WEBVTT 00:00:01.760 --> 00:00:04.160 Welcome to the MetaCurch Podcast. 00:00:04.320 --> 00:00:05.280 My name's Clayton. 00:00:05.360 --> 00:00:07.440 I'm the pastor here at MetaCurch. 00:00:07.599 --> 00:00:15.119 And my hope is that today's podcast finds you at the perfect time in your life that God uses it to inspire and enlighten you. 00:00:15.279 --> 00:00:17.679 I hope that you enjoy today's message. 00:00:21.359 --> 00:00:23.839 All right, MetaCurch, how are you guys doing? 00:00:24.559 --> 00:00:25.199 Yeah. 00:00:32.000 --> 00:00:38.240 And this is the very reason that we're doing this because oftentimes in our life we end up becoming our own worst enemy. 00:00:38.560 --> 00:00:44.960 Maybe this song describes your life, where you're at, or maybe where you've been, uh, a little bit too closely for comfort. 00:00:45.119 --> 00:00:52.399 And last week we started talking about how to affect real, deep, long-lasting change in our lives. 00:00:52.560 --> 00:00:55.840 And what we saw is that we usually start with the wrong question. 00:00:56.079 --> 00:00:59.200 The question is not, what do I want to change? 00:00:59.439 --> 00:01:02.000 And this is what we do when we approach our resolutions. 00:01:02.320 --> 00:01:04.480 What do we want to be slightly different this year? 00:01:04.640 --> 00:01:06.000 What do we want to see shift? 00:01:06.159 --> 00:01:07.760 What do we want to change? 00:01:07.920 --> 00:01:10.159 That's a question about behavior. 00:01:10.319 --> 00:01:14.719 Where we have to start is who do I want to become? 00:01:14.959 --> 00:01:17.120 This isn't a question of behavior. 00:01:17.280 --> 00:01:19.599 This is a question of identity. 00:01:19.760 --> 00:01:25.680 And what we saw last week is that if we can see it, then we have a real chance to be it. 00:01:25.840 --> 00:01:39.840 If we can get the picture of who God has called us to be, purposed us to be, and created us to become, then we can start the process of actually living out that life of purpose, significance, and meaning. 00:01:40.159 --> 00:01:44.640 With all that said, last week was really kind of foundational for where we're going in the series. 00:01:44.799 --> 00:01:46.400 If you weren't here, that's not a big deal. 00:01:46.480 --> 00:01:48.719 You can catch up on any of our digital platforms. 00:01:48.879 --> 00:01:51.200 You can go on our website, metachurch.tv. 00:01:51.359 --> 00:01:58.480 You can go on our YouTube page, you can download our app, and pretty soon you're gonna be able to listen to the sermons on podcast as well. 00:01:58.879 --> 00:02:01.680 So we put some daily declarations in our life. 00:02:02.000 --> 00:02:06.879 We talked about seeing who God is really created us and destined us to become. 00:02:06.959 --> 00:02:15.759 And now we start taking the next steps of how our actions and behaviors in life start to line up with who we can see God making us. 00:02:15.919 --> 00:02:18.639 My message today is called Break the Cycle. 00:02:18.800 --> 00:02:20.080 Would you guys pray with me? 00:02:20.319 --> 00:02:25.919 God, we love you, and uh we're just always so humbled and we're overwhelmed by your love for us. 00:02:26.960 --> 00:02:31.439 And I'm personally so grateful for MetaCurch, a movement of people. 00:02:31.599 --> 00:02:37.199 Uh, God, it's not the building, it's not the organization that supports it, uh, it's not this service. 00:02:37.919 --> 00:02:42.319 It's it's these lives, these unique lives, these stories that are being lived out. 00:02:42.479 --> 00:02:52.639 This is your church, and I'm so grateful that it's a safe place, a place where you can belong even before you believe, a place where anyone can come and can wrestle with these big questions of life. 00:02:52.800 --> 00:03:13.919 And God, as we seek to form our lives more into the person you created us to be, I ask that you would help us and you would guide us, that you would open our minds and open our hearts to whatever your spirit is wanting to say to us and God, that you would use so much more than just the words that are coming through the sound system, that you would take them and you'd use them and apply them uniquely to our life. 00:03:14.000 --> 00:03:17.759 And we love you and we thank you, and we pray these things in Jesus' name. 00:03:17.840 --> 00:03:20.159 And everyone said together, Amen. 00:03:20.960 --> 00:03:21.520 Amen. 00:03:21.680 --> 00:03:27.439 One of the most frustrating aspects of being a human is that we often get caught in these cycles. 00:03:27.599 --> 00:03:35.039 And to help you identify some of the cycles in your life, uh, there's two questions that often we end up asking ourselves at some of our low points. 00:03:35.199 --> 00:03:38.560 And the first is why do I do what I do? 00:03:38.800 --> 00:03:46.960 The things that you are doing in life that you're not happy with, you're not proud of, that you've been trying to change year after year after year, why do you do these things? 00:03:47.199 --> 00:03:48.080 Why do I do this? 00:03:48.240 --> 00:03:49.840 Have you ever been stuck in life? 00:03:49.919 --> 00:03:51.120 And you're just like, why? 00:03:51.280 --> 00:03:53.120 Why do I keep repeating the same mistakes? 00:03:53.280 --> 00:03:54.960 Why do I keep dating the same people? 00:03:55.039 --> 00:03:58.319 Why do I keep going back to the same harmful patterns? 00:03:58.479 --> 00:04:00.080 Why do I do what I do? 00:04:00.240 --> 00:04:05.599 And the second question, which is equally as frustrating, is why don't I do what I want to do? 00:04:05.840 --> 00:04:07.599 Like the right thing is out there. 00:04:07.759 --> 00:04:08.560 It's obvious. 