From Manipulation To Miracles: Choosing Vision Over Strategy | Wisdom Dialogues @ Lake Whatcom, WA | February 25, 2026

What if every trigger—family tensions, romantic chemistry, even a head cold—wasn’t a problem to fix but an invitation to wake up? Coming back from three lively weeks in Hawai‘i, I walked straight into a field of patterns: subtle manipulations, the rush of attraction, and a familiar fear of not being liked. Instead of bracing, I practiced relaxing into each wave, letting breath turn reactivity into clarity. That’s where the big shifts happened: asking for what I want without “doing nice,” witnessing strategies without blame, and letting relationships mirror the self-talk I still tolerate.

A raw, tender moment with my son opened a doorway. After he called me “embarrassing” in public, we unpacked kindness versus performance, and by morning the energy had softened. That arc—feel, breathe, see—became a template for everything, including sickness. Symptoms surfaced as symbols, not verdicts, pointing to an avoided thought about being seen. When I caught the story, the charge dissolved. We dig into ACIM insights, from listening instead of strategizing to understanding why miracles are involuntary. We touch the “masters” lore as a pointer to vision: deny false causation without denying experience, and respect the world you made while gently undoing its limits.

We also get practical. Food, bodies, diagnoses—none dictate our peace. Testing beliefs with bravado is another ego trick; gentleness and listening work better. If sweets or fast food feel like a spiral, meet the urge without shame and ask what sweetness you’re withholding from yourself. And on love: I’m practicing keeping the feeling of falling in love regardless of outcomes, letting people be catalysts without making them the source. It’s a surrender the ego resists, but it’s where freedom lives.

If this resonates, share it with someone who’s ready to trade strategies for vision. Subscribe for more deep dives, leave a review to help others find the show, and tell me: which pattern are you ready to see through next?

Transcript

Return From Hawai‘i And Energy Patterns

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Aloha and welcome to Wisdom Dialogues with Hope Johnson coming to you from Lake Whatcom, Washington. Yay! Yay! I'm so happy to be here. Thank you for joining. I love you. Yes, as you know, as you may know, I just returned. This is my first wisdom dialogue since I've been back here in Washington. I was visiting Hawai'i for three weeks. And it was so much fun. It was so much, so eventful. Oh my goodness. The patterns that show up. Uh you probably know I have uh lots of friends over there, lots of uh energy, lots of love. It was super soupy and loving and uh seeing patterns in a fun and playful way. There's not so much of that um interrelational patterning when I'm over here at the lake house. I notice it's just like really mellow. It's uh it's fun that I seem to be in a space where I'm not engaging very much with people. And then when I went to Hawaii for three weeks, it was whoa, family members, uh, previous lover, just like oh my goodness, interacting with uh my husband Tony again. Uh wow, it was so uh it was so uh eventful, especially in terms of energy, energy at play and getting to see and recognize patterns and not play into patterns. And you know, these are uh you could say collective emotional patterns. Uh Bertie was sharing on here that whatever is on her mind is not personal. It's not personal to her. Uh, it's just collective emotional patterning, and we get to see how we uh kind of lazily, it kind of looks like laziness, unconsciousness, not watching, fall into regular patternings that feel like uh, you know, normalized, even feel like uh safety, you know, safety in terms of we all want connection. I mean, truly, we want connection to our source. And that comes through interacting with one another and revealing how we deny our source, we're programmed that way, we're trained that way. You can say it's hardwired or ingrained, although nothing is too strong for the light that we are, nothing is uh more powerful than the light that we are. It's just a matter of awareness, it's uh it's a matter of being aware of these things and willing to see that no one's at fault, no one's to blame, not yourself, not another person, and just objectively lovingly seeing how you're being invited into patterns and come conscious within that. All right, come conscious within the being invited into patterns, and you know, the way we're invited is not specifically in what uh anyone says or does, it's an energetic thing, so there's an energy play underneath all the words and actions, and when you're seeing the energy play and you're noticing the energy play, most people relate through strategies, they want something from you, they might not be aware of it, most of them are not aware of it, okay, because they're operating from a mindset of

Collective Emotions And Nonblame Awareness

SPEAKER_01 4:30

benefit and threat still. So there's this undercurrent of what can I get out of this, and you know, you could see these strategies, and in seeing them, you don't get pulled into them, uh, you know, because there's this uh there's this feeling when you're being invited to play, uh, like that's really exciting. For one thing, there's this sense like, oh, that's really exciting. So, you know, for me, I I've just through experience and following that excitement is great. It's just done with awareness, and that's what changes everything. It's seeing that uh any sense of pull or attraction or repulsion in the field, uh, it's all just for seeing, it's all just for feeling and seeing. So basically, you know, you've already succeeded, like uh you're you've already succeeded in life, you don't have anything else to do, but recognize your patterning, see, and you know, the people in the field, you've trained them to reflect your patterning. That's all you've trained them to reflect that back to you. It's not so that you can um have any certain type of relating with them or any certain status with them or anything like that, it's just revealing to you what you normally tolerate in terms of self-talk. See? So if the self-talk is such that you are unworthy and you're getting a sense of excitement, you're going to automatically believe that that excitement is sourced in the other person that it seems like the pull is coming from. See? So when you recognize that feeling is already in you, it is who you are, it doesn't have anything to do with that person. The love, the uh you could say ecstatic bliss experience actually goes deeper and it goes through, it weaves through all of the seeming uh fluctuations in the energy field. It weaves right through that, so it's not like any feeling is uh needing to be rejected, and that's that's been the crux of what I've been seeing lately is when people don't feel uh the sense of certainty that they are all of this, that they really are all of this, and they lose that sense of certainty that they're all of this, every single time it's because of resisting a feeling, it's because it's a sense that something is wrong, and spiritually believing that nothing should be wrong, and the truth is the overall umbrella truth is nothing is wrong, and then your sense that something is wrong is actually useful, it doesn't mean that something is actually wrong, uh, in a sense, you know, you could also say something is wrong because you're believing something about yourself that isn't true. And this upset feeling is giving you the opportunity to see what that is so it could be released. See, so that's why when it's when an upset feeling is met with joyful presence, it's almost like it's allowed

Strategies, Attraction, And Staying Conscious

SPEAKER_01 9:00

to burn through illusions. That's the kind of sense that it is. It's kind of like a white fire or a holy fire burning away misconceptions about yourself. The idea that you're not powerful, the identity is what gets threatened from seeing the patterns, and you know, people sometimes ask me, what do you do when another person is displaying these patterns, like these invitations, like you recognize what it is, and you know, it's the same for me all the time. I'm noticing what's arising in my field and embracing this sense of self that I made, not resisting the sense of self and listening. There's two guides in the mind: one's the ego, one's the spirit. Right, the spirit's voice leads to vision. That's where you see yourself and others as let's say the risen self instead of as the selves that we made. You know, and and sometimes, you know, I can I encounter with friends who don't want to see their patterns. If they don't want to see their patterns, that's okay. I don't force it on them. You know, just go, okay, check. They don't want to see that pattern right now. So it's not a matter of moving away from them. That's something that people talk about moving away from them. I don't find myself moving at all. I find myself being perfectly still and letting the energies move around me. You know, that might that might look like I'm moving physically, you know, that might even look like I'm reaching out to someone. But when it's always coming from a place of sincerity, that's the key. The coming from a place of sincerity, I want to see this in the light of truth. I want to see myself and my brother guiltless. And it's simple like that. And you're not wrestling with any anxiety over what you're gonna do or say.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

There's no anxiety about that.

