WEBVTT 00:00:04.719 --> 00:00:07.120 Welcome to the MetaCurch Podcast. 00:00:07.280 --> 00:00:08.240 My name's Clayton. 00:00:08.320 --> 00:00:10.400 I'm the pastor here at MetaCurch. 00:00:10.480 --> 00:00:18.079 And my hope is that today's podcast finds you at the perfect time in your life that God uses it to inspire and enlighten you. 00:00:18.239 --> 00:00:20.719 I hope that you enjoy today's message. 00:00:24.559 --> 00:00:26.160 If you're new with us, my name's Clayton. 00:00:26.239 --> 00:00:27.839 I'm the lead pastor here at Meta. 00:00:28.079 --> 00:00:30.480 I want to welcome you into a brand new series. 00:00:30.559 --> 00:00:31.760 We are in week one. 00:00:31.920 --> 00:00:39.039 Over the next five weeks, we're going to talk about dating, marriage, hookup culture, parenting, and so, so much more. 00:00:39.280 --> 00:00:49.280 However, before we get into all of the details around these topics, I want to start today by building a framework that I think will lead us through the rest of this series. 00:00:49.439 --> 00:00:51.679 And I know that some of you arrived late. 00:00:51.759 --> 00:00:54.799 I'm going to give one final warning. 00:00:55.280 --> 00:01:00.880 This series and this sermon specifically, we have rated PG12. 00:01:01.119 --> 00:01:03.600 This is what I think, and this is how I preach. 00:01:03.759 --> 00:01:09.599 There are serious topics surrounding culture, and we cannot go around them. 00:01:09.760 --> 00:01:11.920 We have to address them directly. 00:01:12.079 --> 00:01:16.400 And so we are going to be talking a lot about sex, a lot about relationships. 00:01:16.560 --> 00:01:24.959 If you don't want to be sitting next to your seven-year-old during that, you can check them into Medikids where they will have an amazing time and have age-appropriate context. 00:01:25.120 --> 00:01:26.640 I'm going to pray in just a minute. 00:01:26.799 --> 00:01:29.680 That'd be a great time for you to get up and go check your kids in. 00:01:29.840 --> 00:01:33.599 Our first message in our Love Up series is framing up. 00:01:34.000 --> 00:01:34.879 Framing up. 00:01:34.959 --> 00:01:35.920 Would you pray with me? 00:01:36.159 --> 00:01:40.799 God, we love you and we look forward to diving into a difficult topic today. 00:01:41.040 --> 00:01:47.519 I thank you for MetaCurch, a place for all people from all backgrounds, all different walks in their spiritual journey. 00:01:47.760 --> 00:01:51.599 Thank you for a place where we can come and belong and be loved. 00:01:51.760 --> 00:02:03.280 And God, I ask that we would be humble enough to lay down our own ideas and to allow you to show us something new, to challenge us, maybe even to convict us and lead us to change. 00:02:03.359 --> 00:02:03.840 We love you. 00:02:04.000 --> 00:02:05.599 We pray these things in Jesus' name. 00:02:05.680 --> 00:02:08.400 And if you're ready to learn how to love up, say amen. 00:02:08.639 --> 00:02:09.199 Amen. 00:02:09.360 --> 00:02:16.400 Now, I'm gonna probably say this several times throughout this series because we are going to be addressing some topics that are pervasive in our culture. 00:02:16.479 --> 00:02:32.960 And because they are pervasive in our culture, what that means is that many, many of us in this room and watching online throughout this series are going to be wrestling through some of these very things, maybe have given in to some of these things, which means it's going to be challenging and it's going to be convicting. 00:02:33.120 --> 00:02:38.159 And here's why MetaCurch really matters, because a lot of us grew up in church, and some of us didn't. 00:02:38.400 --> 00:02:39.280 That's beautiful too. 00:02:39.360 --> 00:02:47.759 But many of us grew up in church settings that were highly judgmental, and it always felt like the preacher was kind of Jesus 2.0. 00:02:47.919 --> 00:02:54.800 They had it all figured out, and they were there to point fingers at you, judge you, and tell you just how mad God was at you. 00:02:54.879 --> 00:02:57.599 And at Metachurch, that is not what we're doing. 00:02:57.759 --> 00:03:01.120 We are learning together, we're striving towards something together. 00:03:01.360 --> 00:03:04.400 We believe that God created all of us on purpose. 00:03:04.560 --> 00:03:07.919 It matters that we're on earth, and he created us with purpose. 00:03:08.080 --> 00:03:12.080 He wants to use our lives to do something significant. 00:03:12.240 --> 00:03:17.439 And so, God is not a God of guilt, but he is a God of conviction. 00:03:17.680 --> 00:03:22.479 Guilt spirals you into more of the same activities that are causing your guilt. 00:03:22.719 --> 00:03:28.960 Conviction is a call to turn face and make real changes towards the life that God has called you to. 00:03:29.120 --> 00:03:36.240 I was always uncomfortable in church when the pastor would say, God hates sin, but not the sinner. 00:03:36.400 --> 00:03:44.400 And it was like, well, if he doesn't hate the sinner, you're spending a lot of time telling me how mad he is at me, the sinner, you know? 00:03:44.639 --> 00:03:48.319 And it was difficult, took a long time for me to actually understand what that means. 00:03:48.479 --> 00:03:51.039 There is a reason that God hates sin. 00:03:51.199 --> 00:03:53.280 God is holy and separate from sin. 00:03:53.520 --> 00:03:58.879 But God hates sin because God loves you. 00:03:59.039 --> 00:04:03.360 And sin destroys our life and distorts our purpose. 00:04:03.680 --> 00:04:08.560 It funnels us into avenues in this life that we were not meant to walk. 00:04:08.719 --> 00:04:11.680 And so God allows sin to have consequence. 00:04:11.840 --> 00:04:19.279 And a lot of what we're gonna talk about with sex and relationships has some of the biggest consequences you can attain in life. 00:04:19.439 --> 00:04:20.879 So, what is consequence? 00:04:21.120 --> 00:04:25.360 The world will tell you consequence is a hateful God gleefully striking you down. 00:04:25.519 --> 00:04:38.240 The truth is, consequence is the natural outcome of us living our life apart from God, and it is used by God as a warning symbol to turn around and live the life we were created to live. 00:04:38.399 --> 00:04:48.480 And I want you to imagine if you had a friend who was sprinting towards a cliff that they didn't know was coming, what wouldn't you do to stop them? 00:04:48.720 --> 00:04:53.839 You would yell, you'd scream, you would light a flare, and if nothing else worked, you would tackle them to the ground. 00:04:54.000 --> 00:04:59.199 You would allow them to experience a little bit of pain to keep them from experiencing massive amounts of pain. 00:04:59.279 --> 00:05:00.319 That is what conviction is. 00:05:00.480 --> 00:05:12.399 And so as we enter into this, we're gonna be direct, we're gonna be unapologetic about what we believe, but we are going to clothe this conversation in a garment of grace as we move forward. 00:05:12.560 --> 00:05:28.959 And just know that wherever we go and wherever God leads us in this series, he cares about you, he loves you, and he is wanting a movement of people who will live up past and love up past the standards of this culture to the life he actually created us to live. 00:05:29.199 --> 00:05:30.959 What we're gonna do is set a framework. 00:05:31.040 --> 00:05:34.160 I'm gonna ask you to use your imagination a little bit today. 00:05:34.240 --> 00:05:36.959 And the older we get, the less we tend to use our imagination. 00:05:37.040 --> 00:05:41.439 But when you were five years old, you could create an entire universe just with your mind. 00:05:41.519 --> 00:05:47.040 And we're really gonna look at a large scope of history today, and I want us to try and plug ourselves in. 00:05:47.199 --> 00:05:54.000 The first framework we're gonna look at is gonna be the easiest, and that is our current framework for sex and relationships. 00:05:54.160 --> 00:05:59.199 A sermon like this and a series like this 30 years ago would have looked really, really different. 00:05:59.439 --> 00:06:00.240 Here's why. 00:06:00.480 --> 00:06:11.040 Because for hundreds of years, Western society where we live has been progressing towards more and more sexual and relational liberation. 00:06:11.519 --> 00:06:13.519 And so this is kind of how it breaks down. 00:06:13.680 --> 00:06:17.759 And you may have noticed this in your own family, in the your own generations. 00:06:18.079 --> 00:06:31.839 In the 1920s, there were a bunch of 20-year-olds who were swing dancing, and there were a bunch of 60-year-olds who saw them swing dancing and were just absolutely concerned that everyone was going to hell because they were dancing together. 00:06:32.079 --> 00:06:42.560 The 20-year-olds who were swing dancing 40 years later were the 60-year-olds who thought that everyone was going to hell because of Elvis and his demon hips, right? 00:06:42.720 --> 00:06:46.639 The 20-year-olds who were the ones living in sin are now the 60-year-olds judging. 00:06:46.800 --> 00:06:57.839 The 20-year-olds who were there at Elvis' concerts, 40 years after that, were the 60-year-olds watching the NFL halftime show with Janet Jackson, knowing the whole world is going to hell, right? 00:06:57.920 --> 00:07:01.920 So it just progresses and progresses along those lines. 00:07:02.959 --> 00:07:06.399 And so everyone thinks that where they're living is unique. 00:07:06.720 --> 00:07:08.240 And it has its unique challenges. 00:07:08.319 --> 00:07:13.600 And we say things like, I'm just so worried about the world that my kids or my grandkids are gonna grow up in. 00:07:14.000 --> 00:07:17.040 And yet, something has changed. 00:07:17.279 --> 00:07:28.720 And even credible historians have seen in the last 10 to 20 years that the sexual revolution towards liberation is speeding up exponentially. 00:07:29.040 --> 00:07:30.480 And there's a reason for that. 00:07:30.720 --> 00:07:36.480 The reason is that for the few hundred years before that, as a culture, we had some norms. 00:07:36.720 --> 00:07:40.240 We had a worldview norm, which was a Christian worldview. 00:07:40.399 --> 00:07:48.480 If you were here last week on July 4th weekend, we talked about how it's not actually accurate that America was founded as a Christian nation. 00:07:48.639 --> 00:07:54.800 However, it's absolutely accurate that America has had a Judeo-Christian worldview. 00:07:54.959 --> 00:07:58.399 That is indisputable, and that was the worldview norm. 00:07:58.639 --> 00:08:07.279 We also had a bedrock institutional norm, which was marriage, specifically faithful, monogamous marriage. 00:08:07.600 --> 00:08:14.240 Over time, both of those norms came to be seen as oppressive and regressive. 00:08:14.319 --> 00:08:15.279 And here's why. 00:08:15.439 --> 00:08:19.199 Because we are a culture of rights and individualism. 00:08:19.439 --> 00:08:21.360 We love our rights. 00:08:21.519 --> 00:08:27.199 And so the church and marriage, what those bring into our life are responsibilities. 00:08:27.360 --> 00:08:31.360 And here's the lie that culture has fed us, and we have bought. 00:08:31.519 --> 00:08:34.639 And you should really think about this in a lot of areas of life. 00:08:34.879 --> 00:08:41.279 We have bought the lie that responsibilities are an impediment to our rights. 00:08:41.600 --> 00:08:52.000 And so anything that brings responsibility into our life keeps us from being able to fully live and fully express our individual rights and freedoms. 00:08:52.159 --> 00:08:56.639 And so, for a couple of hundred years, people were sexually promiscuous. 