How Relationship Reveals The Self We Hide | Wisdom Dialogues @ HPP, Hawaii | February 2, 2026

You can feel it when it happens: the tiny flinch, the breath you forget to take, the story you tell so you won’t have to say the truth. That’s the moment the pattern takes the wheel. We dig into those moments and show how relationships—romantic, friends, family, even money—are perfect mirrors for the strategies we use to get love, avoid fear, and perform for approval. When we learn to see the play as it happens, the hook loses power and connection gets simple again.

We talk about the two self-images that run the show—the curated self and the hidden “unlovable” one—and how fear keeps us bargaining with reality. From “platonic” arrangements laced with sexual charge to hoping someone will change if we stay quiet, we unpack the games we play and replace them with congruent boundaries that don’t make anyone wrong. Along the way we bring in Vipassana-style attention, ACIM’s clear direction, and the practice of forgiveness as pattern recognition rather than moral accounting.

This conversation moves from the personal to the cultural: why mass media and spiritual small talk often keep us distracted, and how joy—not performance—becomes the compass for dancing, sex, work, and creativity. We share stories about stabilizing the field when emotions surge, choosing presence over strategy, and trusting that love sustains what serves. When you stop pretending you don’t know who you are, certainty returns—and every contraction becomes an opening.

If you’re ready to drop mind games, name what’s real, and let relationships be a playground for truth, press play. If this resonates, subscribe, share with a friend, and leave a review to help more listeners find the show. What pattern are you ready to stop feeding today?

Transcript

Returning To Hawaii, Setting The Tone

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Aloha, and welcome to Wisdom Dialogues with Hope Johnson. Yay. I'm back on the beautiful big island of Hawaii. Yes, I'm so happy to be here. I've been through a bunch of experiences that has been so much fun ever since I came over to the islands. First Maui and then over here. Been seeing more into how these patterns are at play that we're all interacting with and through. And how sweet it is. That that too, right? Everything that's calling up any feeling of anger, any feeling of even tiredness, tired of dealing with this, right? Anything like that, that's always showing you that there's patterns at play that you're just not aware of yet. You're gonna be. That's what time is for. They'll just keep on rolling back around until you're aware of what the patterns are that you're playing into. Right? What is it that attracts you to any experience? Notice that. What is it that attracts you to have any kind of experience? You know, for me, what I notice is that it feels like a different tone from like a regular person, you can say. The purpose of the experience is expansion. That's the purpose of the experience. It's not to get anything, it's not to uh get a better self-image, it's not for that. The whole purpose of every experience in every interaction is expansion. However, what's going on is each of us made an image of ourselves that we don't like. We made two images of ourselves, one that's kind of likable, but he's questionable. He or she is questionable, and one that it seems like there's no question. This person is a piece of shit, and that's what's covered up with fear. Okay, that's the one that's covered up with a big layer of fear. There's resistance to seeing that face for believing that it's really you. So there's a fear of going and seeing what it is, and really all that all that is, all that willingness is, is to see how you play into patterned dynamics. That's all this whole world is made of. So when you're recognizing what pattern dynamics you're automatically playing into, and you're seeing you'll you'll see the pattern when you see what the pattern is. Like, oh, there's a pattern of manipulation, there's a pattern of greed. People will play these things with you, and you may witness yourself playing these things with people too. It's not to judge, it's the psychology that we made from trying to bury this seemingly separate self, this make-believe self, this one that thought uh this relationship, there was this uh this relationship with God meant separation. It doesn't mean separation. Relationship doesn't mean separation. See, you're created, you are, you could say you are God, and there's a starting point to your individuality, but there's no end to it. Okay, so you can say that you as God, and if you don't feel that, that doesn't resonate with you, just think God did this, okay? Created this self, this perfect self to be in relationship with God. It's like that's how God can know the beauty of being through relationship. See, right now, the way we've trained our mind is to relate with all these strategies. See, so whenever we uh we we get emotionally uh close, you say emotionally close with people, you know, there's people that we're kind of lighter with, and others that were more emotionally open and close and uh feeling in that kind of way, right? Things get mirrored, right? They get things get mirrored, they show, okay, this is how uh I get hooked into this kind of play. And when you see how you get hooked, you stop getting hooked, and you stop feeling bad about things, right? You don't stop feeling bad about anything because everyone just looks so cute, they're playing innocently, they're playing innocently. Look at it that way. They're playing innocently, but the ego is completely divisive. So they, us, we, we're playing out automatically, unless we're aware of what's going on. We're playing out patterns of pain. We're playing out patterns and strategies to try to get love. If I do this, it equals this. If I don't do this, it equals this. You start out as a baby just seeing the reactions you get. Oh, and I act like this. You know, one thing my little sister did when she was potty training, uh, she she would get a spanking. My parents were kind of brutal, you know, in potty training. Like you get a spanking if you fuck it up, right? So my little sister caught on to this one early, early, you know. She started saying, I spanked myself, but she spanks herself, you know, much kinder than the parents are gonna spank her, right? So, so see, there's a strategy right there. You see how innocent it is, right? It's a toddler. There's a strategy to avoid a spanking. I spanked myself. Look how cute I am, and I spanked myself much softer. I got out of something, right? So that's that's how cute all of our strategies are. That's how cute and that's how sweet all of them are. So it's not a personal you when you see what they are, it's not a personal insult that someone played played a strategy with you. It's just matter of fact, that's what it is. And oh, I see how I just abandoned myself before when that strategy was played on me, and I just hid it from myself that was that that's plat that strategy was being played so that I could have the closeness. So there's a strategy on my part too. See, it's always like that. So it's like you know, the ego will tell will tell you, don't be too honest because people are gonna go away from you. They're not gonna want you. They're gonna, you know, they want you to cover up. This is not about covering up, minimizing the strategies and patterns that are being played, right? It's not about minimizing. Oh, it's okay, right? Oh, it's okay, but it's not really okay. You got to go deeper than and see, like if there's something painful, you know, recognizing I'm playing into something here. You don't have to play. Pretty much everyone you meet wants to play these things. That's how it goes. They want to go, you know, because they're identified strongly as an ego. Most people are identified strongly as an ego, even though there's a lot of clarity, there's a lot of uh high-level perception, there's a sense of wanting to get something out of everything. So it's not just presence now, right? How is this benefiting me? Am I wasting my time here? Right? When am I gonna start manifesting people that reflect what I want to see? Right? And and and that really that's an inside job. That's about number one, accepting and and and and loving what you've made. My perception, right? Whatever your perception is, accepting and loving that. That's everyone that arises in your perception, accepting and loving that because you made it, and because it's for seeing the truth of unity, it's the means, whatever it is right now, it's the means for seeing the truth of unity. So if you've got an inner voice, notice the inner voices, there's different inner voices. If you got an inner voice that's like, let's say, really angry, right? You know, listen, watch what's going on. If there's something like that, it's just telling you that you are afraid of reality right now. Let that arise, let that feeling be. Notice that that's what it is. The truth is you're just afraid of reality because you're breathing, you're you're believing this thought, right? And if you look at how your breath is, you're barely breathing when you're feeling angry. Anger is also fear, it all comes from that. If you weren't afraid, if you didn't become afraid when you were made for relationship, created for relationship, you would just be in relationship with a sense of separation, but not believing that it's actual, it's a it's just for relationship. And look at what we're afraid of. What's that? Take that again, believing it's all for relationship. I can't remember it's for relationship. So the only reason why experiencing relationship, this that's what this world is, it's like experiencing relationship, but but the relationship seems to be uh involving this life that ends in death, right? That's where it's gotten distorted, let's say, it's incoherent, let's say the relationship, it has incoherent distortions, kind of like overlaid, and that's the fear, that's an effect of fear. And you wouldn't you wouldn't even be afraid though if you realize that this relationship does not mean separation. Separation never happened. There's just a sense of separation for being in relationship, and you know what it is is a super juicy, loving, and you know, you could say orgasmic, but it's beyond earthly orgasmic kind of relationship. So to experience that within ourselves and also with each other, it's really wonderful when we experience it with each other, isn't it? I love that, and we're gonna keep on experiencing one another until our patterns help us, we allow them to be helpful instead of something to avoid, instead of something to spiritually bypass, right? We allow them to be helpful because this is meant to be seen in a curious, playful, comedic, joyful way, together like happy children, right? Not rejecting one another. I had a sense before I was coming over here that there was an experience I felt like I was anxious about because I I might be running into this person where I noticed I just get this surge of energy whenever I'm around. It's like, oh, you guys probably have experienced something like that before, right? So I looked in, I looked within and I talked with, you know, my you could say myself, uh about it. And it was like, you can handle whatever it is, just being authentic, let it be authentically what it is, right? It's not like don't try to make it like it's not that for one. You know, whatever is arising is what is being experienced, and also don't fuse, as in it's it's like uh, you know, noticing a pattern within myself. It's like, ah, and then not noticing what the strategies are that are coming out that are leading to this mixed feeling. You can trust that when you're in when you're in relationship and you notice like a mixed feeling, a ick feeling or something like that. Notice that's pointing to a pattern of thought you don't want to just unconsciously go down, and really it's a matter of being aware of it, so then you can see, oh, that's what's going on. There's the play, there's always some kind of a play, and it's not about uh making anyone guilty or wrong or anything, it's seeing that these patterns are at play and they're not worthy of us, right? Because we're still the same in unity, so there's nothing to push away, there's nothing to try to grab, there's nothing to try to change, there's nothing to try to fix about any of these relationships. It's not like that, right? For me, it's just like open to the point of what's showing up, what's cut what's showing up that comes to play with me, that comes to play in my field that's congruent, right? That's congruent with uh you could say my mindset. What is congruent? What is uh uh what is resonant, you can say harmonic, yeah, and that just shows with willingness to see any kind of strategies when we perceive someone else playing a strategy, what's going on is kind of like an invitation to play a strategy back. That's why people do mind games. That's that's why a lot of the times whole relationships are based on mind games.