SPEAKER_01 12:18

Sometimes my friends hear it here on w on wisdom dialogues what dynamics I'm playing, and they hear it and they go shit, that's me. I know it's not really you. And one thing my friends reflect back to me is yeah, when I'm hanging out with you, I never notice anything passive aggressive. And then I hear you talk about stuff, and it sounds like I'm so terrible, like they're so terrible. And I go, well, that's because there's no judgment in what I'm sharing. I'm sharing patterning. So the reason why when we're relating in person, you don't sense any passive aggressive, that's because there's no judgment about it. One of my friends was making his behavior into a problem when he saw my post uh about what was it about? I think it was uh something about like strategies, emotion using emotional strategies, yes, uh, to get warmth and affection and attention, you know. Uh of course, if I'm in a sexual and romantic relationship with someone, they're gonna get a lot more attention than other people. For one thing, that's gonna be really inspiring to me and really exciting, and they're gonna get more attention. So using that hook to get the attention and warmth now, as if something maybe down the road is kind of like, uh no, thank you. You know, it's it's not uh a problem though. And that's what I shared with my friend. I'm like, it's not problematic, it doesn't make any problem uh in our relationship, even it doesn't make any problem, you know, it's just an energy that kind of like makes me smile, and I also notice, and the reason why it's potent for me and why I write about it is because I also noticed how I've played into it in the past. I could see that and then not go there again. See, all this is is the past repeating over and over again, and this is how we collapse it. This is how we collapse this timeline thing by not perpetuating it anymore. So I'm seeing, oh, here it is, and it's so fun to see, too. It's like, yeah, the way we're relating is definitely changing. This pattern is showing me that there's no uh there's no juice in this. There's no juice in uh in uh projecting any of these kinds of feelings over there. Not that I'm saying there's anything wrong with projecting those kinds of feelings. I'm not saying that. And you know what? It's involuntary too. Because it's you know, there's hopefulness there. So it's like it's it it sees through. It's it's like it sees through. This is protective when we could see what patterns are being played, because you could see through, it's like, oh, ew, I don't want to put my energy toward that. Doesn't sound good. And so it's kind of like it gets reeled back in, and that sense, like it's uh, you know, there's this, there's this chemistry and this energetic play with this person, it comes back into center. And and and it's it's really good. It's an awesome energy too. The way it is, the way it

Seeing Self-Talk Reflected In Others

SPEAKER_01 16:30

feels, it's way better than acting something out with that person. You know, it's like it goes in and it infuses the spine, it goes in through the heart, it opens the heart so you're more open, so you're not like putting up boundaries, you're more open, you're open to this energetic play, but the boundaries themselves, they're built in by your mind's functioning in this way. They're automatically built in. There's nothing for you to boundary about. You know, energy is just not going to move in a direction that's hurtful when you can see the exact point where you're you've been choosing to hurt yourself and you just stop doing that. And you know, sometimes that unraveled unravels over time, over repetitive uh practice and awareness in the moment throughout your relationships. So I would say my first really uh interesting unfolding, interesting uh miraculous healing that I witnessed was with my son. I went to visit him in uh Kahului. Is it Kahului? Wailua, it's above Kahului. Uh Wailua, Maui. I was staying in his little one-bedroom place. Sweet little apartment, cute little little apartment, tiny apartment. They're about two grand. There, I don't know how much they cost everywhere. Um, I haven't rented too many places, but uh there was this sense I was perceiving that he was doing these subtle attacks. These subtle attacks, they're definitely um they're definitely there, let's say, in my perception, but they were subtle enough to where it's like, hmm, not anything to respond to, just watching. Right. So he wanted me out there, and that was the big apparent reason for my trip was to go out there and help him sell his car back to the dealership. Apparently, he needed my signature for that. So we did that on the last day. The rest of the days he was working all the time. I was like, I was just uh seeing him in the evenings. I was hanging out, I was having a great time, of course. Um and the last day that we were, well, the last day before the full day we were together, the night before, we went to the dealership to turn the car in and get money for the car. And at the dealership, I questioned the paperwork. The paperwork seemed kind of strange. So um I asked my son, I go, I go, did you understand that paperwork? And I let him know the question I had about it. He's like, Oh, why didn't you say something in there? And I go, I don't know. It's your deal, it's your money. Uh uh, maybe you want to handle it. And and I go, if you want me to mom it up, I will. You know, he's already 24 years old. You want me to mom it up? I will. Uh and he's like, okay, yeah, yeah, mom it up. You know, he's he wants to make sure he gets the deal done right. So I start to make a few comments and ask questions. Go, hey, this uh normally is like this. When you have a contract, you actually have the amount on the contract, the total amount, and not just the payoff amount for the car. Um, and then they and then the man started getting kind of short, and my son goes, Oh no, no, no, no, no. I don't wanna, I don't want to make any waves. So we go out and uh and you know we start talking about it, and uh he goes, Mom, you know what? You're just pretty rude when you're in public. And I'm like, oh, really? That's usually not the reflection I get, but that's fun. Tell me about that. Um, so he said, Yeah, I notice everywhere we go, the way you treat staff, the way you treat people, um, wherever we are, it's like you're entitled. It's like you're entitled to something. You just make them give you the service that you want. And um, yeah, it's not very selfless. So those are the those are the words too. And I was like, oh, okay, well, that's interesting. So so my perception is that whenever you're going around, you're afraid of people not liking you. So you know, I'm not in charge of anything that I say. Uh it just automatically rolls out, you know. Uh

Spirit vs Ego Guidance In Relating

SPEAKER_01 22:00

And and I I just bless everything everyone else says too because it's just so fun and so enlightening. So then I notice the energy shift when I say that, because now it feels like, you know, maybe um there's a sense of he's being attacked, right? I'm noticing an energy shift. I'm like, okay, I noticed that. I immediately downshift. And the way I do that is I just notice my breath and recognize that everything is going awesome. Nothing is going wrong, everything's coming to the surface to be revealed in love, right? So my son also he grew up with me. I could see him practicing, I could see him relaxing as well. So this is very helpful. Of course, it's very helpful. Of course, if one of us isn't relaxing, I just help the other one relax. And he goes, Mom, do you feel offended that I said that you're embarrassing out there? And I go, no, that's not the reason I'm saying that to you. I'm not saying it to you because I'm embarrassed. I'm not saying it to you because I need you to change or anything like that. I'm just letting you know because I know you want to have a happy life. And being afraid of people not liking you is not going to work out. So then that led into a conversation about the difference between kindness and doing nice. See, there was a conversation about, you know, people in the service industry, for one, for the most part, when you tell them what you want, they're happy about that. Because then they can give you what you want. You know, an example is can I have my water without ice? Right? It's like there's this, there's this idea and this uh uh kind of collective conditioning. It seems to be a lot amongst this generation, I don't know what it's called, these 20-somes, maybe teenagers right now. It may have been like a uh COVID conditioning or something like that that says, take what's given. Don't ask for what you want. That's rude. Everywhere I go, you know, I'm like asking for what I want. I just I see that like anywhere I go. I'm like, yeah, I like it like this. You know, I go to the spa and I go, I'd like to do this one first, and this one second, and this one third. Oh, okay, they're all happy. They're happy to accommodate me. Everywhere I went, everyone is everyone is happy to accommodate me. At least that's what it looks like to me. So it really came to uh sweetness, you know, where there was gratitude. And, you know, my son apologized to me for saying that he was embarrassed about me, you know. I think he saw uh the point of view that is more free, more open, you know, because the point of view, the judgment about it, that it was an embarrassment, that I'm being rude and stuff like that. The underpinning of that is this uh almost like a prison cell that says you just take what you're given and keep your mouth shut. That's societal conditioning, too, right? That's the new thing. I noticed. Don't be a Karen. You know, sometimes I get into the most potent deep conversations when I'm asking for what I want too. You know, people are are like, oh I could ask for that too. Right? Maybe I like real maple syrup when I go and uh eat a waffle or something like that, you know? Maybe I like to have heavy cream in my cappuccino instead of regular milk, you know. I just apparently I don't do the cookie cutter stuff.

SPEAKER_00 26:38

That's not what excites me the most.

