Hooks And Holy Relationships | Wisdom Dialogues @ Lake Whatcom, WA | December 28, 2025

What if the “demons” you glimpse in the corner of your eye are just repetitive attack thoughts asking to be seen? This conversation travels from a quiet lakeside room to the most charged places in the heart, showing how relationships mirror our unwatched mind and how real peace arrives when we stop trying to fix people and start listening for guidance. We unpack masculine–feminine dynamics, the hooks that appear in close intimacy, and the subtle ways neediness turns love into a transaction.

Through stories of a lava evacuation, near-violence diffused by presence, and the courageous choice to end a decades-long marriage, we explore the practice of staying in the eye of the storm. Apparitions, archons, and “dark spirits” become metaphors for looping thoughts; when we look at them without fear, they dissolve. From there, we pivot into daily frictions—trash in the car, a partner’s low mood, family gossip—and use them as micro-trainings for forgiveness that collapses time rather than circles it endlessly.

We also redefine holy relationship as a shared purpose, not a romantic label. A mighty companion meets you in innocence, asks “How can I help?” and joins you in remembering the truth when ego stories bite. That shift loosens sentimental attachment, frees us from productivity myths, and opens space for inspired action that feels anointed—whether that’s a hard conversation, a gentle exit, or a joyful hug. If you’ve ever felt trapped by patterns, haunted by thoughts, or torn between comfort and depth, this talk offers clear, practical mind training to move from transaction to truth.

If this resonates, follow the show, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review with your biggest takeaway. Then tell us: what pattern are you ready to release next?

Chapters

• 0:05 Setting The Space At The Lake
• 1:10 Relationships As Mirrors Of The Mind
• 4:54 Apparitions, Archons, And Attack Thoughts
• 10:49 Burdens, Fixing Others, And Kindness
• 17:06 Staying Centered In Crisis
• 23:26 Practice Through Daily Friction
• 31:02 Leaving A long Marriage And Patterns
• 39:49 Deep Versus Transactional Connection
• 46:17 From Neediness To Inner Support
• 54:05 Circular Forgiveness And Real Miracles
• 1:00:44 Triggers, Tiny Irritations, True Choice
• 1:08:40 Holy Relationship And Shared Purpose
• 1:15:24 No Bodies, No Bypass: Go Within
• 1:22:16 Sentimentality, Clutter, And Letting Go
• 1:29:10 Doing Nothing And Being Guided
• 1:36:05 Q&A, Mighty Companions, Next Steps

Transcript

SPEAKER_08: 0:05

Aloha and welcome to Wisdom Dialogues with Hope Johnson. Yeah. Coming to you from Lake Watcombe in Washington. Yeah. So it's such a sweet spot. See that picture if you're watching this on Zoom or Substack or later on YouTube, whatever. The picture that is actually a picture that I took. So that's like sometimes how my view looks.

SPEAKER_07: 0:42

The colors change, the ripples on the water change, the sky changes. Um, snow over there where that mountain has a big old cloud. One time it just moved away and uh left white still there. Looks like snowy Christmas trees up there. Yeah. Yes. Welcome. I love you.

SPEAKER_08: 1:08

Hmm. So, as you know, if you've been following me, if you've been following my writings, I have been exploring a lot in the realm of relationship and especially uh masculine feminine dynamics in relationship. It has been so fun, nourishing, enlightening. I'm so honored that I get to uh expose the patterns and expose, but not only expose the patterns, but get the guidance that changes everything because it dissolves those patterns in ourselves.

SPEAKER_07: 2:05

See, there's major hooks that come up when we're very close.

SPEAKER_08: 2:14

Aloha. When we're very close in relationship, there tend to be these major hooks that come up, and that's because the longer and more often you hang out with a person, the more of your own hidden, unwatched mind that you're gonna see reflected right back at you. That's right. Well, yes, projected projection makes the reflection. Yeah. So that's why there's these hooks that the ego says we want them to change, right? And it's like as if you can take a personality and go, okay, well, if this person only had their personality this way, then they'd be perfect.

SPEAKER_12: 3:18

How many times have we heard that?

SPEAKER_08: 3:21

How many times, how many times has that perf has that perception arose, right? It's like, man, if they were only I would be so much more authentic if my partner wasn't holding me back, for instance. Yeah. So noticing these patterns of abuse, I've seen it a bunch reflected back to me. And you know, knowing it's all coming from my own mind. When I see something repetitively, that tells me that that's something for me to look at. Meet with kindness, right? And see past it, interpret it differently, interpret it with the Holy Spirit's guidance. So uh, so it's not giving you something to fix, and especially this is something to know, it's not giving you something to fix about yourself either. You don't need to work on something about yourself, you need forgiveness of the self that you made. Not like I forgive myself. It's like noticing that anything that shames this self, anything that strikes fear for this self, that's what's not even of you. I've been having this interesting realization lately too, that repetitive thoughts, harmful attack thoughts that repeat and repeat and repeat, they appear as apparitions for people, kind of like as if they are dark spirits, dark spirits. There's no such thing as that. That can't really happen. But that's often how they're perceived. I just happened to run across a video on YouTube where it was a training, they were selling a training on how to see these apparitions. They were calling them archons, and there was it was a way of looking so that you could see these apparitions. And then uh because once you see them, they can't hide. Once you actually look at them, they can't hide. Only thing is they're taking them to be evil spirits, as in something that needs to be fought. But these are just the repetitive patterns taking a certain form in the perception. People see them as beings up on the ceiling. I was talking with one man in Sedona who was talking about that. He was saying, Yeah, I've got to fight these demons. They're hanging up on my ceiling, they're doing all this stuff. He wasn't in a receptive way to hear a verbal expression of those are not demons. But still, you know, it gives us the opportunity to dispel some illusion, even where others can't, because they're they're bringing it forth and the light of our awareness just on it, just dispels it. And it reveals to me that, you know, even if you seem to see a dark spirit out of the corner of your eye, that's where you know, you they say you normally see them out of the corner of your eye, like you're not sure, quite sure you saw it, and what was that, and stuff like that. If you take it as, okay, this is uh a form, like an apparition made of negative thinking. That's all. So it's like you just in the moment, you just ask to be released from the negative thinking. It can't touch you. That's not how it's made. It's made to give you thoughts, and it's such a good symbol because those thoughts that are not of God don't really come from you. It's kind of like they come from outside of you. Like you projected the ego to have those thoughts for you. States it well in A Course in Miracles, where it's talking about how uh none of these thoughts are your real thoughts. Right? So that's how even these illusions of their being, these apparitions, these dark apparitions, they're just dissolved in the light of truth. They're just seen for what they are. Not harmful, not harmful at all.

SPEAKER_09: 8:06

Like the same way that this person in Sedona was seeing apparitions and thinking there was a heavy burden on himself, right? To have to deal with that in the same way, then I'm getting a perception of a man in persona who has a burden, and I have to do something about that. So in the same way, it's always this coming back to well, if you feel like there's a burden of having to fix something.

SPEAKER_08: 8:34

Okay, okay, I see where you're you're going with that. So she's uh she's pointing to she might feel like it's a burden on her to help him be released from these basically demonic thoughts. Well, you can look at it like this they're your demonic thoughts that he's talking about. See how far hidden they are? There's someone else having a delusion. So it's like immediately your release from just any truth to those beings have any kind of power or needing to be fought or forced off. Right? It's more like a relaxing than a forward motion to try to fix someone. What I found myself communicating with him verbally was just that was just I can see that you have a very caring heart. I mean, that was authentic to me. He felt like he uh he he was protecting everyone else. He's like, I know they're in everyone's room, I know they're on everyone's ceiling. Yeah, and and that's that's just so sweet, that's so loving. You know, at the moment, he's not ready for that verbal acknowledgement of what's really true, but we feel each other. So in ourselves, there's just a matter of seeing that these thoughts don't mean anything, it's a choice being made, and it could be uh that choice could be evacuated in any moment. Jesus said, You'll disown the thoughts that are harmful to you. You'll disown them, they're not your own, they're never, they never were. Ah, happy Sunday, Akahi. Oh, you're having a fun day. Oh, yeah. Thank you for joining. I appreciate you. Well, thank you for those warm blessings. That feels good. Ah, it's like the Ghostbusters. This is Wayne. Aloha Wayne. Ghostbusters movies that have spread that perception through the media as a real farce. I love the Ghostbusters movies, those are a fun symbol, right? They got a little box and they just zap them with the box and pull them into the box. They're not uh not harmful. You just need this little box for them.

SPEAKER_06: 11:17

Put them in there.

SPEAKER_03: 11:21

Can I go get a glass of water?

SPEAKER_08: 11:24

Of course. The glasses are right next to the fridge. There's a water pill.

SPEAKER_10: 11:29

Three means of two. Yes. Yes. It's possible. I have three more people.

SPEAKER_07: 11:38

Three more people coming. What a party this is. I love it.

SPEAKER_10: 11:46

One of the comedy. He hasn't met nobody.

SPEAKER_07: 11:56

Got Sandy over here introducing me to everyone. So fun. Thank you, Sandy. Why? Yeah, I like it.

SPEAKER_10: 12:09

Yeah, thank you. She makes a joke, she says, we're both eighty years old, she says, We're my sisters from another mother.

SPEAKER_12: 12:24

Wearing a meat hat.

SPEAKER_07: 12:34

We're taking a water break.

SPEAKER_10: 12:42

Well when when she gets your she gets your either way. Nothing! Yay!

SPEAKER_12: 13:07

I've had a difficult morning with one of my clients having a real turn of events. And he was so distressed. We cleared, we did the clearing, you know that I have, and then came up with something that happened in the real world. And they took it the wrong way. Because unless you really understand, of course, the miracles you may believe the illusion. Devastating things in any comfortable way. And then real devastating twists based on it. And you know, that always just sets me to see that they are suffering so much. And I know that can't be true, but I'm letting that call.

