Manage My Wedding Podcast

From Stress to Success: Finding Calm Amidst Wedding Chaos with Mell 'B' Balment MMW 211

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The rollercoaster of wedding planning emotions, my own story echoes through each decision—from choosing flowers to standing my ground amid a sea of family opinions. My guest, belief hacker Mell 'B' Balment, joins me to share the essentials into maintaining your sanity and self during this testing time. Together, we discuss how setting boundaries and effective communication can keep your dream vision for your wedding intact, despite the push and pull of tradition and family expectations.

Mel and Yvette talk through the customs that have long defined weddings, questioning their relevance in today's celebrations and advocating for personalisation. In this episode, we aim to bolster your courage to challenge the status quo, ensuring your wedding day feels as authentic as the love it's celebrating.

Mel touches on strategies for managing stress and emotions and If you're weaving your way through the wedding prep maze, looking for both logistical and emotional guidance, this episode is your compass to serenity and enjoyable planning your way.

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Yvette Sitters:

Welcome to the Manage my Wedding podcast, where we believe your wedding is the most important time in your life and you deserve to feel supported and organised when planning the wedding of your dreams. I'm your host, yvette Sidders. Hello, welcome back to the Manage my Wedding podcast. This week is a very different type of podcast episode than normal. We all know that we get engaged and everything is so super exciting. Then we start to plan and then we start to deal with family and friends and opinions and the stress of all of that and financial stress, just everything. It's a lot.

Yvette Sitters:

I wanted to bring somebody on to the podcast this week that understands, that gets it. That is she's. I think she's a powerful woman and I think that she is going to share so much with you in this episode. She is a deep belief hacker. She is a game changer in energy, mindset and subconscious mastery, and her mission is empowering women to conquer their belief storms to achieve their hidden dreams. She's an expert for empaths. She understands that unlocking sensitivities is the key to independence and empowerment and creating lasting legacy and impact. So welcome to the podcast, mel.

Mell 'B' Balment:

I'm so excited about this one. I've done a lot of podcasts, but this one's so close to my heart because I'm a fiance too.

Yvette Sitters:

Congratulations. When are you getting married?

Mell 'B' Balment:

We're looking at November 24.

Yvette Sitters:

Okay, that's fearless. So that's like a year away from when we're recording.

Mell 'B' Balment:

Yeah, I am a divorcee and I did the bootstrap wedding and now I want my dream wedding.

Yvette Sitters:

Yes, don't we all? We deserve it, everyone deserves it.

Mell 'B' Balment:

Well, not everybody wants a big, dreamy wedding and that's okay too, each to their own, yeah.

Yvette Sitters:

But it's your own dream wedding, right, like everyone. What that term is so different for everyone. But yeah, we all deserve to have what we want.

Yvette Sitters:

So true, yeah, one person's dream is different from another and is equally amazing and wonderful, and romantic and gorgeous all the juicy stuff and I said that like what we want, because everyone knows I talk about it on a lot of the podcast episodes actually on most and how important it is to have what we want and not what somebody else wants, because then we're not happy on the day, then we're more stressed in the lead up and then we look back on the day having some regrets sometimes, which is super, super sad. But unfortunately we know weddings like bring up oh, they bring up so much for people. The stress of planning a wedding is often mostly brought on by family opinion, advice and everyone telling us what we should and shouldn't do. It's really disheartening but it just happens. It brings these people out that you didn't know existed before. It brings out this side you wish you didn't want to see. Why do you think that is Mel?

Mell 'B' Balment:

That's a good question. I'm thinking back to Mike because I have the joy of reflection of what went differently from what I wanted first time around, but what causes? I think it sounds a cop out, but I think often it's not being really clear on our own boundaries and what we will sway on and what's not, and maybe communicating that from the start. So why is it so stressful? Sometimes it's the finances and bringing all that together Absolutely, completely legit, feel it Absolutely, but I think some of the other times it's how do we manage these other opinions or requests or demands in a way that honours us, and especially if it's family members or in-laws who are being selfish, I would say, about their expectations on your big day? So why does it happen. What's your question?

Mell 'B' Balment:

I think people have some egos and there's unrealised dreams that they're trying to perhaps make sure you fulfil in your day because they didn't get it themselves or they wanted themselves. So often it's from what I call OPPs, other people's priorities and as soon as you can discuss those and not let it kind of get dug under the carpet, perhaps you can claw it back and go right. Well, I know this is really important to you and I think that's the key of the communication. I'm hearing you, I'm responding to you and I'm letting you know honestly how it lands for me. I hear inviting anti-Nora's mates who's 100 years old is really important to you. That costs me X per head for somebody who I don't know probably won't see again. Is there a way that we can manage anti-Nora's cousin so that they can attend Because, quite frankly, there'll probably be a sleep in the middle of it? So how do you manage that?

