84: Building a Healthy Relationship with Yourself, in Christ

Do you like being alone? Are you feeling lonely because you are alone?  Hi, I'm your host, Lyvita Brooks, and this episode of Hanging Out with Jesus Podcast is all about finding strength in solitude and nurturing an empowering relationship with yourself. We'll discuss how being alone can offer opportunities for personal and spiritual growth. We'll also talk about the difference between being alone and being lonely.

As we transition into the second part of the episode, we'll delve deeper into the importance of developing a healthy relationship with yourself, with Christ as your guide. I'll share four key suggestions on establishing this vital bond and challenge you to spend time alone with yourself and God every day. We'll also talk about the transformative power of prayer and the resources available to you for spiritual growth. So whether you've been wrestling with feelings of loneliness, or yearning for ways to embrace your alone time, this episode offers a fresh perspective and practical suggestions. So join us now as we intentionally hang out with Jesus, because the journey is so much better when we do it together in Christ.

Resources Mentioned on the Episode and suggested reading & social media handles:

·         Nugget’s Book Club

·         Fortified Coaching Program 

·         TheHill.com

·         15 People Who Chose To Stay Single by Elizabeth Yuko

·          

Calls to Action:

·        Sign up for The Me Project Academy Newsletter for resources on developing disciplines to help you grow in Christ, prayer and new releases of the podcast. 

·        Website: www.hangingoutwithjesuspodcast.com

·        @hangingoutwithjesuspodcast (Instagram)

·        @themeprojectacademy (Pinterest)

·        support@themeprojectacademy.com (for comments)

·        www.goodreads.com/lyvitabrooks

Thanks for listening. I pray this episode was a blessing to you. Leave a comment or rate this episode . Then pass it on. Share this link: https://lyvitabrooks.com/

Transcript

lyvita: 0:00

Welcome to Hanging Out with Jesus Podcast, where we equip the Saints for ministry by bringing you tips, interviews, inspiration and information on how to live intentionally and daily in Christ. For more resources, including your free newsletter, visit HangingOutWithJesusPodcastcom or click the link in the show notes. Hi, I'm Lyvita Brooks. Author, bible teacher, founder of the Me Project Academy and your host. Thanks for supporting this ministry and rating and commenting on the blog and also on whatever podcast platform you're listening, because then it makes this feel more like a conversation. If this is your first time, welcome.

lyvita: 0:52

This is episode 84. Our focus is the difference between being alone versus being lonely. Are they the same? Any advantages? What does the statistics say on this topic? How can even knowing this information about being alone versus being lonely be important to me as a believer, and how does it inform me living intentionally and daily? Well, that more is coming up Now come walk with me where we intentionally and daily hang out with Jesus In ministry news. I like to share a bit of history today, because our episode has to do with being alone, which isn't for everyone noise living with other people, like your parents or your brother and sister or your friends.

lyvita: 1:58

Some folks choose to be single and live a full life? Did you know Susan B Anthony chose to not get married or have children because being single allowed her to speak or campaign for women's suffrage without having to deal with caring for a family of her own? She was quoted as saying I'm sure that no man could ever have made me happier than I have been. Did you know that Oprah Winfrey didn't marry Stedman Graham because, as she told People Magazine in 2019, they would not have stayed married? And she says she doesn't regret not getting married Not getting married or having children? She said The Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa that has fulfilled her in ways that is best for her maternally. Now, when you think about former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, she made the statement back in 2011 that the fact is you don't get married in an abstract. You find someone that you like to be married to. That's a good point, and I'd like to add, you like to get married to someone whom you love and they love you. Okay, and together y'all want to spend the rest of your lives without either of you trying to change that person into someone that you've never been designed to be. If God's designed you to be single for life. Do so and embrace every moment of it. Don't let the world dictate to you who they think you should be, or your mother who's bugging you for grandkids. Know that God's got a purpose, hope and future for your life and, during your singleness, explore and participate in being single. This is a joy. Now, if you are going through a season of becoming or being a widow or divorce, don't become discouraged. Yeah, you gotta grieve. Yeah, yeah, she gotta grieve, but remember this is a time for you to spend time in the arms of Jesus like never before. You want to stay close to God's word. You'll find out just how awesome, loved and powerful you are just by being along with the Lord. Embrace this time God's got you.

lyvita: 4:53

What's happening in the Me Project Academy? Well, saints, I just want you to know that right now I've been doing a reset. It's in the area of my writing. I've been on vacation, I've been on my uncle, I've been doing all sorts of things like getting back on a plane, and you know my writing has been off track and I'm sure it also has to do with you know my passion. My excitement for writing became kind of dull because everything else was like crowding it out, and I know some of you might find that the summer months or unexpected events can throw you off track. Well, once these things begin to calm down, then it's time to reset. It's time to get back on track, back on your schedule, and for me, they had to deal around writing.