SPEAKER_01 26:49

So my son was super sweet, he apologized, and I told him, of course, nothing has gone wrong, it's all freaking awesome. Um, and then in the middle of the night, I noticed this sense like shit, I don't feel like going around with him if he's still gonna act embarrassed of me. It almost seemed like he was apologetic in front of everywhere we went, and I was kind of like feeling done with that. So I just uh I was awake, anyways, and it was like four in the morning. So I just started noticing my breath, and I let my breath kind of like uh be hypnotic, let's say. I just let my breath be hypnotic with any of this feeling, like I don't want that, I don't like that. Um, that's one way of you know symbolically embracing the self that's like really clear. I do not want that anymore, right? And just breathing with it. And it was so sweet because first thing in the morning, we both woke up around seven o'clock. And he goes, Hey mom, do you want to go out to that cool uh breakfast place that you found? Uh, this really sweet breakfast place. I loved it. Um, I'm like, Yes, I would love to. I go, you're not embarrassed of me anymore. And he goes, not at all. And so we we had just a great day. We went uh to went to breakfast, went to Yao

Boundaries, Sincerity, And Stillness

SPEAKER_01 28:30

Valley. We got to meet up with my friend Alexia. We all had sushi together. It was just um really sweet from then on out. I even saw him again before I left Big Island. He came out there for a weekend. I saw him again, and it just sweet energy, really sweet energy. Um, shifts around that, ha, don't be a Karen. Uh, shifts around uh that are incredible, incredible. Because, you know, this is something that's been going on for a while. I think I've shared with you guys that the kind of like the template in my house was that I'm on a crazy spiritual path, and um, you know, everyone else just has to deal with me, it kind of. Yeah, Karen. Don't be a Karen. Thank you. Thank you for that. So that seems to be right now, the relationship with my son, with the relationship with my son, it actually seems to be healed. He also brought up how I talk about him on my show, like I'm doing right now. We had a conversation about that. Uh, and you know, I just I just told him, I know that's not easy. I know that's not easy. The thing is, that's what I'm called to do. I'm talking about my relationships, I'm talking about my experiences. If you happen to be my son, I'm gonna say it's my son because that's relevant for people. You know, it's not that the specifics are meaningful, but when you show it in uh in a way like this is the nature of the relationship, that's your son, that's your adult son. Right. So we had a conversation around that, and you know, he saw it. I go, it's not really different from like a stand-up comedian doing their thing and talking about their family. You know, I talk about the people that are in my experiences, and you know, that's it, that's just what I'm called to do. And so you don't have to relate with me. You don't even have to relate with me. I'm not demanding anything. You know, I'm not saying you have to accept this about me. I'm saying I accept this about me. This is the way it is. My experiences are gonna be used to show how to undo these patterns that we've given ourselves that make time spin around and around forever and prevent us from seeing the truth, prevent that prevent us from seeing our reality that's been created for us. I've been shown that this is my ministry, and it's not for me to attain anything. Okay, I I'm just doing as I'm guided, and uh I make a lot of videos, I post a bunch of videos. Apparently, I have more content uh that's been called ACIM content, because that's kind of like the vein that I'm in is ACIM. I definitely a course in miracles for those of you who don't know that acronym. Uh, that's been my main teaching. And on Wednesdays, and coming this Wednesday, and probably very consistent for several months now, I will be diving deep into a course in miracles, which I've been doing since last year. We're on chapter three somewhere. Um, so this has been my main practice and these kinds of videos with basically all these different uh, you know, typical to the energy plays are typical. The specifics aren't really important, but these energy plays are typical. And seeing how we can come together and what I've been noticing with my family, because it's uh been super tumultuous with my family over the years, definitely settling a lot more as of recently. Um, of course, with me exiting the household, you know, that brought up some uh different energies and projections and stuff like that to see through. Um, but because of the practice, because of the experience ongoing with basically uh managing energies. I don't even know if that's the way to say it. Uh, that might not be the right term, but these energies are flowing and fluctuating and changing and being with the changeful flow of the energy with a person, holding it like that. It calms everything down. And more people are practicing this too. Like I noticed with my son, you know, he's shown this real resistance to me over time, but he's a lot like me in the way I could just see him uh doing the work. I could see him relaxing. Basically, doing the work is relaxing. Isn't that funny? That's really what it is. It's relaxing in the moment. It's noticing, okay, the energy is getting agitated here. So you notice your breath, notice your breathing. It's not to resist agitation, it's to become bigger than it and embrace it. As you know, you are bigger than it. It's not like really you're becoming, it's like you're coming into the knowing that you're busy that you're bigger than it, and you can just embrace that feeling, embrace yourself exactly as you are. Okay, now I'm gonna talk about sickness. Okay, that's a that's something that has um definitely been circulating around in my field. For one, while I was at my son's on Maui, one of the first things that came came down is I started sneezing. And then I'm like, oh, that's unusual. There's a lot of sneezing happening, and then the next thing you know, symptoms started to show up and were worsening and stuff like that. Um, so what's going on with that? It didn't end up being a big deal in the physical sense. Of course, I looked at it all as showing me something. What

Romantic Hooks And Emotional Strategies

SPEAKER_01 35:00

is it? Why am I uh projecting this sickness? The sickness itself, it doesn't mean anything, it's not like some kind of uh uh of a mirror that tells you that you've done something wrong. The sickness itself does not mean anything. Uh, and you know, you're giving that to yourself as a symbol that's symbolic. So it's showing you that there's something there that is asking for purification and you've been avoidant toward it. That's all. So it's like now, now open up. So at that point, I opened up uh to what was going on. As you guys can see, there's a lot of layers going on. I'm showing you guys what's going on in my experience. Each life has so many different layers. That's why alertness is definitely important. So I'm noticing what is coming. All I have to do with sickness is go, okay, what is it that I need to see? And then I'll see what's bothering me. That's all. A thought will occur to me, and I'll see what it is. Oh, there, there it is. That's a painful thought. And, you know, in my case, it was this anxiety like of going back to Hawaii and having my feelings on display. Uh, you know, I I still feel this pull or attraction, or I did feel at that time. Uh, it seems to still be there kind of slightly, um, but I seem to have this pull or attraction toward a person, and there was anxiety around him seeing how I felt and dealing with some kind of maybe arrogance or something like that, something that I've seen before. So once I was aware that that was the situation, that that's what that's what seems to be bothersome, then I could know, okay, there's where there's a uh there's a miscreative thought in the field. What's going on? What am I really afraid of? Why would I be afraid of him getting arrogant? Why can't I just feel what I feel? And let that be the case. So it ended up that that's how I approached it. And I didn't know whether I was gonna see this person or not, but it was like everything was just synchronistically lining up this one day and then another day. And I was just like, okay, that energy is uh ready to be at play, let's say that play is uh is ready to go down. Um, so I'm just aware of the fluctuations in that and not needing to uh, like I said earlier, make it about a person. See by the time I arrived over on the big island, it felt easy. Whatever it is that comes up, it's just gonna be embraced as it is, and nothing has to uh nothing has to be managed, no outcome has to occur, anything like that.

SPEAKER_00 38:44

Okay, question.

SPEAKER_01 38:45

I have this floating anxiety that something is gonna happen to my baby. Yay, that's a fun one. As it seems like I love her more than myself, and it's scary to think that she's vulnerable, even though I know it's a miscreative thought. Okay, so here's what I recommend on that. Go to worst case scenario. Okay, your mind's spinning it anyways. Go to worst case scenario and ask to see that everything is still okay in the worst case scenario. That's what I did with my kids. I thought it was amazing. I mean, just seeing that nothing disturbs my peace. See, this is gonna be hanging out in the background, this fear of something happening to your baby, as long as you believe that something can disturb your peace. So that thought is popping up to show you that. So it also puts you in the zone of cherish every moment. This is not meant to last, it's so fleeting. You could look at the you could look at it like this, especially at the stage of a baby. That fucker is dying all the time. The way they are now is so changeful, they're never the same. And really, no one is. You can look at everyone like that. No one's ever the same. They're more like a river that you're experiencing, and then that gives you the kind of reverence for your relationships that really make them fulfilling. And you know, I've seen uh, you know, I have I have three kids apparently, and I'm really aware of how many times I say I. I've I'm so aware of that, it's so trippy. I don't know if I'm gonna change it to not saying I because uh because you know, I'm so aware of it, it's just in the speech automatically, and uh it's like I know I'm not actually that I. So I don't want to confuse you guys though. Anyways, here's here's here's what I noticed. Okay, with my kids, uh nothing ever bothers me that they do. Uh, and that's just because of practicing all, you know, anything that happens, anything, whatever. My daughter was getting her sixth abortion while I was there. And she's real comical about it too. It's uh it's pretty cute. Um, she talks about bringing chocolates in and whether they have uh uh whether they have a punch card, you know. Not that she ever pays for any of those because they're totally free. You can have as many abortions as you want, apparently. So, anyways, here's what I noticed. With three apparent kids, ages 33, 24, and 17. Okay, when I have approached my meeting them like this, and this is how I approach meeting anyone, it could be the last time, right? Could be the last time. You never know what's gonna go down. So when things shift, like when they stop talking to me, you know, my son stopped talking to me for maybe a couple of months, I feel complete. I just feel complete. The same thing occurred with Fairyland, where I used to live over there on Hinala Street, where it got covered by lava. I spent so much time in my gardens being thankful, knowing that it's passing, knowing that it's not meant to last. And that's how everything is, that's how every relating is not meant

