Season 7 Episode 6: The Word on Coaching - Leadership Love

What does love have to do with it? Everything if you are a leader.

In this episode, we explore the concept of Leadership Love with Jennifer Flowers. 

This podcast episode will help you get your heart right.

Our guest Jennifer Flowers shares some thought-provoking ideas about showing love to the people you lead.  

Jennifer Flowers is a business owner, community advocate, and awesome leader. She has several years of experience in the insurance and financial services industry.

In the podcast, Jennifer says :

1. I think that your team needs to trust you.
2. I think they need to have hope in you and what you're about. 
3. I think they do need to know that you care. 

 Take some time to check in with how you are caring for yourself and for your people.

Contact information:
Jennifer Flowers - State Farm Insurance Agent in Shreveport, LA

(13) Jennifer Flowers | LinkedIn

Books Recommended in this episode:
The Gifts of Imperfection: 10th Anniversary Edition: Features a new foreword and brand-new tools: Brown, Brené: 9781616499600: Amazon.com: Books

StrengthsFinder 2.0: Gallup: 0074994540415: Amazon.com: Books

The Dan Sullivan Question: Dan Sullivan: 9781897239179: Amazon.com: Books

Check out our best-selling book The Word on Coaching.  Buy a copy for yourself and copies to share with others.
Amazon.com: The Word on Coaching: 9781737643807: Neely, Debby, Auger, Joann, Fuselier, Kevin: Books

Check out our  quick guide about powerful questions: "Embrace the Power of Questions!"   A Quick Reference Guide to Getting the Answers You Need.  

Transcript

Kevin: 0:05

Hi, everyone. Welcome to the word on coaching podcast. I'm Kevin Fuselier, and I'm here with Joanne and Debbie. Say hello.

Debby: 0:15

Hello. Hi, everybody.

Kevin: 0:18

We are coaches three, three friends with years of leadership and coaching experience who want to share our passion with others. Our podcasts are for leaders, whether you have the formal title or not, because we know a lot of you out there are leading without a title. We focus on 1 word that relates to leadership and coaching. We know leadership can be hard. So we, along with our guests, give you tips, share some information, hopefully fresh perspectives and always a lot of support. We got you today. We're excited to welcome Jennifer flowers. And I want to share a little bit about Jennifer as our guest tonight. I actually used to work for Jennifer and I would say she is a super person. She is a super mom. She's a super boss. She's a super agent. And she's just one of those people that you kind of want to hang around because they help you be better. I'll just tell a quick story about Jennifer. When I worked with Jennifer, she knew how to create a space so you could be your best. And I was working on a team with Jennifer and she said, okay, we're probably going to get in trouble, but that's okay. I'll get us out. And that that gave us so much freedom to go out and do the things that we need to do for that particular job. And you know what? We did get in trouble and Jennifer did get us out of trouble. So I've been indebted to Jennifer for being a super leader and just being 1 of those kind of people that really challenges you to be your best probably never worked harder in my life than when I worked for Jennifer. She definitely set a high standard and we, we achieved more than we ever thought we would achieve. So Jennifer, I'll stop bragging about you. Is there anything else that you would like people to know about you?

Jennifer: 2:13

I'm thinking I just wish you would keep talking. guess, first and foremost, I definitely see myself as a work in progress in all those areas that you just described. I think that's the hardest thing when doing something like this is, you know, you just do what you do. And you're not aware of the impact you're having positive and negative, right? I definitely believe I've, been a great leader in some ways, you know, and in certain circumstances, certain people and and I think I've had just as many experiences where I did that did it poorly and and, you know, hopefully learn from it. So that's that's something for sure. Is I see myself as a, as a work in progress. And anyway I'm a, I am a mom. I have four daughters actually now. And a wonderful fiance that supports me very, very much in what I do and a great team here. And anyway, so yeah, that's me a little bit.

