Season 5 Episode 7: The Word on Coaching - WholeHearted

Prepare to be refreshed and inspired!

In this episode we discuss the concept of wholeheartedness with our guest Kat Middleton. Kat is an Empowerment Coach who is passionate about her work and advocates for authentic wholehearted living both personally and professionally. 

During this episode Kate share her insights about living and leading with wholeheartedness. She helps us understand that managing our energy is essential for us to be effective leaders.  We will spend some time talking about taking care of ourselves so we can take care of others.

Kat also share some tips on being aware of our self-talk, managing our expectations, and giving ourselves time and space to be wholehearted.

We hope you enjoy this episode

Contact Information:

Kat Middleton

linkedin.com/in/kat-wholeheartedconcepts

Contact Kat (wholeheartedconcepts.com)

Certified Professional Coach (CPC) from the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching(iPEC) and Energy Leadership Index Master 

​​​Certified Daring Way™Facilitator (CDWF). The Daring Way™is a highly experiential methodology based on the research of Dr. Brené Brown.

Check out our best-selling book The Word on Coaching released on June 14, 2022.

Amazon.com: The Word on Coaching: 9781737643807: Neely, Debby, Auger, Joann, Fuselier, Kevin: Books

Also, please check out quick guide about powerful questions: "Embrace the Power of Questions!"    A Quick Reference Guide to Getting the Answers You Need. 

Recommended Books in this Podcast Episode:

The Miracle Morning: The Not-So-Obvious Secret Guaranteed to Transform Your Life (Before 8AM): Elrod, Hal, Kiyosaki, Robert: 8601404386732: Amazon.com: Books

Transcript

Debby 0:04

Well, hi everybody. Welcome to the Word on Coaching podcast. I'm Debbie. I'm here with my fellow coaches, Joanna. Kevin. Hey guys. Hello

JoAnn 0:13

everyone. Hello, everybody.

Debby 0:16

We are coaches three. We are three friends with years and years and years of leadership and coaching experience, and we wanna share our passion with others. So we started this podcast. And our podcast is for leaders, whether you have that formal title or not, because we know a lot of you are out there leading and you don't have formal title. So this is for you two. We focus on one word that relates to leadership and coaching. We know leadership is hard, so along with our guests, we're gonna give you some tips. We're gonna share information that we have, give you a different perspective, and always, always a lot of support. We got your. So today I'm very excited to welcome our guest KA Middleton. And I have to tell you, I could talk to KA for hours and you, you guys are gonna see exactly why I'm saying that. And today we're gonna just scratch the surface on all that she has to offer us. But let me tell you a little bit about Ka. My first introduction to her was when she facilitated a workshop and it was for a women's group and the topic was imposter syndrome. And when I walked away from that, what I thought was, gosh, not only is KA just so insightful and knowledgeable, but she's so supportive and so good at giving you that space to just figure out your own journey through your stuff. And I think that's what makes her such a great coach. And it makes sense when you know a little bit more about her background. She's an empowerment coach, which I, I love that. Right. You'd be able to say, I'm an empowerment coach. She's certified through ipec, which is the Institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching. She's also an occupational therapy practitioner, but it's really about who CAT is. And you know, I noticed on your, your website for Wholehearted Concepts CAT that you had wrote that you like to help people find. That purposeful, meaningful, and peaceful filled life that they deserve. And I feel like that really sums you, you up in kind of the core of who you are. So we we're thrilled to have you here. there's so much more that was just like a little bitty introduction for you. So what else should we know about you? What else would you like to.

Kat 2:25

Well, first of all, I wanna say thank you, Debbie. Kevin and Joanne. I really appreciate the opportunity to be on the podcast and the work that you're doing for coaching as well as for the community because the work touches people's lives and that. So I really wanna thank you for that and I wanna congratulate you on the book that you've recently written. Yes, that's a really big deal. And although I have to confess, I have not read the book yet. It is on my list and I cannot wait to read it. So anything that promotes coaching, I, I just really celebrate that, so thank you for having me. A little bit about me is I started Wholehearted Concepts back in 2015. I come from a background of sales. Which after being resized and restructured and downsized and renegotiated so many times, I decided I needed a second career. So I ended up going into occupational therapy. And I just love the profession because it helps people help themselves, and that's what I'm all about. I'm all about supporting those people who really are interested in supporting themselves, and so, People don't even know how to do that. So that's where I just really love to take someone's hand and walk alongside them. So thanks for asking.

