Beyond Manipulation & Bypassing | June 15, 2026 | Wisdom Dialogues @ Kehena Beach, HI

What if the biggest source of stress isn’t the weather, your partner, or the latest text that hit your nervous system like a freight train, but the meaning your mind assigns to it? From the shores of Hawaii, I walk through a grounded A Course in Miracles approach to forgiveness that does not ask you to deny your perception. It asks you to stop making perception into the cause of your suffering, so you can keep the practical wisdom and drop the inner war.

We get into spiritual bypassing and the sneaky ways it shows up as “I should love this” while you override your body, your clarity, and your boundaries. I talk about manipulation in relationships, how blame hides the real pattern, and why “love requires sacrifice” is one of the most costly beliefs we carry. You’ll hear why explaining yourself can be a form of buying into accusation, how honest boundaries can be the most loving move, and how a pattern collapses when you stop participating in the game.

Along the way, I share lived stories about crying and the ego, parenting without control through unschooling, and what compassion looks like when you can say no firmly without making anyone guilty. We end with a listener question about an adult child who stops talking and the surprising peace that can arise when you stop chasing a story. If this resonates, subscribe, share it with someone stuck in a painful loop, and leave a review so more people can find the path from projection to peace.

Transcript

Welcome And The No-Problem Question

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Aloha and welcome to Wisdom Dialogues with Hope Johnson coming to you from Kehenna Beach Estates on the beautiful big island of Hawaii. Today we're streaming to Zoom and Facebook and Substack. Feel free to ask me any questions on any of those channels. I'll be checking to see if you guys are making any comments. I love you very much. Thank you for joining. Yay. So what if there's just no problem with anything? Like you, you know, there's a there's a perception happening here, and the world is based on misperception, actually. The whole world is based on misperception. There's a perception happening here, and you're not being asked to deny your perception, you're being asked to deny reality to the world you perceive. Okay, that's different. So

Perception Vs Denying Reality

SPEAKER_00 1:10

it's like it's an unworthy form of denial when you're denying your perception. Like let's say today it's a sunny hot day, right? That's the perception. Today it's a sunny hot day. So we're not gonna be dressing in snow clothes, right? Because it's too hot, apparently. Right. So when we just pretend like the world isn't showing us what it's showing us, the perception that it's showing us, we end up treating it like it's uh like it's a problem. Really, we make it into a problem. Like let's say, let's say you're you don't like uh you don't like a certain kind of food, and you force yourself to eat that food, maybe it gives you some kind of a reaction. And you sure you force yourself to eat that food because you're like the world isn't real, the reaction isn't real, so you end up suffering over it. Maybe it's a relationship with a person and they seem to be mean to you, right? Maybe it's like that. You know, look at what what you're perceiving is is still a misperception. It's just that what you make of it, if you make it into something that's victimizing you, that's where you're making it into something real. So it's okay to have the perception that you're having. It's just when you make it real, you're going, this has caused me my upset feeling. That's really what it's getting to. So it's not as if I'm upset because of something that's occurring in the world. I'm really upset before the thing occurs in the world. So let's say, you know, it's a it's a rainy day. This happens for a lot of people. It's a rainy day and you wanted it to be a sunny day because you were gonna have a picnic, right? So it's not like denying that it's a rainy day, but it's denying that the meaning you made of it as if it caused your depression, let's say, is true. That's not really true. You were you had that feeling before the thing arose. So that's the distraction to make it about the thing. Like someone goes, How are you today? Oh, I'm doing terrible, my plans got ruined because it was raining out, right? That's where you're asked to see that you're not really upset because something occurred in the world or someone was mean to you, someone slighted you. You're not really upset because of the thing that occurred in the world. You were upset first, and then it drew the thing in. But what people try to get into is bypassing. Like let's say someone's someone's being mean to you. Maybe they're yelling at you or something, and you're going, oh no, they're just being nice to me. They're they're being really nice to me. You know, the truth is they're giving you exactly what you need, okay? The truth is that they're actually giving you what you need. Okay, someone's telling me to enable the chat. Enabled chat is enabled. Truth is that you're they're giving you what you what you need, but at the same time, it's like seeing that. Do I like this? Do I want to go back and experience this again and again and again? They are giving you everything because they're showing you the contents of your mind when you make an interpretation. Whenever you make an interpretation, it's like, is this thing really affecting me? No, it's not really affecting me. Do I need to go back to it and do it again? No, you don't have to unless you're telling yourself that I have to because the world isn't really real. Like, let's say you seem to have gluten intolerance, which is ridiculous, I know. Because there's no such thing as cause and effect in the world. But you get the sense that you're blowing up every time you eat gluten. So the unworthy form of denial is where you go back and try to eat it again and again and again and deny that you're having those symptoms, right? Denying that it seems to be, it seems to be affecting you in this world in this way. But the thing itself, of course, is not affecting you, but then you don't have to go back and do it again. Here's where it gets kind of tricky, okay?

Stop Repeating Painful Experiments

SPEAKER_00 5:40

So if you blame, let's say, a restaurant, you said you wanted a gluten-free meal and they put gluten in your meal, or you said you wanted a vegetarian meal and they put meat in your meal. I've seen that happen before, too. And you get pissed at them because they did it wrong. You start blaming that they did it wrong. That's where you're asked to see that they're giving you exactly what you need. That doesn't mean you have to go back and do that again. You don't have to ask for pain. So a lot of the times when people misunderstand, they start asking for pain. And when we're asking for pain, we can't see what kind of patterns are bringing us into this same kind of situation again, where we seem to be hurting ourselves. We do the same thing with relationships, like we seem to be hurting ourselves by going back for more. And the way we do that is believing that love requires sacrifice. See, it's this idea that we should be sacrificing something of ourselves to prove to ourselves that the world isn't here, that the world isn't real. So these dynamics start to play out where someone will someone will demand something of you. This is very common when people are in service, when they're spiritual people, they want to be spiritual people, they want to be of service, they want to be good people, right? You'll automatically resonate with people who knowingly or unknowingly want to use that aspect of you, want to tell you, well, it would be loving for it would be loving of you if you gave this to me. Maybe it's a thing, maybe it's your time, maybe it's something like that. But really, listening to the spirit involves not giving in to other people's requests. It's not giving in to other people's requests, it's willingness to leave those requests aside. You know, people have told me before if the world isn't real, then why do you need to put a jacket on when it's cold? See? And that's that's where people get tripped up. It's kind of like, oh, okay, the world isn't real. Well, let's just do it like this. Let's let's go. Then the cold isn't real, then I shouldn't need a jacket. See, so the world is based on misperception, doesn't mean that you're supposed to make yourself hurt, make yourself pained, sacrifice yourself. That's why we've been going over in a course in miracles recently in our deep dives. We've been going over how we tend to sacrifice ourselves a lot. We send we tend to tell ourselves that we have to do a certain thing. And that doesn't change for people right away when they get into a course in miracles. In fact, what I see is it gets a little bit exacerbated because it's like as if demonstrating to ourselves that the world isn't real means to go and and cause ourselves pain on purpose. That's not what we're being asked to do. We're not being asked to sacrifice ourselves in any way. So uh so whether that means you know, pretending like you like something that you don't like, pretending like you enjoy, let's say, the pretending like you enjoy a certain food or you enjoy a certain dynamic, right? So it moves the other way, like the ego, the ego just builds up in this and it moves the other way. And the ego will say, see, love really doesn't work. You can't just love everything, right? And and it's it's it's like this, because I've been I've been told recently by an ACIM person, you have to figure out how to love every single thing. And it's more like not loving every single uh every single thing in the world, but loving all of it as one. That's different, that's a different vibe. It's not saying that you have to pretend like you like things that you don't like, you don't have like certain things feel good when they don't actually feel good. It's a way of viewing the world as in everything everyone does is for me and it's perfect. And at the same time, God's will for me is perfect happiness. And when I'm seeing clearly, the boundaries arise just naturally. We don't have to put the boundaries up, we can say no to something, right? Sometimes you may experience friends trying to convince you that you are harming them. Okay. That's another thing.