Yvette Sitters:

by clean discussions, yeah it's actually, would you say. I'm right in saying I often say to brides it's their story, not yours.

Mell 'B' Balment:

Absolutely Other people's priorities is their view of the world. Like we were saying about the dream at the start, your dream wedding is not somebody else's dream wedding, but it's not wrong, it's just different and that's often the other people's priorities is. I've got different priorities, so I'm not dismissing that's important to you, but I am going to discuss it with you because if we don't talk about it, it's going to go nasty, yeah.

Yvette Sitters:

So what happens then when they discuss it and they're like, well, that's what I want, that's what it's going to be, because that does happen. A lot.

Mell 'B' Balment:

I think it comes back to how you communicate it and we'll circle back on that and how much you value this thing enough to put a boundary in line, a line in the sand. A boundary in place, sorry, and hold true to whether it really is important to you or whether you're fighting for something just because you don't like them. Or if you're like, well, I've never given it thought, but I don't want to do it. You're with some subconscious things we actually have been considered and that can cause that real stuck in the mud, and I'm not fluid about this. So how do we do that? The number one thing I learned years ago when I used to be a dating coach is when you're having conflict, we've got to remember there's always three truths, and what I mean by that is you've got your truth, your perspective, your reality, the other party has theirs, and then there's something in the middle. This is an element of truth that comes from both of you. So when we come we've heard it a lot put yourself in the other person's shoes. Sometimes we have to get ourselves in our own shoes of understanding. Why am I so hard and fast on this? And the way to communicate is the emotions. So what I mean by that is mother-in-law, I get that you want to invite these other five people to the wedding because they're your lifelong friends and they helped raise me as a child or helped raise partners as a child, but that adds $700, $800 on to our overall bill and we would rather spend that somewhere else. So that's a logical explanation. And so like no, they're coming.

Mell 'B' Balment:

You're like, okay, can we compromise? And with the emotion saying, well, I really would love to spend it on this or these people instead. This is what's important to me and I get there, important to you. So can we compromise? Or are you prepared to understand how important it is to me and the emotion of I'm feeling really conflicted, I'm feeling out of alignment with your decisions and the way I want to take the wedding or the guest list or whatever is going on. It has to be communicating.

Mell 'B' Balment:

This is making me really unhappy, really sad, frustrated and not blurted out with those emotions but calmly, approach going. This is really stressing me out. I feel really conflicted with you wanting this when I want this. Can we compromise? Ultimately, is it worth the pain? Pick your battles, choose Is important for them to be happy on the day, kind of, because if they're going to be whining and complaining, how do we manage that? Okay, you know what? You can have three of your friends, not five of your friends. We'll put you over the quiet, non-musicy end of the room and then we'll have our friends. This is all right or wrong? Being your truth, being honest about how you actually feel, is usually the best strategy, without emotion. Talk about your emotions. Don't bring your emotions into the discussion.

Yvette Sitters:

Yeah, I like how you worded that too, explaining to them that this is how I feel. This is what's important to me for my wedding getting them to try and understand that. What about in the scenario and I don't know why, but this has come up a lot lately and I'm getting this actually asked I can't even. I think I've had four people just in the last week tell me this and it's the situation where the bride hasn't had much to do with the father all her life growing up, but he is insisting on walking her down the aisle. She is so worried about how she's going to offend him, even though she's I don't even know him, like most people know their fathers. So how do I manage that? It's a really hard thing to let that bother down.

Mell 'B' Balment:

Okay, so what? I should have started at the start of this whole conversation with the caveat of I'm highly independent. I left home at 15. I've never really had to compromise on family boundaries being pushed upon me, so I do want to let people know it's easier for me to say some of these things, but I do help coach some of my clients through their own issues on these sorts of things, not specifically weddings.

Yvette Sitters:

But we'll get to that later.

Mell 'B' Balment:

So the family member that's estranged but wants to come to the wedding. So there's a couple of things why are they estranged? What's the dynamic that's caused that separation? Because that can be used in the discussion going like this. Let me put it this way so I've got a couple of people who want to do my makeup. I work for myself and there's a bunch of people around me who have their own businesses and I know there's a couple of ladies all want to do my makeup on my wedding day and what it came down to is how do I want to feel while my makeup's being done? What kind of atmosphere do I want to generate? Who I will literally want in my face on the morning of. And then I picked that person going oh, you're going to make me feel really relaxed, calm, and it's not that the others won't, but just that energy is who I want. She's a little bit high vibe. I want to feel excitement and that's how I chose. If you want someone else to walk you down the aisle, maybe that's a way of saying I want a really solid rock, that I know I can have a little moment of tears or have a stress moment, and they've got my back.