00:04:08.719 --> 00:04:19.360 I know how I should be spending, I know how I should be eating, I know how I should be dating, I know how I should be treating my spouse, I know how I should be parenting, why don't I do these things that I want to do? 00:04:19.519 --> 00:04:31.839 And so instead we get stuck in these vicious cycles, and we try and we try and we read all the books and we listen to the TED talks, and and we go to friends and we get some accountability in our life, but we seem to be stuck in the cycles. 00:04:31.920 --> 00:04:35.040 And a cycle on steroid is an addiction. 00:04:35.839 --> 00:04:40.160 These things that it's like we hate ourselves for them, but we we just can't get out of them. 00:04:40.399 --> 00:04:44.800 When you're really in an addiction, there's a few phrases that you'll find yourself using a lot. 00:04:45.120 --> 00:04:55.600 One of those is just one more, just one more hit, just one more drink, just one more bite, just one more hookup, just one more browse, just one more. 00:04:55.680 --> 00:04:57.839 The other one is this is the last. 00:04:58.240 --> 00:04:59.279 This is the last time. 00:04:59.519 --> 00:05:06.959 Man, when I was in act of rebellion from God and I was just like sprinting away from as far as possible, I would find myself almost every time because I knew God. 00:05:07.040 --> 00:05:14.399 And then I had all this guilt and conviction in my life, and I would I would find myself going, you know, drunk again, high again, like God, this is the last one. 00:05:14.560 --> 00:05:20.000 This is the last time, this is the last party, this is, and you know it's not. 00:05:20.240 --> 00:05:24.160 You know, after the one more, there's gonna be one more, and after that one more, there's gonna be one more. 00:05:24.240 --> 00:05:30.639 And after that last time, there's another last time, and another last time, and it's a cycle, and we just can't seem to get out of it. 00:05:30.720 --> 00:05:43.759 And some of these are like the the big bads and the addictions and the and the affairs, and the and some of them are are they seem a little more like benign, like they're not quite as scary, but but we still find ourselves in them, and we don't know how to break out of these cycles. 00:05:44.240 --> 00:05:49.839 Back in January at the beginning of the year, we put on Facebook, like, what are some good habits you're trying to get into? 00:05:50.000 --> 00:05:52.000 What are some bad habits you're trying to get out of? 00:05:52.079 --> 00:06:03.680 And and we had all kinds of answers, things like procrastination and overspending, selfishness, time management, overeating, self-deprecation, just always constantly talking bad and thinking poorly of yourself. 00:06:03.839 --> 00:06:09.040 Things like anxiety and wanting to be more organized, and the same questions apply to every one of those. 00:06:09.199 --> 00:06:10.240 Why do I do what I do? 00:06:10.480 --> 00:06:14.879 Procrastination, like here I am again in the 11th hour, right at the deadline. 00:06:15.040 --> 00:06:22.160 I I've just been lost in YouTube for three and a half weeks, and now here I am, and it's due and it's final, and my job's writing on it. 00:06:22.240 --> 00:06:24.160 And why am I such a procrastinator? 00:06:24.319 --> 00:06:26.639 Why don't I do what I want to do? 00:06:26.720 --> 00:06:28.480 It's like, man, I'm drowning in debt. 00:06:28.720 --> 00:06:32.720 I'm overwhelmed, I've ruined my credit score, I'm hurting my future, I have no retirement. 00:06:32.959 --> 00:06:35.600 Like, why don't I do what I want to do? 00:06:35.759 --> 00:06:44.720 I want to save, I want to budget, I want to not feel like I have to buy crap to please people that don't really even matter to me, and we're we're stuck. 00:06:45.120 --> 00:06:47.360 And it can start to feel very hopeless. 00:06:47.439 --> 00:06:52.480 And and what I'm wanting to do in this series is to start with the right question, which is who am I becoming? 00:06:52.560 --> 00:07:02.319 And once we get that picture of who God's actually created us to be, when we see the picture, we can get in the process, but to understand the process, we have to understand habit. 00:07:03.360 --> 00:07:22.240 And the reason that we have to understand habit is because if you look into how our lives actually work and how behavior actually functions, what you'll find is that about 50% of what you do and what you think in life happens at the subconscious level. 00:07:22.480 --> 00:07:26.720 That means that half of your life is running on habit. 00:07:27.120 --> 00:07:31.920 Over the last couple of years, I've read some books that have really been transformational for me in my life. 00:07:32.079 --> 00:07:36.079 The first one, about five, six years ago, I read a book called The Power of Habit. 00:07:36.160 --> 00:07:37.199 I'm gonna let you know right now. 00:07:37.279 --> 00:07:41.680 I know not all of you are looking for heavenly extra credit, and you don't take notes during my sermons, and that's fine. 00:07:41.759 --> 00:07:42.959 Um, but this is a good one. 00:07:43.040 --> 00:07:50.160 And you can get out your phone and take some notes because all of your phones have note functions on it, and I will just believe that you're not on Instagram, you can do that today. 00:07:50.319 --> 00:07:50.959 This is a great book. 00:07:51.040 --> 00:07:52.160 It's called The Power of Habit. 00:07:52.240 --> 00:07:54.639 If you're not a reader, it's on Audible, you can listen to it. 00:07:54.720 --> 00:07:56.399 Uh, it was really transformational. 00:07:56.560 --> 00:08:01.199 And then last year in 2019, the best book I read was called Atomic Habits. 00:08:01.360 --> 00:08:04.000 And this is by uh a guy named James Clear. 00:08:04.079 --> 00:08:09.360 And if you're gonna read these books, uh, I would read this one first, The Power of Habit, and then I would read Atomic Habits. 00:08:09.439 --> 00:08:13.199 And these guys have really dug in and they understand the behavioral science. 