WEBVTT 00:00:04.639 --> 00:00:06.959 Welcome to the MetaCurch Podcast. 00:00:07.120 --> 00:00:08.080 My name's Clayton. 00:00:08.160 --> 00:00:10.320 I'm the pastor here at MetaCurch. 00:00:10.400 --> 00:00:17.920 And my hope is that today's podcast finds you at the perfect time in your life that God uses it to inspire and enlighten you. 00:00:18.079 --> 00:00:20.559 I hope that you enjoy today's message. 00:00:23.600 --> 00:00:25.920 All right, MetaCurch, how you guys doing? 00:00:26.239 --> 00:00:26.879 Yeah. 00:00:28.079 --> 00:00:32.640 Well, welcome to week four of our relationship series, Stupid in Love. 00:00:32.719 --> 00:00:45.119 Uh, in this series, we have been recognizing that many of the things our culture calls romantic are actually very misguided prescriptions to the point where many of them actually could be called stupid. 00:00:45.280 --> 00:00:57.759 Now, we don't often in our culture have a clear understanding of how relationship works or what love actually means, how to attract the right kind of person, how to date in a godly manner, or how to sustain a great marriage. 00:00:57.840 --> 00:01:11.200 And so we've been going through from the broadest lens in week one all the way to today, where we're talking specifically about how to express love in the most significant way here on earth, which is in a God-centered marriage. 00:01:11.439 --> 00:01:18.799 In week one, we saw that the overarching problem is we fall in love with the outer person before we know their inner purpose. 00:01:18.959 --> 00:01:24.560 We have to get to know them at a real, sustaining level, not just fall in love with what is superficial. 00:01:24.719 --> 00:01:27.680 In week two, we talked about how to attract the right kind of person. 00:01:27.840 --> 00:01:32.400 We saw that you had to be real and holy and driven. 00:01:32.480 --> 00:01:38.239 And then last week we talked about dating and we combated culture's prescription for dating. 00:01:38.400 --> 00:01:47.359 We said we need to be selfless instead of selfish, spiritual, not just sexual, and significant, not senseless or purposeless. 00:01:47.439 --> 00:01:50.959 Now, if you missed any of the first three weeks, they all kind of build on each other. 00:01:51.120 --> 00:01:54.400 They might be helpful for you to understand where we're at now today. 00:01:54.560 --> 00:01:58.159 You can get caught up really easily at youtube.com/slash metachurch. 00:01:58.319 --> 00:02:01.200 Today we are going to move on to marriage. 00:02:01.359 --> 00:02:10.639 What is supposed to be the happiest relationship in our life, but you guys are aware that statistics are telling a very different story. 00:02:10.879 --> 00:02:15.919 Most married people aren't quite in the fairy tale that they imagined they would be in. 00:02:16.080 --> 00:02:22.159 And we have seen the divorce rates continue to stay really steadily high over the years. 00:02:22.240 --> 00:02:34.400 And the only reason they have started to dip a little bit in the last decade is because people have given up on marriage and just aren't marrying in the first place, which doesn't seem like the best possible solution. 00:02:34.639 --> 00:02:39.199 We know somewhere between 40 and 50% of marriages don't make it, that's first marriages. 00:02:46.960 --> 00:02:49.759 So some people think, well, we'll just move in together. 00:02:49.840 --> 00:02:51.280 You know, it's very common today. 00:02:51.439 --> 00:02:54.000 Kind of try before you buy mentality. 00:02:54.159 --> 00:03:00.560 Most studies show that living together prior to marriage increases your odds of divorce by about 40%. 00:03:01.199 --> 00:03:12.639 If your parents are divorced and you marry someone whose parents were also divorced, the chances of your marriage ending in divorce is 200% higher than the average. 00:03:13.120 --> 00:03:17.280 Those are really, really disheartening statistics. 00:03:17.439 --> 00:03:27.199 And yet, I do believe that you can have the marriage that you desire, but first, it takes some work and it takes the proper perspective. 00:03:27.360 --> 00:03:31.919 And I do believe that that structure is outlined for us in scripture. 00:03:32.159 --> 00:03:36.560 My message today is happily ever after. 00:03:36.960 --> 00:03:39.120 Happily ever after. 00:03:39.360 --> 00:03:46.319 Every fairy tale ends the same way, and they lived happily ever after. 00:03:46.479 --> 00:03:50.000 However, that is not where the story starts, right? 00:03:50.159 --> 00:04:09.840 At the beginning of the story, there's a lonely prince who can't find anyone who meets his needs, and then there is like a mistreated stepdaughter, and then it takes a fairy godmother and a pumpkin and losing a shoe, nightmare, you know, and then the prince having to go all the way through the entire town, touching all kinds of strangers' feet, right? 00:04:09.919 --> 00:04:11.759 We let that go, terrible, right? 00:04:11.919 --> 00:04:13.759 Until he finally finds the right person. 00:04:14.159 --> 00:04:20.800 So what I'm saying is, you to get to your fairy tale ending, you have to go through conflict. 00:04:21.120 --> 00:04:22.959 It requires conflict. 00:04:23.120 --> 00:04:29.199 You can have a hap happily ever after you go through an immense amount of conflict. 00:04:29.360 --> 00:04:34.480 That's just the price to play, and that makes a story worth paying attention to. 00:04:34.720 --> 00:04:39.759 If the stories did not contain conflict, we would not read these stories. 00:04:39.920 --> 00:04:45.279 If movies did not contain conflict, you would not watch those movies. 00:04:45.519 --> 00:04:58.879 If all the tension in a blockbuster movie resolved in the first five minutes, if five minutes into Star Wars they blew up the Death Star and then it was just an hour of everyone chilling, you would not go watch that movie, right? 