Mell 'B' Balment:

The other discussion point perhaps depends on where you are on the feminist spectrum. I'm a feminist, proud flag bearing, absolutely is. I'm not having anybody walk me down the aisle. No, I have not been given away, I'm not an object, I'm not being handed over to my fiance. I just don't subscribe to that model at all. That's my view, that's my opinion.

Mell 'B' Balment:

But I have had somebody saying, can I? And he didn't know the word is can I escort you down the aisle? Can I assist you down the aisle as well? We're not actually having an aisle, but yes, you can be that person there for me who's going to put all the nerves and you've got a heart, get goose bumps thinking about everybody's going to be watching you in that moment. This is your one moment to shine. Who do you want standing beside you? And for the photos? Let's be real, let's be a little bit more about this. If there's a video, do you want their stony, awkward face next to you? Or do you want somebody who's oh, my God, you are a princess, a queen, you are just, and they're celebrating with you because they care about the groom more than they care about the status of walking down.

Yvette Sitters:

Yeah, yeah, so important, so that you and I are polar opposite, because my dad is like my best friend, I love that, I love that, and so I was like I'm having my dad, but I agree with you on the whole giving away. I'm like, oh my gosh, how old school as well. Like my dad did not feel like he had to give me away. He just wanted to proudly be with his daughter and I was like leaning on him in that moment because I was emotionally.

Mell 'B' Balment:

we're both crying. We've got to be dressed on. We can't see because of the fricking veil in her eyes.

Yvette Sitters:

Yes, yes, and I was leaning on him, not emotionally, physically, everything and he had me and imagine doing that with somebody that's you don't really know that well, of course.

Mell 'B' Balment:

It's wrong, I think it's. Look again, I say it's easier said than done, but if we can lead with a conversation going, look, I just don't have that heart connection with you that I would like on the day. Is there something else that we can include you in that makes you feel special? But for that aisle I want someone who understands. We love our big boys, but some of them are a bit clumsy. I don't want a grandpa or whatever walking down and stepping on my train and fricking, pulling my head veil off, and then we want somebody that we can really, I should say, lean on. So I think if you come to this discussion from that point of view, it's not that you know you and I don't like you and you've got no place Like this is what I need, and I'm not sure you're the best fit for that because we don't really know one another that well. Would you like to make the speech? Would you like to Do some other key part in the service?

Yvette Sitters:

They can sign the registry because that's just a witness.

Mell 'B' Balment:

It's just a document, it doesn't matter.

Yvette Sitters:

Yes, yeah, you can still give them a good seat, and they can even get up and give you a kiss at the end of the aisle and that's it, instead of walking you Like there's so many other they can hold the flowers.

Mell 'B' Balment:

They can actually do something Like this whole. Everything must be done this way. I'm breaking all my traditions?

Yvette Sitters:

Oh, totally there's no. Traditions are glong on. Traditions are not. I mean, some things are fun, like something blue. Some people find that fun because they're like oh, I like blue, I can put blue shoes on, or I know that you wear a fabulous blue with your orange at your waistwear. So sometimes, like it suits us some of these things, but just thinking that we have to do things because they're traditional, it's no, so it's just wrong. It's not how it is anymore. That is not your own wedding, is it? That's right.

Mell 'B' Balment:

I've started looking into all of the traditions and where they are originated from, and there's many. Unlike what the actual how did that ever become a thing that was accepted by society? Anyway, says Mel, who might be having a white dress, I get it. I get it.

Yvette Sitters:

I think I did a whole episode on traditions. Oh, let's do that when they came from and most of it. I think I'm laughing through the whole thing because it's just hard to believe.

Mell 'B' Balment:

But there's a point that we can take back to them and say do you realize? The tradition of walking me down the aisle actually means this, and that is not how you raised me, or not how I've been living my life, and, sorry, that doesn't fit with how we want the day to go. So that finding the tradition of what somebody's hard or fast on can also help.

Yvette Sitters:

No, I love that. That's a great piece of advice. That's fantastic. You can use that. That's a good way to get out of some of these things too, isn't it? The other thing I suppose that comes creeps up a lot is my mom is wonderful. We've got this great relationship. We've had such a wonderful relationship all this time, but since I got engaged and I'm planning my wedding, she's turning into this crazy person and she's having an opinion on everything and she's become a nightmare. You know that happens a lot. Yes, I mean again, that's their story, but, like you explained, it's from things, probably from the past, right, that creates that.

Mell 'B' Balment:

I'll share one that I've got with my mom-in-law. So she does Japanese flower arrangements and she's a teacher on this, so it's an important thing. Live flowers, it's really abstract in the containers and they're really kind of artistic. Yes, loads, artificial. We've got a couple of artificial that look really nice in the corner Loads, them Like almost at the point of tutting and judging it. It's just hey, girl, that's your stuff.

Mell 'B' Balment:

I don't care, I like the fake plans. But for my bouquet I am having a brooch bouquet Absolutely non-negotiable, it's what I want. More bling and I've made the bridesmaids already. I am very crafty, I used to make jewellery, so I'm really good with the Shrotsky components. And when I told her in a very gentle way, the Convict sessions, that went something like Jill, I know that real flowers and your echibana is really important to you, but I've got this vision for my outfit and I probably won't be having real flowers. And she was like whoa Bit of tongue, I have to say, because I was able to pre-frame her just enough that she didn't snap in response and she kind of bit her tongue and I said but if there's a way that we can incorporate my favorite flower, which is the Kala Lily, into it, then maybe that's an option. I don't think the two will combine in different shapes. I don't think so, but that's my compromise. But you can do all the other flowers Don't care.

Mell 'B' Balment:

These are the concepts. These are things that, of course, will have discussions, but flowers are beautiful Whatever they come in. You can do your thing. We'll come up with a table. We're going to have each other. The table is going to be different. So, the point being, I found where my hard line and it wasn't an option. We didn't discuss it. I told her gently this is what I am having, but I know that's probably not going to be what you want. Here's my compromise. If we can make it work, it doesn't. So you come in with saying this is actually a discussion. I'm not asking for your opinion, don't need it, don't want it, but I'm coming with consideration for what they would like to offer. Like she says, I'm paying for all the flowers. Great, no problem with that.

Mell 'B' Balment:

Go hard, and I think it's coming from respect for the other person, because they want to contribute, they want to do something, especially our moms. The girl wedding is a dream and remember, they come from a past generation. Generally, most of our moms come from still that old school of what all the traditions are. They never question it, never. It's us that have the problem. We're the ones breaking all the traditions that they don't even understand why often. And so if we're educating them, then I want to have a brooch bouquet because it's sparkly and that's me and it's going to work with my dress. I might compromise and give it the toss bouquet could be a real one, maybe the flower girls or the bash them. But I could compromise further. Maybe on the cake table I could say yeah the cake, yeah Table centerpieces.

Mell 'B' Balment:

Yes, and it's understanding that traditions are very important to them. So how do we honor them, especially if they want to pay and I know it can be so hard and if they are, for example, mom or dad's going to pay for the dress, so therefore, they get an input to it? I love say yes to the dress and sealing all the conflicts between well, I'm paying. Therefore, I get a say and it's well, you know what. Honestly, I will pay for it myself. You pay for the food, you pay for something? No, I want to pay for the dress. Well, no, I have to have the final say.

Mell 'B' Balment:

If you're saying you have the final say to take off the price, this is not going to work out. Perhaps beforehand, or if it's during the decision making, you're going, I'm going to pay for my own dress. Thank you so much. We'll find a way. That's important to you, but I have to wear this. You got to choose your wedding dress, or maybe you didn't. Is that my problem that you didn't? Because grandma interfered with you? So it's all about the understanding where they're coming from and deciding what's worth holding your ground for yeah, which discussion is worth a battle and which isn't, yeah.

Yvette Sitters:

So, turning it now on its head and thinking about the person getting married and the emotions that all these things cause and the stress that it can do to us, the lack of sleep, just the overwhelm, and feeling stuck with their planning, because really they're just emotionally caught up in everything that's going on how can they best try and manage their own emotions? It's a lot for some people. It's a lot.

Mell 'B' Balment:

I think the first thing to do is understand what the primary cause. Now we can say it's things like money. We can kind of just default without really exploring. Why Is it? Because fundamentally I wanted this thing and I can't afford it. So now I'm feeling compromised in everything else. I feel it's not my day because this one thing that really was my personality, my style, all my values coming through and that is actually just taking and adding a shadow to everything else. So that could be one thing.

Mell 'B' Balment:

How else can we manage our emotions and stress? I'm a project manager by trade. I love a spreadsheet. There are apps out there. I think there's a really good one called Manage my Wedding and you use those tools to get stuff out your head.

