Every Trigger Is Love Choosing You | Wisdom Dialogues @ Lake Whatcom | March 15, 2026

Love is not a paycheck you earn, and peace is not a prize you win after someone finally says sorry. From Lake Whatcom, we walk straight into the heart of the “earn it” program and question the belief underneath it: that we have to prove our worth to receive love, safety, support or belonging. When we treat love like something scarce, we turn relationships into transactions and we make pain feel personal. 

We explore what happens when you flip the whole frame. Pain, triggers and conflict stop being evidence that someone harmed you and become information about what the mind is ready to release. We talk about gratitude as a real-time practice, the difference between demanding an apology and extending true forgiveness, and why the ego is addicted to problems and the high of “I fixed it.” Along the way we bring these ideas into everyday life: family dynamics, marriage roles, changing friendships, dating boundaries, hookup culture and the urge to regulate someone else’s nervous system instead of our own. 

Then we go bigger: scarcity mindset, work identity and the cultural obsession with earning a living. If the belief in earning is learned, it can be unlearned, and that changes how we move through money, support and time itself. If this speaks to you, subscribe, share this with a friend who’s stuck on closure, and leave a review. What’s one place you’re ready to stop earning and start receiving?

Transcript

Lake Whatcom Arrival

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Aloha and welcome to Wisdom Dialogues with Hope Johnson coming to you from Lake Whatcombe, Washington. Ow! I love it here. Man, it's amazing. I I only have like two months left. Oh going, man. Okay, two months. All right. How can I just like soak it in? Soak it in. I feel like I have been soaking it in, but how can I just soak it in as much as possible? Ah yeah. You know, just spending time watching the lake. Sometimes it's glassy, sometimes it's a little bit ripply, sometimes it's got streams in it, sometimes it's got all kinds of ducks in it, sometimes it's quiet, sometimes there's ducks cackling, sometimes there's children, uh, teenagers usually running and jumping in the water and being very loud about it. They're so cute. Yeah, it's just oh, it's amazing. So, yeah, more of that, most likely. So let's see. This week, one thing that occurred to me very clearly is that none of us really have to earn anything. We have been programmed as if everything has to be earned because it's a belief that love must be earned. See, that's not the case. You are love, and so love is choosing you all the time throughout all things, throughout all things that you experience, love is what you are, and that's why love is always giving to you, it's just a matter of are you receiving it? You know, me even if someone if it seems like someone's really being mean to you or anything like that, the way it is for me is I'll notice the pain that's being triggered. That pain that's being triggered isn't telling me about what anyone else is doing to me, and I'm aware that the pain that's being triggered, it's actually bringing up pain that's a buried secret, right? So I love it. I'm not looking for anything to change, I'm not looking for anyone to have a different perception, I'm not looking for anyone to apologize to me. This is love choosing me now through this experience where it's bringing up the pain. This is it. See, it's only bringing up the pain because it's ready to be undone, its cause is ready to be undone. But what the ego wants to do is distract you and make you believe that somehow what some whatever happened, maybe what someone else did, what you perceived yourself doing, like somehow it means that something else needs to happen now before you could return to love, right? And what I noticed, I kind of like looked within my process, how pain is for me, physical, physical or emotional, kind of just looking within that and noticing how the habit in my mind is to go directly to gratitude when I perceive any pain. You know, I recognized almost 18 years ago now it was through childbirth with my uh third son, my last child, so far. I don't know what's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_02 4:42

Twins?

SPEAKER_00 4:44

Yeah, who knows what this could be used for? I have no idea. Uh immaculate conception. Yeah, so it was shown to me then pain is fear, fear is mental. Fear is something that's upheld in the mind that doesn't mean anything, it's a meaningless thing, right? So I discovered experientially that this is true, and I was just like reeling for days, recognizing how everything painful can be approached, whatever kind of pain it is. And that's gratitude. See, so before any pain ever gets triggered in me, gratitude's already already waiting, kind of like as a base, it's just waiting here, uh, just you know, gently holding and watching whatever illusions are arising, ready to be what it is. Gratitude, right, for all things, and that's why pain itself is so clarifying for me, you know. I I come out of any kind of painful experience is fresher, brighter, happier. You know, I don't get bogged down by them or torn apart by them, and it's because of the way they're met. The truth is that it's my interpretation that would bring on any pain, it can only be my interpretation that would bring on any pain. See, and the story, right? Well, there's a story, but what but you know, when you're recognizing that the story is a story, then it's not a painful story. Anything that looks painful becomes more comical, actually, because you see the characters, how the characters are lined up in this play to keep reflecting to you exactly what you need.

Apologies Versus True Forgiveness

SPEAKER_01 7:14

It comes across funny. What about the sense of needing closure?

SPEAKER_00 7:27

What about the sense of needing an apology? Right? I have one friend recently apologizing to me. I'm like, hey, you don't have anything to apologize about? You're fucking awesome. You did everything right on cue. And nothing's changed. Nothing's changed, but a perception and interpretation made. Nothing love is unchanging. Love doesn't change a thing. So I got the sense, you know, I let him know that I don't take it like that, where some kind of an admission of wrongdoing, an admission of wrong being will make me feel better, right? It's like it's like that just doesn't mean anything to me. Right. On the other hand, I could see that the person is actually looking for an apology themselves.

SPEAKER_01 8:42

That becomes obvious. Right.

SPEAKER_00 8:49

Now there's a thing about this needing apologies and for and true forgiveness. There's different, they're different energies, they're on different levels, let's say, completely different levels, okay? Because truly forgiveness is can you forgive the interpretation you made, the perception you made, and not can you really? Are you willing? Are you willing to forgive the interpretation that makes it painful for you? It's like, uh, yes, I can see that there's struggle, I could see that there's pain being expressed, and I acknowledge that that's true, true for the person experiencing the pain, and the pain is also the result of a thought that's not true, and truly, to be willing to see that is to never be afraid of pain again. Never consider it as if it's a call for you to get something.

SPEAKER_01 10:20

Look at it's a call for you to give something, forgive someone, you know, all of the things being projected about why a person needs to be apologizing are hurting your mind, and I'm not participating in that kind of thing.

