True North with Abby & Ryan
Abby & Ryan Resist Change
April 23, 2021
Abby & Ryan
“Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.”
- Tony Robbins (probably)
WHY DO WE RESIST CHANGE??
- LOSS. There's a loss, which means pain. Even if there's a gain, it's unknown; the loss is always known. Known is more comfortable than unknown.
- ANTICIPATION & PREDICTABILITY. A 2016 study showed that "knowing that there is a small chance of getting a painful electric shock can lead to significantly more stress than knowing that you will definitely be shocked." (https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/03/160329101037.htm)
- CONTROL. Intentionally maintaining a painful circumstance gives a sense of control, whereas moving into the unknown is a loss of your sense of control. Feeling out of control is often more uncomfortable than the pain of the present moment.
- ATTACHMENT TO OUTCOMES. A change threatens the possibility of arriving at a specific future you want to reach.
- SURRENDER. Know what you can't control, and stop trying to control it.
- PRESENCE. Get out of the past and future, and come back to now.
- SELF ACCEPTANCE. Disengage from stories about how circumstances (preferable or painful, real or imaginary) affect your value or identity.
“We are often more threatened by the possibility of a relationship with others changing than the possibility of the relationship with ourselves staying the same.”
- Vienna Pharaon
THE CHANGE CYCLE:
- Dissolution - change happens, the status becomes not-quo, and suffering takes hold.
- Adjustment - you formulate a plan to adjust to the new thing.
- Integration - Your new plan becomes a new way of life.
- Maintenance - The new status becomes quo. I realize I'm using that phrase horribly.
*** Moving from 4 to 1 feels like three steps back, but it's really one step forward. It's the Change Cycle, not the Change Unidirectional Linear Progression ***
THE BECKARD-HARRIS CHANGE EQUATION: D x V + F > R
- D = Dissatisfaction with the present circumstance
- V = Vision for what the future could be
- F = First Steps (putting on your shoes and getting to the running trail)
- R = Resistance to change
- Ryan is grateful for his dad.
- Abby is grateful for her clients who are really doing the work.
19:43 - The Change Cycle
31:32 - Alexander John Shaia - The four gospels and the cycle of change: https://amzn.to/3tYS1Gt
1:00:12 - The Beckard-Harris Change Equation
WHAT OUR TRIBE IS UP TO: