Season 8 Episode 1: When Leadership is Your Purpose

We have talked about leading with Purpose, but in today’s episode, we discuss Leadership being your purpose. 
 
Why and how do you step into Leadership? 
 
In this episode, we have a captivating conversation with Paul Conteh as he talks about leadership opportunities in his life and how he has raised his hand to serve as a leader. Getting out of your comfort zone and leading anyway. 

Paul has a unique background in his childhood. he was captured and was made a child soldier. He is in the final stages of officer candidate school for the Virginia National Guard. 

Paul is currently leading in many aspects of his life. He is a systems engineer at Peraton, serving as an IT Specialist in the National Guard, is active in his church, and will be a new father soon.  
 
I encourage you to listen to Paul as he shares how he has stepped into leadership and accepts the challenges of leading as opportunities for personal and professional growth. 

 
Tune in and listen to some sage advice from a young leader.
 
Contact information:
 
https://www.linkedin.com/in/paul-conteh-jr-0a40a3a0/ 
 
Books Recommended in this episode: 
 

Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know about the People We Don't Know  

- Malcolm Gladwell
 
 
Check out our best-selling book The Word on Coaching.  Buy a copy for yourself and copies to share with others.
Amazon.com: The Word on Coaching: 9781737643807: Neely, Debby, Auger, Joann, Fuselier, Kevin: Books

Check out our  quick guide about powerful questions: "Embrace the Power of Questions!"   A Quick Reference Guide to Getting the Answers You Need. 

Transcript

Debby: 0:04

Well, hello everybody. Welcome to the Word on Coaching podcast. I'm Debbie. I'm here with Joanne. Hi, Joanne. Hello, and I'm here with Kevin. Hey, Kevin.

Kevin: 0:16

Hello. How are you, Debbie?

Debby: 0:18

I'm great. So we are coaches three. We are three friends with years of leadership and coaching experience who wanna share our passion with others. So we created this podcast. Our podcast is for leaders and that's for leaders. Whether you have that formal title or not, we know a lot of you are out there leading without that formal title and we see you. We focus on one word that relates to leadership and coaching and you know. We've been around leaders for a long time, so we know leadership can be hard. We, along with our guests, give you tips, information, maybe a different perspective, but always a lot of support. We've got you. Today we are excited to welcome our guest, Paul Conte. You're gonna learn a lot about Pause as we go through the podcast, but let me share a few things with you now. Paul has his master's degree of Science in cybersecurity from Liberty University. He is a systems engineer at a national security and technology company. And probably the most important and out of full disclosure, Paul, is my family. We are related. So you know, sometimes you hear someone's story and you just know that other people need to hear it too. And that's definitely the case with Paul. So I kept thinking, how do I get Paul on the podcast? He agreed to be here today, so welcome Paul.

Paul: 1:39

Thank you very much for having me. I, appreciate it. This is an honor.

Debby: 1:43

Oh, well we're glad to have you. I just shared a few things about you. What else would you like our audience to know about you, Paul?

Paul: 1:49

I'll just give a little bit about me. I'm originally from Sierra alone west Africa, born and raised. Moved here when I was four. And that was the year 2000. And, I lived in Maryland before I came to Virginia, and, but majority of my time has been here in Loudoun County, Virginia. Graduated from Heritage High School. After that I went to attend the, the Virginia Military Institute. Played football and rugby at BMI then got my bachelor's in computer science there. Then later on, get my master's in cybersecurity. And then after that joined the Virginia Army National Guard. I'm currently an officer candidate school. And I enjoy coaching high school football, playing soccer, staying active, making ice cream serving on the AV team at church and spending time with my amazing wife, Megan. Oh.

Debby: 2:39

Well, and I will say your friends and family appreciate the making of the ice cream. We get to benefit from that sometimes. Well, we are so happy to have you here and you know, I was thinking back to one of the first times that we met and had a conversation. I remember standing in a corner at my parents' house talking, and you asked me what I do for a living. And when I told you, you said, well, I am a student of leadership. And so we started having a conversation after that. And what I learned about. Paul is that throughout his life, he really has raised his hand, both figuratively and literally to be a leader. So when we were kind of brainstorming what Paul's word should be for today, the word that just really seemed to fit was purpose. I. So Paul, the connection that I make from purpose, when I talk to leaders, I always ask them, what is your why? Why did you wanna be a leader? So I'd like to start with that. What is your why for being a leader?

Paul: 3:35

I, I would say my big why is one. Confidence. Being able confidence didn't come naturally at first. It, it took some time. Originally growing up when I came to America, I spoke Creo. That was my language. And having to learn English, it took some confidence.'cause you're kind of thrown in the mix and you have to adapt really quickly. And then as I started to grow in, in not only learning English, but just seeing the. What American culture is like. I started to see that there was value within myself. I grew my self-worth. And my big reason is of why I do, why I focus on leadership is because I want other people to have that same type of sensation that I've had, which is being able to find your self-worth and how you can incorporate many people in your lifestyle and being able to adapt to their lifestyle for growth.

Debby: 4:26

I love that. And I think it's interesting with your military background that what you just described is such a coaching leadership style, right? You're really pulling out the potential of, of people and having them find their, their self worth.

Paul: 4:40

Yeah, no, I, I would definitely say that it's coaching has, has been the biggest part of. Recently has been the biggest part for me is just being able to talk to kids and seeing what's happening in life, and also being able to teach them the talent of football and be, and expect, they're just like sponges. I mean, they'll take whatever you give them and they'll just like, I'm gonna run with it. And so it's, it's great to see kids and, and interact with them on a daily basis. I would say coaching is definitely a passion.

JoAnn: 5:11

That's great. You know, I wanna talk a little bit about the leadership path there. You know, very seldom is it a straight line, right? Indeed. So what challenges have you faced and or encountered with your seeking out or using your leadership skills?

Paul: 5:30

Yeah, I would say, a, a large thing. I mean one of the key aspects of the military is leadership. I think whatever military school you end up going to, they, they speak on leadership is kind of the as front and center. I would say a big thing for me is I, I incorporate leadership in all aspects of my life and civilian life coaching and also military growing up. I was, I was able to see really clearly that I had a commitment to be able to serve the, serve the country. And the military has shown me how I can incorporate leadership in all aspects. Having, first off, having people underneath you and to be able to teach them whatever the mission may be, your, your job and goal is to be able to not only empower them, but also be able to reach the end goal, which I would say is a big part of leadership.

Kevin: 6:17

To me, it sounds like you are our kind of guy who's a student of leadership, right? I'm always on, I'm always on to, to leaders about, okay, you have a title, a leadership title, but are you truly a student? Learning and embracing and trying to become a better leader at all times. And so we'll have to debrief after this podcast because I'm just. Thinking I'm stuck with the rugby player that's making ice cream on, on the side. So we'll have to visit that. Maybe that'll be a different episode about the dichotomies of leadership. But you've mentioned your military service and, your leadership journey has included the Virginia Military Institute for your undergraduate studies. So what went into your choices to go into a military school?

Paul: 7:05

Yes, I, I would say a big part about that is, well, one, I was told, Hey, would you like to receive some money to go play football? That would kind of guide many people. The reason I had options to go to I got recruited by JMU, got recruited by Towson. And I ended up choosing Virginia militaries too'cause I knew that I wanted to serve and I knew that that was kind of my best path forward. The structure, the discipline, all of it. I, just wanted to be a part of it. I've always kind of seen myself as I wanna be a big fish in a little pond and, it's only 1,500 kids cadets at Virginia Military Institute. So I was like, you know what? I feel like I can go here rather than go into a huge school. A big part of that is also that when before coming to America, I was captured as a child soldier I didn't, of course, at a young age, I did not know what is going on. I was only four years old, but after I was told the story on how my life was traded for. My aunt's earrings, my uncle's wedding ring and a backpack and just, and my toothbrush. I was like, wow, like America's my safe haven. Therefore I was like, you know what? And that was around the age of 10 or so, and I knew that I wanted to serve from then we also came to America and af as soon as we became New America. Nine 11 happened. The world, I mean, we were already in chaos. Leaving chaos to kind of come into a country and then seeing chaos. It was a lot. But as I started to grow, I realizing, you know what I can serve, I can do many different things to give back. And so the military was always my calling. That's a big reason why I ended up going to VMI.

Kevin: 8:42

It's a very interesting experience., It's not the typical experience of most of the, people that I know growing up. I mean, when we were kids,, we play Army. But you weren't playing Army. So how has, I mean, how has that shaped you as a, leader, you know, just the transitions through your, your life how has that shaped your purpose?

