Rape Culture and Forgiveness | Wisdom Dialogues @ Lake Whatcom | March 29, 2026

“Forgive him” can sound holy while it quietly protects harm. From Lake Whatcom, Washington, we start with a real controversy in a spiritual community where forgiveness language gets used to pressure people who still feel traumatised, and we slow it all the way down. We talk about consent, rape culture dynamics, nervous system impact, and why real forgiveness is never something you demand from someone else, and never proof you should give anyone access, power, or a platform.

Then we take the A Course in Miracles framework seriously and make it usable. We explore forgiveness as an internal undoing of fear, projection, and self-attack, plus how to see patterns without turning it into blame. We also bring in the body as a symbol for the mind through fascia, block therapy, rib releases, and the idea that pain can be fear surfacing in manageable layers. If you’re into somatic healing, nervous system regulation, mind-body connection, or nonduality, this will land in a practical way.

We end in the gritty places where spirituality gets real: health decisions and diagnosis culture, peer pressure to “do what the doctor says,” and the question “is there a gentler way?” We also share candid dating and relationship lessons about asking for attention, naming boundaries early, and noticing where we abandon ourselves to keep connection. If something here hits a nerve, that’s not a problem, it’s information.

Subscribe for more ACIM-centered deep dives, share this with a friend who’s untangling forgiveness and boundaries, and leave a review so more people can find the conversation. What’s one place in your life where “forgiveness” has been confused with letting something slide?

Transcript

Welcome To Wisdom Dialogue

SPEAKER_01 0:24

And welcome to Wisdom Dialogue with Hope Johnson. Coming to you from Lake Wacom, Washington. Yay. Thank you for joining. I'm so happy you're here. I'm glad you're here. Oh forgiveness. That's the word. It seems to be misunderstood. That's not really that surprising, but I I just saw a really um good example of using forgiveness in a way that's really more like perpetuating a rape culture. I was like, I was like, wow. Okay. Um, I was really glad it came up. Just to give you guys a little bit of backstory. This is uh stuff that seems to be happening over in Pune. I'm not even in Pune on the big island of Hawaii. Over here. Well, it has to do with flow fest. They're calling it Bro Fest now. Yeah. Apparently uh they're bringing someone on stage who's really, really popular, and they made him a headliner, and apparently he was like involved in rape and all this other stuff. So the women are like coming out, like feeling really traumatized and stuff. And you know, the forgiveness that the organ, the main organizer of it was talking about on a video was not the kind of forgiveness that is talked about, like in a course in miracles, the way it's pointing to forgiveness. You know, it doesn't mean you demonstrate forgiveness by placing a person somewhere, giving them anything, anything like that. It doesn't mean that. And also it's not something for other people to do. That's an internal movement. You know, there was an expectation. What I saw was an expectation of forgiveness put onto the people who are still feeling traumatized from their experience with this particular uh musician right around the community. So it was really interesting to me because it got to be so huge. It was such a huge conversation. Did you catch any wind of it at all? No, okay.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

I thought you were talking about some guy who knows it was like, oh, all his drama with like his girlfriend accusing him of rape, and you know, he's like a healing practitioner, the other guy, and just like, oh my god, how did I attract this crazy woman into my life?

What Forgiveness Means In ACIM

SPEAKER_01 3:35

Oh, I see, I see. Yeah, I didn't even know about that one. I mean, this this one was like uh, you know, it was really so many of my friends were in the comments, and so it was interesting to me to read what was going on and notice well, yeah, there's a big response to this right now, you could say, because the consciousness is awakening, like what was unseen is being seen in the first place. Like this kind of stuff wasn't even seen before. You have someone popping up and go, hey, I don't feel comfortable with that, you know, that person having a stage here, like they haven't really uh, they haven't really changed since the time they apparently was in was in this kind of a thing. So those people would always get pushed to the side, people would not listen to them, make up different stories. And this is a common, this is like an undercurrent, what I see. It's an undercurrent for the whole uh mindset that lets people believe that it's uh a happy thing to take advantage of another person. You know, like to touch them in a way that's not uh that they're not consenting to, let's say, right? Rape, um drugging, and then taking advantage like that, just having anything in your in your mind where you get the sense that taking advantage of another person, like getting somehow getting past their boundaries, is happiness, leads to somehow some happiness, right? So what I've seen going on is just people will will pop up, and I saw this in my childhood too, and go, hey, this happened to me, and I'll be like, and and it'll be covered up really fast, you know. And for me, like in my case, uh forgiveness the way I was taught is now you have to live with the dude that just molested you for five years because that's forgiveness. That's those two things aren't they're they're not even on the same level, right? It's like forgiveness is forgiveness. What I thought happened didn't happen. Uh and we recognize how we're holding energy in a way that would bring about these consequences, you know, when we're ready for that, when we're ready to see it that way. Um and taking full responsibility for everything that occurred, yes, uh, not everyone has seen to the point where they're feeling ready to do that. You know, this is in stages, people start to see things, and now people are seeing this energy where there are just way more comments on the side of, oh my goodness, what are you guys doing? This is not cool, right? And what and and my take on that was wow, things have changed. Because normally the voices that are saying, you're being negative, you're bringing up something from the past, and all that kind of stuff, they would drown out the people that are saying, Hey, this isn't being cool, this isn't being loving, this is, you know, you might call enabling, right? Because it's like, uh, here you go, here's the stage where so many are upset, right? Not that it's wrong. I was talking with a friend about this, uh, this too. You know, she was telling me about how when she was repeatedly being raped and she would tell people about it and they wouldn't believe her, she would feel so bad. And she says, through that bad feeling, she actually came to recognize oh, it didn't really happen. And she was really able to play with it, you know. So it's not like anything can go wrong, it's not like anything is going wrong or anyone's doing it wrong. It's what I see is this undercurrent of ignorance being exposed, so that it's like we see that we see what you're doing there, right? We see you using uh uh forgiveness as your frame to really push something that's it's ugliness, it's fear. You know, it's hard to see when you think other people should wake up. It's like a block when you think other people should wake up. When you're holding it really lightly, it's just like you just see, you're like, oh, that's what's going on. That's really what's going on there. So, oh, Christine, so many people engage in having an opinion. I think you say option, but I think you mean opinion. Yes, not on the same level. Yeah, so let's talk about not on the same level. What do I mean by that? Well, forgiveness is for your mind to see that you brought that circumstance about based on a thought you did not want. Any any circumstance that you don't want, that is an effect of a thought you don't want, or you might say thinking patterns you don't want, they manifest this form. So in recognizing that you can see past meaningless thoughts that tie you to repeat the same patterns. What occurs on the surface, that's that's really unimportant. Let's say that it's unimportant. That's why you could always choose the kindest thing. What I heard of the of the presenter talking about, you know, it sounded like he was trying to do the kindest thing for the headliner, but not the kindest thing for the women in the community who were going, hey, you know, we haven't had we didn't we haven't had reparations with this person yet. And and that we don't think that he should just land here right back on stage, basically. Right. And I'm not saying what they should or should not do, I'm just talking about the tone of the um explanation. There was an explanation given, and I watched the explanation and I'm just looking at the tone of the explanation, is that the women, uh, if they can't, this is the tone of the explanation, if they can't unconditionally forgive, like they're not that spiritual to unconditionally forgive yet, then they should just shouldn't come to the festival. And that just generated all kinds of all kinds of activity. Uh, me and my friend were laughing. She made a comment on there. She's like, wow, she said she to the guy who is the speaker and the organizer of the festival, she's like, Wow, you do not understand the impact this is having on the nervous system of the collective right now. And then, and then I'm like, Yeah, I I commented back. I'm like, yeah, I feel that too. I also notice these undercurrents being exposed. And you know, like when undercurrents like this are being exposed and it's coming to light, and more and more people are seeing it, what we're doing is seeing uh an energy that's not going to be able to continue anymore. It's it's done. Once that many people are seeing it, it's just it's over. You, you know, it's like the ego can't get away with hiding behind false forgiveness like that, that actually uh kind of like makes a bubble for harm to occur.

SPEAKER_03 12:25

What needs to be seen so this pattern can finally collapse is the addiction to we see you, you guilty one over there. Well, sure.