00:04:59.120 --> 00:05:04.319 The conflict hooks us and it holds us and it makes a story worth paying attention to. 00:05:04.480 --> 00:05:13.680 And more importantly than that, inside a story, conflict is the mechanism that develops the character. 00:05:14.160 --> 00:05:18.879 Conflict is the mechanism that develops the character. 00:05:19.120 --> 00:05:29.279 And the way the character receives the conflict determines whether or not the story ends with the character as a hero or as a villain or as a victim. 00:05:29.519 --> 00:05:30.560 You need conflict. 00:05:30.800 --> 00:05:31.600 You know this. 00:05:32.079 --> 00:05:49.920 Before Simba and Nala take over Pride Rock, first Simba has to watch his dad die and then run off into the jungle and live with a mere cat and a warthog and throw away all of his responsibility and think that the key to life is a kuna matata, right? 00:05:50.240 --> 00:05:51.439 No worries. 00:05:51.759 --> 00:05:55.600 You know who lives always trying to have no worries? 00:05:55.920 --> 00:05:56.720 Children. 00:05:56.959 --> 00:05:59.199 That's an immature view of life. 00:05:59.439 --> 00:06:02.480 Meanwhile, his people are back home suffering. 00:06:02.560 --> 00:06:03.600 And so guess what? 00:06:03.839 --> 00:06:05.279 He has to go through conflict. 00:06:05.519 --> 00:06:15.360 And once he goes through conflict, he matures, and the conflict develops the character, and he goes back and he kills his uncle, and then he takes over Pride Rock, and then guess what? 00:06:15.600 --> 00:06:22.480 They live happily ever after a whole lot of conflict. 00:06:22.800 --> 00:06:27.759 And what's true in story is true in relationship as well. 00:06:28.079 --> 00:06:39.839 At a subconscious level, we all know that growth and development requires conflict, it requires tension, but somehow we assume that our marriages are immune to that truth. 00:06:40.079 --> 00:06:48.000 It's like you know that if you want to grow muscle, you have to put your muscles under tension for long stretches of time. 00:06:48.319 --> 00:06:53.199 It takes pressure, it takes conflict to grow into an athlete. 00:06:53.360 --> 00:06:58.639 We know that, and a lot of people put a lot of time and energy into the gym to get those results. 00:06:58.800 --> 00:07:04.079 But in our marriages, we don't do any work to prepare ourselves for marriage. 00:07:04.160 --> 00:07:05.279 We don't do any work. 00:07:05.439 --> 00:07:14.560 We don't read a book, we don't go to a class, we don't talk to anyone, we don't listen to a podcast, we just think we're vibing, things are going good. 00:07:14.720 --> 00:07:17.360 Let's get to the altar, say I do. 00:07:17.600 --> 00:07:22.639 We'll get married in Vegas, we don't need a guest list, I'm so stupid in love. 00:07:22.879 --> 00:07:25.120 No, you're just stupid. 00:07:25.279 --> 00:07:30.160 And what's gonna happen is six months later, you're gonna want to kill each other. 00:07:30.560 --> 00:07:32.879 You see, we don't want the conflict. 00:07:33.199 --> 00:07:40.240 We think happily ever after is after you find someone that you have chemistry with. 00:07:40.800 --> 00:07:43.920 And we do get married off chemistry. 00:07:44.079 --> 00:07:45.680 That's how our culture views it. 00:07:45.920 --> 00:07:47.600 I'm just looking for my soulmate. 00:07:47.680 --> 00:07:51.199 I just want someone I really vibe with, you know, like these are chemistry. 00:07:51.439 --> 00:07:52.560 This is chemistry language. 00:07:52.639 --> 00:07:57.279 Chemistry is this invisible thing that makes you attracted to someone and brings you together. 00:07:57.360 --> 00:08:06.800 And it's it's looking at the superficial, it's falling in love with the outer person before ever really discovering their inner purpose. 00:08:07.040 --> 00:08:10.160 However, conflict is inevitable. 00:08:10.399 --> 00:08:18.319 And if all you have is chemistry, there's nothing to protect you in your marriage when conflict comes your way. 00:08:19.040 --> 00:08:23.519 Chemistry is nebulous, it's invisible, it's intangible. 00:08:23.680 --> 00:08:26.560 It's something that just exists between you. 00:08:27.199 --> 00:08:33.840 And when tension and conflict and pain and suffering come at your marriage, there's nothing to stop it. 00:08:34.399 --> 00:08:44.879 And then we see all the statistics that fall into line that have convinced a whole generation coming up, our youngest generation, that marriage isn't even worth pursuing. 00:08:45.360 --> 00:08:50.960 This is why God desires for you to build your marriage on something stronger and more robust. 00:08:51.600 --> 00:08:58.240 Understanding the biblical story that we walk through today, it will give you the structure to help you weather the storms that come your way. 00:08:58.480 --> 00:09:01.840 My mentor, John Whitty, taught me this structure years ago. 00:09:02.000 --> 00:09:03.200 I've used it ever since. 00:09:03.360 --> 00:09:07.759 I teach through it about every two to three years because it is that important. 00:09:08.000 --> 00:09:16.000 And this is a great template if you're not yet married to help you understand what you need to look for before you get married. 00:09:16.159 --> 00:09:19.919 And if you are married, the work will be a little bit more difficult. 00:09:20.080 --> 00:09:25.919 But this is the work you need to do to have the marriage that God intends for you to have. 00:09:26.480 --> 00:09:39.360 These take time to add to your marriage, but here's what's true: anyone can have their happily ever after both people have done the hard work that makes a marriage great. 00:09:40.000 --> 00:09:40.720 Would you pray with me? 00:09:41.919 --> 00:09:44.960 Jesus, we love you and we thank you for your great love for us. 00:09:45.279 --> 00:10:02.240 Holy Spirit, we know that you're here and you're moving, and I ask that we would be humble enough to have open minds and open hearts and allow you to encourage us, to challenge us, to convict us, to move us, mold us, shape us, change us, however you see fit. 00:10:02.480 --> 00:10:03.039 We love you. 00:10:03.200 --> 00:10:05.360 We thank you for your word as we open it together today. 