Kevin: 3:10

For today's episode, the word is love. When I asked Jennifer about her word, she said she definitely had a word, but wanted some time to think about it. So when we reconnected about her word, she shared. A story of why and what she wanted to talk about and she landed on what I'm calling leadership love. But I was definitely intrigued and really want to dig into this and explore her thoughts on love and leadership. Jennifer, how would you define love in the context of this conversation?

Jennifer: 3:48

It's really what you were saying earlier, Kevin, when you said, you know, bring out the best. Sometimes I say it's a, I guess it's a gift and sometimes it feels like it's a curse, you know, but when I am with people for some reason I think, I don't know if it's a gift, but anyway, I see people in a way, I think I just see them at their best. I see what they are capable of and sometimes what maybe they can't see in themselves and see their dreams and all that kind of thing. And so to me, it's meeting people where they are. And then also at the same time, seeing that, you know, seeing what it is that they want. I think leadership love is respecting a person as another human being, seeing them as a human first and and that it's it's their life. They're not here for for me and what I'm trying to accomplish. I'm here for them to help them accomplish that. And hopefully we line that up so that we go into teamwork together. Leading someone in love to me first and foremost is seeing them. I read this somewhere. It said to be seen and to be heard is, is really what love is. It's the closest thing to love. And for some reason, I think I. With all of my faults. I think I am. I have that as a gift that I am able to see people sometimes in a way that they can't see themselves. And so I'm able to maybe shine a light or a mirror for them so that they can see that, does that make sense? It

JoAnn: 5:25

makes great sense. You know, something that came to mind while you were talking, especially the part about being seen and heard. We live in a world today. They were. We, I noticed, you know, you said, Kevin, I haven't seen you in a while we don't see people and I mean that figuratively and literally, we don't see people and oftentimes we talk over people. We're so busy wanting to get our message out. So I could see that connection. Can you talk a little bit more about how love applies to leadership specifically and to coaching?

Jennifer: 6:03

So, you know, just in an everyday way, maybe I could share a story or 2 I've had, as I'm sure, anyone who's been in business for any period of time you have your team has things that they go through. And I think one thing for me is, is learning to be really patient and and present, on a day to day basis kind of tending to what is it that that person needs and, and sometimes, when I say being patient, it might be given that person time because maybe they have a personal situation that they are working through, and it's just not the time to climb the next professional gold mountain. You know what I'm saying? I had a team member that lost her mom, during COVID and then I had, you've had team members go through divorce and significant loss in their lives and and knowing that they're, they're hardworking people and they've done a great job and, and so, but they might have times periods where they're They're not at their best. And so, you know, being, being patient and being there for them during that time other examples would be when you can see that someone when they, they really have potential and have the desire to accomplish more and have goals, but for whatever reason, kind of keep hitting a brick wall and not able to overcome it. I think something that I am able to do sometimes is to ask people a question that maybe they need to ask themselves, but you've just, you've, you've really got to be genuinely interested in that person and their. Well, being I don't think you can fake. Caring about people you can, I guess, but you're. It will be different. You'll get a different result.

Debby: 7:58

I feel like the examples you just gave us, Jennifer, I mean, it sounds like very authentic to you and and who you are, which is, which is wonderful. You know that you that's it sounds like that's just how you show up for people, which is really cool. So, there might be some leaders, especially new leaders sitting out there that are thinking. This sounds really good, but how do I actually do this? Like, how do I actually show love to people? Maybe not when it's, they're at their worst, right? Where they've had a loss or something like that, but just kind of in your daily, how you show up as the leader each day. What are some tips or some real life examples that you could share with them of this is what it would look like to to show love as a leader,