SPEAKER_02 16:25

What's mind games?

Playing Mind Games And Self-Abandonment

SPEAKER_00 16:26

Well, that's where you're using a strategy to keep something secret from yourself. Okay, I'll give you a for instance. I was just talking with Tony about this uh a couple days ago. So when I first met Tony, when we first started going out, I experienced a sense like, man, I don't really like how our sexual interaction is, right? But there is conditioning for me that don't tell a dude that so I'm like, okay, you know, at the time I'm like 21 apparently. Uh and I'm like, okay, well, I'm probably not gonna end up with him, anyways. Most dudes just last with me like one or two months. We'll just hang out a little bit, anyways. It goes on for like over 30 years, and you know, it's like it's it's like we're really good at projecting.

unknown 17:32

What the fuck?

Desire, Scarcity, And Dropping Labels

Mixed Signals, Boundaries, And Congruence

SPEAKER_00 17:34

I know uh that's why it makes a really good example though. We're really good at projecting, and you know, like I know, I know I'm just really great at projecting whatever partner I think I want onto the person who happens to be in front of me. So when I keep on seeing all these qualities, he's uh he's amazing, he's sweet, he uh he takes care of uh homes and loves me and is super loyal. He never looks at other chicks, it's like all these things, you know. It's like, well, you know, I can I can do I can do it. That's how it is, and you know, you don't see it like how clear it is to me right now. Like, no. But that's because of the fear that we don't see the covering up. So there's certain, so that's what I mean. Mind games, see, so then resentment arises and different things and different strategies. That's just one in a lay. There's layers and layers in a relationship, that's just one such pattern, right? And you know, I'll talk to my mom about it, and my mom will be like, uh, you just have to basically uh accept what you have and don't rock the boat, right? Don't rock the boat. That's a different kind of acceptance, that's an ego kind of acceptance. See, that's different. When we're true to desire, I started on desire last week with the wisdom dialogues and it came up again. Uh, when we're true to desire, that actually leads us to our truth, that leads us to reality, being true to that. See, because what's going on is scarcity in the mind. What's projecting is scarcity. As if I better grab on to this right now. There's not very many out there, no one's ever gonna love you like this. There's all kinds of stories, right? And there's also stories about labels that we put on relationships. What I'm noticing is it doesn't need to be like that. You know, it's like I've been noticing such sweet interactions uh without having okay, now it's this, right? I love how this is doing this on the video, it's not like cropping me up. Yay. Yeah, what I notice is we don't need to have labels on relationships, and there's also certain things that are acceptable as far as you know what uh what you require as far as like as in terms of respect. One thing that I notice is okay, not no labels on relationships, and then I'm hanging out with this dude that I'm having a uh close sexual relationship and he's hitting on chicks in front of me. And I'm like, oh no. You know, it's like there's certain things where you go, okay, that's not congruent for me, that's not acceptable for me. It doesn't mean you're mad at anyone, it's like, okay, that's the way you relate. Thank you for letting me know. Let me not hope that this is going to change. Right? You know, any kind of hope that the person might change in the future and be better at being uh in relationship with you, that's false hope. They are as they are right now. You only have this moment right now. So when you're when you're aware of uh no future, no past in the present moment, it's just like a nice warm, soupy field. You know, it and and what I notice is when I don't see immediately the pattern, it's because I'm working a strategy. There's something in the field that I want to experience, and it seems like I can get it with, let's say, this per person or this situation or something like that. And it's a scarcity thing. It's as if it's not available coming through me, anyways, being projected. So that means it's available everywhere. It's just being uh projected, like focused into one point. You could say one body, one situation, one relationship, anything like that. But it's actually coming from our own mind and it's perfectly abundant. Yay! Thank you for joining, you guys. I love you. Ah, thank you, Wayne. I love you too. You guys are sweeties. Thanks for sharing with me. So there's no, you know, one thing that I've been asked. Do you want me to? I can't tell what you want me to do. Do you want me to come closer or do you want me to go away? And I'm like, I want whatever it is. You know, I uh is it is it uh a resonant tone? That's just the way it's gonna be. I can't even help it. There's nothing I can do about it. You know, I'm not trying to give anyone any cues on or anything like that. Like whether you should the the cue, the cue I get is direction, the person's interested in truth. Then I'm like, hey, come over, come over for this. You know, uh it's it's uh it's a spontaneous arising, anyways. It's only pretending to think that we know what should happen, who should be there, who should be arising in the field and where and when and what they should be doing and how they should be behaving. See? It's a lot of shooting. That's right. And you know, uh it's a fact that we're at different uh uh you could say levels of consciousness. Let's say if you go levels of consciousness, okay, just to give no one's really at any different levels, but in a dream, levels of consciousness, let's say, in terms of how much fear you've been released from. The more fear you've got running, the more stories you've got running, the dimmer you are. You can't help it. More triggers, you're working more strategies, right? And you're accusing people of ruining everything for you, right? I was just hanging out with a friend last night. I was on acid. That's right, I forgot about this. Yeah, yeah. So uh I came, I came home uh here to Hawaii and staying in Tony's house. And my daughter, who's uh her name is Akea, she's loves it when I mentioned her on the show, by the way. Um she has some she has some friends and they were going to town, they were gonna go shopping on acid. I was like, okay, cool. So I go with them, and then I realized everyone's on acid except me, apparently. So I asked for some acid and I got some. And then we ended up at then we ended up at someone's house later on, and uh he was speaking as he's God. I'm God, I'm God, I'm God, in words, but not in tone. Not in tone. And then it came out, it was just revealed to me very quickly. Extreme, uh, extreme perceived, perceived, conceived, because we're not capable of hating, hatred towards toward an individual person to the point where he's using the C word. Cunt. Yeah, in case you're wondering. Yeah, and and you know the thing about hatred, it's feigned, you cannot be hating anyone, it's not possible, but you pretend like you do hate people. That is a direct attack on your body. You made this body for that to absorb these attacks, to play out these attacks. It plays out in terms of accidents. In his in his instance, one of his friends just bitch slapping him a couple times, you know. I mean, you can blame it on the other person being unstable, but you gotta look at your mind. You know, if you if you're saying I'm God, that's one thing, that's true. But you're saying it from an ego sense if you're still holding any kind of hatred toward anyone, as if that's true, as if that person isn't just another version of you. See paying lip service to it and actually uh demonstrating it are two different things. And who do you really want to demonstrate it to, anyways? Your own mind. Right? Someone told me last night he was on acid too. Seems like everyone's fine on acid, everything comes through perfectly. He told me that the truest teaching, or the only teaching possibly, is walking it, I think was the way he said it. And I go, yeah, because you're teaching your own mind. So that demonstration to your own mind. And basically, here's how you do it like let's say there's a feeling of anger toward a person, they seem to have wronged you, and maybe all of your friends. You probably have some kind of an imprint where you're rerunning a pattern. You may have even played stories of murdering each other. Okay, so it's just like this imprint that's repeating over and over again. Hold how that feels with the truth and your willingness to recognize this pattern so you can see the truth here because that brings your mind to unity. Okay. So when you when you experience someone and they let's say they seem to be uh they seem to be in a fearful state. If they're doing any kind of manipulation game with you or anything like that, they're in a fearful state. It's actually a call for love. How do you answer that call by your willingness to see? You don't have to start going into a caregiver role with the fucker. That's part of the pattern a lot of the times. At least that seems that's how it seems to be for me. You know, it seems to be like, oh I but I need you. You're so spiritually advanced. You can help me.