Relationship Mirrors At Home

Scarcity Stories About Love And Money

Ego Problems And The Fixing High

SPEAKER_00 10:48

Right? It's like I could say I I could say this, I could say I am truly sorry, and I truly apologize for any time I believed a thought that said I want anything other than healing for you. Right? That's something that feels meaningful to me. If there was any instance, even for a slight amount of time where I believed a thought that I wanted anything other than healing for you, I apologize. And that apology is for everyone, and myself included. Because that's what these relationships are for, that's all they're for. It's healing this imagine split, this imagine separation. They all have their dynamics, people get sucked into them. I saw one recently that was really cool, really, really cool. So it's like a roommate situation, but it's a father and a daughter, right? And you know, the daughter's talking to me about it and going, wow, this guy, he just expects from me all day long. He expects something from me all day long, and he doesn't pay me the amount I want, and all these different things. And you know, she's like, I just wish I could talk to him without getting so defensive, right? Without like letting my voice rise to this squeaky tone and all the things that go along with being defensive, and you know, here's this dynamic where there's usefulness, it's like there's this youth usefulness. One person is giving some services and getting paid for them, and and the other person is providing them a place to stay, right? So when we're looking at each other as if we're adversaries, then we just can't be calm and talk. And then we go into these patterns where there will be this unconscious using more sense of using more than you should, taking more than you should from the other person, and then the other person reflecting to you that you're taking more than you should. For instance, the daughter, you know, uh has more people over, and she's using different things and gets the sense that she's taking more than she should. So then when she gets the reflection back from the father, she's afraid of it because it looks like he's saying she's taking more than she should. And perhaps he is playing that energy with you. But then when you're aware that, let's say you're the daughter in this situation, when you're aware that this is like a movie, and this person dressed as father is coming in right on cue to tell me that I'm taking too much. So, how am I gonna let that land, basically? Oh, look, am I gonna be looking to him? Hey, you apologize for telling me it telling it to me like that. No, that's my habit. It's my habit to hear it like that, right? It's my habit to uh have them uh have them marching around looking mad or whatever the situation is. That's my habit. So, how am I gonna play with this manifestation now? How am I gonna play happily with this manifestation? I experienced a similar energy in marriage, you know, things seem to be expected of me all the time, you know. I couldn't just be lounging around because that's the call I'm having right now to just lounge around and be right, it's like there seems to be an issue if I'm not producing something all the time. So I realized that this was my scene that I set up, and then I just didn't feel guilty about it anymore. I didn't feel guilty when he walked in and he reflected to me that I should be doing something else, and I I was just like, oh no, this is what I'm doing today. And it was so basic, it just like turned the whole thing around. You know, it was reflecting to me as if someone has demands on me. Like, this is the bargain you made for having this person, for having this body next to you, for having this uh person doing things around the house, let's say, that you're supposed to succumb to these dynamics. And I see these relationship dynamics really plainly, and really it I can see how to just get out of them too. Like there's there's your point, there's a certain point where you veer into becoming an illusion. It's like wanting to be an illusion and becoming an illusion so that you can keep this relationship dynamic going, is as if that's gonna help you. Right. And especially when there seemed to be some kind of physical helpfulness that they add to your life, some physical value that they add to your life. It's like, what would I do without that physical value that they add? And that's something that occurred to me uh earlier with regard to my husband, because you know, you know, I've shared on a recent one, anyways, that he stopped talking to me all the time. I mean, we've had a couple uh sweet texts back and forth, but he stopped talking to me all the time because you know he wants to have some moments to heal whatever kind of uh attachments there may be to me in his mind and things like that. So in having that space, I'm also recognizing okay, there's a lot less financial support coming when there's not this kind of hope and desire that he's gonna have me on a romantic level, right? And noticing, oh, there's this thing that what if he doesn't give me anything, right? Because I just signed all the assets over to him. I was like, let's just see how this goes. So now that there's this um, you could say space, because it's not really like separation. Like there's we're always held in love, it's always perfect. Uh but there's a space for him to process whatever it is that makes it him feel pain when he talks to me. I'm also noticing this pattern. And you know, when I'm speaking to this pattern, it's a scarcity pattern. It's like, what if he doesn't give me and how might I live and stuff like that? So that's something I've been looking at this week and just noticing that is not any reason to be with anyone, that's for sure. Right. And it's just a it's just a matter of seeing that these are repeated patterns that just kind of circulate the mind and they're not meaningful at all. So then it's it's like I it's like I come back to the truth, like a pattern will come and uh and take space. Let's say it takes space in my attention, in my awareness, and notice that it's a delusional thought pattern. It's a teaching that all of us received in the world that doesn't really make any sense. So I see it as an opportunity to let that thought be undone, kind of unwound. And I take that opportunity, I accept that opportunity. Oh, my Substack people. Oh my goodness. I guess I'm going live right now on Substack because I don't know. Something changed with the way that works. Well, I I'm clean, I'm connecting now. Oh, this thing shows every little hair out of place. What fun. Oh my goodness. Okay, Substack. Apparently, it didn't go live like normal, so uh you're starting a little bit later with me, but we got this. It's not giving me double horns. It's not giving me devil horns. That's nice. It's like a really close close-up, and you can see even like one strand of pair just going. You're welcome. Oh my goodness. So yeah, there's a sense of, you know, when someone who is like in a different, like operating from a different level, let's say the level of the world, really, there's two levels, and uh, and you know, there's many levels, there's no levels, whatever. The way I'm explaining it right now, there's two. One is the level of truth, perfection, love, healing. The other is the level of the ego. The level that takes pain to mean that you need something from someone. That's the level of ego. You take that same thing, you take that same thought that presents to you like that, and you go, I don't need anything from anyone. I need to give, I need to extend forgiveness. See, I'm I'm the one who's the light of the world. I extend forgiveness. Right? I don't wait for something else to happen before there's forgiveness. That's that's a habit.

SPEAKER_01 22:54

It's like I have to have something from another person.

SPEAKER_00 23:00

I need something to happen before I could feel okay.

SPEAKER_01 23:05

Right. Right.

SPEAKER_00 23:19

Um, and then the payoff is that you end up feeling really good, and you're you're you you're all pussed up when you're like, oh, see, I figured it out, you know, whether it was I said something, you know, there's always a problem, and you're like, oh, and I'm the one that resolved it. Aren't I awesome? Yeah. Yeah, the ego is always throwing out problems. So that's why, you know, awareness that all of your problems are already solved, like the pain you're experiencing has already been healed. Right? So, so then there's nothing for you to do. There's nothing for you to do about that, and you know, extending offering forgiveness is the most natural thing for you. It's just that the ego's stories and thoughts are what tell you you can't have forgiveness. Now, again, what is forgiveness? What I thought happened didn't happen. That's why the kind of forgiveness that kills is saying, what I thought happened did happen, and if I don't get an apology, I won't have forgiveness. See, that makes you as if you're vulnerable to the world. And you're not vulnerable, that's not true. You have not been harmed by the world, and you know, to an ego, that may sound harsh. And if someone wants to stay on the level of ego, they're not gonna be relating with me. Not because I'm trying not to relate with them, it's just that it doesn't mesh. Doesn't fucking mesh, doesn't work out. It's not it, it's not coherent. I see Tony and Akia. Tony and Akai joined. Aloha! Thank you for joining. That reminded me of you, Tony, when you and I said it's not coherent. Are they on the same computer watching? I think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like one watcher, but yeah. Um yes, one observation I have this week, and I it it always comes with a sense of worry, is like, oh, you know, we're never we're never gonna undo this world. This is gonna go on and on and on forever. And um this situation where you know a problem is presented, and look, I solved it. It seems like there's an addictive, like that seems like so pleasurable where you're like, oh, I resolved problems are addictive in the first place, right? Yeah. So how are we ever gonna like it's just so gripping and it feels so good when you come up with a solution from your own will, yeah, versus the Holy Spirit's will. How are we ever gonna realize that the the peace that surpasses understanding is so much would be so much better, like yeah. I mean, when it comes to time, like how are we ever gonna do this? That's what Natalie's asking. Like, how are we ever gonna do this? How are we gonna know the peace uh passes understanding if problems arise? We're addicted to having problems, right? Something's disturbing my peace, and then we're also addicted to finding the solutions and getting ah, ego comfort, ego relief. She's like, How are we ever going to do this? Well, these are experiences that we're having, and we're behind every experience. You know, for me, it's like behind that experience, I'm noticing the problem is a habit. Does it make me resist the apparent problem? No, it's just that I'm at ease with it. Because I know it's not a real problem. It's not a real problem that needs even a worldly solution. I don't know. It could need a worldly solution. And if it does, it's gonna get a worldly solution. That's how that goes. I don't have to work for it. I don't have to, I don't have to project anything, you know, and I'm just the same. Once the oh, I'm not the oh, thank goodness that problem is solved. I mean, uh I think the last opportunity I had with that was with a mouse. There was a mouse in the house, right? And I'm new to not having a dude. I'm new to this. Like, I don't know what a fuck to do with a mouse. So I call Billy, who owns the home, and I'm like, there's a mouse in here. So he sends a dude over, Natalie's boyfriend. He brings mouse traps. Next thing you know, there's a fucking mouse attached to a trap, trying to escape the trap, making a lot of noise right on the kitchen floor. And I'm like, what in the world do I do with that? What the heck? So and it all got worked out, of course. I was like, I was like, okay. This mouse is cute, first of all. It's okay, buddy. Everything's all right. And then I called, I called Aaron. He was at a concert, then I called my next door neighbor, and oh my goodness, my next door neighbors are so cute. Two dudes come over, uh, guys in their 20s, and they're ready to help me with my cute little mouse situation. And they did. It was just like so easy, and they were just so sweet about it. And they were just like, anytime you need anything, just call us. We're right here. And I'm just like, okay. Thank you. That's like uh, but you know, I notice even a problem like a perceived problem, like there's a mouse in the house in the first place, habit.

unknown 29:55

It's a habit.