SPEAKER_08: 13:59

Yay, thank you, Sandy. Okay, so whenever anyone talks in here, I know you guys can't hear it very well. I'm just gonna summarize what Sandy just shared. Okay. So she's perceiving another person's, other people's suffering, right? At someone sharing with her, kind of uh feeling like they're in a whirlwind or crisis point because they share, and that they're guilty for sharing something from an incomplete knowledge of a course in miracles, no knowledge at all, no knowledge at all. And uh and some people got triggered, and then there were consequences for that. So Sandy was sharing that she's uh feeling, and you know, that's the thing about feeling, the feeling sense shows us where we're holding on to something. So she noticed that she's uh feeling uh some sort of upset about their suffering.

SPEAKER_12: 15:02

Yeah, they're upset, sad about their suffering.

SPEAKER_08: 15:05

Sad about their suffering, which would be the same as trying to join them in suffering, which she sees. So that's the thing. It's seeing it allows it to be released from your nervous system, from your body's energy field, you can say, from your mind. Right? It's noticing why do I really feel sad? And the only reason you can really feel sad is that you're projecting sadness. And the only thing that can underlie a sad thought is untruth, perceived, perceived guilt, perceived guilt, right? And it's projected outward as if they feel guilty. So it's noticing, uh, and that's something that I notice within myself too, like when I'm sitting with the guy who sees the demons on the top, uh, or uh with a woman who's saying how she hates her job, you know, is just allowing myself to be released from any burden or obligation or need to change them, you know, fix them, make them better. Right. And one friend who was hanging out with me at the time noticed when the woman was talking about she hated her job that he went to fix her. He wanted to change the way she saw her job. So we were talking about that later, and he was going, I noticed that you didn't try to fix her at all. You just kind of like had fun with she hates her job. Oh, yeah, what do you hate about it? You know, it's like it's like just having fun and letting them because when you let people express, when you let them express themselves, they can see a lot for themselves. There, there are some people that actually come to you for your knowledge, and then you're aware of that because they seem to want it. Other people are coming for uh your light, uh, without the knowledge part. It's just where you'll you'll be willing to relax and be and not feel like a foreigner in the situation. You know, like it didn't just uh express for you and for your benefit. See, it's like to see it how it really is. It's like, oh, this is uh this this thing is a benefit for me. No, no matter how chaotic it seems. You know, sometimes you have really wild whirlwinds happening where it's a bunch of family members. I've heard some stories since it's been Christmas. People been visiting their family members at Christmas time. I've heard some stories or like huge fights, uh, someone getting a gun. Like, wow, that escalated.

SPEAKER_02: 18:21

Welcome.

SPEAKER_08: 18:24

Please enter quietly. We're mid-session. Yay.

SPEAKER_03: 18:34

If you prefer a swishier chair underview, I'd be happy to like to pull that up.

SPEAKER_08: 18:43

That's one too you could use. My voice is loud enough it travels all the way over there. All right, filling the house with beautiful beings. Welcome. Thank you for joining. People are getting settled again. We got another uh You're all good. Are you gonna do some more crinkling over there or what do you got going?

SPEAKER_06: 19:43

You're you're not in the camera range. You're fine. Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 19:54

Thank you for having us.

SPEAKER_06: 19:55

Thank you for being here. I appreciate you.

SPEAKER_10: 20:06

And uh your name is again? Uh my name is Natalie in the game.

SPEAKER_03: 20:13

Yeah, you remember. Yes, yeah, probably names.

SPEAKER_12: 20:22

We're reporting on the people of it.

SPEAKER_08: 20:27

Yes, so quiet in the room, thank you.

SPEAKER_06: 20:35

You're fine with the crunching.

SPEAKER_08: 20:43

So where was I? Oh yeah, Christmas gatherings. Hearing some stories, hearing some wild stories.

SPEAKER_12: 20:52

Big day for the illusion of the pain.

SPEAKER_07: 20:55

Big day for pain to come up.

SPEAKER_12: 20:58

I worked many hours on Christmas with the perceived pain.

SPEAKER_08: 21:03

And a friend was asking me, okay, how do you just stay calm in the midst of something like that? Where it's your family, let's say it's your immediate family, and now someone's getting a gun. Right? It's you know, it's like this you are always in the center. You'd say it's like you're in the eye of the storm. That's where you truly are. And if you stay there in the center, you experience the experience as it is rather than racing around with everyone, circling around. It's like you're circling around reality, never entering reality. Enter the reality of it. That's what's neat. I remember when uh lava was flowing and I got the evacuation call. They're like, you have one hour to get out, there's lava flowing above your location, right? I've seen people experience that. Yeah, so I've got a 10-year-old son back there, and I'm not even home. He's he's out of the place, right? So I'm noticing my hands start shaking, and I'm noticing the the whole experience, right? And the reason I'm able to stay calm in the experience is that I'm actually having the experience. I don't really have a son, I don't really have a house. This is all just projection, it's all just reflecting something coming back to me for this experience. There's only this experience unfolding right now, right? So this allows me to stay in in the state, you could say the state of grace, where you're just receiving the guidance from God, you know, it's immediately my mind goes to show me how to be the most helpful. Because obviously, people are gonna be freaking out.

SPEAKER_12: 23:00

Go out of their mind.

SPEAKER_08: 23:01

Yeah, yeah. Obviously, people are gonna be freaking out. Like, this is really, this is the time to shine, you know. It's like all the practice for four years before that. I was practicing continually on the on the seemingly small things, although there's no order in this, right? Seemingly small things, uh, being made fun of by my family, you know, uh, noticing my employees and my husband making fun of my spirituality. It's like way too overboard, way too off on the wild side, right? These little things and noticing, okay, what is this for? And I'm using all these things, all these little upsets, you know. Uh anyone seeming to be mean to me, people seeming to uh be condemning of me for having my talks. I've been doing talks for 11 years in Hawaii and seeing through all these things for uh for those four years, 2014 and 2018. So when the lava came, it was like I got this. I got it was just like I got this easy. It's such an obvious flag, it's lava. You know, I would always I was I would always reference it as a red flag being raised in the mind, going, look, come conscious, be aware there's something here for you to see differently. And lava itself is red. Yeah, so it was like it was almost like, can this can it be easier than this?

SPEAKER_02: 24:50

Right? Can it get off? It's like, what are you doing? Get the program, get a get go right, yeah.

SPEAKER_08: 24:58

It's awesome, and it's like you're not expected to be perfect or even certain that the truth is true. Your willingness to be here for the experience and embracing the experience makes you certain. See, and and you don't have to be full-on willing to start with a little bit of willingness, just a little bit, like a nod to awareness of what's true. Okay, I know I'm freaking out here. It seems like the lava's coming and could eat my 10-year-old and the house, right? And I know I'm going off. I know I seem to be going crazy. All of a sudden, that's different. Because you're aware of what you're doing. That changes things, that little bit of willingness changes things. That's why it builds. I just kept on letting it build.

SPEAKER_02: 26:02

Right. Do you get a fire extinguisher watch it? That would make me build.

SPEAKER_08: 26:07

A fire extinguisher? I got this. It wasn't that kind of flow, it was it was where it flowed really fast to the ocean, like just really fast, and I I don't know, maybe a few hours from four miles away. So it was get it was pretty big. Yeah.

SPEAKER_09: 26:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08: 26:35

Yeah. Yeah. Well, the one guy did put a slow-flowing one out with a hose. Yeah, it looked like that was pretty good. But it's like you always uh you're always giving the opportunity to see through illusions, and in that, that is being helpful. Just in the opportunity. Whoa, this is fun. Wow, what an experience. Right? Another one where I had the perception of a family member getting so angry, becoming so angry that they were rushing on me about to hit me or hurt me in some way. A much bigger male person, right? And and it was like a split second because they weren't far from me, where it just like flashed through my mind a sense of fear that they're gonna hurt me, and then just a sense of surrender to the process, whatever, to whatever is needed as a means. So pres so surrendering the fear, and it's like he just got this close and then just stopped, and then just like took a breath. Okay, yeah. So there's nothing that can be accomplished by worrying and stressing over the situation because the ego doesn't know what to do, the ego only ever reacts in separation. That's fear, that's guilt, shame, punishment.

unknown: 28:15

Right.

SPEAKER_08: 28:17

So to be in a listening way, whatever is helpful. I've had a that occur three different times in uh in some years, and uh not by family members, other times, once by a police officer, I thought that was awesome. Yeah, just like coming up like they're gonna. I was being an activist at the time.

SPEAKER_06: 28:47

And I'm like, oh, you're gonna hit me.

SPEAKER_08: 28:52

Yeah, and then and then another time when my friend hit a dude's car and he was just like really pissed, and he seemed to want to hit someone, and I seemed to be in front of him. But just it, but noticing in all those opportunities how there is like this split-second decision to stay in my center, to not go into fear, to not go into defensiveness, but just to see what's true, to welcome whatever is coming. It's interesting how when you're welcoming whatever's coming, people soften. It's really interesting. So you're just welcoming whatever it is.

SPEAKER_05: 29:37

I want to add something to what you said earlier. The uh how can I help? It is absolutely um in line with love. How can I help is an ex a is a uh inquisitive way of loving. Yes. And um, so many times I've had somebody come up like very aggressive to me and just uh some you know, literally once I might even just literally say, like, can I help you? Yeah, it is absolutely right.

SPEAKER_08: 30:00

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, or even just asking someone for more information, like, do you have anything else to share about that?

unknown: 30:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08: 30:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05: 30:10

Yeah. One guy just took a very strong stance and just kind of like offering a hug and asked him um if he needed help. Yeah and then the violence and the throwing and the and the breaking thing stopped immediately. Uh-huh. And then he just went and to himself.