Paul: 9:04

Yes. I, I would say a big part of that is, I mean, I, I have a whole different lens on life, as you could say. Like every birthday, I literally I pray to God and I tell him, Hey, I, I thank you for another year. And, and I tell myself. I'm here for a reason, you know? Right, right. Kind of having, kind of living life with a purpose and knowing that God chose you to do go the do something bigger. Right.'Cause not everyone was able to make it out of Sierra alone, west Africa, and so that's, it's. Like you said, the word purpose really drives me every day to know that, hey, you're here for a reason. And I try to, I use that piece in every aspect of life, especially when it comes to coaching.'cause we talk a lot about how millennials may not be able to, like, there's a lot of negatives thrown around when it comes to that word, millennial. I'll tell you what, there are some very strong, resilient. Kids. And we need more people who are willing to stand up and, and see what these kids are made of,'cause at the end of the day, they are our future. So I, I, I enjoy coaching for that reason. Great.

JoAnn: 10:12

It sounds wonderful. And you, talked about being in the officer candidate school. Can you name one experience that kind of sealed the deal, that this was your purpose, this was your calling in life? Has there been an experience there that's kinda like, I know I'm headed in the right direction?

Paul: 10:31

Yes. I would, I would say with officer school we started with 46 officer candidates. We're down to six now. It's an 18 month process. The big. Event that really told me, Hey, you know what, this, you're at the right place is. As the numbers started to trickle down, and I saw that I was not only becoming a better version of myself, but I was actually seeing myself develop, taking what I was learning from Officer Kaden school to the workplace and. With amongst my friends, I, I realized that there was a lot of learning and self-development happening and that's what the whole process is about. The biggest thing I would say is resilience. Having the resilience to push through many of the events. I mean we have this thing called beach ops, which is stands for beach Operations. And essentially you are thrown in the water and you are doing a whole bunch of exercises, pushups, sit-ups, roll rollovers, and the resilience it took to push through that weekend and it's only 48 hours. Right. So we, that's what we tell ourselves. It's only 48 hours, but a long 48 hours. But it's been a physical, mental, and emotional hurdle as I've gone, but that is the reason I continue to stay.'cause I know I'm growing.

Debby: 11:45

Yes. That's great. What do you feel like you've learned about yourself through the whole officer candidate school experience?

Paul: 11:54

Funny enough, I would say I need a support system and I know what my support system is. I think when it comes to being a leader, that's one huge thing you need to know is that understand your people but also understand that you need a support system yourself too. That kind of drives you. I'm fortunate to have such an amazing wife who I mean, I'm talking about down to when it hits Thursday. We're packing my, my ruck, we're packing my, my seat bag, everything to be able to go out. For that weekend and it just kind of, it's time for us to get together but and also prepare you. That's that emotional piece I kind of spoke about, knowing that, wow, I have the support of someone driving me to do complete something that means so much to me that affects them, right? Because I'm taking time away from home and they're taking their time at home to help me prepare for that and. It's just the support system is key. I've seen many people who have not been able to make it to this point in Officer Candidate school because they didn't have support system. So when it comes to leadership, it applies as well where you need, you need to be able to have a support system for yourself. But even, even deeper, I would say searching out your followers to be able to see do they have a support system?'cause everyone needs one.

Debby: 13:07

It's interesting, I was talking to a leader today who was transitioning into her next role of leadership is actually going up a next level of leadership. And what she was saying to me was, I don't know who I could talk to. I don't have a safe space where I can just go and say, am I crazy? Or is this how you're seeing it? Or What advice would you give me? And so I feel like what you just said rings so true is that we need to make sure we have that. Throughout all phases of our life, those people that we can let our guard down with and and just be ourselves with.

Paul: 13:38

I definitely totally agree with you. We just had our, our baby shower recently, and I did a what's called a baby barbecue. It's where all the, all the men came over. And it was basically just, I had my house full of all the men who impacted my life, and I got very emotional seeing all the people in all phases of life. I'm talking about my mentor, my classmates from high school. My, some of my friends from BMI. Some friends from Officer Can at school and just seeing all these different people who impact me on a daily basis, I mean, it, it made me realize that, you know what, this, this is my support system. It's not only just my wife and as she sees me on a daily basis, but like all these other people, they've helped me along the way. So it's important to be able to have someone to talk to and kind of be able to lean on and say, Hey. Like you said, am I going crazy? That that's, that is always a good question to ask yourself. Am I going crazy?

Debby: 14:30

Yeah. Well, and I know you have lots of mentors and you, you maintain those relationships You honor the, the, those mentorships. Mm-hmm.