SPEAKER_02 29:51

A lot of the time, it's not forgiving the person, it's sensing the sense of lack within yourself.

Acid Night: God-Talk Vs Hatred Tone

Forgiveness As Pattern Recognition

SPEAKER_00 29:56

There's no person. So his question is a lot of the times there's no forgiving the person. For me, there's not forgiveness for a person. Yeah, the forgiveness comes in in recognizing the pattern. It's like you're forgiving that fear that's preventing you from seeing what pattern is playing. There are devious patterns being played, but it's an innocent player, let's say. The player is being played. They just forgot they're in the game. So we don't want to really get stuck playing those teenage games with each other because they hurt, they're dumb. You know, so we got to recognize how tired we are of those games. So, you know, like notice that. Oh, this is not something that is uh resonant, right? You may notice an opening, but then notice it's not resonant. And that can be in any kind of experience, any kind of situation, relational situation, you know, noticing does it does it really uh ring true for me to believe this train of thought. For me, I found myself uh with with this thought that's like, oh oh, he does love me. Oh, he does care about me. And it's like, oh, wait a second. You know, it's like it these things are automatic. They're nothing to be, there's not, they're nothing to shy away from, which is why I share so openly for some of you guys who just joined. So, you know, they're nothing to shy away from, and that's what I'm demonstrating to you right now that the ego doesn't even want you to see the deviousness and the patterns that are at play, right? It can, and once you start following it, it goes very deep, right? Notice if you want to get anything. Oh, I should be this way to them. Let's say, like KC. She uh she she and Billy totally helped me in on my ministry. They take care of uh housing and all kinds of different stuff. So I was hanging out with one of my friends and KC wanted me to do something. She's like, I want you to fucking do this. I'm like, I'm not fucking doing that, so we gotta get over it. You know, remember? That's okay. Uh so then so the friend was like, oh my goodness, you're you know, you're just like really easy with that. And she's the one who's like your your like major benefactor. And I'm like, well, well, it just has to be authentic, otherwise, it doesn't it's not a match, you know, and really I'm sustained by the love of God. I'm not sustained by a person, right? So if it's not resonant, see, she even forgot about it. She's like, I forgot all about that. Help always does everything I want. Which is actually the truth. It is, you know, but but when you know that you're being directed, when you're really confident, and you are, you're being directed, constantly being directed. You could say Jesus is a field of awareness in your mind that has nothing but unconditional love for you, and totally certain that you have already made it. Totally certain that you're gonna come to know that you have already made it. And it's kind of whispering to you, like to give you symbology, human symbology. It's like a brother with his arm around you while you're watching this timeline, letting you know again and again the truth of who you are, and you could just tune into that anytime. That's direction. See, we had the last five uh ACIM, of course, in miracles uh lessons, they're all the same, right? I got I got a good feel for those because I read all of them and they were exactly the same. At least the lesson was, but I did a different contemplation for each one. I did it five times. And one part that I love that I live is be you in charge, I will follow you, right? Knowing certain is the word used, that your direction gives me peace. See that? So knowing that I am being directed by Jesus, unless there's a thought that's self-doubt thought or guilty projection thought, that's obviously not Jesus. Easy. I don't have to listen to that, right? But the direction, what to look at, what to recognize in the field, where to go, what to say, what to eat, what to drink, whether to do acid. It's true. Just being available for what the direction is, you know, and I'm sharing with my friends because then I end up in a whole different realm than I'm used to, right? Now I did some acid, things are wild. People are pretty wild in this realm. Apparently. Right. They're wild. They they are just in a different way. Yeah, in a different way. So there's lots of substances flowing, you know. There's like uh spliffs and cigarettes and alcohol and all kinds of this, the this kind of stuff, you know, and experiencing this different kind of realm where people relate with a lot of uh activity, right? Always uh go from one place to another, one activity to another to another. It doesn't make time for any uh quiet. At one point, I just go, hey, okay, you guys are going in there. I'm just gonna sit in the car. You want music? No, you want your butt warm? No, you want anything at all? No, I just sit. I'm just gonna sit here in the quiet. It's interesting to see how much distraction is occurring. Lots of distraction is occurring, and in in conversations, even when they seem to be about spirituality, it seems to be more social than direct to hey, the truth is that you're the son of God. Like it's to extend that to one another in whatever way that it is, you know, it's not like some kind of a philosophical thing where we got to get the philosophical thing correct. It's a matter of extending the love of God, which is peace and knowing there's no cause for fear because the separation, it never happened. So I'll ask people pretty often, do you know? Because sometimes people will act like they know who they are. So I'll pull them aside and be like, Do you know who you are? And then it'll be like, uh, not really. And it's like, oh, okay, well, here's the thing, and I'm gonna share this with you guys too. You do know. Okay. You're fucking playing a game with yourself. You're telling yourself you don't, and then you're believing it. See, the ego loves that. That's the carrot and stick thing, where you can learn more to get to knowing who you are. Right? For a little while, there's something for you to learn, but it doesn't actually take that long to have that revelation to knowing that you are all of it. And that really needs to be the foundation for how you look at everything, so that when fear and doubt creep into your mind, you don't have to take those things as meaning anything about you because this the foundation is that you are who you are. You know, people reflecting to you that you're doing it wrong. It's like, thanks for letting me know me know. You might even say, I'm sorry, but you know, know in your heart that's really you're welcome. I'm sorry, and you're welcome. See, see, because no one really hurts one another. That's not true, even when people are getting bit bitch slapped, you know. In the in the crew that I was hanging out with last night, it was really funny. There was one guy who was the bitch slapper, and then three three guys were bitch slappies. And I was and I was with them. And they're, you know, I see them, you know, working it out, kind of like working it out. They're having conversations with each other and having hugs and stuff like that. Um and it's working it out. I what I see from what I see because there's not really recognizing that these are patterns that we're playing, they don't mean anything. One of them, my daughter's really hot, you might know her. Um, and she has all these dudes around her, right? So one of them seems to be trying to possess my daughter. Other guys should not be looking at her certain ways, otherwise, they're getting slapped. Right. So one of them who I think said he has gotten slapped, he'd something like that. Something was bringing up a Fairfall family. One of them who's like pretty visibly uh in a like in an intimate energy exchange with my daughter. That it's not physical yet, could go to that, but so you know, so it's like they're on the on that wave. Anyways, he's going, he's he's expressing this uh sense like he doesn't want to be around that guy because he might get violent and stuff like that. And I go, well, what's going on with that? And then he started to explain that he's in a platonic relationship with my daughter. I go, no, you're not. That's what he's seeing, that's what he's reacting to. So it's like, see, when we cover up, we don't recognize the dynamics that we're playing. That's kind of like growing up, you can say, growing out of the teenage thing, recognizing the dynamics that it feels like this. Notice that. Oh, okay. And then it's like you're not a defensive about, like, hey, bro, I'm not like whatever, nothing like that, right? Because it's more like you're you're free, you know that everything is a shared interest. We all have a shared interest. And you know, I've had experiences before where it seemed like someone was gonna hit me. At one time, it was a family member who's pretty like bigger than me, you know, and it seems like they're about to hit me. I use the fear that arises, see, in the moment, I use the fear that arises to show that it has no basis. Do I know? Am I 100% sure they're not gonna actually hit me? No, they could. It's just that I know I cannot get a hit unless I need it. And I can trust in that, right? So I could stay for the experience and not run away. What I mean by that is not abandon myself. And what are you doing when you're abandoning yourself? You're abandoning the body sense, right? I was a kid who experienced molestation. A lot of us did when we were uh around in like the 70s and 80s, right? Molestation and also beatings.

unknown 42:49

Yeah.