00:10:05.600 --> 00:10:07.279 Pray that you would enlighten it to us. 00:10:07.440 --> 00:10:09.360 We pray all these things in Jesus' name. 00:10:09.440 --> 00:10:12.399 And if you're ready for your happily ever after, say amen. 00:10:12.720 --> 00:10:13.279 Amen. 00:10:13.440 --> 00:10:17.600 Uh, we're gonna look at one of the most important handoffs in Scripture. 00:10:17.679 --> 00:10:19.200 Uh, we're gonna look at Abraham. 00:10:19.360 --> 00:10:36.480 Abraham was called by God to be the father of the nation of Israel, but even more crucial than that, it was promised that through this nation, in other words, through Abraham's lineage, one day the Savior of the world, who we know is Jesus Christ, would be born. 00:10:36.799 --> 00:10:43.600 Abraham was getting old, and it was time to get his son Isaac to carry the promise forward. 00:10:43.759 --> 00:10:56.480 Now, Isaac having a successful marriage was a non-negotiable because he was becoming the person who would carry God's promise and fulfill the purpose of God's redemption plan. 00:10:56.639 --> 00:10:59.200 Those are the highest stakes. 00:10:59.440 --> 00:11:08.320 Jesus coming into the world means the rescue and redemption of all humanity, and Isaac is going to carry that promise. 00:11:08.639 --> 00:11:10.480 They must get this right. 00:11:10.559 --> 00:11:16.080 Now, Isaac was not yet married, and we've got to read this within the culture that it was written. 00:11:16.320 --> 00:11:21.600 Back then, fathers played a massive role in finding their son's wives. 00:11:21.840 --> 00:11:32.960 We obviously don't live in that world today, and yet the things that Abraham is looking for for Isaac are the same things that we should be looking for in our spouses. 00:11:33.360 --> 00:11:41.919 So don't make the mistake that so many modern readers make, where they say, look at this, it's basically an arranged marriage. 00:11:42.159 --> 00:11:44.399 This has nothing to do with me. 00:11:44.639 --> 00:11:49.519 You throw away the ancient wisdom in these texts at your own peril. 00:11:49.759 --> 00:11:58.559 If you think our current culture with 50, 60, 70% divorce rates has a better option for your life, good luck, right? 00:11:58.799 --> 00:12:04.080 This is the wisdom that will lead you into the relationship that you are ultimately looking for. 00:12:04.240 --> 00:12:08.639 We're gonna be in Genesis chapter 24, and there's a lot of weird parts. 00:12:08.799 --> 00:12:12.639 You're gonna hear a weird part and think, wow, that was weird, right? 00:12:12.720 --> 00:12:15.679 And then we'll go back and we'll talk about it and try to explain it. 00:12:15.840 --> 00:12:20.720 In verse 1, it says, Abraham was now old, getting on in years, and the Lord had blessed him in everything. 00:12:20.879 --> 00:12:30.080 And Abraham said to his servant, the elder of his household, who managed all that he owned, that this is like Abraham's number one employee, place your hand under my thigh. 00:12:30.320 --> 00:12:30.960 Well, that's weird. 00:12:31.039 --> 00:12:31.840 We'll get back to that. 00:12:32.080 --> 00:12:46.000 And I will have you swear by the Lord, God of heaven and God of earth, that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites among whom I live, but will go to my land and my family to take a wife for my son Isaac. 00:12:46.159 --> 00:12:53.919 And the servant said to him, Suppose the woman is unwilling me to follow to follow me to this land, should I have your son go back to the land that you came from? 00:12:54.080 --> 00:12:58.480 And Abraham answered, Make sure that you don't take my son Isaac back there. 00:12:58.720 --> 00:13:11.679 The Lord, the God of heaven, who took me from my father's house and from my native land, who spoke to me and swore to me, I will give this land to your offspring, he will send his angel before you, and you can take a wife for my son from there. 00:13:11.840 --> 00:13:17.279 And if the woman is unwilling to follow you, then you're free from this oath, but don't let my son go back there. 00:13:17.440 --> 00:13:23.679 So the servant placed his hand under his master, Abraham's thigh, and swore an oath to him concerning this matter. 00:13:23.840 --> 00:13:28.159 So, first of all, what's going on with this obvious HR violation, right? 00:13:28.320 --> 00:13:36.879 Like, if I'm making a promise to you and you have to grab my hamstring in order to make it, something real serious is going down, okay? 00:13:37.120 --> 00:13:40.159 So this was just an ancient way, right? 00:13:40.320 --> 00:13:45.440 They didn't have lawyers, they didn't, they didn't write up intense hundred-page documents. 00:13:45.600 --> 00:13:52.240 This was a way to make a serious oath, man to men, and it was just a sign of the covenant that they were making. 00:13:52.399 --> 00:14:01.440 And Abraham, again, remember Isaac is becoming the person who will carry the promise to fulfill God's ultimate purpose of bringing Jesus to the earth. 00:14:01.600 --> 00:14:24.480 This could not be a bigger deal, and Abraham is taking it very seriously, and he wants to get a woman who is not from the Canaanites, those are the nations surrounding the promised land God had given Abraham, and he wants to make sure that Isaac doesn't go live there because even Abraham's family were idolaters. 00:14:25.519 --> 00:14:28.799 Even Abraham's family did not worship the one true God. 00:14:28.960 --> 00:14:37.759 He wanted to make sure that he got the right woman and that she came and lived with them in the promised land, a land that was set apart. 00:14:38.080 --> 00:14:39.679 Well, what did we learn last week? 00:14:39.919 --> 00:14:42.639 To be set apart means to be holy. 00:14:43.360 --> 00:14:50.960 And so the Canaanites, these nations surrounding the promised land, these were debased, immoral, evil people. 00:14:51.360 --> 00:14:54.000 They were incredibly sexually aggressive. 00:14:54.159 --> 00:14:57.679 The idea of something like sexual assault or rape, it did not exist. 00:14:57.759 --> 00:15:01.120 It was a way of life if you were a woman living in the Canaanite regions. 00:15:01.279 --> 00:15:06.879 They sacrificed their children by throwing their newborns into fire to their false God of Malek. 00:15:07.200 --> 00:15:09.120 They hated the one true God of Israel. 00:15:09.279 --> 00:15:11.120 These were evil, evil people. 00:15:11.440 --> 00:15:17.600 And Abraham knew that Isaac would be drawn off course if he married a Canaanite. 00:15:17.840 --> 00:15:22.240 Now, we in 2024 think of the world through a lot of lenses. 00:15:22.399 --> 00:15:24.320 One of those is a racial lens. 00:15:24.399 --> 00:15:26.399 It's not the way the world worked back then. 00:15:26.720 --> 00:15:37.679 And just to put it out there, throughout the centuries, there have been plenty of preachers who have used text just like this to try and say that modern-day races should not intermarry. 00:15:37.840 --> 00:15:42.960 Not only is that unbiblical, racist, and wrong, it is a complete misreading of the text. 00:15:43.039 --> 00:15:45.759 This is not about race or ethnicity. 00:15:45.919 --> 00:15:47.759 This is about calling. 00:15:48.399 --> 00:15:52.159 Isaac had a purpose placed on his life. 00:15:52.480 --> 00:15:54.879 And you know this because I say this to you every week. 00:15:55.039 --> 00:15:56.320 You do as well. 00:15:56.799 --> 00:15:58.960 God created you on purpose. 00:15:59.200 --> 00:16:19.279 And I don't know, like you guys who come here every Sunday, if you ever get tired of me saying this to you every single Sunday, but I'm never going to stop because I get you one hour, one day a week, and the world gets you all the rest of the hours to try and convince you that your purpose is just to live for the moment and embrace the day and follow the influencers. 00:16:19.360 --> 00:16:23.840 And I'm here to tell you every single week, God created you and it was not an accident. 00:16:24.000 --> 00:16:28.960 You are meant to be on earth, he created you on purpose, and he created you with purpose. 00:16:29.120 --> 00:16:46.879 There's something inside of you that is meant to partner with the God of the universe and engage in the rescue and redemption of humanity that Jesus came to earth to do through the lineage of Isaac, because Isaac had a dad who loved him enough to make sure he got his marriage right, okay? 00:16:50.559 --> 00:16:55.519 And so we've hit this point three weeks in a row, and we're gonna hit it on the fourth. 00:16:55.919 --> 00:17:04.720 Abraham knew that for Isaac to fully live out his calling, that he had to be with the right spouse. 00:17:05.279 --> 00:17:06.880 Let me remind you, verse three. 00:17:07.039 --> 00:17:14.880 He says, I'll have you swear by the Lord God of heaven and earth that you will not take a wife from my son from the daughters of the Canaanites. 00:17:15.440 --> 00:17:24.880 You see, Abraham knew that a marriage must have a foundation of a common life purpose, a common life purpose. 00:17:25.279 --> 00:17:31.200 And we've talked about having a common purpose every week in the series because it is it is simply that important. 00:17:31.759 --> 00:17:36.720 And we're not dating, thinking about that, and we're not marrying, thinking about that. 00:17:36.880 --> 00:17:48.880 We're thinking about chemistry, we're checking the vibes, we're making sure we're physically attractive, and we're not digging to that deeper layer of what will sustain you for the long haul. 00:17:49.519 --> 00:17:57.279 Having a common life purpose will protect you from the kind of conflict that will shipwreck your marriage. 00:17:57.519 --> 00:18:12.079 You see, conflict is inevitable, but what we're going for is the healthy, spiritual, God-honoring kind of conflict that helps develop both of you into the people that God created you to be because conflict is the mechanism that matures the character, right? 00:18:12.400 --> 00:18:18.400 But the conflict most of us engage in in our relationships is not beneficial to either of us. 00:18:18.480 --> 00:18:20.799 It actually tears both of us down. 00:18:20.960 --> 00:18:28.400 You see, a common life purpose, one that is centered around God, it will put your conflict into proper perspective. 00:18:28.640 --> 00:18:35.359 It will set you both on a trajectory, not on trying to win over the other person, but both of you aiming up towards God. 00:18:35.519 --> 00:18:37.200 What does it mean to have a common life purpose? 00:18:37.359 --> 00:18:38.960 There's largely three areas. 00:18:39.200 --> 00:18:43.599 The first is at the lowest level, it's just how do you see your stuff? 00:18:44.079 --> 00:18:45.839 Just your material things. 00:18:46.160 --> 00:18:49.680 And do you agree to use those for purpose? 00:18:50.079 --> 00:18:52.720 How do you prioritize your finances? 00:18:53.039 --> 00:18:55.279 How do you prioritize the things? 00:18:55.920 --> 00:19:02.480 Are you going to be a couple who racks up debt in order to put on a front, like you have more than you actually have? 00:19:02.799 --> 00:19:13.359 Or are you going to be a couple that fights to stay debt-free, while scripture says that the borrower is a slave to the lender, and we have called to be free men and women? 00:19:13.599 --> 00:19:18.400 Are you going to be someone who gives generously to others and gives generously to your church? 00:19:18.480 --> 00:19:35.839 You know, if you are a believer and all in on the movement of Jesus, and the person you partner yourself with is not, you're going to want to give 5, 10, 15% of your income to the most important movement, the most important investment you can make in your life, the rescue and redemption of humanity through God's body, the church of Christ. 00:19:36.000 --> 00:19:40.400 So you're going to want to do that, and they're going to be like, you're setting our money on fire, you know? 00:19:40.559 --> 00:19:43.519 Like that's a point of not good conflict. 00:19:43.680 --> 00:19:45.759 You've got stuff and then you've got people. 00:19:46.160 --> 00:19:47.680 How do you think about people? 00:19:48.640 --> 00:19:50.160 Are people there to serve you? 00:19:50.319 --> 00:19:51.440 Are you there to serve people? 00:19:51.519 --> 00:19:53.200 Are people there for your pleasure? 00:19:53.359 --> 00:19:55.759 Are people there for purpose? 00:19:56.319 --> 00:19:59.279 How are you gonna manage your relationships once you're married? 00:19:59.440 --> 00:20:02.960 Are you still gonna spend lots of time with your single wild friends? 00:20:03.039 --> 00:20:04.240 Is everyone gonna be okay with that? 00:20:04.400 --> 00:20:06.000 How are you gonna deal with your exes? 00:20:06.160 --> 00:20:08.400 Will you still be Facebook friends with them? 00:20:08.480 --> 00:20:10.319 What is your common life purpose? 00:20:10.400 --> 00:20:12.240 And how do you get on the same page? 00:20:12.319 --> 00:20:15.519 And why is everyone's eyes so big right now in some of these conversations? 00:20:15.599 --> 00:20:16.799 It's interesting. 00:20:17.759 --> 00:20:20.720 You got stuff and you got people, and at the highest level you have God. 00:20:21.359 --> 00:20:31.119 And if you are a believer in Jesus, God is the center of your life, God is the source of your purpose. 00:20:32.960 --> 00:20:37.920 You see, scripture talks about not being unequally yoked. 00:20:38.720 --> 00:20:43.759 And it's this picture of oxen, and they would have a yoke that they would put on the oxen. 00:20:43.920 --> 00:20:52.720 And if the yoke was correct and the weight was distributed evenly, then for both of the animals, it was much lighter to pull what was behind them. 00:20:53.200 --> 00:21:10.079 But if you are yoked in different directions, then your life will be constant conflict, it will be constant tension, and not the kind that gets you closer to who God created you to be, the kind that can derail and destroy a relationship. 00:21:10.640 --> 00:21:15.519 Your life purpose is what you aim your entire life at. 00:21:15.839 --> 00:21:20.000 And you want to be in a marriage where you are aimed in the same direction. 00:21:20.240 --> 00:21:22.400 Isaac's story continues in verse 10. 00:21:22.640 --> 00:21:38.880 The servant took ten of his master's camels, and with all kinds of his master's goods in hand, he went to Aram Naharam, to Nahor's town, and at evening, the time when women went out to draw water, he made the camels kneel beside a well outside the town, and he prayed. 00:21:56.160 --> 00:21:58.000 And who responds, drink? 00:21:58.400 --> 00:21:59.039 And you know what? 00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:01.279 Your camels also. 00:22:01.519 --> 00:22:05.680 Let her be the one that you have appointed for your servant Isaac. 00:22:05.920 --> 00:22:10.960 By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master. 00:22:12.079 --> 00:22:15.519 Kind of weird, you know, a little trial to put somebody through. 00:22:15.680 --> 00:22:16.559 We'll come back to it. 00:22:16.720 --> 00:22:25.359 Before he had finished speaking, there was Rebekah, daughter of Bethuel, son of Milka, the wife of Abraham's brother Nahor, coming with a jug on her shoulder. 00:22:25.440 --> 00:22:31.119 Now the girl was very beautiful, a virgin, no man had been with her, and she went down to the spring and filled her jug and came up. 00:22:31.200 --> 00:22:36.240 And then the servant ran to meet her and said, Please, let me have a little water from your jug. 00:22:36.319 --> 00:22:38.480 And she replied, Drink, my lord. 00:22:38.640 --> 00:22:41.359 And she quickly lowered her jug to her hand and gave him a drink. 00:22:41.440 --> 00:22:44.400 And when she had finished giving him a drink, she said, You know what? 00:22:44.559 --> 00:22:49.839 I'll also draw water for all ten of your camels until they've had enough to drink. 00:22:50.000 --> 00:22:53.680 So at first, this is a very strange scene. 00:22:54.000 --> 00:23:01.839 Homeboy pulls up to the well, parks, throws out a lawn chair, and just waits for all the thirsty women to show up, you know? 00:23:01.920 --> 00:23:04.400 Like, what's going on in this scene? 00:23:04.480 --> 00:23:05.839 And why the camels? 00:23:05.920 --> 00:23:08.079 And why the big test, you know? 00:23:08.559 --> 00:23:15.759 You see, what seems so strange to us, because we're so far removed from this, this was a test of compatibility. 00:23:16.720 --> 00:23:25.759 And the elder of Abraham's house, his key employee, he would have known Isaac since the moment he was born. 00:23:26.000 --> 00:23:28.079 He knew Isaac backwards and forwards. 00:23:28.240 --> 00:23:37.200 He understood the stakes of this mission, and he knew some of the qualities he was looking for for someone that would be compatible for Isaac. 00:23:37.359 --> 00:23:47.839 Isaac is becoming the person who will carry the promise to fulfill God's purpose, which means he is going to need a ride or die to come into this relationship with him. 00:23:48.240 --> 00:23:50.880 And that is what he's looking for. 00:23:51.200 --> 00:24:00.960 See, we think about going to the well and watering the camels, and we're modern people, so we think like this, you know? 00:24:01.200 --> 00:24:08.720 And then the water starts coming out of that magic pipe that sticks out of your house, and you don't know how that happens, but it happens for you, right? 00:24:08.960 --> 00:24:17.039 Or maybe you're like, maybe it was real old school, you know, and they had to go out there and it's like a metal thing, and you had to do like one of these, you know. 00:24:17.440 --> 00:24:21.759 That's that's like a thousand, thousand years later. 