Love Without Sacrifice Or Self-Harm

SPEAKER_00 10:50

It's like, I want you to see how you've been harming me. I want you to see how your behavior, your actions have been harming me. And many times what that's about is that the person doesn't realize that their upset feeling actually came before they started trying to make it about you. Okay, so we'll get an upset feeling and try to make it about another person. Like for me, I don't have to make an upset feeling about an ups about another person to see the pattern, to see the dynamic that's playing out, to recognize when someone's using manipulation with me, for instance, right? It doesn't mean I pretend like they're not using manipulation in the dynamic, in the dream. No one's really using manipulation. That's why they're forgiven before it even arises. But that doesn't mean I'm playing into manipulation because I'm pretending like it's not occurring as a dynamic. See, that's one subtlety that kind of caught me for a little while. That's why I'm aware of it. I could see how allowing someone to use manipulation. Now, hindsight is 20-20. I'm going, wow, I just allowed that manipulation to occur. Because in my mind, I said, you know what? I'm gonna just show this person perfect love no matter what. I'm gonna overlook the manipulation, continue to play in the dynamic without saying anything about it, without having any boundaries or anything like that, and continue to go through this and uh and basically going through a lot of pain, right? Now, for myself, it was great because I knew that the pain that I was experiencing was not coming from the dynamic or the person. I knew that it wasn't actually doing that. So I'm asking for the Holy Spirit to help me see clearly, and then as I'm seeing, I'm getting more freedom around it and ability to see the patterns that are playing out. So I allowed the manipulation, and I even saw pretty recently when we were in an A Course of Miracles deep dive, that happens for me often. I even saw where I where I go yes to the yes to the manipulation. You know why? Because I was manipulating too. I was going, if I say yes to this manipulation, then I get what I want, which is not really what I want. I don't really want anything in the world. But if I if I just kept everything comfortable, kept this person comfortable, then I could keep getting what I want, I thought I wanted from them, which is keeping the relationship intact, right? I could keep them coming around. I can keep them seemingly giving me what I want, the physical affection, the emotional whatever's, you know, this this sense of being seen and loved and everything like that. What we do is we use strategies, and this is a subtle strategy that I'm I'm seeing it's coming into, it's coming into my experience and showing me exactly what it is so that I could talk about it and articulate to you guys how to see this when it's playing out, when you're in a dynamic where manipulation is being played. Now, look, it's always manipulation on both sides. That's the thing. It's always manipulation on both sides. No one's being a victim of anyone else's manipulation. The only reason why we don't see the manipulation is because we don't want to. And we're always awake. Now, this is something I've been sharing lately. We're always awake, but to the extent that we don't want to be awake to our patterns, we seem to be asleep to them. So when you get the sense that someone's manipulating you, look to what kind of manipulation tactics you're using. And it could be very subtle. In this case, and I'm now that I've seen it within myself, I see it a lot. I see it as it's a way of relating. It's been normalized as a way of relating, where it's like, okay, you manipulate me a little bit, I manipulate you a little bit. It happens all the time in marriages. Like we don't care about each other for the most part when it comes to how we're feeling. What kind of uh what what kind of emotional turmoil are we dealing with? Because we tend to look at each other as bodies, like what are you contributing to this thing that we have built, right? How are you contributing to this thing that we have built? How are you sacrificing for me and I'm sacrificing for you? It's very common. So what I what I did was I kept on asking for help. I kept on giving everything to the Holy Spirit throughout this dynamic. Whenever I'd see, wow, this doesn't feel good. You know, I'd be honest with myself that this doesn't feel good, right? What what is going on here? What is it? What am I not seeing? Why does it feel like this person is victimizing me, even though I know I'm not being victimized, right? So I'm feeling that feeling, but I'm also asking for the truth. Now, a lot of people have learned how to feel their feelings lately because that's been the kind of spirituality and just emotional kind of IQ that's been developing in people. So they've been able to recognize, okay, I'm upset. I need to feel this feeling. And then people are going, well, how long does this have to go on? How long do I have to keep on feeling these terrible feelings and keep on going through this? Well, you have to you have to recognize that you need truth. You know, it's truth that you need. That's the missing component. And to and to ask for truth, it's like, help me see this differently. I'm determined to see this differently. I'm determined to give everything to the Holy Spirit. If you don't give it to the spirit, source, whatever you want to call it, then it's just gonna keep on hurting. These relationships are just gonna keep on hurting. And I notice with people, you know, in spirituality, when when we're into spiritual bypassing, especially this happens with the Course in Miracles people, that they don't want to look at their relationships. And really, our our our spirituality is being played out through the relationships. We're being shown what we think, how we regard ourselves, what we think we are through our relationships. These are really the key. I did a post on an ACIM group, and it was something about relationship dynamics. And someone goes, things that don't have anything to do with ACIM for a thousand bucks, right? And I go, really? I think this is really relevant, actually, to what ACIM is actually teaching. You know, it's like people don't want to hear about these relationship things because a lot of people are going, yeah, let's just bypass all this relationship stuff and go straight to God. Meanwhile, it's the relationships that are showing you the way. Really, we're in relationships with everything. So, you know, like I was talking about gluten, for instance. And it's like if you're blaming the gluten for hurting your body for making you glow bro blow up like that, then you're not really understanding cause and effect. But if you're looking at it like, okay, it's really my mind that's attacking, you're willing to see the attack thoughts, you're willing to see how you've regarded yourself as something that you're not to make it so that you're you're apparently choosing food or not choosing food, someone else is giving it to you that's hurting you, right? But you're not blaming a person, you're not you're not putting blame on a person. And this is one area where I definitely get the sense that I'm misunderstood because I can perceive patterns, notice the dynamic, and talk about the dynamic, but not blame a person for doing it. Like I'm not mad at them, I'm still playful with them. It's just that I have different boundaries because I see differently. It's really a seeing that's different. So I don't play into the manipulative, the manipulation and the roles that they're expecting me to play into. So it's like I could still relate, I could still be playful. It's just that I don't go into those roles

Manipulation, Blame And Clean Boundaries

SPEAKER_00 20:00

anymore once I see what kind of role is being asked of me. And, you know, what I what I notice is that makes people very uncomfortable. When people are used to me playing a certain role where I've been engaging in this manipulation back and forth with them, and then I recognize what that is, and then I just go, no, I'm not, I'm not playing that. I don't even tell them something like that. I'm just aware that that's not for me. So it might come out like I'm not even addressing the idea that I have in this particular situation. I'll give you more specifics. It's as if what I'm doing is causing the person's suffering. So then what happens is I feel responsible for their suffering. That's where I pick up the role, where I feel responsible for their suffering and then try to explain to them, try to help them understand and get into this kind of sticky dynamic. So once I'm I'm aware of that, and now I'm aware of it, it's probably not even gonna occur again because I'm aware of the uh the the request, all right, the person's request for me to play a particular role, for me to feel responsible for their suffering, and then do something to try to try to make them feel better. This is a very common thing that people start doing, especially when they're little kids, and their parents seem to be upset, and the kid imagines that they need to do something different so that the parent isn't so upset, and then that'll turn into a manipulative role. The parent will start acting like many times, yes, it is your fault that I'm upset because you haven't been good, right? So it's the same kind of thing that'll play out in adult relationships as well, it's like Like one person will be the one playing the victimized one, and then one person, because of the way they are, they're victimizing that person, and they need to change. So once I saw what's going on, and the person comes back to me with the same kind of victim story and going, Hey, because you talk about these patterns like this, you're diminishing me, you're judging me, you're you're accusing me of something, right? And it's funny because now I'm talking about it again, you know, and and in the event that they hear this particular recording, they may have the same the same interpretation. The interpretation may be that I'm judging them and I'm accusing them of doing something. And you know what? That's okay. That's okay. This is my profession. This is what I do. I I look at patterns and I bring them to the surface. But the thing is, it's like I'm not rejecting the person. I'm not rejecting the person. They're actually rejecting themselves, they're assuming that I feel a certain way about them. So then they can't relate with me now because they think they're projecting that I feel a certain way about them. I do not feel any way about them, except they're the perfect son of God, giving me everything that I need. And still, I'm going to be discussing the patterns. I'm going to be talking about the patterns. So when it came back again, and it's like, you know, haven't heard from the person in a while. And then it comes back again. I get a text, and it's like, you know, I want to be close to you, but I can't take it that you're always analyzing me and judging me. I can't take it. This is, you know, this hurts me so much that I just have to stay away from you. And, you know, I just let them know I'm not interested in a relationship like that. I'm not, I'm really not interested in a relationship that's based on fear and self-protection and stuff like that. So, you know, I'll let you know if I ever am, though. You know, if I ever do get interested in stuff like something like that, I'll let you know, right? So that comment that I'll let you know, and and recognizing that it's fear and a relationship based on fear and protection, it's like, will you engage with me in this relationship? It's like, no, I won't. I'm not interested in that. Then what comes back is every time I talk to you, my nervous system gets so triggered. I can't, I can't be around you. My nervous system is triggered. Well, I'm not in a teaching role with this person in this moment. If their nervous system is triggered by me and they're blaming me for their things, I am not in a teaching role with them. I am not gonna tell them that, you know, that's not the guidance, too. That that, you know, you're actually upset for something that has nothing to do with my behavior, it has nothing to do with anything I'm saying on wisdom dialogues, it has nothing to do with anything I am writing. That is not what is triggering you. That's something that's internal. It's an idea that that you're deficient in some way. That is not coming from me. I