SPEAKER_01 12:39

Well, yes, that is that is a really good that that is really good. Okay, so Natalie's talking about, you know, from her point of view, what she sees that in order for forgiveness to happen and for the pattern to collapse, there needs to be got gotten rid of. We see you over there doing something wrong. It's like, you know, and then there's a fear of seeing the patterns because you're like, I don't want to see anyone wrong, you know what I mean? But if you're willing, you'll see the patterns without that energy of making the person wrong, you know, and you can see when you see it like that, you also see how everything is helpful. Like for me, you know, you bring it back to yourself. It's like, how is this helping me? See, like everything that you get a perception of, it's like it's kind of like it's a gift from God, even though it's an illusion, it's a gift from God because your very awareness is from God. So it's always giving an opportunity. So, what I see is for me, from my point of view, to be able to witness that and look at it as it's mirroring my mind, what I see is my mind is awakening. It's like whatever stage other people may seem to be in does not matter. The fact is, my mind is awakening, and whatever phase they're in, if they're in a blame phase, and I'm telling you, actually, what I saw is a lot of them are not. A lot of them are not, actually. You know, of course, there's the angry ones, some of them want to beat some ass and different stuff like that, but but uh but it's like there's definitely different um, I guess you would say, extension extensiveness or levels of awakening that people are going through. I mean, I made a comment that just uh talked about how forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean a person is given a stage. I said the the the um organizers of the festivals are dealing with this energy, and it's up to them to decide do they want to go forward with this energy when they can just like not have that person there and not have that energy? There's not a right or wrong answer to that, but that's really the question. It's real simple. So, so one person uh, you know, with non-duality oneness kind of training behind him, made a long comment about, you know, shouldn't he be forgiven? Shouldn't he be forgiven? Why are you against him and stuff like that? And you know, that's how the ego looks at recognizing patterns and just seeing them with simplicity, you know, it's not like it's not like you know, we're not gonna have you at the festival because you're not being well received by our community is unforgiveness. It's not, it's just on the level of form playing out, you know, more reasonably. Uh or or you know what, we're gonna we are gonna have you uh at the festival and we'll just see how it goes. Whatever. You know, it's just like noticing what what is being presented and being grateful for all the players and everything that's being presented. Yes, my love.

SPEAKER_03 16:13

Um, yeah, it's always interesting when something happens on a big scale like this, where it's so public. Yeah, um, yeah, this guy is serving such an important function, right? And each person that has their opinion on what occurs is there's gonna be a feeling with that opinion. So, say the person who's like, I want to beat some ass. Right, beat some of us, yes. That feeling was within you the whole time, and it's keeping you from um experiencing God. And so this guy all of a sudden comes along and thank you. Like he he played the role to bring it up into you for yeah, so you want to just back up and just be like a quick like hats off. Okay, thanks, dude. I know this actually doesn't have anything to do with you. I'm gonna switch over here, my focus. What is this feeling? I've got someone's ass.

SPEAKER_02 17:09

Okay, so so I'm ready to forgive that.

SPEAKER_01 17:12

Yeah, yeah. So so from your point of view, where you hear that story. So Natalie's talking about how you know one of the comments was, I'm gonna beat some ass, right? Um, and she was saying, uh, she was saying that that person uh could see right there that he was already angry within, and this was just a trigger, a mirror to show that anger. So here's the thing about that. What does it mean to you? That's the question. Like, what does it mean to you to have that whole thing play on in your mind, like what that dude should do? That's the way I would see it. Like when it's playing in my mind, what that dude should do. Here's the thing: you are super advanced in your way of looking at things, okay? The way you see things is different than than people. This person that I just have in mind right now, uh, one of them, one of them's one I know personally, and he's a real sweetie to me, and he's just on there talking about beating ass. So it's really cute. Um, you know, it's like he's not gonna listen to any of this. He loves me, and he's not gonna listen to any of this shit. Because he he he can't take it. He wants to beat ass right now. That's perfect for him. And his wanting to beat ass right now is perfect for everyone, even the ones whose ass that he beats. Because he's not at the point where he can accept this, right? So it's not up to us to make them ready to accept what's true, right?

SPEAKER_03 18:51

But he but even that dude is important in my um process. Because I'm like, well, if I'm seeing someone in my field in my perception that's want to be asked, then that even still is me. Yes, it is. I'm like, so for I'll drop into that, I was like, oh, do I have any of that? Why, yes, I do. Okay, thanks, dude. Hats off.

War As A Daily Thought Habit

SPEAKER_01 19:14

Like, yeah, and and you know, you just embrace the self-affirm because what's if what's happening, if what's happening in your body's energy field, and you can notice it because it'll be like an upset feeling, and it'll seem to relate with another person. So if that occurs, uh, which does a lot of the times, then you're embracing that self because that's yourself, you know. Natalie was saying, that's me, you know. Um, it's like, okay, of course it's it's in me if it's being perceived. I can't perceive anything that I didn't project. So of course it is in me. Now, what is that? How do I deal with it then? Like, how is it right now? And that's just a matter of completely accepting the self of form. That's the self that you made that seems to be your whole thing, your self-image, and every self-image and everything in the world. You know, it's really just an embrace of what is. It's like, of course, that's right. Of course, that should be because it is. That doesn't mean that I don't get a sense that I don't like it. If I get a sense that I don't like it, that's good to know. That means I don't have to keep it. Right? That's really that's the promise. And, you know, people go, why? It means you don't have to keep it. Yeah. And, you know, we see things on a larger scale. Like someone told me the other day, uh, you know, I got cute little dudes that want to hang out with me all around when we talk about flying and stuff like that. And he asked me, uh, he asked me if I could fly uh if I'm okay with flying. I was like, yeah, it's no problem at all. He goes, even right now. And I go, what do you mean, even right now? He's like, there's a war. I'm like, no shit. Isn't there always a war? anyways, apparently there's wars. I'm reminded of this from time to time.

unknown 21:20

Like, where?

SPEAKER_01 21:21

I I heard, I heard uh Natalie's like, like where is she? I don't remember actually. Uh I don't even remember where the war is.

SPEAKER_02 21:29

Is it the Green, the Greenland?

Miracles As True Remembrance

SPEAKER_01 21:32

Greenland? I don't know. Israel, maybe, or Iran. Maybe it starts with an I. Uh, anyways, even war, it comes down to our day-to-day habits of thought that are warring and we don't recognize that they are warring thoughts. Okay? That's just where there's unacceptance. Any unacceptance of self. Like let's say all you did to all you did up today, up until now, is lay around on the couch and scratch your cooch or balls, depending on what you have. Let's say that's what you did all day, right? Up until this point. Well, the ego believes you are only human. And the ego believes that it's gonna protect you by telling you you haven't done enough today. The ego believes it's gonna protect you by telling you haven't been productive enough and you need to be more productive. In the moment that you are listening to the ego's voice, your mind is blank. You're not creating. That's why it's called an uncreative thought, miscreative thought. Okay, stuff like that. Mistaken thought, erroneous thought. You're not creating when you're listening to a story about you being human. You're only present now, you're only present now. Everything in your perception is arising out of your projecting it now. It actually has zero substance. Memory means nothing, it's just projected. It's fun because in a course in miracles, we've been studying a course in miracles, and uh one of the sayings that we deep dive, we deep dove into of uh of Jesus is is well, do this in remembrance of me. And you know, we were going into okay, he's talking about remembrance. What's he talking about? He's talking about in time, so there's something we're doing in time, and what he's saying is, do this make miracles in remembrance of me. That's all there is to do.

SPEAKER_03 24:16

Was this a recent one?

SPEAKER_01 24:18

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_03 24:18

I gotta catch up, man.

SPEAKER_01 24:20

Well, you or the back, it's probably not posted yet. I think this was maybe one or two shows back, not last week, but back one or two shows.

SPEAKER_03 24:31

Still on the one where Wayne was here. We got 28 pages of notes.