Paul: 14:38

Yes.

Debby: 14:38

Yeah. So one of the things that stood out to me when, when we were chatting about you being on the podcast, Paul, as you said, that you went from not wanting to stand out. To realizing that a competitive, competitive advantage for you was in being seen. I thought that was a really powerful statement. How has that shift, that mindset shift for you, impacted both your life and also how you show up as a leader?

Paul: 15:07

I would, I would say that it's, it's paid off for sure. I, I'm, I'm happy to be where I am now, being able to speak to amazing people like you. So it's definitely paid off. At, there was times when I did not feel comfortable or wanting to be upfront leading from the front, as we like to say. In high school, I think is when that kind of changed. I saw that there was a leadership vacuum essentially is where everyone just kind of was looking around like, who's gonna take charge here? Once I realized that. It wasn't only my peers, it was people older than me and younger than me that were looking for that leadership. I was like, you know what? I have some pretty good ideas and I know some other people have spoken up already, but silently and. I'm okay being the person to speak up. And so once I started doing that, that's what kind of built that confidence and that, that's been a huge piece for me. Being able to organize thoughts of all these other people and take the opportunity that's been huge towards me being able to sit here today. I.

Debby: 16:06

I think it's interesting'cause we don't always wanna raise our hand. Right? Right. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And it sounds like sometimes you're, you were tapped on the shoulder and sometimes you raised your hand, but I, I think one thing that impresses me about you, Paul, is. Like I could guess your values, your core values, just from being around you. Like you live your values, right? The sacrifices you make, the pride that you have in things, the discipline that you show, you know, I mean, there's a lot of integrity, faith, like there's a lot of things that you wouldn't have to tell me that, I see it in how you act and talk. I,

Paul: 16:40

I appreciate that. I think a big thing is having, an aura of empowerment is, is what I enjoy having being able to empower people around me to feel comfortable around me, creating a comfortable environment to be able to speak and just speak their mind. Like kind of like we, what we talked about a little bit earlier is people, people do want to be heard, but sometimes they're just scared to, to speak. And sometimes you have to be that leader who wants to go and engage with them. And there's nothing more powerful than seeing someone feel empowered.

Kevin: 17:12

Paul, as I've been listening and we've been talking during this podcast, a couple things that have come to mind is that the world is changing. Lots of things are changing daily, weekly, monthly, just there's always, always change. And you hear a lot of people talking about how things are hard. Can you tell me how do we get through hard things? How do we accomplish hard things?

Paul: 17:40

I would say the, the first thing is being able to look at a problem and sometimes the hardest part is understanding the problem. Right? But the, if you don't take that first step forward, a lot of times you can't get to the solution. Of course, not every problem can be able to say, you can't attack everything yourself and say, oh yeah, I have a solution. Right. Especially when you're talking about world problems. But I would say the, the biggest thing is. Not sitting back and saying, Hey, it'll be fixed. Being able to take that first step is, is how I, is, how I usually go about solving problems that I can handle. And sometimes if I can't handle it, I, I lean on other people for understanding and some things that we, we have to understand why we can't solve these problems at this time or maybe within this period of our lives. And I. Being able to find comfort in understanding that is just growth within itself. So as long as I'm growing in any, any type of situation, that's, that's how I can overcome something being hard.

Kevin: 18:47

And right now we want to give you, we want to give you an opportunity to share some advice. You are a leader, right? You are a leader. We've worked with leaders the past probably 30 years of all of our careers. You are a leader. What advice would you give to someone who wants to be a leader? Maybe someone who's listening to the podcast, maybe they're a younger person or maybe they are an individual contributor role and they wanna be a leader. What advice would you give to people who wanna be a leader?

Paul: 19:16

That's a really good question. I would say that the first thing I would say is take every opportunity that comes your way. That I've, I've done that and. I can honestly say it has never gone wrong. Taking an opportunity that comes your way is gonna be a learning piece. A hundred percent it, it, you will be able to learn from being able to experience something that you were not sure about. The next thing is once you arrive to wherever you, wherever you may go, listen before you speak, listen.'cause usually the people who are already there have been able to experience and being able to. Understand what the situation is. You gather up as much information as you can, so listen. And then next I would say speak up after you've been able to finally get a better understanding of what's going on. Lastly, I would say be ready to step out of your comfort zone.'cause all three of those things I listed are gonna be very hard right.'Cause as soon as you show up, people wanna know what you bring to the table. And naturally of course not everyone, I would say is a natural leader, and that's totally fine. There's ways to become a leader, and I would, like I said, take that first step to jump out of your com comfort zone and understand that people want to hear from you, but also when you show up, be ready to take in as much information.