SPEAKER_08: 30:26

Yeah. So Rivers talking about asking someone if they need help, you know, and they seem to be taking a violent stance with him. He's just noticing, oh, this person needs help and asking if they need help and watching that uh soften everything. Now, when it comes to what you say, there's not really a choice in this. Part of this is seeing that you're being played out, right? The choice is in the mind where there's willingness to be helpful. See, it's before the actual speaking. So then you're watching a show of yourself doing whatever speaking you seem to be doing. See, so if you notice uh when you act from a triggered state, there's a contraction in the body's energy field. That's what I learned to notice over many years because I first started seeing it as a child. Like, oh, what's that? I don't like that feeling that came along with whatever it was that came out of my mouth. That was not a good feeling. That's there not to make you feel guilty, just so that you notice so you can recognize that that expression actually came from a thought that is a meaningless thought and is attacking you. That's where you get to feel it. It's not to say, I need to change, I need to change my behavior. It's not that. Because the more you try to change your behavior, the more you're glossing over the underlying thought that's projecting that behavior. So you got to be willing to stop glossing over things and going, oh, I didn't like the way that felt, or that could have felt like it was in more alignment, you know, just in a curious, happy learner kind of way. Not in a self-evaluating kind of way. There's no self there for you to evaluate really. It's just a device. That kind of self-evaluation is just a device for making you feel ashamed, to making you you feel like you got work to do on yourself. I'm here to tell you you got no work to do on yourself. The whole thing of a course in miracles, the whole thing about taking you through a whole course where you take a lesson every day and you do the practice every day, it's so that you so that you could see that there's nothing for you to fix about yourself. It's just a matter of accepting what you are right now, right? And then in the midst of any storm, you're the calming center. It feeds your sense of calmness, your set sense of peace and bliss first. And from there, it's extending outward. You don't need to know what to say or what to wear or what to bring or what to do or who to meet. It's a beautiful state where you're just allowing yourself to be informed in the moment exactly what's being called you. It's directional in thought, it is not in form. You can find yourself doing the most uplifting, inspired thing in every moment if you would allow that guidance. You truly can. You know, you might even start asking yourself and noticing, is this the most inspired and uplifting thing I could be doing right now? And if the answer is no, notice what thought is keeping you from the most inspired, uplifting thing right now. Because all the things that you seem to be doing in form are just reflecting your state of mind. None of them are right or wrong. It's a matter of how it feels to you. No one has a list. On this side, it's a good thing. On this side, it's a bad thing.

SPEAKER_10: 35:15

Right.

SPEAKER_08: 35:25

You know, and that includes any kind of sense of obligation that you need to talk with someone, that you need to go somewhere, that you need to do anything. It's fine. The perception of it is totally neutral. It's used for teaching. It's fine if you find yourself playing that stuff out. You use that, use all of it as a means, and you'll come to see it differently. I found myself going through a transition like this last year. It was a trip. All of a sudden, I didn't need any input from the world to tell me what I should do. I just realized I saw it so clearly. I set this whole thing up to be like this. Thought got me here. Thinking in a certain way, thinking in certain patterns, got me to the place where I seemed to have all these responsibilities. I seemed to need to perform that changed everything. Even for my husband, he started to see everything differently, too. You know, I trained him into a state where he was dependent, weak and dependent. You know why? For 20 years, I showed him that I was a strong and independent woman. So I trained him into that and then was resentful toward him because he wasn't being a provider. I'm like, what the fuck? Where's my provider? When I met you, you seem to be a perfectly good dude. What did I do to you?

SPEAKER_02: 37:26

And found out, well, guess what? Well, are you like me now?

SPEAKER_01: 37:33

What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_13: 37:35

Talking about you got beyond the beautiful and sexy.

SPEAKER_08: 37:42

Right. Yes. Oh, yeah. So so that was a thing too. It was like, I would permit this uh this projection of me that's just an image and not a not really depth, not really depth of being, not really meeting at that deep place. Is that what you're talking about? Yeah. So I would notice, recognize this image that was being perceived within me and resist that. Hey, how come you don't see me? How come you don't actually look at me? How come you uh always just see this image? There's no depth, there's no depth here, right? So after a while, I was like, you know what? That's not a thing for me. It automatically evolved to that where I'm not doing this anymore. I'm just not doing this anymore. And you know, it's been about a year, and my husband reflects to me. He's going, I can't believe how what a gift it was that you left me.

unknown: 38:52

Wow.

SPEAKER_08: 38:53

You know, and he loves me. He would love to be with me right now. You know, that's the reflection that I get. Uh, but it showed him so much freedom because there was so much comfort. I mean, it just looked like everything was going perfect. We have this uh loyalty and we've been uh together 30 years and raising three children and have a house and a business and uh great smells. There are business, yeah, great smells. And uh and it was like shocking. It was a shock to the nervous system that I just up and said, nope, that's it. And anything he was doing to try to keep me, I was like, nope, I'm just not feeling it anymore. It's not that that energy is just not there for me. So it revealed to him for one, he loves being strong and supportive. Right? At first, when I said I was leaving, and I it was like, oh my gosh, how am I gonna survive? And I'm like, what? How are you gonna survive? And now it's like, oh, this is fun, I can do this. Right? So it's it's amazing how uh just this refusal to let yourself uh let go of things is actually keeping someone in patterns with us. We're not alone in experiencing the effects of everything we're thinking and the way that we're seeing. You know, there was the uh, and of course, none of this was wrong because all of the experiences are coordinated, all of these perceptions are coordinated for undoing things and for seeing patterns that are playing out and exposing these patterns that are being played out so we can see them and not play them out as long. We're talking about patterns that have been played out for generations, people don't see them through lifetimes and keep on playing them out because tradition, for one, you don't all of a sudden break up a marriage that's been going good for 30 years, right? That's the tradition, that's the traditional way of looking at it, and there seems to be some backlash from some family members for sure. It's like I've gone crazy. I have let go of the guy who is the guy that all women are dreaming of.

SPEAKER_07: 41:34

This is a story.

unknown: 41:37

What did you say?

SPEAKER_08: 41:38

This is the story, yeah, yeah. He even looks good. I was commenting last year, you know, he even looks better than Tom Cruise right now. Of course, Tom Cruise, you know. Yeah, so it's not like I ditched an old man or something like that. He's a cute fucking dude. And you know, that just that just makes it more um obvious. It's like this just can't go on. We can't go on. Institutionalizing is one word that comes up for me. Kind of like this sanitary-looking thing where you make this, you know, I'm like, I want to go deep. I'm going deep. You're gonna be my partner, you're going deep with me. What? Deep dive, deep dive. That's right. I do deep diving, right? Uh if I'm, you know, if I'm uh partners with someone, we're going deep. It's not gonna be this concept of love that I came up with when I was 21 years old, right? I may I came up with this concept like if they do this and they check this box and this and this and this, then that's it.

SPEAKER_12: 42:56

That's it. I got the right one.

SPEAKER_08: 42:58

That's the person, that's the catch. Right? But then we start playing out our patterns. It's like there's this uh pattern that's been instilled uh in my psyche that to survive, I need to be helpful. So then I keep on being more and more and more helpful until I feel like this uh, where's the support? Right? And it's and when it was released, it was like, ah, I just recognized where my support was coming from, and it was like it had to build up to that level to make it to where there was uh this great willingness to be released from it all at once. Just ah, I don't have those burdens anymore, and it's amazing how the people in the field change too. It's like my husband starts doing things uh more, going to markets, um uh propping up the business more. Seems like he's doing it way better than I was. Go figure. I'm glad about that. Uh uh, you know, I'm glad about that. Let, you know, let people who who are having that as their guidance, that hasn't been uh my guidance, you know, and that's one thing I was going through when I was working my business, just exactly what I'm talking about with you guys. Why am I not doing the thing that's the most inspiring and uplifting right now? Like as I'm working on it and noticing the feelings that are coming up, having the experience, really having the experience. So, in this way, I'm able to see what's holding me back. There's a thought that my husband is holding me back. Wait a minute, I propped him up though. So I start to see this more and more how my mind is working, how my mind is building and making things into something that they are not, they're not anything. So as I continued to allow that for myself, you know, I'd feel myself getting like uh feelings of anger and sadness. I'd feel like wet, welling up behind my eyes, like I'm just going to burst out in tears. And I just breathe and feel that and notice. Sometimes I'd come busting out of where I was working and just lash out at my husband. And I'd notice that and go, that's not really about you. I was just dealing with some patterns in there. Thank you for playing.

SPEAKER_07: 45:38

Thank you for helping me see through these things, you know.

SPEAKER_08: 45:41

Yeah, because it's not, it's not true, right? And I was knowing by then because now we're talking, you know, this is uh this is like uh about four or five, six years after the lava, maybe, maybe, right? So I'm now I'm even more practiced in seeing things differently. I went through a long period where my husband seemed to have staff in his leg and wasn't able to move. And for six months, he wasn't able to move at all from the bed or couch. And then uh for another year and a half, he was kind of like a half a dude. Uh, so even the support that seemed to be coming from him that seemed to be like, you know, I got this guy, this is my man, he takes care of all this kind of stuff. And then he seemed to be down. So that was a huge uh learning opportunity for me, healing opportunity, you could say, where I was reflecting to him that he doesn't ever have to be like that again. He could be uh he could he could be staying in bed for the rest of this lifetime and he's still gonna be just as holy and worthy and loved. Right? So it then it was it was up to me to see that for myself. And then once I can share that and extend it authentically, then I'm really receiving that benefit for myself, you know, because anything other than that instills fear. You know, thoughts would come up like, why doesn't he just take a fucking antibiotic and get it over with? Uh lay around like this, and you know, I'd look at that thought and see that's a meaningless thought, right? And honor his process. The dude just went through the sense like uh his uh everything he worked for was gone, his place just went under the lava.

SPEAKER_09: 47:44

Yeah, the whole thing, yeah.

SPEAKER_08: 47:46

The whole thing, it disappeared. We went back out there, it's a great ocean view now. The path of the lavos really was wide enough to give it a 180-degree ocean view.

SPEAKER_09: 48:00

Yeah, badass, right, whacked it happen.

SPEAKER_08: 48:07

Uh no, we couldn't you couldn't get in there to watch it happen, but after I'll show you some photos. It looks awesome. Oh yeah, there was footage on TV for sure.

unknown: 48:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12: 48:22

Your exact house?