Healing A Rift With My Son

SPEAKER_01 43:00

to last. When it got to taken by lava, there was not this sense of incomplete. I just felt complete. I felt complete with the whole experience. See, so don't resist the feeling. That's what I've been talking about lately, and you know, that's something I've been practicing all along. Like you can see with these senses, like, oh my god, my son, you know, my my son, who's 17 right now, used to play on the roof when he was four. And that's where I got a large sense of anxiety. He's gonna fall off the roof, and that's where I got a really deep opening, too. Because the spirit showed me, go in the house and take care of yourself right now. Because you're projecting all kinds of fear. You think of that story often, yeah. I notice how I'm projecting. Him falling off the roof. And what am I really afraid of, really, underneath all of that? Right? And you see what it is. For everyone, it could be different. For me, it was not even uh losing my son. It was how people would judge me for letting him play on the roof. That was the best. That was awesome to see. But you know, you can't see something like that unless you're willing to be really accepting of yourself. You know, most of us aren't accepting of ourselves enough to see what's going on. See, we can't see what kind of ego strategy strategies and manipulation is being played through our own consciousness. Because we're afraid of being that. We're afraid of being something vile. The ego is vile. That's how it is, but that's not us. Only reason for these bodies is awakening this mind, awakening this one mind. It's the only reason for them. Thank you, Karen. Thank you for being here with me. I love you. She said, I love your candor. Don't know what that means, but it sounds awesome. There's so many words with so many different meanings. Gosh, it's so fun. I feel the love. Thank you. Thank you, Karen. Ah. So I got to stay with my friend Marina, which for that time was just like, oh my gosh, I get to stay with Marina. So fun. Um I spent when I spent my week with Blaze, Blaze is uh, that's my son's name, by the way. Uh he's like a straight arrow kind of guy. He doesn't drink any alcohol, he doesn't smoke any uh marijuana, he smokes a little bit of uh vape now and again. He'll buy one and then throw it away and then buy one again and throw it away. Like that kind of that kind of vibe. Um, so I wasn't having any ganja or um or alcohol that whole week. I just kind of like adapt to whatever situation is occurring. It uh, you know, however it is, is like however it's easeful. And then I get to the big island and I'm staying with Marina, and Marina just has all the ganja. She rolls me spliffs. The next thing you know, I'm having spliffs and um down there. It's a totally different vibe. Um, going to the beach every day, doing block therapy with Marina and going to the beach every day and going dancing, um having amazing dances. Wow, what a blessing to uh be in a dance community or just to visit it. That's fun too. Everything seems to get a little bit more hush as you're there in the same place all the time. But when you just go over there to visit, wow, that's exciting! Uh going to a dance community. Oh, thank you, Caitlin. Ask me anything you want. I love it. Um so definitely felt the vibes of just some sweet connection, some sweet dances. Got to hang out with Billy and Casey over there. They're the ones whose house I'm staying in over here, and I will be staying in their house over there. Um come July. No, no, not July, May. In May, I'll be staying over there. So I'll be on the big island, May to probably beginning of October when I'll go to Sri Lanka, I think. That's what it looks like. So just cruising around these different places, whatever it is, and and and watching um what what I do get into in the different places. You know what, what what does come up? What what kind of uh luxurious things can I explore? I love luxury, apparently. Living on this lake is definitely luxurious. I'm so grateful to be here. It's cave time all the time, pretty much. So, anyways, I was out in the field where it is just uh kind of uh loud. There's people, there's events, there's all kinds of things going on. Um, going and meeting with different people, doing a couple of wisdom dialogues over there, going out to eat with people, going to the beach, having a big party like that. Um yeah, super relaxing though, just because there's always a willingness to relax into the presence, the truth of what is. You know, the farmers' markets, um hugging everyone, meeting everyone again, so much fun out in the jungle at Leah's place, meeting my sweet community where I first started Wisdom Dialogues, getting to hang out with them and spend the night with Leia too, seeing through some different things with Leia. That was so much fun. She opened up to me so much that night. Uh, it was just there was just such a breakthrough there. Um, in seeing patterns around trying to protect the body. That's a really wonderful um thing to see. It's like it's not saying you can't do something to protect the body, it's just in recognizing that what you are doing is a magic trick. And what is attacking the body is not these things in the world. It is our thinking. It's only always our thinking. So this sincere willingness to get back to recognizing what thinking patterns we're being invited into and what thinking patterns we're playing into gives us the ability to transform. Basically, transform anything that seems like it shouldn't be there, let's say. Uh, I was really inspired by the masters of the, I forgot what it's called. There's a book series called like something like the masters of the Middle East, or I don't know, something like that. Anyways, I was really inspired by their testimony about uh being with these enlightened beings who didn't

Kindness vs Doing Nice In Public

SPEAKER_01 51:00

have to have anything on them that they didn't want, not even dirt. They didn't need to take showers, they didn't need to have any aging on them, they didn't need to have any scarring uh or any kind of um deformity either. So these things that we seem to see, they're only an effect of miscreation. When we're only seeing them as an effect of miscreation, we're actually undoing what's making this. You know, this takes a this takes willingness. It's a it's a certain um, uh let's say it's a certain uh humility and willingness to see beyond what's appearing now. It's to have that vision. Bertie says, life and teaching of teachings of the masters of the Far East. Thank you, Bertie. That's very helpful. Yes, that's the one. Um, and when I read that, it resonated with me so deeply. I was like, that's what it is. And you know, it's like we just haven't seen it to that point yet, but we will. Time is given us for our willingness, right? So when we seem to think that things affect affect us, things in the world affect us, like let's say gravity seems to affect us, right? It's like you can respect gravity while still recognizing that that's a limitation you gave yourself. You see what I mean? It's like re respecting that uh there's no ocean, really. You know, it's all it's all made of energy. You can't really drown anyone, any anyone really, but you still respect it, right? Because you made it to seem powerful to yourself and you believe in it. That's why it seems to be there. See, so undoing belief takes a certain kind of denial. It's not the kind of denial people use when they're spiritual bypassing, though.

SPEAKER_00 53:37

It's not that kind of denial, right?

SPEAKER_01 53:45

You put the ocean right there in front of you, you put the body right there, you orchestrated all that, you're orchestrating all of it. But that doesn't mean you should try to tempt it by testing it. It's not like that. You know, someone might hear that food doesn't affect your body and go, oh, good, I'm just gonna eat McDonald's all the time, right? That's what I mean by testing it. We want to be in a place where we're just listening to what's the most peaceful, let's say, thing to eat right now. What thing to eat is the most ah in my system right now. Ah you know, if I'm afraid of gluten, and one of the things, one of the options is a bagel, and it's not gluten-free, then that's not very relaxing for me to eat the bagel. That doesn't happen with me, by the way. And I find myself going through phases of what is the most aw thing. Ah. Right? Apparently, today it was bacon with eggs and mushrooms. Mmm. And a cappuccino. See, it doesn't matter. It doesn't really matter. Because when the listening is strong, whatever you seem to consume is the right thing to consume. And if you seem to get any tummy ache or any kind of sickness from something that you ate, that's when you recognize it's not the thing you ate. It doesn't mean to go and try to eat it again. You'll probably find yourself eating it again at some point, but it's a chance to recognize oh, that's meant to distract. What is it that I need to see? What is it? And it's always something. You'll see. The thought will come up and it'll be a painful thought. If you'll look at it, you'll see, and you may see more underneath it. I was talking with a friend recently who once, you know, it's like, well, what is it that's supporting that upset feeling? Like for me, it was like, what is it that's supporting this anxiety? Look at those thoughts. What's supporting that anxiety? And and then, and then I start to see the thoughts that are supporting it. It's like, I don't want to get into some kind of unconscious dance with them again. I don't want him to uh see how much I still am uh, I guess you would say, drawn, uh, feel chemistry, feel chemistry that's with him, I guess, passion, something like that. And when it was revealed that none of that stuff matters, I had to see the thoughts though, I had to see what they were. And once I saw what they were, it was just obvious. Oh, those don't mean anything. But in the unconscious, unwatched mind, there's layers