Relationship Conflict As A Mirror

SPEAKER_00 25:20

am not saying that you're deficient. You know, I I really I I really feel like everyone is fucking awesome. Okay, and they're doing exactly what they need to do, they're giving me exactly what they need to give me. If I'm recognizing a pattern and I'm talking about a pattern, that does not mean that that person is diminished in my view. So I was having a conversation with a with a mother who happens to be a single mother now and is going through a thing with the with the father of her child. And it and, you know, I saw the correlation so much with what with what I've been just talking about, about the dynamic with my friend. First of all, she was talking about how she just would really love it if he would die. That would be the best if he would just die, right? You know, she's this is a father of her child too. And and I guess their relationship has been just so rocky. She's got these murderous thoughts and and murderous fantasies happening, right? It's very common. It is very common. I used to have the same thing about my stepdad. It'd be just great if he would die, you know what I mean? Because you just like get this sense that you're so victimized by them, they're ruining your life so much. They would just, you would just like that for them to die. So, so you know, I heard her say that a couple times, and and I'm just kind of like, oh, that's cute and stuff. And then then the conversation goes, goes to, you know, she's looking at me for some help, for some wisdom and some help. And I go, well, you know, that thing about you wanting that dude to die, that's actually a projection that's hurting your mind. And I saw her crying earlier too, and I was like, that's what's really making you cry, because it's an attack thought, you know, when you're when you're projecting that he needs to die in order for you to feel better, you're actually projecting something that doesn't leave your mind. It's basically saying that you're a victim of the world. It's really saying that you're the evil one because it just doesn't leave your mind. So then you end up crying. And she's like, isn't crying good? And it's not good or bad. You know, I heard that it's really good for your eyelashes, actually. It helps your eyelashes grow nicely when you cry. So that's definitely an advantage to you. But but you know, to be honest with yourself, it's not to say I shouldn't be crying, but to be honest with yourself that you're crying because you have attacked your own mind. It's not because someone else has done something to you, it's because you've actually done the attacking in your own mind. So we had a little bit of a conversation about it, and you know, letting she asks a lot of questions and letting her know, okay, you're you're noticing that you don't like something he does, but your reaction to that, your reaction to that is actually comes before you perceive it, you having the misperception that he did something. That your reaction to it is actually before. So see the internal thing here. It's not about trying to make yourself be loving. And she was in the same kind of situation as I was where I'm gonna just show this person so much love. I'm just gonna show them so much love. Yet the ego came into that to show them the love, right? The ego hijacked that because there ends up being, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna show them, I'm gonna I'm gonna show them, and it's gonna change them, and it's gonna be amazing, right? But the ego comes in and makes you acquiesce to these requests of them to play in a joint manipulation game. And then the ego comes up and says, see, love doesn't work. See, but love always works. It's just that that's not love when the ego hijacks it, it's transactional. Thank you. So it's not love when the ego hijacks it and goes, I'm just gonna show them perfect love no matter what. Look, you don't your love is not perfect. That's the that's the thing. It's just not perfect because you have been listening to the ego, so you don't know how to love without sacrifice. That's why it's important to listen to the Holy Spirit. Ask and listen. Holy Spirit, I do not know how to love without sacrifice. You know, you show me in the moment, you leave the lead the way in the moment so that you can see what the request is. So when my friend was making the request, basically it's a it's a request. He's writing me, telling me how I'm I'm judgmental and these other things because of the things I say here online and the and some of the things I write too. When I'm writing about relationships, I'm totally using this relationship kind of like as a as a muse, you could say, because it has shown me dynamics that are regular human dynamics that are going on all the time. I do not dislike this person one bit. I totally like him. I think he's awesome. And you know, if he comes around, I play with him when he's around. But it doesn't mean that I have to do particular things with him, like engage in these manipulative games. I don't necessarily have to, let's say, go on a trip with him. I don't have to necessarily go on a certain adventure or go dance with him if I don't feel like doing anything like that. I don't have to prove inform that I'm loving. I do not need to do that. Being loving is actually listening to the Holy Spirit. So you could see the blocks to love. You could see there's blocks to love that we've added up by listening to the ego. So back to the woman with the with the kid and the husband. So she goes, Yeah, I want to be myself. I want to be loving. Before she was like, I'm gonna be loving, but she was doing it with the ego. So, what people do is go back and forth. And and I go, Okay, be careful with this. You got to be listening to the Holy Spirit because all you're gonna be doing is going back and forth between trying to be loving and and believing that your victimized feeling is coming from this person, you're just gonna be going back and forth. So she's she saw it. She's like, Okay, I see that. And you know, they they've been having this thing, the kind of like this custody thing with the kid, where he's going, you don't deserve photos of your kid, but you're you're just such a terrible person. You don't deserve photos of your kid when she's hanging out with me. When I have the kid, you don't get any photos because you're a terrible person, right? And she believed that he was serious about that, and that he was, you know, uh what I like to tell people is they're just kidding. These things can change really easily. These things can change. So we're talking, and she's uh and she's looking at it and she's going, okay, I don't need to do that thing where I want to kill him anymore. I don't need to kill him off in my mind anymore. That's what hurts me. I really do want to be loving. Okay, she's asking questions, she's getting, she's getting well uh well aware of how the Holy Spirit guides through this. We get done talking, and there's a photo of her kid from the guy. She's like, I can't believe this. He sent me the photo, and I go, Yeah, because we feel each other. That's the thing. We totally feel each other, right? So so it's like she calmed down, she lightened up, and so then he he he just didn't know why, he had no idea why, but it's just like here's a photo. She's like, he told me he was never gonna send me another photo. He told me that I don't deserve it because I'm so I'm such a terrible person, right? And that's how it is, and and who and who knows? I always I always go with my friend too. He's just kidding, you know. In my mind, I'm like, he's just kidding. He gets this sense, I know, I I get it. You know, there's this sense like like I'm unworthy, I'm so bad, I'm a terrible person, you know. And I've told him before, you're not a terrible person, you're just playing out patterns. That's all. You know, you're just playing out patterns. This is a good reflection. This is something that you actually really like about me, that I reflect back what the patterns are. I reflect back to you what the patterns are. Some of my friends go, please, I want you to reflect to me what the patterns are. Please reflect me what the patterns are. But then when that's when it's something that's really guarded, like you know, with this friend, he doesn't want to be seen as someone who's out of touch, you know, who's who's maybe being mean, being manipulative. He doesn't want to be seen as something, he doesn't want to see himself like that, right? And it's like I say over and over again, you are not your patterns. You are not your patterns. And you know what? No one cares, no one really cares. You know, even if they pretend like they care, they're just kidding. Don't worry about it. You are you are not the patterns. You don't need to change, you don't need to do anything different. If you want to see the reflection, though, you could see how you're making pain in your relationships. This is a habit. Whenever, you know, whenever you're getting close with someone and you're and you get scared and you start manipulating, the next thing you know, you're having an upset kind of relationship. And you don't have to do that if you're if you would look at the patterns but recognize that they're not you. See, when you identify with the behavior, then you're feeling guilty about the behavior, and then you want to hide. That's what's going on. There's hiding happening. It's like, oh, I don't want that reflection. It makes my nervous system go. So I'm gonna stay away from that reflection. I don't want to see that reflection. You know, it's one thing to recognize I don't like this, but that doesn't mean that it that doesn't mean that you should hide from the reflection. You don't hide from the reflection. I mean, getting away from someone, that's fine. It doesn't feel good to me, it doesn't feel peaceful to me. That's fine. Get your space and be willing to see the reflection instead of projecting on the person that gave you the reflection. Don't project on the person that they're judgmental, that they're analyzing you because they gave you the reflection. You know, you really can't perceive a person judging and analyzing you unless you're judging and analyzing them in your mind. You're really not gonna perceive it like that, that they're being judgmental, right? And it's the same thing with manipulation. Like I know that I can only perceive manipulation, uh, my at least myself being victimized by manipulation, if I'm manipulating, right? Otherwise, if I perceive manipulation and I'm not manipulating, I'm not feeling like I'm victimized by it. The manipulation is just cute. I'm not getting in, I'm not getting involved with it. It's like bring the manipulation on. It's fun. Bring the judgment on, bring the uh bring the analysis on, analysis on. It's fun, right? It's fun for me. It's only where I'm doing it and engaging in it myself where it seems to be a problem. Right. Margaret said, I love that you're getting into this today. Yeah, I couldn't help it. It just arose. It was so funny. I hadn't heard from this person in months, right? And then I get a text from, and it's and the text is alluding to like I'm trying to lure him in so that I can fuck him up, right? I haven't even been communicating communicating with the person. You know, the the metaphor was great. The metaphor was like as if as as if it's like a cat getting uh going for some milk, but the milk is hot and the cat burns its tongue, so it goes away. And I'm like, that is a cool metaphor. That is a really fun metaphor for me. You know, it was he was using that metaphor to show me that I'm doing this to him. He was trying to convince me that I'm doing this to him. I'm putting the milk out, but then it's hot, and then he wants to go away. And if like if I want him to be around, if I want to really lure him in, then I need to shut the fuck up about it. The dynamic. And I'm like, that's not gonna happen because this is too juicy. This is really good, right? I'm like, I really like that dynamic with the cat getting a burnt tongue because it's saying that, you know, I don't want to actually choose between love and fear. I just want to react and retreat like a cat does, right? A cat gets scared, they retreat. I notice the cat that's hanging around here. Its name is nuisance. Well, it's not a nuisance to me at all. And you know, that that name isn't true for me. Uh, but I notice it's kind of skittish, right? It'll like like if if you're walking around, it'll see you and it'll hide like that. Cats don't choose. Humans, uh, we can choose. We can choose between love and fear. Like we can see something, we can see what kind of thing we're making. And we're for making someone out to be as if we're they're victimizing us. If we're making someone out to be as if they're trying to lure us in so that they could pounce on us, then, right? So we can we can recognize and choose love and recognize that we're actually making that dynamic real for ourselves in that way. And it's it's it's sweet because you know, he wants free lake with me. He wants to have he wants to have communication with me, but there's a sense like this is too much. This reflection is too much. You're gonna talk about whatever dynamics are going on, and you're just gonna bring them to light, and you're gonna not play under the shadows. See, I trained him a certain way because I for months engaged in this, trying to keep them comfortable so that I don't make waves and keep the relationship. I want to keep the relationship intact, don't make any waves, don't give a clear reflection, and then that came to be the thing. And you know, there was all there was also a comment like, Well, I was just hoping that, you know, from before we used to have the this dynamic, I was hoping that I could get something like that. And and it's like for me, that dynamic has been seen, though. So I'm not trying to lure you in by manipulating you and pretending I don't see this dynamic, right? It's okay with me. I understand if this connection feels like it's not peaceful for you right now and you need to retreat. I totally get it, and I wish you all the best, right? And I'm also available, I'm still available if there's a willingness to meet in truth, if there's willingness to see that we we have this kind of pattern at play where we've been manipulating each other and we actually want to see clearly. Yeah. Okay, let's see. Oh, no reply yet. Yeah, no reply yet. So so the the retreat is still taking place for now, right? And it and you know, it's not it, it's not like I need something to happen, you know. In the case with my friend who has the kid and they have that dynamic, like I said, she got she got she got this reflection, like you know, and she's looking at me and she's like, Oh my god, you're so magical. Like I just sit here and talk to you and get these wisdoms, and then all of a sudden I'm like getting what I want. Well, I don't want anything, I really don't want anything. I don't want anything of the dynamic to manifest. I don't it doesn't matter to me whether the person comes around or stays away. It the love is the same to me. I don't need anything to occur. I know that in time every eye will see. I know that in time everyone will want to be aware of how they do manipulation in relationships so they can be like happy children. We're meant to be playing happy games, like happy children. And in these happy, happy games, we recognize that the pain that we're experiencing is not coming from anything the other person is doing. But that doesn't mean we're spiritually bypassing it either. I mean, we have been, I have been, I could say, from my from my perspective, and not knowing it. And you know, we don't we don't know what we we don't know what we know until we know it, right? We don't know that thing until until we know it. So the way I went through it was recognizing that I'm not seeing something and I'm gonna keep on going through this dynamic. And so also recognizing, oh, I'm gonna love him so hard that he's gonna, you know, and that's the ego, right? Okay, that's the ego. That's my relationship strategy. That's a strategy that I'm using. At one time, you know, I said, okay, you know, all this stuff with the romantic and sexual stuff and this in this dynamic, this is not, this is not Pono. It's not balance, it's not, it's not congruent right now. Let's not have this right now. And then there was a sense like he owed me something and he was gonna pay me with some sex. And I didn't go, wait a minute, you can't really owe me anything, and I don't really want it like that, anyways, right? Instead, I go, Oh, I can get something here. And so then it was subtle. It was like, you know, it's like in hindsight, I could really see how I set myself up in something like that. And then pain that comes through the dynamic always comes from our self setting ourselves. Up. It's not a person doing something to us. So all throughout, even as I went through pain about it, the pain I knew was not coming from something he did. So I wasn't making the projections, even though projections were launching, I'm asking for help with those projections as well and not making them about him. So my friend was going, was going, do you just never feel any pain? You know, the single mother I was talking with yesterday, do you just never feel any pain? It's like, no, I feel it. You know, I feel the upset. I might feel jealousy, even anything, but I'm aware that it's not caused by another person. I'm aware that that's already there and I need help seeing something. So even when I've gone through these dynamics, and it's it's funny because once you see it this clearly, this kind of dynamic is not going to take to take place again. It's not gonna, it's not gonna happen because it's it's like the awareness of it. Once you have that awareness of it and you see, okay, this is a manipulation tactic that we both play with each other. If one side is not engaged in the manipulating, there's no manipulating taking place. The other person can play manipulation all they want, it doesn't land. See, it just doesn't land. So it it is this seeing past patterns and using forgiveness in this way collapses time because it makes it so that we don't have to do that again. We get to be more in a happy game kind of dynamic. So whether this person comes back around me or not, the truth is nothing has gone wrong. And you know, when he reaches out to me, he's constantly trying to convince me that something has gone wrong. I've I, you know, he's hurt me, is what he wants to hang on to. He wants to hold on to the story that he's hurt me, and and there's nothing that I need to try to teach about that. If he wants to stay with the story that he hurt me, that's okay. That's okay. It's just that I'm not buying into it. I'm not buying into the idea that he needs to do anything to make up for the hurt that he did for me anymore. There's nothing like that. And I'm also not buying into the idea that I'm hurting him by talking about these dynamics, right? That's that's actually that's actually a need to hide from our own reflection. We're all reflecting each other, we're all reflecting each other and wanting to control the situation, wanting to control the relationship. Hey, I still really like you. I like to be around you, but I'm not gonna be around you if I can't trust you to not talk about the dynamics. And I'm like, well, you really can't trust me to do that. So, yeah, because this is this is big, actually. And and I know when I talk about it, when I bring it up, and people will go, oh, I see how I've got a dynamic going like that. You may even have a spouse or you you love your spouse and you've been with them for a long time and you have no intention of leaving them or anything like that, but you're just gonna stop playing in that dynamic now. You know, now that you hear something like this, you're going, oh, I see how I've got a manipulative dynamic going too, and I could see how I'm not gonna be playing into that anymore. Really, it's seeing things differently. That's all it is. You're just seeing it differently. So instead of defending myself and going, I'm not judging you, I'm not analyzing you, it's nothing like that. You're not understanding me. I I feel deeply, I I'm good at feeling. I've I've spent a lot of time before I even knew that I needed truth, just sitting there feeling things, just feeling them. And a lot of people are doing that now. And it's like, it's like, where's the end of this? It's when you accept the truth. It's when you that's the component, that's the missing piece, is when you accept the truth with the feeling that you stop. You know, you may not immediately stop projecting, but letting the projections happen with the truth, bringing them to the truth. So, for instance, this person is making me feel like this. This person is the one responsible for this nervous system reaction that I'm getting. And you're just aware that that's not true. That's all. You're not trying to stop yourself from feeling or anything, you're just aware this isn't really true. All right, yay. It sure made me smile just

