Criticism - Handle it with Class

Let's chat about handling criticism with finesse and class!

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Transcript

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Well, let me start off with saying welcome back. I want to talk about something that we don't usually like to talk about, but I want to talk about criticism because I am sure that I am not the only one that has someone criticize you and you just want to snap. You want to rip them a new one, you want to say something ugly. But I want to give us some tools today so that we can really begin to handle criticism with a little bit of finesse, a little bit of class, so that we're not the ones saying something that we got to figure out how to walk back. Because unless you plan on hiding in your house for the rest of your life, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, you're going to have to deal with criticism. But you know what? Make no mistake about it. Even if you do stay in your house, guess what? You're still going to be criticized. You just won't know about it because it won't be in your face. You won't see them. But guess what? Somebody's still going to criticize you. Criticism, you guys, really is it's just a part of life. Unfortunately, the more significant your accomplishments are, the more criticism you're going to have to face. It seems like it's backwards, right? Like it should be an oxymoron, but it's not. The more significant your accomplishments, the more you are visible in your community, in your leadership position, the more that you're doing, the more criticism you're going to have to face. Learn to deal with criticism, and your life will be a lot easier. I didn't say perfect, but it will be a lot easier. It's also easier to be successful when we learn how to handle criticism with a little bit of finesse and a little bit of class. Since you're going to be criticized no matter what you do, it would be a good idea to have a strategy in place in advance for handling critics and what they say about you. You guys ready? All right. And I've got to be honest, this is something that I have a very dear friend. We actually coach and train together. She is my therapist friend. And here's one of the first things she tells me, Mary, take a deep breath. And I want to share that with you. Take a deep breath. Have you ever noticed how much easier it is to see something objectively when you're not emotionally involved? That's why it's frequently easier to see solution solutions to our friends, you know, their challenges, their issues, you know, their struggles, than it is to see it for our for ourselves. So take a moment and get as calm as you can before you respond to criticism. Take a deep breath. I remember, you know, years ago, I used to hear, you know, especially the old the older women at church say something like, you know, put some water in your jaws, basically saying, you know, sip a cup of water. If you have a cup of coffee or whatever your beverage is, that is a great time to take a sip. But here's what I want you to do: learning to calm yourself. It's a skill that you can strengthen with practice. Why? Because it's going to happen. The criticism isn't going to stop. It's not going to stop. Who criticizes us is probably going to increase the more successful we become. But how we handle it, we can do this and we can do it so that we can do it calmly and with finesse. Get a book on meditation or other relaxation techniques. You have to learn how to stay calm in your day-to-day life before you can expect to stay calm in more emotionally intense moments. What do I mean by that? If I am flipping off at the handle and stressing out over what we would normally consider, you know, small things, little tiny things, spill mill, cup of waterfill, broke a dish, then you really have a good chance of struggling when somebody's in your face and criticizing something that you did. Okay. So take a deep breath and let's strengthen this area for us real quick. Think about what you can do to calm your emotions in simple things so that when the critics come at us, we can calm our emotions quickly. And that way we don't respond in a way that we got to walk it back. Okay. The next thing I want you to think about is you know, to really ask yourself, is it possible that this person is right? We don't like to be criticized, but every now and then sometimes what they're saying is right. So you've got to take a minute and ask yourself, remember, take a sip of water, drink whatever your beverage is and say, hmm, is there any validity to this? Is you know, is it possible this person is right? Once you've calmed down to a good place mentally, ask yourself if they might have a legitimate criticism. Is this a legitimate response or reaction to something I've said or done? Or, you know, what is it that they're saying? No one is perfect, so it's natural to be wrong about something, not all the time, right? We don't want something's something's off and we're wrong all the time. But take a moment and really think about that. Think about it. Is there any validity to what they say? And I know I already hear your voices now. You know what? Sometimes it's not what said, it's who said it. But even if it is your arch enemy number one that has criticized something about you, something you've said or done, or just you, think about it just for a moment and ask, is it possible that that person is right? The next thing I want you to do is thank them. The best way to disarm your critics, simply thank them for their critique. I know, I know somebody's already grinding their teeth when they're here. It's like, what? Yes, thank them. Thank them for their critique. After all, they could have