Completion, Impermanence, And Parenting

SPEAKER_01 58:01

of miscreative thoughts. So this is how we get to see them. The sickness, the symptoms, those pass away. They cannot be there when the guilt is purified. And eventually, no sickness can be tolerated by your mind. That's why what it means when it talks about how Jesus didn't tolerate sickness, so he couldn't perceive it. So that's hit the sight. He couldn't even perceive it, not in himself, not in anyone. That's our goal, and we're going to our goal just naturally. That's why uh I'm always talking about relaxing, because it's kind of like a current leading to the goal, and it requires relaxation uh in order for the current to move you. It requires relaxation. Also, if you're not willing to relax, it's kind of like you get torn back by those currents because that unwillingness to relax makes the currents uh feel strong. You know, it's kind of like if you're it's kind of like if you're not going with it. Like, look at if your body's surfing and a wave's coming, you're trying to go the other way, uh, and you don't know how to dive under a wave. Um it's gonna take you longer and you're gonna feel more beat up, basically, if you're not willing to relax through all the stories, through all the scenarios. Um spiritual bypassing is a thing that people do. And I believe, you know, I've done it too, um, probably for uh for quite a while. It seems like I was doing both for a while. Like there were certain things I was like, okay, I'm gonna keep those on the spiritual bypass, and these things I'm gonna meet. Not nothing wrong with this at all. Nothing at all wrong. Um, it's just a phase. You know, and seeing that and learning to see that all is one, you know, is just a phase of, oh, I'm just not gonna let that touch me. You know, if I see anything that's a special relationship, or if I see anything, uh any pain or sickness or uh dis-ease or anything like that in the field, I'm just gonna say it's not there. And you know, that's fine. That works for a while, it seems to work for a while. It's just that it doesn't undo anything, and eventually things become more frustrating. Because inside it's kind of like, when is this gonna end? Am I doing anything to help this end? Yeah, because we want to see, we want to meet it, we want to uh meet the world as it is, as we've made it with the projections as they are. And you know, when there's no blame in it, you can look honestly at the patterns that are being played. These are dynamics when we're talking about relationships with people, these are dynamics that we're playing. One of my friends asked me, Well, I see this person playing, they're obviously playing a game. And what should I do? Should I bring it up to them and uh and tell them about it? Or is this just my projection? You know, that's one of the things that gets tricky for people. It's like if I have a perception of someone playing a game in my experience, is it just my projection? Right? It's like yes and no, yes and no. You don't see them truly. What you're perceiving is their self-image, and you can perceive their self-image, the self-image through that that they made through the lens of the self-image that you made for yourself, and witnessing that, right? That's the one with all the judgments, all the uh all the shoulds and shouldn't, and rights and wrongs and all that. Or you can actually view the patterns, view the dynamics that are arising with Christ's vision. See, that's different. That's not saying anyone should be uh held accountable or anything like that. You know, they may want to hold themselves accountable, that's not up to me. If they want to, they can. It's not any kind of pressure in that regard at all. And whether or not they hear about it or it's brought up to them, that's totally up to uh what's the most helpful in the moment. So I don't try to decide. I don't try to decide uh what they need to hear. I don't know what they need to hear. I know whatever it is that I seem to share, they definitely need to hear. That's how that goes. But in the moment, like I'm not trying to strategize. And this is what a Course in Miracles talks about when it says miracles should be involuntary. So we're not strategizing on who needs a miracle, what form of miracle they need, or anything. So then there's just allowing the words to unfold just as they do. If it if they do, it's not necessary. Uh it's not necessary to say anything unless it feels guided. And if you find yourself saying anything that doesn't feel guided, that's also perfect. Okay, still guided, it's just guided by the ego. When you get the sense that it doesn't feel guided, it's likely that it's guided by the ego.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:38

Not all the time.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:47

Because there's some times where you're guided, you're being guided into right action, and you're also resisting right action at the same time, which is you know, basically because you're holding someone as not deserving that right action, not deserving that blessing, you can say, and the blessing is seeing them as harmless, seeing them as helpful, right? Not even just harmless, but helpful. That's that's how it is for me. I can recognize how everyone is so helpful to me. That's why it's not problematic for me at all when someone plays a manipulative pattern with me. I mean, geez, if it was problematic for me, I would not be able to hang out with anyone.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:46

See.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:51

And you know, the reason why I could see too, and someone's playing a manipulative pattern with me is because I could recognize the

Sickness As Symbol And Purification

SPEAKER_01 1:06:00

Manipulation that arises in my mind. It's just that I don't identify with it, so I could see it easily. And I'm like, oh, okay, that's fun. So it's not something that I'm uh trying to manage or get an outcome from. I'm just seeing, oh, there's a strategy. Oh, I see it. It's not right, it's not wrong, but seeing it makes it so it's ineffective. It's not gonna work. It's never working to get us what we want, anyways, but it's not gonna even work as a strategy at play because it's seeing that that strategy is leading to nothing that I want. And every strategy is like that. That's what makes it really easy. That's what makes it really relaxing, just listening for the guidance. And you know, so someone might ask, whose guidance is it? And you know, one way of looking at it, it's all symbolic because it's all us, it's coming from our own mind. Uh, one way of looking at it from this point of view is Jesus, let's say Jesus, to give it a name, uh, he doesn't really care, he's not really a hymn. Um, let's say it's a field of awareness, and each of us is projecting through a field of awareness. So let's say the goal is to line our align our individual field of awareness with the Christ field of awareness that is in our mind, right? That doesn't mean we become Him. You know, each of us is an individualized expression of the divine. So our field of awareness is distinct. It's distinct from all other fields of awareness. And when one field of awareness moves toward alignment with the Christ's field of awareness, it un it uplifts the collective consciousness, and it's very powerful. Just one, just one, one person aligning fully, you know, alignment as in doing God's will, right? Knowing that's the only will you want, aligning fully with the Christ field of awareness, that's all it takes to undo this whole world. One you know why? Because it's already undone. That's actually you just seeing what's actually occurred. So speaking of collective consciousness, um Been noticing from being on Facebook and also reading a few headlines. Apparently, uh the Jeffrey Epstein things are in the news right now. And uh yeah. What I I haven't done any research on this, like I don't know about about evidence or anything like that. Doesn't even matter to me. It does not matter. Uh what I'm seeing is that the collective consciousness is getting disillusioned. That's what I'm noticing. The collective consciousness is kind of like, what in the world is running this world? And you know, that's something that's been apparent to me. I wasn't able to uh tell exactly what it was or anything like that, but it's been apparent to me for over 30 years. I just noticed it one time when I was sitting in my parents' house watching the they were watching the news, they had the news on, and I just go, who are they even talking to? It seems like they're talking to stupid people who is listening to this stuff. This is weird. I just thought it was super eerie and creepy, you know. It just looked like, and I didn't have the words for it, but it looked like mind control. And ever since I was a I was a kid, I've always had this aversion to this sense that someone's trying to control the mind, you know, and I I'd see that even when I was in the cult, when I was kind of like in this institution where I'd go and there were a bunch of kids in the uh in this large house, and just the way they were doing is like, ooh. And when I'm in a hospital, same kind of eerie. It's like, whoa, what is going on here? So this is this is good. Getting disillusioned is awesome because see what uh what the whole system of uh let's say limitation, you could say control too, system of control. Okay. Uh yes, people want to be in control. That's how the ego operates. All right, yay. Uh, that's not a not not a problem for any of us, right? It's not really a problem because it's in the perception and every everything perceived can be changed and actually isn't the way it seems in the first place. Okay. So when we're recognizing these kinds of things, and we're recognizing, I know one was holy shit, some people get it this way, they're poisoning us with through the food. They're shit. And now I'm seeing I've, you know, I've I saw this like 30 years ago, and now I'm seeing reels of people going, do you know what's in this stuff? Do you know what's in this food? You know, back then it was like uh you were a crazy person if you talked about this gradual poisoning through the food, and that's what it looks like. It looks like gradual poisoning. Uh, it looks like intent, actually. Uh, is it intent? You know what? It's all an illusion. It really, you know, it's there's no reason to um decide. There's no reason to decide. There's noticing the play, noticing the energy. Okay, uh, what happens? A bunch of eat people eat this kind of food, they seem to have trouble with their weight, they seem to be um in a that wanting to stay in a comfort zone. And that's the thing that keeps these systems of limitations in this uh in this assumed power, perceived power. People just want to go to their comfort zone. And that's different from react this, that's different from relaxing uh and in feeling what you actually don't like. This comfort zone that people like to get into with their TV and their junk food and all their stuff like that. It's an avoidance strategy. It's actually this sadness and this fear being pushed down by all these kinds of uh ways and the, you know, living these kinds of lifestyles where I just want my comfort. I just want my comfort. That's why I love to get the sense like I got out of my comfort zone. That's one thing um traveling is good for, just letting yourself get out of your comfort comfort zone. It's like you're going over there now and you're doing things the way they're done over there. You don't have to try to like scrap to get all your comforts in order. Um, that teaches you to embrace what's coming up right now rather than run to dulling,