00:08:56.720 --> 00:08:59.600 They have been, since human beings have been on planet Earth. 00:08:59.679 --> 00:09:16.159 However, it was seen as countercultural to have sex before marriage, sex outside of marriage, sex with multiple, multiple partners, things like pornography and strip joints, gentlemen's clubs, those were all seen as taboo. 00:09:16.320 --> 00:09:18.879 They were counter-culture, they weren't talked about. 00:09:18.960 --> 00:09:21.039 And it wasn't something that you were proud of. 00:09:21.279 --> 00:09:28.399 It existed, but it had to work around the norms, the church and marriage. 00:09:28.639 --> 00:09:34.399 What has changed and why things are speeding up so quickly is because the norms have now switched. 00:09:34.559 --> 00:09:40.559 And what used to be counter-cultural sexual promiscuity has now become mainstreamed. 00:09:40.799 --> 00:09:48.080 For the first time in our modern world, we are a sex positive culture. 00:09:48.240 --> 00:09:56.639 And what that has become to mean is that we put no taboos, no constraints, no limits on sexual activity. 00:09:57.039 --> 00:10:04.480 Because the church and marriage have been seen as these great oppressors to our freedoms, our rights, our individualism, our liberty. 00:10:04.639 --> 00:10:08.080 They have been railed against for a couple hundred years. 00:10:08.240 --> 00:10:15.200 And over time, about 10 to 20 years ago, the church and marriage lost. 00:10:16.639 --> 00:10:25.200 We're living in a post-church country, a post-Christian, and we are moving rapidly to a post-marriage country. 00:10:25.440 --> 00:10:29.360 People are not getting married or starting families. 00:10:29.679 --> 00:10:30.799 This is new. 00:10:30.960 --> 00:10:33.440 And so the revolution has picked up. 00:10:33.600 --> 00:10:38.240 And hooking up before or outside of marriage is no longer seen as taboo. 00:10:38.399 --> 00:10:40.000 It's no longer counter-culture. 00:10:40.080 --> 00:10:41.840 It now is the culture. 00:10:42.000 --> 00:10:44.559 It has been mainstreamed. 00:10:44.799 --> 00:10:50.159 We've always known that sex sells, you know, and so sex has always been a part of advertising, but it kind of had some limits, right? 00:10:50.320 --> 00:11:01.519 If you were gonna buy a sports car, you knew that in the advertisement there was probably a scantily clad woman, but now you can't buy anything without there being sex in the advertisement. 00:11:01.679 --> 00:11:03.039 Try to buy a toaster. 00:11:03.120 --> 00:11:05.360 They're like, Do you like your waffle so hot? 00:11:05.440 --> 00:11:08.240 It's like, bro, can I just buy a toaster? 00:11:09.519 --> 00:11:10.799 It's everywhere. 00:11:10.960 --> 00:11:12.879 It's so pervasive. 00:11:13.039 --> 00:11:14.559 You can't get away from it. 00:11:14.720 --> 00:11:18.960 It used to be like you could find some really sexually explicit songs. 00:11:19.200 --> 00:11:25.919 Now, turn on the radio and pay attention and see if you can find a non-sexually explicit song. 00:11:26.240 --> 00:11:31.679 It used to be like an R-rated movie might have a sex scene, and if it did, it was a big deal. 00:11:32.320 --> 00:11:35.840 Now try to find a mainstream movie without one. 00:11:36.480 --> 00:11:44.639 It is now the norm, and the church and marriage have been moved to the countercultural position. 00:11:45.519 --> 00:11:47.440 It's changing, and our behavior hasn't changed. 00:11:47.519 --> 00:11:52.080 People have been sexually promiscuous forever, but how we frame it has changed. 00:11:52.240 --> 00:11:56.159 And your framework over time will change behavior. 00:11:56.480 --> 00:12:01.200 Katie and I have a lot of friends in education, several at the high school level administrators. 00:12:01.440 --> 00:12:08.320 They talk about how at the high school level and sometimes younger, casual sex has become mainstreamed. 00:12:09.279 --> 00:12:12.720 I was in high school quite a while ago, but it's not like forever ago. 00:12:12.879 --> 00:12:19.120 And yes, teenagers were sexually active, but it was a big deal no longer. 00:12:19.360 --> 00:12:20.399 It's been mainstreamed. 00:12:20.559 --> 00:12:24.559 Maybe the most obvious change that you can see is with the issue of pornography. 00:12:24.799 --> 00:12:26.480 Pornography was something that you hid. 00:12:26.720 --> 00:12:27.840 It was taboo. 00:12:28.080 --> 00:12:31.519 It happened in the back alleys and CD movie theaters. 00:12:32.320 --> 00:12:38.960 The average age of exposure to pornography for the first time has dropped below 10 years old. 00:12:41.039 --> 00:12:47.919 They are finding that there's these two at the same time divergent things happening. 00:12:48.080 --> 00:12:58.960 On the scientific front, when it comes to pornography, they are proving every study they do, sociologically, psychologically, every study they do proves just how harmful pornography is. 00:12:59.120 --> 00:13:02.320 Terrible for your mental health, terrible for your relationships. 00:13:02.559 --> 00:13:07.200 It literally rewires, remaps your brain neurologically. 00:13:07.519 --> 00:13:17.440 It is so incredibly highly addictive and not just addictive, but addictive where it pulls you into deeper and more and more hardcore pornography. 00:13:18.240 --> 00:13:21.120 They're seeing something that we've never seen in human history. 00:13:21.519 --> 00:13:38.080 Kids are being exposed to pornography so young, becoming addicted so young, going so far into such hardcore pornography that there are 16 and 17-year-old young men who have erectile dysfunction because they cannot be sexually stimulated by the real world. 00:13:38.639 --> 00:13:42.000 They've never seen anything like that before. 