Debby 4:01

Sure. So check out Cat's website, wholehearted Concepts, and you know, for today's episode, our word is wholehearted. And when Cat and I met to talk about what her word should be, it was so funny because I came with a list of some. I didn't share them. And I said, KA, what? What do you think your word should be? And she said, well, I'm thinking wholehearted. And I look down and I'm like, what's number one on my list? Wholehearted. So that was a pretty easy one, cat. So tell us a little bit about wholehearted. What is wholehearted living and why should a leader even have that on their radar? So

Kat 4:39

wholehearted to me, really, The foundation of wholehearted is living a life from a place, a platform of worthiness. And I do believe that that's something that not everybody has at every moment. So I love being engaged in life from a, a place of worthiness. And from there I think we can do amazing things. It's, it's about living a life of courage. Putting courage over comfort sometimes and just really celebrating the miracle that we are. And I know a lot of the times we get in our own way, but I, I just really think wholeheartedness is a very sacred place where we celebrate who we are, what we are, and the miracles that we are.

Debby 5:33

I love that. And so actually had a conversation with a leader today where I pointed out to her that she was being so courageous and she was like, really? She's like, do you know? And it is, it's really important for leaders to have that courage and not get stuck in their, their rut of comfort.

Kat 5:50

Yeah, absolutely. And I know if you know a little bit about my business and you've checked out my website that I do focus on energetic transformation, self celebration, and wholehearted living. I just think those three things are just really good. Have you ever seen a stool with three legs on it? Those are my three legs. Yeah.

Kevin 6:14

Well, I wanna know a little bit more about that energetic transformation, cuz I know sometimes one factor that can distinguish some good leaders from other leaders is is their energy and the type of energy that they bring to their team and to any situation. So can you tell us more about energetic transformation?

Kat 6:36

Sure I'd be happy to. I believe we're all holistic beings. I believe we're, we're made up of many different influences. Spiritual, physical, social, emotional mental and environmental. So energy is a big part of who we are and what I like to say is, Because I went through ipec, Bruce Snyder, who runs the program there, he taught us about the seven levels of energy, and he taught us about the energetic self-perception chart that includes seven levels of energy. So what I've learned is that some of those levels, the first two levels are catabolic and they are. Growth producing, although some of us live in those energy levels, for example, like. The victim level has, have you known people who kind of just have that victim mentality and they just feel like they can't move forward? Well, that is a level of energy and energy. I like to relate it to like a radio station. I use my ear to kind of turn my energy up and down. Sometimes but radio stations put out waves and I like, you know, if you tune into that station, you're going to get that broadcast. And I like to think of energy the same way Victim energy has a certain. Vibration and it attracts victim mentality. So that is just one level of energy. Another level of energy that we might explore would be anger. So anger and the blame game. Have we ever known anyone to say, it's not my fault, it's your fault. Right. That's the blame game. There's seven levels of energy, two, which are catabolic and, and five, which are anabolic, which are very growth producing. And I really like to educate people on energy because energy affects everything that we do. Energy is a commodity that is so valuable to our lives, so it's really important to me to help people. Myself as well as others really be in tune with the energy level that they're resignating at. And my goal is to help people maybe even move up one or two levels from where they're at. I sometimes people want instant change, it happens sometimes, but not often. It's usually a process and a practice, so I like to help people shift into the next. Yeah.

