True North with Abby & Ryan

Confidence Is...

March 19, 2021 Abby & Ryan Season 1 Episode 57
True North with Abby & Ryan
Confidence Is...
Show Notes

We talk about confidence, what it is, and what it's not. And surprise surprise, we don't exactly see eye to eye on the specifics. And that's part of what makes this thing magical.


  • Ryan: Confidence is owning what you are, and not needing to be what you aren't.
  • Abby: Confidence has both positive and negative expressions: negative confidence is a mask you wear to cover up a lack of self worth; positive confidence comes from true self worth, wherein you wholeheartedly love and trust yourself and how you show up.

Confidence Is...

  • ...something you learn in waves.
  • ...releasing the illusion of control over other people.
  • ...being comfortable with your limitations (being able to say "I can't do that" without feeling less-than).
  • ...taking comparison out of the equation.
  • ...setting boundaries and saying "no" without feeling the need to apologize, explain, make excuses, or lie.
  • ...trusting yourself.
  • ...apologizing without self-loathing, expecting the other person to babysit your emotions and coddle your ego, or requiring them to accept your apology and immediately move past their pain.
  • ...accepting an apology without
  • ...being able to fail an attempt or lose a competition without feeling like you've lost something and need to redeem yourself.
  • ...not having anything to prove.
  • ...not needing others to validate your interiors.
  • ...not needing to defend yourself.
  • ...a prerequisite for humility (according to Ryan. Abby has thoughts. Stay tuned!)

Arrogance is...

  • ...mimicking true confidence to cover insecurity (spoiler alert: everyone sees right through that shit).
  • ...posturing to mask lack of feeling self worth (spoiler alert: see previous spoiler alert).


  1. Manifesting and Divination aren't as scary or weird as people think they are.
  2. Ryan says "DO consider how your words/actions affect their experience; DON'T fear their potential reaction." Abby both agrees and disagrees with this.
  3. Wanting growth for the people you love can be as destructive as constructive. Let them grow; don't try to make them grow. And also let them not grow.
  4. Intent vs. Impact - COVID19 Edition. Every decision you make impacts everyone else, all the time - not just during a pandemic.


  • Abby is grateful that Gov. Abbott lifted the Covid restrictions in Texas.
  • Ryan is grateful that the Snyder Cut finally came out.

1:23 - Distraction 1
8:50 - CONFIDENCE! Defining our terms.
12:07 - Distraction 2
18:25 - Distraction 3
22:22 - Confidence is surrendering control
22:35 - Confidence is not having anything to prove
23:39 - Arrogance
25:12 - Confidence is being comfortable with your limits
26:39 - Confidence is lack of comparison
27:18 - Confidence is saying "no"
32:44 - Confidence is not needing validation from others
35:52 - Confidence is not needing to defend yourself
40:22 - Confidence is trusting yourself
41:46 - Distraction 4
50:44 - Confidence is apologies without bullshit
1:00:36 - Confidence and humility