yeah, so possibly up to a million deaths by the hand of Shaka Zulu, which is significantly more than 80,000.
Speaker 2Hard to track down and also there was a scene I read about where he, shaka, tracked down this guy who fucked him over, killed somebody I think he liked, and then he impaled them on a spear, so there he also does a little bit of blocks, little bit of that.
Speaker 3Maybe some inspiration he heard from that. Yeah, cause it would have. Well, no, I mean, there's no way that culture would have heard about that. I don't think, oh well, why not? Sure, why not? Well, just say he did, cause it was like a hundred years later, roughly so he could have, or actually no, it was more than a hundred years later it was like three years you never know yeah.
Speaker 3I was like 400 years later, yeah, anyway. So okay, interesting. This one's kind of hard too, because it's like because of the fact that they're both like, warlords Formidable warriors. Well, they are formidable warriors, Warlords and they're warlords Formidable. They don't. It's different than, like, say, a serial killer, because, like, how many of those actual killings are from them and how many of them are from people under their command?
Speaker 1Well, like, also too, like Vlad the Impaler, has been known to use different type of weapons and shows so, as Shaka Zulu, shaka Zulu has a you know a, pretty like a you know the, like, the long spear they also had. They also have shields They've also used. I'd say I would compare, like the, the Zulu tribe, to like the Spartans. Okay, they, they had that camaraderie, they had that, they had that, what's it called that? The formation they had, the Dude, the physical condition the stocking power.
Speaker 1We had a physical condition. They had these since you were like a child. They had these big shields too.
Speaker 2I didn't talk about the shields.
Speaker 1I think it's. They're five to six foot shields, yeah.
Speaker 3Yeah, they have the long ones. But I think their shields were also made out of like, not grass, but like it was like high, Kind of like fibrous material it was. I believe it was.
Speaker 2That's why that battle with the British was so like significant, because people assumed they couldn't like hold their ground but they like yeah, yeah, Absolutely destroy these British people Right Right.
Speaker 1Which is cool. We love that. Yeah, we love that.
Speaker 3We love, we love the slaughter of British people Allegedly, allegedly.
Speaker 1Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm looking at I'm looking at Chakazoo's like weapons right now.
Speaker 2And so it's the, the Asagai. That's like long throwing spirit.
Speaker 3Oh yeah, One of them is like a long club, the Isiwa.
Speaker 1Well, yeah, or Isiwa is about Iwasa, sorry, it's a three foot club with a very hard like Ball looking thing at the end of it. Yeah, so I know what that is.
Speaker 2Rod with this hand cannon.
Speaker 3Well okay, that's like a special case, like that's not something you can just carry. I don't think yeah.
Speaker 3Like you can't unless it's like a mini cannon, but even then, yeah, oh, yeah, okay, I see, so they he's got like a mini spear, because, okay, so the here's, here's how I'm kind of looking at it. Right, I think with these two, it would make most sense to me for them to be on an open field into hand-to-hand combat, right, yeah, with their weapons of choice. Both of them, it looks like they use spears, and the only difference is Shaka Zulu has a Zulu axe and Vlad has his Turkish saber so I couldn't actually I couldn't actually figure out how to pronounce the actual word, so I just called it Turkish saber.
Speaker 1What did we? Let me see Like a like a cemetery kind of thing, yeah similar to a cemetery, it's just it's not.
Speaker 3It's not as heavy on the top side though, so not as heavy like drawing weight basically, but it still has that curve that curved blade? What the Kalish? Yeah, I don't know, it's hard to J.
Speaker 1I J Kalish.
Speaker 3Okay, so the Zulu has an oxide shield, and then Vlad has the male plate shield.
Speaker 2Not a grass.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 1But yeah, I told you, I told you it was made out of hide. Yeah, I can't remember.
Speaker 3I think the Halbert is pretty fucking long. Yeah, it's about what? 10 feet long, oh yeah, so Halbert is like a spear mix with an axe, essentially.
Speaker 2Yeah, it's a spear with an axe head on the other way. Yeah, yeah, and then a spearhead at the tip as well.
Speaker 3Okay, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say like that, halbert is probably gonna go right through that shield.
Speaker 2The Halbert's, it's next level.