Allowing Chemistry Without Story

SPEAKER_01 1:14:00

you know, this dulling thing. And, you know, it's not in the actual ingredients, it's not the ingredients themselves, it is the vibration. That's what everything breaks down to. It's this vibration and how you are even consuming it. You know, like let's say I had I had fast food. I don't know when the last time I have had the perception of wanting fast food uh was I may have had a bite of my son's fries and just go, oh, that does not even taste good to me. Um uh but you know, if I found myself eating fast food, who knows what kind of situation I'm in and I find myself eating fast food, um I'm not gonna trip out on I'm eating a bunch of poison and stuff like that. Because my mind is way more powerful than that. And if I'm not eating it for the purpose of doling and numbing myself, see how it's your mind? If you're eating it for the purpose of doling and numbing yourself, notice why you're doing it. Are you uncomfortable? Are you trying to fill a void? What is it? It doesn't mean you you stop doing it. I'm talking about alertness. That's all. You may be starting with that. Maybe maybe like, you may be like, hope, you know, fast foods, that seems to be my weakness. I seem to go out and get fast foods all the time. Great. Work with that. Here's how you work with it. No shame in it, absolutely no shame. Uh, you're aware of what the apparent ingredients are in the in that food, and you're aware that there's no way it can have effects on your body. It's not cannot make effects on your body. Also, uh, what is it that you're trying to cover up with it? Sweets are the same way. If you're not being sweet to yourself, you're gonna find yourself all overindulging in sweet stuff. What do I mean by overindulging? It doesn't feel like it hits that excitement note, it feels more like stuffing, stuffing it in, right? It's not having this enjoyment note to it. That's all. So it's not a matter of judging yourself, but noticing how am I not being sweet to myself? How am I taking myself uh to be an illusion? That's it, you know, that's gonna drive you to eat fast food. I had that habit when I was uh in my early 20s. This thing would cycle around where I'd be shaming myself. It was really, it was really trip. It would just, I'd have this great energy, friendly, loving, and everything. And then one day, maybe one day a month, maybe once every two weeks, I don't know, would hit. And I would be in this state where I just feel terrible about myself. And when I felt terrible about myself, what did I do? I went to fast food restaurants one after the other in the drive-thru and just eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat. I was maybe like 20 years old. And I noticed that I didn't run, I didn't notice that it was a pattern yet. I didn't see it like that. I saw it like a weakness. Um, and that's the thing. If you're seeing it as a weakness, you're not gonna be able to see the patterns at play. It's actually perfect exactly as it is. You know, if you're first embracing and you're accepting exactly what it is, that's what's gonna help you to ultimately see the patterns that are driving you to basically be doing something you don't want to do. Funny thing, there's not very many people who would say, I want to be eating fast food, at least not in my sphere. Uh, people when they find themselves doing it, they're like, oh, I shouldn't be doing that. See, that's not really the way to approach it, though. You approach it like this is perfect for showing me what I'm not allowing for myself. You're not allowing something for yourself, and it's just in thought. Like, and it's funny how the sabotage is because I'd be down on myself in the first place. I lived in Orange County, so my body was never good enough, apparently. Apparently, that's the kind of uh mindset that lives in Orange County, California. Your body is never good enough. It does not matter how fucking good you think you got it, it's just not ideal, it's not quite ideal, and guys will tell you that. Uh, you know, it's just not you if you think that your body is ideal, they'll let you know how it's not ideal. So, anyways, that was my perception. You guys might have a totally different perception of Orange County. That just occurred to me. That's my experience of perception. So it seemed like my body wasn't ideal, and what would I do? Go eat a bunch of fast food, which seemed like it was gonna make me fat. So it's like a perfect sabotage, and it's so making illusions true. Look at that, right? First, my body isn't ideal, and you know, it's it was all in me. I could have seen that my body is ideal, but I didn't see it back then. Your body's always ideal, it can't be another way. So uh, so not seeing what what the truth was that there's nothing wrong with my body. I would get

ACIM Practice And Family Softening

SPEAKER_01 1:20:00

pissed at the dudes. I would split. I'd be like, oh yeah, you got comments about my body? That's the last time you see it, Faka. And I'd leave. I'd they wouldn't even see me again. You know, that's also a densely populated place. So it's unlikely you're gonna run into people, unless you need to, of course. Um, but I would many times not see him again. I would just go, what a fucking punk, man. What does he think he's so cute about? And later on, I'm walking on. Uh, but you know, still there was the suffering over it, which was the eating of the food. It's like this feeling of like emptiness, like you don't you're not good enough. And that came back around for me too, uh, just recently. You know, back then I was like, I don't know, 17 to 20 or something like that. I met Tony when I was 21. He never had anything, any bad thing to say about my body. And then I get into it again, um, getting into a relationship, and the guy doesn't know what's going on. He's tripping out, doesn't know this feeling, falling in love, and he's going, uh, your body's too old. I'm like, what makes no sense? Anyways, I didn't believe it this time. I was like, that actually makes no sense. That's actually funny. Um first time he said it, I go, oh, okay, well, good to know. We don't need to engage like that anymore. And then the story changed. And it changed and it changed and it changed again. Um, but you know, looking at it, then that didn't have anything to do with my body. It actually didn't have anything to do with it. It was just something that was a pattern that I had played that I needed to see again and go, no, that is not really true. That actually makes no sense. And, you know, it's like, but the evidence is there. You're 14 years older than him, you got wrinklier skin than him, but the evidence is clear. No, that shit doesn't matter. We're just like energies and these dynamics are at play. They're bringing things up that need to be brought to the surface. Comes to mind too. Because, you know, when someone's using something like that, that is a a reflection of some deep insecurity. You know, compassion arises naturally for the sweeties, sweet dudes I interacted with in Orange County. What were they going through that they needed to judge my body and how I needed to lose five pounds? Right? What kind of conditioning were they going through where that was like an outlet for them? So they didn't have to deal with their own insecurity. That's what projection always is. And you know, I didn't get it at that time, but one thing that I knew about myself is I was not into making anyone feel insecure about their physical appearance, so I didn't get it. I'm like, what is wrong? Just to try to oh, by the way, your body isn't ideal for this. Really?