00:13:42.240 --> 00:13:43.600 So check this out. 00:13:43.840 --> 00:14:10.240 While science is proving that it is disintegrating our society, allowing pornography to be used like it is, at the same time that's happening on the social and cultural level, for the first time ever, the taboo has been released, and you will see movie stars and rock stars and pop psychologists on Instagram and TikTok talk talking about how pornography is good for your overall health, your mental health, and your relationships. 00:14:11.120 --> 00:14:19.440 This would be like with everything we know about cigarettes, putting out advertisements saying, smoke cigarettes, you'll live longer, you'll breathe easier, your heart will be healthier. 00:14:19.840 --> 00:14:30.320 We know this scientifically, and yet we are living in opposition to it because putting a taboo on it, putting a limit on something sexually, would be in the way of our rights and our individual freedoms. 00:14:30.480 --> 00:14:31.919 The world has changed. 00:14:32.720 --> 00:14:40.240 Our sexual standards and our sexual promiscuity no longer has to go around the norms, it has destroyed the norms, and it has become the norm. 00:14:40.399 --> 00:14:42.799 That is the world that we are living in today. 00:14:42.879 --> 00:14:45.039 And so, how did we get here? 00:14:45.440 --> 00:14:46.960 And is it working? 00:14:47.360 --> 00:15:02.879 You see, the idea of progress towards sexual freedom and liberation is that eventually we would usher in the utopia where we are all sexually free, there's no more taboos, we can all get as much sexual pleasure as we want, we'll all be happier, healthier, in better relationships. 00:15:03.120 --> 00:15:04.399 Has it worked? 00:15:05.279 --> 00:15:14.320 How we got here is a little bit interesting, and partly we have to kind of give the devil his due because people have pointed a finger at the church and said the church is oppressive. 00:15:14.480 --> 00:15:19.279 It's holding us back, it's keeping women marginalized, it's hurting us, it's shaming us. 00:15:19.440 --> 00:15:31.120 And yes, man, if you look at the organized church, our history has been to use shame and guilt and fear and manipulation to ostracize people and keep them at the margins of society. 00:15:31.279 --> 00:15:45.519 We have to own that because a misapplication of grace and a misunderstanding of Jesus' original intention for his movement has actually pushed people further and faster into the mainstream cultural worldview. 00:15:45.840 --> 00:15:47.679 We have to own that. 00:15:48.240 --> 00:15:53.679 To simply hold a scriptural ethic for sex and sexual purity makes you archaic. 00:15:55.200 --> 00:16:07.200 Most preachers and most churches will not do a sermon, much less a series, about the topic of sexual purity because they will be all but laughed off of the stage. 00:16:07.679 --> 00:16:16.320 And so the idea was to burn it all down, to get rid of the institutions, to get rid of the worldview, and to progress towards where society is already headed. 00:16:16.639 --> 00:16:19.600 So, is it working? 00:16:20.879 --> 00:16:21.679 Did we get there? 00:16:21.840 --> 00:16:25.840 Are we any closer to the utopia that we all desire to live in? 00:16:26.639 --> 00:16:34.639 Even pre-pandemic, we saw that antidepressant medication was being prescribed at an all-time high. 00:16:35.039 --> 00:16:43.279 Suicide rate amongst almost every single age group, including teenagers, including children, all-time high. 00:16:43.519 --> 00:16:49.039 Single motherhood at an all-time high, division among our nation getting close to an all-time high. 00:16:50.159 --> 00:16:53.600 Job satisfaction, drug dependency like an all-time low. 00:16:53.759 --> 00:16:54.639 Think about this. 00:16:54.799 --> 00:17:11.839 In a world where people are sexually freer, where there's almost no sexually taboos, where people are having more sex, more convenient sex, and more sexual partners than almost any time in modern history, people are reporting deeper loneliness than ever before. 00:17:13.200 --> 00:17:17.119 And so this hedonistic sexual liberation is not working. 00:17:17.519 --> 00:17:28.319 However, the church's approach to sex and having these conversations has done almost nothing to turn the tide or to stay the course of the sexual revolution. 00:17:28.960 --> 00:17:40.160 Simply saying, but God said not to, and God's gonna be mad at you, and thou shalt and thou shalt not, has done almost nothing to change anybody's mind or to change the course that we have been headed on. 00:17:40.319 --> 00:17:46.319 I don't know if y'all remember the movie Mean Girls, but in Mean Girls, they show a sex ed class, and this was the whole speech. 00:17:46.480 --> 00:17:50.480 Don't have sex, you'll get an STD, you'll get pregnant, and you'll die. 00:17:50.640 --> 00:17:53.039 That was the youth groups I grew up in. 00:17:53.359 --> 00:17:58.480 If you have sex, God will be mad, you'll get an STD, probably get pregnant, ruin your life, and then you'll die. 00:17:58.720 --> 00:17:59.599 God will kill you. 00:17:59.759 --> 00:18:03.759 It's like that hasn't convinced anybody. 00:18:04.559 --> 00:18:29.519 And so we're kind of stuck because society's answers is only spiring spiraling us into deeper depression, deeper loneliness, more anxiety, worse relationships, higher divorce rates, higher suicide rates, and yet the church has not stood up and made a real case and given a real framework for why Jesus' sexual and relational ethic actually matters and how it actually can change things. 00:18:29.759 --> 00:18:33.279 To see that, we're gonna have to expand our scope. 00:18:34.480 --> 00:18:39.599 Part of the problem that we have just as a society is we have a very, very limited historical scope. 00:18:39.759 --> 00:18:44.000 We don't take history very serious when we're going through primary school. 00:18:44.160 --> 00:18:45.279 We don't really learn about it. 00:18:45.359 --> 00:18:49.759 It's taught in very boring, dry ways, and we don't understand why we even need history. 00:18:49.839 --> 00:18:54.960 And you know, for most of human modern civilization, people understood where they came from. 00:18:55.039 --> 00:18:56.160 And we really don't. 00:18:56.400 --> 00:19:11.759 We we kind of know like right now, and then we kind of know like however long we've been alive, like maybe you're 30, and so you've got a 30-year historical perspective, and maybe you go a little bit further, like you know some stuff back to like World War II, because that was kind of a big deal and the world changed a lot. 00:19:11.839 --> 00:19:15.680 And and we learn a little bit in like fourth grade about the beginning of our nation. 00:19:15.759 --> 00:19:24.960 So maybe you know a little bit about 1776, but to be honest, to be honest, most Americans have no idea how our country is even run or how it functions. 00:19:25.039 --> 00:19:28.079 Like we have a very limited scope of history. 00:19:28.400 --> 00:19:34.559 And if you really want to understand where you are and how you got there, you have to expand that scope. 00:19:34.720 --> 00:19:42.000 And so I want you to tap into your imagination as we look at a historical framework for sex and relationships. 00:19:42.640 --> 00:19:53.359 We need to go back, if we want to understand the impact that Jesus had, this supposedly oppressive, regressive force in the world, if we want to understand it, we have to go to a pre-Jesus society. 00:19:53.599 --> 00:19:57.599 Rome and Greece were kind of the predecessors to the modern West that we live in. 00:19:57.759 --> 00:19:59.839 They were empires in their own right. 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.160 They had cultural and technological innovations happening all of the time. 00:20:04.319 --> 00:20:10.880 They were societies that were the predecessors to ours and, in a lot of ways, mirrors ours just in an ancient setting. 00:20:11.039 --> 00:20:18.480 And yet, when you look at their social and legal constraints around sex and relationships, it's almost unrecognizable. 00:20:18.559 --> 00:20:30.880 And if you don't realize that this is the way the world functioned for almost all of human history, you will not understand how to behave or frame your life and your sexual relationships today. 00:20:32.079 --> 00:20:36.240 The critique that sex and marriage is just about power is actually not unfounded. 00:20:36.319 --> 00:20:39.759 In Greco-Roman culture, this was entirely the case. 00:20:40.000 --> 00:20:45.599 Men dominated women, the rich dominated the poor, and the resident dominated the foreigner always. 00:20:46.000 --> 00:20:55.920 In the ancient world, sex was not an identity, it wasn't a lifestyle, it wasn't about pleasure, sex was a way to display your dominance. 00:20:56.160 --> 00:21:02.480 It was seen as normal for a man to have sex with anyone beneath him in stature. 00:21:02.720 --> 00:21:10.480 It was about showing that you are the oppressor, they are the oppressed, you are the dominant, and they are your inferior. 00:21:10.960 --> 00:21:27.680 And so, if you were poor, which was almost everyone, what that meant is that a higher class man could lay claim to your daughters, your sons, or your servants for their own sexual gratification, and there was nothing you could do about it. 00:21:28.400 --> 00:21:35.519 In the historical framework for sex and relationships, the very bottom foundation is that it was selfish. 00:21:36.000 --> 00:21:39.680 It was all about what I can get and who I can dominate. 00:21:39.839 --> 00:21:46.160 It wasn't about love, it wasn't about building relationships, it wasn't about nurturing, it was a little bit about procreation. 00:21:46.559 --> 00:21:49.440 Even that was selfish because you wanted to have a big lineage. 00:21:49.599 --> 00:21:57.839 Even that was selfish because if you had a daughter, you might set her at the edge of town and let the elements kill her and try again to get a son because men were worth more than women. 00:21:58.079 --> 00:21:59.599 It was a selfish, selfish. 00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:00.880 Society. 00:22:01.119 --> 00:22:06.960 And it started at the top, this top 10% of men who got to dominate anyone. 00:22:07.119 --> 00:22:12.960 And because the middle 50% were being dominated by the top 10%, you know what they did in kind? 00:22:13.119 --> 00:22:14.799 They turned around to the bottom 40%. 00:22:15.200 --> 00:22:16.160 They dominated them. 00:22:16.240 --> 00:22:22.880 And if you were in the lowest 90th quartile, you had almost no one to dominate dominate by, you know what you would find at very bottom 10%. 00:22:23.279 --> 00:22:26.880 And it was domination from top to bottom, just selfish. 00:22:27.039 --> 00:22:31.039 Getting it for yourself and not worrying about anybody else. 00:22:31.440 --> 00:22:47.920 In the ancient world, when a wealthy man's wife was ovulating, they would use sex with prostitutes or with lower-class men's daughters or sons for their sexual release as a means of birth control. 00:22:50.880 --> 00:23:13.680 If you can even allow yourself to imagine for a moment living in a society that was so selfish that a man couldn't wait a few days for his wife and instead would come to your house, take your son, or take your daughter, and use them sexually as a means of birth control for their family. 00:23:14.000 --> 00:23:16.559 This is the pre-Jesus world. 00:23:16.640 --> 00:23:20.160 It was selfish and it was built on convenience. 00:23:20.400 --> 00:23:22.160 Selfish and convenient. 