Fascia And Block Therapy Basics

A Cliff Fall And Course Correction

Pain Is Fear In The Body

SPEAKER_01 24:35

28 pages of notes, yes, yes. It's it's so fun to dive deep. So, yeah, do this in remembrance of me. And this is a the saying from communion, the communion, um, the last supper, do this in remembrance of me. And it turned into basically it turned into uh a ritual where you eat some bread and drink some wine. But what Jesus was saying to do in remembrance of him, not eat his body or drink his blood symbolically, but do miracles in remembrance of him. That's all there is to do. There is nothing else here, there's absolutely nothing else here, and it's our re-believing over and over again with emotion, as if there is something here that makes it keep propping up and also keep propping up in ways we don't like it. You guys, I'm only lots of times people tell me they want to get to where I am. You know, they they look at me and they think I'm ahead of them. Okay, fine, maybe I am in those terms, but I'm I'm looking at this and I'm going, I'm just scratching the tip of the iceberg. Just because I can see that there's a I when I'm looking at it, I'm going, holy shit, there is a mountain of just these patterns. The body is a really good symbol with its fascia system, right? I was, oh my gosh, you guys, I was on Facebook and I saw this post come across from Block Therapy Facebook group, right? Block Therapy is blocktherapy.com. It's what I use wooden blocks to release my fascia. It's kind of like my exercise and my meditation and yoga altogether. Uh, anyways, uh someone asked, will there ever be a time when all of my fascia is released? And how will I know it's done? That's kind of like the same question. Well, will I will I ever know when my mind will will my mind ever be purified? And how will I know when it's done? The answer is, oh yes, it will. Body is a reflection of the mind, okay? What I'm experiencing all the experiencing all the time is hundreds of chiropractic-like adjustments all day long. And I know they're symbolic. You know, it seems to come from releasing a lot of fascia, and you know, things are just able to move around, but I know it's symbolic because the more I uh recognize what this is in the present moment, like an ongoing moment of recognition of what this is and not making it into illusion, the more it reflects in the body sense. Things just release, it goes into more of a sense of alignment and relaxation, and that's you could say the will of God for you is to be released from tension, right? Just to be released from tension, and there's all kinds of things in the field that seem to either increase tension or decrease tension, and they don't really have the power on their own to do anything like that, they can't do anything to you. And when you watch and notice your internal reaction when doing those exercises, whatever it seems to be, let's say it's weight lifting, let's say it's um texting on your phone, whatever it is. Notice in your body's energy field is this increasing tension or decreasing tension. Not to make a judgment, not to say what you should do. It's a matter of being aware. You're aware of what's going on. Here's what I find too. I practice this a lot when I was working uh with Miracle Botanicals, I used to do a lot of computer work. And, you know, I'd notice this sense like I do not want to do this much computer work. I feel a clamping down. And before I started working with block therapy, even though I had a lot of yoga, and I think it's because I had a lot of yoga, doing the yoga uh involved a certain kind of focus. Again, it's mental. Okay. Doing the yoga involved a certain kind of focus. So I could see that I'm doing my work while clenching. You know, it's like there's this clenching happens subtly. It's in the body in different areas, um, all over, really. It happens subtly at first and it goes unnoticed until it manifests as specific pain. That's when we finally go, oh my goodness. Right. And up until recently, people didn't even realize they're just all wound up with fascia and need to release that stuff. So before I started doing that, I noticed I was tense as I was going through work and I was doing the work with a sense like I was sacrificing something to get something. I was sacrificing my well-being in this moment and my health to get something. So I didn't judge that about myself. I didn't like it, wasn't like, oh, that's terrible, you know. I just kept on witnessing that. I witness myself going through that. You know, it's and a lot of compassion comes through that because there's this innocent slash ignorant belief that uh what I'm doing right now is going to benefit me in the future, right? You can see how it's innocent, but it's ignorant. And everyone else is gonna agree with me. You know, at the time what I was doing was building out Miracle Botanicals website, which if you go to miraclebotanicals.com, you'll see it's a beautiful website. You know, it really is. Yeah, Natalie loves it. Easy, easy shopping. Yeah. And you know, after the fact, so so to give you like a recap, and for some of you who are new to hear this for the first time, um, once I finished, I wanted to finish before my brother came because my brother was coming to Hawaii and I wanted to hang out with him. So it was kind of like I was uh I was feeling collapsed in my core, and I was noticing the collapse of my core. It almost felt like my organs were being punctured by my ribs. I could barely breathe. I was not taking deep breaths, and you know, I was just aware of this. So my brother comes, I end up following him to the cona side, and before I ever leave my house, my mom calls and tells me that my father, my biological father, passed away. The same day I finish my website, my biological father passed away. I go over to the kona side and proceed to fall off a cliff. So at the bottom it was a rental house on the on the kona side, yeah. My brother was renting a house over there. Yeah, it was it was only maybe like six feet, uh maybe a little bit higher. Yeah, it was plenty, it was uh-uh, you know, the sharp kind. So I got stabbed in a couple places, sliced. That's just that's the slices, it's fun. Anyways, so at the bottom of the cliff, I would the first thing was just gratitude. I was like, thank you. I knew something was off and needed a course correction. I'm not saying that I need to be corrected through pain, but that was the gentlest nudge I would accept because I was getting nudged already and I couldn't, you know, I couldn't see past it. Like I feel like my organs are being punctured by my ribs, and I'm still going. It's funny because it's like my loyalties to things in the world were strong, were really strong. My loyalty, loyalty to being married, loyalty to the household, loyalty to miracle botanicals. Uh, and you know, I was being shown to, and for years that this isn't what you're called to do right now. Look at the look at the reaction, notice the reaction in the body's energy field. Uh, but it's not like it's wrong, it's just, you know, to have the gentlest experience possible. And for me, even falling off of a cliff, it was just so gentle. It really was. Even though it was bloody and things were all kinds of things, it just when you see things as being valuable and helpful no matter what it is, everything is a gift, it just manifests as gentleness. The people around me were really sweet. You know, there was one moment, uh, maybe two moments that pop up where things seemed uh extremely painful, but other than that, not too much. It was um, you know, it's like it's like when it occurred, it was like, yeah, it was like, oh yeah, this is awesome. And then my husband didn't come and get me. You know, it was kind of like he didn't, he wasn't aware of uh how how I am, even though when I was in childbirth with our third kid, I was like, the baby is coming, so calm. The wit the midwife didn't believe me, right? So I called my husband, I said, I need you to come get me. I fell off a cliff, kind of like with that tone, you know. He goes, Can I come tomorrow? And I said, Yes, you know, uh and and inside I was just kind of like, wow, that's over. That that relationship, whatever it is, I see it. I I go, oh, that's that's done. It's like it was just like right, it was just revealed right there. I was like, I was like, okay, well, I'm not trying to move. So show me. So different things just open, you know, it's like it's like it just opens. It's like there's just like an opening, there's another opening, you know. And then my when when my husband came and and picked me up, uh, I just noticed kind of like uh a sense like I'm I'm trouble, I'm too much trouble. You know, I just notice a sense like that. It's like, oh, okay, you know, just like being aware and go, okay, I'm open. I'm open to seeing, I'm open to seeing that uh change. I'm open to seeing um the situation change. It's like it, it's like having the perceptions loosens the loyalty. That's what I see. It's like it loosens this ego loyalty that says we have to see anything through. We have to see something out till the end, for instance. Yes, my love.

SPEAKER_03 37:03

I'm glad I'm glad you're bringing the story up. I don't know if it was this story or if it was another one where you cut your foot or something, but wasn't it you you had a moment where there was something really painful physically happening, and you asked your brother. Yes. You said pain is just fear.

SPEAKER_01 37:20

Pain is fear. That's right.

SPEAKER_03 37:22

Um this had this I had a similar thing, like when I was having my rib release last week. Aaron was like, oh, how would I be helpful? Just you know, and I was like, it'd be most helpful if you just you know, I felt like I needed someone else to just not believe in the fear.

SPEAKER_01 37:43

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Right. I noticed that look on your face. So Natalie's talking about her partner when she had a rib release. This is something that happens with block therapy, too. Usually for the first year, people are doing block therapy. They'll have rib releases, it'll feel really painful. It'll almost feel like hard to breathe, hard to move, stuff like that. Um, as they're in Christine knows about it too. Uh, so so Natalie is asking her partners going, How can how can I help? What can I do to be helpful? And she's like, I need someone to not believe in this reality that I've made of this thing being a real thing, right? Something to be afraid of. And it reminded me last week, Natalie came over a little bit early, early, because she asked me, can I come over? I need some help. I got a rib release, I want to do some blocking. I'm like, sure, come on over. And it was it was funny because it seemed to me the thing she actually needs help, needed help with is to be released from fear. Because, you know, she she told her story to me, and I just reflected back to her how freaking awesome this is, and totally normal, totally normal. And and it's like, why is there pain? You know, one of the questions is why is there pain that lasts for weeks and feels like this? It's like because you buried that away. It's like you bury it in your mind, you bury it away, and it comes to the surface in small amounts, amounts that you can handle that aren't too much. Like if you could feel all the pain that you're projecting onto your body in any in one moment, you would be screaming and running. You wouldn't be able to talk. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 39:41

So with this this feeling like like I need is like, well, what I need from you is to like, you know, think the way that I do and don't, you know, try to see past the fear. It's like, do I actually really need that?

