In this episode the coaches have a conversation with coach and influencer Ariel V. Bredder about the concept of being authentic. Ariel shares her perspective on being authentic and ways to improve your authenticity. This episode is thought provoking and filled with insight.
In this episode the coaches have a conversation with coach and influencer Ariel V. Bredder about the concept of being authentic. Ariel shares her perspective on being authentic and ways to improve your authenticity. This episode is thought provoking and filled with insight.
Hi everyone. And welcome to the word on coaching. I'm Joanne and I'm here with Debbie and Kevin, Angela, say hello?
Kevin:Hello.
JoAnn:Hi everyone. We are coaches three, three friends with years of leadership and coaching experience who just want to share our passion with us. Uh, This podcast is for leaders and whether you have that formal title or not the focus is on one word that relates to leadership and coaching. So we, along with our guests give you tips information, sometimes a fresh perspective and always a lot of support because we know that leadership is hard. And today I'm excited, pacifically, excited to have Ariel Ariel is a young woman that I have had the privilege to work alongside and do a little mentoring as well and a little bit. Although Ariel herself is a really good coach. So I we're really excited about her because Ariel is one of those folks that we refer to in today's world as an influencer, especially among her own generation of millennials. So Ariel, welcome to the podcast and tell us a little bit about your. Yeah.
Ariel:Thank you, Joanne. And thank you guys so much for having me join you all. I'm very excited to just have this conversation with you guys today. Yeah, so my name is Ariel breader and my background is in business marketing and bookkeeping, and I was introduced to the world of coaching about eight years ago, and I just fell in love with the idea of people helping other people succeed. And what I love about coaching is that it can just be so empowering. I think people are so capable of much more than they think. And I think that coaches have this wonderful ability to help others believe in themselves while challenging them. And now I actually have my own podcast called BU and I get to have some amazing conversations with women that are entrepreneurs, authors, speakers, coaches, leaders, just a variety of things that are just having a positive impact on the world. And one of the purposes of my podcast is to share these stories of women. So to give them a platform, but also to help inspire other women, that they can do these things too.
JoAnn:Yes. And I've heard some of your podcasts and they're very interesting. And I hear that coach come out in you in those podcasts too, when you're asking those really good questions.
Ariel:Yeah, it helps.
JoAnn:It does. Doesn't it. When I was talking to Ariel about coming on to our podcast, I asked. What was a word when she thinks of coaching and leadership, what does she think about? And without hesitation, she said, authenticity. I want to be authentic. I want other people to be authentic and you know what, we hear that word a lot. It's in our leadership jargon. Correct. And so tell us area, Y Y. Yeah.
Ariel:So I chose authentic because I think it just kind of goes along with my mission behind the BU podcast. And I'm just all about people being themselves. I believe that when you really embrace who you are, that that's what makes you more successful. And I think that leaders can really be more successful when they are their authentic selves. So that's why I chose that.
Kevin:Ariel, how would you define authentic?
Ariel:To me authentic means just being true to who you are and to the values that you have. And from a leader, coach perspective, being authentic is just so important for both the coach and the person being coached. A coaching relationship is really built on trust. And if you aren't authentic, then it's just going to be hard to build that. Build that trust and have that. So, and as a being, as a person being coached, it's important to be authentic because you've got to show up as yourself and it's important to be open and honest on what's really going on, or there won't be any improvement. So that's kind of how I just see being authentic and how it relates to the leadership and coaching world.
Debby:You know what I love about this? That's all we all really want. Right. It's to be ourselves and not feel like we have to be someone else when we show up at, at work or really anywhere. So I love that you
Ariel:picked this word.
JoAnn:I noticed you used the word trust And I think you're not having thought about this before of how being authentic is related to trust. Right. Is that if you don't think someone's being authentic, you're less likely to trust them. Right. So thanks for that, that connection and that reminder. Yeah.
Debby:So Ariel, how do you know when someone is authentic? What are the things that you look
Ariel:for? So, you know, I think it's just kind of, it's almost like a feeling like you just kind of know when someone's being authentic, you can tell if they're genuine. And I just kind of, I like the saying of actions speak louder than words. And I think that, you know, seeing someone. Follow what they're going to like doing what they say they're gonna do. And it's kind of like talking the talk, walking the walk, like that's, when you know that they're authentic, like you see what they're doing, you hear what they're saying? And it is all in alignment with each other.
JoAnn:Yeah. I've I'm sitting here thinking about some of the. Leaders that we are. If we said their names, people would wreck some and how they lined up with what you just described is the one doing what they say they're going to do. And, and that they walk the talk, all of that. And I think that's one thing that really. Especially leaders who who do it. Well, I think the authenticity does show up and I like five years. Like it's more of a feeling it's like, you know it, when you see it you know, you know, that, that this person is being authentic. So I I'd like to hear a personal story of when you saw authenticity inaction. Well, can you share an example of that?
Ariel:You know, I don't really have a specific example. But I think what I will say is just like, just in general, when I've worked with people and. Leaders that were just more authentic, the work relationship was better. And I just kind of felt like it was, I was working with someone that I could trust and that they had my best interest in mind and it felt like we were working together and it made me like want to work harder and do more because I felt like a part of something because because of their authenticity, Just showing up. It's kind of like a good presence. It, you know, again, going back to that, trust it just built that good relationship and. You know, so it's not really a specific situation that I have or anything, but just an overall, you know, example of, I think being authentic just has such an impact on the people that you work with. And, you know, when you've kind of come across people that aren't so authentic and you can kind of just tell they're fake, it just like rubs. At least me, it rubs me the wrong way. It's just kind of like, I don't really trust what you're doing. I don't really know. You know, I'm also a very logical person, so I'm like, I don't like logically see like what you're trying to do and why. So like, that's, doesn't make me really want to like, grow and work with you so that also can have like a huge impact when you're not authentic.
Debby:I feel like there's a little bit of a hint when you're saying you're being authentic too, of having to be vulnerable and maybe even a little transparent. Cause if you want people to see really who you are and be your true self, then you've got to let your guard down. Right. And let them actually. You know, see maybe a bit of your personal side or, you know, that you're okay being a little humble or, or vulnerable and letting people in. So I find it interesting that sometimes when I talk to leaders, they'll say it's hard for me to be authentic because I don't know that I want to let people, and I don't know that I want people to see the real me and be that vulnerable and
Ariel:transparent yeah. And I like that you bring that up, Debbie, because, you know, I, I've learning more. That vulnerability is very good. Because it just kind of makes us more relatable and it does build that You know, it, it builds that you are authentic when you do kind of show like more sides to you. But I think the other thing that's kind of interesting is like, when, to me, when I think of authenticity and like being yourself is still kind of remembering that it might look different based on who you're around, you know? Just because, or like when you're working with. You know, on a one-on-one instance with your coachee, you might show up differently. You might be a little bit more vulnerable or you might just show up a little bit more like empathetic or something. But when you're in a group of people or, you know maybe with your higher ups or something, You might be a little bit different, but it doesn't mean that you're not being authentic. It's it's still you, as long as you're like in alignment with yourself and being true to who you are. So I, yeah, I just kind of, I was one of the other things I was kind of thinking about as I was preparing for this is I think as leaders, it's kind of hard.'cause, you know, especially like if you're a new leader you want to like show your authority. So you may not want to show your vulnerable side and you might try to act differently. But then that's when, you know, the people that are working with you are like, this is not who you were before. Like, just because you have a new title or something like, you know, we want to work with you because we liked you before. But now you're like stepping into like being someone else and that can cause problems.