00:23:22.319 --> 00:23:28.480 And this is really, really worth taking note of because we are desperately trying to work our way back to convenient. 00:23:29.039 --> 00:23:44.640 And so we we've got our, we went from dating apps where, like, you know, you fill out a million questions and they try to get to know you, and then they try to find someone that you would be electronically harmonious with, you know, and and and then we move past that to dating apps where it's like, how tall are you? 00:23:44.720 --> 00:23:45.599 What's some interest? 00:23:45.839 --> 00:23:47.920 And now it's just hookup apps. 00:23:48.079 --> 00:23:51.839 It's like, let's not play games here, let's make it convenient. 00:23:52.000 --> 00:23:57.519 I don't gotta buy you dinner, you don't gotta pretend I'm taller than I am, we can just skip to what we all want here. 00:23:57.680 --> 00:24:02.000 We're trying to work our way back to convenience before the technological age. 00:24:02.160 --> 00:24:04.160 Look, people have been trying to hook up forever. 00:24:04.319 --> 00:24:05.759 It just wasn't convenient. 00:24:06.000 --> 00:24:14.799 You had to like get a hobby so that you might meet someone at the gym or making pottery or bird watching, and then you'd have to get their number if you could. 00:24:14.960 --> 00:24:18.880 So you'd get turned down again and again and again and again and again. 00:24:18.960 --> 00:24:26.240 And finally, someone would give you their number, and y'all don't know this, but back in the day, you had to wait three days, or people thought you were a creep, right? 00:24:26.559 --> 00:24:37.359 So three days later, you would call them up, you would make plans, you would put it on the calendar, you have to show up on time, you gotta open doors and pull back chairs, you gotta take the check, you know what I'm saying? 00:24:37.519 --> 00:24:41.759 And depending on whether or not you have a woman who has standards, she might make you still wait. 00:24:42.000 --> 00:24:45.759 You might even have to meet mama before you're getting lucky, okay? 00:24:46.559 --> 00:24:49.039 It was anything but convenient. 00:24:49.839 --> 00:24:53.279 In the pre-Jesus world, it was about convenience. 00:24:53.920 --> 00:25:04.319 And if you were an upper status man and you wanted to have sex with someone who was beneath you in social stature, it didn't matter if they wanted it or not. 00:25:06.480 --> 00:25:18.240 We should really, really consider whether or not we want to go back to a convenient sexual model because here's the problem consent is never convenient. 00:25:19.440 --> 00:25:26.720 In the pre-Jesus world, consent wasn't a thing, it wasn't a category, it's not how things were measured. 00:25:27.039 --> 00:25:34.720 Either you had the power and you displayed your power, or you did not have the power and you spent every day of your life just trying to survive. 00:25:35.680 --> 00:25:39.519 It was selfish, it was convenient. 00:25:40.240 --> 00:25:48.960 The only people who had any sexual autonomy, any liberty, were men who were wealthy and were in the ethnic majority. 00:25:49.200 --> 00:25:52.880 And if you were missing any of those three factors, your life was hell on earth. 00:25:53.119 --> 00:25:58.160 If you were a man and you were in the majority, but you were poor, your life was hell on earth. 00:25:58.319 --> 00:26:01.839 Every day wondering if someone's coming for your wife, for your daughter, for your son. 00:26:02.000 --> 00:26:06.160 If you were a man and wealthy, but you were an ethnic minority, your life was hell on earth. 00:26:06.240 --> 00:26:14.480 And if you were a woman, it doesn't matter what other qualifications you have, your life was hell on earth all the time. 00:26:16.079 --> 00:26:22.319 Women were not seen as people, they were seen as commodities, produce, product. 00:26:23.359 --> 00:26:24.640 We've talked a lot about sex. 00:26:24.720 --> 00:26:25.680 What about marriage? 00:26:25.920 --> 00:26:28.880 Marriage was selfish, it was convenient. 00:26:29.119 --> 00:26:35.200 Your father would find the highest bidder, and whoever thought that you could rear them the most children or be most helpful around the house. 00:26:35.359 --> 00:26:45.440 There was no love, nobody cared about your feelings, you had no say in the matter, you got sold into your marriage to be a commodity for that man. 00:26:46.400 --> 00:26:57.759 Here was your option as a woman, and I hope, I hope we can like download a little bit of imagination and just try, even for a second, to imagine living in this world, the pre-Jesus framework for sex and relationship. 00:26:57.920 --> 00:27:12.720 If you were a woman, here's your option: do your domestic duties, keep your mouth shut, fulfill your husband's sexual desires, and be faithful to your husband, even though there was no societal standard or expectation that he had to be faithful to you. 00:27:14.079 --> 00:27:19.680 This is really crude, but if you want to know how women were viewed, it was like this I drive a Toyota. 00:27:19.839 --> 00:27:24.160 If I went and bought a Chevy, nobody would say, I'm cheating on my truck. 00:27:24.480 --> 00:27:26.240 You were a commodity. 00:27:26.559 --> 00:27:30.079 If you were unfaithful, you'd probably get killed. 00:27:30.480 --> 00:27:33.680 If he was unfaithful, it did not matter. 00:27:35.440 --> 00:27:47.759 If you were poor, which was most everyone, if you were in the ethnic minority, or if you were a female, your life was brutally miserable all the time. 00:27:48.079 --> 00:27:51.440 Here is the historical framework for sex and relationships. 00:27:51.599 --> 00:27:56.480 It was selfish, it was convenient, and it was purposeless. 00:27:57.519 --> 00:27:59.519 There was no real purpose to your marriage. 00:27:59.680 --> 00:28:02.559 It was just about what you could bring as a commodity to that house. 