lyvita: 5:56

I find that having a schedule in my life with routines has been the saving grace of God keeping me. Although my schedule changes, my routines haven't Only the times in which I do them. I'm thinking that because I put so much time into being along with the Lord and finding out what the best time of day for me to do certain things, like what's the best time of the day for me to write? What's the best time of the day for me to do podcasts? What's the best time of the day for me to make phone calls. Well, I've learned these things through spending time with the Lord. I've learned these things through trial and error as well. So, saints, if ever you get the chance to be along with the Lord for any length of time, take it, embrace it. Don't let the things of the world crowd out your time. It's easy to let it happen, I know, but we have to stay focused by continuing to do our schedules and our routines.

lyvita: 6:59

I've also found that it's having a long time with the Lord that he nudges me to get back on track, and right now he's been nudging me to get back into my writing. Y'all I remember this. One day I was just talking to the Lord and I was just writing. The next thing I knew I found that I was four pages deep and enjoying writing poems and stories, so I did a reset. Now, if you're at this point in your life where you're trying to do a reset, where you have a ministry but you kind of let it slack and been doing it, you're ready to move, push it forward, to make it a business, then y'all, I have what's called fortified coaching program and it helps you to reset. Now it also helps those who have just realized that okay, god, I know what you called me to do. What's the next step? Well, it's also for you, because we all have to start at the beginning. The Fortified Coaching Program is your foundation. It's a program to design, to build your foundation so that you can sprout wherever you need to sprout. Okay, registration is gonna begin in the end of this month, september, and I put the link in the show notes and it's also on the webpage. But, saints, god has called you to something that this world needs for just for such a time as this. It's time to set the foundation so that you can go forward. Check out Fortified Coaching Program. And now there's something else that's happening in the Me Project Academy and it's called Nugget's Book Club. It's for the month of October.

lyvita: 9:10

Saints, being alone is great. It's where the idea originated for this book club. So now, being in community is great, also because it's where I grow with others as a writer and enjoy books. You gotta have a balancing in life. You know what I'm saying. So I hope you join me, because registration is gonna end in September 20th, so you need to register as soon as you can. Just come, you know, I can't wait to see what we're gonna do with the poetry slam, you know. So come register. It's open until September 20th, and also I put information in the show notes for you. So, saints, I hope you join me for Fortified Coaching Program and for Nugget's Book Club.

lyvita: 10:04

There is a lot of stigma going around about living alone and being lonely, but the problem is that people are attaching the stigma to, I think, the same thing. Living alone is different than being lonely. The reason I bring this up is because I've noticed a few people in my circle saying things like girl, you shouldn't eat by yourself, you shouldn't go to the movies by yourself. Girl, you know you wanna be married. What's that about living by yourself? What Something must be wrong with that person if they haven't got married yet? Come on, saint, seriously, all that should be over with. A person should be able to live alone, be alone and enjoy life.

lyvita: 11:02

You know, I did some reading on some statistics. Do you know that the number of Americans, according to this article I read in www. TheHillcom, says that the number of Americans who have not married by the age of 40 has soared from 10% to 25% in 2021? And y'all, there's this thing called gray divorce. That's the rising rate of marriages that dissolve after age 50. It has doubled since 1990. There are more people getting divorced after the age of 50. That's interesting. And also, nearly two-fifths of Americans are unpartnered. That means they're neither married or cohabitating.

lyvita: 11:53

I wonder if it's because people don't understand the difference between being alone and being lonely. Some people may think that being alone means you are lonely, when in essence, it's two different things. Hey, you could be hanging out with your friends and feel lonely. That's what I'm saying. It's two different things. There are people who choose to live alone. There are people who are forced to live alone. There are people who don't have a choice but live alone. And there are people who are just happy that they don't have to deal with someone else's mess.

lyvita: 12:39

Oh, saints, there are also books out there about living alone, living single and enjoying it. There's one called Wintering by Catherine May. There's another one called Sierra Meltzer, called Date Yourself a practical guide to building self-confidence and learning to love who you are the change you need. I checked out some reviews and descriptions. Sounds interesting, so if you've read it or think about reading it, let me know what you think about it. Support at www. TheMeProjectAcademycom. I appreciate it.

lyvita: 13:18

Now, before I go any further, I'd like to clear up something. We're talking about being alone versus being lonely, and I want it clear that no follower of Christ Jesus is ever alone. You are the temple of the Holy Spirit, you are in Christ, and since all three are one, god, the Father, god the Son, god, the Holy Spirit, the Godhead, is hanging out with you all the time. Believers, you are never alone. God said he will never leave you or forsake you. True, our eyeballs can't detect seeing in the spiritual realm right now, but hey, the Word of God confirms that the Lord is here with us. He's here with us, god said. He never leave us for seconds. I know some of you have been through some mess, like I've been through. Guess what? Believe it, god is real.