Kevin: 20:36

Love it. There we go. We got your book. We're always trying to give people book ideas. So your book is step up, listen to the speak up, step out.

Paul: 20:47

I like that. You know, I'm picturing this like a double, like girl's double decking or something like that. Well, you gotta step in. You gotta step out. I like that.

Debby: 20:58

All right. Well, lots of good stuff there, Paul. Unfortunately we have to close out for today. But before we do that, we always have three questions that we like to ask our guests. So I'm gonna ask those to you now. The first one is, what is a book that you believe a leader coach should read?

Paul: 21:18

Ooh, that, that's a really good one. One of my favorite books is talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell. That book taught me that consciously as humans due to our differences in culture and being able to understand each. Each other usually doesn't come naturally. You need to be able to understand that people come from different backgrounds and a big part of adapting and understanding situations is listening. Talking to strangers,, if you're able to listen to that book, I would say listen, read it, but also run to it walk to it, whatever it may be. Just hearing the voice of malcolm Gladwell was huge for me'cause the lessons he taught me in there made me realize no matter where you go, someone's gonna have a different story. And being able to listen to their story can not only make you grow as a person, but you'll be able to find out what their crutches are and you can propel propel in every situation together. So that was probably one of my favorite books. Okay.

Debby: 22:19

What question have you been asked that gave you pause, so it just made you think a little deeper or made you think a little differently?

Paul: 22:26

Yes. Good question. I would say a question. This is when I was coaching, I had a, a varsity player, so at the highest level, at high school, asked me if the result was a success. Why does everything that happens in the middle matter. So before play we have a breakdown of what you're supposed to do, kind of how you read a situation. And basically I was caught back realizing, wow, like he, he's right. We reached success. And what it kind of taught me was it made me realize that when you hand over a task, you're placing trust and responsibility upon a person. You have to be willing to accept that things won't. Go exactly as you pictured, but if the growth and success happens and you've been able to hand it down to them, they're able to grow in that situation. And truly that's been, I would say, it caught me back and I realized that I needed more to, to understand that they're developing and, that's how I was able to find comfort in that situation.

Debby: 23:28

That's a great question. And you might be asked that again as you're having kids now. Right. You're probably gonna, you're probably gonna be asked questions like that.

Paul: 23:37

Yep.

Debby: 23:38

Why? Why dad? Why?

Paul: 23:41

Yeah.

Debby: 23:41

And then our last question is, what is your word on coaching besides purpose?

Paul: 23:47

This word was actually put. Towards me. But I've taken it on I have it on my Instagram as, as my little bio, but the, it's sentinel it's a guard or lookout, someone who watches or something to protect it. I truly, I. I've, anytime we go out with friends, that's always kind of my, it's funny'cause a lot of people probably be like, well, that's the military in him. But no, I've always, I've always just always been very protective of my inner circle. I've always been protective of when we go out, but also on a kind of deeper level, it's just, I. We, we need to do more listening, asking people, Hey, how are you doing? How, how, how's everything going? And, getting to be able to listen more. So the word sentinel is, is my word that I carry on daily.

Debby: 24:32

Okay. Kind of your mantra. Sounds like

Paul: 24:35

that, that, that I would, I would say so.

Debby: 24:39

Well, Paul, it's been a pleasure. I'm so glad that you got to share. A little bit of your story. I know it probably felt like we were just scratching the surface with you for sure, but thank you for being a little vulnerable. It's not always sharing, you know, it's not always easy to come and step outside your comfort zone and, and share your story. So we appreciate having you here. Kevin and Joanne, it's been a pleasure. So we wanna also thank our audience for listening. We have. More word on coaching podcasts. So if this is the first one you've listened to, go back and listen to our other seasons. There's a lot more out there or re-listen. We're, I'm noticing that a lot more people are re-listening to some of the former podcasts. You can connect with us on our Coaches three Facebook page and our bestselling book. The word on coaching is still available. It's out there wherever you buy books, so buy a copy for yourself and it's a great book to buy for others as well. So thanks everybody. It's good to see you all.

JoAnn: 25:38

Thank you. And until the

Debby: 25:39

next time. That is the word on coaching.

25:42

I.