Mell 'B' Balment:

So how does overwhelm and stress happen in our mind? Let's get a little bit kind of practical here. We know we have a monkey mind, an ego, a crazy circus, whatever new language is. We know we've got that going on. Every single human unless they're unconscious, in a coma, and even then it still happens have drama playing out. The best way to address the drama is to write it down, which is why journal.

Mell 'B' Balment:

I'm not a journaler, but that's why journaling is so popular and common. But if you write down got to sort the tables or that's what's running through your head and you don't do it, or you don't at least acknowledge it, from left brain to right brain you're thinking about it and you have to acknowledge it. It doesn't matter if you're left or right handed, that is what acknowledges. I will get to that. It's getting out of your head and going. I'm parking that. Yes, I hear you. It's like a annoying teenager or child actually. Todd, look, got it Shut up. I will get to it. When I'm the human, I get to make the decision. You're just a fricking energetic noise Shush. I talked to myself like that a lot when she gets a little bit out of control.

Yvette Sitters:

I love it. I love it.

Mell 'B' Balment:

When it's documented, when it's literally transferred from thought to logic. It's a neurological process. You're getting it out of your head. Then, when you're ready to look at it, you're breaking it down into the tasks. Sometimes even I'm like oh, I've got all these things to do. Actually, that's only going to take three minutes. Why was I making this a thing? Yes, it's a hard. Three minutes it's still just a three-minute task. Why am I putting that off? Actually, allocate a bit of time. My favorite thing to do is you get your calendar and you mark it somewhere that you're going to do it. You might not work on your final table plan, Maybe the week before, maybe a month before, the numbers, the factors. You're going to do your different drafts and you mark it out. Then your brain's going okay, logically, we're going to get to that. That's one way of managing stress.

Yvette Sitters:

What about managing the emotions that come from the family?

Mell 'B' Balment:

Okay, I'm an empath's empowerer. What does that mean? Many of us kind of know we're an empath, even if we don't know how it works or why or any of that doesn't matter. It's really important we protect ourselves. Now I hear things like being an empath is a curse. I can't leave the house without a meltdown when I come back. What that suggests to me is that somebody doesn't know how to protect themselves from external influences. That also applies to other people's emotions OPE. So you go, opps and OPEs. All OPs are bad because there's other people. So how do we protect that? Some people have heard about the parking bubble. You put a bubble around your car when you're parked and it'll protect it.

Mell 'B' Balment:

We need to do that sort of approach for ourselves, especially when we're having discussions or if we're leading into a discussion about a wedding hot point. Again, that pre-framing going. Okay, we're going to talk about this. We're not necessarily going to see eye to eye, just saying that to the other person. That start is called framing. It's letting them know there's going to be a bit of an RG bargy opinion here, a lot of fast responses.

Mell 'B' Balment:

When it catches people's guard, it's like I'm not having flowers. What do you mean? You're not having flowers that does not respect them, and actually build rapport with the person that you're actually, even if you don't like them. You still have to build rapport because they're going to be coming to the wedding and you can't have got to have them at least pleasant. Everybody likes a sourpuss sitting in the corner of the room like I didn't like the wedding by including them but framing them up as this is our wedding, even though you're paying for this thing. This is what we choose. Please don't take my choice away, our word choice. I'm saying me a lot. It's us, this is our future, this is how we want to set ourselves up for the next chapter of our life. Those sorts of phrases might help diffuse Navigate narcissists. Absolutely, that's a whole different discussion. We'll park that one. There's probably a bit more one-on-one work to help navigate narcissists.

Yvette Sitters:

I did have a bride just last week, tell me her mother is no longer coming to the wedding and is uninvited, and she is never going to speak to her again. She's finally done what she should have done her whole life and we're talking narcissistic behavior, which is a real thing Very sad.

Mell 'B' Balment:

It's kind of like a me too movement, changing topic slightly. The more we're aware of it, the more we're aware of it. Sometimes it takes something like a wedding. You're like I'm actually seeing you or you're truly showing your full colors. I'm aware of that, and she got to choose. I'm not accepting that in my life. That's not how we operate, and if you're not going to change, which clearly obviously gets to that breaking point, then you're just a person that I don't respect. Why would I invite somebody I don't respect to my own wedding? Hell, no, no, ladies, gentlemen, no, you don't like them, you don't respect them. Why would you spend a couple of hundred dollars to have them in the room with you? Would you pay for the dinner if it was just a normal night out? No, why would you pay even more by the time you work at the Cosper Head? No, no.

Yvette Sitters:

Yeah, did. I say no, no, I keep saying it. I agree, I agree, I am all for it. I agree with you. I think there's comes a point where you can make that call. Sometimes it's hard and people don't know where that line is.