00:08:13.279 --> 00:08:18.639 And and just so you know, I'm not just pulling things out of thin air, these guys have done decades and decades of research. 00:08:18.720 --> 00:08:27.759 And what the neurologists and psychologists and sociologists have found is that 50% of your life happens at a level that you're not aware of. 00:08:28.560 --> 00:08:34.399 Your life is being run by your habits, unless you think, oh, that's only half of my life. 00:08:34.480 --> 00:08:41.759 Even in your conscious life, the conscious decisions you make, which a lot of them I'm sure we're working really hard, and a lot of them maybe we're really proud of, and maybe you're progressing. 00:08:41.919 --> 00:08:53.519 But even at the conscious level, the decisions that we make on purpose, there are some things we're not really that proud of, and we consciously chose to cuss out somebody on the highway, and we didn't give prayer hand emoji, we had a different hand form. 00:08:53.759 --> 00:09:00.000 And it's like there are still some things we're working on on the conscious level, and there's things we're doing, and we're aware of them, and we're not proud of them. 00:09:00.080 --> 00:09:05.200 And you need to know these two areas, subconscious and conscious, they don't happen in a vacuum. 00:09:05.519 --> 00:09:14.559 And the conscious decisions that you're making are being influenced, impacted, and in some cases driven by the habits that have formed in your life. 00:09:15.360 --> 00:09:17.600 Our habits get us stuck in cycles. 00:09:17.919 --> 00:09:19.919 We're gonna attempt to understand that today. 00:09:20.080 --> 00:09:26.159 And that can be a really difficult truth, because if you don't understand it, you have very little chance of breaking free from it. 00:09:26.559 --> 00:09:33.360 But the great news is you're here today, and if you understand the habit cycle, you can break the habit cycle. 00:09:33.600 --> 00:09:44.559 And because it influences so much of your life on a practical level, if you can change your habits, you can see real change in your experience of life. 00:09:45.279 --> 00:09:53.759 We look in the Old Testament, the back of our Bibles, what we often call the Jewish scriptures, what we find is the Israelites, the Jewish people who were the chosen people of God. 00:09:53.840 --> 00:09:59.679 And all through the Old Testament, God was using Israel as the vehicle for his plan of redemption. 00:09:59.840 --> 00:10:07.440 This all came to fruition when Jesus Christ, our Savior, was born through the lineage of Israel, and he did everything he could to protect that. 00:10:07.519 --> 00:10:15.360 But if you read the Old Testament from Genesis to Malachi, what you'll find is that Israel consistently went through two different cycles. 00:10:15.519 --> 00:10:19.519 One was a cycle of blessing, and one was a cycle of judgment. 00:10:19.679 --> 00:10:29.759 And what would happen is they would really worship God, man, and they would be all about it, and they would realize that their identity, because you have to see it before you can be it, their identity is the chosen people of the God of creation. 00:10:29.919 --> 00:10:35.120 Yahweh, the God of the heavens and the earth, has chosen them and they have a significant purpose. 00:10:35.360 --> 00:10:41.840 And they would live under this blessing and they would worship God and give their lives to Him, and then they would be distracted and they would be tempted by the nations around them. 00:10:42.080 --> 00:10:43.440 They would lose who their identity is. 00:10:43.519 --> 00:10:47.919 They would think they're just another nation trying to grasp their way along, and so they would fall into sin. 00:10:48.000 --> 00:10:52.879 They would start worshiping the false gods of the other nations, and all of a sudden they would find themselves under judgment. 00:10:53.039 --> 00:10:57.519 And sometimes we think that judgment is like God with lightning bolts and he's just waiting for you to screw up. 00:10:57.600 --> 00:10:59.440 It's actually a lot simpler than that. 00:11:00.399 --> 00:11:06.000 God created you, He instilled in you a purpose. 00:11:06.399 --> 00:11:14.799 And when we walk according to how God has asked us to walk, we live in our purpose and we experience the blessing of the significant life we were created for. 00:11:14.960 --> 00:11:20.559 And when you walk contrary to God's will for your life, he gives you the freedom to do it. 00:11:20.639 --> 00:11:30.159 You can walk away from him, but you fall under the natural judgment of living your life apart from how your life was designed to live. 00:11:30.399 --> 00:11:32.480 Cycle of blessing, cycle of judgment. 00:11:32.639 --> 00:11:41.919 In the book of Judges, chapter two, it says this the Lord raised up judges who saved them, Israel, from the power of their marauders, but they did not listen to their judges. 00:11:42.000 --> 00:11:46.080 Instead, they prostituted themselves with other gods, bowing down to them. 00:11:46.240 --> 00:11:50.480 They quickly turned from the way of their fathers who had walked in obedience to the Lord's commands. 00:11:50.559 --> 00:11:52.399 They did not do as their fathers did. 00:11:52.559 --> 00:12:00.559 And whenever the Lord raised up a judge for the Israelites, the Lord was with him and saved the people from the power of their enemies while the judge was still alive, cycle of blessing. 00:12:00.720 --> 00:12:06.799 And the Lord was moved to pity whenever they groaned because of those who were oppressing and afflicting them. 00:12:07.279 --> 00:12:17.039 And whenever the judge died, the Israelites would act even more corruptly than their fathers, following other gods to serve them and bow down and worship to them. 00:12:17.200 --> 00:12:21.360 And they did not turn from their evil practices or their obstinate ways. 00:12:22.000 --> 00:12:34.399 And throughout time, when you read the history of the Jewish people, God would send these different judges and prophets and priests and sometimes even kings, and he would speak through them to the people of Israel. 