Stabilizing The Field And Not Fleeing

SPEAKER_00 42:51

So those two things I learned how to abandon myself fast. Let me get the fuck out of here so I don't have to experience this, right? It's a it's a good thing to have as a kid like that. If shit like that is going down, right? You can just like you just get out of there. But it becomes an ingrained habit. You don't want to abandon yourself. When you abandon yourself, you cannot speak up, you cannot present yourself. So when I did what I did, or you know, and this is not like calculated or anything, miracles are always involuntary, they come as a result of practice at first, right? So when I noticed him coming toward me, it was like split second. Oh my goodness, I could get clobbered right here. You know, you don't really see all those words, but it's kind of like a rush. And it's like, oh, back into safety in that moment. So we are actually in command. Of all of the particles that are showing up in terms of bodies and everything, we are actually in command of them. And what I've seen and what I've demonstrated to myself on different occasions is that the person, however kind of uh maniac vibe they may be they may be in, that my command of the field allows them to calm down. They either have to calm down or they have to go away. That's how it works. It's just it's just natural. I don't know whether they should calm down or go away, but I just know it's gonna be one of those. Right? Because it's like you're willing to stabilize the field, you're accepting this perception that you made, and you're willing to be here, you're willing to be present to stabilize the field, to make it peaceful for everyone, right? Your your fear, your fearful response to them, or you know, uh let's say you're thinking about getting a restraining order, you can do that. It's not to uh neglect your self-afforme and what it seems to need. You go ahead and go through the motions of doing a restraining order, maybe you just do the paperwork and never file it, or maybe you go down there, or whatever it is, noticing what it feels like to be fearful, holding that with the truth, because when you hold them together, the truth dissolves the fear. You hold them together in your body's energy field. This is what a Course in Miracles talks about, and also it flashes me back to vipassana, vipassana meditation. You're sitting still for all the all those hours, and different stories and things are coming up that are grabbing you, making you angry, sad, fearful, anything like that. But you're staying with your attention, you're not managing your breath or anything, but you're you're having attention onto how you're breathing and also where in your body your your attention is moving up and down your body the whole time. So that's how it's naturally, it's a lot slower in that way, uh, using meditation like that and waiting for it to come up than just being in the field as the field, right? In the field as the field, not so detached from the field that you're not also in the field, right? Of course, you're not really located in the field, but you have a form that's prevent presenting in the field. Being in it is just being fully present for whatever it is that's arising, and it's good, it's really good when you're seeing it as being something threatening or something that you want to push away. That's what makes it uh confusing for you. That's what makes it seem like you don't know yourself sometimes. So look at it like this. You're being crafty with yourself when you pretend like you don't know yourself. There's only right now, there's only your willingness to come to know yourself right now. You're not on a timeline, really. So when you're willing to come to know yourself, that knowledge shows itself. It doesn't matter what the perception is. A lot of the times people will use the perception to say, I must not know myself. For instance, uh, I hurt that person's feelings. For instance, I broke that person's heart. For instance, I treated that person terribly. That's not a reason to not know who you are, or to pretend to not know who you are. That's not a good reason. The things, the psychology that you're playing out has nothing to do with the truth. It's just to see what that psychology is, not so you can harp on it or pay a bunch of attention to it, but so you can stop doing it to yourself. Anytime you think you hurt another person, that's just a reflection of you hurting yourself. You don't have that kind of power. You're not created like that, you're not created to cause any harm. You can't cause any harm. You just imagine that you caused harm, and then you get all arrogant about it. It's fun. All right, let's see. You shopping on acid. Yes, what a wild child you are. Yes, apparently. It was a half a hit. I love I I love it because it because no substance really does anything to you. It's kind of like a little token. It's kind of a little like a little token you can get in the vibe. You know, you just take a little bit and oh, okay, I know what this is supposed to feel like, and just kind of like go into the vibe, right? I could also see how I could just go right back out of it too if I need to. Whatever serves, whatever serves. Who take the wheel? What are you saying? Who take the wheel? Okay, you gotta reflet rephrase that. I don't know. I don't know what you're saying. All right. Akasha said, Ho oponopono, forgive me, thank you, I love you. We are extending to both ourselves and the other. Yeah, and you know, when it comes to words like I'm sorry and stuff like that, it's beautiful whenever they're offered with sincerity. It uh it really is, it's totally beautiful. Okay, ultimately, it's good to know you, it doesn't really make any sense because no one's harmed. Literally, no one is harmed, right? And while you believe that someone is harmed, when you believe that you have uh the capability of causing anyone harm, you're also gonna be harmed in your experience. The sense that you're being harmed.

SPEAKER_01 50:41

It opens you up to being harmed.

SPEAKER_00 50:44

That's right. That's right. Casey said it opens you up to being harmed. Yeah, we we make this stuff up for ourselves.

SPEAKER_02 50:53

What who is it that's being harmed?

SPEAKER_00 50:56

It's an experience.

SPEAKER_02 50:58

When you said play, like the player gets played. Yeah, I would say there's only play.