Kevin:Yeah. As you were, as you were talking, I was thinking about a story and I'll tell a story. I'll leave the names out, but if the person ever listened to this podcast, they'll know it's them. I went on a business trip and I really didn't want to, I really didn't want it. And my boss said, are you available? Go on this business trip? And I said, sure, let's go. So we, we ended up at the business trip. It was a nice conference. We were in a wonderful hotel. We sat in the big board room one of those big auditoriums. And after one of the presentations was over, everyone started drifting out. And we sat there and we started talking about work and different things. And in that conversation, she said, let's, let's set, let's set work aside. And I was like, okay, let's set work aside. And I said, sure. She said, you know, basically how, how are you doing when I say, well, I'm doing fine. And she said, do you like the things that you're doing at work? And I was like, yeah, you know, everything's okay. She said, because work aside, she said, I want you to be happy. I was kind of looked at my, what, what are you talking about? She said, Kevin, no matter what's going on at this job, she said, I really want you as a person to be happy. And I want you to be fulfilled. And you know, and the things that you do in your life. And I sat there and I'll look better and we just opened up and had a very real, authentic conversation about work and everything. And the funny thing about it is that conversation made that whole trip. And my engagement in the work that I was doing went up. After having that conversation, because it was just a real conversation between two people. She wasn't being my boss, she wasn't being my coach. We were just two people sitting there having a conversation about the future. And from that point, it was just kind of, it was a pivotal point. And I was thinking that only happened because. She was willing to be authentic and express herself that, yeah, the job is great and everything, but beyond that, you, as a person that she cared about me as a person and my happiness and I was thinking about that's one of the most authentic conversations that I had with someone at work. And so it was just, it was that alignment in what our values really are.
Ariel:That's such a wonderful example of being authentic and how, and just showing how being open and honest with each other can really grow the relationship. Like, yes, you guys started talking about, you know, things outside of work, but it had such a powerful impact work. So that's awesome.
Kevin:Yeah. So it's really cool. You know, sometimes people may say that a person has authentic or they are not. Are there strategies that can help a person be authentic or grow your authenticity, especially as a leader, coach.
Ariel:Yeah. You know, I think that the strategy is really kind of start with getting clear on who you are and knowing what your values are. I think that knowing your values are just so important because it's just kind of like the foundation of, you know, like why you're doing what you're doing. And then those values just kind of just help you become more aligned. And then like the more that you can relate. Own those values. It helps you to become more authentic. And then also building off of that of knowing how your values aligned with your organization and their values. And especially as a leader and as a leader coach, like if your values are in alignment with the organization and the goals that you're working with, your coachee on, like it's just going to make it so much easier to really. Like live into or, or to be an authentic leader coach. And the other thing I was thinking about is really is determining what authentic looks like for you as I kind of mentioned you know, depending on like what kind of setting you're in, you know, you might show up a little bit differently. But it doesn't mean that you're doing. Who you are. And it doesn't mean that you're not living into this values. It's just kind of like how you're presenting yourself so that it can, you know, really resonate with who you're working with. And so, like, I would just kind of, you know, determine how, like, what that looks like for you and how you want to show up authentically so that you can, you know, Kind of create those goals for yourself and kind of create like a check mark of, am I showing up authentically? Like when I had that meeting, was I authentic when I gave that presentation? Like, was I authentic? So just really determining what it looks like for you.
Kevin:Yeah. I really like what you said about. How you show up in different situations is because there are certain search white situations where I am being me, but I may not be fully expressing the me based on who's who's in that room, you know? Just, you just have to know, sometimes you have to know what's appropriate because I've seen people. Maybe just be a little bit too authentic when they were in that setting. And I was like, you might not want to share your opinion so freely because it got, you know, it just turned into something else, but you you're. Right. I think as long as you're consistent and aligned it is authentic and whether you're fully expressing that or not,
JoAnn:Yeah, definitely. Yeah. It's not that you're violating your values, you know, they're just showing up a little differently and that you're emotionally intelligent. This might not be the best time to say what I exactly think about something too. Right?