00:12:34.480 --> 00:12:35.200 And what were they doing? 00:12:35.279 --> 00:12:37.919 They were pointing them back to their identity. 00:12:38.320 --> 00:12:39.519 You have to be able to see it. 00:12:39.600 --> 00:12:43.200 You're the people of God, a chosen vessel used to bring redemption to the world. 00:12:43.360 --> 00:12:58.399 And they would remind them of who they are and who God is, and they would they would escape this judgment and come back under the blessing, and the the judge or the prophet or the priest would die and they'd get distracted and they'd go after the things of the world and they would move back and they would be stuck in these cycles and on and on and on it would go. 00:12:58.480 --> 00:13:00.399 And it's like, how do we get this right? 00:13:01.919 --> 00:13:03.840 The chosen people of God couldn't get this right. 00:13:03.919 --> 00:13:05.919 How do we get this right? 00:13:06.799 --> 00:13:16.159 And the first thing that you need to know is that God has chosen his church, that we are now the vehicle to bring hope and redemption and salvation to the entire world. 00:13:16.320 --> 00:13:26.240 We find ourselves in the same place, and maybe you think, how could Israel, who saw the actual power of God, who saw miracles, who saw wonders, and how could they go after something else? 00:13:26.480 --> 00:13:32.240 It's like, for those of you who are here and you believe in Jesus, do you not realize that you have moved from eternal death to eternal life? 00:13:32.399 --> 00:13:33.519 Has God not given you hope? 00:13:33.600 --> 00:13:34.799 Has he not stepped into your life? 00:13:34.879 --> 00:13:39.120 We've seen the power of God and still we stray and still we get caught in these cycles. 00:13:39.200 --> 00:13:46.399 And yet Israel would be so far off and they would call out to God and he'd hear them because he's just, but he's love. 00:13:46.639 --> 00:13:56.960 And maybe you're so far away, and there's been times in my life where I'm so far away, I'm so wrapped in all of these different cycles because I'm living under the judgment of just trying to turn my life away from God. 00:13:57.039 --> 00:14:00.559 And God hears you and He wants to help you come back. 00:14:01.200 --> 00:14:02.799 Last week we talked about our identity. 00:14:02.960 --> 00:14:05.840 Israel would lose a sense of their identity, they'd get off course. 00:14:06.080 --> 00:14:10.399 We talked about getting a picture of who we are becoming, and today we take the next step. 00:14:10.639 --> 00:14:13.919 Our word for identity actually comes from two Latin words. 00:14:14.320 --> 00:14:19.120 They kind of merged them together, and that's where we get our sense of what it means to find our identity. 00:14:19.279 --> 00:14:23.120 The first Latin word is identitum, which means repeatedly. 00:14:23.279 --> 00:14:26.960 This is the Latin word for just over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. 00:14:27.120 --> 00:14:30.399 The second word is essentius, which means being. 00:14:32.399 --> 00:14:44.240 Like, like here's a word, the ontological reality of who you are, the core of who you are, who you are in the inside, your soul and spirit, your being, your your essence. 00:14:44.960 --> 00:14:46.879 These two words we get identity from. 00:14:47.039 --> 00:14:50.480 Identity literally means repeatedly being. 00:14:51.519 --> 00:14:59.679 The more you repeat an action, the more you repeat a behavior, the more you reinforce your identity. 00:14:59.919 --> 00:15:04.559 In other words, your habits become the proof of your identity. 00:15:04.720 --> 00:15:10.879 You don't just wake up someday and never had a drink in your life and start identifying yourself as an alcoholic. 00:15:11.039 --> 00:15:20.559 It starts with repeated behavior, with one drink and five drinks, and as many drinks as it takes every day to numb you from whatever pain you're trying to escape, and pretty soon you're dependent on it. 00:15:20.799 --> 00:15:26.720 And it happened over time, and every single repeated behavior is reinforcing the identity that you are. 00:15:26.799 --> 00:15:30.559 You're an alcoholic, you need alcohol, it's how you survive. 00:15:31.360 --> 00:15:35.039 James Clear says it in a beautiful way in his book, Atomic Habits. 00:15:35.120 --> 00:15:44.639 He says, Every action you take, every action you take, is a vote for the type of person that you wish to become. 00:15:45.519 --> 00:15:47.679 And this is why we have to see it first. 00:15:48.240 --> 00:15:51.519 If we can't see the picture, we can't line out the process. 00:15:51.679 --> 00:15:58.240 But once we see who we wish to become, then now we have something to line our actions up to in every action you take. 00:15:58.399 --> 00:15:59.440 It's a vote. 00:15:59.679 --> 00:16:07.519 It is not only telling the people around you, but more importantly, it is telling yourself this is the person I am becoming. 00:16:07.679 --> 00:16:19.279 Last week we made some declarations over our life, and today we're gonna walk into applications because if you can really change your habits, you can begin to see change in your life. 00:16:19.519 --> 00:16:29.200 Over the years, scientists have tried to take this very difficult concept of behavioral science and present it in a way where people like you and I can actually understand it. 00:16:29.279 --> 00:16:32.399 And what they came up with is something called the habit cycle. 00:16:32.720 --> 00:16:34.240 We're gonna kind of walk through this today. 