Crying, The Ego And A Breakthrough

SPEAKER_00 49:00

now when I was alerted you are on. Yay! Thank you for joining. Yeah, that's Substack people. So if you want to know when I'm on live and get a notification right away whenever I'm online, follow me on Substack, subscribe to me on Substack because it actually sends you an email when I'm online and you can just go, oh, she's online. I can I can get on there. Yeah, all right. I'm checking on you guys to see what your comments are. Okay. Guess that's why I have such great eyelashes. That's Hope Anderson. She's been crying a bunch. Yeah, so here's here's the thing about crying, it really helps to see it this way. If you're crying, that is the ego. The ego's face is constantly wet with tears of sorrow. Okay, that's not you. You're actually not capable of suffering. It's giving you a clue. All right, it's not to try to stop it, but it's giving you a clue. You know, another friend that was sitting with us when I was when I was sharing with the single mother, she goes, but I I know this is good. I know crying, and I know I know the sorrow and everything. I know that is good, you know. And I go, yeah, that's the that's really what you're talking about. That's the ego stronghold. That's one of the ego strongholds, you know. You you saying it like that. Again, you don't need to stop crying, just recognize that's the ego. It means you have been engaging in patterns of thought that hurt you, it hurts your mind. Christine's a crier too. She knows what I'm talking about. She'll just start crying any second, right? But but she, you know, she knows, and and this is also reminding her over and over again that whenever you cry, that's the ego. I had a huge breakthrough with that in 2014 when I was crying all day. I was in Papossana crying all day. I didn't even know why I was crying at first. I just felt so sad, right? And I and and I just cried all the way into the night. And then in the middle of the night, there's a voice. I was not aware of this voice. People would call it your inner child. It sounded like a little kid, sounded like me as a little kid. But mommy, how could you do that to me? You know, this really like sadness, and you know, you might think that you need to go back and help that inner child, or maybe you need to like like tell your mom and convince your mom that she really fucked you up in your childhood, right? This is kind of like what my friend is is trying to do. He's trying to convince me that I'm really fucking him up continually, right now, even if he happens to watch this video, which he he probably will, right? And continually I'm messing him up. So I see that voice and I go, that's the ego. Oh my goodness. I was so I was elated. It went from being all day crying to it was a recognition, that's the ego. That's the reason I've been crying all day. All day, and I was in silence. I was in vipassana meditation, right? So I was staying in silence, and I was I was seeing things differently. I had 30 days of A Course in Miracles by that moment, you know, I was only 30 days, but I was staying in silence, and and I'm listening to the discourse too, the Vipassana discourse, and you know, it's basically telling you the same kind of thing. The world is coming from your mind, right? When they're doing their discourses, that's what they're talking about. The world is actually coming from your mind. So when I saw it was the ego, I was there was so much joy. It was like, gosh, I barely cried again. And whenever I did cry, I was aware. I mean, sometimes a tear would just barely fall, and I'd be like, oh my goodness, I just start laughing. Right? A tear would barely like one time, one time my son basically berated me for about 45 minutes about what a terrible mom I am and stuff. And I just like sat through that and with attentiveness, with recognizing how it feels in my body's energy field with attentiveness, asking the Holy Spirit what guidance. At the time it was just like sit and listen and feel and listen. So once it, once he's done, you know, I, you know, I'm like, okay, have you told me everything? Have you told me everything you want to tell me? You know, once he's done, he's like, Yeah, okay, I'm I'm good, I'm done. So then I go, I go back to my room and I go take a shower, and I notice a tear starts to fall from my eye, and I just start laughing. I just start laughing about it. And like I know that it has to be my own attack thoughts that's causing the tear to fall, right? And then and then the next morning, I I still feel this energy, you know, kind of like like a sense like something's gone wrong, right? That like something has gone wrong. My son, you know, feels like I've been the worst mom, like I've done all these terrible things to him, right? So I go for a walk with my husband and and our dog down by the ocean. And at some point, I just let out a huge scream toward the ocean. It's like it's huge, like my whole body gets into it. It's like, ah, you know, and and my husband's like, Well, are you okay? I'm like, I feel better now. Go back home. There's my son, right? And he's like, Mom, that all that stuff that I said to you last night, oh my goodness. He's like, Are you okay? I'm so sorry. You know, and I'm like, I'm like, no, no, I want it out rather than in. I really do. I want it out, I want it to be out rather than in, you know. And and it's like I'm not agreeing with anything he's telling me because I know the world isn't real. I know I haven't done anything. I know my innocence is all intact, it's perfect, right? I'm not agreeing with him, but I'm not defending myself either. That's a thing. You know, it's like when you defend yourself, you're attacked, you're attacking yourself. So I wasn't defending myself, but I just let him know. No, I no, no, you're awesome. You don't need to hold back, you know, you could just like let me know any of that stuff that you want to let me know. It's fine with me. So, you know, it took some years, and you know, there would be there would be times where he'd go back to, you've been a terrible mom. He'd try to convince his his little brother that I am a terrible mom, and I'm actually doing it wrong with him right now, and he better fucking wake up, otherwise, he's gonna be ruined by me. You know, and all the time, and and all the time for me, it just got more and more playful. It just got more and more playful with my son. You know, at one point he wasn't talking with me, we're in the same house, he's a big dude in a little kitchen, we're sharing this same kitchen together. You know, I'm just looking at it like we're meditating together, we're fine. And each time he'll come around again and be sweet to me. More recently, he's super sweet to me. He's he goes, Mom, I get it. I get how you just want everyone to be happy and you love everyone, and you're a sweet person. And I really get it. And I see you. He actually said, I see you, and now he's how old is he, like 24 or something like that. That's a funny. I see what I mean. The bad mom thing. I don't even know my kid's age. Apparently, I celebrated plenty of birthdays with him 23 or 24, something like that. Things get and and and you know, things can shift again. I don't mind. Things can shift again. At one at one point, his mom his dad told him, you know, you can be pissed at your mom and not talk to your mom all you want, but the thing is, she doesn't mind, and you're the one not having a good ass time with your mom. Like you're missing out on your mom. She's gonna have a good time no matter what, whether or not her kids are talking to her. And the reason that it's like that for me is because I I know there's nothing to be guilty about. I know that I know that I haven't really done anything. And you know, I've I've told my son before too, you know, he's like, mom, you know, growing up with you, you know, telling me the world isn't real when I'm nine years old and that you're not really my mom, you know, growing up with you, and I'm like, dude, I know, I'm telling you, I know, I get it. That would be a hard way to grow up. You're like, you just want to be a kid. I get it. You just want to be a kid, and you want your mom to pretend like she's your mom, right? Pretend like she's really your mom and she's really responsible for all your feelings and everything like that. I just go, let me tell you something. I'm not really your mom. We're we're all we're all the same. We're actually all the same. So, you know, you could just tell me what kind of cool shit you want to do, and I'll just like help you find help you do that cool shit that you want to do, you know. But I'm not obligated to like be anything that you think I should be, basically. Right. And that's really like that's how I am as far as relating with anyone. And so this was this was really different for me where I got into this kind of dynamic with a person where we're manipulating each other. And it was, and you know, it was painful for me. I'm not I'm also not bypassing that. I'm not saying there wasn't pain, it's just that I wasn't making the pain about him at any point in time because I was aware that the pain is coming from me. I would be very playful about it, I would be very jovial and kind about it, even when I'd go, okay, we're not relating in that way anymore, because it doesn't feel good. I'd go, it doesn't feel good. So I don't want to relate in that way. I don't want to do the intimacy with you, right? And then it would go back and forth. It would go back and forth, because then I'd, okay, things are different now. You know, he'd come around and go, things are different now. I've I've made this transformation and I really want to be with you. And then would go back and forth like that until and I knew I needed it. I was even playful about it. One time he's like, I know I've said this many times, and you probably don't trust me. And I'm like, I'm like, it doesn't matter. If I'm gonna play it out, I'm gonna play it out. And if I do, and I'm gonna and I'm gonna see things, that's the thing. I'm gonna, I'm gonna come out of it and I'm gonna be seeing things. And you know, I I I've shared with him too, because you know, I I seem like I was like really like far gone, like totally in love with him, you know. And it's like, oh my goodness, I would just look at him with these doe eyes, you know, and I'd share with him, that's not gonna last as long as this dynamic is like this. It's not gonna be able to last, it's only gonna go on until I see what I need to see. And then that's not you know, that, oh that's gonna pass. And and at the time it seemed like he really didn't believe me that it was gonna pass, right? So that I'm sure that's kind of shocking, you know, because it's like it's like I'm sharing that this is like this, but I don't think there's really the understanding and the awareness that, yeah, this is gonna pass, and I'm not gonna have this kind of power, a seeming power to manipulate and do the things that I do. And you know, I don't even think the dude knows that he's manipulating. It's like there's different people operating from different levels of consciousness. Of course, we're all awake, but to the extent we don't want to be awake, we perceive ourselves as not awake. Right? So then there's this idea that, and you know, there's this idea that you it's not a choice that you're making to not be awake, and so then there's this idea that that someone like me who's more awake should be taking care of you, right? You the you you could do anything, you could you could play your manipulative games, and I should be taking care of you by engaging in that dynamic with you. And as soon as I stop engaging in that in that dynamic, that's where the nervous system gets it feels like it's being attacked. Because it's like that comfort that you had before isn't there anymore. You were taking comfort in an ego game that I was allowing, that I was allowing that to be played, that I was engaging in too. And once I stopped playing in that ego game, now it's like this comfort is gone. It's as if something is lost, and then they're trying to get it back. And it's like seeing again and again, oh, you're done. You're done. You're not playing that game anymore. You're not, you're not not with me. You go find someone else to play it with. There's gonna be someone, someone that's gonna pop up and play it with you until you see that you don't want it anymore. You got to see for yourself that you don't want that manipulative game anymore. But until that happens, you're gonna find players, it's just not me anymore. That's all.

