Season 3 Episode 4 : The Word on Coaching - Intentional

In this podcast we discuss the word intentional with JoEllen Wilkins. 

JoEllen shares her experience and insights on being intentional as a leader and as a coach.
She share a brilliant story about being intentional in the moment and changing a barrier into an experience of a lifetime.

We hope you enjoy listening to this episode as much as we enjoyed recording it.

Transcript

JoAnn: 0:05

Hi, everyone. This is Joanne and welcome to the word own coaching podcast. I'm here with my two colleagues, Debbie and Kevin. And we, our coaches three we're, three friends with years of leadership and coaching experience who want to share our passion with others. Our podcasts are for leaders, whether you have a formal title or not that way. And we focus on what word relates to leadership. And coaching. We, along with our guests give you tips information, and sometimes hopefully a fresh perspective of how we see things or our, what we think about something. But there were one thing for sure, there will always be lots of support for you, the leader, because we all will agree. Leadership is. Today, I'm really excited about having a friend and collegue with us today Joellen, Wilkins Joellen welcome. And just for the audience, would you tell us a little bit about yourself?

JoEllen: 1:12

Sure. Thank you so much, Joanne. I appreciate the introduction and thank you all for the invitation. you have some amazing conversations and I am really excited to be part of that today. So thanks a lot for that. I have been working in leadership development for a really long time. both in the corporate leadership development division for a large hospitality media entertainment company as well as privately, one-on-one working with leaders and coaching them. so I love seeing leaders really recognize the difference that their leadership makes and seeing them kind of embrace that and work to improve their leadership skills.

JoAnn: 1:51

Thanks for that. Well, you pick the word for today, the word intentional. I found that a very interesting word. Tell us how you came about picking that word.

JoEllen: 2:03

So, as I was thinking back on conversations that I've had with leaders over the years, I realized that that is a word that I often use with leaders. When I talk about their leadership skills. And, and as I've had these conversations and talk to leaders and use that word, I see a lot of light bulbs go off, especially with people who are new to a leadership role. so I think that's why I, that's why I chose that word. I think it's a word that has a lot of power. It really implies a certain sense of commitment to leadership. And, and I see so many times that we talk about being intentional about your leadership. People seem to kind of be a little bit inspired to grow their leadership skills.

Debby: 2:45

That's great.

Kevin: 2:47

Oh, I, can you tell us a little bit more about intentional? How would you define intention?

JoEllen: 2:53

So I think being intentional is really about being very purposeful in your leadership behaviors, right? It's about making that conscious choice if you will, about how you lead. I think it, it's the kind of thing that helps leaders to develop themselves to develop the people around them ultimately really impacts their organizational culture. You know, sometimes I think we, we talk about a leadership style and you kind of either have a leadership style by design or by default. right. So you, you might be on autopilot and have something by default. but then there are people who are more intentional and really decide and design and make those conscious choices about the kind of leader that they want to be. so I think that. That those leaders who really are intentional and focus on that really seem to have a lot of impact. I love

Debby: 3:49

you talking about leaders, being intentional about how they want to show up. And one of my favorite things to do, especially with newer leaders is to have them think about their leadership philosophy, which is about them, who they are, but also about what they're, what they expect from themselves and from their team and their deal breakers. And all of that. And I'm just mentioning that because I feel like that's another way to be intentional, right. About how you show up and it's actually thinking it through and writing it down. So I love everything that you just said, Joellen.

JoEllen: 4:23

Exactly. I think it gets to that making making a choice about what kind of a leader you want to be. Yeah.

Debby: 4:28

And if you don't, you've made a choice by not right. That's not a default.

Kevin: 4:39

By default. I think you can, you can achieve mediocrity despite the fault. I think you can just maybe happen, happen, stay into your way into being a mediocre mediocre, but to be excellent. That takes intention, you know? And so it's that, are you just going to settle for just being average or mediocre or whatever? Or do you want something more? And if you want something more, no matter what aspect of your life, if you want something more, it's going to take some it, some intention.

JoEllen: 5:10

Exactly. Right? Yep. And it's no different for leadership visit. Yeah.

Kevin: 5:15

Why is being intentional important for leaders who are coaches

JoEllen: 5:21

So I think that gets maybe a little bit to that piece about how it, it helps you, I think or helped us as leaders develop ourselves helps us develop others when we can be intentional and thinking about it that way. And. I really like to think that when someone really kind of defines the leader that they want to be, they ultimately have this much broader organizational impact. Right. Especially when there's kind of like a cascading or a trickle-down effect from those senior levels you really start to have such a broader impact beyond maybe just Individuals that you touch personally, but when it cascades through the organization, I think that it can be particularly impactful in that way.

Debby: 6:05

I think sometimes leadership. There's so many things that are out of your control because you're dealing with people and personalities. And so if there are things you can be intentional about, why not? Right? Why not swing some things in your favor because there's going to be some things that you're not going to be able to have control over

JoAnn: 6:24

right now. I was thinking when Kevin was asking that question as a. Leader coach. I know that when I was in leadership being intentional about. Telling people what to do, asking them for their input. So I see that in it, that is a big connection for intention is intentionally asking because it was my tendency to tell people what they should do or give my opinion. But when I became more intentional about asking, what are your thoughts? What do you think is that? I, I, I think I became a better leader. I know that I was a better leader because I became more intentional about being a leader, coach

JoEllen: 7:10

great. And developing those people. Right. As you're asking them those questions and coaching them through it, you're developing their skills and you're being intentional about building them too, as leaders.

Kevin: 7:23

When I was thinking about what you were saying, I was thinking about as a leader, one of the challenges is how you spend your time and attendance. And what I've found is it's very easy to fall into a trap of giving your time and attention to the lower performing people on your team, because sometimes they require a lot of attention for whatever reason, but you have to be very intentional that you are acknowledging and recognizing and developing. Your good performers and your high performers. And so it takes intention to really engage in coaching with those people who are really at the top. Yeah. They can just get on auto pilot. And sometimes you can just forget about them because they come to work and they do their job and they perform high and you rely on them. You can just hand something off to them, but to make sure that I was intentional, how I focused some of my time and attention and energy on developing those who are at the top of the performance.

Debby: 8:27

That's such

JoEllen: 8:27

a good point too. And because those are the very people you want to make sure you retain. Right. And the very people that you want to develop into next level leaders within your organization. Yeah, absolutely.

Debby: 8:41

What does being intentional look like? How, how would you know if you're being intentional?

JoEllen: 8:48

So I think when you recognize that impact that you have on other people and, and sometimes realizing that that requires you to kind of shift your behavior a little bit in order to get the outcome you want. re I think that's when you know, you're being intentional. You, you see what's happening, you see the impact that you have on others, and sometimes you shift and sometimes. That shift requires you to step out of your comfort zone, right? Sometimes you might realize that, well, this is the outcome I want. And in order to get there, my gosh, I'm going to have to do this. And this might not quite be exactly what I like to do or what my preference might be. but I, if, if that's, if that's, what's going to get me what I want to have to be intentional about doing that.

JoAnn: 9:36

That's such a good exam, a good explanation. So I'd like to hear an example of when you were being and ginger.

JoEllen: 9:43

an example of when I was intentional. So one of my, one of my favorite leadership stories, I think is actually, it's not a recent one. It happened much earlier in my career. and I think it goes back to that what I was talking about, like getting a good result. I think ultimately I got a good result here. because of the way I intentionally sort of thought about this situation. So here's my story. I was working with a team of people to create some training videos. And there were about, this was actual video shooting day. we were out in guest areas. Was it early in the morning, not a lot of guests around but were out there shooting videos and the videographer comes up to me and says, Joellen. Do you see this family over here to table? Mom and dad are having coffee. Look under the table. There's a kid under that table and he is staring at us and he is staring right into the camera. I need you to do something about this kid because I guarantee you that when we get this footage back, all you are going to see is this kid under the table in the background of the video. And it is not going to be usable footage. And so the first thing that went through my mind. Okay. Who's in charge around here because we need to escalate this so they can handle this. And I realized that was me. So once I realized that it was me, it's like, oh, okay, I'm going to have to do something about this. so then my next instinct was what can we, as a small group of four or five people here today do differently so that we don't have to go spoil that guests vacation because we do not want to do that. Right. They are here to have a magical vacation. And us asking the kid to get out from under the table and not stare at the camera. It was just not going to give them a good experience. And and of course all the options that I went through with the videographer were a no-go. He had already considered all of those. so I took a minute and I didn't have lot. Because we had to keep moving on this. I didn't have much time, but I really thought about what is the right thing to do? What is the thing that kind of aligns with our values? How can I solve this problem? Because ultimately that's what the all about. And as I walked over to the family, I have what I call it. My one professional flash of brilliance. It had never happened before and it's never happened since. So I went over to the family and I said, I see that your son is really interested in what we're doing. We're filming a training video. Would he like to be my assist? And he took my hand and he came back with me behind the camera. So he's no longer looking in the camera. And he was just a wonderful assistant. He helped me with sound effects. and he was a great kid and best of all, he was no longer staring at the camera. We got all the footage that we needed and everything worked out perfectly. And I like to think that somewhere out there. Is probably by now a young adult who will talk about a memorable vacation experience where he got to help make a training video. So that was me, I think you know, being really intentional about how do I solve this in a way that gives a win-win situation for everyone doesn't destroy this guest's vacation and still gets us the footage that we need.

JoAnn: 13:13

You know, what really impresses me about that story is the intentionality, because I heard several things, not only not to ruin a family's vacation, but you were very intentional about the values that you represented of the organization and that you thought about that. I'm not so sure I would have oh, about that. And I'm just so past that, it's like, you know, how do we, you were intentional about living out those values. And right there in that moment. So I'm very impressed and it's a very heartwarming story.

JoEllen: 13:47

Thanks, Julia. Yeah.

Kevin: 13:49

That's you were told that story. I was thinking about intention can be. It could be planned out or like you, it just happens in the moment. And I was thinking about coaching and leaders coaching, and sometimes people think, well, it has to be a big, long drawn out plan, but even asking a person a question. Being very intentional about the question that you asked them can help people make great strides. One time I asked one of the people that was working for me, I asked them a very simple question. Do you want to be known for X or do you want to be known for why? And I just left it there because they had a behavior that they practice that was distracting from all the wonderful things that they were doing. And I told them, it's, it's really your choice. You have to decide you're either going to have this type of reputation and be known for these things, or are you going to decide to do these things and be known for that? And I just left it there and it was just like, just a simple question with the right intentions. I'm being intentional about the question. Cause I didn't want to have a long discussion about it. I just wanted to them to connect.

JoEllen: 15:05

And what a powerful question to, to, you know, to kind of present there's two opposing images of the person.

Debby: 15:15

Yeah, absolutely.

Kevin: 15:18

What strategies do you use to help leaders become more intentional in coaching and as a leader?

JoEllen: 15:28

So I think in my, in my role in leadership development, the biggest thing that we can do is. Give leaders, new techniques, new styles, essentially new sort of tools for their toolbox. If you will. It's a phrase we use probably a little too much. but the idea being that the more skills that leaders have at their disposal. The more able they are to choose the right skill to use at the right time and the right circumstances with the right person. And they can, they can intentionally choose that skill or that technique or whatever it might be, whether it's think about like communication styles or how you handle conflict, how you manage, change, how you give feedback, all of those things. There's a wide range of techniques and styles that a leader can use. and knowing all of those different things. Gives them that ability to choose what they think is going to get them the result that they want.

Debby: 16:22

I think too often leaders are moving at such a fast pace that they didn't always get or give themselves that thinking time, right? The time to reflect the time, to think the time to slow down and catch their breath a little bit. And I find that really helpful for w what you were talking about of being more intentional. Been thoughtful about it. Sometimes it makes it a little harder and I, that you don't always get that luxury of that thinking time, but maybe be intentional about trying to put some thinking time on your schedule, right?

JoEllen: 16:56

Yes. And being able to say so sometimes you do get sort of surprised in that moment, like we were talking about before. but have you ever had someone say you know, Can I take a minute to think about this and maybe get back to you tomorrow because I want to be really thoughtful in how I respond or I'd like some time to think about this of, has anyone ever said no to that? Right. So, okay. I think to ask that permission, if you need a little bit of time, the key is recognizing that you're in the moment you want to make a really intentional comment. and, and it's okay to ask for a little pause if you need it. In most situations at least.