00:16:34.320 --> 00:16:39.279 It's a three-part cycle that if you can understand, you can start looking at the cycles that you're stuck in. 00:16:39.440 --> 00:16:41.759 If you can understand the cycle, you can break the cycle. 00:16:42.000 --> 00:16:44.000 If you can break the cycle, you can change your habits. 00:16:44.159 --> 00:16:47.200 If you can change your habits, you can begin to see change in your life. 00:16:47.360 --> 00:16:49.840 The habit cycle starts with a cue. 00:16:51.039 --> 00:16:59.919 The cue is what we're gonna spend the most time focused on in this series because what the cue does is it triggers, it creates a trigger. 00:17:00.159 --> 00:17:03.440 And if you're not piecing it together, uh, this series is called triggered. 00:17:03.519 --> 00:17:05.680 We're gonna be looking at the cues, the triggers in your life. 00:17:05.839 --> 00:17:08.480 It triggers a craving in your brain. 00:17:08.559 --> 00:17:15.680 And once you have a craving in your brain, your brain is wired to do whatever it takes to satisfy that craving. 00:17:15.920 --> 00:17:21.920 Triggers are stimulus all around us, and most of our life is happening at a subconscious level, and most triggers are subconscious. 00:17:22.000 --> 00:17:27.200 They don't show up and knock on your door and say, hey, uh, I'm I'm a cue, I'm a trigger, I'm gonna create cravings in your life. 00:17:27.279 --> 00:17:33.759 They're gonna kind of take you just a little bit off center of where God has you headed, and pretty soon down the road, five years from now, your whole life is gonna be ruined. 00:17:33.839 --> 00:17:36.480 No, they're they're more sinister than that. 00:17:36.880 --> 00:17:38.960 It's all around us all of the time. 00:17:39.680 --> 00:17:49.119 And the beautiful thing about your brain is it it's filtering 90% of the stimulus going into your mind right now so that you can hopefully focus on the 10% of what I'm saying. 00:17:49.680 --> 00:17:51.599 So it's happening at a subconscious level. 00:17:51.759 --> 00:17:56.000 Another author I really like, Jonah Berger, he wrote a whole book about triggers called Contagious. 00:17:56.079 --> 00:17:58.559 And there's this unbelievable study in there. 00:17:58.799 --> 00:18:06.480 He talked about how they did research, social science, and they took a grocery store here in America, just down the wine aisle, and they set up speakers. 00:18:06.559 --> 00:18:13.200 And what they would do is that uh one day they would play German music, and the next day they would play French music, and they just kept repeating it over and over. 00:18:13.359 --> 00:18:16.720 And they did it for a long time because they could not believe what they were seeing. 00:18:16.799 --> 00:18:21.039 They kept track of all the different wines that were sold, and and again, this is subconscious. 00:18:21.200 --> 00:18:30.079 I don't know the last time you were in HEB that you were actively paying attention to the music, but at the subconscious level, people are hearing German music and they're hearing French music. 00:18:30.240 --> 00:18:33.119 And you might be thinking, I probably wouldn't even recognize German music. 00:18:33.200 --> 00:18:34.480 Uh, you probably don't speak German. 00:18:34.559 --> 00:18:35.200 I don't speak German. 00:18:35.279 --> 00:18:36.880 This was at a grocery store in America. 00:18:37.039 --> 00:18:41.119 However, even at a subconscious level, your mind is taking in information. 00:18:41.359 --> 00:18:48.319 And maybe you've seen uh a movie that takes place, uh part of it in Germany, or maybe you've been at Oktoberfest, maybe I've seen you there. 00:18:48.400 --> 00:18:50.079 I don't know, we're not gonna judge each other, it's fine. 00:18:50.240 --> 00:18:57.839 And and maybe you've heard the German music going on in the background, and maybe you weren't paying attention consciously, but subconsciously it's all going in. 00:18:59.119 --> 00:19:01.440 And you probably don't speak French, and I don't speak French. 00:19:01.680 --> 00:19:04.480 Uh sometimes I sometimes I'm driving and people have to excuse my French. 00:19:04.559 --> 00:19:05.039 That's different. 00:19:05.119 --> 00:19:12.960 So so even if you played me a song and I couldn't tell you if it was French or not, on the subconscious level, we're storing memories. 00:19:13.440 --> 00:19:15.279 I don't know French, but I've seen Lady in the Tramp. 00:19:15.359 --> 00:19:16.160 You know what I'm saying? 00:19:18.160 --> 00:19:19.279 This is the nine. 00:19:19.599 --> 00:19:20.240 So you know what I'm saying? 00:19:20.319 --> 00:19:21.839 It's like, I know that much. 00:19:23.920 --> 00:19:25.279 American grocery store. 00:19:25.920 --> 00:19:27.920 Music playing, subconscious level. 00:19:28.880 --> 00:19:29.839 It was almost like magic. 00:19:30.000 --> 00:19:35.519 When they would play German, German, German source wines would radically outsell French source wines. 00:19:35.839 --> 00:19:39.759 When they would play French music, French source wines radically outsold German source wines. 00:19:39.920 --> 00:19:41.599 No one's consciously buying a different wine. 00:19:41.680 --> 00:19:43.680 It was so unbelievable that they just kept doing it. 00:19:43.759 --> 00:19:44.480 They kept doing it. 00:19:44.640 --> 00:19:47.519 Maybe it's just an outlier, maybe it's not real every time. 00:19:48.720 --> 00:19:51.680 We're being triggered at a subconscious level. 00:19:51.920 --> 00:19:57.119 And this is the starting point, it's the entryway into the habit cycle. 00:19:57.359 --> 00:20:03.759 Your cue creates a craving, and maybe you're not even aware of it, but the cue triggers your routine. 00:20:03.920 --> 00:20:07.920 And routine is the next step of the habit cycle. 00:20:08.160 --> 00:20:09.759 Your routine is the actual habit. 