00:24:22.240 --> 00:24:31.599 To draw water from a well meant you had a jug, and the jug went on a rope, and the rope dropped 12 to 30 feet down into water. 00:24:31.759 --> 00:24:34.319 It was typically about a five-gallon jug. 00:24:34.400 --> 00:24:46.480 A five-gallon jug filled with water is 40 pounds of water, and then you draw it up, that is delts, triceps, biceps, that's back muscles, that's core. 00:24:46.640 --> 00:24:48.480 Once you get tired, that's some legs. 00:24:48.640 --> 00:24:51.599 This is a full body split in the gym, okay? 00:24:51.920 --> 00:24:53.519 There's 10 camels. 00:24:54.480 --> 00:25:02.720 Camels, on average, when they are given water, are given 40 gallons of water each. 00:25:04.799 --> 00:25:06.960 You don't have to be the best at math to know. 00:25:07.119 --> 00:25:14.880 Home girls pulling up 400 gallons of water, five gallons at a time. 00:25:16.160 --> 00:25:23.119 She's dropping a bucket down, 20 feet, pulling up 40 pounds, 80 times. 00:25:24.799 --> 00:25:31.519 90% of men could not do the workout to get those camels the water that Rebecca does in Genesis 24. 00:25:33.680 --> 00:25:42.240 Like, this is and remember, he wasn't in this, you know, kind of male-dominated society, like, hey, you need to feed my camels. 00:25:42.319 --> 00:25:47.519 Because a woman would have probably obliged begrudgingly, but that's kind of how the power structure was back then. 00:25:47.839 --> 00:25:48.640 No, no, no. 00:25:48.799 --> 00:25:50.079 She offered. 00:25:50.400 --> 00:25:55.759 She walked out, saw ten camels, knew the work it was gonna take, and was like, you know what, sir? 00:25:56.000 --> 00:25:58.000 Stranger, guy I've never met. 00:25:58.960 --> 00:26:01.119 Why don't I water your camels as well? 00:26:02.319 --> 00:26:07.839 I mean, this speaks volumes about who Rebecca actually is. 00:26:08.960 --> 00:26:11.119 You see, this was going above and beyond. 00:26:11.200 --> 00:26:19.839 It showed that she was respectful, industrious, hardworking, strong, she had a servant's heart, she was generous, she was hospitable. 00:26:20.079 --> 00:26:23.839 Not to mention the text also tells us that she's beautiful. 00:26:24.799 --> 00:26:34.799 In this one little test, Rebecca showed her natural compatibility to Isaac and the purpose that God had placed on Isaac's life. 00:26:34.960 --> 00:26:37.519 Now, compatibility sounds kind of weird to us. 00:26:37.680 --> 00:26:43.920 It sounds like the e-harmony 29-point inspection to see whether or not you actually match up with somebody. 00:26:44.240 --> 00:26:51.440 But compatibility matters because the opposite of compatibility is conflict. 00:26:52.160 --> 00:26:57.119 In other words, where you lack compatibility, you will create conflict. 00:26:57.279 --> 00:27:02.880 Now, that either will be a very good thing or it will be a very bad thing. 00:27:03.119 --> 00:27:05.359 Remember, conflict is neutral. 00:27:05.519 --> 00:27:08.640 It's what you do with it that determines its value. 00:27:08.960 --> 00:27:15.680 Conflict is the mechanism that develops your character, and it's the mechanism that develops your relationship. 00:27:16.000 --> 00:27:23.119 You need a certain level of compatibility, or else you will just spend your entire relationship in conflict, and that's not good. 00:27:23.440 --> 00:27:34.880 At the same time, you will never find a perfectly compatible person and you wouldn't want to, because conflict can grow you and mature you and make you more selfless and make you more reliant on God. 00:27:34.960 --> 00:27:41.519 And conflict gives you opportunities to serve the person that you are in relationship with and that you love. 00:27:41.680 --> 00:27:52.480 But if you have no compatibility and your lack of compatibility is not anchored to any kind of common purpose that you share, then instead of healthy conflict, it will be toxic conflict. 00:27:52.720 --> 00:27:58.799 Here's the real problem, and here's what's scary is when you start dating someone, you're on your best behavior. 00:27:59.759 --> 00:28:10.880 And for somewhere between six months to 18 months, depending on how much of a psychopath you are, you can really play the game of being whoever they need you to be. 00:28:11.759 --> 00:28:20.000 And I mean, you are like as introverted as they come, but they like to go out, and so as far as they know, you are the life of the party. 00:28:20.400 --> 00:28:22.240 Because you don't want conflict. 00:28:23.119 --> 00:28:31.519 You are as tidy and organized as they come, and you are letting this fool put put water rings on every coffee table in your house. 00:28:31.680 --> 00:28:33.839 You haven't said a word about it. 00:28:34.160 --> 00:28:40.720 They don't hang up anything, they don't take their shoes off before they come in their house and you just mop when they leave, you know? 00:28:40.880 --> 00:28:44.799 You're a germaphobe and they're disgusting and you're just letting it slide. 00:28:46.240 --> 00:28:52.720 Everyone's on their best behavior because they want to avoid the conflict, which is why to assess compatibility, you need two things. 00:28:52.880 --> 00:28:54.240 Number one, you need time. 00:28:55.279 --> 00:29:04.400 I've talked about this before, but if you date prior to engagement for at least two years, your odds of divorce go down almost 30%. 00:29:05.359 --> 00:29:12.720 If you date prior to engagement for three years, your odds of divorce go down by 40%. 00:29:13.759 --> 00:29:14.880 Why is that? 00:29:15.279 --> 00:29:25.519 It's because anyone can behave for six months, some people can behave for 12 months, psychopaths can behave for 18 months, but nobody can behave for 24 months. 