Parenting Without Control And Unschooling

SPEAKER_00 1:03:10

Nothing's gone wrong. Again, that's the main thing. One of my friends made a comment, and Astia made a comment. Even when your mom is Hope Johnson, people still complain. Because people often tell me, you know, if I had a mom like you, I was like, go talk to my kids. I mean, uh, if you talk to my daughter, I have a daughter that's 34. And if you talk to her, actually it's her birthday today. Happy birthday! Yay! It's her birthday today. And if you talk to her, I'm the best thing ever. It was it was it was amazing all the way through, even though, you know, I didn't even I didn't even recognize or see this way until she was about 17. She had to actually fake a pregnancy to get me to see things, you know, because I was just like, I was so wrapped up in the conventional way of parenting. I really wanted her to be okay in the world. You know, it all comes from caring. I wanted her to be okay in the world. I made her go to school. I would even, I would, I would even get my husband to hover over her to make sure he does she does her homework. You know, sometimes it would take her till about 11 o'clock at night. She was in a prep school. I was paying like $1,600 a month for, and I really wanted her to do it. I really wanted her to make it through that prep school. So she didn't have to depend on any man or anything like that. I wanted her to have the life that she feels like she's totally able to take care of herself. She doesn't have to like suck dick for a place to stay or anything like that ever, you know. Uh and and so it almost coming from care from caring, right? But I was very conventional. I was so I was so stressed because it was like a battle because she didn't want to do it. So she pretended to be pregnant, and then I was so beside myself. She was when she was pretending I didn't know she wasn't really pregnant, and she was just doing it for me. She didn't realize why she was doing it. She's 17, right? And I was like, Oh, you're pregnant, huh? Oh, you're pregnant, you're on restriction. You're on restriction until you either have the baby or get an abortion. I really wanted her to get an abortion. So then she uh she fakes the miscarriage. She didn't tell me she was faking it until many years later. No idea. Yeah, it's great. So then she fakes the miscarriage, and and then I felt this relief and she faked the miscarriage. And I happened to be pregnant too at the same time. And I was like, wow. And then next next thing after that, I end up having a miscarriage, right? And I I recognize the relief. And this like really sets me on my spiritual path because I'm like, I do not need to control. I do not need to control situations. I do not need to control my daughter. I do not need to make sure she goes to prep school. She can go to public school. She wants to go to public school. She can go to public school. She can fuck off. She can just do whatever. So her last year of school, a senior year, she went to public school. And then she goes, I don't really want to go to school. And I was like, you know what? You don't actually have to. I learned about unschooling by then. I was able to pay this lady like 250 bucks. And then she'll she'd get the paperwork from the public school, bring it over to her private school, and she'd let me just report what grades my daughter made. She graduated with straight A's, according to me. I just gave her A's in every subject. That's totally legal, by the way. If anyone needs to know how to do that, just let me know. It's actually it's so funny. Like there's this mandate that you're supposed to make your kids go to school. They'll even take you to court and stuff. But if you if you actually like legally get the paperwork done right, where someone's got a private school and they have a they have an official private school, which anyone can be a private school. You jump through a couple hoops to get to be a private school, and you can use any kind of uh uh educational theory that you want. Well, there's one that's unschooling, it's called unschooling. You let the kid do whatever they want. That's the that's the theory, and then they just learn because they're curious fuckers, right? So they didn't teach my daughter in prep school or anything like how to balance a checkbook or anything like that either. So that was part of like my training for her to teach her how to do something like that. So she she got it like as a kid, she she got the conventional way of being the mom that was stressed out, the mom that was doing, you know, the spank spanking with a spoon when she was a little kid, taking stuff away, taking stuff away from her, constantly hovering over her, totally different from how I raised the boys, right? She freaking loves me. She totally loves me. And it's not because she loves the way I raised her, she loves the transformation. And she tells, you know, she'll tell her little brothers, you know, you can thank me that mom is the way that she is. She'll tell, you can thank me that she's that way. And and then, you know, they go through certain things. Like, like the smaller one was like, I other the younger one, he's not smaller, he's 18. I think you're a terrible parent one time, you know, and he's 13. I think you're a terrible parent. Oh, really? Okay. What do you think you'd like me to do better? What do you think you'd like me to do different? I want you to send me to school. I go, you can go to school anytime you want. No, I want you to make me go to school. I was like, okay, I'll tell you what, how about if we go down and check what school you want to go to, and then you can pick a school. And then on days where you feel like you don't want to go to school, I'll I'll go in there and I'll go, you have to go to school. But then if you go, and then but then if you if you start to look like you're suffering, I'm gonna draw the line there, right? You're like, you don't really have to go to school. Uh-huh. How about that? Right? And it's like, and it's like, okay, so we get we we gear up for that. We get him all, you know, it's COVID time. He's 13 at the time, and we're doing we're doing all the uniforms, and it comes with masks, all the masks, right? Five masks, one for each day. I like him to have a clean one each day, at least if he's gonna be wearing one. It comes to the day he's supposed to go, and or the day before, the night before, he goes, you know what? I don't really want to start school. And I'm like, awesome. I go, aren't you glad I'm a bad parent? Are you glad I'm a neglectful bad parent? You don't have to go. And I was like, thank goodness, right? Because that line where you you pick up the kids from school. You guys seen that line that you sit in in your car? You're supposed to do that every day. Everyone's in prison or something. But that's you know, that's the conditioning of the world. That's what makes you a good parent. Sacrificing, right? You're sacrificing your well-being, which is what I was doing with my daughter. I was sacrificing my well-being to try to make it so she would have the kind of lifestyle that she's, you know, she's able to take care of herself. She never used any of that education, she didn't even care about it. 1600 bucks a month down the drain. She didn't even go to college. Right. She gets in situations all the time that I was trying to protect her from. She even jokes around sometimes that she's a co-cor. It's really fun. No, nothing's wrong. I mean, really, I people people look at that and go, oh my God. Oh no, if you if you meet her and you see her, she's totally happy and bright. It's just that she doesn't live by conventional ways. And she was raised the most conventional as you possibly can with a really expensive prep school and everything like that. And the one who's the the one who I was talking about who gave me the 45-minute lecture about being a bad mom because I didn't make him go to school, he actually got a four-year college degree and he's uh working a job where he's a manager with his college degree. Like he's doing everyone's doing what they want to do. It's like and it's like the opposite, you know. You would think, you know, that there's this idea that he's he's saying, you never gave me the opportunities, you didn't you didn't do this, you didn't, you didn't take me and make me do school, you let me not go to school sometimes. I was behind. He wasn't really behind. He I didn't make him go to school, and then he started going to school in like fourth grade. He was he was about six months behind when I went to the teachers teacher conference. He was six months behind in math because he wasn't practicing math, and that was fourth grade, but he was in tenth grade for reading when it came to reading and anything that had to do with that kind of stuff, because he was on the computer all the time. The teacher's like on a conference, she's like, I just need to know one thing. How did you get him to read like that? And I'm like, I let him do what he wanted. She's like, What? What did he do? I go, he played video games and he watched these Korean fighting movies where they didn't speak any English in the movie. So he's reading the had to read the subtitles to understand what's even going on. So he learned how to read really fast. That's why he was in 10th grade reading in fourth grade, right? The other kids, he's going, he's coming home and going, Mom, the kids in my class are really dumb. They can't read. And I go, that's because they've been going to school instead of doing what they want. Like, that's why they can't read, right? Especially public school. It was different for my daughter because she was in prep school. Like, they make sure you know how to read, they're not fucking around. You know, you're paying that kind of money. Your kid better know how to read. But in the public school, you know, the teachers over there trying, given the tools that she's given, and she's frustrated because they're reading out loud, and my son's just blowing through stuff. And, you know, I didn't call it unschool when I enrolled them in school. Unschool also means that they can go to school if they want, it's just whatever they want. They cannot go to school, they can go to school, they can they can try it out, they can drop out, they can go back and forth. That was what's something my son did go back and forth, and and he had this idea that it made him behind. Meanwhile, there's not very many 23-year-old branch managers in the world. Yeah, yeah, even when your mom is Hope Johnson, you still get complaints. And and you know it's not personal, nothing's personal about this. So when you're aware that nothing can go wrong, you can deal with whatever comes up, right? You don't get into these because someone's reflecting to you that you're a bad mom. You don't get into the idea because someone's reflecting to you that you're a bad friend, you don't get into that, you don't get into that dynamic with them. That's like I'm a bad friend. And the reason why the bad friend is coming up now is because I haven't been playing into the dynamic. That's why it's that's why that that projection that I'm being a bad friend because I'm not giving into that manipulative dynamic anymore. So that's what my son tried with me too. It's like you're you're being a bad mom, you're not doing things the way that you should do with them. And when I just don't buy into that dynamic, I'll let them, if they want to talk to me and tell me anything, I'm not defending against it, but I'm also not buying into it. Actually, defending yourself is buying into it. Explaining yourself. That's one thing that people don't recognize. When you start explaining yourself, you're actually buying into their accusations. So, you know, if you find yourself explaining yourself, that's not wrong. Just notice the energy, notice that energy dynamic when you do that. Because it's like it, it's like now you've now you've gotten into something. So for me, it's like I can just get out of everything when I'm not when I'm not confused by the situation. I was confused by this particular situation for a good period of time, maybe like uh I don't know, maybe like a year altogether. I was confused by the situation, but I was not confused in that my brother wasn't doing anything to me. I knew that he wasn't doing anything to me, causing anything for me. That's why whenever we would interact, I would be loving and kind to him. We could always interact in a sweet way. It wasn't like you did this to me. It's like, no, I seem to be going through suffering, but that doesn't mean that I'm projecting it onto you. I'm aware of the projections, that's why. Right? That's the only difference. So when I was talking with a single mom about this, she was like, Oh, I

Tools That Support Clear Seeing

SPEAKER_00 1:17:30

see that. You know, it takes a minute. I told her, if you want, do a course in miracles. If you go to my website, hopejohnson.org, you can go on a course in miracles. And you can you can go on my course in miracles recordings. I do one recording for each day. It's on a podcast, and right on the front page, you can link to it where I read the lesson and I contemplate the lesson too. And it's just one lesson per day. If you haven't done that yet and you're asking, like, how do you know this stuff? How are you so clear about this stuff? It's a course in miracles that helped me to see things more clearly. And I also have to give some props to Block Therapy. If you don't know what Block Therapy is, go look it up, blocktherapy.com. It's a way of meeting your pain. You meet your pain so that you so that you can breathe it out of your body's energy field. The more I've done block therapy, the more I've also been able to see. I think they're actually a really good combination. And I don't make any money off of block therapy. They don't let me make any money off of it. If they do have an affiliate program, you can get in on that if you want. But even if you say Hope Johnson referred you, that's not doing anything. I just tell people about it because I have experienced a lot of release through it, you know, as far as you know, this sense like the body is breaking down, it's getting a bad posture, all this different stuff. It hurts. Addressing the pain like that, it's kind of like a somatic, it's like a somatic way of doing what I'm talking about as far as far as looking at the painful thought patterns that are arising without projecting it. Right? So without projecting it in the body sense, you're actually bringing up the pain in the body sense in a in a kind way. It's not like we're torturing ourselves, it's in a in a kind way with a relaxed breath so that we can see. Okay, I'm gonna go get my charger somehow. I gotta place the charge right there. Okay, good. I'll be right back.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:42

Somehow my computer wasn't charge.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:15

We're gonna make it without going off. I just have to scoot over a little bit. Okay, I'm changing position so I can plug in.