Vipassana, ACIM, And Holding Fear

Knowing Who You Are Beneath The Play

Joy Over Performance: Dance And Song

Flow States In Sex, Skating, And Life

SPEAKER_00 51:03

There's only playing. Okay, so let's go back to the first one. What was the first one again? When you said the player is being oh, who's who's being harmed? Okay, so he said who's being harmed? Yeah, he asked who's being harmed, and I said it's an experience of harm. Again, no one can be harmed, but we are really uh persuaded by what we think we see, and we think we see harm all over the place, even on worldwide levels, right? And the other one was what now? Player being played. Yes, yeah, there's just play, exactly. So the player only let's say the player gets played in believing that the play is real, or that they can get anything out of it. That is one aspect of believing the play is real. It's like you can get anything that can actually satisfy you out of this play. That's what uh leads to games, mind games, manipulation, stuff like that. Get learning from being in the process. You don't need to learn. Yeah, that's done. You've done a course in miracles how many times? That that thing's about learning, right? Yeah, it's great. I love a course in miracles, you know. I do a course in miracles deep dives every week. I probably will be for like 10 years coming because I'm only on chapter three, and it just looks like that's how long it's gonna take, right? I love it. And there's an end to that learning phase. It's a phase, it's a phase. Once you learn that you are who you are, now it's a fun, playful, undoing of concepts that are propping up this world, right? Nothing else to learn. See, when when we stay in learning beyond what's needed to recognize who and what we are and what our function is, when we remain in learning like that, then we're denying ourselves the joy of actually living that learned, already learned function of what we're doing here and playing in the field and playing with the uh uh the other versions of ourselves, um, and noticing what patterns arise and how we play into certain things. It's like, oh, this doesn't feel caring, this doesn't feel safe, this doesn't feel sweet. Okay, don't put your energy into that. There's not hoping that it's changing. See what I mean? That's an aspect, and so that gets played as in, oh, you know, the ego sees these subtle things that you don't see. You know, it's like you use the ego to see these things for you and then cover it up, like, okay, just play that in the background. I don't want to know about it. I don't just play it out in the background. So, so then there will be uh there's this, there's a sense that you can you can get played, then there's the playing, and the playing is not happy for either side, it doesn't not help anyone, you know. At one point, uh there was this invitation to play. It said, it said, well, you know, it's kind of like, well, if you want to hang out with me and you're not you want to connect with me, you're gonna have to play this ego game. There's kind of like this agreement like that. You're gonna have to play this ego ego game. And you know, this is somewhat symbolic and somewhat uh actual as far as having a dream about it in the apparent past, right? It's all story, but there's a sense like there's this agreement. Okay, I'm gonna do this because I'm gonna play this game because I want to get close to you. And what happens is pain, it's like struggle, like sacrifice, right? So then recognizing and coming back to yourself, I don't want to. It's not it's not happy, it's not a happy game to play these kinds of games. It's happy, it's a happy game to just play lightly. That means in embracing the moment, being together in the moment, not trying to lay any story over it. Because when laying a story over it, then we're playing with manipulation and how it should be and how it should go and all these different things. It's just so we're just having fun like kids on a playground. Okay, Wayne has a comment. The field is most influenced by the strong strongest frequency in the space. When love is the dominant frequency in the field, then it has a source effect on everyone in the field. Yes. So maintaining that. So when I when I uh have conversations with people and they tell me about like getting off guard and stuff like that with certain people, people say certain things and then get triggered. It really comes down to your willingness to be the light in this experience that you've made for this purpose. This experience you made for the purpose of being the light. So you can see, and you can see everyone. Your being the light shows everyone who they are. That's what it is. It's really revealing to everyone who they actually are. And you know, sometimes I see like like when I'm directed to take acid and go shopping with people, you know, it seems to it seems to take that for the openness to arise. When the openness arises, then the connection can be there. You know, people who are used to doing a bunch of substances and stuff like that, it's like their energy field may not open up unless you're on a similar vibe like that. So it's like the direction, there's no like I wouldn't do anything like this, just letting your body be used for that. It's fun, right? It's there's nothing in this world that can hurt anyone, and and just living that direction allows your body, even your even your apparently physical body, to be taken care of. It's taken care of naturally by source. There's no lack of anything. There's no lack of resource for serving your function. There's a lack of resource for selfishness, there's lack of resource for anything that you think you can attain, and that's why it seems like you have to work hard to earn your place in the world. Right? It's either like you have to work hard to develop social bonds, or you have to work hard to uh I don't know, learn something so it can give you a place here when really love is the source, that's what sustains us. And for me, it wasn't until it was in my own awareness that love is the source that the world started to reflect that back to me. You know, it just kept on clicking in a different way, and I kept on uh I kept on seeing it over and over again, and everyone around me started to recognize that that's how it is. I share love, I share and extend love. That's what I do. I don't have another uh, I don't have any ambition, I'm not looking for followers. They asked me in in Arizona, it's funny because I start showing up at their groups, right? So, what so what are you doing here? Like, what's your purpose here? Are you here to get more followers? I'm like, I'm just hanging out. I I'll take followers if people want to go out, press follow somewhere, just going where I'm guided and sharing, right? Uh it's just not normal for people. And I was inspired, I was inspired toward that having been raised. I know you guys told a lot of stories about the different things that I experienced like as a kid. Well, one of them I was also a Christian missionary. Having being raised like that and seeing how, you know, my parents had no savings account. They say that you should have a savings savings account, right? My parents had no savings account, they had no um like even bank account with money in it for the future or anything like that. We're just witnessing day to day. Let's go out and witness, right? Everything was taken care of as far as like all supplies that need to be taken care of are taken care of. And we've been trained and conditioned over many, many lifetimes that we need something else than what is provided for us to do our function. We need something more. So that's not to say, like, if you have a job, you should quit your job or anything like that. It's not like you should or you shouldn't. It's actually going through it that shows you. For me, I spent a year in doing real estate. One of them was studying for and taking that exam and then going through all of the all of the motions of learning how to be a real estate agent and buying and selling houses. After a year of that, it was revealed to me. I'm done with that. I'm tired of that. I'm tired of the idea that I have to do something to sustain my place here, to be serving my function. There's nothing, there's nothing there. It's not true. So we use our jobs, noticing the upset feeling. This is what I was doing. I was noticing the upset feeling when I'd be working and embracing it with what's true. What's what's a true thought? I made this experience so I could see the truth of who I am. I want to see, right? I want to see more than I want to project onto my husband that he did something to me, he caused me to be in this situation, right? You see how it's a choice between those two things? I want to see or I want to make him the cause, right? And this doesn't mean I I can't like also observe patterns that he's playing out to try to preserve himself, which we don't need to do. Those are these are not necessary, right? And now at this point, he's really happy to see patterns that he uses to preserve himself. He's like, I want to see, I want to hang out with you as much as possible. I want to know what patterns I'm playing into, and that just happens natural naturally hanging out with you. Right? When I stop doing that, that's abandoning myself. When I stop going, hey, that's a that's this pattern. And society would say, and especially relating in uh romantic or sexual relations with people, you need to shut the fuck up about that. You need to be quiet about that, right? That's not something you say, especially publicly. Well, I say everything publicly, so just fair warning, anyone who thinks they want to get into a sexual relationship with me. Everyone, yeah, give it a second thought. It's funny too, because you know, I've always been super honest like that. Like even when I first met Tony, I'm like, you know, I was having sex with another guy. It was my Friday night guy, and I just told him, said, Do you have a boyfriend? Yes, uh or no, but I have sex with this guy every Friday, you know, and he's still wanting to get with me. So it's it's it looks like it's kind of like a test. And you know, this is just automatic play. I'm not deciding to do anything like this, it's just fun, you know, uh seeing how there's just a freedom to express whatever this body mind is going through thinking or whatever, and not trying to hook a person by putting on a mask that it's like this, right? Some people are uh some people wear the vegan mask. I like that one. It's a fun one. Until we have a uh a lamb theme at a Thanksgiving party, and then they're not vegan for one day. They probably look at the other person and go, they think they like oh, they're eating the lamb, so it'll be okay. It's funny like that. There's all kinds of there's all kinds of pressure to conform. And you know, when you recognize that the pressure can only come from your own mind, then you don't succumb to the mirrored pressure. It's just mirrored pressure, no one's putting any pressure on anyone. It's mirrored internal pressure, and that's one thing that helped me in my relationship with my husband and and my relationship to working, is I would project that he's putting the pressure on me to be working, right? And then he would have the experience that he needs me to work for sustenance, like how he's gonna make it in life, right? That those two energy plays energies play together. We're causing them within each other, we're mirroring them back to each other until we see it. And for me, I didn't see it for a long time, but once I saw it, then it was the pattern was broken. But you know, when I say a long time, I'm also talking about within a lifetime. That's really awesome because it took millions of lifetimes to get this conditioned. It's actually going to take way less time to undo it. It's not gonna take millions of lifetimes unless we insist on not seeing, unless we insist on brushing things under the carpet. Oh, well, I just won't think about it. That, for instance, you can't help it. It's in the unconscious mind. If you don't face it, it's just going to keep on coming up, making your experiences for you. See, a lot of the ways people gauge enlightenment is if they can get other people to reflect back that they're enlightened. So, what do people do? Make an image for that, right? It's not that, that's not really a good gauge for your, you know, let's say your progress toward how much fear you're released. That's really what enlightenment is. Once you're 100% released from fear, you can't feel pain, uh, any kind of pressure, anything like that. You don't need it, you're you're released from fear. Okay. So once you're once you're totally released from fear, and as you're being released from fear, you're lighter and lighter, and you're able to be more playful, and you're less susceptible to things that normal humans might be susceptible to. You know, any kind of uh pain, food poisoning, sickness, COVID, for instance. You're less susceptible to manipulation, for instance, which is what this realm is based on. Anything, I know the Super Bowl is just happening. Anything that's shown to a shitload of people is laced with conditioning. It's laced with conditioning toward upholding this realm. So it's good to be alert. There's not anything that you should or shouldn't do. It's good to be alert. There's symbology used and all kinds of other things, conditioning. That's so so noticing that because we set these things up for distraction. The agreement, you could say the deca the the the uh agreement that hurt our mind, the one made in blood, you can say, the agreement made in blood, is to uphold this at all costs. It's in our anything that's mass, mass entertainment, news media, okay, it's on social media. Anything fearful about the world, there's nothing to be fearful of here. I saw a friend posting on Facebook, it was a long list of all of the amazing things that President Trump has done since he's become the president, and it was really long. It was like I had to just stop reading all these great things about what President Trump had been doing because I got tired of reading them. And then so then I look at the comments because those are a lot more fun. First, I made a comment. I said clearly he's the Antichrist. I mean, the Antichrist is supposed to do all that good shit. But you know, I'm just being specious. And then and then the comment, you know, the next comment was something about how uh how this is all lies. Ah, this is all lies. And it's like, yeah, it's all lies. It's all lies. They're just being played in a way that will tempt you to be distracted and not notice with the veil that's being pulled over your eyes. That's all. You know, like you'll show up at a at a place and instead of like, you know, uh instead of instead of like dealing with what's really true, right? It's like, hey, how do you like how those Seahawks did in the fucking game? And then they get on a whole big conversation about that. Oh yeah, we know all about that and shit. And it's like, you know, it's like Billy's a total Seahawk dude, so he's like definitely gonna be, yeah, he's wearing a shirt right now. Right, everywhere he goes, yeah, yeah. So so like I'm not saying it's a bad thing like that because Billy, he's like he's aware, like whenever anyone's coming up and they're saying, Hey, fucking Seahawks, he's like, Oh, this is a chance to join in truth, you know. Like you're aware of that. So it's which so that's why you can go into all these different realms, let's say sports or whatever it is, just being aware of what the conditioning is and what it's meant to get you caught up in nothingness. One thing we were taught, and I and I love this, is to make sure that when you're having a conversation with anyone that you're aware of what it's for, right? Because the ego likes to distract, and it's like, oh, you know, like making small talk, stuff like that. It's never like that. All these interactions are totally potent. There's not any like filler interactions, no fillers where you're just like, oh yeah, you know, look at those Seahawks, and maybe there's some couple players on there that they like a couple players and stuff like that. And when you're just aware of what this interaction is for, it changes the whole vibe, it changes the whole thing. It's not really about them, it's not really about a game, it's not really about whoever was on that show and their drama that they're playing out on that show. That used to be a thing, I don't know, when I was working uh in in a law firm. So, did you see what happened last night on Friends, for instance? Can you believe that they right? And you know, it's like it's all for joy. So it's like for me, I always find myself laughing whenever I'm in a communication with someone because I can see all the comedy in everything, knowing that it's all for joy. And you, you know, when you interact with someone who's light like that, and they just see the comedy and everything and and laugh about it, that's joining. You know, you could say that's miraculous because this world is set up on seriousness. It's like as if these uh these psychological patterns that we're playing out with each other are meant to even be taken seriously, they're not. Everyone is looking for connection. It was just really obvious to me. Everyone is just looking for connection, they're asking for it in different ways. You can say that, yeah. He said, ourselves included, yes. Notice though, because it doesn't have to be, you don't need to be looking for anything, there's a different vibe, it's a different tone when you're not looking for anything, right? There's a there's so often that like this projection, like I get the sense that when I go over here, I'm gonna meet a certain person that's gonna give me a job or give me a blowjob. I don't know, you know, it's like give me some weed. How I'm gonna get notoriety from the from this. Notice what that is, it's not your voice, it's not your real voice.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:17