Gratitude For Nature And Triggers

SPEAKER_00 29:57

So it's not like so that this changes the way I'm with it completely. This totally changes how I'm with the circumstance. Because I know it's my habit to make a problem, right? It's like I could hear this mouse in the walls all the time making all this noise, and I'm like, yeah, that's uh something's gotta happen about that, apparently. But it's really light, you know. I don't know what to do about this right now. I'm gonna start making a couple phone calls, but you know, it's light because I know it's a habit. So that's how we stop projecting. That's how we stop the habit of projecting, like there's a problem is recognizing and not like it's not like saying goodness that's over with, that got taken care of. It's like another one is coming, another mouse, or I don't know, something. Another problem is on the horizon because your uh your experience with the last problem was interpreted as if it was outside of yourself. That's what makes more problems. Also, not being met with gratitude, like what right with lightness. It's like, okay, now I gotta be serious because there's a mouse until that thing is out of here or whatever, and you know, there's a sense like, oh, this is so sad, and all those kinds of different things that come up like that, because that mouse, the mouse is gonna die, apparently, right? Um, not that it cares, really, the animals and the plants and those guys, they are perceiving from a level that does not include ego. All right, they reflect, they reflect, even like in tests where they reflect, they can pick up that the plants fearful and animals fearful and stuff like that. They're reflecting human consciousness, okay? But they actually know, they know, so it's like gratitude, like just gratitude for everything, gratitude for everyone, gratitude for every uh entrance and exit in your experience, gratitude for any pain that it brought up. I mean, really, you could start with gratitude before any pain comes because the nature of perceiving is bringing up pain. Once there's no more fear in the mind, once the mind is totally clean, cleansed, purified of all fear, then there won't be any upset feeling. So there'll be nothing to be upset about. But you know, whatever is called, too. I mean, depending if the person is really experiencing uh just total, you know, level confusion, they believe that they're this separate being and they totally need an apology to feel okay. Who knows? It doesn't feel true to me to say something like, I'm sorry my behavior hurt you, or I'm sorry my words hurt you, or I'm sorry this or that, because I know that's not possible. But what is possible, and what may have occurred, is there may have been a moment, an instant, where a thought was believed that said, I want something other than healing for this person.

SPEAKER_01 34:33

You know, of course.

SPEAKER_00 34:35

No one wants that, it precludes our own healing in our own imagination. And here's the thing, we're all already healed, so it's the imagination, it's like we're imagining ourselves being healed, and the reason that we're imagining ourselves being healed is because we have been imagining ourselves being unhealed, and we seem to be operating from unhealed.

SPEAKER_01 35:17

Anyone who seems to operate through a body.

SPEAKER_00 35:25

Our goal and our shared interest is to purify this mind of all thoughts that would harm us. This is the whole purpose of any kind of interaction, even if it's just at the grocery store. It's to help each other see that we're not really unhealed. It's to help each other see that we haven't really changed since we were created.

SPEAKER_01 36:10

We haven't really gone through any kind of changes.

SPEAKER_00 36:23

The apparent changes that we do, what you might call evolution, that's the result of whether or not we accept the truth about ourselves. Whether or not we would extend forgiveness, would we be that generous to extend forgiveness to someone when it seemed like they didn't even deserve it?

SPEAKER_01 37:02

And would we be that generous on the same note to not extend an apology that kills when it would save a relationship?

SPEAKER_00 37:23

See, this is what I see really plainly too. I don't need any particular relationship. It doesn't matter to me what the form of it is, it could be a family member, right? It could be any kind of relationship. I don't need any particular relationship. I know that the right manifestations of my relationship with myself are always arising. And any kind of attachment to like wanting to keep a relationship, I love it. Bring it on, it shows me something. That shows me something. It doesn't mean that I need to get away from that person because I feel attached to them.

SPEAKER_01 38:22

That could actually be really fun.

SPEAKER_00 38:27

All right, it's noticing where it goes from enjoyment to painful, and not to like resist anything, but just to let myself experience that painful sensation with an open mind, willingness to see it truly, to get the interpretation that's correcting my mind. That's an opportunity for me to extend gratitude. Like, yes. It's not like I go around looking for pain. I'm not like trying to get in relationships where it's gonna feel hurtful. I'm not trying to relate in that way. Here's the thing, though, that I've noticed with relationships. When people get close, things like this start to arise. When people get close and emotionally connected, there's some emotional depth, things start to arise. Right? There will seem like someone's done something, right? That's it, that's how they do, that's how they go until our mind is completely purified. That's why, you know, for one, I just love relating, it is so fun. Any kind of relating is just awesome. I also spent a lot of time by myself lately, which I also love. There's all kinds of relating, though. You know, I write, so I'm relating with people back and forth like that. People reach out to me because they uh want to have some clarity around some things, kind of like find myself relating like that. I've been on Facebook dating and eHarmony. I find myself relating like that, like in that romantic sphere. Um, it's also playful, it's also fun, and it's also light. There's just no expectations on any kind of um form of relationship or anything like that. It's just so sweet and easy. And you know, that's how I am with all of my relationships, like with my kids. There's no expectations on them. Any kind of expectations they place on me, I don't make those meaningful at all, you know. Uh I what I see is they eventually come around to, oh, this is how mom just relates. She just likes to be like calm and happy and excited and not like, why didn't you do this for me? Why didn't you just why didn't you do what you're supposed to do as this kind of person? It's like, man, if I'm the author of all of this, I'm looking at it and I'm going, I'm changing the way that's set up. That just doesn't mean anything like that anymore. I'm changing this idea that I need to try to keep any friends around, right? That I need to try to do some uh do some behavior, do some kind of uh behavior or tricks to try to keep some friends around, right? Uh I'm I'm not interested in coddling people's egos. It's not interesting to me. Like, man, in a in a given day, I got I seem to have a lot of energy. I seem to have a lot of like fire and ready to go. Still, in a give in a given day, um I'm not I'm not really interested in spending my time spinning my wheels around and and kind of like circling the wagon with people. I'm not really interested in that. Those of you guys that like to go direct, let's just go direct the truth, then that's what I'm interested in. That's the kind of uh, you know, close as far as close relationships go, that's the kind of closeness um I'm inviting for myself, let's say.

SPEAKER_01 42:58

I heard a really cool definition for forgiveness. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:03

A couple people were talking on this one in Zoom Bang about like the concept of like, oh, I have to do forgiveness, and it's like this process, and so someone said, Well, forgiveness is a consequence of when you don't believe the contents of the mind. Thing where you're like, okay, now I'm gonna do this home forgiveness technique, right? That's really good. So, so here's what Natalie was sharing. Forgiveness is a consequence of not believing the content of the mind, right? So the content, the content of your mind is saying they did this to me, for instance, they betrayed me, they disrespected me, they whatever seems like they did to me, right. When you don't believe that they have that power to do that to you, then you don't believe that you're something that someone can just like come into your picture and start doing shit to you without your authorship, that's what brings on true forgiveness. That's what brings it on. Your willingness to see that this is authored by you. This is your habit to get this annoyance or frustration or pain or whatever out of relating in this way. That changes it. That brings on forgiveness. Now you're not in your mind killing this person. Like I said, you know, if they're feeling that hurt and they're totally like in a delusional state of mind, I'm not opposed to saying whatever they need so they can feel better. As long as it's helpful. And that's what the Holy Spirit just directs in the moment. Seems like if you could be with full presence with saying the apology and then sit and then ask them, now are you feeling any different because you got the apology? And it would probably be a no. Yeah. It may be yes, though. Right. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Um, until it actually some light actually comes in. Right. I mean, the the whole purpose of ever perceiving that you ever need an apology for any from anyone, or that you need to apologize to everyone, anyone, that is a sign that forgiveness is uh is being presented right now. You know, this is your opportunity to get to be like, oh, oh, I see. Okay. It really is really that simple. It's like, oh, I see. Ooh, the feeling sure feels like that person did something to me, but I'm sure that's not true. That lets them off of the hook of your judgment. That's why it's called forgiveness, because it lets them off of the hook, right? Whatever scenarios you played out with them, that's just part of the play. Some people would say it's just life, but I'm saying this is not real life, this is play life. So that's just part of the play. Everybody loves you, everybody does. And all of these dynamics are held in perfect love. So they could be played out in a playful way, like children playing. That's how they're meant to be held. Children playing. Like, look at that. Oh, yeah, look at that. Oh, okay. Uh what fun. Thanks for playing.