00:20:09.920 --> 00:20:14.079 And so when I ask you, what are you doing in your life that you don't know why you're doing it? 00:20:14.160 --> 00:20:17.200 But it just keeps repeating, and you're sick and tired of it. 00:20:17.440 --> 00:20:21.119 And when I ask, what don't you do that you want to do? 00:20:21.359 --> 00:20:25.680 This is a routine that you see that could be healthy, but you're struggling to get it into your life. 00:20:26.160 --> 00:20:29.440 This is the action, the thought. 00:20:29.759 --> 00:20:35.200 The cue creates a craving, and the routine is how we try to solve it. 00:20:35.920 --> 00:20:38.960 This is often beyond our level of awareness. 00:20:39.279 --> 00:21:03.359 But the danger is when we try to make change and when we start with the question of what do I want to change in my life and what do I want to see different, and we just focus only on behavior and we're not focusing on something deeper, and we're not looking at our identity when we don't actually understand how behavior works, then we think it's just about routine, and we say, listen, I just, you know, I kind of eat too much, and we focus on the routine, and so we read another diet book, and we go on another seminar, and we sign up for Gold's Gym, only to spend a year's worth of membership and never go one time. 00:21:03.440 --> 00:21:05.440 Like we're just looking at the routine. 00:21:06.319 --> 00:21:08.079 But that's not where it starts, it starts with a cue. 00:21:08.160 --> 00:21:13.279 It triggers our mind, it takes us to the routine, and the routine leads us to the reward. 00:21:14.799 --> 00:21:28.799 And the reward is the motivating factor of the whole process, it's the end result, it's what everything's building towards, and the cue creates a craving, and it triggers us to try to satisfy it. 00:21:29.119 --> 00:21:35.759 The routine is about actually obtaining the reward, and if the reward is powerful enough, it will do two things in our life. 00:21:35.920 --> 00:21:44.720 The first thing it will do is it will temporarily, and if you're taking notes, write that in all caps, it will temporarily satisfy your craving. 00:21:45.039 --> 00:21:48.160 If the reward is strong enough, it will temporarily satisfy your craving. 00:21:48.240 --> 00:21:52.319 The second thing it will do is it will close the cycle. 00:21:54.160 --> 00:21:59.759 You see, what happens is when we trigger a craving, we walk through a routine. 00:22:00.400 --> 00:22:08.640 That actually brings a reward of satisfying the craving, then we begin to associate the reward with the trigger. 00:22:10.640 --> 00:22:16.559 And so often we we look at someone who's struggling with overeating and we think, man, you know, this is simple. 00:22:16.720 --> 00:22:17.759 Stop eating so much. 00:22:17.920 --> 00:22:31.039 Like, like maybe if you if you stop eating, you know, then you don't put as much in your body, and then over time you won't be quite as as hungry, and you gotta eat breakfast because you're not eating breakfast, and then you're not, you know, sparking your metabolism, and if you'll just take this miracle pill, then all of a sudden you won't be so hungry. 00:22:31.519 --> 00:22:36.400 And we're trying to look at all the things that could affect the routine, but we're missing it because it's a cycle. 00:22:38.720 --> 00:22:44.880 And for a lot of people, the the trigger for overeating isn't hunger, it's insecurity. 00:22:45.759 --> 00:22:48.319 And every single thing in your life feels out of control. 00:22:49.519 --> 00:22:56.400 And so maybe you've tried other routines to feel secure in your life, and they have fallen short, they haven't brought the reward. 00:22:56.480 --> 00:22:58.640 And you may not be able to control most things, man. 00:22:59.119 --> 00:23:04.960 You're always on the chopping block in your job, and you don't know if your marriage is gonna work out, and your kids are rebellious and everything's out of control. 00:23:05.039 --> 00:23:06.079 But you know what you can control? 00:23:06.240 --> 00:23:07.599 You can control food. 00:23:09.279 --> 00:23:20.400 And so you're insecure, and you try a new routine, and you eat, and you eat whatever you want, and you get the dopamine rush, and you get the sugar hit, and you get the sugar high, and all of a sudden it brings a reward because there's something you're in control of. 00:23:21.440 --> 00:23:28.799 And you know what's hard is that the cycle of habit only cares about immediate satisfaction. 00:23:29.519 --> 00:23:32.799 And so on the other side of your reward is a consequence. 00:23:33.200 --> 00:23:41.920 And you've overeaten because you're insecure, and now you have some control, and for a moment, you briefly feel secure because you were able to put your hands on something and actually make it do what you wanted it to do. 00:23:42.319 --> 00:23:58.400 But you know, on the other side you're miserable, and you're watching yourself become more and more unhealthy, and you have a doctor's visit, and they tell you if you don't make some changes, something bad's gonna happen, something's in your future, diabetes is coming, cancer is coming, something is coming, bypass is coming, like something bad is gonna happen. 00:23:58.559 --> 00:23:59.519 Well, now what? 00:24:00.640 --> 00:24:10.319 The cycle's closed because all those realities do is make you more insecure, and now your lack of health is just one more thing outside of your control. 00:24:12.400 --> 00:24:17.839 And when your insecurity is triggered, the only thing that you know that works is eating, and so you go back to it. 00:24:18.000 --> 00:24:29.599 And now the reward of feeling secure is closed off to the trigger of feeling insecure in the routine of eating, and the cycle closes, and we don't know why we can't break free. 00:24:30.640 --> 00:24:36.400 If you're writing things down, you need to write down what is rewarded is repeated. 