Kevin 9:32

Thank you. That sounds very, very interesting. I know I've heard people talk about managing your, your energy and not your time because sometimes we're to do things, we're the right place. It's just, we're just going ins and not a done. So thanks for sharing in that cat

JoAnn 9:51

that have was explained very simply and straightforward. I really appreciate that. You know sometimes, well, let me own it. Sometimes I was gonna say we leaders, but sometimes I get in my own way and I often coach leaders where it's obvious to me that they're in their own way and. Sometimes has to do with the imposter syndrome. Sometimes it's just negative behavior, right? So you are an empowerment coach. What can we do to combat that distorted thinking, especially the imposter syndrome. I was speaking with a leader today that's really struggling with that. Had never heard of that syndrome before imposter syndrome. So can you speak to that

Kat 10:38

for us? I can speak to that. I I really like to speak about that. I think everything starts with a thought. Everything starts with a thought and a thought can be changed. So a lot of times with imposter syndrome I believe it's doubt, it's fear, it's all of the talk that's happening in our heads and we. Can control that. And even if we can't, cuz I know there's so many people out there, I heard for a long time, you know, stop being so hard on yourself, stop seeing being so hard on yourself. And I said, well how do you do that? So there's a lot of people out there who think, I don't know how to do that. Can you help me do that? And and it really does all start with a thought. So, I think that we are unique, amazing miracles. We come into this world and I think that's our superpower, and we all have these beautiful capes, but we just don't often see them. So I like to help people see their. Capes, but we also have what's called conditioning. From the time we come into the world, we're conditioned by so many things in, you know, parents, teachers, our environment how we're brought into this world, what we're exposed to. Are we exposed to diversity or are we. Enlightened by different cultures. Do you know? All of that affects us and our thinking. So sometimes I call it stinking thinking can be our kryptonite, right? So that can really set us back. And sometimes stinking thinking can actually be a default because we actually default sometimes to thoughts that just aren't empowering for us. So what I like to do is help people. Become aware. That's the first step. Do we even recognize that our thinking. Is not moving us in the direction that we want it to move us. And then once we start to become aware of it, how can we change it? So we might take a negative statement and that's where the coaching comes in. What could we say differently? How can we empower ourselves to take that next step forward? So, You know, you're changing the cans into the Kens and it's simple language, but it, it's simple, but it's not easy. It takes, it takes practice. An inner critic you know, it took me a long time to learn that the inner critic is part of who I am. And so, you know, learning about my inner critic, and understanding that the whole purpose of my inner critic was to keep me safe at a time where I needed it. Helped me to understand it better. But now I also have an inner cheerleader and I'm actually in the process of writing a book that talks about many of the characters that might reside in the head. And so that's to come. And I'll tell you more about the judge and the inner critic and the inner cheerleader and our, you know, things like. That'll come another episode, That

JoAnn 14:11

sounds exciting. Please keep us posted and when that book gets published, we will definitely have you back on. Okay. This is just a personal note when you noted super heroes, you know that's one of the things I always struggle with, you know, on social media, media you see so much about super heroes and like I'm never gonna be one. And I got taught a lesson recently by my four year old grandson about superhero. He told his mom he wanted to be a superhero for Halloween. And I was like, Ugh. And so my daughter said, what kind of superhero you wanna be like, Superman, spidering, man, who you wanna be? No, I have my own special powers. And she's like, oh, so what is your special power? And he stood up and, and says, my special power is is that I'm kind. And I thought here he is at four years old and he does not have imposter syndrome at all, I just pray that he keeps that confidence in who he is. I loved your example of. You know, we enter this world. He taught me that he entered this world with already knowing. His power is to be kind and he, and, and what that does for him. So I, I like that correlation that you use, that we're, we're born with those super powers, but we hide them where we don't use them.

Kat 15:38

And I love that you shared that because we can learn so much from a four year old or our younger generation. Right. And I also wanna say to that, that there is, I always used to think, you know, it's extraordinary to be ordinary. We don't have to do these things. huge things. Right? There's, it's extraordinary to. Do the simple little things sometimes, and sometimes superhero can get blown up so much that we think we have to achieve. But I think when I say the words, I mean really just embracing all of who we are that wholehearted self living and loving in a, in a sacred space of knowing our platform is we're miracles. We're just miracle. But not all of us see that when we look in the mirror or hear that when we talk to ourselves. So those are the baby steps that I try and help people, myself and others, continue to make progress in. Yeah, it's