Mell 'B' Balment:

I want to add to that. Yes, it's really easy to be strong when you're not around them. I just got this download of yeah, I feel like that. And then we have a conversation and I cave Two things. How do you back that up? You have someone with you and you say this is where I stand, this is why I believe this or feel this. I really want you to back me up, and sometimes it's not your best friend because they don't know how to deal with conflict themselves. Sometimes it has to be somebody who you trust will speak up with consideration, respect and say hang on. What Mel has just said is ABC, and it sounds like you haven't heard her. It sounds like you're disagreeing with her and that's not really fair for her day. So you want someone who can back you up.

Mell 'B' Balment:

The second thing is a bit of practice saying it to yourself out loud or in the mirror, and saying the statement that you want to make to this person out loud. Again, you're transferring from your thought to your logic. You're like I don't want real flowers in my bouquet. You say it with forceful to yourself. So then, when you say it aloud to the person, you don't have to use the same force. You've instilled it into yourself. It's called embodiment, Even bodied, the phrase, the belief, the value. You've voiced it, You've released it to the world and then, when you say it to the person, it's not like the first time you've ever articulated it.

Yvette Sitters:

I like that. That's great advice. It's really good, and we all just have Mel with us to have these conversations.

Mell 'B' Balment:

Well, we're working on that aren't we?

Yvette Sitters:

Because I feel like, yes, we are working on that, we've got something coming actually, don't we? We're nice at the end.

Mell 'B' Balment:

Yes.

Yvette Sitters:

But I think that some people do need that support system to help them through that, because it's tough for some people. I think we get stronger as we get personal growth and as we get older and as we know more who we are and what we want, but sometimes it's a bit of a work in progress to get to that point right, that's a lot easier said than done.

Mell 'B' Balment:

I'm just going to give you grace again. It's a lot easier said than done.

Yvette Sitters:

Yeah, what about? This is going quite extreme now, but sometimes weddings can raise a lot of childhood trauma, which is something I can really notice from people who are struggling to get past issues or to move forward, or they just want to give up the wedding planning. They're like I don't even want to do this. What's the point? Because it can raise a lot of that. But sometimes it's new to them that they didn't realise that it's as heavy as what it was until they get married. Like we said, weddings bring up everything.

Mell 'B' Balment:

Look, I don't want to take it down to the dragon's den, but I'll go there and I promise that we won't stay there. But I was raised with child abuse. That's why I left home at 15. Thankfully that abuser is no longer alive. Absolutely would not be invited to the wedding anyway.

Mell 'B' Balment:

But some of the issues people might be jumping to the conclusion like oh, that's why you're feminist. No, I'm a feminist because it's important that women have equality and when our childhood stuff comes up, one obviously it's a great time to deal with it. When it's been lifted and that can take a professional to help you with that and it comes up for a reason, you're actually ready. If stuff is niggling and knocking at that vault door that is being behind, that's the perfect time. And sometimes clearing it, which doesn't have to be hard and onerous months of inner work facing these demons. If it's coming up and knocking and kind of just scratching your awareness, perfect, you are ready. It would not be anywhere in your awareness if it wasn't ready.

Mell 'B' Balment:

And wouldn't it be wonderful to address that stuff and let that stuff go before your wedding day so that you can show up in all of your fine-erying, glowing, gorgeousness of love, which is what the day is about. It's about a union between somebody that you have chosen unconditionally to love and to receive in return. And if there's something in your past that was not that, what a better way to clean that closet out like go of those demons and go. That no longer serves me. That's the old me. They fell in love with me. Anyway, I'm not damaged, I'm not flawed. Whether they know about this stuff or not, I think it's a perfect time to bring all that stuff and release it.

Yvette Sitters:

Yeah, and release it I can. I was privileged enough to have a session with you. Let's just touch on it. My listeners know I do talk about the fact that I get anxiety from time to time. I had a beautiful upbringing and my parents are wonderful, but I get anxiety from time to time and it can sometimes be quite debilitating in the sense that you can feel so tight and you don't know why and you don't then function properly, which happens when wedding planning as well. And I had one session with you and, oh my gosh, what a release. Like, honestly, one two hour session and I haven't only an hour. The first one.

Yvette Sitters:

Oh, there you go, and I'm telling you that it's hard to explain, but I haven't had that same anxiety feeling since in the stomach and the heart and the chest, that tightness. I haven't experienced that feeling since and it was just clearing stuff that shouldn't have been there really. Isn't it Like those thoughts that are like kind of touching on you but they're not really real and I'm so grateful for that. So, thank you, thank you so much. It's so nice to not have that feeling in your stomach and your gut often anymore. It's an amazing feeling to release that.