00:24:37.599 --> 00:24:39.519 What is rewarded is repeated. 00:24:39.599 --> 00:24:53.279 The reason that the cycle closes is because when your craving is rewarded, you will repeat it, and your mind will remember, and your mind will do whatever it takes to trigger you to get you back in the routine that brings it the temporary relief that it's searching for. 00:24:53.839 --> 00:25:00.240 Let me give a little bit more of a complex example where two people's habit cycles are in opposition to each other. 00:25:00.319 --> 00:25:04.079 And this is something that a lot of you in the room will instantly be able to identify with. 00:25:04.480 --> 00:25:11.119 And the theme of this is parents, you have to, have to, have to tell your kids no. 00:25:11.279 --> 00:25:12.079 Let me tell you why. 00:25:12.319 --> 00:25:16.960 And I know so many of the parents in here are like, you're you're dang right, you're doing all these other parents. 00:25:17.039 --> 00:25:17.680 No, it's you. 00:25:17.839 --> 00:25:18.240 It's you. 00:25:18.400 --> 00:25:19.839 You have to tell your kids no. 00:25:20.000 --> 00:25:30.079 And here's what happens: you're in Walmart and your kid wants a toy, and you didn't come for a toy, and you're trying to do Dave Ramsey, and you got a budget, and you can't afford a toy, you came for hamburger helper, you're eating on the cheap. 00:25:30.160 --> 00:25:31.920 You used to eat steaks, but you got a budget now. 00:25:32.000 --> 00:25:34.960 You came for a hamburger helper, and your kid wants a toy, and you tell them no. 00:25:35.119 --> 00:25:37.039 Your no is a trigger. 00:25:38.640 --> 00:25:46.319 And it triggers a routine in your child to have a nuclear meltdown in the middle of Walmart. 00:25:48.160 --> 00:25:51.759 And you think, what is up with this kid's behavior? 00:25:53.200 --> 00:25:54.880 Well, it's just a routine. 00:25:55.920 --> 00:25:58.160 And you said no, and it triggered the routine. 00:25:58.400 --> 00:26:02.640 And the routine is in desperate search of a reward. 00:26:03.519 --> 00:26:06.160 And kids' brains aren't all the way formed yet. 00:26:06.400 --> 00:26:11.039 They don't know what else to they can't, they can't talk through your budget with you and find wiggle room. 00:26:11.119 --> 00:26:11.680 You know what I'm saying? 00:26:11.759 --> 00:26:13.519 Like they don't have those skills. 00:26:13.839 --> 00:26:15.200 So they have a meltdown. 00:26:16.640 --> 00:26:18.319 And now you're triggered. 00:26:18.640 --> 00:26:20.799 Because the meltdown is your trigger. 00:26:21.359 --> 00:26:22.720 And the kid has a craving. 00:26:22.799 --> 00:26:25.759 When you say no, their craving is to turn a no to yes. 00:26:25.920 --> 00:26:29.039 And their routine is to have a meltdown and have a tantrum. 00:26:29.200 --> 00:26:31.039 And their tantrum has now triggered you. 00:26:31.200 --> 00:26:39.279 And you are craving to just melt into the floor, to push your kid and run away and hope that they think that he belongs to whoever you push them to. 00:26:39.359 --> 00:26:40.640 Like that's your whole goal. 00:26:40.880 --> 00:26:41.839 I just went out of this. 00:26:41.920 --> 00:26:44.480 I just went out of Walmart without anyone calling CPS on me. 00:26:44.640 --> 00:26:45.839 Like that's that's it. 00:26:48.960 --> 00:26:50.079 So, what's your routine? 00:26:52.240 --> 00:26:54.319 Because you're desperate to get out of the situation. 00:26:55.599 --> 00:26:59.039 And so often our routine is to say no, triggers our kid. 00:26:59.119 --> 00:27:01.039 They have a routine, they have a meltdown, triggers us. 00:27:01.119 --> 00:27:01.680 We went out of it. 00:27:01.759 --> 00:27:04.400 We just want relief, we just want to get out of Walmart without kicking our kid in the head. 00:27:04.480 --> 00:27:06.480 Don't judge me, you don't have a kid if you don't believe me right now. 00:27:06.720 --> 00:27:13.279 And so you're like, ah, fine, fine, fine, can have the toy. 00:27:13.519 --> 00:27:14.960 And that's the routine. 00:27:16.079 --> 00:27:25.839 And they're pacified, they get what they want, they turn a no to a yes, you get what you want, because your tiny terrorist has calmed down. 00:27:28.400 --> 00:27:31.359 And seemingly, you both leave happy. 00:27:31.759 --> 00:27:32.799 That's great. 00:27:34.079 --> 00:27:40.000 And hopefully you just wrote down what is rewarded is repeated. 00:27:41.440 --> 00:27:49.359 And so for temporary relief, you have now closed the cycle for your kid. 00:27:50.400 --> 00:27:58.559 And now, the next time they want to change a no to a yes, they will escalate the routine that has already worked for them. 00:27:58.720 --> 00:28:02.559 And they will escalate it and escalate it because they have found your breaking point. 00:28:02.720 --> 00:28:05.200 And your kids are smart little manipulators. 00:28:05.359 --> 00:28:11.519 And what they'll learn is maybe you can say no at home, but you can't do it in public, and so they'll just wait. 00:28:12.240 --> 00:28:15.200 They won't ask for things unless people are around. 00:28:20.079 --> 00:28:34.480 And they grow up to be adults who are entitled and believe they deserve everything, and if they don't get it, it blows their mind, and they will throw a fit, thinking that the world will bend to their desires because what is rewarded is repeated. 00:28:34.880 --> 00:28:41.200 They've closed the loop, and they found their identity as someone who can manipulate to get their way. 00:28:42.079 --> 00:28:43.759 It's very complex. 00:28:44.640 --> 00:28:53.440 And if we're only looking at routine, then we think we're good parents because we calmed down the situation, we said no, and then we said yes, but on the way to the cash register, we said, Oh, why are you such a brat? 00:28:53.519 --> 00:28:54.480 You're such a brat all the time. 00:28:54.559 --> 00:28:57.359 Well, you're too old, you're acting like a baby, and we think we've been good parents. 