SPEAKER_00 1:23:52

That actually makes no sense to me.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:01

I didn't notice one time when I was in high school, I was dating this guy. His name was Floyd. I thought that was a cool name. And uh, he was a cutie, he had a really cute face, apparently. That's that's my judgment. Anything that we do like that is judgment. Uh cute face. I mean, what it that comes from two eyes in a certain place that look like this, cheekbones like this, or whatever it is it all converges to. Oh, that's a cute face to me. And that's fine. Um, really cute face. I never looked at his ass, apparently. I don't know why I didn't look at his ass. I guess I like face. I like faces. So my friends were like, hey, hope, do you realize that Floyd's got a huge ass? I'm like, I don't, I can't even picture his ass. You're looking at his ass? Yeah, he's got a fat ass for a dude. It's kind of like a chick's ass. And I'm like, no shit. Okay. So then I look at it and I'm like, oh yeah. Nothing changed. You know, it's like that's a that's kind of like a high school thing. It's like, oh, I don't like you because of this, oh, I don't like you because of this, oh, I don't like you because of this. It's never like that. It's just dynamics at play. That's not really true. Even if your mind tells you you don't like someone because they're this or cause they're that or anything like that. No, it's dynamics and chemistry at play. None of that stuff matters.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:01

It's the ego like mind that likes to pretend like it's something, some reason why it's not time for love right now.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:15

Really, the ego is always getting prepared to love. And the ego's never gonna be ready to love. So people who identify as an ego, they're never gonna be ready for love until they're done identifying as an ego. And you know, a lot of spiritual people identify as an ego. I mean, they're just saying it. I'm not I'm not just saying they're identifying as an ego without like they're actually going, my ego is this, my ego is this, and it becomes an excuse for bad behavior.

Masters, Vision, And Undoing Limits

SPEAKER_01 1:27:02

Oops, sorry about that. Right? I'm just immature, for instance. Seems to be an epidemic of immaturity. And I've had older spiritual dudes tell me that that's just the way it is. I'm like, no, you guys are fucking kidding. That's not the way it is. It's not gonna change in this lifetime, for instance. No, that's not the way it is. We're not seeing it the way it is. And when we're saying that it's stuck like that, when we're predicting we can't get out of our own programming, you are not your programming. I mean, it's just a matter of coming to know that whatever that programming is telling you, like you can't get out of your programming, is for you to decide if that's meaningful or not. You decide right now if that's a meaningful thought or not. Does it limit you? Man, I don't mind seeing myself say limiting thoughts. Because then they're revealed and it's like, oh, that isn't true. Yay. It doesn't mean anything on you.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:36

But just recognizing that that is a limitation.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:46

And holding on to that limitation is what holds certain energies in place. You know, it's really insincere to say that your ego is responsible.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:02

You know, being responsible is taking responsibility, like, oh shit. I want to see what's making me act like that.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:19

It's fun. You have to accept that there's nothing wrong with acting like that first. Whatever it is. And if you want to see the underlying thought patterns that you follow that cause you to act in a certain way that seems to be harmful. It seemed like, wow, that was very hurtful when he saw the game he was doing with emotional energy, using emotional energy, he's like, wow. You know, it seems like it's very hurtful. I let him know I'm not hurt by it at all. Not even. Uh, if anything, that's been very helpful. You know, it's like uh any kind of pain that I have projected in the past has been useful for me. But it's like at the moment of recognizing the strategy to get my attention, to get my affection, to get warmth, and basically more. It didn't come with any pain at all, it came with uh clarity and actually a huge heart opening. That's what I noticed. I was just like uh laying in my bed, and a thought of him came to mind, and uh, and this sense of you know, he's suffering over this idea that he hurt anyone, and I just felt this warmth in my heart and my chest just open up and feel really large. And I knew I felt, you know, really connected to the source and to his mind to communicate that this is actually ideal.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:27

It's ideal and and very perfect.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:40

I heard from four dudes for Valentine's Day, that was fun.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:52

Pictures and love notes, and sweet, really sweet.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:05

So Valentine's Day, that was yesterday, apparently. I didn't realize Valentine's Day was coming up, and I got some flowers, some really pretty yellow lilies on the I think it was the 12th, and then it was Valentine's Day, and I was like, Oh, I already have my flowers, how fun. And then it occurred to me, I was like, maybe I want to make a list of the kind of qualities I would love in a partner, and then again, I'm aware of all these eyes that I'm saying. Um, and then it occurred to me, well, I don't really want a person, it's not a person, it's a resonance, it's a certain coherence. So I didn't start a list, I never even started a list. It just occurred to me that um what if I made a list of the kinds of qualities I would like? And it occurred to me, no, it's not that, it's a certain coherence. I don't know what it looks like, I don't know what activities we're doing. Yeah, I like to think I know we'll be making love a bunch because I love that, but I don't know what kind of activities we're really gonna be doing or how he how he would be, or if if anything like that is even going to occur again. Uh, we never know. And in fact, I'm totally open to it not occurring again. It's whatever's the most helpful to undo this illusion. That's what I'm interested in. So that question came to my mind, and I I was so happy uh about how it unfolded because it just was really clear to me. No, I really don't know. I just let it be open, you know, and and willing to see what comes up to play in my field at that coherence level. You know, I cannot tolerate being in any kind of romantic play with incoherence anymore. I had my play with that, it was um awesome, it was awesome, and then I saw that I cannot do an incoherent dance anymore, so I'm really happy about that. I haven't been um so single. I say so single because I was having so many interactions, so many sweet interactions with people, you know, and and and some of them are a bit of a romantic play, I'd say. Um but nothing that's really like this strong chemistry romantic play that's uh that's you know, uh what's the way to say it? Fused one way of saying it. Fused together. Like sh ah. I haven't been this single in a long time and I'm enjoying it so much. It's just um precious. It's precious, and it's it's to uh a point where I sense that it doesn't really matter either way, I am going to uh truth, and I'm

Food, Listening, And No-Spiral Eating

SPEAKER_01 1:36:00

sincerely on the road to home. And if anyone wants to catch up with me on that, and I'm constantly falling in love, that's the other thing, you know. And I say it like that. I say falling in love because it's a surrender, right? And I don't need to do that with another person. In fact, my experience has been when it's with another person, it seems to get complicated and actually not go that deep. I'm open to a different way of relating there as well. You know, it's like what we have experienced so far, that is not the way it is. So, since I've experienced so far that when another person is in the field and I'm falling in love along with another person, it doesn't seem to go as deep because these different layers start to play out. Well, that's being undone. So that it can be like that, it can be like two people falling in love simultaneously, not being afraid of it. See, the thing is, there's a fear of falling in love. That seems dangerous, that's too close to the truth. You know, the truth to be in the truth requires this surrender, sort of like falling. And if you're in a relationship to try to keep it on the surface, that's just not even being sincere about what your relation you're relating is for.

SPEAKER_00 1:38:21

I mean, eventually you'll see you're just falling in love.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:26

It doesn't necessarily need another person around for that to happen. But another person can be used as a catalyst, and that's why I'm so glad I got the sense of falling in love with a person. That was an amazing catalyst.

SPEAKER_00 1:38:44

It's like, oh shit, that feels really good, that feels really free.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:55

So it's like, what do you do when that person reflects back to you? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You know what I noticed was when it seemed like it was going away and it seemed like it was fleeting because it seemed like I fell in love with a person, it was kind of intense. Because it seemed like that feeling was sourced over there. I knew it wasn't intellectually, but it's like the body sense, the body mind hadn't caught up to that yet. I was still experiencing these fluctuations, but the ultimate question came, and the sincere question in it was how do I keep this feeling irrespective of what this dude is doing? Right? So when you have the right question, that's the question that gets answered, and so it's being revealed to me day after day. Just getting a sudden sense of falling in love. Sometimes it's a sustained sense of falling in love, and it's it's a wonderful, I guess you could say, relationship dynamic. It's all a relationship, it's all a relationship to source, it's a wonderful relationship dynamic because it's totally released of any kind of binding that says it should be this way first. I noticed myself messing around with the espresso machine again. That thing's pretty fun. Apparently, those guys you gotta take care of them. Um, well, I was taking care of mine and it got confusing. It was like, why is this not working? Let me see why this is not working, and then I noticed uh a little bit of tension around it, and then there was a surrender, and then I'm falling in love in the midst of doing the espresso machine stuff. I'm like, wow, it just really doesn't matter. I just stay falling in love, and something comes up to act like it's a problem, it's some kind of problem, and then it's like back to that again.

SPEAKER_00 1:41:34

What's it like?