That needy energy is obvious, clearly, right?

No Compromise With Truth Or Desire

Seeing Through Repeating Relationship Loops

Media Conditioning And Seriousness

SPEAKER_00 1:14:21

So notice that that's not your voice, that neediness. That's not really who you are, so you don't have to identify with it. One friend even came up to me and told me he wanted to talk to me, but he was nervous about talking to me. And I said, Okay, well, you're not really nervous about talking to me, you're not really capable of being nervous, and he's like, What? And I go, Yeah, you're not really capable of that, you're experiencing nervousness as a passing wave, and you've been identifying with it, but you can stop identifying with it, and then it's like woo, it's like this passing wave of uh make-believe nervousness, and then you can see how we're just on the same plane, we're on the same wave right now, you can say, and so there's nothing to get nervous about. Tony was relating to me how when he goes dancing with me, by the way, we had some really fun dancing this weekend. Uh, I was tray, I'm in no way a dance teacher. I do not know what the fuck I am doing, but it seems like I know what he should be doing better. And he lets me tell him. So that's fun. So I get to fuck around with that. I'm like, now do this and let's see if that works. But he was he he was sharing with me how it seems like he's on stage, and that's a big reason why dancing is really good for you because you're you know, you're seeing what it feels like to perceive like you're separate, like those eyes that are looking at you are some other eyes, they're not your own, right? So, really, it's an opportunity to hold that, that sense that you're on stage, or that sense that you're embarrassed, or something like that, an opportunity to hold that feeling of uh, you know, just imagine being on stage like that. And also the truth, the reality that these are my eyes, and they're all loving eyes, right? And then you start to see how how the effects of that are, and that doesn't necessarily mean how anyone else reacts. Someone might tell you that you're a shitty dancer, right? And you still know that this is not for you getting dance recognition, it's for you seeing the truth of who you are, right? Some people might think you're the best dancer, and some people might think you're the worst. That's how it goes. People have their ideas. My friend, uh, my friend Wayne was telling me uh after I sang a song to him, I sang the first 50 miracles from a course in miracles, uh lessons from a course in miracles. Uh Ben Bigelow has the song. If you could look him up on Spotify, it's his album is This Is a Course in Miracles. So he asked me if I could sing them all, and I go, Yeah, because I could pull the app out and I know the tune, so I could just sing them all, right? I just sing them all. Uh called Acapella, a cappella, right? And he's like, most people wouldn't do that. And and it's like, that's because I'm not trying to be a singer. Right. And I'm not like going, I have I wonder how my voice sounds while I'm fucking singing this song, right? I'm just singing for the joy of singing the song. I probably uh, you know, objectively don't have the best singing voice. In fact, I've heard from some of my friends, please don't sing again. But that doesn't matter to me. I'm not trying to get a better voice. I'm actually enjoying the singing, right? It's like that's a that's a good symbol for the way people go through life. Like, like let's say you're doing something like you're like maybe you're uh skating. That's another thing I've done recently. Going roller skating, right? Uh let's say you're skating. Are you skating to have like uh some kind of round of applause about how good you're skating? Or are you just out there having a good time, right? It's the same thing. Look at sex that way too. That's a good one, man. Are you doing it to get the oh yeah, that was the best sex ever? Or oh yeah, that was adequate. I mean, some of you, your bar is lower, you know. That'll do. So uh yeah, it when you're when you're doing it as some kind of performance, it's disconnected, right? Uh but when you're really enjoying the moment, when you're enjoying one another, when you're enjoying the dance and your mind's not wandering, then that's where the joy is. That's where you can be uh kind of like in the flow, and all of your life can go like that. All of your life can go like that. It's just easeful, it's in the flow, allowing energies in the field to come and go as they do. People used to ask me when I was first with Tony, uh, maybe after a year or something. Like, do you think you're just gonna stay with him forever? Do you think he's ever gonna cheat on you? And I'm like, I don't know. All I know is it's fun right now, and as long as that's working out, that's how it is. And you know, it's like we've had all kinds of different patterns and lots of fun, right? And in all relationships, this is it, this is it too, in all relationships, until all of our patterns are seen through, there's a lot of different patterns, there's a lot of self-abandoning goes that goes on in relationships, and we call it compromise, right? We say love takes compromise, stuff like that. There's really no compromising. You there's one thing you know, you just don't compromise. That's the truth. Your what you desire is actually leading you to more truth because you're allowing yourself to be free to explore that. See, it that's that's why it is. So that's why the desires are so scary, and it's up to the ego to either take either take care of it by managing it, keeping it suppressed, or just going hog wild on the desire. It's not like that, it's not for the ego to manage, it's for you to hold it lightly with knowing that all of your desires are actually met already, and you're not seeing them. That's the thing. So, to try to suppress your desires so that you can keep someone close or keep a particular dynamic, some kind of relationship, this is manipulation. Who are you really manipulating? You're manipulating yourself, right? You don't really want anything that's coming from this, you don't want anything that's coming out of this. So letting them flow, letting people show you again and again and again in the moment. You know, is this in a is this in alignment and being honest about it? You know, if it's not in alignment, if it doesn't feel in alignment, that's because again, there is a pattern that you're playing into that's keeping you. I, you know, one of the questions I asked this weekend was why are people often more sexually attracted when there's distortion in the field? Why does that go on? Right? And I noticed that and across different kinds of relationships as well. But uh but the reason why we do that is so that we can see the patterns that we're holding unconsciously. We cannot see it except through relationship. So once those patterns are seen and known to be useless, it's really uselessness. I can't use those, they don't help me. Once they're seen that these patterns are useless, then all of our desires are just met with awareness like that. It's just like, okay, it's already here. It's symbolic in the Bible with the book of Job. Is that Job the one that keeps on getting his ass kicked and he and everyone's saying he's getting his ass kicked by God? Right? And he keeps on trusting God. Like everything goes wrong for this guy, you know, he loses his family, he uses he loses fortune, his land goes barren, he loses his health, right? And this is the symbology of the story. He keeps on trusting God, and everybody's mocking him. Like, look what God did to you. Because everyone thought that God is doing everything to you, right? Look what God did to you. No, no, God is only good. God is only good. He kept on trusting God. That story is about him seeing through his illusions, because at the end of the story, everything's there in all abundance. The family, the the fortune, everything. And that's how it is for us. We've gone on a path of not accepting who we are, because not knowing who we are, right? It's really pretending to not know because it's really we can only veil over it. We've gone down that path of doing that. So the way back is actually accepting who we are, not trying to perfect ourselves first before we accept who we are, because that's never going to happen, right? Some people are waiting for the ego to be ready to love. Your ego is never gonna get mature enough to be loving, it's not gonna do that. Right? This idea that the ego needs to grow up, that's a story. You're not the ego. Whatever it's presented as, mature or immature ego is not who you are. What does a mature ego do? Get better at covering things up, anyways. Right? People think they can use that, uh, hiding things from themselves. And you know, you can. It just doesn't go to anything that you like. It's really about being totally honest, noticing what you feel. Noticing when there's contraction, it's really an opportunity to expand. Every contraction is an opportunity to expand, and it can be seen as something that brings us closer to one another, more loving toward one one another. As if something, oh, they've done this so much. If you feel unloving, like my friend that I was telling you about, who was saying that he hates this person so much, everyone he meets, apparently, at least that I can see in that little window, he wants them to know what a bad person this person is. And how she's this and she's done these things, unforgivable, right? And and yet expecting to be safe. That's how the ego is. You can't expect to be safe while you're harming yourself in your mind. There's no measures of safety that'll help. Even when it comes to anything you're doing to try to improve yourself, like let's say going on a healthy diet, you're not gonna be successful in finding that satisfaction that you want. I mean, really, if there's a desire to have a certain kind of physique or something like that, let that desire be there. And then let yourself be directed to what to eat, how much, what exercise to get, how much. You can make a plan, you can make a meal plan, that's okay. But let the direction be in the moment. And then you'll feel really supported in anything, and this is anything. That you feel like, you know, you have the desire to accomplish, you have the desire for this, these things. These are not your real desires. Your real desire is for truth. That's why these unreal desires, these dream desires, actually lead to the truth through your allowing them to be made manifest. I like to just stay in a super juicy state, just willing for whatever I need to be the complete fulfillment now. So it's like whatever I have now, that's it. Just keeping it open like that, letting myself be surprised. Right? Noticing, wow, it's it doesn't matter where I find myself, everything is immaculate here. Everyone is super sweet to me. And then I keep on noticing different instances of sweetness just being handed to me. Ah, oh, thank you. For one thing, I've been having like I don't know how many hours of massage each day. Thank you, Tony. This is getting loved up like that lately. Wow. And you know, not demanding too that anyone needs to give anything. Anyone needs to give anything to show their love for you. Just let everyone be free. And then let the ones that come and resonate. Let them just present themselves however they do in a surprising way. Let yourself be surprised. For me, what's the most endearing to me is when someone opens up and they're willing to receive awareness, they're really willing to see receive this awareness of who they are. They know it already. But at certain moments, I'll see people open up to it. It's amazing. And I don't plan for it. I don't go, oh, I need to go over there because those people need this or that or this or that. I just remember what the truth is in the moment. Keep that in sight. That's what brings on Christ's vision so we could see the innocence in everyone and thereby recognize that that's our innocence. When you see enlightenment in a person, that's your enlightenment too. Right? When you see any kind of shows of affection, that's one thing that I started to uh really notice a lot more lately is shows of affection between people in the field that have nothing to do with me, apparently. They actually have everything to do with me. Right. So when I when I appreciate people in the field being sweet to one another, even if it seems like it has nothing to do with me, I may or may not even seem to know the people. I take it as being completely about me. Anything loving, anytime, right? Anything unloving that I perceive in the field, that's a call for love. What does it mean? It means awareness, alertness, willingness to see what the truth is here. Instead of seeing it as it's presented, as if that's the truth, as if it means something. This means you should go away, or this means you should come here based on your patterns. I told one friend last night because he was asking me if he could come over. He actually asked if he could come over for this talk, and he apparently is not here, and I'm sure that's perfect. And I said, Yes, I trust that you're gonna show up and provide whatever it is that everyone needs. This is the guy who was bitch slapping everyone else, right?