00:29:25.839 --> 00:29:35.119 You get past that 18-month mark, and you're organized and they're disorganized, you're gonna snap and be like, put something up somewhere, you know? 00:29:35.200 --> 00:29:37.440 And they're gonna be like, Where's this coming from? 00:29:37.599 --> 00:29:38.240 You know? 00:29:38.720 --> 00:29:43.839 You're an introvert and they're an extrovert, you've been playing the game for 12 months, you're gonna be like, I'm taking a nap now. 00:29:44.000 --> 00:29:45.920 I'm gonna nap and you're not gonna be in there. 00:29:46.079 --> 00:29:47.519 I need some space from you, you know? 00:29:47.680 --> 00:29:51.839 Like you're gonna snap at some point, and it's good because you need the conflict. 00:29:52.079 --> 00:29:59.200 What happens is if you don't give it time, you get into a marriage, and four months into the marriage, you're like, Who did I marry? 00:29:59.359 --> 00:30:01.440 I didn't know any of this about this person. 00:30:01.599 --> 00:30:04.960 You need time, you really do need time, and you need intention. 00:30:05.839 --> 00:30:16.400 Because if you give it time, the areas of incompatibility will show and it will create conflict, but you must have intention to have the fight. 00:30:18.160 --> 00:30:22.960 And so the majority of people, the vast majority of people, are conflict avoidant. 00:30:23.359 --> 00:30:27.759 Very, very small percentage of the population who enjoys conflict. 00:30:28.079 --> 00:30:30.559 And so you're not going to want to have the fight. 00:30:30.799 --> 00:30:35.440 And so, even once you really start seeing who they are, you're gonna want to sweep it under the rug. 00:30:36.160 --> 00:30:39.039 And what you're doing is you're doing a disservice to them. 00:30:39.200 --> 00:30:42.160 And if we want to get really ground level, you're lying. 00:30:43.279 --> 00:30:45.440 You're pretending something doesn't bother you that does. 00:30:45.519 --> 00:30:47.759 You're pretending you're okay with something that you're not. 00:30:48.880 --> 00:30:58.400 They have this idea that it's totally cool to still be BFFs with all of their exes, and you don't actually think that's cool, but you don't want to be the square that says something about it. 00:30:59.200 --> 00:31:00.720 And so, what are you gonna do? 00:31:00.880 --> 00:31:04.960 Just wait until after the altar to have all of the fights. 00:31:06.160 --> 00:31:14.480 The other problem with not having enough intention to engage in the fight when the conflict reveals itself is you don't get to see how they fight. 00:31:15.200 --> 00:31:16.799 And you need to know that. 00:31:18.240 --> 00:31:27.599 You are not gonna find a perfectly compatible person, but one of the things that you're looking for is not just where we lack compatibility, but how we deal with it. 00:31:28.400 --> 00:31:39.599 You see, two selfless people who have a common life purpose, they can have areas of incompatibility and view it as opportunity to serve one another. 00:31:41.039 --> 00:31:51.759 Two selfish people who don't have a common life purpose, lots of areas of incompatibility will create the kind of toxic tension that can take you out. 00:31:51.920 --> 00:31:57.920 And the time to figure these things out, preferably, is before you say, I do. 00:31:58.400 --> 00:31:59.920 Not everyone has gone that route. 00:32:00.079 --> 00:32:03.519 If you're already in the marriage, the time to figure it out is now. 00:32:03.920 --> 00:32:11.519 It might be a little more complex to navigate through it, but it is the path to the relationship that both of you desire. 00:32:12.480 --> 00:32:14.960 You need to take the time to have the fights. 00:32:15.519 --> 00:32:27.839 And if you will have the fights, and if you will do them the correct way in a God-honoring way, you can decide through wisdom whether this is someone you should invest in the rest of your life with. 00:32:28.079 --> 00:32:32.480 Now you may be thinking, if we have common purpose and we're compatible, what else could we possibly need? 00:32:32.559 --> 00:32:38.799 And Genesis 24 is gonna tell us our third C common life purpose, compatibility. 00:32:39.039 --> 00:32:39.680 There's one more. 00:32:39.920 --> 00:32:41.680 Genesis 24, 32. 00:32:41.920 --> 00:32:56.559 So the men came to the house and the camels were unloaded, straw and feed were given to the camels, and water was brought to wash his feet and the feet of the men with him, and a meal was set before him, but he said, I will not eat until I have said what I have to say. 00:32:56.880 --> 00:32:59.279 So Laban said, Please speak. 00:32:59.359 --> 00:33:00.720 Now, this is a big deal. 00:33:00.960 --> 00:33:03.599 Uh, they they didn't order Grubhub, right? 00:33:03.680 --> 00:33:10.079 Like to get dinner ready 3,000 years ago, they probably started cooking that dinner at 9 a.m. 00:33:10.480 --> 00:33:19.440 This took all day, and it's all set out before them, and Abraham's servant is like, we're not eating until I tell my entire story. 00:33:19.599 --> 00:33:22.480 And the story, spoiler alert, is really long. 00:33:22.720 --> 00:33:24.880 He recounts the entire thing. 00:33:25.119 --> 00:33:31.440 Like the whole story I just told you, he tells the whole story to everyone at the table, and he says it for a reason. 00:33:31.599 --> 00:33:32.160 Here's why. 00:33:32.400 --> 00:33:33.279 Verse 49. 00:33:33.440 --> 00:33:37.359 Now, if you are going to show kindness and faithfulness to my master, tell me. 00:33:37.440 --> 00:33:41.279 And if not, let me know, and I will go somewhere else. 00:33:41.440 --> 00:33:41.920 That's right. 00:33:42.079 --> 00:33:52.240 He has a woman who has a common life purpose, who's perfectly compatible, and he is willing to walk away from her if he does not receive confirmation. 00:33:53.359 --> 00:34:06.880 He actually believes so strongly in getting the approval of Rebecca's family that if they say no, he will leave her there, all the work goes to nothing, and he's got to start over trying to find a different woman. 00:34:07.200 --> 00:34:12.079 In verse 50, Laban and Bethuel answered, This is from the Lord, we have no choice in the matter. 