Speaker 1There's a thing if, if here's the thing I believe it would go to this should I believe the shield would stand up to it. A Sort of good amount. But if Vlad was on horse, was on the horseback Charging Shaka Zulu, oh yeah, that should that she will okay.
Speaker 3So completely yeah, I will say, like a hide shield, it's they can. They can withstand stuff, they. I feel like, honestly, if it got hit with the axe side of the Halbert, it would be fine. Against, like, like the shield would do fine. However, a stabbing motion of the long spear, I feel like it would go through pretty easily.
Speaker 1I don't know why, I don't know why?
Speaker 3but I just that's what I feel like it would do.
Speaker 2So that would like.
Speaker 3I would say that would probably take his shield away. You know, and one thing about the.
Speaker 2Zulu's is that, like Shaka was like a super strict military and like, yeah, military, disciplinary and and he like was really brutal with like his training, and the legends are that he would make people run up to like 50 miles a day, but okay, so I don't think, is that possible? I don't think that's possible soldiers, like yeah, like when people will say that okay at the very least he makes them run like 13 miles a day without color shit. So right you know, like they're not completely helpless against.
Speaker 3Calvary, I think even David, david Grogans. It took him like a day and a half to run 30 miles. Oh, david Grogans.
Speaker 2But when you say Grogans, yeah yeah, spears are like what you want against Calvary right, right.
Speaker 3Yeah, but but what I'm saying is like for this fight, I think it, I think it's totally fair to do basically just toe-to-toe with their weapons of choice. You know, yeah, like we'll say, we'll say for Shaka or not.
Speaker 2So, we'll do like we'll do.
Speaker 3There's there there. So Vlad would have a halberd and a shield and then he would switch to his Turkish Saber. Chaka Zulu would also have a shield and spear, but then he could switch to his Zulu axe and so and that's I don't know, that's just what it was called, but the way, but kind of how I see it playing out, is, if they're in a field, I feel like Chaka Zulu's shield would go away pretty quickly, but because he's like larger and Like it's, I don't know, he seems more agile to me too. I feel like he would get in close range of the halberd pretty quickly and knock it out of the way and then therefore, yeah, it would be short spear versus his Turkish Saber. I feel like then the Turkish Saber would cut the Short spear like the tip off, and then from there they would duke it out with the Turkish Saber versus his axe, and I feel like that's a pretty fair assumption.
Speaker 1But then also, come to think of it too, I do. I may be wrong, but I do believe that Chaka Zulu has trained in like hand-to-hand combat, like without weaponry. He trains a warrior, yeah.
Speaker 3Yeah, without weaponry. Yeah, they, they. They're both intense fucking warriors.
Speaker 2At the end of the year, dude but Chaka Zulu like these people are running around the fucking desert.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, like their legs are so much stronger.
Speaker 3Chaka Zulu does have a height and weighted well, not height. He has a height advantage but not a weight advantage. But honestly, yeah, height is kind of more important weight.
Speaker 1But just like the thing about it. But here's the thing about it too. Like if if Vlad's wearing his armor, I feel like he's no.
Speaker 3Vlad doesn't have armor.
Speaker 1He has just the shield. Because I was about to say if Vlad's wearing his armor, that he's weighed down and he's like kind of Uncombered.
Speaker 3No, he just like whatever fighting clothes, warrior clothes, okay.
Speaker 1The. Thing about him would have been the shield that yeah, it was a little bit like you were brought the Halberd into it and that would have been over over there at the same time he yes, he does have a plate shield and that would actually deflect a lot of like the actual short at or short Short spear and axe too.
Speaker 2Zulu. The thing is, chaka has the military insights. Yeah, true, I don't know. Vlad has the same thing.
Speaker 3Yeah so one was.
Speaker 1One was Vlad's reign the 1400s, right 1600s, yeah, 1400. And then Chaka Zulu's reigns was like the 1700s. So when he went against, his was actually the 1840s actually taken on the British.
Speaker 2So then, the British.
Speaker 1Yeah, so pretty much going against the British soldiers with their weaponry at that time. That's a huge advantage. But then also Vlad the impaler, having fought Chalazar me he was such a sadistic, sadistic fucker.
Speaker 2Oh yeah Much more but the thing is too.