The Inner Critic And Self-Need

Presence Over Productivity And Habits

SPEAKER_01 39:56

Okay, so what's going on right now? Natalie's talking about, you know, she's a voice in her mind is going, I need you to be like this. I need you, my partner, to reflect back to me like that. That's the kind of support I need right now. And the way she's saying it, the tone that she's using and the way that she's saying it, the way that you're saying it, Natalie, is uh is kind of an it feels like unacceptance of the self for needing something. Okay. So, so, so look at it like this. It's preventing you from asking for what you want. Okay. Uh, you know, you can ask for what you want, you don't need to expect that they're gonna give it to you. But get more used to asking for what you want because you deserve to have whatever it is. And see, we don't we don't ask for what we want because we don't realize what it is we want. Like in Natalie's case, right here, I'm just gonna take a wild guess and say, what Natalie wants is to wake up. And she thinks that this is the way to wake up to look at herself in this unaccepting way for needing something. See, when really what she wants is just to express, hey, you know what would be really helpful since you're not the one feeling this pain that I seem to be feeling, which is really fear. Will you help me by looking at it like it's actually just fear manifests and it has no cause, like block therapy didn't even cause it. Would you help me in looking at it like that? That would be really fun. You know what I mean? Just like asking for what you want. And if he's like, you know what? Fuck no, Natalie. That just sounds like some crazy bitch witch stuff that I'm not gonna get involved in. Then you just notice your notice your body response. You know, it may be saying, we naturally get these loyalty, kind of like loyalty bands with people. Release some of that loyalty, place loyalty where it is uh uh, let's say where it's worthy of you, right? You know, you know, you just place it where is what I mean is it is these bands of almost like bands of loyalty go toward relationships and people and stuff like that. Just notice it gives you, it's almost like it's a freedom to release loyalties. So it's like you have this ability to extend loyalties to what merits loyalty. Is it worthy of you? Like, yes, I like this. No, I don't like this, right? So you can see that there's a lot of in the spiritual process, uh, spiritual waking process condemning the self that you made. It's very common, see, for you, Natalie. Specifically, there's a certain voice that you use. So if you would tune into the tone of that voice, that's the mean girl voice that you're being mean to yourself. Okay, your inner child is like this. Oh fuck, did I do it wrong? Am I doing it wrong? You see how it you see how it always comes back to more freedom. Yeah, it always comes back to more freedom. It's kind of like you have a child in in you. You know, a lot of people call it the inner child, but it it's it lives now, and it's all about happiness and having fun and stuff like that. And when you're talking to Her or him that way. There's a certain sense in the nervous system that reacts to it. I'm real sensitive to tones and patterns, so I can pick up on it easily. Um, and you know, my kind of sensitivity is really fucking awesome, I must say. And it's fun because it's not the kind of sensitive where it's like I gotta be away from people. It's like I could just cancel out without even having to bring anything up. I will bring it up if there's an opening and the person is like interested in hearing what I have to share. Uh I'll, I'll, I'll bring it up. I'll find myself bringing it up. But for me, it's just it's an automatic just canceling things out. I'll overhear things at the grocery store, whatever it is, where it'll be people are fucking mean to themselves. So mean to themselves, mostly mean to themselves. Way more. Like when I'm just walking around town, it's way more people being mean to themselves than saying anything mean about anyone else. It's way and and it's so subtle. You know, even even here's one, I'm just trying to survive, right? Or you you, you know, it's like it's like as if, as if I'm not totally abundant, right? Thank you of this remembering spiritual process and not being nice to self. I know that mean girl. Yes. Yes, we know. Yes. So no, that's why I go back to no matter what you found yourself doing, you know, uh, maybe you were laying on the couch shooting up heroin up until I got on today. Right? Uh notice what evaluates. See, notice what evaluates. You don't need to evaluate anything uh except for except for like in this moment, how do you feel? If you're gonna evaluate something, how do you feel in this moment? Not like what you've been doing and how much you got accomplished and stuff like that. What is it? What are what are you feeling? Right? How do you how do you like that? Some people ask me, like, am I really disciplined? Because I seem to do block therapy a lot. And right now I'm going to a spa type situation where I'm doing all this self-care. It's like four hours a day. And then I do block therapy on top of that, some yoga nidra on top of that, too. And people go, you're really uh disciplined. And you know, if you look at discipline, the root word is disciple. Okay. So you might say, Yeah, I'm a disciple of what's true. And when I'm when I'm experiencing, when I'm having these experiences, I'm noticing if I like it. And I'm noticing, ah, lots of that. And and yes to that, you know, and there's yes to that. So it just arises more and more. So, you know, I also find myself playing video games on my phone. And more recently, what I noticed, I go, I go, hmm, how does this, how is this really feeling in the body's energy field to play the video? I love video games apparently. Really nice mellow ones, like where you just like match some things. You don't have to do it in any amount of time. It's it's not like it's not like hitting the nervous system. You know, I asked AI about that too. Typing AI, I'm like, yeah, what is it about video games? And also, oh, I said spliffs too, spliffs and video games on my phone. Um, that, and it was funny, the response from AI, it's like, oh yeah, if people like you who are really deep thinkers, uh, seem to uh kind of relax more with these kinds of things. Like, like the it explained, okay, you're using the tobacco for alertness and the uh and the weed marijuana, the devil's weed. Um what is it for tuning in? That's it's a really good uh it's a really good uh symbol for me for tuning in. And then with the video games, it's like the mind doesn't have to be so deep for a few moments. It's just it's just matching things. Uh so I was like, okay. So I'm just noticing, and what I'm doing whenever I find myself doing anything, it doesn't matter what it is, even if it seems to be one of my habits, let's say one of my habits, um, I'm noticing how how it feels in the body's energy field. And I was noticing my hands. I was holding the phone, I was noticing my hands. I was like, oh, I really don't like having my hands like this a bunch. That doesn't seem right. Yeah, I want them to be open, I want them to be like this. Then I started playing my video games, like holding it flat and going like that. And then I started putting it down and I started going like that. And then after a little while, I was just like, I don't really want to play video games anymore. And who knows, I could go back to playing video games. But and then and then uh not taking it like I quit something, I got rid of that habit, or anything like that. It's just a matter of allowing myself to uh recognize how I feel, accept how I feel, and uh let things arise that feel better and better and better naturally. See? It's just like a self-care routine where let's say you um do some, do a routine in the morning and at night. I know my self-care routine is hilarious. It's a good, I don't know, I never timed it. I bet you it's like a half hour, 40 minutes where I'm just like rubbing myself, massaging myself, different things on, and different stuff like that. Morning, evening, um get in there about at least an hour before I'm going anywhere or need to be in bed or anything like that. And just like, huh? And it's like, how do you uh people have asked me, how do you be consistent on doing it? I enjoy it. What's going on is when people have routines, like they start going to the gym, let's say they go, okay, so first of the year, I have a resolution, I'm going to the gym four times a week. What they'll do is show up at the gym with all the shit that they've been doing on their mind, all the things they have to do, all the things they did do, all the things they didn't do, right? And they'll be powering through a routine without being in the experience, present to the experience. When you're present to the experience, you're really getting into the experience. And you know, that's something that was that was just coming more natural for me that I see uh ever since I was young and going to the gym, and I would go to the gym and I'd work out. People would ask me at that time too, how are you so consistent? And I'm like, man, I love it. I didn't really realize what presence was or anything like that. I'd just be like, I just love it. Are you kidding? I love it. And most people were going to the gym not loving it like that, loving the result. They're like, oh yeah, I love the results.

SPEAKER_02 52:03

You were in presence, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:05

When I was that at that age, I didn't even know that word. I didn't even know I never heard that word.

SPEAKER_03 52:10

So like what age, like 18, 19?

Gentle Fitness Over No Pain

Fear Based Medicine And Diagnosis

SPEAKER_01 52:13

Yeah, like all through my 20s and everything, uh even all through my 20s. Yeah. I mean, I I was raised a Christian missionary, so I was raised to be aware of God, right? But I didn't really realize what presence was, even though I was actually practicing it, because I learned to tune my mind into whatever muscle is being worked when I'm doing a uh that would be like meditation to me. I didn't even realize I was in basically meditation. I got to keep track of repetitions and also something's burning, and I need to feel it so I know how to make micro micro adjustments in it, right? So I was in meditation, not even realizing that I was, right? And that's why uh it was it was it was always consistent because I enjoyed it. I enjoyed that break from whatever I was doing in the world. And actually, if I didn't, in those days, if I didn't have my workout, you did not want to be around me because I was so self-shaming about not making it to the gym. Well, you the way we would the way we would perceive, because our minds were being used basically to attack our bodies, the way me and other people in my community of workout people at the time would perceive was that if we missed a day of working out, we would get bloated. And if we if we overate or anything, our bodies would respond very quickly with being bloated, out of shape, whatever. And you know, that in itself would feel very defeating. You know, it's like it's like, wow, I really have to keep up this energy of keep on working out, and that's why eventually that kind of lifestyle um just kind of like petered out. It just it just went away. And there's no more energy like that that wants to force any kind of workout to try to get anything like that. But the same kind of attraction to presence keeps on carrying forward throughout, even though the form of the exercise changes, what I see is the form of the exercise has actually evolved to be super gentle and releasing. Now, when you see me doing my, I think I do about nine minutes, maybe. I think it's nine different exercises, lymphatic exercises. I don't know. Some of you guys might not think it's like gentle to you. It might look really athletic. Um, but to me, that's like really, really gentle stuff. You know, there's no pushing anything heavy. Uh one of them is just like hopping in place for a minute, you know, just like hopping, you know, just getting things, getting things operational. It just feels really happy and uplifting, and then relaxing into stillness on a block. You know, that's going from, you know, at one point lifting really heavy weights with extreme pressure and tension, veins popping out, stuff like that. Everything can be gentler. Everything, everything that we uh anything that we want to attain as far as fitness or anything like that, the means can be gentler. The means don't have to be uh no pain, no gain kind of mindset. That is not true, no pain, no gain. That's an ego thing. Same goes for any kind of healing or treatment. So it came to my awareness recently, some of my friends um sharing with me about one of them about cancer, one of them about heart trouble, and some other things, you know, people share with me, one of them diabetes, you know. And it's one thing, okay, you do not have those conditions. That's not really possible for you to have those conditions, and also you don't have to, as far as treating the conditions, the treatment for the conditions, any treatment, it's all the same, it's all magic in a dream, whether it be a pharmaceutical drug, a surgery, uh a topical herb, anything like that. All of it is magic in a dream. It actually has no effects on its own. Here's the thing about these modalities, though. You actually are choosing the gentlest one you will allow for yourself right now. So let's say you saw a spot and you thought it might be cancer, and you went to the doctor. Okay. The first thing that the apparent choice to go to the doctor, that's the gentlest route available, basically available to you because it's all you can see that it that is possibly helpful, right? So that's what you do. That's what you do, right? Unless you unless you do see another option. That's a you see a spot, it looks funky, you go to the doctor. Look at the conditioning behind that. What would the doctor be for in the first place? The doctor is propped up, the doctor is like your mind is using the doctor as a device to tell you that your body is being harmed. You know, you don't need the doctor to tell you that. You can see it. A spot seems to be going on there. Now, do you want to do you want to uh adopt his concepts? Look where his concepts come from. He went to medical school, he learned how to burn, cut, and poison. He or she. Okay. They learn how to burn, cut, and poison. That's what they learned how to do in there. So that's what solution they're gonna have for you. Right? First, they're gonna diagnose it and give it a name to make it seem more real, right? And then they're gonna, okay, so I have had a couple different times. One time it was right on my nose, right on the tip of my nose, something that looked cancerous, right? It was doing the cancer dance. It was doing the cancer thing. It would seem to get a little bit better, then get a little bit worse, look like it was kind of eating the skin. Last thing, last option that was coming to my mind was to go get a doctor to go look at that fucker, right? Here, look at this, right? Oh, let me just cut a little bit out of your nose and go do a biopsy on that thing, right? It's like, no thanks, bro. Right? So every time the thought occurred to me that holy shit, that thing, what is going on? You know what I mean? That kind of thing. What is going on? I'd be like, okay, get released from that. The body isn't real, time is an illusion. Solution, whatever solution needs to come is coming. A good solution is coming. So I'm over at the farmer's market, and someone just mentions to me, oh my goodness, I cannot believe how good this oil is at getting rid of cancer. I'm like, really? Yeah, and you know where to get some of that stuff. Next thing you know, I got this little tube of oil, right? And I'm taking the tiniest little amount, putting it on my nose. I don't know how much longer it was. There's not even like a little hole from where it was looking like the skin was getting eaten.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:14