done a lot of other things with their time, but they chose to spend it on you. It really is a compliment if you think about it. Think about it. I know, but think about that. That means that they have thought about something you have said or done, and you are top of mind. I literally just had this conversation with someone else yesterday. And I said, you know what? The thing is, guess what? That means you're top of mind. They were thinking about you. If they've always got something to say about you, that means they are always thinking about you. So thank them and think in advance about what verbiage you want to use. You know what? I thank you for your observation. That's kind of soft and simple and not too uh, it's not too snotty, but I want you to think about how you can respond and still feel good about yourself. And you're just, you know, you know, I thank you for your observation. You know, thank you for that critique. We don't want to call them criticism, you know, but thank them. Figure out what your response is going to be in advance so that the next time it happens to you, you're ready for it. You're ready for it. I mean, role-play it in the mirror, record yourself on the phone, you know, do it with a smile. You know, thank you for your criticism. No, I'm not, I'm kidding about that. But you do want to thank them for their critique, thank them for their observation. Um, and then I want you to do this move on. Move on, regardless of whether the criticism was accurate or not. You should just move on. After you've gained whatever you can from the interaction, simply let it go. Focus on your next text. Avoid wasting time looking backwards. You cannot move forward well if you are continuously looking backwards, because that's already happened. That means it's behind us, and we still have to focus and keep moving forward. So let me pause right there for a second. Let's talk about what if they're right. If they were right, ah, dog got it. But let's talk about it. If the criticism was accurate, figure out a better way to do things the next time. It might take some time, but it is worthwhile to ensure you don't make the same mistake twice. Okay, you want to think about it. How can you fix it? Figure out a better way to do it next time. But remember, I still want you to move past it. Move past it. Once you have an improved course of action for the next time, get on with the rest of your day. Okay, keep it moving. We're gonna learn the lesson, forget the details and keep it moving. That is a quote from Jack Vaughn, bishop and pastor here in Kansas City. But it's it is huge. Learn your lesson, forget the details and keep it moving. Okay, let's flip it to the other side. What if they're wrong? If after contemplating the criticism that you just received, you determine whether or not it's correct. You determine whether it was right or wrong. You know, was it valid? If it's not, guess what? Then simply forget it and keep it moving. There's no reason to dwell on it any longer than it takes to determine if there's any validity to it or not. If there isn't, keep it moving. Think about the most successful people you know and notice how they make it a habit to move on quickly. After all, they have more important things to do. And guess what? So do you. We cannot sit there and dwell and then you know dig ourselves into a pit because someone didn't like something we said or did. It's okay. Is it valid? Learn your lesson, make some adjustments and keep it moving. If it's not valid, keep it moving even faster. Don't spend a lot of time on it. And here's the last piece I want to give for you. Let's talk about positive reinforcement. Each time you receive criticism and handle it appropriately, take the time to congratulate yourself. I it happens to all of us. No matter what level of success you are at, it's going to happen. But can I tell you something? It feels so good when you didn't snap, when you didn't go off, when you didn't lose your cool, when you didn't say the thing that you can't take back with an apology, it feels great. Any behavior that is rewarded is more likely to occur again in the future. You know what? Someone criticized me. I responded really softly. And guess what? I'm gonna go treat myself. Whatever that treat is, whatever the reward is that you want to give yourself. Think about that. Be proud that you had so much control over yourself and were even possibly able to gain something positive from the experience. Even if you didn't do it 100% the best that you could, reward yourself that you've gotten better than how you handled it the last time. And let's figure out how you how do you still make progress on it. Okay. We're not perfect, we are all human. Just as that person criticized you, whether they were right or wrong, they probably didn't do it the best way they could have. But guess what? You learn from that as well. Because guess what? We criticize others as well. We probably don't call it that. You know, we're just, you know, telling them the facts or whatever we want to use for it, but we all do it. We all do it. And so let's also think about a better way for us to do that for others. And then use the techniques that we talked about to handle criticism with finesse. Handle it with class. Handle it with class. Learn what you can from every interaction, good, bad, and ugly. Learn what you can. Let me wrap it up with this for you because after you've calmly considered the criticism, you are free to either adjust your strategy or simply dismiss it. Then you can let it go and move right on to the next thing you need to be doing. Move right on with your day, move right on with your life, and remember to reward yourself afterwards to your success, Mary Ricketts.