Debby:More about someone, right. Or
JoAnn:someone, the other
Debby:word that keeps popping up for me too, is safety. So Kevin, when you were sharing, you know, your, your personal story of you know, that leader, that leader made it a very safe environment to have that conversation. And so I feel like strategy both to so that you can be authentic yourself, but also so other people can be. You know, to think about the environment that you're creating for your team. And even if you can't create the culture of the environment for your whole organization, you can certainly create it for your team as, as the leader of that team. That's your responsibility. And so thinking about that, like, am I creating the environment where people can show up and be themselves and can be authentic to themselves in creating that safety for those things to happen?
Ariel:Yeah. And that point, yeah. That creating that safe space also just adds on to like that trust and building that trust upstairs as well.
JoAnn:Yeah. Excellent point. Well, you know, you talk about all these strategies. Let's say I'm a leader coach, and I'm really want to be more authentic or show up more authentically. What is one. Thing you would recommend that I could do right now, that would help me with.
Ariel:I think really getting clear on your values. I think it really starts with knowing what your values are. So I know that there are a lot of like worksheets out there that are like, find your values and you know, Choose kind of like your top 10 and then top five and, and really sit with that and, you know, think of like, are these really my values? And if you've done it before, like to reevaluate those values because you know, I think that your values. You know, you have your core values that like don't really change, but I think that you can have kind of different priorities and that they can kind of just show up a little bit differently in different stages of life. So re-evaluating your values as well. If you, if you think you know your values, but you're still like struggling, maybe you need to reevaluate them.
JoAnn:Yeah. And one of the things we always say is the value needs to be supported by the behavior. Right. I can tell people all day long that I value, you know handling my money. Great. But you look at my bank account, you would know that it's not a value that has to be a behavior that goes with that. So oftentimes I have people that, oh, I value, you know, this or that, but I don't see the behavior that supports that. So working on that behavior, if it's a value and I, I agree. Ariel that we all have core values, but we also can decide we want to have a value, right. And that we want to work on it. And, and those behaviors are important. Understanding what those, those behaviors look like, just saying that value something or that something is a value to me is, is a word until there's a behavior or an action that supports.
Ariel:Yes, but yeah, it goes back to the actions, speak louder than words. Like you can say it all you want, but are you really holding true to it and following that? So it's a good point. I
Debby:always tell leaders the test is if I walked out. And to your business and ask people what they thought your values are, what would they say right. Based on what they see and how you show up. And, you know, sometimes they're like, oh
Ariel:yeah, I need to work on some things. Right.
Kevin:Okay. You know, when I, when I think about being authentic and checking on yourself, whether you are or are not, is the question, who are you trying to impress? Because usually when we're not being authentic, it's because we're trying to impress someone or some group of someones and we're trying to be something that we really are not. And so just checking in on your values, if you're not true to that value. And you have to ask yourself at that moment, who was I trying to impress my boss, my peers, a client, you know, who was I really, why was I not being authentic in that situation? Because as usually you're trying to impress someone.
Ariel:Yeah. That is a really powerful question. And just thinking about that can lead to so many really good insights to work on.
JoAnn:I
Debby:would say too, when we talk about what's one thing that we would recommend that people do right now is once you've identified your values. And I love Ariel that you said, reevaluate those, right. Come, come back to this. I think that is really important. And use that as a starting point to actually create your leadership philosophy. And that's, that's a personal thing, right? That's not what your organization is. Or, you know, what your leader says or someone else says, it's, it's a personal philosophy for you as a leader. And to be able to write that down and use that as a touchstone to come back to throughout your leadership journey is really important. And so part of that is your values, but the other pieces of that is your expectations for yourself and for your team and for your organization, your deal-breakers in what, what do you need. Yeah, those types of things. And again, you could tweak it and customize it for you, but to be able to think through that and then go to that document when things are still kind of out of sync or out of whack and say, am I being true? Am I being authentic? Right. Am I being true to who? I said I wanted to be as a leader. And so I've, I love that leadership philosophy. Exercise for people just to think through and make it their own, but also have it as a tool that they can use to help them do that double check on their authenticity when they
Ariel:eat to, yeah. I really love that. And having a philosophy and I think that just ties into being authentic so well, because it's like, that's what your. Like having that like leadership philosophy is like who you are. And, you know, and as you said before, like with the businesses, I can people tell what your values are. And it's like, when people see that philosophy coming out and that philosophy is yours and that is going to make, and by living into that, that's going to make you an authentic leader and that's going to make you a successful leader by following that.