SPEAKER_08: 48:23

Oh no, I didn't get to watch it on on TV. No, no, I got to see the river and I got to see the huge uh fissure. It was like 200 feet in the air. I got to go up close to those, but they weren't near my house at that time. I was actually on the mainland when it was taken. Yeah. Yeah. So so when I I knew like when it was coming, I knew that there was gonna be lots of opportunities. There was gonna be lots of healing opportunities, people around me with with PTSD and different stuff like that. My family seemed to be tripping out, and it was like, oh, this is the opportunity. This is the this is the moment. And really, we're getting opportunities all day long. But uh, like I've been talking about for many years, you got to take the small opportunities because none of them are actually small. Yes, some of them just seem like they're easier, which is great. Most of them seem like they're easier, so easy, in fact, that you just let them go right back into the unconscious mind without healing them. All upsets are equal, thank you. That's right. So we get many little upsets all day long, because the unwatched mind stays hidden through a layer of fear, right? It's like it's it's like it's painful to go in there because there's fear of punishment, there's fear of shame, there's fear of seeing what you're not watching, right? But that layer of fear, once you recognize that's only the ego, you're not afraid to watch anymore. That's why it says in the Bible, yay, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. That's the shadow of death walking through your mind, the valley of the shadow of death. And you know, Jesus has been talking about how it's the source of fright. So of course it's gonna be fearful in there. It's the source of fright. It's just that you don't need to be afraid. When you're afraid and you don't look, that's when the source of fright makes you afraid and makes it seem like you're afraid of something in the world.

SPEAKER_12: 50:53

Yeah, something outside of self.

SPEAKER_08: 50:56

That's right.

SPEAKER_12: 50:57

Not happening.

SPEAKER_08: 50:59

You're never upset for that. So I'll give you an example. Here's a really fun example. I saw it on Facebook. I love Facebook for these things. There's a little bit of collective consciousness kind of action. Also, it's reflecting my own mind. Uh, what's one of them? I'm disappointed in President Trump. Saw that one come across my feed. I was like, okay, you could just stop with I'm disappointed, and you can. There's a wealth of treasure with I'm disappointed.

SPEAKER_12: 51:30

You disappoint them in so many things.

SPEAKER_08: 51:32

Yes, you're gonna be disappointed in so many things, right? You stop with oh, and even stop there. I'm disappointed. See that differently. There's disappointment. See how that changes it? You're not identified with disappointment. That's a thought, that's an energy that comes from outside of yourself. You're not capable of disappointment. Right? So you're buying into an illusion when you believe that you are disappointed, and then you're buying into a double illusion that it's because of something. Got another email. The state of Hawaii is in crisis. Something the governor is doing. And it's like, who is making this relevant?

SPEAKER_02: 52:31

I don't feel in crisis, she says.

SPEAKER_08: 52:34

Who is making what the governor? He looks just like a puppet. Who is so interested in what the governor is doing? You you you know, you must be believing that the system is a reality, that you didn't just project that system. So it can seem to oppress you. The system itself is not a reality. It's a it's not it's never an emergency. Uh, but you know, when you're uh when you're in activism, and I know from experience now, I'm so happy about that. COVID, thank you, COVID, many gifts. Uh you know, there's this, there are all these hooks. One relationship with other activists, they're expecting you to do shit. There's obligation, you should be at that rally. If you're not, you're supporting the other side, right? Uh also just this pull to identify with it. So, you know, I did it differently. I I was in when I was in activism, I was having COVID dialogues instead of wisdom dialogues because it was all COVID all the time. It was really fun, you know, and how this is giving us an opportunity to play. Like, notice like all these lies are coming up and meeting all of them with truth, noticing that that none of these things are true, right? Uh, getting banned from YouTube for a little while. Uh, contagion for one, let's question contagion in the first place. Really? Body to body, really, yeah, come on, right? For years and years, even before Course in Miracles or anything, I was already uh conditioned to uh see contagion way different from anyone else. I didn't believe in it. I didn't believe it was possible. I was like, are you kidding me? Plus, I had seen the science, I had seen some of the scientific uh uh studies that they've done where everyone everyone is hawking loogies in each other's mouths like sick people to uh healthy people, and couldn't prove a link there. So that being the case, that makes no sense, right? It's more like mind energy uh regulates to each other and comes up with dis-ease. Okay, it's like we feel each other and we regulate to each other, so it's like if your uh if your energy field is vibrating a certain to a certain frequency, no dis-ease can get in. It doesn't work that way because it comes from your mind. That's where the dis-ease is coming from. See, so uh so we're we're going through these different apparent roles that we play, whether they be in society or in relationships, you know, mother, child, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, all those kinds of things. And they're not to be despised, right? It's not it's not like for uh pretending I'm not playing this role. I'm playing, you know, if you're playing a role, man, just be all in about it. Right? It's like it, it's like we're we're all going through these uh appearances just so that we can see truly. And when we recognize that's what they're for, we're just like children playing. We're having fun. We're noticing our patterns, we're seeing our patterns come up, and we're having fun, and we're being playful and loving with it. Okay, I was telling my husband when I was talking to him uh last night. Um, I talked to him often. A fun reflection, really fun reflection. And I go, man, I would not put up with that shit that I was putting up with from 2014 to 2018, right now. And he's like, Oh, good, I'm glad about that. You see, it doesn't help anyone, it does and it doesn't. Let's say everything is helpful, 100% helpful 100% of the time, but you need not learn anymore through pain, right? It's like I would come into the house and witness the air in the house, the gossip going on with employees and my husband. I'm like, whoa, I I'm amazed, and noticing, you know, feeling in that into that dynamic, how I was also learning so much, and I didn't need to be in the house. I would stay outside in a beautiful garden and do all and let that be a container for this deep spiritual practice that didn't seem to be understood by anyone that was being ridiculed everywhere, but the spirit guidance was true. It was keep going in this direction, this is the true direction, and I could sense it. I knew it was leading me to a point of seeing that none of this stuff is even here. It got it allowed me to see through so much pain and tension and familial relationships in all kinds of different ways. So it was a perfect kind of structure for that, and ultimately seeing through what was necessary to keep the structure, ultimately noticing the kind of self-sacrifice that was going on. But it's almost like you're peeling them layer by layer by layer, noticing them, just peeling layer by layer by layer, noticing these different patterns. Also noticed uh spiritual bypassing. Um, not in a way of saying it like it's a bad thing or anything like that. Spiritual bypassing for a time can be protective so you don't see the things, so that you could play out the pattern so you could see more. It's always orchestrated perfectly. So I got into uh a dynamic where I was heal hearing my mind say to this person in reaction to the way they were relating with me, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. So here's where I noticed later on the spiritual bypassing coming in, it was going. Going, hey, I don't want to be like, fuck you to him. I want to be sweet to him. Right? Which is true. I want to be sweet to him. And that fuck you and fuck off, too, by the way. That's coming out. Is like going, don't go any deeper there emotionally. Don't invest any deeper there emotionally. Right? And part of what we're doing when we're investing deeper there is like this false hope. It's fun that my name is Hope. Like this false hope that somehow it's gonna go differently. You've seen this pattern spin already. You've seen it spin around. And it's like I see blaming of the dudes for this. I see that this a lot. I'm seeing this coming up a lot. The women are blaming the dudes, and they're not to blame, it's not like that. They don't really know what they're doing. No one knows they're doing this to you. Right? Because it's your script that they're reading out. So it's like, yes, the fuck you and fuck off. It's like, stop looking at them like that.

SPEAKER_10: 1:01:33

Right?

SPEAKER_08: 1:01:34

They're gonna play it out in a way that is not uh in alignment with your truth, let's say. They're gonna play that out. Right? It's like showing me right like really early on, fuck you, but the spiritual bypassing is okay, being sweet to this person. And I feel like, oh, okay, oh, a connection. Oh, so sweet. We could be sweet without going into it. We could be sweet without being emotionally uh emo, let's say emotionally accessible. I don't want to say available because I like to be emotionally available to everyone all the time, but accessible in that way where you go deep into, oh uh, it's not really true, anyways. So you could play it out with the ones who uh your mind isn't going, fuck you, fuck you, dude. You know, I know it seems hard to like pull away, but you know, just keep on it. It it also feels really relieving, like it's almost like a breath of fresh air, like it's really refreshing. It's like, oh and I could see how people get trapped in patterns of abuse. Not saying anyone's abusive, not at all, not at all. Patterns of abuse, where you just feel this, oh it doesn't need to be like that. Could be much gentler than that. The thing is, it's like leaving your energy field open for that. There's only so many people you can interact with at once. Or in a over a lifetime, let's say. It's like leaving your energy field open. Leaving an opening for that. So many times we close ourselves off, we settle for mediocre or abusive. I'm gonna say abusive relation, relating. If your mind's saying fuck you and fuck off to the person, uh what I saw is that that's telling you you're entering into abusive, an abusive dynamic. Get out, get the fuck out now. Right. I saw that um, I saw that. I don't know if my friend at some point I'm gonna ask her, but I saw a look on her face one time where when I read it, my my uh my interpretation was she was telling me, get the fuck away from him right now. Right. And it's like all these, all these are, you know, coming from our own mind. We can feel it, we can sense it. And it's just like, it's not to like reject the person, say they're a bad person or anything like that, but it's like stop going into that deeply emotional, open uh realm with them like that. You know, go back up, back up as you know, feel with them as you would with your brother or your sister or anyone. This is becoming a special relationship. And I'm not saying special relationships are bad. Okay, we get this, uh we develop these uh these attractions and connections and uh attachments, let's say attachments with people that we become close with. Those can be used by the Holy Spirit, right? Not all of them is it are are the dynamic that you need to stay in, otherwise that you thought you needed to learn through pain. Right, and you know, there's there's the pain of of uh of seeing, oh my goodness, this is not the person I've been projecting them to be. This is a totally different thing that's going on here. There's a pain of seeing that, you know, because it's because we love our projections, like, oh, so cute, perfect, perfect, yeah, and then we love our projections to just like to pull back and recognize that all of the good feelings that you're projecting onto them, the good times you've had together, that's you liking uh the way you were. That's the way you are still. We're all that, so we're allowing ourselves to have that now. It's like all of that goodness, all of that love that's shared, all of that depth, that remains with us. We do not need the person hanging around, we don't need a body to be present hanging around, certainly to extend love, to see them whole and holy. And oftentimes it's helpful not to see the body around, to see them in a more loving light. See that to see them accurately, accurately without their body, that's right, without the body, that's it. To me, it seemed like uh this body was making my body real. Right? It's like there in you know, in seeing that there's no need for that, there's no need for that dynamic, it doesn't need to go forward anymore. It's like ah you know, it's not a sign that something's wrong, that the mind is going, fuck you, and fuck off. It's not a sign that something's wrong, it's like look here. You're going in a direction that's painful. You're letting your mind go into a direction that's painful. Look here. See and I was like, I'm all in.