unknown 1:32:28

I'm sure you're gonna show up.

Every Interaction Has Purpose

Being The Light That Sets The Tone

SPEAKER_00 1:32:31

Show up and provide everything that everyone everyone needs, and that's just how it is. That's how it goes for me, right? It's like it's like for me, and I'm not saying it's wrong if you have to tell someone you're not welcome here, right? If you feel like and that's just something that arises as a matter of course based on your conditioning, there's not anything to judge about it or say it's right or wrong or anything, but notice the conditioning, notice you are acting from fear, and notice what's actually true. You're one in unity with these people, you cannot be harmed by them. There's nothing that can harm you. You you get the sense that maybe you've been harmed by someone, you get the sense that you can be can still be harmed by someone, and so you automatically have to take corrective mesh mechanisms for that that don't really correct anything, but they put your mind at ease so that you can see more. So use that experience, let your mind be at ease. I hear people telling me that they're not uh they're they're not uh knowing who they are because they're doing drugs, let's say. That is not a reason either. That's not a reason. You do know who you are, you do know that you are uh perfect, you're created perfect. Okay, you do know this about yourself, but you have been covering it up, and there's nothing that you do that prevents you from knowing it. You try, and drugs are a good example because people perceive themselves doing drugs or drinking alcohol or eating too much food, maybe it's social media, I don't know. Um, as meaning they take the drug use as meaning that they don't know anything about, they don't know themselves. See that it doesn't mean that, but you're taking it to mean that, and that's what's causing the compulsion as well, because it's continuing to hide from it. See when you're when you know that it's showing you these things. At one point, I seem to have a compulsive eating disorder, it was really interesting. I was kind of happy about it. Apparently, I was doing a bunch of kundalini yoga at the time, and it seemed like I could just eat anything and not gain weight, and I was just constantly just like buzzsawing through stuff. And I started to notice this is some kind of reaction, something's going on here. So instead of trying to change the way I was eating because it was hurting me, the eating was not hurting me. It was the thought that was motivating this compulsive eating that was hurting, right? So I let the compulsive eating arise without making it wrong. That was where I could actually see the thoughts that were making the compulsive eating into the problem itself. It wasn't a problem itself, it was an effect of problematic thinking. So when I let the eating just occur and embrace that, accept that that that's the means for seeing, that's the means for undoing, it showed me. And this is the same for anything. Even if you repeat certain relationships, you know, I hear from people all the time who repeat the same relationships either with different per persons or with the same person over and over again. Some of the patterns that I've been writing about, you know, people will comment and tell me, gosh, if I would have seen that, I wouldn't have spent 14 years doing it. I'm like, no shit, that's why I'm bringing it out. So you can see it sooner. You can see it sooner than I did. Right? And once I see it, I'm like, jazz, I'm like, rejoice. It's like, wow. Once you see it, it can't be unseen too. Even if you do play into the pattern again, it is a totally different vibe now. You're different now. Right? The other person may be projecting onto you like you're the same, but you're different because you've seen that these patterns are not leading to anything that you like or want. And it's a matter, it's not a matter of, oh, I know this doesn't lead to anything I want, but here I am again. To me, I just went through it purposefully when I saw myself, whenever it was last year or something like that, going through the patterns, the same patterns again, maybe like four or six or eight times in whatever amount of time that was, and not taking like, I know where this is going. Oh, I guess I'm going through it again. It was like, no, I'm happy about it. Yeah, let's, yeah. Yeah. At one time there was a question, uh, like, I know you probably don't trust me since I have flip-flopped on you five or six or eight times. I don't know. Uh, but you wanna. I'm like, sure. I don't need to trust you for that. Right? We can trust that everyone's bringing us exactly what we need. We cannot trust that they're gonna meet the ego's needs, and who would want them to, anyways. There's nothing to be trusting about with that. I can trust that once I see enough of this pattern, I'm not gonna be interested in this plain playing this pattern anymore. That's just how it is. Once I see enough of it, and and basically it comes down to you can just totally identify it. It's like, oh wow, that's just so plain. There it is, right there. Then you're like, I'm not interested in it anymore. What makes us interested in all these things? Look at that. What makes it in what makes it interesting? Anything that we get into, we have to be interested in that dynamic, anything that gets our attention. I love it. I love to see where my interest goes. I go, oh, hmm, what's what am I seeing? Well, I'm done with what am I learning? Right? Done with that. That's that's that's done. We have we have done that. I mean, for for those of you who want to do it, a course in miracles. I still love it. I still uh I still go deep diving into it pretty much every week. So it's a good uh step-by-step process for getting to know who you are. Now, for a lot of you, you've been doing it for a really long time. You've been going through it for a long time with the Course in Miracles, and some of you have moved on to other things before you've become certain that this is the truth. I don't need to learn anything else about this. Now, all I'm doing is chilling out, right? I'm kind of like in neutral, I'm cruising in neutral, right? And I'm watching the patterns that normally hook, right? I may even watch myself get hooked for a little bit. No big deal. Doesn't mean I need to learn more so I don't get hooked. That's the only difference. It's just the difference of seeing it different, right? You guys tend to think you get hooked. Oh, I must not have learned enough. Fuck that course failed me. What else is out there? It's a matter of switching it to you. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's the thing. The ego wants you to always be set up for failure, always be getting set up for failure again and again and again. To keep you in learning and failure is to keep you looped and not certain of the truth of who you are.