Jennifer: 8:40

right? I will say to it probably doesn't always look like love or, or, or feel like or sound like it, you know? So I think having that, having the vision taking the time to develop your vision for your business. When I think about my business, I have core elements to it. I have my team is definitely, cause I talked to my team like this, I say, we're, we're like a stool. And if you took away any leg of the stool, it breaks, it falls. So you can't say that one is more important than the other. But, but if I had to say one was more important, it would be my team. And so My team element, I call it. Team matters because my team matters. And then another major element is customers, of course, like customer care growing the business is huge. Because I think if we're just staying still, we're going backwards. If you're not growing and then you have all the other stuff, kind of your oversight and administration on it. So I that's just how I survive is that kind of compartmentalize things and develop a vision for those different things. I think because so if you have that vision. So for my team, for example, I have a definite vision of what I want their experience to be. as a team member I don't view them as just coming in and doing a job and leaving. I view it as what's the experience that they're having. for my core team, I definitely have a vision for When they, we, we joke about it a little bit. I say, when we all leave together one day, I want them to be able to have the choice to retire and have financial freedom. And then while they're here, I'll, I want the job that they do in this career to help them be the person they want to be, you know, and for them to be able to meet their dreams and provide for their family. That's just with me always that, that vision, I guess is the best way I can think of it. And so then when I'm just in the moment, and I see them. I might have a, team member that just can't open up and I just, can't help get them to the next level. Sometimes love is pushing and poking in a way that probably doesn't feel very loving. But I think that's part of it because if, if I can't help someone grow, then I'm not the best leader for them. I would say too, this took me a long time to get to this place, but I. I don't think just, I don't think leading with love means hanging on to people forever either, because if I can't lead them to be their best, then I need to let them go so that somebody can, right? Just some of my thoughts about, about that.

Kevin: 11:35

Can I tell a story on you or maybe you'll tell your own story? Do you remember when you used to buy the greeting cards, for us? Oh, yes. Can you tell us, can you share with people what you did with the cards?

Jennifer: 11:50

Oh, maybe you should share.

Kevin: 11:52

Oh. I was part of a book club, we were reading a book call how to know a person by David Brooks and we were talking about being seen. And so the question in our book club was, have you ever felt seen a time? Like, where you at work where you felt seen and I share back when I work with Jennifer, she would buy us just greeting cards. Hey, how you doing in cards of encouragement or. Thank you cards or acknowledgement cards or whatever, whatever that might be. We really felt seen because Jennifer didn't just go out and buy a set of thank you cards and send everyone the same. Thank you card. You would get a card that was personalized. Just to you. And I said, that made us feel seen. We value those cards. Sometimes we would get bonuses or recognition or different things, but we wanted those cards more than anything because they were so personalized because we knew that she saw us. She might give me a card that have something to do with popcorn or whatever, because she knew that I love popcorn, but it's the fact that she took the time to find the card with popcorn on it and. Address it and write in whatever the sentiment was and send that to me or give it to me or whatever. I said that really made us feel seen like you knew who we were. You knew the kind of things that we were interested in. You knew how to acknowledge us in the right way. And to me, that's what leadership love is. It's just taking some of those little extra steps to make your people know that you actually see them and understand who they are.

Jennifer: 13:34

Yeah, well, thank you for sharing that story. I think one of the things that's always driven me is I care a lot about how people feel and even sometimes if I need to poke at someone to get them to to get something to surface, I'm okay with people feeling I love for people to feel good like and what you were just talking about, Kevin. But for some reason, I'm okay with people feeling uncomfortable.