JoAnn: 17:35

Let's say I want to boil this down a little bit. Let's say that I'm in a leader coach and I'm trying to be more intentional and do not feel very successful at it. What is just one thing that you would recommend that I do to be more intentional?

JoEllen: 17:51

So I think some of the things that we were just talking about actually, that, that notion of taking a little bit of time, right. Preparing kind of anticipating what a reaction might be to a decision that you make or a conversation that you might be preparing with someone. but honestly I think when, so, so we know that it's nice. If we can take the time for that preparation, one thing. If, if I had to pick just one thing I, and you're struggling, I would say start by recognizing those missed opportunities. rates start by, even if you're, you're recognizing them after the fact. That's okay. And celebrate that awareness that you gained later as a win in your step toward being more intentional. So when you start to see those missed opportunities eventually I think you'll be able to start being more. Purposeful about preparing and you'll be better able to handle those moments when you kind of get ambushed and you want to be intentional in the moment and you want to be thoughtful. and you don't have a lot of time. but when you start recognizing your missed opportunities, then it becomes easier to start noticing that you have those. So I think that's probably what I would say for just one time.

JoAnn: 19:01

I agree. I've had a lot of missed opportunities,

Kevin: 19:06

you know, and recognizing those, I love the concept of when you get, recognize it and become more self-aware that you celebrate that as a, as a victory, it's a win because now you're becoming more aware of it, which will lead you to be more intentional about it. The next time.

Debby: 19:25

Yeah, totally embracing that growth mindset. Right. What can I learn from this mistake?

JoEllen: 19:31

That's exactly right.

Debby: 19:32

Yeah. So Joanne, before we let you go today, we have three questions that we like to ask all of our guests. I promise they're going to be really easy. So the first one is what is a book that you think a leader coach should

JoEllen: 19:46

read? So one one of my favorite books is a book I read a while ago. This is not a new book. but I love it. It's the next level by Scott And it talks about in theory, it's about, you've now moved into an executive role. What are things that you need to pick up? What are skills or behaviors you need to pick up and what are things you need to let go of now that you're in this different role? Honestly, I think it would. Regardless of whether you're in an executive role or not, but just this notion to me, was an aha that there are, we all know that when you move up to a new level, right there, are there new expectations of you, new things that you need to be able to do? But the notion of letting go, and again, it gets to that intentional. I am going to intentionally stop doing this or let go of this. That was a real aha for me. So I love that book and I think it kind of goes along with what we're talking about today. Absolutely.

Debby: 20:43

The next level by Scotland. Yes. so what question have you been asked that gave you pause? It made you think a little differently or maybe a little deeper.

JoEllen: 20:53

you know, a great question that I was asked one time and I use this now in coaching all the time is what about this is going to be hard for you and I, what I love about that question is I think it forces us to really kind of examine our own fears about maybe what we know that we need to do. and so I love that question. What about this is going to be hard.

Debby: 21:18

It's always a good question when it's resonated for you personally, right? There's other ones you're like, I'm going to use that on

JoEllen: 21:24

others.

Debby: 21:24

so besides intentional, what is your word on coaching?

JoEllen: 21:30

I think my word would be improvement. so I think when I think about leadership, I think it's this set of skills that operates on a sliding scale or on a continuum of sorts. And I think there's always room to move the needle just a little bit. Right. There's always room for that little bit of improvement. And going back to that conversation about your leadership by design or by default, those people who work at designing their leadership and who really are intentional about how they approach that. They're always kind of moving the needle a little bit and improving on that scale. so I think would be my word.

Debby: 22:08

Great. Great.

JoAnn: 22:09

so, Alan, thank you so much. I can't believe we've run out of time already. So thank you for being here. Thank you, Debbie. Thank you, Kevin. And thank you to our audience for listening in today and want to encourage you to check out our word on coaching podcasts. There's more of them. So until next time, that is the word on

JoEllen: 22:30

coaching.