SPEAKER_01 47:16

Right.

SPEAKER_00 47:25

Also, the perceptions we have of the other is not and often not the same as how they're thinking, anyways. Right? It's all it's a it's all an internal thing. Like all look at all your stories like this. They're all just symbolic of how your mind moves. All right, of how you've interpreted feelings, how you've been how you've interpreted your perceptions. It's all just like that. It's all for healing. So there's no need to be attached to however things come and however things go. Just let your mind keep on expanding. And it's always bringing all the right experiences. Remember that all the people that do come into your life, even if it's just for a sec, all the people, they're just exactly the right people to be there for that time, for that period, right? That phase, you can say, and that's changing. I mean, it's possible that you can keep some of the same people in your experience for a whole lifetime, but it's not necessary for anything.

SPEAKER_01 48:47

So recently I've just found myself in a place of just let go.

Dating Boundaries That Keep It Light

SPEAKER_00 48:54

Let let let anything come, like whatever, let whatever comes, you know, come. All right. And and whatever come that I'm not interested in, let that pass. You know, it's like it's like it's like here, it's like an offering. It's like, oh, okay, yeah, I like more of that. Okay, no, less of that. That's fine. You know, it's not like in a mean way or anything, you know. I get a little bit of uh video chat. I've been chatting with one uh well, a couple guys from Canada. They're young dudes, they're so cute. They're like they're like in their 20s, they think they like me. Anyways, we have a uh a convo uh over chat, you know, just over the internet. And, you know, both of them are kind of the same way. It's really cute. They'll they'll try to call me sometimes, just like over Messenger, and I will not pick up and I won't respond, maybe for a couple days, right? Oh, I thought you forgot about me. No, no, I remember you. You're awesome. Oh, well, you know, it makes me feel some of these guys are like really uh they're really authentic about how they're feeling. Makes me feel upset, you know, and you don't get back to me right away. And and I'm like, oh, well, okay. Well, sometimes I'm not available for days, and sometimes I'm available, you know. We can try to connect if we if you want. And they do, they both still do. So they're not like taking it personal that I'm not right there ready for calls all the time, you know. And that's the thing about uh boundaries. It's like it's like they're automatically presented for whatever is the most joyful. What we do is we tend to ignore them, thinking that if we ignore the boundaries and just give into what they want, then they'll stick around, then they'll be there, then they'll stick around. It's like, no, I'll give them all the opportunity to go away. You know, uh yeah, all the opportunity to go away. Um because I'm totally good, like sex-wise and everything. I'm just totally good all by myself. There's no need for adding anything to that mix unless it's exciting for me. You know, if it's exciting for me in the moment, it's like, oh yeah, I'll talk to that fucker. All right. Who knows? Maybe we'll even have video sags. I don't know. You know, it's uh it's all mysterious, it's all a mystery. So gratitude before the painful thing, because there's gonna be painful things arising. That's just what happens because you're projecting a body, and it's true that you don't need to learn through pain, it's really true. You don't need to learn through pain. What does that mean, though? You know, pain is an interpretation of fear, let's say that. See, how do you think someone who's in the middle of childbirth, let's say, like for one person, it might be this big screaming ordeal where they're white knuckling it and they're like, oh my god, this is so intense. Someone kill me. The other person's like, ah, right? Almost like you're just taking a nice big dump with that thing. Like that's what I noticed, man. It's like it's like your nicest poo multiplied. How do you think that happens? How one from one person to another, they have such a different experience. There's a different way of seeing pain. You've seen it as a doorway, right? As a doorway to being released from fear, right? I gotta say, that's why I love block therapy so much. Look at Natalie's doing block therapy right now while she's sitting in here. And block therapy, you know, some people go, what the heck? You're using a wooden block, isn't that painful? It's like, yeah, that's the point. We're uh we're interacting with the pain. We're interacting, we're bringing up fear and letting it be met with a calm breath and a focused mind. That's the same thing. It's like it's like a symbolic practice. It's the same thing. We're just letting pain arise as it arises, recognizing that's an effect of fear, and being willing to have your mind corrected. It's so simple. But you know, this pain becomes identity, and there's an unconscious desire to keep the pain. How do we keep the pain? We make our stories real instead of seeing them as symbolic. They're symbolic, they're not real, no one did anything. They're showing a dynamic and a pattern that two aspects of the same mind agreed to play together. Holy shit! There's nothing to be sorry for and everything to be grateful for in that. I mean, even if your experiences something like, let's say, rape or something like that. I mean, I totally get that. It's like it's like you get a sense that someone shouldn't have been doing something to you. I know, but are you willing to be released from that? That's the thing. It's not like you're not you're justified, you're totally justified in thinking that someone shouldn't have done what they did, they shouldn't have behaved that they did, and or what they said or did caused you pain. When you have when you have that justification, and you're recognizing your it's right in front of you, and you're recognizing this justification doesn't mean anything. Because it certainly couldn't have happened that way. There's no way, it had to be love. It's the only thing, the only thing that I could possibly perceive is love or a call for love. And a call for love means that there's something that needs to be corrected in my mind.

SPEAKER_01 56:03

How fun.

SPEAKER_00 56:09

What what a joy to have that as my uh as like my vocation. You know, Jesus would say it's the only true vocation of the mind. Forgiveness is the only true vocation. He may have said healing, I don't know, but many times he's saying forgiveness is your function, and many times people don't understand what forgiveness is. It's not like I'm in pain and I need to forgive, but I can't do that unless someone else does something. Holy shit, you're screwed, man. If you can't forgive until someone else does something, you're always gonna have that someone else who won't do the thing for you. Natalie, will you just put it in that kettle right there and heat it up? Okay. I'm feeling a little chilled. Okay. Thank you. Getting some warm water.

SPEAKER_01 57:19

Now you can't make another person embrace their pain, of course. Right.