Kevin2: 14:02

That

Jennifer: 14:03

would be something I would share with a new with somebody new because, that's that space. You mentioned that in the beginning. That space in between. I like to give people space to grow and see what they'll do with it. Whether I'm pushing or pulling or whatever. So, I don't mind people being uncomfortable at all. I don't mind myself being uncomfortable. I mean, I don't, none of us like it, but I don't think you can grow without that. And you mentioned that in the beginning, you said something about get us out of trouble and I think about that, I, I'll tell my team all the time or my kids, you know, I'll say you know, blame it on me, say such as a, to help people like how to deal with the situation. Just to kind of help, like give someone confidence, I guess that you've got somebody backing you and behind you so you can go out there and be brave. And have the confidence that you need to. So some other just practical, because you, I think maybe it was Debbie that asked me this a minute ago. So one, that core element that I was talking about a minute ago, my team matters, that part of my business. So I do have the vision, but then I do develop out a strategy for what that looks like on, in a practical way. and then it's, okay, what can I implement? It's. And trying to be balanced in implementing those things. With other things, right? So an example would be something that we focused on the first quarter of this year, I put in place a 401k years ago, but I noticed, my team is not using it and it has a matching program and everything. And so we really dug into and just started spending time on that. Like, let's talk about your money, because that's, that's so important. I really want my team to to be confident with their money and to be saving for their future and all that. We, we put some time aside and that was a focus for me for the first quarter was to do some meetings with my team just specifically on that and get everybody their own notebook about their money. And sometimes it doesn't work. You have to kind of figure out what, what works. And everybody's different. I might have one team member who she was going through something really tough and there's no way she could even think about putting money back for retirement. So she and I spent some time one on one with just prioritizing her bills and helping her to say no to some things that she really needs to say no to. So she can take better care of herself, and that's kind of that meeting people where they are. And then other little things like celebrating their birthdays and anniversaries and just trying to figure out what's important to them and help them connect with what they do on a daily basis to that. That's a hard one. But I'm really working on that more.

JoAnn: 17:04

That's a great example. Thanks for going back and picking that up. What I hear. Is a lot of caring going on. And if you, you have to love people to care about them. So I think that connection and what's a great leadership lessons that you just talked about and it's typically, a lot of people like, oh, that sounds good, but I'm, you know, I don't know how I would do that. What are some of the barriers that you, you've noticed that leaders have in showing their care and their love?

Jennifer: 17:39

I mean This may be too obvious, but time, mean, for sure, because I'm, I'm hesitant to, when I take on a new team member, I mean, I just feel so responsible for their experience and their training and all of that. I really am probably sometimes too thoughtful and all and careful and hiring because it's such a big deal, it's just such a big deal to, to bring somebody on. And then if it doesn't work out so your own time, having the time, making the time because when you're running a business, you have. all the different hats that you're wearing and things that you're doing that have to be done. So I think time is a definite barrier. You know, money. Can I

JoAnn: 18:28

interject there a second? Because we hear that a lot. I just don't have time. So what makes you so special? How do you get this time? Because I'm going to tell leaders, hey, I know a leader who creates the time. So how do you create this time? How do you make time? Oh, Okay, you may want to edit this out, but this is what I do. So I just always have in my head these things always. And so it's in my notes. I keep up with my day and my notes on my phone. And so when I'm working out, I'm doing my cardio. I set up my week and I, run, that's how I run my day. That's when I do my planning. That's when I review. And the things that I put on my every day are my, my health, my most important relationships, my team, my clients, my money. My business, you know, I put, I list those things and then I go, what am I going to do today? Like, I'm always thinking where, which, how am I going to move the ball down the field? And so it might be something as simple as well, I text Kevin yesterday because he's working with us doing a little coaching with my team and anyway, and so I, I noticed something with the team member and thought about it was thinking about, you know, how could I, is there something I need to do or not, or let that go? And so I text Kevin and said, Hey, it might be a good time to reach out. I'm not sure. You know, so I just keep those things in front of me or no matter how busy of a day last Friday was Paula's birthday. And so it didn't matter what was going on that day. I had under my team matters in my day. It's Paula's birthday. So it just didn't really matter what was going on. I was going to do something that hopefully made her feel special. Anyway, so that sounds like a great discipline. It's a great discipline. Thank you for that.

Kevin: 20:37

This is being intentional.