Mell 'B' Balment:

I just want to respond to the statement you made around. I shouldn't have had those feelings. You're human and we will feel emotions. Otherwise we're robots and I don't know about you. But I don't wanna live like a robot alien. I wanna feel everything, because the more I understand my emotions and feelings, the richer my life is, the deeper I can love. And so with my childhood drama because I addressed it, it meant on my wedding day, which was why did I get married? I got married 20, oh my Lord, that's 20 years gonna, wow, feel old I was able to experience love at a deeper level because I'd started the work.

Mell 'B' Balment:

I've done obviously, a lot more in the last 20 years and we've gone into this societal kind of language of you shouldn't feel a certain way. Don't let the heaviness come, or and I challenged those statements because without understanding those heavy, dark, negative, angry, whatever the emotions, how are we supposed to move through them? It's acknowledged them. I'm spearing anxiety and I think I need to manage this. I need to let go of this. I need to do something with it so it doesn't keep coming up and, as you say, debilitating me.

Mell 'B' Balment:

Why would you wanna live a half life? Because of a set of energies emotions in energy, in motion, emotion. It doesn't have to be hard or traumatic and you don't have to relive the trauma in order to address these things. So I just wanna catch the shoulds and you must and you shouldn't, and all of those demands on ourselves. We're human, feel you humanists, try not to get stuck in it, but if you do get some help, anyway, that's bringing it back to the wedding, especially on the wedding day feel it, acknowledge it, give it air time. But we're not gonna go there today. My darling inner child, we'll look at this tomorrow. Today's not the day. Today's my day. Your fears, your stuff, I promise we will get to that. Thanks for bringing it to my awareness. But today is about love. I'm only available for love, emotion today, thank you, love, and above joy, happiness, all the rest of it. So that can be a way you can manage yourself in the moment if it's not appropriate to feel the feels and process.

Yvette Sitters:

Yeah, I love that when you're explaining not today. I remembered the moment that I got out of my car when I arrived to the ceremony and I remember the listeners know this but I called my wedding off six weeks before I was meant to get married with my first beyond. Say you can do that. Okay, there you go, six weeks before I knew I was knowing the wrong person and the best thing decision I ever made. But I'd been through a lot, I'd experienced a lot. I knew what I really want. I really knew what love was.

Yvette Sitters:

When I met James and when the car pulled up at the ceremony I couldn't see him or the guests because I had to go up and around to see them. I remember the vehicle stopping and I remember just, I just burst into tears, like just it was intense. It was a lot of emotion, a lot, and all my bridesmaids and my dad just froze and they all looked at me and they'll instantly are you okay? I think they thought I was crying. You're gonna pull it off again, yeah, and I was like I couldn't speak and then I was explaining and all I could get out was I'm just so happy to be here, I'm just so happy to be here and it was actually just letting out all these emotions. I swear from all those years as well where I was unhappy. I think I was releasing, going. I'm here, I'm right where I need to be right where I should be in this moment. That is all gone and it's like a you should see me, I'm like on electric.

Mell 'B' Balment:

Oh, beautiful.

Yvette Sitters:

I get it too when I talk about it. But it was like a rebirth, right, yeah, right, it was just an amazing feeling and yeah, I just pulled myself together and I stepped out of that car and I had the biggest grin. It was like that moment had never happened. But yeah, it was just like in this insane release. It was weird that it was right in that moment, or perfect, yeah, yeah, I think it was meant to be right. Everything's where it happens, where it's meant to happen. Yeah, so emotions are okay, absolutely.

Mell 'B' Balment:

And yeah, challenge anybody who tries to make emotions wrong.

Yvette Sitters:

Yeah, they're good for us. They're good for us, yeah.

Mell 'B' Balment:

For me too.

Yvette Sitters:

Yeah.

Mell 'B' Balment:

I don't think we have to go from negative in order to experience the joy. That's not what I'm saying. No, but if you have negative, then you can enjoy the joy more when you clear the negative.

Yvette Sitters:

Yes, absolutely, I agree, and I'm feeling the joy from you. So, thank you, thank you, welcome. Now. Mel and I have been talking and we are very excited that we got something coming that we think could benefit. Well, we'll benefit all you beautiful brides planning. 90% of 95% of my listeners are brides, so we'll talk to the bride Room's welcome also. But we know that we can both help you, and often I believe that someone like Mel is needed as much as myself, the planner. So, while I am the spreadsheets and the checklist and this is how you do this and this is how you do that Mel is this beautiful package of empath and mindset and just all those moving parts that we need emotionally. So, mel, where can they join a little wait list for what's coming?