SPEAKER_10: 1:07:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08: 1:08:04

Yes, I would love it. So so Natalie's asking if I'll help her see through a dynamic with her partner.

SPEAKER_09: 1:08:12

Okay, so with the the fuck you energy, yeah. So I feel like that arises a lot. Um it feels like it would be authentic for me to reveal to him that I had been thinking fuck you thoughts. Yeah. Surely he can feel the effects of that.

SPEAKER_08: 1:08:31

Okay, so you are you passive aggressive? Is that why?

SPEAKER_09: 1:08:35

Um, I think just on that mental level where it's like he's gotta be sensing the times in my first several hours thinking like fuck you fit, you know, thoughts. Right?

SPEAKER_08: 1:08:48

Um, yeah, they can feel you when you're thinking like that.

SPEAKER_09: 1:08:52

So it's like, okay, then I'll do something mentally where it's like I'm making miracle or something, right? I'm like, oh god, this is crazy. It can't be about him. Uh-huh. But occasionally I'll feel like I want to at least let him know what has been going on. Like, hey, I'll just let you know all day I was kind of thinking some crazy stuff about you, but I took him to the truth. And then I'll be like, oh, well, what were those? You know, and so the times were done like divulge that doesn't seem helpful. Like it's like it's just sort of like seem like I'm always doing stuff in secret. All these secret things, even processing and even bringing it to the truth. Right. I'm gonna try to reveal to him that I've been trying to see his innocence. He doesn't seem to be able to take that in, and he just wants to more know what those negative thoughts were, and forget about that.

SPEAKER_12: 1:09:52

And yeah, be honest, he doesn't seem to be able to take that in, and then I didn't hear the next part. He doesn't get what innocence means. Right.

SPEAKER_08: 1:10:02

He doesn't get that, he doesn't want to hear about how she's been uh perceiving thoughts about him and kind of like uh you know, he might perceive it as battling those thoughts, but bringing those thoughts to the truth, right? And recognizing he hasn't done anything. Uh, but if he hasn't done anything, why do you want to tell him about it?

SPEAKER_09: 1:10:26

Just because it seems like I spend so much of my day like, who will work in these fucking thoughts? And it just seems like it all secret is that I'm all doing it in secret. So it would be, it just seems occasionally like it'd be refreshing to just be like, hey, guess what I was doing all day? You know, like it feels like a success. Like I oh my god, let a lot go.

SPEAKER_12: 1:10:50

That you want to share with him. Yeah, that's real what you're really thinking, right?

SPEAKER_08: 1:10:55

Yeah, so you're looking you're looking for connection with him so you can share how you're going through your day, how you're dealing with thoughts that are saying, fuck you toward him, right? Yeah, and so did you notice your mind going toward caring for him? Like how can you be helpful? Did you notice that happening?

SPEAKER_09: 1:11:16

No, it still seems like there's a block there.

SPEAKER_08: 1:11:19

Yeah, so it's so this is kind of like what Jesus was talking about in the beginning of chapter two, I think. Circular forgiveness. It just keeps on happening again and again and again, where you have to forgive these thoughts that are saying fuck you at your partner, instead of recognizing it as a call for love. When you recognize it as a call for love, he's gonna feel you're sharing like that because it's more like, show me how to be helpful, show me how to help heal his heart, right? Because that's what you want. You want to see through in a way where you're helping to heal his heart at the same time, you know, also noticing what are these fuck you thoughts saying? What's underlying? Is it saying, is it, is it saying, uh, now it's time for you to move on from this relationship? I'm not giving you any advice in one way or the other. What I'm saying to look at is what are the reasons that are automatically coming up that are telling you that you're keeping this relationship? They automatically pop up. Yeah, I could tell you right away what mine was. The sex was great.

unknown: 1:12:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08: 1:12:34

Right? It's like it's like, uh, what is it, you know? And and you see it, and then uh, and then eventually, oh, well, the sex isn't that good.

SPEAKER_09: 1:12:46

You have a transactional vibe for server. It's like, oh, you're maintaining, you're doing the lawn work, you're doing house maintenance stuff, and yeah, it feels like there's uh hook there. It's like a trans.

SPEAKER_08: 1:13:00

Okay, yeah. So so that's good. Transactional energy. That's good to see that coming out. So that's a transactional energy underneath it. And I can totally can someone turn that off. What is that?

SPEAKER_02: 1:13:12

No one looks to turn it off. Thank you. I don't want to just start, it still stops. So thank you. Okay, it was way down, it was like, oh, let me go for it.

SPEAKER_08: 1:13:20

Huh, okay.

SPEAKER_11: 1:13:23

Anywho, transactional energy.

SPEAKER_12: 1:13:33

So much what you actually connect on. What's your real connection about? You know, because there is a real connection, and what is the real connection about? I would first focus there before get into what what what he's what he what's what's not happening. Can't get the idea of innocence. Maybe the words need to be different. He does start he does study some form of spirituality, so what would his words be for that, you know? We know it is innocence, which does he call it.

SPEAKER_08: 1:14:04

Yes, that's something to open up to for sure.

SPEAKER_09: 1:14:07

Yeah, I've had conversations lately where it's like, okay, well, what are we really connecting on? And so it does seem like um uh it's being filtered through the ego. So it's like, well, yeah, we actually don't connect on this, we don't connect on this. Why? So, you know, so then we come up with like, well, do we really want to stay together?

SPEAKER_08: 1:14:31

Type of thing. And then and then I hear someone moaning. Okay, she's saying she's coming up with, well, do we really want to stay together? And someone's like, Oh, like that's so sad, like we might get separated or something like that. And Sandy brought up uh that she would uh want to focus first on what is it that holds us together. Um, so uh, so the reason why I'm going to the most obvious thing that's coming up is what is making me stay in this? Because the mind is going, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. What is it? Because that's what's underlying that saying I'm pulling on this, right? And it and whatever time you look at, okay, well, how is this, how is this working? How are we connecting? Anything like that. It's just in the moment where the where the fuck you thoughts, okay, where are they coming from? Where do I feel trapped right now? Well, how am I feeling trapped? Because when you're when you're let go of the trap that says you need this person for the transaction that you're doing to help you live your life, to help you be in your house, to help you have things safe, whatever it is, that's automatically making you into a victim of them. You know, it's it's it if you have uh if you have things that you're uh connecting on, and you do if you're connecting at all, if you're interacting at all, you have things that you're connecting on, you're not even gonna be able to see those because of setting it up as a transactional relationship. That's what I notice. Anytime I've been uh transactional with a person, that has been has uh really fractured the relationship because now it feels like I'm I'm trapped in this.

SPEAKER_12: 1:16:18

You know, I can't see my way through their victim and their mind because we're in a box together of need. Box of need. Yeah, and the minute we're in a box together of need, we want out. Yes, that's the free uh free myself. I can pay for this service no matter what it costs. I have the money, you know, pay for the maintenance. Yes, but that you know, tell yourself that is the truth. You can, you know, you're not trapped in any way, not at all.

SPEAKER_08: 1:16:44

That's the thing to see, is it is that you're not trapped. Then it's like you can meet the person in truth. See, so the situation, like it's like uh, you know, like for me, it was the sense like, where am I gonna get something like that again?

unknown: 1:17:01

Right?

SPEAKER_08: 1:17:01

Where am I gonna get that kind of sweet sweetness again? That was the underlying thought. So once I saw that thought, and that thought didn't have anywhere to play in the unconscious, it was like, oh, this is not something that I want to play out. Or it might be different. It might be, oh, this is this is something that that's that's feels good, that's worthy. I I love it. I loved being uh in this dynamic. This is really fun, you know, but allowing yourself to be uh with whomever it is that the most is the most inspiring and uplifting for you, too. And you know, uh one thing you can notice is maybe being with yourself, just being with Jesus alone is the most inspiring and uplifting. That's what I find for myself in this point in time. That's the most inspiring and uplifting.

SPEAKER_12: 1:17:54

It's like and he represents your relationship with Jesus. Yes, this is the holy relationship. Yeah, the being represents this person represents your relationship with Jesus. That's what a holy relationship is. They stand for that.

SPEAKER_08: 1:18:07

Everyone and everyone does. She's saying that this being represents your relationship with with Jesus, so every relationship, it's like one relationship represents your relationship with Jesus, really.

SPEAKER_12: 1:18:24

Everyone.

SPEAKER_08: 1:18:24

So it's like uh you're able to treat everyone with kindness and also directness. Oh, what's that? What is that bringing up for you? You know, uh the sense that I get is that when you go to talk with him about it, it's like you want him to see how hard you're working and what you're going through for him and to be grateful that you're doing all that. Oh my goodness, honey, thank you so much. I would like to give you a foot massage after you have battled and gone through all those thoughts all day long, you know. Or or or I see, I know what you're going through. I've been going through that kind of stuff too, at the same time, right? I've been going through those kinds of things too. Come here, how can I help? Well, not everyone is willing to see at that point at this at this time. So it's a matter of noticing uh what is the most uplifting and inspiring for me right now? What you know, what is you know, it says, God's will for me is perfect happiness. Right? So when I was dealing with thoughts like that with my husband, I was uh I was noticing thoughts projecting, and the way I saw them is that the thoughts that were projecting were hurting him. So my mind changed to show me how I could help him. Heal his heart. I could see like almost like they were arrows going into his heart. Right. And once I saw that, and I was shown how to help heal his heart within my own mind, I saw that the relationship wasn't for me in that form anymore. It was like it and and immediately at this time. At this second. Thank you.

SPEAKER_12: 1:20:25

And but what you even said last time we were here, that who knows, maybe gonna get back together in another moment. You never know. We that's right because we you could have just come apart to heal certain things. That's right. Certain patterns, and like that. And if you look at the patterns, if you're into healing with him, the things you want to say he's guilty for and keep looking at his innocence, you'll see what he's teaching you, what his presence gives you in it.

SPEAKER_09: 1:20:50

Well, that that is another aspect too. Um, because I think it is interesting to do this work. Um a bunch of times I've told him I'm like, Well, you're actually being really useful because you're bringing up all this stuff in me. Um and so sometimes it seems like he hears that, and other times he's like, Well, I don't want to be used, I don't want to be useful enough. Yeah, I'd rather be useful in you see me as a sexy sex god and I'm fulfilling your want and desires. Yeah, I'd rather be seen like that if you don't mind. But it's like so useful.

SPEAKER_08: 1:21:26

You're yeah, so I I've heard that I've heard this before. I've heard this before too, and it it's always taken this way. It's like you're so useful to me because you're bringing up all this stuff for me. It's kind of like a jab, right? It's kind of like a jab. It's like it, it's it's like, oh yeah, you'll be I'm getting negative from you, yeah.

SPEAKER_12: 1:21:48

And that's really scary to a person. Yeah, yeah, it's not it. I think he understands really unknown. Okay. What you're really saying.

SPEAKER_09: 1:21:56

Yeah, I can say, no, I can see where it would bring up beer for sure.

SPEAKER_08: 1:22:00

And I could feel that too. Like, I wouldn't be interested in in being used like that either, right?

SPEAKER_09: 1:22:05

It's like it's like totally feel this, right?

SPEAKER_08: 1:22:08

Yeah, right. You're yeah, you're using me to uh basically replay the same thought all day, yeah, yeah, right. And attack yourself and hurt yourself, and I don't want to do that.

unknown: 1:22:20

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_08: 1:22:21

I don't want to be, yeah, I don't want to, yeah. So so you see, you you see, it's like you're you you're getting caught up in this idea that healing needs to take a long time and these repetitive thoughts over and over again. It's like when that thought comes in and recognizing that that's a meaningless thought, you don't have to keep on pursuing it. In that moment, right there. I mean, this is the present moment where that thought arises that you're you got a projection toward him. That thought is a meaningless thought. Show me past it. See, the circular miracles is where you get caught releasing blame. Basically, you're releasing blame all day. Yeah, right. So you're you're caught up releasing blame all day. That's what Jesus is saying for to you. He needs to have your mind clear and ready for real miracles that collapse time. So forgiveness beforehand. That's how it is for me. I see the fuck you thought comes come up, and I recognize that's got nothing to do with him, right? And that that's got nothing to do. So it's not gonna keep on going all day long like that, right? Keep on attacking, attacking, attacking. It'll come back again, it'll circle back around again until I recognize okay, not only does it have anything to do with him, but it also means I don't need to be in this dynamic anymore.

SPEAKER_12: 1:23:45

I don't have to keep going over and over and over.

SPEAKER_08: 1:23:47

Yes, I don't need to keep on going over it either. Yes, but what is the eagle?

SPEAKER_12: 1:23:52

You have touch them, by the way.

SPEAKER_09: 1:23:53

I want to against many, there's several that's just one. Yeah, it can be just little annoyances throughout the day of like I told him a million times. Yeah, I'm just put the garbage in the back of my car so it doesn't stink, and here he comes again, just throwing shit in there, yeah. My car all stinky.

SPEAKER_08: 1:24:12

So so little irritations like he's throwing the carp garbage in the back of the car, making it stinky, you know. Uh, you know, it's just like, gosh, after she's told him, after she's told him a million times. So uh in whatever this transactional thing is, anyways, he totally sucks at it from what you've been sharing, you know, his his side of the transaction. So you must you must have another reason because if he's putting stinky trash in the car, uh there's something else. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02: 1:24:45

There's like it, yeah.

SPEAKER_08: 1:24:48

Not really that transactional there. It's kind of like yeah, it's kind of like showing you, okay, here's here's how I show up in the tr in this transaction. Here's here's how I show up in this transaction. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_09: 1:25:00

So like, oh yeah, you put it in a nice floor, but the bunch of pieces are dinged up, and you know, so and I'm like, God, this is like so persistent. I mean, obviously, I know it's coming from my own mind. Yeah, well, because setting it up towards like, oh, the transactional stuff, or it seems like I'm getting something, and you know, ends up turning to shit anyway. Yeah, I'm finding imperfections and everything, and that irritate me.

SPEAKER_08: 1:25:24

And yeah, be released of the transaction of the transactional stuff. Know that you're supported by the love of God, you're always supported by the love of God. You do not need any of these transactions. This is not true. As you perceive yourself going through this sense that you need the transaction, bring that part of it to the truth. You do not need this. There's nothing, there's nothing that you need here. This is another way, a really common way, we're getting trapped in dynamics because we believe we need the transactional energy that they bring. I see this a lot in uh in the workforce. When I used to be in the workforce, people had the strangest relationships with the boss. Right. So afraid. Yeah, so afraid that he's gonna fire them if they're authentic. Right? Right. Uh, you know, meanwhile, people thought I was having an affair with the boss because I was just completely authentic with him about everything. Transparent.

SPEAKER_12: 1:26:33

You have nothing to hide.

SPEAKER_08: 1:26:34

Yeah, because there's nothing to lose. Because any anything, him firing me from a job is always a blessing. I'm not afraid of getting fired from a job. I'm not afraid of losing a friendship or anything like that. I don't get sentimental like that. Right? Because there's no uh there's no benefit to anything except for the benefit that serves our one joint purpose and function. And that's forgiveness. That's what all and that leads to healing. It's healing the mind. That's all anything is for. So any of these other things, that's where the that's where the ego thoughts are coming in, telling you that you need certain dynamics, especially for survival. And to me, this sounds like survival, right? It's like, how would I it would go to being really hard? At least he puts the garbage in the car at all.

SPEAKER_01: 1:27:38

I don't know if that's worth it because then you got to clean your car, it sounds like afterwards.

SPEAKER_12: 1:27:43

Gosh. So, how do you connect with him? Can you can you get into oneness together? You know, that's the question. Can you read the higher end of it? Beyond the garbage, beyond all that, beyond all those secret things.

SPEAKER_08: 1:27:55

Yeah, do you go into that deep space with him?

SPEAKER_12: 1:27:58

That you know what you want, yeah, as far as I'm concerned.

SPEAKER_08: 1:28:01

Yeah, the garbage wouldn't matter. You wouldn't, you wouldn't need see the thing is you don't need a thought that tells you that you that he's transactional. You don't even need that thought that tells you that you, you know, you need this stuff. Uh it's like when you're uh let's say when you're in alignment with someone, when your mind is in alignment with someone, you don't need reasons to hang out with them.

SPEAKER_02: 1:28:32

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_08: 1:28:32

You do need it's like it's so it's so inspiring and uplifting to join with them that you need no reasons to hang out with them. Garbage in the car, no problem. I'm grateful for the opportunity because we go deep together, and you know it's this alignment, right? You're not gonna have a thing like that.

SPEAKER_12: 1:28:58

I remember when he was sitting here on the couch with you, you were holding hands at one point. You know, you were very close at one point. I want to watch that, and then we've seen you actually together sitting in the room with me. So I noticed that. I didn't notice.

SPEAKER_09: 1:29:13

Yeah, I guess another dynamic I notice is um where it's like, oh, yeah, like I feel inspired to like really love on him. So it always seems like something is just a little off where it's like, well, then he's uh going through something where he's got some like low self-esteem and is feeling really bummed out about himself so that it doesn't seem like he'll be able to receive, where it's like, oh now I really do want to honor you, and you know, when he's sweet, yeah, then he's not in the mood to receive it, you know. So we have a funny.

SPEAKER_08: 1:29:48

So you're not lining up, yeah.

SPEAKER_09: 1:29:50

So I know this is a good thing.

SPEAKER_08: 1:29:52

Yeah. So so another scenario is she's ready to give to him at certain times, and then at that time he's not open to receiving, right? He's he's he's feeling closed off.

SPEAKER_12: 1:30:05

And is that a familiar pattern to you? You know, have you seen that before? Yeah, that's and you know it's your pattern, right?

SPEAKER_09: 1:30:12

And that's why it's sometimes it seems easier. It's like, oh my god, I just needed to like and look back and like, oh man, I had 10 years of not having a partner. It's like Yeah, that was kind of a nice respite because you you realize that these patterns are your own. It's just like still, I can't work through this, you know.

SPEAKER_08: 1:30:32

Like it seems Well, it's not like it's not like you can't work through this, you're just trying to hold on to a body. That's what I see. You're just trying to hold on to this body. It, you know, truly love is more like, you know, when love in action is more like an open hand, right? It's like I don't need to uh I don't need to attach to this body. It's like here along comes a body, and now they're uh helping out around the house and stuff like that. It's like not seeing them that way, truly allowing it to evolve, making no decisions, even whether they're gonna be there tomorrow or you're gonna be in this relationship tomorrow, just letting it show you, letting it flow. And and you know, if it seems to be taking a long time, if it seems to be taking a long time to play out, remember time is in under the command of the Holy Spirit. Everything's being orchestrated perfectly. You don't need to jump into anything. You know, this is not this is not saying that you need to jump in, just in noticing where you're attaching. It's like you're putting these uh these chords onto this body, onto this relationship to try to hold it into a certain view and play a certain role with it, just letting it be fluid, just let it flow how it does, uh, coming and going. And you know, if you if you notice yourself being in attachment, just be watching the attachments, noticing what the underlying fear is. This fear of being alone, this fear of not having help. This is no reason to be sleeping with someone. It isn't, it is not a reason. Fear of not getting uh what you need in the world is not a reason to be sleeping with someone, it is by how the world would teach it. It is by how that yes, definitely. It is by how that, but and and believe me, I know that that programming is very deep, which you know it's it all it takes though is willingness to see through. There's no need, you know. Joining in truth is joining as two whole beings, do not need one another. It's the neediness that makes it seem like these relationships are whole so hard. When you don't need, when you recognize you don't need, you only just interact, you're only having interaction. There's no relationship besides these interactions that are arising in the moment. So you're just having these interactions.