Speaker 3It's like the Chaka. Chaka also does have a higher alleged kill count too. Yeah, but like the thing is like, it's like it's also like we both said.
Speaker 1It's like, hey, he, like they both could have ordered a bunch of people to do a bunch of things. You know they mean right, like I'm pretty much in this one. We're just looking for a toe to toe.
Speaker 3Yeah, yeah oh, they both have trained yeah they both have trained, so I mean you have to think about it like this they both have similar weapons, they both have intense fucking training and an intense amount of like. Well, at least Chaka, or Vlad, has an intense amount of like hatred for his enemies Shaka I don't know if he has like the same hatred but he's just, he was bullied, he killed, ended up killing all the people who bullied him.
Speaker 3Oh, okay, okay, so yeah, so he has a hatred too, he's definitely, at the end of the day, shaka, like height wise, has the advantage over him.
Speaker 1But you have to look at it like this, like it also comes down to weapons.
Speaker 3Yeah, so Vlad has the Halberd, which is a significantly large weapon. Shaka has a short spear, and then there's the axe versus the Turkish Saber, and then a hide shield versus a plate shield. You know so, but that plate shield isn't going to mean much if you are fast, tall and you could literally overpower that shield with that alone. You know. So, yeah, so I don't know.
Speaker 1A lot of factors a lot of factors for you to look at. Because, like, let's say, if Shaka Zulu were to like disarm, you know the Saber, the Halberd, just to get up close and he just like, completely, just plows through like the shield you know what I mean Just knocks.
Speaker 3But then you know he still has the Turkish Saber, which is also a very exactly to. So yeah, I will say, I want to say the Turkish Saber over an axe as you X has the advantage.
Speaker 1I would say so. Well, it has the advantage because you have speed and like length as well.
Speaker 3But if you get stabbed a couple of times with a short fucking spear like that's going to ruin your day too.
Speaker 2I think Zulu's physical build is probably outdoes Flots. Yeah, you know, I agree.
Speaker 3I agree, I feel like, I feel like Zulu is probably a much harder. Hard much like hardened like that.
Speaker 2That body.
Speaker 3No, no, Like physically he's taller and I feel like he's probably more fit too, like he's probably like literally when I said 165 pounds of just like muscle.
Speaker 1Yeah, and then, plus, not only that, it's like the Zulu clan was the most feared warrior clan in South Africa. That's because of and then Vlad the Impaler, yeah, because of him, and Vlad the Impaler, his army he was just the most feared man. He was the most feared man in what was his.
Speaker 3Romanians Transylvania technically at the time.
Speaker 1Transylvania. He was the most feared man in Transylvania, like in the whole country. And then you know Shagazoo, the most feared clan. Yeah, that's. They both have very revered reputations.
Speaker 3Fuck dude, this is hard, I know like.
Speaker 1I feel like this is harder than the serial killers, like with that in doubt.
Speaker 3Oh yeah, yeah, big time, because there's different factors Because I mean serial killers is just like, oh yeah, he fucked a bunch of hookers and slashed their throats or whatever. It's like OK yeah, you know, it's like it's easier to term. But if you like factor in people from history who were like hardened fucking warriors, it's like oh shit, like because, like the biggest thing too is like I wish we had like a simulator to do this shit.
Speaker 1It would make it so much easier. I'm sure we could. It is warrior.
Speaker 3I mean, I could, I could, I could try to figure out something like that for next time and like figure out how to like run numbers in a certain way. But, you know, but right now, you basically just have to determine it based off everything that you've heard. Yeah, I honestly, though, like to give my two cents. I honestly kind of feel like Shaka has this.
Speaker 3Yeah, because I'm kind of the two, but like it's just, weird because they they both have advantages and disadvantages and it's like really hard to like say well, they're on the same level.
Speaker 2You know what I mean?
Speaker 1Yeah, they're not necessarily, not necessarily on the same level, because I'm pretty sure Vlad does have intense training. But then again it's like, due to different weather conditions, due to different environments, due to different altitudes, due to like all this other stuff, what they're they're doing, training and everything Shaka Zulu has the most intense environment that you could ever do when training. Yeah, he has the most intense conditioning. As well as being hardened through his training and conditioning, he probably has a mental amount of stamina he could probably fight for like fucking I don't know like a couple hours If he truly needed to.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, he like, if anything, if he had like so much adrenaline, he could probably overpower like somebody who's I don't know Mirko's size or Mike Dowd's size. You know what I mean. Yeah, but when it comes to weapons it's like Vlad pretty much has it in the bag technically. But then again, if it's like you can have all these weapons, but then if you have speed, technique, the ability to be like one with your weapon, it's like all that stuff isn't going to really matter, if you like, because, like Shaka has like a man's training.
Speaker 3Well, it's like, it's like, it's like they, it's like they say the tools are useless unless the person knows how they're using it.
Speaker 1Unless the person knows how to use it. Yeah, which is like good in Shaka's opinion.
Speaker 2But it's not like Vlad doesn't know how to use it.
Speaker 1No, no yeah, I'm not saying like that doesn't know how to use it either, but then it's like Shaka's truly.
Speaker 2you know, an ancient warrior, but like in modern time, yeah yeah exactly Like Vlad is like it's comparatively so funny because, like Vlad, has more advanced weapons, but he lived 400 years beforehand, right 500 years.
Speaker 3Yeah, that's a good point too.
Speaker 2Yeah, it's very interesting, Like a Halberd, like they don't have Halberds, you know, like yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3Yeah, turkish Sabres. You know we have swords for that.
Speaker 2But they took on the British who have like gunpowder and stuff.
Speaker 1Yeah, there is that too, which is fucking wild, but you know honestly, I know I might get like some hate for this, but I do feel like Shaka Zulu takes it OK. Is that your official final decision? That is, yeah, that's my official decision.
Speaker 3I am actually. I'm actually OK with that because I think, realistically, toadato, I think Shaka Zulu just being like a hardened, intense warrior, I think he would overpower Vlad.
Speaker 2I think at the end of the day at the end of last days.
Speaker 3I feel like he probably relied more on his people.
Speaker 1His army? Yeah, because I feel like he was a torturer. He was like doing me wrong. I'm pretty sure he had like a lot of training with weapons and then conditioning, yeah, but I feel like in all reality he relied on his army and he only got his, his name, like you know, dracula from you know drinking captured, like the enemy's blood when they were captured, or freaking, like impaling them when they were captured, like yeah, and it's like if he were to do that in the battlefield, like slit somebody's freaking throat and just drinking their blood like dude, that's a badass motherfucker.
Speaker 1But like I feel, like, yeah, I feel like he did just rely on his army for like the most part.
Speaker 3He would probably be everybody else in this but the White Death. But even if you, even if you just rely on your army at the end of the day, like Shaka, zulu is estimated to have killed up to a million people, versus Vlad, it was only at 80 versus Vlad the impaler, which is still like a fucking insane amount of people.
Speaker 1But, you know, looking at a huge amount of, yeah, fucking huge amount of numbers, but it's also like you got a thing about conditioning, training, and then also battle, battle readiness, and then militaries have a things too, which Shaka took in the bag.
Speaker 3At the end of the day, you know this is our show and if people disagree with that then just an hate mail to Eli, and Eli alone, you know he's like.
Speaker 1You know that Shaka Zulu didn't happen. He didn't take off his shoes while fighting.
Speaker 2Yeah, because he had crocs on. He had crocs.
Speaker 1Come on, he put it in all wheel drive.
Speaker 3Anyway, so OK, so that is the winner of episode four. Shaka Zulu goes on to the next round. Vlad is sadly out of here. I feel like Most people would probably do pretty fucking poorly against Vlad the Impaler, but he just went toe-to-toe with someone who I think just is a little bit better Like Carl Dinky yeah.
Speaker 2Like Carl Dinky would have got laid out.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, big time.
Speaker 2Oh yeah.
Speaker 1Well, you know, if Vlad would have fought Miracle Copa, he would have got laid out.
Speaker 3Yeah, we're just playing games of like whatever you know. But basically what we're going to do is for next week, we're going to take the four winners. We're going to put them in a weird environment. I like the idea of just putting them in like a fully stocked Macy's. I think that's pretty funny. We'll figure out more conditions than just that and then we'll go in there and figure out who's going to be the winner of those four, because all four of them are basically going to go into a battle royale, essentially.
Speaker 2Do you have any predictions?