00:28:57.440 --> 00:28:58.319 And they're like, you know what? 00:28:58.400 --> 00:29:00.000 I might be a baby, but I'm a baby with a toy. 00:29:00.079 --> 00:29:00.640 You know what I'm saying? 00:29:00.720 --> 00:29:02.000 Like, they don't care. 00:29:03.279 --> 00:29:06.160 You're reinforcing negative behavior. 00:29:10.640 --> 00:29:14.319 They're a lot dumber than we give them credit for, and they're a lot smarter than we give them credit for. 00:29:14.400 --> 00:29:19.039 And and and it's all running on habits, and you're shaping them. 00:29:19.599 --> 00:29:22.799 And every action is a vote for the person your kid's becoming. 00:29:24.319 --> 00:29:30.880 And every cycle that we close in their life is one that they're gonna struggle to break free from when they get older. 00:29:31.440 --> 00:29:32.640 It's very difficult. 00:29:32.880 --> 00:29:37.680 And maybe you're like, I get that there's a reward, but there's also always a consequence. 00:29:38.160 --> 00:29:46.960 Like, if you're in the habit of drinking to the point of intoxication, um, you know very clearly that there are gonna be some wicked hangovers in the mornings. 00:29:47.119 --> 00:29:48.400 It's like, what about the consequence? 00:29:48.559 --> 00:29:52.720 Like, like you get it, like the drugs hit and you get that high, and that's certainly a reward. 00:29:52.799 --> 00:29:57.039 If it wasn't a reward, you wouldn't be doing it, but man, the shame on the other side of it. 00:29:58.000 --> 00:30:00.240 It's like, man, yeah, it's another hookup, you know. 00:30:00.400 --> 00:30:02.640 It's another affair, you got another little power trip. 00:30:02.880 --> 00:30:05.119 Man, on the other side of it, it's like there's real consequence. 00:30:05.680 --> 00:30:07.359 And where does that fit in? 00:30:10.240 --> 00:30:14.319 And you see, your habit cycle can't see past the immediate. 00:30:15.519 --> 00:30:22.240 And the reason that your consequence doesn't matter to the cycle is because consequence happens at the conscious level. 00:30:22.799 --> 00:30:27.839 And your subconscious drives you all the way to the temporary reward and then drops you off and lets you deal with the rest. 00:30:28.880 --> 00:30:37.200 Your subconscious doesn't care about your consequences, it is hardwired to deliver the immediate reward. 00:30:37.519 --> 00:30:41.599 You know, it's a beautiful thing that so much of our life is kind of on autopilot. 00:30:42.000 --> 00:30:45.599 It's a beautiful thing that so many things are automated and that so much of our life just runs. 00:30:45.680 --> 00:30:54.559 Like if every day you had to had to actually consciously think about blinking so your eyes don't dry out, it would be really difficult to be as productive as you are right now. 00:30:54.720 --> 00:30:56.720 All kinds of things get automated in our life. 00:30:56.880 --> 00:31:00.640 The first time you moved into your house, you walked into a dark room and you had to look around. 00:31:00.880 --> 00:31:01.759 Is the switch on this side? 00:31:01.839 --> 00:31:02.400 Is the switch? 00:31:02.480 --> 00:31:02.880 Is it high? 00:31:03.039 --> 00:31:03.519 Is it low? 00:31:03.680 --> 00:31:06.000 Maybe the second day that you walked in, you had to look one more time. 00:31:06.160 --> 00:31:06.799 Where was that switch? 00:31:06.960 --> 00:31:08.480 By the third day, it's automatic. 00:31:09.279 --> 00:31:11.200 Q, it's dark. 00:31:11.279 --> 00:31:12.079 I want to see. 00:31:12.240 --> 00:31:14.160 Routine, flip a light switch on. 00:31:14.400 --> 00:31:15.920 Reward, I can see. 00:31:16.079 --> 00:31:18.960 It's all the habit cycle, and it's all instantaneous. 00:31:19.039 --> 00:31:24.240 And if every single morning you woke up with a full bladder and forgot where the light switch was, you would be in trouble. 00:31:24.400 --> 00:31:26.160 Like it's good that it's automated. 00:31:29.680 --> 00:31:32.799 But we also are in these deadly cycles. 00:31:34.880 --> 00:31:37.680 And some of you are like, I don't get it because I'm a good person. 00:31:38.799 --> 00:31:44.480 But somehow I'm I'm in this cycle where I just keep abusing my prescription medicine. 00:31:45.039 --> 00:31:45.839 And I hate it. 00:31:45.920 --> 00:31:46.720 I hate myself for it. 00:31:46.880 --> 00:31:49.839 I hate that I do it, I hate the shame on the other side, I hate the guilt. 00:31:50.000 --> 00:31:51.920 It's just a cycle, you know? 00:31:52.240 --> 00:32:01.279 These cycles of addiction, these cycles of depression, these cycles of pornography, these these cycles of just these sexual conquests or cycles of affair. 00:32:01.359 --> 00:32:09.279 It's like if we don't understand the cycle, it can be almost impossible to break the cycle. 00:32:09.519 --> 00:32:14.880 If we can't break the cycle, we can't change our habits, and most of your life are running on habits. 00:32:17.200 --> 00:32:18.319 And so, what do we look at? 00:32:18.400 --> 00:32:23.359 We look at our routine, we look at the thing we're not happy with, and I think it's time that we go deeper. 00:32:23.680 --> 00:32:25.119 And so here are some questions. 00:32:25.440 --> 00:32:32.240 If you immediately come to mind, like the first question is what are some unhealthy routines you have? 00:32:32.400 --> 00:32:37.440 These are the actual habits, these are the things that you're doing or the thoughts that you're thinking that are unhealthy, and you know it. 00:32:37.599 --> 00:32:40.240 When I keep saying the question, why do I do what I do? 00:32:40.400 --> 00:32:41.599 It comes to mind. 00:32:42.319 --> 00:32:43.920 Why don't I do what I want to do? 00:32:44.079 --> 00:32:45.680