Debby: 20:39

Yeah, that's what I heard, too, that being intentional, Jennifer, but also you make some reflection time and that strategy time a priority. And a lot of leaders don't do that where you kind of hit the pause button and say, okay, am I aligned with what's most important? And, and, you know, what, what am I going to do for that? Which I think is, is great. Because not every, not every leader does that. So. It sounds to me too. Like there's no one size fits all approach. Like, it's not like you could just hand over a handbook and say, here's how, how you love, like you're very much like, who is this person? And what, what do they need from me? And then when you, you build that, like you said, you, you can give them that kick in the butt when, when they need that too. So what advice would you have for someone? Cause you talked a little bit about building other people's confidence. And doing things. What's some advice you have for leaders around showing love and building their confidence in and doing some of these things that you're talking about and showing love to others?

Jennifer: 21:37

I think that's such a great question because the word that I almost use instead of love before I just knew it. That's what it had to be a word that I, it stays with me all the time is confidence. And that's really what I'm. Always trying to instill in people, whether it's my team or my kids or my fiance, whoever it is, because I just believe that's so important. For me, that's a big one for me. When I, when I feel myself not, Confident, you know, that's an issue, because then I'm not on my purpose and, and same thing. So before I maybe fully answer your question, I know I want to go back to, you said, you know, doesn't sound like there's just a handbook, a one size fits all. I don't think there is as far as, I think we need to see our people as individuals first. And I think it takes time to know how to love people well. Different people need different things and recognizing that. And the easier that you can do that, I think is great. But I do think there are some core things that everybody needs. I think that your team needs to trust you. I think they need to have hope in you and what you're about. And because I don't think they'd follow you if they didn't. And then the third one is I think they do need to know that you care. So those are, I believe those are some common elements that anyone that's leading, you know, those are things you need to and, and sometimes those are the things that will stop me and make me get myself back in line, because if I'm really focused over here. Maybe I'm behind the scenes working real heavily on some, some financial issue, tax issues, you know business things that I need to tend to. And so my team is not seeing me or I'm not touching them. I'm not connected with them. They need that. And so that will. Get me kind of out of that a little bit. Because I need them to, I need them to have hope that I'm doing the things that I need to be doing to for their future, if that makes sense. So ask me your question again, please, if I got us off track,

Debby: 23:48

no, you're good because it was just around what advice would you give someone to help build their confidence in, you know, because some leaders will hear this and say, love show loved my team like what? Right? And they may be like that. They're not just not confident enough to step out and do that. So any advice for these leaders to build their confidence and you can do this.

Jennifer: 24:11

Yeah, I would say first and foremost for every leader, anyone that is like you guys said, whether you have the title or not, but is focus on your own strengths, get to know your own strengths, because I think that's where for all of us, you're confident. Really can come from. I'm a big, big believer in that. One of my favorite tools is strengths finder. And I know there's lots of different things out there, Colby, all of those things. But I think just, really Having an awareness of your own strengths. I think leaders can, all of us can go get way off track if we're trying to emulate other leaders. You know, we've probably all had people and I'm sure we've done this some too, where you go to a seminar or you read a book and then you subconsciously or consciously start trying to do those things. But I think it all has to start with. Knowing your own strengths and then building your team around that, that's how I think, is the best way to go about getting your confidence. The other thing is, I mean, I pray, I pray about everything. So I have a daily discipline around my, my prayer. And I think that gives me a wisdom and just keeps me in touch with what really gives me confidence. You know, the much bigger picture. So that keeps me very grounded beyond trying to juggle multiple bank accounts and team member, that's what keeps, keeps me grounded and confident and anchored, I guess in the flurry of, of running a business and having a family and all of that.

Debby: 25:52

You can really hear your core values when you talk to Jennifer.

JoAnn: 25:55

Oh, that's good.