Sickness And The You Did This

SPEAKER_00 57:32

And if they don't want to, if they're not willing to embrace the pain and they want to be projectile, just notice that. You don't have to make any decisions about it. You know, it could be your kid, maybe your kid and it lives in your house, and they're a minor, and they want to just be projectile all day. I've had that. I thought it was great. Okay. Uh, get to see. It's not what they're projecting about you that's showing you anything. That's their whole story, that's their whole scene. It's how you're taking it, it's how you're interpreting it and reacting to it that's giving you some insight on the way you move through these dynamics in the mind and the way you regard your relationships. When you're using your relationships 100% toward healing, you're gonna appreciate any discomfort that arises in your perception. I had the most amazing healings through living with my family and having kids. I mean, one of them I named him Blaze. Yeah. Like, I mean some fiery flame. Yeah, he just burned me all the time. It's great. I mean, I I was I was not like doing any kind of show or semantics or false humility or anything like that when I was like, thank you for showing me that. Because something, some of the things he'd say it'd be like, oh right. So I'm always really grateful for things being brought up, even if they feel like they're painful. Oh, thank you. Oh my goodness. Um, speak about one of my favorite sections in the course is um has something to do with if ever you experience pain in your body, um, you had a thought that was projecting out to some somebody, you did this to me. You did this to me. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so she's talking about one of the subjects in a course in miracles is that when you're experiencing sickness, pain, even looming death, that comes from a thought in the mind. It's projected, okay? Because you cannot really have those things happen to you, not even one touch of aging. See, that's an effect in the mind of saying, see, you did this to me. It's a secret thing, but really, this is what's going on. I played that as a child. Oh my goodness, I felt like I needed to get something. So periodically, I would come down with a sickness. It would get my mom to come in, I'd be in bed, I wouldn't have to do chores, I'd get cream of wheat. That was a thing back then. And I'd feel all loved up whenever I did that. So I had a habit of getting sick like several times per year. And, you know, as I as I got older in my 20s, I would have a habit of getting sick just once a year. Once a year, it was the same sick though. It was like this tonsil thing that would flare up. It was the same kind of sick where it would put me down for a week. And one day I realized what sickness was, and I didn't have it anymore. Whenever sickness arises for me, I for one thing, meet it with gratitude. For two, don't give it any kind of meaning. All it is is a projection of a meaningless thought. That means that the sickness itself is reflecting nothing, it's reflecting emptiness. So it's in seeing that. That doesn't mean the body doesn't get taken care of as far as its physical needs, those unfold automatically and very sweetly and intelligently when there's willingness to see that the sickness is uncaused by anything in the world. It's totally caused by the mind projecting. See, you did this to me. Look what you've done to me. Look how contagion is. Look, I caught this from them. It's like this guilty thing where you should be covering up your two breathing holes so that you don't infect anyone, right? This is false. This is a false teaching. There's no way, there's no way that you could be having anything in or on your body, coming out of your body that's harmful to another person. That's just not true. If you need to take precautions about it, that's okay. You're gonna do according to what you believe to be true. All this is a matter of just looking in the direction gently, being gentle and easy with yourself, that you need to have this, right? That's why Jesus talked about turning the other cheek. It's the opposite of look what you did to me. It's like, look, I'm perfectly fine, I'm perfectly blessed, right? It's like you show them the cheek that doesn't have a mark on it. And one thing that I noticed that goes hand in hand is the idea that you are capable of hurting anyone, and the idea that you need an apology. See, those two things go together. Because first, you have the idea that you can do something to another person in this dream that they haven't authored. And that and with the ego interpretation, that would feel empowering. Look how powerful I am. Look at this effect I look at this effect I made. Yeah, yeah. To the ego, you know, the ego loves that loves to have power. And Natalie's talking about like the ego's going, look at this effect that I made, right? And look at isn't isn't this great? Well, just look at it truthfully.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:35

Is it is it really great? Or would you rather have something else?

SPEAKER_00 1:04:44

See if you can if if you believe, and I saw that totally. I saw that. This uh this uh this dynamic that I was in, I saw how there is this sense like this person is like, wow, I hurt her. And it's like, no, you didn't. That's your story, and you're apologizing because you believe in a story that you can fucking hurt someone. You can't, that's not possible. Any pain that you may have perceived me going through, I have known every second of every day that the pain is projected from a misunderstanding in my mind then did not come from anything anyone else did. There's not a call for uh any kind of acknowledgement. It's fine if it comes.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:46

It's the same to me. You know, maybe if there was an acknowledgement, that would be awesome. That would be awesome from your perspective.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:00

But for me, it doesn't matter either way. I know what it is. That's what's important. I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks of it. I know that the pain I perceive is coming from me. That's all I need to know. It's called forgiveness. It's our function as the light of the world. That's not to fault anyone either, you know. Don't interpret it that way. Like I would fault someone because they're in the level of confusion and they think they need an apology for a uh relationship to mend, something mend, something fixed, right? Something to fix. It's as if the sense of uh disunion, the sense of separation that's being perceived in relation to me can be fixed.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:06

That's just a sense of confusion.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:10

I'm always here, I'm always open.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:17

I'm always ready for real connection. I'm not I'm not calling in uh ego games.

Guidance Is Not Persuasion

SPEAKER_00 1:07:33

It's not uh it's not interesting to me. Even on the dating platforms, I seem to go through the dudes really fast. They start to play ego games with me, right? So how many people have you had sex with? And I'm like, yeah, not really interested in talking about that. Oh, really? Well, do you wanna do this with me? I don't know. I'm only having a video chat with you right now. Your lips look nice. I'm usually laughing the whole time, just like that. Is is the is the just natural state of the mind um it seems like we're so easily convinced and persuaded. Or there's always like a convincing and a persuasion, and so it can be the ego is doing the convincing or the persuading, but like is that like a whole like a holy part of the innocence of our mind too? Like could there be the natural state as like a a healthy convincing and persuasion? Well, I wouldn't say that I wouldn't say that Jesus or the Holy Spirit convinces or persuades you.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:56

Yeah.