Debby 16:47

a journey. I think the, the rest of that story too, Julian, is that your, your grandson then shared what he. The rest of the family's superpowers were right, is very, you know, for sometimes for other people to say, this is what I've noticed is your superpower can, can feel really good too, right? That your four year old grandson is like, Nana, this is your superpower, right? This is what I notice about you. that's so good. I love that. Yeah, that's very cool. And I have to say ka the stink and thinking that was one of my dad's phrases growing up. So when he said that, I was hear my dad's voice, he would me time me and my sisters would insert the negative talk about, especially about ourselves. He would be like, are you doing stink? And thinking there, you know, stop that stink. And, and see, I heard my dad saying that it's

Kat 17:34

so amazing to me that in in life we can do so much. But we see and hear sometimes the negative and we don't magnify the positive. And that is such a beautiful thing to magnify and it, it helps us grow. And growth is what life's all about. So,

Debby 17:59

absolutely, and I think it's, I read somewhere too that our brains are actually, it's, it's the survival instinct back to caveman days that our brain does have this negative. Perspective that we tend to seek out the negative cause we're looking for threats. To counteract that, we almost have to be intentional about looking for the positive and telling people the positive to, because that's just the way our brains

Kat 18:20

work. Yes, yes. We are wired that way.

Debby 18:25

Yeah. Unfortunately. Right. Like you said, we could just, it's, it's just not noticing it. The awareness and then how, how am I gonna flip it? Yeah. So, It's interesting cuz you talk a lot about self celebration and a recurring theme that Coaches three has talked about in our book and also on our podcast, is really encouraging leaders not to just let things, let life pass them by, but to acknowledge when they've accomplished things, when they're achieving things, when they're making progress, and not just go on to the the next thing. I, you know, so many people are living such a fast paced life and they feel like they just have to move on. The next thing. Will you talk us a little bit about self celebration? what does that look like? why is it important for people to,

Kat 19:10

to do that? So it's really important. I don't know if you've ever heard of, of a accomplishment journal, but I was, I offer that to people to, you know, just take a moment in a journal. To write down something good that you did. This again is expanding on the goodness and write down something that you did that, that you felt was good today. And as you write that in the journal and you look back on it a year from now and you see how much growth you've had, it's, it's very empowering. But what I also like to coach on is for people to pause. Park just for a moment. We have these beautiful things happen in our lives and we sometimes just keep moving. We, we move forward, move forward, move forward and we forget. Let me park here for a minute and let me just feel, which is something that cannot be easy for some. Let me feel. My emotion right now, let me feel the success of, of this accomplishment. It's very special to stand in that accomplishment for, for, to bask in it for a little bit. It's just such a, it's like taking a shower, like you're just, and it's all good, right? So mm-hmm. So you just wanna feel that for a little bit. And what that does is it, It infuses you with positivity. It infuses you with greater confidence and it reminds you of the miracle that you are. I just love for people to self celebrate and along with that, I would also say I recently did a Woman in the Woods event and what I coached on was rest and play. So I think sometimes self celebration is allowing ourselves. To play, which, we have to make time for. We had a bunch of women at this event and I brought hula hoops and jacks and, you know, cards and, we just, we played outside just like we were kids and it was. It was very well received and it was just so beautiful to see the joy on people's faces just by having a moment to celebrate and play. And so I just think celebration is a big self celebration is a big part of what I like to do.

Debby 21:50

I think it's a great reminder for leaders to work play. The workplace, right? Yes. And holidays are just a great time to do that. But to, we can have fun together. We can, we can play and, and I think as a leader, encouraging that can be

Kat 22:06

really helpful. Yes. And sometimes if you, if it is incorporated, It creates more of a environment where creativity and growth and productivity can flourish. Instead of just work, work, work, work, work. And I know we are a society that does. Pride ourselves on work and productivity, but I do think that play, rest and, and a little bit of comfort in nurturing goes a long way. So just pause for a moment. Eat an apple or, you know, go, you know, do something. Wow, Fun. Yeah. Fun, right?

Kevin 22:52

I'm all for that. I'm a big proponent of more play in our lives because as you say, we're. I think we are obsessed with work and what it is, and in, in some cases, and in my case, there have been times where work became too big a place in my life and it started pushing other things out. Like play, like rest, like reflection, because it was just kind of work, work, work, work. I love the fact that you had that retreat and just gave people time and space to play. I think that's, I think that's,

Kat 23:25

Thank you. It was, it was so much fun.