Fun, Dread And Remembering Your Function

SPEAKER_00 1:20:56

So I had a really fun experience yesterday too. I was hanging out around around town, around well, not around town, around down here in Lower Pune, where we have something called Sunday Fun Day.

unknown 1:21:11

Woo!

SPEAKER_00 1:21:12

Yeah, there's some there's there's dancing and a lot of hanging out and this fun times. So I went to the ecstatic dance, which is like in a big greenhouse uh down here. There's probably, I don't know, maybe like a hundred people in there dancing, and I was having quite the experience. Now I kind of like get downloads from time to time, but I'm looking around and I'm noticing, and it happened when a woman was was playing with her kid. There's kids in here too. There's kids in this dance, and she was playing with her kid. You know, she brought him to the dance, she's like holding him and and swinging him around, and I got this sense like, oh my goodness, it's like everyone who doesn't know what our function is here, it looks like it, it's like we're just trying to have whatever fun we can before we die. You know, it almost reminds me of like a leprosy camp. When I saw that movie Molokai, where where they're all they're all lepers, so they go to this leprosy camp, right? And they're like trying to have fun, they're drinking, they're they're whoring, they're doing all this different stuff, right? And they're just trying to have as much fun as they can before the leprosy gets them. Well, you know, even if even if there's no leprosy, it's like it's like there's this sense like everyone's gonna die, you know, and when you're not aware of what your function is, even when you're even you know, you're trying to have fun, there's this sense of like dread. And it just like it just hit me all of a sudden. It was like, wow, this like when you're not aware of your function, when you're aware of your function, then it's different, though. It really becomes a playful game that happy children play because we are collapsing time by doing our function all the time. We're not just looking for how much fun we can have before we die, right? And that's the the way the ego is is really positioning it. It's like, let's just try to just like get as much fun and entertainment in and have as good enough, as good of a life as we can before we pass away. And it was so sweet when I just, you know, it I it's uh it's like I just get this sense this sensation. So I'm going, wow, and I'm enjoying myself. I'm really enjoying myself, and I'm and I'm also noticing this, you know, I can hold the these things together. So then I'm outside after I've had enough dancing, and I'm outside and I'm hanging out, and I'm sweaty as can be. And a friend of mine walks by that I hadn't seen in a while, and he looks kind of bitchy while he's walking by, and I say something to him and I laugh, and he's like, he's like, Oh, is is that what you do? You just laugh about everything, and I go, Well, it is a joke. And he and and then he goes, Do you eat meat? And I'm like, I'm not sure why he's asking me this, but I'm like, Yeah. And he goes, You're selfish. And I'm like, okay.

unknown 1:24:23

All right.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:26

So then that opens up a little bit. Oh, you don't think you are? And I go, Well, you know, it's it's not really like that. Everything's eating everything here, you know. If you you look, they got microscopes now, or they got these tiny cameras that are that have microscopes on them, and they actually put them under the ground where the plants are carnivorous. They're actually they're chasing things in slow motion and eating them. It's like the slow motion thing. I'm like, you're not gonna get away with not killing shit around here. That's just how it is. You're like, you breathe and little microbes die, you walk and you step on all kinds of shit, you kill everything. It's just that's the way it is, okay. So we open up a conversation like that, and uh, and we start talking. He's like, Were you just in the dance? Were you just were you actually just in there? And I go, Yeah, look at me. I'm sweaty as can be. Of course I was in there. And he's like, and you didn't and you didn't notice how fucked up everyone is. I go, look, to me, to me, it's like this, okay? It's like I'm I'm in an insane asylum, and I'm the only one not in insane a lot of the times. Uh, and I fucking love it. I love them. I love the people, right? Uh it's not like I'm looking at them, I go, look, this is the ego that's having you accuse the people as if they should be better. You know, that's the reason why you're walking around like a fucking sour puss all the time is because you're projecting and your projections are not leaving your mind. You're projecting right onto your own mind. You're making yourself upset all the time, right? So he started this, yeah. So we start that we're having this conversation, you know. He's asking me a bunch of questions and stuff, and then and probably talk with, I don't know, maybe like half hour, 45 minutes or something like that. I saw him get all kinds of relief because I'm just so certain, right? I'm just so certain. I'm like, I'm like, no, dude, you're making this up. There is no world. And he's like, you're gonna tell me that this isn't here, right here, right here, like this. And I'm like, I'm telling you that what you're making of it is hurting your mind. I mean, sure. Like, like this is how I started out off the talk earlier. It's not like saying, okay, that that's not grass, that's not a mango tree or whatever. It's fine for the illusion, but it's what you're making of it. It's how you're making it hurt yourself. And so you're walking around. I happen to share the same birthday with this dude. Like we have the same same year, same day, and close to the same location. He's like, How the fuck did you turn out like this? Like, don't we have like the same astrology basically? Like, how did you turn out like this? And I I told him, I go, I go, I be I practice a course in miracles. I'm telling you. Like, I mean, I had some, I had some of that before I practiced a course in miracles, but uh, but uh, but I practice it sincerely, okay, and earnestly. And for many years I practiced it, okay. And then it got to a certain point. It's because he's like, How are you so certain? You know, it's like, yeah, that's that's how. Doing these deep dives and and applying it, also applying it to everything. You can't leave anything out. That's a thing. You apply it to everything, you don't let anyone be your fucking victimizer, right? Just don't let anyone be your victimizer at any time. Don't let anyone don't let anyone leave without your blessing, be blessing everyone all the time, right? And and that does not mean again bypassing. See, so there's definitely there's definitely something that goes on here with the bypassing, and that's what really how I started this talk out. And that and what I'm what I'm getting at is this idea that you are supposed to be so loving, right? This is how the ego talks to you. You are supposed to be so loving that you have to love every single thing, and then the ego is separating out these things and telling you you have to love these things, and this is in an ego way. So the the what the reason, one of the reasons I'm so certain is because I know that I don't have to do it that ego way. It's not like that. I'm I it's not up to me to be so loving, it's up to me to do my function. That's different. That's forgiving, is is actually seeing that any upset feeling I have is coming from me. That's the forgiving, but it's not making it as if, like, you know, one way of saying it, putting lipstick on a pig. Oh, this is so beautiful. No, it's not beautiful, it's not so beautiful that I'm experiencing that there's a consciousness within this dancing that's going on within and a performance in here that and and covering up and wanting to stay asleep, right? And I see people wanting to stay asleep, and that's what this guy's picking up on. It's just that he's getting mad about it, right? He's getting angry about it, he's getting angry at them and projecting onto them. What I'm doing is I'm recognizing the patterning and I'm in forgiveness about it, right? So it's like I'm what for by me perceiving that this is go, this is what's going on. It's basically like a death camp, and everyone's trying to get as much fun as they can before they die, you know, especially when when the woman picked up the little kid, it really like it, it it really like kind of like pulled on my heartstrings, you know. It's like she's having fun and she's showing him that it's okay, it's fun, it's fun to die, right? We're all gonna die. And my husband was telling me that he asked his dad about death, and his dad was like, Oh, yeah, uh nothing wrong with death, it's just the end of life. Like life includes death. See, that's not true, that's a sad, sad way of being, and that's what everyone is trying to do. Like, you know, it's like let's have as much fun as we as we can, or it's let's make as much money as we can. And people are denying the fact that death is on the horizon. And the reason that, you know, the reason that you want to be aware, hey, all of this shit leads to death, so that you're actually using it to serve your function rather than just trying to get all the fun out of it or trying to get all the security out of it so that you can live the last years of your life with enough security, right? And and recognizing that the time is now to serve your function. And your happiness only comes from serving your function. You're really just kidding when you're trying to get all the fun, like let's say in ecstatic dance, right? Like, let's see how much fun I can get out of this. Everything gets old, everything gets boring because nothing here can satisfy you. Okay, so you go a few hours later, then I happen to see this guy again. It's so synchronistic how this happens to you. I happen to see the same guy again, right? And he he comes

Projections, Specialness And Dependency Traps

SPEAKER_00 1:31:50

up and he goes, he goes, Man, I was just telling someone down at the beach how I felt really feminine when I was talking to you earlier, because it seemed like, you know, you just have like all of the all of this information down. It seemed like it was just so so masculine, like like I'm the one just but like in this receptive, I'm receiving this thing, you know. And how I'm talking about, I could see him get all kinds of relief while we're talking, right? And you know, he's he's like he's you know, he's he's kind of like making a making a story about I see that he's making a story about it, and I go, Well, you know, I'm in your per perception. This is all stuff that you know that you're you were keeping hidden from yourself, and you wanted to know it, you wanted it, and you wanted me to give it to you, and then I go, like a big dick, and then and then I laughed, and he's like, How did you know about that? And I'm like, I don't know about it, I'm completely innocent. Shit just comes up and comes out of my mouth. I'm like, you're innocent too. You know, it's like it's like I could see this this game, the game of the to want to make me something, you know, want to make me something, me special. But no, yeah, you know, if you're perceiving me right now talking, it's not because I'm anything that has the truth that you don't have. When you when you get it, when you get the relief and when you experience that you're hearing the truth, that's actually coming from you. You would not be perceiving it like that unless you're projecting it. See, so it's not like I have something that you don't have. It's not like that. It's just that you've been wanting to be asleep, and now there's like some glimmers coming, and that's why I just happened to be orchestrated, happened to be standing there at that time, happened to be kind of like fucking with him. Like, why are you so sour? What the fuck? You know, like and he was really serious too. He's like, he was ready to like rip my head off, you know. And and and when he told me I'm selfish, I'm just like, okay, you know, so then, so then there uh there's an opening. Like he what you know, what he's looking for is some kind of an argument. I'm just like, okay. And then he and then he looked look looked further. He starts going, okay, well, why are you just okay with me calling you selfish too? You know, you just really, you really don't care. It's like it's all really just a joke to you. And I was like, Yes, it is. I promise you, it is a joke, and you will see it as a joke, too. It's a game, you know, and you remember it's a game. What's that?

unknown 1:34:40

Fantasy.