An essential oil?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:16

No, it was it's ganja oil. It's a it's a real thick, sticky kind. It almost makes like a little band-aid over whatever you put it on. Yeah. So the reason I tell that story is that when we open our perception to any any problem, you know, any problem that we perceive, let's say it's cancer, let's say it's diabetes, let's say it's say it's anything else, it's already been solved. We actually just want to see the solution that lets us believe that it's been solved because this is a projection based on belief, right? So you're gonna get to the solution through time in the illusion. You're gonna get to some solution, it may or may not work, it may take lifetimes, it could be the gentlest. It always is. Let's say it's always always is based on what you think this is. If you think this body is real and needs protection, you're more likely to go to a doctor because you're operating based on fear. That's a fearful thought to believe that this body needs any kind of protection from the world. It needs protection from your mind, it needs protection from your uh your following ego thoughts. That's what it needs protection from. It doesn't need protection from anything in the world. Nothing in the world is making you have diabetes, for instance. So, you know, if you're if you're studying a course in miracles and you're saying, I love a course in miracles, it's so much fun. Um, and I love that bodies don't mean anything. And you know, um, no, I don't I don't need to have any sex because there isn't any body. And then you're like, but this diabetes is real. It's like uh it's like, well, you know, here's the thing: you actually might enjoy having sex once you see that you've made up the diabetes and you don't actually have that. And really, it's it's like this. Look, you're training. Look at it like this you're training your mind. So the thought occurs to you that you have diabetes and you recognize that you're producing that that whole manifestation right now. You're producing it right now. I'm producing this right now, as if I have diabetes. Uh, you're driving over to get some medicine for drive for diabetes, right? As you're driving over, watching your mind. Your mind is constantly projecting that you have diabetes in order to keep on seeing it. It's constantly saying it over and over again, giving you opportunity over and over again, just to see, give just to give a little nod to God to see that I'm making it up. It's impossible for anyone to have diabetes. It's like, and it's like when you tell someone else too, this is real, this diabetes is real, what really that is an attempt to attack them. Right? It's even even telling someone the underlying thought is you did this to me. Fuck you. And that's that's the way the mind sees it in secret.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:09

It's like this is what you've done to me. Diabetes, what even is that?

SPEAKER_01 1:05:25

Is that so funny? Like, how do you diagnose it? I'm I'm guessing it has to do with sugar, high sugar. I'm guessing they like take a test, and if it goes over a certain number, you have diabetes. Look at what that even means. It doesn't mean a thing. Someone decided that you get to a certain number and then you have this, right? You can cancel that shit out. Look at this. I haven't been to the doctor in a super long time, but I used to work for a doctor, okay? And It was really interesting to this doctor to check blood. We had a lab right in the back, and I was a phlebotomist. I would take people's blood and go test it back in the lab. And one day we said, Let's test my blood. Yeah, let's do it. That sounds fun. We test my blood. My cholesterol level is about double what the patients are that he's putting on cholesterol drugs. My cholesterol level. It baffled the shit out of him because here I am. He's looking at me, and I'm a healthy looking person. 18 years old, right? And I happen to eat low fat because low fat was all the fad at that time. I probably barely broke 10 grams of fat in a day. Uh, not heavy or anything like that. And my cholesterol level is it's it's usually around. I haven't had it tested. Like I said, I don't don't even look at it, but it's usually around 500 if you guys know numbers for cholesterol. Okay. That's like really queer is mine number 300.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:06

And they were like, oh, yep, you gotta start taking this drug. Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:09

I was like, yeah, yeah. Natalie's saying they tell you to take the they take to take this drug, right? It's it's basically since your level went to this, you need this poison. I was gonna help you. So and and it's as if you want to get the level down. That's the other thing. See, that's what baffled this doctor's mind because he's looking at me and he's going, What the heck am I doing? I'm I'm making people artificially bring their cholesterol level down, and yours is double. You know, and my thought, I'm naive, right? I'm 18 years old at the time. And I go, Oh, do I just get on cholesterol medication? You know, I I work in the medical field. I'm just like, oh, I'm ready to take whatever you say, like it's candy, you know. He's like, no, I am not putting you like he knew a little bit more than me that they're actually poison. He's like, I feel fine with my conscience doing that to old people, but you're only 18. That's basically what he was saying. No one actually needs this, but you know, it's a good way for me to make money. That's and it was it was funny because that what I saw too is this doctor was mentally unstable. And now I see what was making him mentally unstable. Basically, he was selling out his conscience, you know. He was he was going, okay, here's what I do. I get a lab, I make it like we like the blood tells us everything. We're gonna test their blood. And then anyone whose blood you test, basically something's gonna be out of the normal range. And then we'll have something to prescribe to them, and the and the drug reps come in and visit us all the time. And oh, those chicks are sexy, and they always want to date and they wanna and they give me all kinds of free drugs. And in addition to the the statin drugs, they would give the doctor some heavy-duty drugs, and he would just always be on some drugs that would like be making him high, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:18

Those chicks are making fake too, those pharmaceutical reps.