00:34:12.239 --> 00:34:20.159 Rebecca's here in front of you, take her and go, and let her be a wife for your master's son, just as the Lord has spoken. 00:34:21.360 --> 00:34:24.320 Isaac was behaving like he believed. 00:34:24.480 --> 00:34:27.599 Rebecca was beautiful, and they could have stopped right there. 00:34:27.760 --> 00:34:29.199 That's chemistry. 00:34:29.599 --> 00:34:32.400 And in our culture, chemistry is the end-all, be-all. 00:34:32.639 --> 00:34:37.360 We fall in love, we date and marry because we fell in love with the outer person. 00:34:38.400 --> 00:34:42.639 But the truth is, what's on the inside will come out. 00:34:43.760 --> 00:34:53.760 It might be a month into marriage, it might be a year into marriage, it might be a decade into marriage, but the lack of common purpose and the lack of compatibility, it will come out. 00:34:54.400 --> 00:34:57.599 And this is what makes confirmation so important. 00:34:58.880 --> 00:35:05.119 Confirmation is leaning on the wisdom of godly, insightful people. 00:35:06.239 --> 00:35:11.199 The truth is, we talked in week one about you fall in love and you start seeing someone through the love lens. 00:35:11.440 --> 00:35:21.199 It's very hard to spot their red flags, it's very easy to ignore areas of incompatibility, it's very easy to rationalize away a lack of common purpose. 00:35:21.440 --> 00:35:28.960 And if all you're looking for is someone to tell you what you're doing is right, that's really easy to find. 00:35:29.199 --> 00:35:33.440 Like most of your homeboys and homegirls are not gonna step on your toes. 00:35:33.679 --> 00:35:36.320 Most people online will give you a nice thumbs up. 00:35:36.480 --> 00:35:42.559 But if you want rich, robust wisdom, then you have to go to wise, godly people. 00:35:42.880 --> 00:35:46.480 Now, in a perfect world, that would be your parents and that would be her parents. 00:35:46.719 --> 00:35:49.119 I understand that is not always the case. 00:35:49.280 --> 00:36:14.320 And especially if that's not the case, it's why it's important to not just attend a Sunday service, but to be involved in the movement of a church where you start surrounding yourself with people who are further along in their walk, further along in their relationships, who are wise and godly and know you and can speak into it and say, I know your head over heels, but you do realize y'all's purposes are at odds. 00:36:14.800 --> 00:36:17.039 Is that really the path to go down? 00:36:17.280 --> 00:36:21.920 I know y'all are crazy about each other, but y'all do not seem very compatible. 00:36:22.159 --> 00:36:26.559 Y'all think it's cute, you make everyone uncomfortable when we're around y'all, you know? 00:36:26.639 --> 00:36:29.599 Like someone who will tell you the truth. 00:36:30.960 --> 00:36:42.880 Confirmation protects common purpose and compatibility by getting more eyes on it and more wisdom through it than just your own. 00:36:43.280 --> 00:36:50.239 You see, chemistry is invisible, it has no protective power, chemistry can fade just like this. 00:36:50.400 --> 00:36:51.599 Think about actual chemistry. 00:36:51.679 --> 00:36:54.320 It does amazing things, like gives us medicine that saves life. 00:36:54.480 --> 00:36:58.159 It also like creates bombs that destroy entire cities, you know? 00:36:58.400 --> 00:37:04.000 Like, if if tension really comes at you, chemistry's not stopping it. 00:37:04.639 --> 00:37:07.119 What you need is an actual structure. 00:37:07.199 --> 00:37:23.599 And what I believe is that the wisdom of scripture has provided us the simple template of these three C's to act like a shield between you and all the slings and arrows that will come at your relationship. 00:37:24.079 --> 00:37:28.000 Chemistry alone cannot protect you, but a common life purpose can. 00:37:28.159 --> 00:37:40.079 When you have that common purpose together, then it takes all of the tension and conflict and puts it in proper perspective, knowing that you're in lockstep on the most important aspects of life. 00:37:40.320 --> 00:38:00.480 When you have gone through the hard work of determining compatibility, not that you're perfectly compatible in every way, but that you understand your areas of incompatibility and you know how to love and serve each other through them, then you will not have the toxic tension and conflict that shipwrecks relationships. 00:38:00.719 --> 00:38:09.679 Instead, you will have conflict as the mechanism that matures the characters in the story of your marriage into the people that God created them to be. 00:38:09.760 --> 00:38:19.760 And if you want to be sure that your common life purpose and your compatibility are real and are not just being viewed by you through the love lens, you need confirmation. 00:38:20.239 --> 00:38:23.599 And confirmation is what holds it all together. 00:38:23.920 --> 00:38:32.079 And these three C's are a hedge of protection for your second most important relationship. 00:38:32.719 --> 00:38:40.000 And your first most important relationship is what gives you the capacity for all other relationships to thrive. 00:38:40.719 --> 00:38:48.000 Isaac was the person who would hold the promise that would deliver God's purpose of bringing Jesus to the earth. 00:38:48.239 --> 00:38:57.760 You see, ultimately, Isaac's life and all of this effort, the three C's, establishing and finding the right woman, all of it ultimately was about Jesus. 00:38:57.920 --> 00:39:08.800 And your life, if it's lived appropriately, is ultimately about Jesus, and your marriage, if it's navigated appropriately, is ultimately about Jesus. 00:39:10.159 --> 00:39:22.880 Which means if you don't know Jesus and you're not in a relationship with Jesus, and you haven't taken the first step of truly understanding your common life purpose. 00:39:24.960 --> 00:39:29.440 Jesus is the central point of any meaningful marriage, and so if nothing else, start there. 00:39:30.159 --> 00:39:34.880