00:28:02.720 --> 00:28:08.720 There was no purpose to sex, there was nothing outside of you or beyond you, there was nothing transcendent or eternal. 00:28:08.880 --> 00:28:11.359 There was no actual purpose at the root of it. 00:28:11.440 --> 00:28:14.319 It was just dominate or be dominated. 00:28:14.400 --> 00:28:18.559 And because of this, in the ancient world, sex was not a good thing. 00:28:18.799 --> 00:28:23.039 It was not a beautiful thing, it was not a loving thing. 00:28:23.599 --> 00:28:34.319 If you were a middle class father waiting every day for someone to scoop up your wife or your children to use for their sexual pleasure, sex and relationship was not a good thing for you. 00:28:34.480 --> 00:28:41.359 If you were a woman with no rights, no one gave uh care about consent, sex and relationships were not a good thing for you. 00:28:41.519 --> 00:28:51.279 If you were a young person who would be used and abused for those in powers, sexual pleasure and release, sex and relationships were not a good thing. 00:28:51.440 --> 00:28:55.920 They were bad all the time for almost all people. 00:28:58.400 --> 00:29:00.160 And so, how do we get to this world? 00:29:00.480 --> 00:29:04.880 To a world where we see sex as not just good but great. 00:29:05.759 --> 00:29:11.519 To a world where we value consent as almost the highest value when it comes to sexual relationships. 00:29:11.680 --> 00:29:17.359 How did we get to a world that continues to push for and protect the rights of women? 00:29:17.680 --> 00:29:23.200 To see that, we have to now look at a scriptural framework for sex and relationships. 00:29:23.359 --> 00:29:27.839 We've seen the historical, we've seen the pre-Jesus world, and maybe you got a glimpse of it. 00:29:28.000 --> 00:29:31.759 Maybe you were able to imagine having to live in that hell. 00:29:32.799 --> 00:29:44.880 And if you can imagine that, then you have the proper perspective to understand what exactly the movement of Jesus was and what exactly the movement of Jesus did for this world. 00:29:45.119 --> 00:29:54.799 Last Sunday we looked towards July 4th, and we saw that at the very bedrock of the Western experiment was this idea that all people are created equal. 00:29:55.039 --> 00:30:02.400 And it should be obvious to you after the conversation we just had about history, that was not a self-evident fact. 00:30:02.640 --> 00:30:08.319 The world was divided by race, by class, and by gender at all times. 00:30:08.720 --> 00:30:12.160 This idea was new and it didn't spring out of nowhere. 00:30:12.400 --> 00:30:13.759 It came from Jesus. 00:30:13.920 --> 00:30:15.920 This is the story of the gospel. 00:30:16.160 --> 00:30:26.480 The God who created all people came down to this earth in the form of a person and then sacrificed his life for all people in all places. 00:30:26.799 --> 00:30:38.000 That is the bedrock belief that the God who created us demonstrated on a cross that he saw all people in all places as equal of dignity, worth, and value. 00:30:38.240 --> 00:30:44.160 Can you imagine living in the Roman Empire under the circumstances we've described today? 00:30:44.240 --> 00:30:49.279 And there's this new movement from this Jewish carpenter who ended up on a Roman cross anyway. 00:30:49.440 --> 00:30:51.119 His movement comes to your town. 00:30:51.279 --> 00:30:57.759 You show up to synagogue that day, a letter gets opened by the Apostle Paul, and you hear this. 00:30:58.720 --> 00:31:04.640 There is no Jew or Greek, there is no slave or free. 00:31:05.039 --> 00:31:07.200 There is no male and female. 00:31:08.079 --> 00:31:17.599 Since you are all one in Christ Jesus, you are all equal in Christ Jesus. 00:31:18.240 --> 00:31:33.119 If you were impoverished, if you were a foreigner, if you were a female, if you were anyone other than the top 10% of men in that society, this would have been the first time in your life that you had heard something like this. 00:31:33.839 --> 00:31:35.920 This changed everything. 00:31:36.160 --> 00:31:38.160 It reorganized society. 00:31:38.400 --> 00:31:47.119 Dignity, worth, value, equality among all classes, all races, maybe most radically among both sexes, men and women. 00:31:47.279 --> 00:31:53.039 This fundamental shift meant that the foreigner had the same inherent worth and value as the native. 00:31:53.200 --> 00:31:56.480 The poor had the same dignity before God as the wealthy. 00:31:56.640 --> 00:32:00.960 Women were just as precious as men in the eyes of God. 00:32:01.039 --> 00:32:06.880 And it sounds silly to even say that today, but that was brand new. 00:32:07.599 --> 00:32:09.440 This new movement could not be ignored. 00:32:09.519 --> 00:32:17.440 And it's worth pointing out this was a tiny, tiny movement, a fraction of a fraction of the actual population. 00:32:18.160 --> 00:32:20.480 Women flocked to the movement of Jesus. 00:32:20.559 --> 00:32:21.599 Did you know that? 00:32:21.920 --> 00:32:27.680 There are ancient non-Christian writers who wrote calling it a women's cult. 00:32:28.000 --> 00:32:29.359 So many women went. 00:32:29.519 --> 00:32:37.359 There was nowhere else in the ancient world where they could go and hear themselves talked about the way that Jesus talked about women. 00:32:39.200 --> 00:32:52.720 It was reframing everything, and the followers of Jesus, the apostles, they began to take these new realizations and the teachings of Jesus, and inspired by the Spirit of God, they began to write a new framework for sex and relationships. 00:32:52.880 --> 00:32:56.400 The Apostle Paul wrote to a church in Corinth, and Corinth was wild. 00:32:56.559 --> 00:33:01.119 It was one of the most sexually promiscuous places that's ever existed on planet earth. 