SPEAKER_02 1:40:52

Being ourselves reality, can't know. You can know what you're not.

SPEAKER_00 1:40:58

Okay, he's saying you can't, he's saying being source reality, you cannot know who you are. Well, I'll say this then. Once you're aware of all the things that you're not, that's it. It's like that. Intimation, yeah. And intimation, knowing with certainty, yes, yes, that is that's all that's already true. You already that is uh kind of like in Christianity they would call your helmet of salvation, knowing the truth of who you are, uh, and and that's really uh that's really something that you get, you just get as a revelation. And so I think all of you probably have gotten that revelation, but it gets covered up again with the things in the field. You don't let that be something that informs you that you don't know again, that you're not aware again. Don't let the the don't let the illusion be informing you what you know and don't know. It's not a good mirror for that. See, it may even seem like the people in the field are trying to convince you that you're not who you are, right? Don't wait for them to reflect back to you that it's the truth. It's up to you actually to know the truth. And when you're knowing the truth, you're very helpful because you can see what's going down as far as strategies, ways people abandon themselves and undermine themselves. And to be truly helpful, you're not holding anyone to their psychology. You taught them their psychology. They wouldn't be presenting themselves to you like that if you didn't teach them. They're all brief, they're they're all presenting to you what you taught your own mind. Right? So when you when you see, oh, it's up to me. I then all I want is to help heal their heart. Then all I want, that means all I want is be to be directed by Jesus in the moment. And that comes down to right now, not how it's gonna go later. Not what I'm gonna say when I finally meet those people at some time at some point in time, right? Not what I'm gonna say on my show, and certainly not what are they gonna think about what I say on my show or what I write down. I am not one bit uh guided to be personally protecting anyone's feelings. That's not up to me. And my direction, at least thus far, it may be changeful going forward, is to be exposing the patterns we play so that they can be resolved. That's actually how they get resolved. So being unafraid of how that um about how that transpires allows it to just flow effortless effortlessly and happily. And look, the people who you need to be around, you could say they're your mighty companions in this, they just automatically show up. And for as long as they need to, so we don't have to try to manage any of this. Gratitude manages it very well. Just thinking, you know, even when you feel like down, maybe they're kicking you when you're down, kind of saying. Just being thankful. Ah, thank you, brother, sister, for showing up just exactly as you have. And exactly as you do. There's nothing to fix. There's nothing to fix about our relationship. There's no thing that anyone needs to do. You know, you can talk the same way like that with money.

unknown 1:45:27

Right?

Love Sustains, Not Effort Or Strategy

SPEAKER_00 1:45:28

You're in relationship with everything. There's nothing you need to do differently. I don't need you to change into more money. Right? For me to be in right relationship with you. It's all relationship. This amount is the perfect amount because it's serving the function right now. You know, if you ask yourself, like, what when am I gonna not am I when am I gonna possibly not have enough? When is that gonna happen? When is it really gonna hit? Oh, there's not enough. If it's only serving the function of the Holy Spirit, it can't help but be enough. But if it's if you're using your body to serve something else, that's where you even get a sense that there's scarcity, you even get a sense that there's not enough. And then it seems like you gotta do something. I gotta do something about that. I got the sense that I needed to start dating so that I could get free meals. Because I'm used to going out to eat, right? And you know, that sounds reasonable. I'm kind of a cute chick, you know. I can like put an ad out there and say, date this cute chick for some meals. Right? And you know, it's funny because it occurs to me, oh, I couldn't, I I could do that, get some free food like that, right? And it's like, oh, that's a strategy too. What fun, and it's not bad. I'm not saying it's bad, right? I'm not saying it's a bad thing, it's just recognizing, okay, that's what that is, right? And and and you know, it's like it's fun because you could be like really, really honest that this is a strategy, and and that's and and that's the thing. Like, let's say, you know, you're talking with someone and they're like, hey, I really want to hang out with you. I like to eat good food. How what do you think about that? You buy me some good food, we can hang out. You know, it's like simple. Just put it right out, right? Or it's like, uh, how about this one? I would really like to hang out with you. Oh, oh, really? Well, I like uh I like good sex. Can you provide good sex for hanging out with you? You know, it's just like it's instead of hiding it underneath something, right? It's just like it's just kind of like, hey, it's uh it's refreshing. Honesty is actually really, really refreshing, right? But there's these games I notice it, you know, traveling around, it's been really fun. Sometimes it's really blatant. Sometimes the game will be like super blatant, you know, like where I'll have a a person uh telling me, and and it's always the platonic thing, it's always that platonic thing. We're put we're in a platonic relationship. It's like, no, you're not, as soon as you said that. One of my friends was finding out how hard it was to have sex with his his women friends because it would always end up messed up, right? So he was acting like he wanted to be platonic with me, right? And I was like, that is not platonic. I mean, the and it's energetically, and I and and then I just become like really keen to this. I'm like, no, no, no, no, don't play that game. That's a game, that's a game that you're playing. Uh let's be for let's be platonic, and then there's a hard penis on me, right? It's a platonic hard penis. That was the most blatant one. I was like, oh my goodness.

unknown 1:49:27

Right.

Work, Money, And Serving Function

SPEAKER_00 1:49:29

And then it's like, and then it's like, okay, then then there's him getting pissed at me for saying something about it because you're supposed to not say things, right? And you're not supposed to say these things. Then there's him getting pissed. He's not really pissed at me. His inf him feeling judged, I'm not judging him. That's not like that at all. Um, so then he recognizes, oh, I'm judging myself. And oh, I'm doing this in my relationships. No wonder, but people aren't calling him out. Just developing this thing, this pattern, right? So then you know, if we're actually seeing and we're recognizing the pattern, it's like, no, that's not. So then I started to experience it. And again, I'm like, man, is this what chicks are actually, or is it just me? I don't know. Is this what's going on? Like, uh oh, I just want to be platonic with you, but I'm just gonna get a little sex from you and pretend like we're platonic still. That was some platonic sex. So uh bringing that out, bringing that out to the forefront. Um when there is some kind of play like that, just in naming it, it's really useful like that, because then all the plays that go along with it, they just get dissolved. No one needs to keep on uh pretending I have a platonic thing, and that's why I'm in this kind of uh experience where someone's really pissed at me for being dishonest. Right. So, yay, everyone. Thank you for joining. Does anyone have any questions or anything? I am so stoked to share with you. Thank you. Uh Ekai said it's always fun listening and seeing you. Thank you for sharing the love. I love and appreciate everything about you. Thank you. I feel the same. I feel so grateful for all of my friends. I feel grateful for everything as it unfolds so perfectly and fun too. It comes around so fun. Yes, thank you. Oh, yay. Thanks so much. Okay, I'm gonna be back uh next week. I'll be back in Washington. I'm super stoked to go back, by the way. I just love that. Um, another three and a half months, it looks like around three months over there. And then uh I'll be doing my regular schedule while I'm over there. I'll be doing wisdom dialogues on Sundays three to five. That's Pacific time, and then ACIM deep dive Wednesdays three to five, also Pacific time. This goes live on Zoom, it goes live on Substack. Recordings are posted later. Those sit on Substack, they also sit on YouTube, and the audios go all across audio players, Spotify being one of them. Also, I did a wisdom dialogue last week, was not recorded except audio. That'll only be across audio channels. That'll be the one down in Capoho. I had two here while I was around this area. So go to hopejohnson.org for everything you want. Hope Johnson. I also do uh one-to-ones, live-ins, check out my services there, and also I have a donation tab. I am a nonprofit ministry called Hope Johnson Ministry. So yay, I think there's tax deductions for you in that. Yay, thank you, everyone. Mahalo. Oh, I love you. Thank you. Ahooy ho. Woo! Hooray. Let us play.