Kevin: 25:59

I love the fact that you're, you mentioned about being grounded. And I think that's something that's, that's so important that when, you know, that you have a strong foundation, then you can take more risk, or you can do things, you can have more courage, because, you know, your foundation, Your foundation is really strong, so I appreciate you sharing that piece of it. It's taking care of yourself. So you can take care of and love others. I think that's that's so critical these days. I knew this topic would be fascinating. Do you have anything you want to share as we start to wrap up as we get ready to close out

Jennifer: 26:38

I would say just maybe related to the last bit of conversation would be as far as, you know, leaders. Having confidence, or maintain your confidence is not being afraid to make the time and space for yourself to think and to develop your vision and to, and to set intentions. There were a number of years where I, I'd never had the confidence about, and I'm still developing this, my time, how I was spending my time, because I always felt like, well, I should be doing this or I should be doing that during that time. But there is such a thing as there's working in the business and there's working on the business. And if you take any small business later, you know, whether it's a doctor or a veterinarian or a a gym owner or an insurance agent, it doesn't matter. Right. There's always the, when I'm meeting with clients, I'm, I'm in the business. Right? But we all need that time so that you can work on the business and take some time to think. And that's real work. It took me a while to acknowledge that to myself. And to say, you know, I need that time so that I can actually be a good leader and put the intention and the practices in place and and feel confident that I'm moving those things forward and they're not just ideas stuck in my head.

Debby: 28:04

That's great advice.

Kevin: 28:06

Well, Jennifer, before we let you go, we have 3 questions that we asked all of our guests. So here are our last three questions. And the first one is, what is a book that you believe a leader coach should read?

Jennifer: 28:22

I know it's so hard to think of to have just one. So

Kevin2: 28:28

three.

Jennifer: 28:30

I'm sitting here. I have so many. I'm sitting here looking at my okay. So I am a huge fan of strength strength finder. So strengths based leadership is, is 1 of my very favorite. it's the, the Clifton streets. Anyway, that's 1 of my favorite. 1 of my others is, I don't know if you've ever heard of Dan Sullivan and strategic coach, but that was a very impactful, huge paradigm shifting time in my life when I went to strategic coach. And so 1 of his books, which is, it's the Dan Sullivan question is probably my favorite. I also love Renee Brown's gifts of imperfection. I think that's a great, great book. Anyway, there's so many, but those are just some. I hope that's helpful.

Kevin: 29:18

Okay, we'll, we'll take, we'll take those 3. What question have you been asked that gave you pause made you think a little deeper or differently?

Jennifer: 29:29

It was actually a client who is a a financial advisor and very experienced and further down in his career and all the me and further along asked me was just very interested in, in how I was doing and how my business was doing as a supporter of my business. And he asked me the question what is getting in my way of, You know, being where I am versus where I want to be. And I don't that question comes back to me a lot probably because I'm continually moving along and trying to get to that next place. And so, for some reason, that question will pop in my mind and I'll think about it and try to answer it to myself which is fun. I

Kevin: 30:14

think we can all ponder that question.

Jennifer: 30:17

Yeah, for sure.

Kevin: 30:18

The last one is what is your word on coaching

Jennifer: 30:23

confidence?

Debby: 30:28

That was very confident.

Jennifer: 30:33

That was great. You sounded confident as well. That is my favorite thing in the whole world is if I can somehow inspire. A person to turn their light on, and because so they can be confident and be on their purpose and do what it is that they're here to do. Right. So that's very, very important.

Kevin: 31:01

Thank you. Thank you, Jennifer. Debbie and Joanne. It's a pleasure. I knew we would go on and on talking about leadership love. We want to give thanks to our audience for listening and we want you to check out more of our word on coaching podcast. We have several seasons out there. We'd love for you to tune in. Click around and find something that's interesting to you. Also connect with us on Facebook at Coaches3 on our Facebook page. And we also have a book out there in the wild. It's called The Word on Coaching. Find that book. You can find it on Amazon. And we always encourage people to buy a copy for yourself. And then two or three more copies for some of your friends and family who may need them. It's a great book to share. And until next time, that is The Word on Coaching.