Finding A Gentler Healing Way

SPEAKER_01 1:09:21

The pharmaceutical reps, yeah. They're they're they're making a digits. Yeah, so this is a this is the kind of energy that people are voluntarily, voluntarily putting themselves into um as if this is gonna come to a cure. And you know, the friends that talk about how they have these things, the only reason they have this knowledge, and this is false knowledge that they have these things, because they don't, the only reason they have these false knowledge is that they took it to someone who can reflect to them that they have these things in the first place. So their mind being all powerful, and maybe you're going through something like this too. Your mind being all powerful is I am propping this up, I'm making this real, I'm engaging these kinds of services out of fear and be being aware that you're doing that. Because if I wasn't afraid, I wouldn't go get part of my face cut off. The simple, simply, if I wasn't afraid, I mean, maybe that's not true for you. Maybe the opposite is true. Maybe, maybe it's if I wasn't afraid, I would go get part of my face cut off. I don't know, it's a personal thing. It's not a right or wrong, it really isn't. Right? Noticing what you're doing out of fear. Uh, because you know, the le the less afraid you are, the less you're going to go running to conventional means. And what I notice too is the ones who run to conventional means consistently over time, over years and years doing all the things, um, it's like the automatic result is something like cancer, right? It's basically saying, I have given all my authority outside of myself. I've given my authority to someone else and I've been obeying that. So even if I do get cancer, I'm gonna be without shame because at least I followed the protocol, right? And you know, that's really the fearful narrative that's underlying all these apparent decisions to engage in a system that does not care about you. I'm not taught, I'm not saying doctors don't care about you. There are doctors, the doctor I worked for that I just told you about, he I saw that also that he cared about the fucking patients. It's just that where there's a there's there's also this profit thing involved and having debt and all this other stuff. It's like even though he cared about the patients, it didn't mean that he wouldn't prescribe something to them that he knew was just poison. You know, the reasoning that he gave is that they're old anyways, they're passing away anyways. What's a little poison, you know. These the a lot of these doctors know it. A lot of them know. And I'm not saying that cancels out their caring, they do care. He didn't put me on any of those drugs, I would have taken them right away at that age. I I believed in the system that I was I was trained to be a back office medical assistant, and I believed in the system that I was trained to be in. Okay, but the system itself, the system is based on fear and greed, and it does not have the patient's best interest in mind. So what would you know of what would reasonably have anyone going to them to diagnose things? I mean, it's one thing if you broke your leg and you need a cast, that's awesome. They're good at that shit. They need to sew something back together. Some of them are really good at reconstructing something, you know. But if you're talking about, uh, can you check the levels of my blood and do all these different things and then tell me what's wrong with me because I feel a little off. Here, let's make you more off and dependent on this thing for the rest of your life, right? So, what I encourage my friends to do is not take this as any kind of condemnation of you or your choices or anything like that, but just notice. Let's say you've got an appointment and you're going over and you're gonna get something cut or burned or poisoned right now, you know? And you notice that this choice is coming out of choosing fear. Notice, just checking your body's energy field. If I wasn't afraid, would I be going for this? Would I be doing anything like this? Right. Is you can even open up to, is there a gentler way? Really? I mean, because it's it's like the universe, is that a good way to say it? It supports you. When you open up to, is there a gentler way? Is there a gentler way to go about this? Right? Do I have to do something like that? Is there a gentler way? The peer pressure is also something to see through because we have propped people up, many of us, propped people up who are also fearful for our well-being. And they're telling us that we better go to the doctor and do everything the doctor says for them. For them. That's why, you know, I was saying, I think it was last week or a different week, I don't know. That's why I was saying, fuck you guys, and thank you for caring, because that's how people care. You know, they say, you better do it this way, because this is the way I would feel comfortable, right? And if you notice, wow, I am really deferring to what other people tell me what tell me to do because these are the people that seem to be around me, these are the people that seem to love me, and I don't want to be responsible for this decision. So I'm gonna do what they tell me to do. Just watch. Notice yourself, accept yourself doing that. Would this and ask yourself, would this be my decision if I didn't have these people telling me and recognizing that you actually propped up those people around you to be fearful? And look, it's never too late to just go looking around and go, uh, you know, even just looking online, you know, you know, if you if you are getting like, let's say, diabetes treatment or you're getting cancer cut out, or you're getting heart surgery and stuff like that, go look online, opening up to alternatives to dot, dot, dot. Right? And you can even start using the alternative in conjunction with the one you know until you have the faith. See, the thing is, I wouldn't tell anyone, just stop doing all that stuff and do the natural stuff because they don't have the faith for it yet. If you don't have the faith for it, you're tempting the ego. So you want to have the faith for it first. So you just gently start to look into it. Look into what is an alternative to if I see it, like if I see a spot on my skin, like you can ask me and I'll I'll I'll tell you. I mean, you get this this oil. I I went down to one of the shops in Bellingham and I asked them, I just described it to them. It's a sticky black resin. And they're like, oh yeah, we know what that stuff is. And I was like, Yeah, that's the stuff. Yeah. So what I so what I did is I was like, I was like, I'm gonna fuck around with this this stuff. And I had um one of those little moles, I forgot what it's called, but like it's a little red. It comes up red at first. Um, some people get these kinds of moles where they're red and they're like they feel a little bit tender. And so I started putting it on that, and then two days later it wasn't tender. I was like, hmm, what fun. Yeah. Uh and and just like putting it, putting it on, it smells great, you know. Uh, you can even lick your finger afterwards and get a little bit high. It's full THC. Yeah, they're telling you at the shop, they're telling you be careful with it because it's like super concentrated. Yeah. Uh, but you know, you see the difference in taking care, even in taking care of this form, it's like the easiest, most pleasant ways are available to you. You don't need to go through pain to heal. There's no need to go through pain to heal. Not not to say the pain is bad. You know, that's a lot of the times people say, am I doing it wrong if I perceive pain? No, it's just giving you a stronger signal. It's a stronger signal. Like me falling off a cliff, that's a really strong signal, right? It's like, wake up. The signal wasn't strong enough with the ribs. Feeling like they're poking organs. Apparently, they do poke organs. Apparently, that does happen.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:57

Um your quest for releasing fascia seeing how valuable that is. Um in fashion, we were taught a different way to release fascia. Uh-huh. So it's it's like uh pulling up and like a rolling, pull up and then roll. Uh-huh.

Dating With Boundaries And Honesty

SPEAKER_01 1:20:18

Like experimented with that or like rofing where you pull the fascia. Yeah, I've had I've I've had massages like that before, like laying around you intuitively. Oh, yeah. She's asking, do I intuitively like grab the fascia like that? Yeah, I love that. I love the way that feels. It's it's wonderful. Are you? Okay, yeah. Once you get tuned in to how it is, it's like it's like there's this net, you guys. It's like there's this net. Uh, it's called fascia. It gets hard over time in response to stress and stuff like that. Um, remember, it's symbolic. So what's getting hard is our thought patterns are getting concretized, and the body is reflecting that. So what we're doing when we're going into, and it reflects it is pain too. Many times hidden pain. You don't really get to the pain until you get through a layer or two. Um, and then you start to notice, oh, there's pain, right? And this reflection is showing us our fearful thoughts are making a painful world. The body is the first manifestation of our thinking. So again, it's nothing to be like, oh, I shouldn't have hardness there, I shouldn't have pain there or anything like that. I always just see the pain as a blessing. And each day when I go into the pain, I'm happy to meet it and happy to be released. I get a lot of awe. It's like so good. Yeah, I would have I would recommend some kind of fascia release for anyone so you can see how this structure of a body is being projected. It's really not even here. It's actually just projected and it's projected out of these thought patterns that are swirling around. It's kind of like it's almost like there's these this swirling and this hardness that takes place. So then the swirling gets jammed up, and then it's like when you do block therapy or some kind of release, it's like the traffic jam clears up and things start moving again, and then you're more aware because you're holding less fear in your psyche. You know, when you're when you're willing to release like that, it all comes down to mindset, not what you're doing. A lot of the times people are doing block therapy, not recognizing that this is coming from the mind, it's actually fear. So people get really frustrated. I've seen people throw the blocks, you know, they get really flat. It's taking so long, and there's so much pain, and it's taking so long, you know. I I get that, and I see, yeah. It's it also took a really long time to be this fearful, become this fearful. That's what that's what you can do over time. You can wind up, become more fearful, and you can unwind, become less fearful. That's what you can do over time. You can't really do anything else. When you see, it's all for that. It's all for either winding it up, more fearful, or releasing. The way it manifests in the body's energy field is a tense, brittle, sick body. That's how fear manifests in the body's energy field, and it in the in the projection. And the more released you are of the tension, the more fluid, right? Things are just more fluid, they're easy, they're able to flow easier, ideas can manifest easier, and this is all ideas, even the shape of your body. See, as some of you guys know, I've been dating lately. I finally got off of Facebook dating. I was on that for probably about a month, and I just have enough action right now, like enough people are talking to me at the moment. So um, you know, it's uh really interesting and sweet just to see all of these are all of these manifestations are mirrors, right? And just to see what would be acceptable to me. It's not bringing in concepts to say what is stable, what is this, what is this, what is this acceptable to me? And one of the sweet friends uh asked me, he goes, Did did he forget about me? And I go, No, I didn't forget about you. And he said, Well, why don't you call me? And and I go, Well, you know, I was on Facebook dating and I was just getting so many people contact me that I was just responding to the people that were contacting me. And he goes, Oh, well, I called you a couple times and you didn't get back. And I go, Oh, okay, well, yeah, I guess I was just paying attention to the people who were paying more attention to me at that time. And he goes, Oh, you want attention? And I go, Well, that's the kind of yeah, yeah. Uh, that's that I like that. I like attention, and the ones that are giving me the most attention, those are the ones that I tend to respond to, even if they have to pay attention to me over time. I didn't respond in a couple days, and they keep on and keep on and keep on. They're persistent, they give me a lot of attention. And he goes, Oh, okay, I can do that. And I'm like, Oh, all right. So it's like I'm having lots of attention because I, you know, I say, and I I'm like, no, I don't, I don't feel like, you know, instigating or what is it called? Initiating, not instigating. I don't feel like initiating. That doesn't feel good to me. Um, and just seeing what it's what feels good, just noticing what feels good. Yeah, I like that. No, I don't like that, not being concerned if you know the person is gonna go, that's too much. I don't want to deal with someone like that, or go, you're you're clingy, or you're this, or you're that. I told one guy the other day, I said, you're my favorite. And you know, I said it from the heart because I was it was like someone I've been I'm talking to uh uh from time to time every couple days or something like that. He's booked me a ticket to go be with him in uh Mississippi next next month and took in care take care of everything. And at one point he's he mentioned something about us sleeping together. And I said, I'm not sleeping in the same room as you. He's like, What? I go, no, you have to have my a hotel room for me. And he Goes, oh, I didn't know that. And I go, Yeah, you I told you, I I know Natalie's going like this. I go, Yeah, I told you that that sex, yeah. I told you that sex is not guaranteed, and and I need to have my own room. And he's like, Oh, well, then are you sure you want me to book your own room? And I go, Yeah, I'm totally sure. And he goes, How many of the nights? I go, all of them. Right? So he goes, Oh, okay, I will book, I'll do it. And I go, thank you. And he goes, My pleasure. Yeah, I'm not coming unless I have my own room. For one thing, I'm just like, even if I'm super attracted to you and I'm like, oh, fuck yeah, I just want to sleep in this guy's arms. I want to be with him. I at least want to take have my own bathroom where I can go and take a shit in that case. Christine asked, when I'm coming back to Hawaii. That should be around May 15th, Christine. Should be about around May 15th. Um, so yeah, it's it was sweet because I was like, I was like, you're my favorite. And and he was like, he was like, why? Why? And I go, why not? Why not? It's so funny. I I go, are you really? You uh what do you what do you think that he goes, he's like I he I think he said he feels handsome most of the time. You know, I always tell him, you're so handsome. And he's like, what? And I'm like, yeah, like that's the way you look is handsome to me. It's it's awesome. I like it. So, anyways, I told him that. And then the next thing you know, I'm talking to someone else that uh that hasn't talked to me in a little while, the one that the one that I told, yeah, I like more attention. The ones that the ones that ones that pay the most attention to me, usually those are the ones that I'm talking to. So if you want to, you got to show interest and pay attention and be attentive. And you know, it's like a guy might ask that, like, and it might seem like, are are you really gonna ask for that? Like he said, are you telling me you want attention? I'm like, well, yes, yes, I am. I want attention, I want my own room. What else? Right? I want some uh I want some uh really nice, juicy, connected sex, right? Just saying what it is that you seem to, you can even say seem to want doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's just it's it's through this relating where we come into accepting the self-aform that we made more and more and more and more. And who knows, that guy that I'm going to see that I plan to go see next month, he could change his mind and just get refunds on all that stuff too, right? That's fine with me. Nothing needs to manifest. It's all it's all really for the play. So I'm talking to this guy, he's really cute, and then he and he's really, you know, he's connecting with me deeply too. I'm like, wow, this is really sweet. It's almost like we just enter meditation together right there on video chat, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:31:37