00:33:01.200 --> 00:33:11.200 And here's what he wrote in 1 Corinthians 7, verse 3 A husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband. 00:33:11.359 --> 00:33:18.559 When you read this in context, it's very obvious that what he's talking about here is like your marital duty. 00:33:18.880 --> 00:33:19.519 You know? 00:33:20.400 --> 00:33:21.200 Your dut. 00:33:21.759 --> 00:33:23.119 It's talking about sex. 00:33:23.359 --> 00:33:31.519 And this idea right here, it could be interpreted by the listeners a few different ways. 00:33:31.759 --> 00:33:33.119 Like, yeah, for sure. 00:33:33.279 --> 00:33:36.160 I mean, we'll do we'll do the duty, you know. 00:33:36.240 --> 00:33:43.839 And the wife, she's gotta, you know, she better step up to the plate because I will take her to the marketplace tomorrow, you know. 00:33:44.640 --> 00:33:46.160 And he's like, no, no, no. 00:33:46.480 --> 00:33:54.559 A husband, see, he could have said a wife has to fulfill her marital duty, and likewise the husband. 00:33:54.720 --> 00:33:57.119 That's how everyone else would have written it. 00:33:57.279 --> 00:33:58.640 But he said, No, no, no. 00:33:58.799 --> 00:34:00.319 I'm putting the husband first. 00:34:00.480 --> 00:34:02.400 I'm putting the onus on you. 00:34:03.039 --> 00:34:06.000 You have a duty to your wife. 00:34:07.279 --> 00:34:12.239 You see, men didn't think they had a duty, they think that they were due. 00:34:13.440 --> 00:34:15.280 The men held all the rights. 00:34:15.840 --> 00:34:22.320 She wants to stay in this house and eat this food and live under this roof, then she's got a duty to perform. 00:34:22.559 --> 00:34:24.800 And I better stay satisfied. 00:34:25.039 --> 00:34:26.960 And Paul goes, no, no, no. 00:34:27.760 --> 00:34:36.320 In this new framework that will change the world forever, a husband should fulfill his marital duty. 00:34:36.559 --> 00:34:41.920 And likewise, if you're serving her, she should also be serving you. 00:34:42.320 --> 00:34:46.400 This is literally turning the world's framework on its head. 00:34:46.480 --> 00:34:52.559 Instead of selfish, the scriptural framework for sex and relationships is selfless. 00:34:54.079 --> 00:34:59.840 We live in a very sexually selfish world, a very relationally selfish world. 00:35:00.159 --> 00:35:02.320 I want mine, I want to be taken care of. 00:35:02.480 --> 00:35:07.280 They need to match up to my standards, they need to please me, I need to find the person who can do me right. 00:35:07.679 --> 00:35:08.880 That's how we think. 00:35:09.280 --> 00:35:10.800 Paul says, no, no, no, no. 00:35:10.960 --> 00:35:17.519 If you're gonna live like Christ, if you're gonna follow his model, it's not about what you can get from others, it is about what you can give. 00:35:17.760 --> 00:35:22.000 He reframed marriage and especially the sexually component of marriage. 00:35:22.159 --> 00:35:26.880 And this, if you're married and your sex life is on the rocks, this will change it. 00:35:27.039 --> 00:35:30.719 It is no longer a game of who can get what is due to them. 00:35:30.960 --> 00:35:32.480 You now have a new duty. 00:35:32.639 --> 00:35:37.840 And it is not to get yours, it is to fulfill your spouse to the maximum component. 00:35:38.079 --> 00:35:48.159 This is now a game of two people loving each other, displaying that love in every area, including the bedroom, and giving and giving and giving. 00:35:48.239 --> 00:35:51.760 It is a selfless kind of love that changes everything. 00:35:51.920 --> 00:35:53.119 And let me tell you something. 00:35:53.280 --> 00:36:02.559 If you will begin to live selflessly in your marriage sexually, your spouse will jump over the moon to return the favor to you. 00:36:02.719 --> 00:36:07.679 That's how it works, and that's how you build a great, great sexual relationship in your marriage. 00:36:07.840 --> 00:36:12.639 Everyone can clap, and and then and then it's like it's not just the people with bad sex lives clapping. 00:36:12.719 --> 00:36:13.920 Everyone clap, good. 00:36:15.519 --> 00:36:16.639 So that was pretty wild. 00:36:16.719 --> 00:36:18.639 It's like we're not gonna be selfish anymore, we're gonna be selfless. 00:36:18.800 --> 00:36:20.239 We're gonna give, give, give, give, give. 00:36:20.400 --> 00:36:21.920 Our goal is not to get my own. 00:36:22.079 --> 00:36:25.760 My goal is for my spouse to be the most sexually fulfilled person on planet earth. 00:36:25.920 --> 00:36:27.519 You live like that, your life is gonna change. 00:36:27.679 --> 00:36:29.039 But he wasn't done. 00:36:29.519 --> 00:36:35.599 He goes to the next one because the men in Corinth are trying to figure out what this guy is talking about. 00:36:35.760 --> 00:36:38.639 And he kind of starts to get it right in their eyes in verse four. 00:36:38.800 --> 00:36:43.599 He says, A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. 00:36:43.840 --> 00:36:46.719 And the men in Corinth were like, A freaking man. 00:36:47.519 --> 00:36:50.079 Paul, we knew you were a good one, you know? 00:36:50.320 --> 00:36:53.679 You scared us for a second with all this duty talk. 00:36:55.440 --> 00:36:57.920 Paul's like, hit the brakes. 00:36:58.559 --> 00:37:01.920 A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. 00:37:02.480 --> 00:37:08.159 And in the same way, hold up, in the same way. 00:37:08.400 --> 00:37:10.079 What do you mean in the same way? 00:37:10.239 --> 00:37:14.639 Because this is the ancient world where men have rights and women are property. 00:37:14.880 --> 00:37:16.079 Women don't have rights. 00:37:16.239 --> 00:37:24.400 And you just said that I have the right over my wife's body, which I didn't even really need you to tell me that, because that's how the world works. 00:37:24.559 --> 00:37:33.760