Speaker 3I, no, I don't.
Speaker 1I feel like we should leave the predictions like off, off, off episode, no biases, no biases, yeah, off episode. I think that's good, because we really have to boil it down to like no favorites, just straight up.
Speaker 3Fairness, good scenarios for each person At this point, we no longer have roles, you know, and judges we're all. The three of us are coming together to determine like a winner out of like one person that all three of us essentially agree on, and then that'll be the episode for that.
Speaker 1Yeah, so we have to like, whether it's weapons or just straight up and all out brawl. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3So we'll figure all that out and you guys will hear it for that episode, episode five Of the second season of our killer tournament. That being said, thank you for stopping by this episode Once again. You can email us at secretciloshowcom. You can follow us on Instagram TikTok, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. All that bullshit, leave us five stars.
Speaker 2Blah, blah, blah, blah blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you get the deal.
Speaker 3Okay, so do all that fucking bullshit, cause I mean, you know, we, we, we just miss it in the way that we do. But you know, obviously it helps us stand out because literally fucking everybody in the year 2020 decided to be trendy and start a podcast, and we're not innocent of that either, but we like someone out there to give us a little review. I feel like we are probably one of the more unique shows out there Because oh yeah, I wouldn't doubt it, yeah.
Speaker 3We drew inspiration from a couple different shows. I'm not gonna say which shows, but yeah, it's just well. I kind of wanted to come up with something unique.
Speaker 3Cause everybody wants to talk about, you know, true crime and facts and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But you know it's like that's just kind of boring and boring. We want to do something more fun, you know, but not, but not. But we also don't consider ourselves comedians either. Have a good sense of humor with each other and we've been told many times from other people that were funny. So we just let it go to our head.
Speaker 3Yeah, we're just we're not trying to be like a true crime fact based show and we're not trying to be a comedy only type based show. We're trying to find our own niche crowd, basically. So yeah, I mean, that's essentially it. So any parting words from you, two fucking cucks?
Speaker 1Yeah, I mean yeah, tune in, tune in for the next episode where we, you know, get together and find out who's the winner.
Speaker 2Yeah, I was doing research on Chaka Zulu and this guy on YouTube is like don't get mad at me if I mispronounce anything here, and this is like the most such a difficult story to follow and some of the pronunciations have like clicks in them Mdwon, they. He's like forgive me if I mispronounce it.
Speaker 3Oh yeah, he's just worried about not being careful because he's a cuckoo. Forgive me if I mispronounce your face Like sir, go sit in the, go sit in the cup chair, ok.
Speaker 2No, I mean yeah.
Speaker 3I will say parting words Don't fuck pilot eggs, because that is not good. You should eat your eggs instead, because the government tells you not to eat eggs. They're like oh, it raises your your estrogen level. No, no, that's so extra, so it means they say it raises your heart pressure or blood pressure.
Speaker 1Is it?
Speaker 3really no, of course not. It makes you more powerful, makes you eggs. You should eat eggs all the fucking time. I was just saying don't fuck your eggs, because Xander's nickname is egg fucker 69. So that's true. Don't do that. Stand there, it's my favorite shape. Yeah, that's, but that's my, that's my advice for you guys this week Don't fucking eat eggs, eat them instead. It's fine. You can maybe get away with taking like a, not a syringe, but like a, like a, like a little droplet, you know, and put some egg in there and then put up your urethra. That's probably fine. Your three, that's actually probably not a. Medically, that's probably not OK. Don't do that. No, I highly doubt that's OK. I mean, Eli does it all the time, but I'm saying you shouldn't. Eli is a special.
Speaker 1Yeah, I stick it up my urethra's and my. What is it? Is that really my Cerebellum? When did I change my ear? You're busy my Pernumbrum, your perinum.
Speaker 3Your prize and my friend. I like how you mumbled out because you didn't know what it was. You're like my perinum. What do they say? Pernumbrum, pernumbrum, my Pernumbrum, your Pernumbrum. I think I saw perinum goes run by me, so I'm going to go like I literally saw. I literally saw a shadow on the ground run by and there's a cat still behind me, so I don't know what that was. Was it a gnome? It might have been a gnome. Anyway, all right. So bye guys, see you later. Bye.
Speaker 1Bye.