Parenting Triggers And Nervous System

Hookup Culture And Honest Desire

SPEAKER_00 1:08:57

You know, that that guidance comes through a mind that's aligned, right? So there's so there's this willingness to hear what's true. There's this willingness. First, you got to be willing to let go of your interpretation. That's what forgiveness is all about. You're letting go of your interpretation, you're seeing things as they are, you're willing to see that everything is originated in your mind first and then project it outward, right? So you're already in this receptive state of mind when you start hearing from the voice of the spirit. It's not trying to persuade you at all. That's always the ego that's coming with that kind of energy. I know for some of my friends, they get the sense like if you have a long-term or you have a deeply uh connected emotional experience, that your uh that your active friendship, let's say that you're connecting all the time and the depth of your experience should keep on going. That's not how it is, though. That's not how it is in reality. You know, it these these things change, they shift. There will be uh there will be openings for new energies to come in that are necessary for undoing the mind, that are necessary for undoing this dis-ease. So being open to how to however this is orchestrated allows everyone's dance to just be appreciated and embraced how it is. And then we're able to like really reap the benefits of having that dynamic with anyone, right? Having any whatever dynamic we're having with anyone, we're really able to reap the benefits. For one, we're gonna be a lot more present with them because we're aware that however we seem, however, close we seem to be right now, that could change in an instant. Right? This person can be completely gone from my experience for who knows how long, maybe the rest of the lifetime, right? And that's that that's what's really helpful for being present within all of our interactions. And that's how I am with my kids too. I don't know if I'm gonna see those fuckers again. Right? I'm over over there visiting with them. I'm enjoying the moment, I'm enjoying whatever it is that's being brought to the surface. And what I'm seeing now more and more, uh, at least with my older kids, my younger child, the one who's almost 18, he's a little bit quieter. Um, but you know, there's a phase that seems to go along with 18. 18 and life, you got it. 18 and life, you know. Woo! I've been there. Anyways, my two older kids, they're amazing with the way they handle emotional energy. I mean, you know, my daughter has always been, well, for the most part, most of the time. There was a short short span where she was seeming to be against me, but she's always been with me in terms of, yeah, let's see through this illusion. I love this. This is fun. Um, but my son, you know, he was trying to convince me that I was doing something wrong for many, many years. Um, and I just kept on enjoying that process. I'm enjoying the unfolding, watching myself get lighter and lighter with the energy. Really, that's what's going on. I'm watching myself get lighter and lighter with this energy that says, I'm a bad mom. That was another reflection. I'm a bad mom. Um, and I'm crazy, and I'm uh and I'm whatever. I don't know what else. Forgot. Anyways, what I saw was myself get lighter and lighter with the interactions until eventually, you know, the last time visiting him, especially, I saw him deal with an emotion that seemed to be about me and come into a state of uh resonance, you would say, where the nervous system, I saw him just regulate his own nervous system. His nervous system got triggered, he seemed to want to be triggered at me. I saw him stop, and uh and man, if everyone knew how to do that, think there'd be a war? No, there wouldn't. So uh so the teaching is spreading through anyone who just realizes, oh, I see how to get a different interpretation here. I see how to be open. I saw him open up, and then you know, after that, we just had a sweet connection. We had a sweet heart-to-heart connection because we're both open up. We both feel a trigger and we both do the same thing and we both open up. It's beautiful. Now you can't force anyone to do that if you're relating with someone and they're not gonna open up, they feel a trigger and they wanna project it. That's okay. That's what I did with my son for years. You know, I just go, you know, he'd say something to me and I get triggered, and then he'd go, Mom, you're really pissed right now, aren't you? And I go, the feelings in my body are telling me that I'm pissed, but I'm sure it's not true. I'm sure there's only love there. You know, and he'd taunt me a little bit too. You go, really, mom? Really, really? Yep. And you know, he's like, I can tell you're upset. And I'm like, I'm not saying I'm not upset. I am upset. I just don't believe it. I just don't believe what it's saying. That's all. I related with people the whole time, right through it. You know, I went, well, there were times where I was like, I don't know, I don't know, I don't see it clearly enough yet. And I was like, okay, I'm going to my room, I'm shutting the door. I'd just have bursts like that throughout the day. So like, fuck, this is too much. Go in my room, I'm getting my big crystal, had a big selenite. You have no those big selenites are. And I just hug that, usually cry or maybe scream or whatever, stuff like that. Until it became clear, oh, this is what needs to be done. It's really embracing my experience. How easy is that? Really? I mean, look at what's what to run away from that. It's like this pushing, this internal pushing. It's like, I don't want to run away. I'm here for it. Whatever it is you have to say to me, I'm here for it. I'm gonna be I'm gonna be embracing this perception. That's what it's for. So simple, so simple. And you know, all the even all this talking, all these years, it's just to point you to your own, uh, like an inner compass that brings you to this, so you can see that the world is your illusion and nothing else. And everyone in it loves you no matter what. Even if it seems like you have done something to them that that would be unloving, you know. The example that comes to mind is murder. I mean, everything that we do out of a sense like we want anything other than healing for a person is murder, anyways. Okay. So let's say you got the sense that you actually did murder a person. You don't need them to forgive you. That is not what you need. You need forgiveness. That's how that's that's how you're helpful. You extend forgiveness. What I thought happened didn't happen. If I if I thought I was being violent, if I had an illusion that I was being violent to the point where I seem to kill a body, all that means is I believed a thought. And I got carried away on that thought. Right? Of course, there might be consequences in the world that you're gonna have to deal with. No, I'm not advocac advocating killing or doing anything, actually, because there is no doing anything. It's the way that you think. I'm advert I'm advocating, advocating, I'm an adversary too. I'm advocating a gentler way of being with yourself so that there's less killing and eventually no killing of any kind, of any kind. No, the most the most uh impactful killing that's done is not in the physical, the physical is in effect, it's the way we think. Remember, if you're believing a thought that says you want anything other than healing out of any situation, any relationship, that's attacking your mind. Right. And look, even if even if you're asking for an apology and that comes out of uh thinking that you just want healing, and that seems like the way to get healing, great, but that's gonna be healing for you, whether you get an apology or not. Because it's coming from just this confusion about how to get it, but recognizing that all you want out of any relationship, out of any interaction is healing, right? Now apply that to hookup culture. One guy told me one one guy told me, I just want to get a picture of you so I could send it. I just want to get a picture of me with you so I could send it to my mom. Like, really? Your mom's gonna be impressed. He's like, Yes, she would be very impressed that that I was with you. And I go, well, this sounds like a transaction, so what's in it for me? Another one of these goofy examples where he he's got a problem in his mind. It must be something to do with it. He thinks his mom is disappointed in it. He thinks his mom is disappointed, yeah. A photo with him and an awesome chick, you know. Yeah, it's like, look, mom. I'm like, hmm, interesting mom that you have. Yeah, I mean, we can have relationships where there's uh there's a there's some kind of uh transaction. There's nothing wrong with this, right? Uh there's nothing, there's nothing wrong with, okay, sure, I'll go on a date with you. Are you taking me dancing and buying me sushi? And then he might say, are you gonna do some? I don't know. That's I'm not gonna be obligated. I'm not gonna give you your money back if I don't want to. You know, that is that it just really thins the crowd. I love that. I don't really want to go out anyways. I'm really happy here. I just I just like the interacting. I think the interacting is really fun, kind of like you know, this dating interacting. And, you know, a lot of people really, I'm uh I I'm kind of like new to this. They just want to hook up, they really just want to bone up. And I'll just so I just start asking them, what are you looking for? You're trying to get trying to get laid tonight, and they're like, Yeah, I want to do that sometimes, you know, and and and what about you? And I'm like, man, I love sex, but I'm just not trying to uh have shitty sex, and I noticed that. I noticed that most of you fuckers don't know how to have sex, so we need to connect a little bit before we're going there. One of them's like, I can learn, you can teach me. I'm like, what's in it for me? I mean, okay, I could look at it this way. I'm making a better world. You're only in your 20s, you're probably gonna date a lot of chicks, you're gonna make some people really happy. But you know, really, I just listen in the moment. I really I just listen in the moment. It's like, what is there? Uh enjoyment, excitement. Well, what is it? Where is it? You know, it's like I know it's coming for me. So whatever manifestation is showing me, it's showing me I can play with that. However, it is coming. Even if it means it looks like boundaries or it looks like no or no thank you or whatever. I'm definitely not afraid of you not uh whatsapping me back again.

The Myth Of Earning A Living

SPEAKER_01 1:23:06

Oh my goodness. All right, the other subject that came up this week. Really fun one. Um The idea of earning.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:24

Yes, yes. So I've heard this this kind of talk, um Elon, Elon Musk, I think, maybe some others too, about pretty soon no one's gonna need to earn anything. Right? And this is something that I have seen for a long time, and it's not like I'm denying the current situation that seems to be everyone has to earn everything, everyone has to earn their keep, earn their position, earn their place in someone's heart, for instance. Right? I've been seeing this for a while and noticing this is something we made up. We even made up money so that we can get this effect really well, as if we have to earn something. Right? So I've been looking at that, and of course, when I hear, oh, now Elon Musk is talking about something like this. Do I know about the details or anything? No. Do I know if he's really gonna bring it about? I have no idea if how that's gonna play out at all. Just that it's being echoed back. It's being echoed back. He's saying, Don't bother saving any money. Did you hear about this? So this is like it's like echoing my mind, is what I'm saying. Saying don't bother saving any money because within five years it's not gonna matter. What's the difference between someone in the field is echoing your mind and your or you're getting a reflection of a habit of your mind? Well, when you get a reflection, when you're talking about a reflection of a habit, you're you're talking about a habit as in reacting to something. So that's what it is. It's like you're reacting to something in your mind. So what I see is something that in the outer world, when this first started occurring for me, where I could see that no one really has to earn anything, this is something that we've been taught and actually applying it to my experience. I never saw that mirrored anywhere. But then this is years down the down the road. And now I'm seeing it being mirrored. Like I'm not the only one who is imagining uh what's true. Basically, imagine means image in. So it's like you bring in what's true. You bring it into this uh imaginary world. You bring the truth right into it. So I'm having these perceptions of having to earn. I'm having this, these uh upset feelings that seem to be about how am I ever gonna figure out how to earn how much I need. Right. And and I'm I'm meeting them with what's actually true. Oh, that's just and that's just a habit based on a belief that we have to earn God's love. Really, what it comes down to, because it's the sense of separation. It's like now you got to earn something back, right? So after many years of seeing it like that, then I hear it reflected in the field by someone prominent who it's going across all kinds of news outlets and stuff where a lot of other people are hearing this idea for the first time that no one has to earn a living. And that's just the truth being made manifest in the field. I don't know how long it's gonna take to actually manifest, but it's showing signs. That's how it is. This whole thing is a is a reflection of our own psyche. See, at first it seems really hard because it's like, how are we gonna get people on board with this? That we don't have to earn anything. Because, like, if you're just the only one believing that you don't have to earn anything, it's not gonna look like that in the field. Because everyone's gonna be like, like in my case, for instance, everyone around me, I surrounded myself with people who expected me to earn. That's what I did, right? So it seemed impossible. It seemed like I would have to be earning my keep, even just to be in this family, even it just to live in this household. That's how I was trained from the beginning. So as I started changing my mind about what my mind is really for, my mind is not. For earning anything, that's for sure. Uh start changing my mind about what my mind is for. Then I'm relating with the people in my family different until eventually they started seeing me different. And now they see me as not needing to earn anything. And that's an effect, the illusion follows after the mind, it the mind opens this and the mind gets changed this way. It's not that I'm lucky or anything like that. It's just that I kept on being persistent about bringing the truth in where basically everything, everything is covered with darkness, right? And not making anyone wrong. Not making anyone wrong about it. Not make you should apologize to me for making it like I need to earn my place in this world. No, I taught them to do that. Ah, and hope be. Oh, hope, I love you. Yay! You're my favorite hope. You know that? Yeah. I love everyone equally, but then I also have, or you you could say, and I also have different ways of loving everyone. And that's my favorite hope. Hope be. Yay. Okay. You are echoing that what I was talking and posting about this morning. Yay! Thank you. That's so exciting. Being persistent and being the change. Oh, I'm your favorite hope too. Look at that. Oh, aren't we sweet together? I love that. Thank you, Hope. I met another hope over here, too. I see her just about every day. She's a nurse and she's in this, it's called Restore Hyperwellness, where I go and get some different treatments. I don't need a nurse because I'm not getting IV, but I see her and it's fun and it's sweet, and it's always sweet that there's hopes around me wherever I go. Yeah. So the kickback that the ego gives about this idea that you don't have to earn anything is, oh yeah, right. Like take Natalie for instance. Uh, this is a good example. Natalie is uh habitually a worker, she works. Uh she she works and she brings in the uh the income to support a household, right? And so it may seem from her point of view that what are you fucking talking about, Hope? I can't just stop working. How's my daughter even gonna go to college and all this other shit gonna happen? How's my boyfriend gonna keep hanging around? He needs money. Right? Right. So so here's how it is. Notwithstanding the circumstances as they are right now, it's not resisting the circumstances as they are right now, it's meeting the circumstances with gratitude. This is what's giving me exactly what I need right now to see past the idea that my value lies in earning things, to see past the idea that if I don't earn, then I can't live. See, there's an upset feeling with cut that comes along with the conditioned thought. It's like uh, you know, it's like I can't afford to just not go to work, to just not do this medical billing that that I know, like I can't afford. That's how the ego's talking, right? I can't afford that. It's like, yeah, it looks that way to you right now because that's the way you set it up. What you can always afford to do is embrace that upset feeling. Recognize that you do not want it. That's part of the being gratitude, being grateful for it. It really is. You're grateful for it, and these can go along together. You would not keep it, right? If you could know a truth right now, today, that would allow you to be released from that, would you? That's really where you're being asked to go. You're just being asked to go there into that possibility. Remember that all these possibilities are possible. For so for me, this went on for at least 10 years, maybe longer than that. It may have occurred to me long even before that, that I need to see this differently every time it comes up and it comes knocking at my mind all day long, especially in the beginning, about how burdened I am. Right. Even uh, even thoughts that are were projectiled toward my husband for not being a fucking breadwinner, right? Like that's his function.