Mell 'B' Balment:

I know. So we've been since we met. When you meet someone you're like oh, you're like the best I didn't have, I didn't know I needed. But here you are and we got talking around some of these challenges that we touched on today and we came up with this concept that we're still fleshing out between how you can work with the planner because she's gonna be planning my wedding too and how I can help with the mindset. As I just explained, how can we make a little package for that and you can have there'll be a couple of different point price points so you can have just get through the low challenges.

Mell 'B' Balment:

One icky discussion, help me with that. So we'll have a couple of price points so that you can get all the support you need To help you have that amazing, beautiful wedding day that you deserve, absolutely deserve. So the code is going to be we'll share it in the link and we'll put it on there, but it's MMW for mind manage my wedding, heighten waitlist. Mmw heighten waitlist. I can't remember where the front part will be. I don't do all that stuff. That's my assistant. We'll get that to you. We'll probably have it on both our websites. That might be easier, but we'll put the links in the show notes and QR codes is what.

Yvette Sitters:

I'm trying to point out somewhere. Yeah, no, we can put them all in the show notes. Definitely, and I'll definitely place it to manage my wedding academycom. Slash MW heighten waitlist. Perfect Done. Thank you, Mel. I would really love the listeners to come and follow you and find you because you just oh, you just make people feel amazing. Truly you do. You're just radiant. You've helped me so much personally and I watch you help so many other people live their best life. Where can they come and find you? I'm on.

Mell 'B' Balment:

Insta Code, I'm on Facebook, I'm on LinkedIn Because it's Mel B, m-e-l-b-l-m-e-n-t. That's just too hard to spell sometimes, so I just put the QR codes for my socials. Mel Bcom I had to make my website super simple, mel Bcom, and if you go to contact in there all of my socials, you can send me emails, you can send me a WhatsApp, all of the ways you can reach me are on melbcom. Forward slash contact and all my social links are in there as well.

Yvette Sitters:

And I'll pop them in the show notes as well, so they can refer to those easily.

Mell 'B' Balment:

I think I need to make up some sort of resource. Maybe there will be one on there. I'll think about that.

Yvette Sitters:

What's the best way of serving. Do that, do that Well. Thank you so much for chatting with us today. I'm just such a big believer in the mind when we're wedding planning and ensuring that we're happy and enjoying the planning and that we show up on the day our best self, because that shows. It really shows. It's not just, oh, she's. That bride is glowing because she lost all that weight. That is not it. It is. She is glowing because she looks so happy. That is what gives that glow, is the happiness and that radiates, and I truly believe that the mind has so much to do with that as well. So it's been a pleasure talking to you today. Thank you so much for sharing all your beautiful wisdom with the listeners.

Mell 'B' Balment:

It's been a delight. I've really loved it, and if I can help in any way, just reach out folks. Thank you.

Yvette Sitters:

Hello, it's Yvette just popping back in here after that amazing conversation with Mel B. She truly is incredible. She just understands how to help us navigate stressful times and anxiety and, honestly, if you are looking to foster harmonious relationships with your partner, bridal party and family, you know building like a strong support system that enhances the joy of your planning and your wedding celebration and you want to learn mindfulness techniques to cultivate calmness, allowing you to navigate stress and anxiety with grace, ensuring that you save it every moment of the planning process and honestly take advantage of Mel's offers. She has popped into the show notes. You can see all the links. There is some personalized coaching sessions and there's a package that she's giving us at an amazing price If you listen to the Manage my Wedding podcast, and there's also one off session.

Yvette Sitters:

So if you want to book a session with her and, honestly, you want to get a resilient mindset because we all know weddings bring up sometimes the worst in our family and friends as well but if you want to get really effective at communicating and feeling inner peace within yourself during your wedding planning, but also for your future forever then you really need to head to the show notes, click on those links, take a look and book in a session with Mel B.

Yvette Sitters:

You will not regret it and I know this personally because of the sessions that I have with Mel B. I have them with her fortnightly because they've made such an impact and a difference to my life. And I'm telling you I was an anxious person before doing sessions with Mel B and now I don't even remember the last time I've had anxiety. So, yeah, it's a pretty incredible feeling. So, anyway, I hope you enjoyed that podcast episode. I absolutely love bringing to every week really solid gold information that is really going to help you with your wedding planning and I feel like this week's episode is just one of those that is in like my top 5% of favourites that I know is going to really help you. So everyone, until next time, enjoy being engaged and staying stress free and organised while planning the wedding of your dreams.