And then he asked me, in the state or somewhere else.

Cruelty Projections And Self Abandonment

SPEAKER_01 1:31:41

He's only like an hour away, he's in Canada. And so he goes, Do you know how old I am? And I go, hmm. And he goes, guess how old I am? And I go, look like maybe around 30. He goes, No, I'm not 30. And I'm like, okay. Apparently the guy is 23. I'm like, I'm like, what in the world? And you know, of course, when I just even have that reaction in my awareness, I'm noticing the age thing. There is no age really that this doesn't mean I'm trying to go for kids or anything like that. Like if they're under 18 or something like that. Uh, nothing that it doesn't mean that. It's just noticing how uh this man, the 23 years old, is like, hey, I'm interested in you. Oh, you want attention? Okay. Uh oh, I told him I'm talking to three guys right now. You're one of them. I just told someone earlier he's my favorite. And he goes, Well, I want to be your favorite. He's like, I am, and then he's like, I am gonna be your favorite. And you know, I'm I'm going, okay. One of the things, one of the things is me being apparently 53, I don't want to be catching any wind of you projecting that I'm somehow going downhill from here. Because I'm not trying to partner up with people that are thinking in that kind of way. Okay, because we're projecting the body right now. It's kind of like what you're talking about with Aaron. I'm saying, like right off the bat, I'm not even interested. If you start giving me some kind of vibe, like you think I'm old or I'm going on a decline, I'm somehow declining because of whatever. I'm not even attracted to that. Okay. So so I talked to him about that. He goes, he goes, no, he goes, I had a conversation with you some months ago, and I'm telling you, there's not girls like you. There's not girls with a mind like yours. He's like, I want to connect. Yeah, he's like, I want, I want to connect with you. I do not care what apparent age, and I'll do whatever you say to do. So, anyways, lots of really fun, sweet, fun options are being presented right now, and and the guidance that I'm seeing is okay, you're gonna get favorites and they're gonna change. And just being completely honest with these dudes, too. It's like, okay, this is how it is right now. Um, and things change. Uh you I might not even be going to Mississippi. I don't know. I might not even be going there. But whatever it is, wherever I find myself, it's always the same. It doesn't matter to me. Right? I had a fun conversation with a friend, too, that was reaching out to me and uh sounded really upset and the on a voice memo. And I go, hey, I would love to talk to you. And then uh and then they go, Oh, well, yeah, we could talk. I'm not I'm not feeling like that anymore. I'm over all that stuff, but we could talk and have fun. And I go, okay, great. And then uh 10 days later or so, they come back and go, it's not that I'm choosing not to call you and come up with some story or something like that. And I go, whether anyone calls is not important. It doesn't matter. Right? That's really that's part of gaming. That's how that's the ego game. You know, it's like reaching out, like I'm not really choosing not to call. No shit, you can't make any choices on the surface. And you know, it's just it's a and it's a matter of recognizing this, not to make anyone wrong, not to make anyone bad, not to prevent anyone from reaching out. It's just to recognize, oh, there's an ego game underlying right there. It's as if, right? It's like it it's not, it's not important. Yes, we we both said, oh yeah, that sounds great. Let's have a call. And then a call doesn't need to happen. You know, sometimes people say, Oh yeah, that great. I mean, a couple weeks ago, I don't know how many weeks ago it was now, one of my friends said, I'm coming over there, babe. I'm taking you out, I'm taking you to Seattle, I'm gonna be there on some Friday. I forgot which one it was, and we're gonna fucking party in Seattle. Never heard from her. Natalie asked me about it. Did you go on? I was like, shit, I forgot all about that. It's not like it needs to manifest, you know, it's just because we talked about it. That's another thing. It's like, it's all just right in the moment. It's like there's that spark of fun that said, Oh, yeah, let's do this. That's fine. The next door neighbor over here. Yeah, I'm gonna be taking you out dancing. Not a one time have we gone out dancing. He did come over here and get a mouse out of my house and is available anytime I need anything. Um, but there was no going out dancing, it was just that in the moment. It was like, oh, yeah, that sounds great. That's it. That's that's good enough. Right? It's like the ego making stories about now, since this didn't manifest, then something's wrong, something needs to be explained. In this case, person thought that something needed to be explained to me, you know, like I might be going sitting over here going, why you no call? No, instead, I have like uh lots of calls coming in. No, it I'm keeping it pretty mellow. There's really only three. There's really only three. That's why I saw I I shut down uh Facebook dating so I'm not getting any more because three is enough. Three is a lot, yeah, yeah. And and they're three out of probably hundreds that contacted me, and they're you know, they they they came out just the sweetest. They're just the sweetest, and they're willing, and they're uh they're listening, and they uh they are grateful. That's the other thing. All three of them reflect gratitude. They're so fucking glad that they're talking to me. Even when I told one of them, I just told other guy, he's my favorite. And he's like, I want to be your favorite. And that's the kind of that that's the kind of uh, I guess like kind of like an incentive or a drive that I like. And there's nothing, and and of course there's nothing wrong with it. There's nothing to resist about it, there's nothing to change about it, there's nothing to say I should be different. It's really good to recognize that because people will pop up and give you something different, and there will be that moment where do I want to uh cross, basically cross my own boundaries, like basically override what it is that feels good to me so that I could connect with this person. And as you roll it around over and over again, that's why relationship is the best. You see more and more, and you come to the point where you're like, it's not worth it. Cause it's like whoever is in front of me, if they're if if they're in alignment with the things that I like and the things that I like to do, and I say what it is, then it's gonna be like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. If not, it's gonna be like, oh, good, I'm glad to know early. I'm glad to know about it early. Right? Sometimes we get in such a hurry to try to hook someone, and this is, you know, it's innocent again, ignorance, innocence, in a hurry trying to hook someone that we would just blow past our own values and and uh and boundaries and just not keep it to know. And this is something that I've been practicing just by going through dating. It's really great because I haven't had a lot of practice in this kind of arena, practicing forgiveness and also recognizing what it is that I like. There's gonna be uh probably more of that kind of stuff relating sexually as well. And there's no substitute, there's no substitute for relationships. There really is no substitute for that. You know, you can try to hide away from it. I know a lot of people try to do that, especially spiritual people. You know what? I kind of get the sense that man, I'm done with those kind of spiritual people that think that they have to get somewhere, like as far as romantic relating anywhere, anyways, that feel like they have to get somewhere that they're not right now. Okay, and believe in that. They believe that they have to get somewhere that they're not right now. That is not suitable for me as like an a romantic partner, because they're always gonna feel like they're less than. It's like some of these people with way less spiritual experience can feel like they're already enough. It seems like people who have a lot more spiritual experience, sometimes some of them are more toward the mindset of I have to get somewhere, and this thing or that thing or this thing or that thing is preventing me. Something in the world is preventing me from getting where I want to go. Everything is actually helping you to see there's nowhere to go, and the more you're willing to enjoy it, the more there will be enjoyment. And the more you uh you uh actually wish enjoyment, like one thing that I noticed, like if it seems like someone slighted me or they were mean to me or something like that, which I had a lot of that perception more recently, um, going through a relationship with someone in Hawaii, had a lot of perception of someone, you know, being mean to me, kind of like stepping on my heart, kind of vibes like that. You know, when we have perceptions like that, it's important to recognize that this is a gift, it's a total gift. That doesn't mean we make it into something that it's not what is is. And you know, one thing I pointed out was just straight up cruelty. I I was like, ah, this is what it is. Not that it's good or bad, it just is. And also, thank you for the presentation of it. Thank you for the presentation. Remember, every perception is helpful, and when you'll see it that way, you can see how it is helpful, but you cannot see a perception as helpful when you're trying to avoid things. And one thing, people like to avoid things that they have deemed as negative, so it's like there's this cover-up. Well, I don't want to see cruelty. If I see cruelty, then I must have projected it. That's fine. You still need to see it to deny meaning to it, right? You still need to see that that is cruelty, and one way of denying meaning to it, where in the process of denying mean to meaning to it, you see where you agreed to it. You agreed to meaninglessness, so you stop agreeing to it. You cannot get cruelty without agreeing to it. It's like this is broadcast to you, but you agree to the cruelty in the first place, and that's an agreement where you abandon yourself. What I notice that I tend to do is abandon myself and think that this person is everything I want. You know, and one thought gets away like that, and it just keeps on trying to grow. And that's what it does. That's what a thought does. You let a thought get away, it's believed automatically. That's what I mean by get away, get away without you seeing that it's a meaningless thought. See, I couldn't even see the thought that was saying, I gotta do whatever I can to keep this relationship intact. I didn't see the thought, but like in hindsight, I could recognize, oh yeah, I saw that come up. It's like you can slow it down later and see, oh, okay. It's like, oh, you know, and you don't want to know about it, but then once you see it, it's like, I don't want to keep what I don't want to keep that. What what what about that? What I want to keep intact.