SPEAKER_00 1:34:41

It's fantasy, yes. It's total fantasy. So it's like it's like breaking these fantasies, even that I'm something, you know. I've had someone in the community, there's people from time to time in the community, I'll notice, you know, they're going, who the fuck does she think she is? And what's wrong with all these people? Why do they like her so much? You know, it'll be like that, right? And and and you know, I started talking to someone at one point, and she's like, Yeah, I hear from the community, and you know, I want to tell them that they just really need to calm down about you because people are just like, ah, oh, Hope Johnson. And it's like, Hope Johnson is you, actually. You know, like you're projecting the person that seems to be like even gone ahead of you. That does not mean that you you shouldn't ask when you when you need guidance. That's not saying that it's not saying you shouldn't ask when you need guidance. That's not against the course in miracles to ask when you and you need something. It could be from from a friend, from a stranger, from spouse, from Jesus, right? Jesus talks about like he's kind of like your older brother who has gone further along on the path, but we're all equal, like we're we're of one mind. So it's like when you're ready to see, you can ask someone who seems to be, whether that's Jesus or someone in the field. It might be more personable to you to have someone that maybe you feel like you can't reach Jesus, right? Might be more personable to you to ask someone who's showing up in your field, who seems to have gone ahead of you. And that's kind of like what we're doing here with wisdom dialogues, too. It's like you're you're, you know, you're willing to receive some guidance, but that doesn't mean that the projection still isn't coming from you. You know, don't get confused as if now you're dependent on me, right? Don't get confused about that. You don't need to be dependent on me. It's not like I'm the one. And that was part of the dynamic that I got into this person I was talking about earlier with the manipulation and stuff like that. I allowed him to get dependent on me. You know, I wasn't as aware as I am now about even this dynamic, or I just allowed him to be dependent on me. It was as if I was needed so that he could feel emotionally okay. And I played into that. And I made my own suffering by playing into that. That's how it goes, right? That's how it goes because I played into that. And then even when it seemed like he didn't need he didn't need me for that or didn't want to need me for that, that felt like loss. So whenever we make investments into anything, that's where we're getting, we're ended up ending up feeling like there's loss after the fact. See, so now I don't let people play into that. I don't let people play as if they need me as an emotional crutch, right? As if I'm valuable. See, the ego always wants to be valuable in some way, as if I'm valuable because I could help you stabilize your emotions, right? That's not really what I'm for. You know, that's self-sac that comes through again, self-sacrifice. I don't need to be sacrificing myself so that you can feel better. That's not really helping you, you know, keeping the peace in an ego way, you know, not letting you know, hey, no, I'm not available right now. Right? It's you're you're going through it right now doesn't mean that I need to be on call for this. I'm available when I'm available. I'm available when the Holy Spirit is guiding me to be available, and that's all. So getting no sense that I'm doing any sacrifice for any anyone, because no one really needs me. When you look at it logically, if if perception is projection, then whenever they do see me in their experience, that's when they need it. I don't need to try to interject anywhere, I don't need to try to keep people in a comfortable place. It's okay if they go through uncomfort. And with this person, it was like, oh, he really needs me to, and it really helps him when I'm around. And you know, this is kind of like the way I was taught too as a Christian missionary. I mean, one of the things I was taught as a Christian missionary is if they want to have sex with you and you don't have sex with them, that's mean. That's being ungodly, actually. So it's like, you know, you would be like a 12 or 13-year-old. Well, it was like once you're 12, you're considered an adult. You'd be like a 12 or 13-year-old kid and some dude that, you know, you're not attracted to them. Maybe you like sex because, you know, by that time we've been trained in sex. We've been trained since we were kids to have sex with each other. We had comic books on it and everything like that. So I liked sex from the time I was six. I thought it felt great, but I liked kids. I didn't like adults, you know, adults had a different smell and vibe and everything that was just like, ew, right? But the idea was that if you didn't, when someone asked and you didn't give the sex, that you were out of the spirit. That was the terms used, yeah, out of the spirit. It was okay if you didn't, but you know, Jesus was gonna punish you later. Like Jesus is any kind of that kind of way, right? Of course not. Of course not. That was one thing that the guy was asking me too that I was talking to. He goes, Did you just have a very nourishing and pleasant childhood? I go, you know, you would probably say that it was an extremely abusive childhood if you saw my childhood. And then he starts getting angry again. It's I'm like, it's okay. He's like, No, I really care. And I go, Well, you know, this is empathy. You're this is empathy that you're that you're having right now. Nothing wrong with that, but the ego uses empathy. The Holy Spirit can also use empathy, the Holy Spirit can use it to bring you to compassion. What is compassion? It's allowing compassion for yourself. This is an opportunity, it's a call for compassion for yourself. You're feeling upset because you're hearing. I didn't even tell them any specifics. If you're feeling upset because you're hearing this, that's a call for compassion to yourself, for yourself. You allow that to be received. Nothing is nothing has gone wrong. It's like the the trajectory that I did as a even as a child, it's perfect for everyone. You know what? I had the opportunity because I could do it. I could forgive in a very real way, not in a worldly way. I could forgive what I thought they did, they did not do. These are confused children. This is a call for love, right? It's not a it's not something that we need to project like that should go, should have gotten differently. It actually didn't happen. And from right now, where I'm recalling it, okay, remembering, remembering is what it's recalling from something from the past and bringing it into the present. Why am I bringing it to the into the present right now? Because it has a teaching function, right? That's the only reason I would want to bring it into the present. I don't want to bring it into the present for self-attack. That's not a good reason, right? So if you're hearing me say something like this right now and you're getting this empathy thing, and maybe you're feeling upset or something like that, that's a call for compassion for yourself. And that's actually what collapses these patterns and actually stops these kind of things from happening. It's the projecting it forward, the feeling bad, the projecting again. Oh, the world just keeps on getting shittier and shittier to me because I keep on projecting. That's the reason why these things keep on occurring too. They recur because we're projecting them. We're projecting more lifetimes where more children can apparently be abused, unless we will use the abusive situation and use it for healing, right? So one thing that I learned, like as a Christian missionary, was you'll never get any kind of circumstance that you can't handle. And you know, there's there's gems in there. That's amazing. It's like, yes, of course I can handle whatever it is that comes up because look at what it's for. It's for bringing it to forgiveness, it's for seeing things differently, it's for collapsing patterns for the world. Even as a child, I have had a very strong constitution. A lot more shit happened to me than all my younger brothers and sisters. It actually seemed like I was the oldest of six in my household. It actually seemed like I would get the brunt of everything so that they could be a little safer in the in the dream, right? A little safer in the dream because with my strong constitution, I was able to handle that kind of stuff without breaking. Everyone who goes through anything they go through, they are strong enough to handle it. They just are not are not wanting to know that. They're wanting to stay in victimhood. I wanted to stay in victimhood for a while too. I was projecting all kinds of murderous thoughts and being in victimhood about it and telling a boo-hoo victim story. Whenever it would come up, it would be like, you know, something where it would just bring the whole room down, right? It was there would not be like a like a story of glory. For now, now any of those stories, anything that occurred in my apparent past, it's like a story of glory because it ends in victim, it ends in victory. See? Because no one was wrong, no one's done anything wrong. They're all children. It's all children playing. But, anyways, okay, so the the thought that I had to, this is the way I've been I've been conditioned. So you can see the conditioning, that's the reason I brought it up. That you know, it was like if I if I was asked by an adult, whatever, they wanted to have sex with me, the way they would say it was so sweet too, would you share with me? Right? It was really sweet. Would you share with me? Right? And it's like, of course, the answer needs to be yes, or else you're out of the spirit, right? So with that kind of conditioning, it's it's like transfers over. It didn't transfer over when I was an adult that it would be mean if I didn't have sex with people, you know, it'd be like, no, I'm not having sex with everyone. Otherwise, man, I'm gonna be having sex with everyone, you know, this would be a lot, a lot of sex going on. But but it did transfer over more subtly to other dynamics, just like what I'm talking about where someone's going, I need you. I need you for my emotional well-being, right? And and then also feeling needed, you know, the idea of feeling needed and feeling like, you know, we have this program survival, like if we're needed in the world, if we're needed by people, then we'll be surviving. Okay. So there was that kind of play going on too, which is how I got into that dynamic. I was already very advanced to where I couldn't get into a lot of dynamics. I couldn't get into even, you know, a sense of suffering or anything like that. I was like immune from all this stuff for for a while, for some years. And so when this came up, it was very different. It was a very different dynamic, but I knew that it was unearthing something deeper that needed to be seen. And will I go into another? It won't be the same kind of dynamic again because the time has been collapsed on that dynamic. That dynamic cannot project again. Okay, that's what collapsing time is about, and that's why Jesus is talking about these circular miracles versus miracles that collapse time. This is in chapter two of a course in miracles. And if you want to really get it, you can go back to my recordings where I was going through chapter two, okay, because people read this and do not get it. I didn't really get it like I got it until I did a deep dive on it, okay? But this is the difference between just getting some comfort, the miracle that just brings you some comfort in the moment, which this is good. It's good to get some comfort in the moment, and actually having it collapse the entire pattern. So now this pattern can't be a thing for me because I'll see it coming from a mile away, right? Someone wants to wants to manipulate me into believing that I'm important, that I'm special because I'm more advanced. So therefore they need me. And then I get into feeling needed, and then we end up manipulating. That's not gonna happen again, right? That that time, the time for that is collapsed. It's not gonna project again. It would have projected more if I didn't see it all the way through, and I only just got relief, the kind of forgiveness that goes, okay, what I thought happened didn't happen, but I don't actually see the pattern and collapse that pattern within myself, you know, knowing that my play in that pattern also. How was I manipulative? Because I always have a play in it. If I'm any kind of a victim, then it's repeating. And what people are doing is being a victim to their patterns and having them repeat again and again. They're getting a surface level kind of healing, which you know, Jesus definitely stressed, he wants you to have that kind of healing, of course, because you're getting some release. But but ultimately, what your function is is to collapse it completely, to actually see the pattern underneath it and not play that pattern anymore.