SPEAKER_12: 1:33:05

What I get from the book is that we only need each other for one thing, and that is to remind each other of who we really are when we enter our ego and believe we're our body, or we believe our pain, or we believe this story, or believe this incident, that I need another person to really wake me up when I get stuck in this ego illusion. So we need each other for that reason. That's what I understand from reading a course in rebel setting it. When I enter my ego, I need another person to tell me it's not the truth. I am in my story, I am in my ego, and that I can wake up now.

SPEAKER_09: 1:33:44

I remember reading that in the course and feeling a great deal of fear because it's like, no, I gotta be able to do this on my own. Shit, if I have to rely on other people, you know. Yes. I remember when I first encountered that was your first great deal of fear came up.

SPEAKER_08: 1:33:59

There's always gonna be other people to reflect it back to you, even if you don't have a romantic relationship. There's always it's one relationship, so you're in relationship with everyone equally. No, I see so it so it's like it's always gonna come up. Hey, so it's gonna so it's gonna it's gonna come up through all of the relationships, it's always gonna show you what it is that is ready to be healed now. It's not to show you where you are, it's not like that. Oh gosh, ho hum, I guess I didn't heal that yet. I'm still working with that. No, it's not for that. It's to reflect to you what can be released right now. You're never uh you're never in the pattern for real. You're watching the pattern from outside the timeline, and everyone's watching the pattern with you from outside the timeline, even if they don't know it. See, so release what you made of people, the roles that you gave them, and just watch how things are playing out. Be in a watchful state, not knowing. That's how it was for me with my husband the whole time. You know, I would notice the thoughts and say, What would I do without him? Right? I would notice those thoughts and uh and and keep keep just go, oh, I see that. That's fear. Yeah, because that's uh that seems like lack of support. Well, over time of watching that thought that I'm lacking support in myself. See, it's like you want to keep two things. You want to keep the concept that you need someone like him around to do this transactional thing, and you need him to change. See? So of course that's gonna be conflict, but really you don't need the transactional thing, and you don't need him to change because you don't need his body. Like Sandy was saying, the only need we have is to see what's true, remind ourselves. I think that's what it means by mighty companion, and we agree to do that for each other, right?

SPEAKER_12: 1:36:18

We agree to be mighty companions to wake each other up. Walk our way home.

SPEAKER_08: 1:36:24

Yeah, and and not everyone you get into romantic relationships is going to be agreeable to that. It's not up to you to change them and try to make them agreeable to you. Just keep on noticing what it is that's drawing you in. What's drawing you into this state with this relationship? What are the underlying thoughts? What are the underlying fears? And see them as meaningless. This idea that you need someone to help you in your life is meaningless. I know that's I know that's hard to see when you're when you're in it, um, but that's the one that I saw through last year. And man, is that a relief? Wow. Okay, I got some comments here. Uh, we're always having a relationship with ourselves. There isn't another, yes. And everyone that we perceive is reflecting our oneself. It's been called versions of ourselves. Uh the uh this offers a clearer look at our own patterns being projected. From this view, you will treat yourself as him differently. And maybe means and him differently. Yeah, because it because it's all ourself. It's all our oneself. That's why when I was willing to let my thoughts go in thought to healing my husband's mind in the face of the projections, I finally saw them clearly enough to see that I didn't want them anymore. Then things shifted. There was a huge shift, even in how I was going to be supported. Just recognizing this, recognizing that I'm supported and sustained by the love of God was so strong that there was no evidence in the world that could convince me otherwise. Everyone's fears, whatever. Uh, he's playing his role perfectly. This is Wayne, for you to evolve your own patterns. Once evolved, you can make another choice. I would call it mind training too. It's mind training. So you see, uh, that's why Jesus talks about sorting out what you like from what you don't like. I don't like this pattern. Oh, oh, that's great to know. Right. That's because you don't have to play it out anymore. You actually don't have to play into that dynamic anymore. Hey, I don't like this.

SPEAKER_12: 1:38:43

Yeah. Completed it.

SPEAKER_08: 1:38:44

I've completed it. I've completely seen through it.

SPEAKER_12: 1:38:46

You want to look for, which ones are no longer what you want to go through.

SPEAKER_08: 1:38:51

And then and then Wayne says, once evolved, you can make another choice and the pattern won't occur again with someone else. Right. And you know, be playful with it. It may have to play out a few times. It's okay. Be playful with it. That's the thing. And don't don't turn into the don't go into that question that says, why am I not more evolved? Yeah, that's I mean, other people give me that perception. Oh, really? Oh, yeah, you hadn't evolved past that yet. And I'm like, Yeah, thanks. I know that's my mind. I know that's my mind playing that out. It's like, it's like, yeah, uh, yeah, apparently so. And if you've evolved past that, thank you for walking ahead.

SPEAKER_12: 1:39:36

The holy relationship is the fastest track to getting back to who you really are. So it does bring up a lot of stuff, even if if your partner doesn't understand that, this is really, of course, as you're pointing out, beneficial. Uh-huh. Beneficial. See it without him in that way. As you're seeing it now, these are pieces that you've wanted to heal for years that he's bringing out, and he's going to. Still stay there because he's a committed partner, no matter what he's committed to, in the sense he may be committed to your body as opposed to your purpose. That maybe you should really come up with in the holy relationship. The first thing to establish is what is your purpose together? You know, maybe that's where you should start. You know, find out how can we agree on what is our purpose together? What would we like to think of as? What inspirational statement would be our purpose? Maybe we start there, and that will make it even more what I would call uh awakening to you. Like you see what it's for.

SPEAKER_08: 1:40:35

What is our purpose together? That's what Sandy's talking about. So uh, yes. What are we what are we doing? What are we in this for? Uh what what do what are we here for? You know, I had that conversation with my husband way back. It's kind of like, well, what do you want? Uh, you know, to us, I, you know, at that point it was like, well, uh, want a uh a nice loyal partner. I don't know exactly what I said, kids, this kind of stuff, you know, and we're saying what we want. And it's like, uh now it's like, uh, what do we want? We want to be in holy relationship, right? And that's like that's an agreement where you're mighty companions with one another. You could be in holy relationship right now with everyone and everything in the one relationship where you're just willing to bring all illusions to the truth and see things truly. Uh, mighty companion is where you have an agreement where you're gonna bring up your patterns together and you're gonna help each other see through them and see the truth. You know, so uh in that case, if he agreed to that, you coming home and going, Oh my gosh, I was projecting you uh uh about you all day long, he would be more like, oh my goodness, are you okay? Gosh, uh that must have been brutal. Right? And and good thing none of those thoughts are true, right? I mean, that's really that's what like a a mighty companionship would look like. It would be like good thing, whoo, are you all right? I I know what it's like to go through that. It's not like how can I change and what can I do and all that kind of stuff. It's like, whoo, come come here, let's make love or something, you know? It's like it's like we just help each other and we remind each other that we're the light. Good thing those thoughts don't really mean anything, and there's only love for you here. There's only love between us here, right? Uh, it takes willingness for someone who wants to meet you like that, though. Someone who's ready to meet you like that. So it's like, is it inspiring and uplifting for you to be hanging out with someone who does not want to meet you like that? No, actually, I look at you as a sex symbol. I like to bang your bod, and I want you to look at me as a sex symbol too. And then it's like, okay, and and if you're if you're going for that, just watch the pattern play. You'll get to see over time that you don't really like that. Yes.

SPEAKER_00: 1:43:11

Um, I really like something you you taught me years ago. And with my partner, I she she oftentimes remembers that this is helpful to me. But when I'm upset, she will ask me, Are you making a mistake in who you take yourself to be? Oh, sweet. Yeah. And it's really, really helpful. I mean, the fact I mean, she she doesn't even want you to ask her that. Uh-huh. You've just learned that I I've suggested that in the past, that she just like, we're walking down the street and I'm upset, and and I maybe suggested, can you ask me this? And then she remembers that. And but like, in my opinion, all this stuff it's just like caught up in a delusion that we're a person. Okay. Like, that you can have a relationship assume separation between two things. And I I would venture to say that it's making a mistake than we take ourselves to be.

SPEAKER_08: 1:44:05

Having a relationship. We're not people.

SPEAKER_00: 1:44:07

Yeah. Yeah. The whole the whole world is that. There's a lot of levels to look at life, and it's always better if you can't go to the next higher level, or or all the way up if you can't. And all the way up, there's no people.

SPEAKER_04: 1:44:18

Yes, ending species is a meaning. Just yes, absolutely. Not not different types of species or genders, actually transcending that. Absolutely. Yeah, thank you.

SPEAKER_08: 1:44:27

Yes, absolutely. And at the same time, this is the the kind of thing, you know, you what you're talking about is what I'm bringing up as a form. It gets used as a form for spiritual bypassing what's being played out in the unconscious. Okay, because for one thing, the whole world is a reflection of the unconscious, including everything. It's a reflection of our unconscious mind. So it is true that yes, the highest truth is true. And it's also true that we believe in the things that are playing out in the unconscious mind. That's why we're having a perception that there are bodies here. See? So it takes willingness to actually watch the unconscious mind. It's one thing to acknowledge there's no bodies, there's no people, there's no relationships, which is why, in the example that I was talking about with the lava coming, I went immediately to that's not my son, that's not my house, right? Okay, because in that moment, that's where it's like, just like boom. And also when there's a relationship pattern, a dynamic playing out that's a habit, it's repetitive, it goes over and over and over again. Eventually, that spiritual bypassing isn't going to work. I'm speaking from experience. I'm totally speaking from experience here. You know, it works for a little while, and it's helpful because it makes a uh uh kind of like a uh a container for learning to that is my function. It's actually to forgive illusions. How can I forgive illusions if I don't look on them because I'm way too high up here, right? So they will multiply in the unconscious and come back and bite you in the ass. That's what they do, right? That's that's that's just how it goes. It'll come up as some kind of suffering, and you know, it's like, yes, you go back to your center. That's why instead of trying to go up, go in. Go in, go within, feel the whole experience, get the whole experience, recognize what's going on. So you could see Jesus talks about this. There's a sorting out period that's sorting out what patterns you like and what patterns you don't. We want to know this. We do want to know this, not just soaring up in the cloud and they're all down here. Yes, that's true. And also, we're meant to sort out, keeping only what we like, keeping only what we like. Yay, right? That everyone is helpful, that doesn't mean everyone is meant for us. Right? It's like, yes, now if they're if we're relating to them right now, 100% helpful 100% of the time. Going forward, that depends on your thinking. That always depends on your thinking. Which thoughts are you using? Is it something that's grippy? Is it is it something that defines a role for you or a role for them? Just notice. And so let your letting your relationships be so much lighter and relaxed because you'll see through the patterns that make them otherwise. Nomi is on. How fun. Okay, I got a few more minutes, so I'm gonna focus on these uh things people wrote to me because I got a lot of writings going on now. Okay, I need a little help giving away clothes that I like but don't wear. I want to find the right place or person to give them away to, but also I want to let the clothes go. I have silk clothes from my grandma that I am keeping because the fabric things, oh, things or am I okay, things of my dad to go through. Uh, I'm about to leave town and I just feel bad. Okay, so you're saying you feel bad. The rest of the stuff doesn't matter. Clothes, no clothes, silk, polyester, whatever. Just want to say I prefer silk. But I feel uh, you know, you're saying I I feel bad. And then you stop there and go, okay, there's a bad feeling. That's all. There's a bad feeling. It's not really about the reason that it seems. No one cares what happens to those clothes in reality. No one, because you know, in truth, and here's like what Urba's point to Urba's point about us being the highest of the high, the truth is no one cares about clothes.