Debby:Absolutely. And the other thing I'll say real quick, you can do right now.
JoAnn:I was going to be really sad that he didn't say that he had a coach and a coach now. And I think I would just add this. If you want to be a successful leader, coach is authenticity. Important. I know as a co all of us are coaches here. If people did not think we were authentic, I don't say who we would have people who wanted to be coached by us. Would you guys agree with that?
Kevin:Definitely. Absolutely. I've been, I've been sitting here just struggling with what's the opposite of authentic coaching. It would be. Fake And you just think about that. You, you are not engaging with a fake coach. It's just not going to happen. You'll get those one word answers. I mean, there's not going to be any accountability. I mean, so it was just, so it really was if you're just being enough. Fake coach. You're just really wasting your time. I mean, like Joanne said, if people pick up that you're not being authentic, it's, you're not going to engage in that type of coaching relationship. It just be a lack of engagement.
Ariel:And, you know, I was kind of focusing more on like like leaders, coaching their colleagues and team and stuff, but like, just speaking as a coach, I think, and that's. I think one of the things that, you know, I really like try to live into with like the BU is that we all have different gifts and our, we have different perspectives and stuff, and that's why there's different coaches. And so it's like if you find one coach and. It's not a good fit. It's okay. Like, you don't want to be fake to try to work with somebody you want to be authentic so that you guys can have a good relationship and work together. So yeah,
Kevin:I agree with you.
Debby:So Ariel, before we let you go today, we've three questions that we like to ask all of our guests. They're super easy. I promise. So here's your first one. What is a book that you think a leader coach should read?
Ariel:So I started reading mindset by Carol Dweck and I've just really loved it. And I wish I had read it sooner. It's all about the fixed and growth mindset. And I will just say personally, I thought I had a growth mindset, but really like looking at the definition, I have a fixed mindset that I'm working on. So I think. It's very insightful on just growth and just how you see things and now your mindset, it can grow. You don't have to have like this fixed perfection mindset. So I really am enjoying that book. Awesome.
Debby:It sounds like a great recommendation. Oh, what question have you been asked that gave you pause that made you think a little deeper, maybe think a little
Ariel:differently. The question that I really like coming to a lot is if you knew you couldn't fail, what would you do next?
Debby:That's great. I've used that one. And our final question for you is besides authentic, which is a great word for you. What is your word? Okay.
Ariel:You know, I chose the word grace as the other word. And I think that might be a little bit different. I'm in the coaching world, in this leader coaching sphere, but I chose the other word, I think is grace. And I think it's just so important right now to give yourself grace as a leader coach that you're doing your best and. That the people that you're working with, they're doing their best to give others grace as well. And just, I mean, right now, it's just, it's really tough times right now and everyone's going through something. And so just giving everyone, grace, I think can be really impactful as a coach.
JoAnn:Well, that is a great way to end today giving each other grace. I need to work on that area, so I will, I will do that.
Ariel:I'll coach you. Joanne has been,
JoAnn:it's been a real pleasure Ariel to have you and Debbie and Kevin, always good to see you every week. And we want to thank our audience today for listening and remind you that we have other podcast on word, on coaching. So go out and take a listen. And if you have any suggestions, we'll take those as well. So until next time, that is the word on coaching.
Ariel:Bye everybody.
Debby:Thanks.
Ariel:Thank you.