unknown 1:32:59

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:33:00

And so, even seeing all those thoughts, oh, that's just a manifestation, that thought that attacks him for not being a breadwinner, that's just a manifestation in the first place of me believing that something needs to be earned. My place in the world, for instance, has to be earned. And I have to do that through working. And it was actually through the perception that I was working, I was working in real estate that blew the lid off of all this. Really. I mean, I just went in full force. Oh, okay, this is how real estate agents do it. Okay, oh, okay, work 60 to 70 hours a week. Okay. Great. Um, my my screen, my screen time would say 16 hours, right? Of screen of screen time. And I'd look at that and I'd be like, only 16? Like more than that. Hey, I'm surprised. Got a lot done in those 16 hours. So uh, so what of okay, so like in my scenario, like I really can't imagine myself not working, but because of it seems like good reasons where I'm just like, oh, I mean, it's it's so multi-level, you know, there's so many different layers and stuff. And it's like, oh, well, I actually really enjoy going to work because I like the interactions with the people and stuff like that. Um, and then there's like the exhilaration of again this problem solving thing where it's like, right, okay, here's this list of bills, and then I get this like ding, it feels exhilarating where it's like, ooh, and I have the money to pay that one, you know, and it's like a puzzle every month figuring out.

SPEAKER_01 1:34:50

Um, yeah, I don't know.