Kevin 23:29

I also heard that you are a daring weight certified facilitator. Oh my, which is which is based on some of Brene Brown's work. And I'm wondering I know sometimes Brene talks a lot about being vulnerable. She talks about courage and different things like that. Can you share some insights with us in your work on how vulnerability and leadership work together?

Kat 23:58

Absolutely. I do Brene Brown's work. I'm a certified Daring Way facilitator. I'm in the middle right now of coaching a workshop on Daring Greatly, which talks about how the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead vulnerability and trust. Are two sides of the same coin to me. She teaches that in order to gain trust, we have to be vulnerable. We have to open ourselves up and be transparent, we also have to trust to be vulnerable. So those safe spaces, being able to be who we are that is vulnerability and it takes, again, a lot of courage. So it's so important. But with vulnerability and trust comes, connection comes, relationship comes connection and, and growth. Without these things, we can be stagnant. And one of the things that Brene talks about, I know that she's really, she educates on the myth of vulnerability. So she talks about six different myths and two paradoxes. And one of them is that vulnerability looks like courage in you. But feels like weakness in me. It's so interesting. Those are some of the things I coach on. She has many different she has two workshops. They're usually five to eight week workshops. One is Daring Greatly where we learn how to show up the scene and live brave. And the other one is rising strong, where when we've, if we're gonna show up, be seen, and live, brave. We're gonna get knocked down sometimes. So then we're gonna need to learn how to rise strong. That's the other workshop. And and then she has one of my favorite books, which is The Gifts of Imperfection, where she talks about what we need to let go of and what we need to cultivate more of. And just as an example of that perfectionism is something we need to really work to let go. Striving for healthy excellence is a much is a more empowering way to go and in order to let go of perfectionism, the antidote or what really helps with that. Is learning self-compassion. So that is something, especially for those of you out there that are really hard on yourselves self-compassion can be the sav that we need to learn to apply to help us think those better thoughts and move forward, even if it's one thought at a time. It's, it's really powerful. And I love her work. She's amazing. So I feel very honored and privileged to be able to do it.

Kevin 26:55

Debbie and I read, give some imperfection together and we had some interesting conversations about it. You talk about growing and growth when you when you take those concepts own and you start to try to practice them. As you say, it's, it really can change your perspective and change how you relate to yourself and to other people.

Kat 27:16

Absolutely.

JoAnn 27:18

That is so true and yeah, we're all big fans of Brene and we, Debbie and I talk about, we knew her when before all of this, and we had the privilege of meeting her. She had just done her first. Was it YouTube or what was it? Ted Talk, right? Ted Talk. Yeah, Ted Talk.

Kat 27:36

Oh, her TED Talk.

JoAnn 27:38

Yeah. Her famous Ted Talk but anyway, we're we're big fans and, I know it it. It sounds, not only are you honored, I think she would probably be honored to have you because you really take this to heart and I so appreciate what you've shared with us today. But I'm gonna shift gears just a little bit and talk about our circles of influence. we surround ourselves With people all the time. I'm surrounded by so many people, but I I've in my latter years have like tried to narrow that down and like, who do I really want to be around me? Right. So what is your um, Thoughts about surrounding yourself with people who have wholehearted living at their core, and then who influenced you? Who do you have around you that's influenced you, and what did they do that had this impact on you?

Kat 28:34

Great question. I think, well, one of the people that was very pivotal and influenced me a lot was Gilda Radner. Gilda is. I was one of the lucky people who got to watch Saturday Night Live when the original tribe came out and it was the whole seven. And she was so funny to me, and she was so real. She was such a real person. And I say that not just in the joy that she bought me, but also as she experienced cancer, how she actually wrote some quotes. One saying, you know, I think it was, I wanted a perfect ending and that wasn't what she got. But she was so real in how she lived her life. And so sometimes self growth can be Can also be difficult for people. So I like that we can strive for excellence in taking that next step forward. But I also like that we can be real and, just really not put too much pressure on ourselves. I just think little baby steps sometimes will get us where we need to go and, and. Being able to be compassionate with ourselves when we're going through some really tough stuff. So she was a pivotal person for me. And then I got very involved in self-help books. So I had the privilege of seeing Oprah. She really influenced me. I went to see. When she did live your best life and you know, just that statement, live your best life really moved me to want to live my best life. My husband and I got to see Les Brown at Westminster High School, where there was only maybe a handful of 30 people there. And it was as if he was talking right at me. I was like, so, you know, he really influenced me. Tony Robbins. Big influence in my life, you know gosh, there's been so many. Jim, Ron Brian, Tracy, Dale Carnegie. In 1988. I worked for a company and the, the owner of the company, Had the vision to send his managers to Dale Carnegie Management training, and it was so awesome. These are people who've influenced my life. And then just, just people around me, my friends and family who you know, who are in. I call'em marble jar friends, they're in my circle. If I need someone to bounce something off of they're right there for me. So I feel very blessed. I've had some amazing influences in my life.