Collapsing Patterns Instead Of Comforting Them

SPEAKER_00 1:48:47

Okay. Okay, good, everyone's good. All right, perfect. Yeah. So you can kind of see how we're getting to this childlike, happy game way of relating with each other. Right? And and we don't have to force anyone else to play the game with me, with us. It's like like in my case with my friend who's not talking to me like right now, I don't get a sense that I want him specifically to play the game with me. I don't have a want like that, right? I'm playing the game in that way. I'm happy about it. I'm happy about whatever is going on. I'm not projecting like he's doing something to me, but I'm aware of the dynamic and I'm and I'm vocal about the dynamic because I know that this is a common. dynamic that people are playing. And as we're as we're willing to see it like this, we're going to have the playmates. You know, it's like I'm just I'm not being orchestrated with someone who wants to play in that way anymore. That's all. I'm not being orchestrated with someone who wants to play in that way. And that's the way he wants to play right now. That's every eye will see. So whether it's in this lifetime, I'm not I'm not tied to it needs to be in this lifetime. I need to see the results of it. It's just that I know that I'm going to be relating with people in a more playful loving way going forward. And even if they do come with I'm not going to be like don't manipulate me or something like that. Or you're manipulative or something like that. It's like, oh, there's manipulation what fun. Right? I don't have to get manipulative myself. And it would be manipulative myself to make him out to again be wrong for it. He's not wrong for it.

Forgiveness With Firm, Simple No

SPEAKER_00 1:51:05

You know, like with my stepdad I went through years of uh of uh sexual molestation with my step with my stepdad right and when I had forgiveness with it it's not like I forgive him it's not like that there's no him to forgive when I had forgiveness with it what I thought happened didn't happen basically I'm seeing that this is a call for love this is a hurt person right and my stepdad goes hope I'm sorry he I didn't talk to him for 27 years because I needed space right I needed some space about this didn't talk to him for 27 years and then my mom's having a party and she's like she's like are you okay if he shows up there I had told him I told my mom that uh you know I'm I'm I'm great with it. I I feel complete forgiveness with all of it. Are you okay if he shows up at the party? I go totally okay if he shows up I love it if he shows up at the party and he came up to me right away and he's like hope I am so sorry I I I I'm so sorry about all that stuff. And I and you know I hugged him and I looked at him and I go you know what you actually didn't do anything wrong. You really didn't do anything wrong. And he's kind of like shocked you know and and uh and and and I'm going and I'm I'm going it was just pain arising you know it's not personal it was pain arising I see that it was pain it's okay so he goes I don't understand what you're saying but thank you you know thank you so much because then there's like no weird vibes it's just like 27 years went by and now we're just hanging out and and we're at a party and we're having a great time so so we go to a wedding the next day it's my brother's wedding and he gets kind of drunk right so he gets attracted to me when he's drunk and he actually puts his arm around me and he starts introducing me to people as his girlfriend right I don't get pissed about this I'm still I'm this the forgiveness didn't change the forgiveness didn't change I don't feel pissed about at all it's the same. He's still asking for love. He's still calling for love. I'm just laughing about it. You know normally a person would be oh my God this is the guy who molested you for five years and now he's saying you're his girlfriend at a party when you're an adult when you're like in your 40s right and so and so I'm just looking at and I you know that's how forgiveness is it's like when forgiveness is like that it's like I don't I don't even feel to tell him hey don't do that. It's just that I don't play into it. You know I don't play into it. It's not like he's gonna get any kind of action with me if he tries to put his hand somewhere that's not happening right uh had my uncle too he was in his 80s he starts hugging me and his hands start going south right and and and and I'm like hey no you know I I'm all open I'm giving hugs and kisses and stuff I'm all open hey no no no no don't give me that pervy shit right like that and he gets all guilty right all of a sudden because he is not used to anyone saying anything because in my family the chicks are taught to be quiet about this stuff do not make waves right so he's like he's like going oh my goodness I'm a terrible person I was like you're not a terrible person it is not like that it is not like that at all it's just you know you're putting your hands on me and I'm going I don't want that that's all it's not that you're a terrible person. He's like well I saw naked pictures of you my your mom showed you me naked pictures of you I sent my mom naked pictures you know and then and then apparently she put it on her rotation that goes through on her computer it's like a huge I didn't realize she was doing that with it. My uncle sees it and he just just assumes that I'm open for some sex right he's in his 80s right and I go man you need to go over to the nude beach or something and he's like he's like why then it won't be a mystery I'm like exactly that's the thing it won't be a mystery then you can see it's not really a big deal that that there's naked bodies they're beautiful it doesn't mean you need to be fingering them so it's like it it's like the whole thing smooths out but I notice with my little sister he does the same kind of thing with my little sister and my little sister kind of like plays into it and also says she doesn't like it in private. See so it's like so it's like bringing it to the surface it also shows my little sister hey you don't have to scooch into that move into that stuff you can go you can be in forgiveness and go hey don't fucking perv on me I don't want to be perved on right now but it's not like it's still not making the person guilty. The person is innocent they're acting from their the their what they think they are let's say I was going to say level of consciousness but it's really what they believe they are what they believe this is this is how this is how they're acting and you know this is like this is this is how it looks like when you have compassion you can say no very firmly and also not make the person wrong for

Resources, Donations And Community Updates

SPEAKER_00 1:56:33

it. So hooray everyone I love you thank you for joining yeah I'll be back tomorrow I'm gonna do I'm gonna be doing a lesson tomorrow I forgot what lesson it is right now but I know it's gonna be awesome because they always are it'll be one lesson from a course in miracles that I'll go over for an hour and a half it'll be one to 230 Hawaii time tomorrow I'll be going live again I will not be on Zoom. This one doesn't get picked up on Zoom it's just complicated that's why I'm not doing it on Zoom. We will be able to do it on Facebook and Substack that's where I'll be broadcasting. Also on Facebook my lives are staying on Facebook on the live page so if you go to my homepage where it where it's Hope Ikea Johnson Facebook Hope Johnson you just put forward slash live and you'll be able to access my live videos immediately you won't have to wait for me to post okay also again hopejohnson.org where all my stuff is being posted you can find lots of free resources there. You can also find my book I talked about parenting today I wrote a book on it it's called Unschooling for Parents you do not need to be a parent to enjoy this book I've told people that and they don't believe me and then they get it and they're like fuck I really and this really applies to me and I'm not even a parent yes because you know you're apparently a child and have a parent okay Ekai I got a couple comments here love you thank you for sharing these amazing wisdom dialogues with us June just came to visit and and and he said thank you and Tony for all the Miracle Botanicals oils yes miraclebotanicals.com that's the company I founded now my husband Tony runs the company so you can check that out also he supports Hope Johnson he's here today he donates to me and so when you support Miracle Botanicals you're also supporting Hope Johnson and Miracle Botanicals has the best essential oils in the world he does not compromise on quality I founded it based on having really good quality essential oils he still does that also I'm I'm funded completely by donations this is my lifestyle I'm just where the Holy Spirit tells me to be and I'm doing these wisdom talks I'm doing a lot of writing spend all my time just listening and sharing and being in the joy and uh if you want to support wisdom dialogue support hope johnson you can go to my website hopejohnson.org there's a donate tab there you can sign up for monthly donations I think the minimum you could do is $10. If you don't want to do it that way you can contact me I could do it directly on Stripe it's really easy and then also I accept all kinds of donations like right now I could use a cleaner floor than I have right now someone wants to clean my floor I don't know drinks I I like I like fruit like fresh fruit juices coconut water foods whatever booch yeah kombucha yes not alcohol usually but you know I'll always take it someone asked me if I wanted some weed and I'm like I'm not smoking weed like on a regular it's not like I I won't I won't have some puffs when my friends have it but yeah if friends come over and they want weed I have weed that's fine okay here's another one Amy I have a question and would love some perspective my oldest son decided to stop talking to

Listener Question: Peace When A Child Leaves

SPEAKER_00 2:00:07

me. Hooray yay I love that that's so fun it's perfect there was no conversation no explanation and then he and his wife moved to another city part of me wants to feel offended hurt and rejected another part of me genuinely feels at peace and doesn't feel the need to chase an answer. What confuses me is that the peace is that the peace makes me wonder if something is wrong with me. That's the ego and listen if you weren't here for the whole talk today go back and listen because this whole talk is about this there's never anything wrong with the way things are going. Shouldn't I care more? That's the ego okay no it's because it's going perfectly shouldn't I be more upset? No, because it's going perfectly it's good. You know what you're you're just allowing him to express himself in the way he needs to express himself right now. And you're allowing yourself to also see that you have the peace of God no matter who decides to talk to you or not talk to you. This is bullshit story that our kids always need to be loving to us. You know you come to the peace of God within yourself and your son is going to come around whether it's this lifetime for me I've seen it happen very quickly but I'm also totally detached to letting my son have a whole rest of the lifetime not talking to me. See no you don't need to be upset. From the perspective of a course in miracles where does forgiveness come into this situation the forgiveness comes into the situation that like this it's always perfect love. Whatever he does is perfect for for me I trust my son who is one with me to do exactly what needs to be done to help awaken the mind okay is forgiveness about releasing the need to understand why yes the why is that it's perfect. It's a hundred percent helpful a hundred percent of the time that is why that's the why you can have okay because there really is a purpose the Holy Spirit can use everything as the means for awakening it's all chaos and doesn't matter and it's meaningless and it's awesome because the Holy Spirit can use it as a means for awakening your mind okay and basically what are you awakening to you're awakening to the fact that you are actually awake and you don't want to pretend to be asleep anymore. Okay how do you distinguish between true peace peace and emotional avoidance well if there's emotional avoidance something's building up inside your energy field you're not actually bringing thoughts to the truth you're saying I'm okay I'm okay I'm okay that's emotional avoidance if you don't feel okay okay feel that feeling let that feeling come up to the surface let yourself have the feeling effect of believing something against yourself okay bring all the thoughts to the truth like I've been giving you examples I trust my son who is one with me okay I trust him to give me exactly what I need that's how you come to peace if there is any upset feelings. If there are upset feelings they'll probably come and go you're saying you feel a lot of peace so you're gonna notice upset feelings come and go. That's okay. Let them come when they come and you feel it and notice the thoughts that are behind that. Ask to see it differently bring them to the truth you're just asking help me see it differently is good enough. I'm giving you some other thoughts too like I trust my son who is one with me. That works beautifully also show me how to help heal his heart I'll give you a clue it has something to do with your own acceptance of the peace of God. Okay I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences yes okay I'm glad I got to share that with you look back on the video if you weren't here because I was talking about this actually bringing up bringing up kids stuff like this in this particular talk. Okay I love you Constance thank you hooray Cora thank you thank you so much I love you okay awesome yes okay you got it okay good and you will look back yes I actually was talking about this earlier so it's perfect thank you I'm just checking you guys with your comments on Facebook and Substack looks like you guys are all doing awesome okay until tomorrow at one p.mai mahalo aloha and a hooe hoo