SPEAKER_03 1:45:58

Is there like a similar difference between like any decision that we made that is against ourselves? It's like symbolic of like way back when the original decision to go against ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 1:46:14

Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:46:15

It's an extrapolation. Yes, exactly. These little, these little syn not little, but yeah, these worldly scenarios do they also there's an underlying duress.

Existing For And With Each Other

Closing Thoughts And How To Connect

SPEAKER_01 1:46:30

Yes, it's an extrapolation of that same thought of separation. So the duress is uh is giving me a body reaction that's telling me that if I lose this person, it's gonna be, it's gonna suck. Like it's gonna, and you know, it's like it's not reasonable, it's not logical, and it's not, it's not the thought itself is not fully witnessed, is what's happening. It's playing out in like a split second, and it's not fully witnessed, but it's automatically believed, right? So I'm I'm noticing, you know, at the time I was also noticing because I I saw thoughts repeatedly come out, launch out. So I was definitely present to things. I need you toward him. And I was just like, whoa, that is not spirit speaking. Spirit does not speak like that, that is ego. So I was also aware and also uh basically hiding it from myself. And you know what? I look at it like this too. I was intentionally hiding it from myself so I could go through it. I wouldn't be able to go through it if I wasn't hiding it from myself. And it was so that I can go through it, knowing that I can do this. It's not real pain to me, even as I'm going through it and I'm feeling emotionally uh tumultuous and stuff like that. I know what all that pain is for. And it's and pain isn't the same to me. Pain is more like excitement to me. It's like it's not the same like it is for regular ass people. Okay. So it's like I was even as I was going through it, I could see I'm tricking myself on purpose. I wrote something about that during it too. Like I'm really tricking myself on purpose because I really can't get the flavor of this. What are people going through? People have been coming to me for years and, you know, telling me, I'm like, why don't you just dump them and stuff like that? And so me going through it myself, I can really see how strong these emotional ties are and actually look at these relationships. One, look at these relationships with a lot more compassion, having had the experience myself. But beyond that, collapsing these patterns as well. Because as we're seeing things, like I started out in the beginning about people in the community seeing this forgiveness, it's framed as forgiveness, but it doesn't feel like forgiveness. That is not that is not forgiveness, right? It's actually more like a structure, it's like a frame for uh more harm to unfold, right? Uh again, nothing real can be harmed, but it's very real to the person who seems to have been traumatized over a situation and hasn't gone through the forgiveness process yet, you know, and it's like we exist in time. We this was from two ACIM meetings of meetings ago. It's relevant here. We exist in time for and with each other, is what Jesus says. We exist, uh, we we also exist in timelessness. He's Says that belongs to God alone. And in time, we exist for and with each other. So when we get the perception someone is suffering over their own illusions, and what else could they possibly be suffering over but their own illusions? It's not up to us to correct their thinking. It's up to us to demonstrate love and extend love to them. Okay. So that doesn't mean we hurry them along their path to hurry up and forgive so that everyone else can be more comfortable. We forgive the illusion that they're not ready to forgive because forgiveness is already done. And that's actually just popping up in our own perception. There's not really anyone out there that is unforgiving. It is a it's a reflection of one mind and it's showing us where forgiveness can be extended now, coming from ourselves, not coming from correcting another person. See I was telling one of my friends, no one needs you. There's this self-importance, right? And that's the reason everyone, not everyone, but everyone who seems to be here right now, uh, has chosen to come here. And that's free will choice, right? And the way they get, you could say, quote unquote, tricked into coming here. Um, it's a trick of our own imagination, is we're led, we're led to believe that we are important here. People need us. Okay. So I shared with a friend, you are not important. And that should be a relief. And it was, it was a huge relief for her. She was like, Thank you for that, because I felt so important, right? And it's like when you get into what I'm calling the death realm, that's the realm after you you release the physical form, but you're still imagining, there's immense pressure to take on self-importance and believe that you need to come over here because shit is happening that you can help with, right? Not true. It's not true. You don't, you're you're not needed here, okay? Unless you're manifesting in a world right now, you it will if you are manifesting, and if you're hearing this, you are manifesting a world right now. So since you are manifesting a world, you made the choice to take on self-importance. So through manifesting the world, you can also make the choice to be released of self-importance. Basically, no one needs you here. That is the truth. No one needs you here. You can go all the way back to just being with God, being in the reality that you know that doesn't include things that you don't like. Okay. So that's a moment-to-moment thing. We're all holding on to be able to perceive this world, whether we know we're doing it consciously, right? To help out, let's say, uh, or unconsciously, we're not needed. We're not needed in this world. Um, you need do nothing. And another one is don't be a hurry in a hurry about anything except to come back to the truth. That's the only thing that you ever need to be in a hurry about. Any thought that says that you should have done more, you should have done less, you should be more, you should be less, or anything like that about another person is only asking you to come back into the knowing that there's nothing here. And the image that you made is really only for undoing a guilty consciousness. It's not for achieving a thing in this imaginary world. Now, the ego mind will automatically drive the sense that things need to be done. As you're released from the ego mind, the spirit takes over with the drive to do anything, and you're doing everything from a sense of peace and happiness. All doing, all imaginary doing is blessed with peace and happiness because that's what's behind it. And you're the first one to receive the benefits of those blessings that you're extending. And you go through your days in whatever it seems like you you are doing. Like I said, maybe you're laying on the couch, scratching your balls and doing heroin at the same time, and you're still able to see that nothing is happening here. You're doing it. That's all there is to it. It's really basic, just your willingness. So, hooray, everyone. Thank you so much for joining me again. Happy Sunday. I'll be back on Wednesday with another A Course in Miracles deep dive. So excited to share those with you. It's such a joy to go into this text in this way. Also, you can visit my website. I have my book, Unschooling for Parents. I started playing around with my other book, The Big Book of Hope. And what I did was I uploaded all the book. It's like over 400 pages that I wrote before there was AI. I wrote, rewrote, worked on it for about four years, and I uploaded it all into AI. And the first thing AI said, I said, how would you help me with this book? And AI said, I would love to organize this book into categories. And I said, Go ahead. So now I'm going through it again. It seems like it's going to be pretty fast this time. And it looks like there's more solutions for publishing something now that'll just make it a lot more simple to get that to publish. So I'm playing around with that and having a great time. And apparently I'm not playing video games in the moment. So maybe I'll um find myself doing more of the book. But you know, what I'm saying is it really doesn't matter. It's a matter of what is inspiring in the moment, right? So if video games win, they win for inspiration in the moment. Who am I to question this? I mean, it's all a it's all a gift, it's all a blessing. So also I I do this by donation only. Um, I pay for a lot of different platforms. I'm not gonna list them all right now, but I pay for different platforms for this to go out, um, getting the message out there. And uh and I do it by donation. So you can go to my website if you feel to donate. You can donate one time or you can set up a monthly donation, whatever you like, hopejohnson.org. You can also book one-to-one with me. You can reach out to me on my chat. Uh, the chat at hopejohnson.org goes directly to my phone. So I'll be able to pick it up right away. And uh, well, right away when I see it and have inspiration for it. But I'll see it right away, anyways, when it pops up and I'm looking at my phone. So it's easy to connect with me that way, anything you want. Also, I take donations in the form of technical support. In case you want to help me with distributing any clips or anything like that, just reach out to me. You can also send me an email, hope at hopejohnson.org. Yay, I love you so much. I'll be back Wednesday and next Sunday, and I'm just on the schedule. I love you guys. Thank you so much. Until next time. Mahalo, aloha, and a hooe-hoo.

SPEAKER_00 1:58:20

Yay. Yay,