Work As An Ego Video Game

Helping Without Rescuing Others

SPEAKER_00 1:34:54

I mean, it's like where it's so there's so many layers, yeah, you know, where yes, they're it seems inspired. And I've had that, I've I've had that experience too. Yeah, like um, but you both both energies arise too. They're just like like, wow, this is gonna be a long day. Right, yes, yes, yes, exactly. Like, oh, what mindset should I get into so I can like whoo make it to this one, another marathon of a day, right? Yeah, and and you know, the thing is there's no there's no day, there's just now. So Natalie's asking about like what about you know, she gets this excitement out of you know, sitting there and doing her medical billing and play paying her bills. Like there seems to be this problem where how are the bills gonna get paid, and then ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. She even donated to me. Thank you, Natalie. Um you know, and these things, uh, these things happening and things getting paid, apparently. And feeling like, okay, this is guided, this is inspired. Okay, so I went went through that too. And here's how I started to look at it just simply. If I didn't think I needed any money, would I be sitting here doing this right now? That's all. That's all. It's just really simple. And I started to see more and more, no, no, no, I wouldn't. And that didn't mean anything was wrong. That didn't mean anything was bad. I was just being totally honest with myself. If I didn't think I needed any money, would I be doing this right now? That's all I want to know. Not to make anyone guilty, not to make myself guilty for doing it. I'm just aware. Oh my gosh, if I thought that I had enough money right now, I would not be doing this. This is good to know. This is good information. And you just let yourself keep on getting that information over and over again. And you keep on, you know, you use your day like this. It's not a day where you got a bunch of shit to do. I don't care what's on the schedule, I don't care. You're like a puppet on strings going through that fucker. I'm telling you. Let yourself be a puppet on strings. Let yourself be that. Hold me up today. Hold me up today so I could use this experience for undoing the mind. That's all I want to do. I don't want to get through this day. I'm aware that there is no day. I'm aware that it's only this moment unfolding. Hold me up so I feel like a puppet on strings. And so that I could take everything and use it for reinterpretation, use it for getting free from these limitations I've given myself. You see how this is a little bit soothing to the ego that says it seems like it's inspired. Like, you know, there seems to be these problems, not enough money to meet the meet the bills, maybe. And then I start seeing how it all works out, and and it's really, it's nice and it's it's inspiring. Yeah, I've done it. It's an ego coping mechanism. It's like a forced video game. I'm being forced to play this video game, right? I'm not wanting to sugarcoat it. I'm not wanting to sugarcoat it anymore. I'm not I'm not wanting to pretend anymore. I don't care if I keep on doing this work, in my case, realtor, for the rest of my life. I don't care. I'm gonna use it the same way. It went away fast. Barely lasted. But I was in that place mentally by that time, right? I had seen through so much of this bullshit. That was like one last run I gave gave to the ego. Okay, show me how I can be a realtor, live in the world, make a lot of money, and be satisfied with that. And it was just really quickly where it showed me, oh my goodness, I can step into this now that I don't need to earn at all. Thank you, real estate. Thank you for that. Really showed me we really surrounded ourselves with the people who reflect our mind the best. And whatever reason people give for not coming around, that's not a real reason. The only reason they're not coming around is because it's not maximally beneficial for your interactions to occur. It's not the most beneficial thing. That's why they're not showing up. How much how loving is that? You don't have to guess. What did I do to what did I say? What did I do to make them not talk to me or something like that? What did I say or do to make it not feel the way it used to feel when we were closer? Fuck these things occur. Let them unfold. Let all the people be one movement, one body, just one movement. I mean, sure, when we're connected with someone, when we have uh an emotional connection with one another, we love each other differently, but it's the same love. All love comes from God. The only love that could be said to be love is God's love. And to know someone with all of their perceived limitations and all of that kind of stuff, and to still extend love, which comes through forgiveness, that's the miracle. That's the miracle in every relating. Whether or not you can continue to see that person in your life, you're going to continue to be relating with everyone you've ever related with at any time and be continued to be held in love with them. If there's any unforgiveness in your heart toward them, you're going to be projecting thoughts of harm that seems to be toward them, but the projected thoughts, they never leave your mind. So every time you're projecting a thought of harm for another person, and look at harm is where you are, what I'm calling harm is where you are uh wanting or thinking that you want, believing a thought that you want, something other than healing. Anything other than healing, anything that want anything other than wanting healing is murderous. It's a murderous thought, right? And they're so secretive, they just come up and then they're automatically believed by you when you're not aware that they're coming up. You know, for me, I just have my mind on loudspeaker to myself, right? I'm not necessarily speaking it out of my mouth, but I'm noticing the thoughts that are crossing my mind. And anything unloving, I'm just noticing that it's a meaningless thought. It's really easy. I mean, at this point, since there's been so much forgiveness that there's forgiveness before, there's gratitude before any pain arises or anything. You know, most of my time, whether I seem to be doing anything with my body or anything, is seeing these thoughts that don't mean anything and simply recognizing that they don't mean anything. Ah, I don't have to be burdened by it at all. Right. You know, a thought occurs to me, oh, they maybe they ripped me off over there, or that person was disrespectful to me over there. It's like, oh, just like come back to the breath because none of that means anything. Take a break. Take a break from all this. The ego is very um, I would say, what's that word? Anxious. Anxious to get apparently anxious to get solutions to all the problems. How do I solve this in my mind? How do I make this look okay in my mind? How do I be okay with this here? Right? That there's nothing there to even solve because there's no problem in the first place. I mean, I see patterns all day long. You could take those as being problems, and then they would then I I'd be seeing problems all day long. But knowing that they're patterns and they're not problems, what I'm seeing are are opportunities all day long. Oper do opportunities for deeper awareness, deeper awareness about how I sell myself short, you could say, or abandon myself to try to comfort someone. That seems to be uh the kind of conditioning I have. I will uh apparently I have probably won't anymore, abandon myself to make sure someone else's nervous system is regulated, right? And the thing is about of course I want your nervous system to be regulated. I fucking love that, right? It's just that it's not going to be effective because it won't be uh mirror it coming in a miracle-minded way unless I'm allowing my nervous system to be regulated first. You know, it's kind of like when you're on an airplane and the stewardess tells you, if the oxygen mask comes down, you got a kid, you put the mask on the kid first. No, you put the mask on yourself first. Yeah, you're listening agreeing with me. You put the mask on yourself first. And fuck that kid. No, just kidding. That way, that way you're breathing smoothly already and you're calm and you're able to put the mask on the kid in a way that's going to be effective. And that's the same way, you know, something that I've uh I've really seen lately is how my tendency is to help. When I see that my presence regulates another person's nervous system, my tendency is to be helpful, right? And that's an ego tendency because the ego can only be helpful in a way that murders, right? But when I recognize, oh, that's a desire to be helpful, that's a desire, the desire to be helpful actually is coming from source. The ego doesn't really desire to be helpful. Oh, that's a desire to be helpful. How can I help myself be helpful right now? Right? It's more like that. And recognizing that person doesn't need help from me. They do not need my help to regulate their nervous system. They can do that on their own. See, that's another thing. I tend to get hooked, and you may be that kind of personality too. Uh, where, you know, basically we're programmed with these certain personalities. And when we see how they work, we actually start peeling away the identity. It's amazing. So I'm noticing how I'm programmed. Uh, my programming looks like if people need me, I'm obligated to help them out. Even even if the dynamic itself needs some seeing through. Oh, there's a different dynamic here at play that I didn't see because I was looking at the one where I am able, this is really common to me, be able to regulate other people's nervous systems to where to the point where they'll they'll come to me for nervous system regulation, which that's fine with me if it's a byproduct, but that's not not something that I need to give or want to give. People come to me looking for truth and I share truth. That's a way of kind of like teaching the person to fish so they can do their own nervous system regulation. But I've also had instances where people are following me around getting their nervous system regulated, but not actually taking the teachings to heart to be able to regulate on their own. See? So, so just recognizing, oh, okay, here's where, and you know, it comes up through pain, basically. Emotional pain, a headache, a problem, whatever. That's how it's that's how it's revealed to us. So just being more true to, and you know, this is how these revelations occur. You're just being more showing you how you could be more true. Maybe revelation isn't the right word. It's clarity, it's insight. And it's not that the word is wrong, it's just that I teach a course in miracles, and the definition that's used for revelation is something different. So it's a it's a kind of clarity. It shows you I don't have to extend myself in that way that's coming from the ego, and how to recognize too the difference from uh where the ego is going. Oh, I can distract her here regulating this person who really isn't even interested in awakening. They just treat, they they act like it and maybe even believe it, probably totally believe it for themselves, that they're interested in awakening. Um, but someone interested in awakening actually wants to be able to regulate their own nervous system by seeing what's actually true, right? By seeing that any kind of hurt that they're projecting onto another person or themselves is actually coming from their mind. And that's what they really want to see. And that's the only reason they're even interacting with me. That's the only reason that even if they don't know it, that's the only reason they're even coming around, right? I'm not looking for the interaction, I don't need to look for the interaction, okay? Because I already have what I need, but uh but people who need to uh interact may not know why they need to interact, they're just feel like they do. Okay. So they do want to see something. It's just that the this defensiveness, this ego defensiveness is so thick. So it's like it confuses even the reason why you might be reaching out to a person.

SPEAKER_01 1:50:00

Yay, welcome Brittany.

Deep Dives Donations And Farewell

SPEAKER_00 1:50:05

Ah, all right. Anyone had have any questions? I am winding down. Yay. What a beautiful interaction we've had today. Thank you. I'll be back on Wednesday for another super potent A Course in Miracles deep dives. I don't know if you guys have been joining me for those. Natalie, you've been listening with those on those ACM. She's behind. She's behind schedule. You better get on it, Natalie. Just kidding. No, these are these are great. They'll they'll be around and they're deep, you know. Um, definitely. Whew. Yeah. Join me Wednesdays three to five for Course in Miracles Deep Dive. And go to my website. I take donations on my website. You can donate monthly. If you haven't set yourself up on a monthly donation yet, please consider that. Um it's very helpful. I pay for different things to keep my uh podcast and videos and everything streaming to you guys. And uh yeah, I don't cost that much to live, I don't think. It's pretty basic. People give me a house and a car. Yeah. So anything you can do to help be very helpful. I'm also open to help having people help me to get more clips. I checked with AI, and apparently it's gonna be about a year or a year and a half before AI is actually gonna be able to pick out the clips that have really good impact. And then I could it says that. I don't know. My idea was to get clips on TikTok in an easy way, and an easy way would, of course, be having AI to pick them out. If anyone else wants to get my clips and pick them out for me and want to help me in that way, I am so open to that. You could watch these videos, pick out clips, uh, pull them out for me, and then that'd make it really easy for me to get something going on TikTok, get the message spread nice and wide. Um, and you know, I could say not even that it matters to me, because I know just speaking it into the mind with conviction, uh with awareness, with certainty changes everything. So if that's inspiring, I would be in if that's inspiring for you to help me with, I would be inspired to run with that too. So either way, yay. Hopejohnson.org, that's where you can also book one-on-ones with me. You can get my book, uh, Unschooling for Parents, Awakening with Children, uh, Mystic's Guide for Awakening with Children. That's on my website. And uh, I do Lib In too. That's really fun. I love doing that kind of stuff. Oh, you're gonna give me the best mom award, Kea. I love you too. Thank you, sweetie. Oh my god. You're you're the most awesome daughter ever. Thank you. Thank you for your insight and your light and your trust and your support and your awareness. Always. Thank you, Kaya. And if Tony's there with you, I love you too, Tony. All right, you guys. Until next time. Mahalo. Aloha, and a hoo-e-ho. Woo! Woo-hoo!