SPEAKER_01 1:41:35

Um, it's a sense of being carefree and cared for simultaneously.

SPEAKER_00 1:41:48

It's a sense of being light and alive, full of juice and energy, fearlessness.

SPEAKER_01 1:42:06

Yeah, and that's not to be used to avoid worldly feelings. The worldly feelings are are actually to be used as catalysts for the surrender, for the falling in love. See, so it's not resisting anything, it's not trying to stay in that state, it's coming to know over and over again that that is your true state. It's coming to know that you can surrender even in this got some wild perceptions, and some of them just mundane. You know, I get both going on, I get some wild things. Um, I ended up doing acid at the end of my Hawaii trip when I went and hung out with my daughter and her friends, and you know, that was just a wild experience, just being in a different realm. It's kind of like a realm of people who regularly use these kinds of substances, um, and they're regularly basically a party vibe. You would say a party vibe. Um, and there's some dysfunctional stuff that you know you would I guess you wouldn't consider it normal dysfunctional stuff where these guys are all friends, and one guy has hit a couple of the the other guys before just recently and slashed one of their tires, um, and then they're still hanging out together. Um, so it was kind of a cute vibe where there was kind of some tension in the air, and also people are trying to make up, and I'm there, and um, people are sweet to me, so people are are probably uh making up more when I'm around. Um, that's the story I made up, anyways. It looked like that. Um, they are super sweet, they're super sweet. I think they have a desire to see through. It's just not so consistent because of the shame. What I notice in realms like that, there's this sense of shame that people do not want to look at. And that seems to be the issue for people, is they don't want to look at their shameful self that they made. And the reason they don't want to look at the shameful self is because they believe that

Shame Cycles, Fast Food, And Self-Acceptance

SPEAKER_01 1:45:00

it's real. So they're afraid of it. So they're trying to push it down. And that's what I noticed with one of my friends. You know, it's like he was trying to change the narrative of what happened, uh, what apparently happened before, nothing really happened. Um, but I noticed the strategy trying to change the narrative to make it like uh he's unoffensive. And that's already saying I'm offensive. See that? So so when I notice that narrative playing, I let him off the hook because he hasn't let himself off the hook. I just let him off the hook. You know, he's playing a narrative that says uh it was really like this, and it's all an attempt to make that false sense of self look like it's unoff unoffensive. And that's not how it heals. That's not how the false sense of self is seen as false by trying to make it look unoffensive. It gets seen as false by recognition that that's what it is, and it doesn't mean anything. Has it caused me to play into harmful patterns? Yes, but that doesn't mean anything either. It's just that I see now that I don't want to play into those patterns. I see that I don't like them. I don't want to play into them. You see how that's different than accusing yourself of being uh some people accuse themselves of being irreparable. Apparently, someone was posting on Facebook, Donald Trump said he's never getting into heaven. And I think a lot of people would agree with him on that. Um, the thing is, none of us are different from one another when it comes to our true identity. So there's no one who's not who can't make it into heaven. That's not a reality. As soon as I heard that, I go, of course, Donald Trump can make it into heaven. He is in heaven, he never left heaven. He's fooling himself. So you see, this might give you some insight too on what's going on. Uh, the people who are apparently running the world, they are confused. They think they're unworthy of heaven, some of them, right? This is a confused thing. And then you hear about devil worshiping and this other stuff. It's just confusion. It's like children. They happen to be uh running the apparent world, but that is actually an effect of collective consciousness. That's us in our regular, uh, you could say minute day-to-day lives, not paying attention to how we're playing patterns that are demeaning ourselves and others. A lot of the times in the under the guise of care, of caring, of being a good friend or a good wife or something like that. We're actually demeaning ourselves, and that's what's contributing to this consciousness, right? This fear about what if they don't like me? Huh. Gotta tell you guys, I don't know. It seems like more of that has been coming up lately, where people are afraid of people not liking them. That's a major handicap. Because then you're going to be using everyone else's perception to try to manage how you act. When you could just be listening for guidance. People in my age group or something say it. Just like I remember from high school, I was watching a video, I think it was a real, Slim Sherry is her name, in case you want to look her up. She said, you know, a lot of people are gonna try to put you in a box, and they don't like you when you're out of that box. You know what you do? You take that box and you shove it up their ass. I wouldn't say you shove it up their ass, but you know, you get the point. Letting yourself be free so that your expression can be free, so the spirit can be guiding your expression all the time means not minding if people don't like you. You still like them, you can't help it. When you're listening to your guidance, you like them automatically. You like everything about what they do and what they share, and you know that they're not having any kind of a Effect on you. They may invite you into some ego games and stuff, but that's just for fun. When you go, when you when you accept the invitation and you go into those ego games, you know you don't have fun. And you know, I've I've heard from people who tell me, oh, but I do. I have fun with them. You're not having fun if you're crying out in anger. You know, there's a voice crying out in anger, fuck you, fuck you. I don't like this. No, you're not having fun right there. First thing is admit you're not having fun right there. Instead of spiritual bypassing so hard that you can't even question what the ego is telling you.

SPEAKER_00 1:51:02

Gotta be able to question that voice.

SPEAKER_01 1:51:28

Just do what we say, especially COVID time. Just do it. Do what we say. We know better than you. You know, if you don't recognize that's an ego play, next thing you do, next thing you know, you're getting shot up with who knows how many apparently known poisons. That's hilarious. If you don't recognize the invitation, constant invitation, doctors, they give you diagnoses, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:52:06

That's an invitation to believe something that's not possible. Diagnosis says, you have this. Then a person will say, I have a diagnosis now. Only because you want it.

SPEAKER_01 1:52:28

Only because you want it. Only because you're trying to cover up something that you don't want to see. That's why you have a diagnosis.

SPEAKER_00 1:52:37

It's okay, it's not guilty. It's an opportunity to see what's at play.

SPEAKER_01 1:52:47

What kind of thought pattern are you supporting that doesn't feel good to you? That brings on symptoms, all kinds of symptoms. Might be a diagnosis, might be some electronic thing is going awry. Again, I'm not saying this is a bad thing. Don't judge yourself. Be glad when you see. That's what happens for me. I'm glad when I see. I'm like, oh, hmm.

SPEAKER_00 1:53:24

And it's not like it needs a big investigation. Like, oh, I made this complicated. I made this difficult.

SPEAKER_02 1:53:38

Hmm.

SPEAKER_00 1:53:43

That'll show you.

SPEAKER_01 1:53:45

And if it doesn't, if it doesn't come up automatically, it's just a matter of you recognizing that you're making it. So then you don't have to get into this non-relaxed, anxious vibe about things.

Body Judgment, Projection, And Compassion

SPEAKER_01 1:54:00

You go into relaxation, you watch your breath, and your breath automatically deepens through the process. That's how things actually change. They change in the mind, they stop cycling the same things over and over again. And it's like, oh no, I never get that. You know, some people say they get cut off. Whenever I drive, I get cut off. I'm like, I never get that experience. That's interesting. Right. So recognizing that we're giving ourselves these repetitive patterns for a purpose. And I think it's a really fun purpose. I've been having a great time with it. I'm so happy to share with you. Thank you. I love you. Yay, everyone. Thank you for joining. I love you so much. I'm going to be back Wednesday. Oh, let me know if you have any questions, and I'll stay on for a minute if anyone has any questions. Uh, I'll be back on Wednesday with ACIM deep dive. I'm so excited. I haven't had one since I don't know, sometime last month. Um, so I'm so excited to share that with you. And in the meantime, go over to hopejohnson.org. Um, I had I take donations there. I'm interested in getting some more donations right now. So anyone who uh feels like they would like to donate, this is a really good time. Um I would like to get my clips, clips from these videos from what I say, out to TikTok. Um and I have a friend who will do it for me. He doesn't charge very much. I don't know how much it would take, but let's say if I get an extra 200 per month in donations from what I have right now, I will hire him to put little clips on TikTok. So if you would like to help out with that, you could go to hopejohnson.org and go to the donate tab, or you could just reach out to me if that's kind of hassly for you. So yay. Thank you for joining. And until next time, Mahalo, aloha, and uh hoo-yo. Yay!

SPEAKER_00 1:56:19

Woo! Let us play.