Debby 31:29

I love the examples. Cause sometimes we forget that it doesn't have to be someone that we. interact with every day, right? These people that have this strong influence could be someone that maybe we will never meet in person, but they can still have a huge impact on us and our lives and our thinking and how, how we view the world.

Kat 31:49

Yeah. Like Joanne's four year old grandson, I met a person one time when I was having a very difficult. Who just expressed in the kindest way, just a more of kindness. And I just carried that with me. And I thought, you know, to be, to be present enough, to be grateful enough to see when someone's just offering some kindness and you can take that and just tuck it into yourself and carry it with you. That's such a special gift from anyone. Mm-hmm.

Debby 32:25

Yeah. Well, cat, we are so glad that you are in our circle of influence and when you talked before about expanding on goodness, I feel like that's what you've done with us tonight has really helped us expand on the goodness. So before we let you go, we have three questions that we always ask all of our guests. So the first one is, what is a book that you think a leader coach should.

Kat 32:50

The book that I think a leader should read, it's a book I love, it's called The Miracle Mourn. It's written by Hal Elrod and it talks about what he calls the six Lifesavers, and it includes silence, affirmations, visualization, exercise. Reading and scribing. And these are practices that he talks about doing on a daily basis, preferably in the morning since it's called The Miracle Morning. But you can do'em anytime and it is a powerful book. And he also has The Miracle Morning for Entrepreneur. So it is a book that I think I'm a firm believer. It's a new day. That's a philosophy that I live by. I went to a conference once and they started the conference with, on the big screen, the sun was coming up and in every language they said, It's a new day in every language, and that impacted me so greatly. I was like, you know what? It is a new day, a new possibility, a new opportunity. So I love the Miracle Warning. I think it's a great book for leaders.

Debby 34:16

Our next question is about questions. So what question have you been asked that really just gave you pause, it made you think a little deeper? It maybe gave you a different perspective and how'd you look at something a little differently? For me,

Kat 34:31

that question would be, what do you want? That is a question that makes me pause, makes me go deep. And, and in my coaching practice, when I ask, what do you want? I find that's a very. Difficult question for people to answer, mostly because it's not in alignment yet. And so that, that would be the question that I would say, what do you want? Okay.

Debby 35:04

And besides the wholehearted that we talked about tonight, what is your word on coaching?

Kat 35:10

My word on coaching. I think my word for this moment would be, can I, which is constant and never ending. Learn improvement, constant. Wait, can I constant? No, I gotta get it right. Can I, constant and never ending improvement. I really like that word because I do think we're. A work that's just happening every day. We're evolving, we're growing, and if we have breadth, then we have the opportunity to be grateful. And if we have that, then we can grow. And so, yeah, I think Can I, is my word okay

Debby 35:51

love? So now everyone understands what I said in the beginning when I said we could talk to KA for hours and hours, right? She says that sweet soul that you're like, I could just listen to her and ask her questions and talk to her for hours and hours. But ka, it has been such a pleasure having you on. The word on coaching. We appreciate you taking the time to be here and, and to share a little bit of yourself with our audience. Joanne and Kevin has always, it's been a pleasure having you guys. Thanks to our audience for listening. Check out more of our word on coaching podcasts out there. We also have a coach of three Facebook page. And of course our book, the Word on coaching is out now. Buy copies for yourself. Buy copies for other people. It's a great Christmas or holiday present that you can buy for other people. And until next time, everyone, that's the word on coaching. Thank you,