SPEAKER_13: 1:49:27

There are no clothes.

SPEAKER_08: 1:49:28

There are no clothes. The thing is, everything, everything about this world, it's illusory, it cannot satisfy you. Okay, so nothing here can satisfy you, whether it comes, it goes, whatever. The part is I just feel bad. That's a habit. You have a habit of, oh, there's my habit of feeling bad. That's a good way to look at it. Take the clothes out. There's a habit of feeling bad. I'm projecting this feeling right now on my body's energy field. How can I get release from it? You know, it's like you just like asking the right question. It's like instead of uh, okay, this has this is how the ego looks through looks at it. Okay, I need to get this done and over with. Kind of like I need to get this off my desk, and then I'm gonna feel a sense of release, right? Let yourself have the release right now. Uh, so feel bad for not having organized the things. Yeah, this is, and you know what you've shared with me before, this is your pattern. I've seen it myself more than once. You don't have to keep doing this, and and that's just a matter of recognizing what you think you feel bad for, you don't really feel bad for, those thoughts that are telling you that are not true, and just causing you to repeat a pattern that you don't have to do. So overwhelmed by the sentimental attachment to everything. Sentimental attachment, again, is the ego. It's the ego. This nostalgia, you're looking at older things, apparently. Everything's just happening now. It's for the ego to make your life into a drama. As it, if your life is a drama, the ego is winning, okay? Oh, so sentimental value. Oh my goodness. You know, it's like just watch the mind go in that direction. I know when my house was taken by lava, the photo albums didn't make it, like they did not get retrieved. Uh, my whole wedding in '99, that was before anything digital happened, you know. So I was like, all in those wedding of those things. And and it was like, it was just immediately for me, immediate for me to see that none of that stuff means anything, you know, and that just comes from willingness. It's really willingness. This sentimental thing to the ego, it makes the ego feel alive. It's ego alive, it's not really alive. You don't want to be ego alive, you might as well be dead. Okay, none of those things mean anything. They're only useful for helping you see through the illusion. That's what's giving it to you now. Okay. Not to change the subject, just feeling overwhelmed by all the things. No problem. I love it when you change the subject. Just ask whatever it is that's on your mind. It's perfect for me. Uh, not to change the subject that feel but feeling overwhelmed by all the things uh here at the family house I have been living in. Every day I appear to get nothing done. Yay! Yay! Yay! Well, guess what? You don't need to do anything, you never have done anything. The idea, the perception of getting nothing done is great because you can use it to show yourself you've never done anything. Wait a minute, I've never done anything. Even all the times I was productive. What good is it? You know what? If I haven't done anything, if I why the fuck do I want to be productive? That makes no sense. It's just being productive in a dream. I'm never doing anything, right? It's like it's like any productivity that seems to come from me, let it be used for truth, not for uh puffing up this idea that I did a lot today, that I've been productive, right? Because I'm not never really doing anything. I'm watching a show of myself doing or not doing and identifying with that or not. Bring it back to identity. I never have done anything, that's been an illusion. So uh getting the perception that I'm not doing anything is not a problem. It's exactly equaled with I did a shitload of things today.

SPEAKER_12: 1:53:36

Right, that's a really hard one to get because we think we're doers, yeah, not beers. Yes, we're here to be, not do, but we have only acknowledgement from ourselves as how much that I do today.

SPEAKER_08: 1:53:51

And only being is a blessing. That blessing can allow all the doing to be anointed. See, don't you want your doing, uh, your imaginary doing to just be anointed? Who cares how productive it is? Who cares how what results it gets in the world? If your doing is anointed, because you would do it like that. I found myself today noticing, wow, I just love everything I seem to do. I'm over there playing a video game on my phone for a little while, you know, and I'm having my espresso. I'm over there having a split outside, I'm doing my Course in Miracles thing, you know. I just fucking love everything that I seem to do. There's no shame in it, there's no worry about how I'm gonna get things done. In that way, I'm gracefully guided to the next thing without any anxiety about it. Oh my god, what is right? It's like, oh my God, what happens if the house isn't ready when people come over, though, for your wisdom talk? What do they think? What will those people think? Right? And then I'll watch, uh, I'll I'll watch the movements and the joy and I noticed the joy in uh vacuuming today. I was having such a great time with the vacuum. Uh, it was just like uh I felt like a dancing fairy vacuum person, and that's how I like to vacuum. Thank you. He says, I am.

SPEAKER_01: 1:55:20

Romy tells me I am a dancing fairy vacuumer.

SPEAKER_08: 1:55:24

Yeah, don't you guys get any ideas? I'm not vacuuming for you to prove my worth.

SPEAKER_00: 1:55:31

11,000 a month, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:55:33

Oh, yeah, right. You could book me for 11,000 a month. I might include vacuuming in that. I don't know.

SPEAKER_08: 1:55:42

No promises on that. Yeah, go to my website if you're interested in that. There's a good there's a good review on there where you could you could read what it's like to live with Hope Johnson. So here's another one. I am just asking for a more helpful or miraculous perspective, just to forgive myself for what I appear to be going through. Okay, so this has kind of like been uh some insight for me where I'm seeing this forgiving myself. I'm noticing this forgiving myself being like a circular thing, too. Forgiving myself for what I appear to be going through. That's not really taking the power and going, fuck yeah, I'm going through this, right? It's not really like, hey, I'm I'm taking the reins. This is how I made it, this is how it is. Uh, this is the moment right now. Uh, you don't you don't need to forgive yourself for having given you this and for what you're going through. It's a matter of seeing that all of your concepts about it, it's already forgiven. That's already forgiven. So now step into your power and notice that you are not that which is going through this. You're the awareness that's watching this. Okay. You don't need to get anything done about it. Okay. Yay. Oh, well, I love reading it all. Thank you. You you typed it while you're on my show. All right, there's a QA. You won't be going back with Tony, someone asks. Someone a Zoom user. I don't know. Shit. That's not up to me. Well, Tony's Tony's my husband, by the way. Um, no, that's not uh that that is not up to me. Uh, I just watch, I notice uh what's occurring. Uh, how is how is uh our connection? Does it feel uh inspiring and uplifting? Do I get that sense that we're going deep together? I like depth, I know that, right? So we'll see what happens there. Thank you for asking, Zoom user. He's coming, yes, he's coming. He'll be here from the 19th through the 22nd. He'll be at these meetings too. It's gonna be really fun.

SPEAKER_12: 1:58:00

Can't wait to see that.

SPEAKER_08: 1:58:02

Yeah, it is, it's it's really great. It'll be fun when you meet him.

SPEAKER_00: 1:58:05

It's only three days.

SPEAKER_08: 1:58:07

Oh, oh, wait, I said I said it wrong, maybe 13th through the 22nd. Thank you. 13th through the 22nd. Okay, Sid has a aloha. Thanks. Aloha, Sid. I love you for this so helpful dialogue. I have experienced the same problem of feeling murder, thanks, murder, thanks to my exposure to I don't know if she's saying I'm feeling murder. Thanks for my to my exposure to your dialogue and ACIM for me remembering that I don't know what I want, as well as knowing that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be has been helpful. I'm so glad about that. In the past, I would ruminate over leaving this relationship. Now I know it's an opportunity for forgiveness. Yay! Yes, and that's how they all are. They're opportunities for forgiveness. The coming and the going is not actually up to you. And what I see is certain dynamics will start, will stop playing out to the point where you don't have anything to interact on. Like there's nothing there. And it's so, and so there's no, like a Course in Miracles was would say it. Teaching and learning has fulfilled its function in this particular form with this within this particular dynamic. It's not a personal thing, it's just time to go. Yeah, I love you guys. Thank you so much. I appreciate you joining. For more Hope Johnson, go to hopejohnson.org. There's all kinds of free resources on there. Uh, there's donations. Thank you so much for your donations. I really appreciate it. Um, as you know, I'm sustained by the love of God. And sometimes that comes through donations. So if you feel really inspired and uplifted in donating to me, you can do monthly donations, you can do one off, whatever you. Like, if it seems to not work on my website, uh give send me a message. I have a way of doing it on strikes. Stripes super simple. Um, also, any kind of tech support you want to give me earlier on, I said something about this background on Zoom. I would love to have it removed. I don't know how that happens. So if anyone knows anything like that, anyone wants to offer any assistance in any way, please let me know. Yay! Thank you so much for joining. I will be back in two days. No, three days on Wednesday, 3 p.m. Pacific time for a course in miracles deep dive. We're on chapter three now, and that's in the purplish book published in 2021, complete and annotated edition. You can also book one-to-one's on me, uh with on me, maybe on me too. I don't know. You never know. I'm open to the Holy Spirit's guidance. Uh uh be in my website as well, hopejohnson.org. Thank you so much for hanging out with me. I love you all so much. Uh Mahalo, aloha, and a hoo-e-ho.

SPEAKER_10: 2:01:14

Yay!