lyvita: 14:22

Okay, let's, let's do some debunking of this language by bugging a clear definition from my dictionary of what being alone means versus being alone. I'm sorry, let's say it again what being lonely means versus being alone? Okay, so being lonely, that's an emotion. It's an emotional state where you are feeling alone or disconnected from others, even if you are with a group of people. Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone. It describes a feeling of sadness, a tribute to not being or not having connection. It stems from feeling like our true self is not seen or understood, either by others or within ourselves. Being alone is a state of being Physically by yourself and saints. I found this definition in an article that I want to share. It's it is equating equating being alone with solitude. And guess what they say about solitude? Solitude is being alone and that Solitude expresses the glory of being alone. Can you believe it? The glory of being alone. Being alone is craved by some and feared by others. It's being content in your own company.

lyvita: 15:55

Here's the key being lonely and being alone. While they all have to do with our relationship with ourselves. Are you afraid of being by yourself or do you look forward to it? And I don't mean being alone to watch television and eat food, or or do your own thing. No, no, no. I'm talking about being quiet with yourself, dancing with just you, enjoying having fun with just you. Having a healthy relationship with yourself is just as important as having a healthy relationship with friends and family. It's called balance. Y'all, it's a balance. Having a healthy relationship with yourself is going to be a daily practice.

lyvita: 16:57

We need to take time to enjoy who we are, and you do that in Christ. So how do you do that? How can you be alone in Christ? How can you enjoy whom you are? How can you enjoy being in the presence of God? Remember, saints, I said to you that, as believers, we're never alone because we're in Christ, because the Holy Spirit's in us. So here's some suggestions I have for you on how to be alone, how to enjoy your long time with yourself and your God. So I have four suggestions.

lyvita: 17:48

One recognize who's talking in your head. Yeah, all right. If the thoughts are negative, call them out and toss some scripture on them. You know to cast them, to make them flee. That means, if you hear, you know you don't have time for this mess. Or you hear, girl, you are already too pretty to waste your time or spend time with yourself. Saints, speak boldly and with confidence. 1 Corinthians 6-9 to 20 says my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, and if Jesus thought I was good enough to die for and send the Holy Spirit to be in me, the least I can do is get to know him, who was also involved with the making of me. So, saints, recognize is talking in your head.

lyvita: 18:48

Number two keep promises to yourself. If you said you're going to eat the ice cream after you finish your work, then eat the ice cream after you finish your work. If you said you purchased an RV once you retire, why don't do so? My point is whatever you have told yourself, promise yourself, then do it. Number three acknowledge where you are. This is a good one. So take time to make peace with your past and come to terms with your reality. You see, if you left, if you left an abusive situation, give yourself some time, but forgive the person who has abused you and then accept that right now you are in a one bedroom apartment with your friends sleeping on the couch, when you just left a two story house with a view of the ocean. You need to know how and why you got where you are and accept that. Then it's time to say well, lord, what can I do to change it? Number four this is this one everyone should know Study God's word.

lyvita: 20:12

Being alone gives you time to dig into God's word for direction, comfort, love, assurance, peace, forgiveness, hope and a future. Like Jeremiah 2911 says, it was Jesus custom to go to a solitary place to commune with God. There he was alone. There he fell a ship with the father. There he remembered who he is. There he received instruction. There he became refreshed, restored and revitalized in his mind, his being. So take those four suggestions acknowledge who's talking in your head, keep promises to yourself, acknowledge where you are and study God's word. These four things will help you have a healthy relationship with yourself and develop a deeper relationship with your Lord.

lyvita: 21:11

There are so many advantages to being alone or living alone. I just got four. I mean, I'm sorry, I just got five. One a long time maybe all you need to get back on track to thinking clearly and feeling better about yourself. Two it increases creativity. Even small amounts can have big effects on your productivity and create and creative abilities. Four strengthen your relationship with others.

lyvita: 21:42

Wow, when you take the time to be alone, getting to know enough about yourself and who you are and who you are in Christ, ah, you can be comfortable enough to be around others and enjoy them without trying to be who they think you should be. Ha ha ha, oh, yes. And number four being alone makes you comfortable in your own skin. And number five I like this quote when you find yourself on your own, take the time to unwind and recharge, cause it's good for your soul. Ha, ha, ha ha Say.

lyvita: 22:28

I challenge you for the next couple of weeks to block off a long time, be intentional about it and do it daily. Where you are not engaged with texting, chatting and talking with others. It's time to take time, to spend time with yourself, really getting to know you and Christ. Being alone is a good thing and when you think about being lonely, y'all. That's an emotion. It's an emotion, and if you feel that emotion, then you share that with the Lord. But as you're sharing it, remember you're not alone. You are not alone, cause he's right there listening. He just wants you to get quiet enough so you can hear his voice.

lyvita: 23:20

Alright, saints, let's pray. Thank you, father, god, for our bodies that were made in the image of you. Here's how to guard our time, our long time, with you and continue growing in the wisdom and knowledge of who you are and whom you made us to be in you. For as in Jesus' blessed name, we pray with much thanksgiving. Amen and Amen. Thanks for listening. Saints, if you enjoyed this episode, then please consider subscribing to the podcast rating and reviewing it. This helps in moving it forward to being heard by more believers. Also, if you haven't done so, get your free twice a month newsletter to keep up with new releases of the podcast, monthly activities on how to live intentionally and daily in Christ. Also information on Nugget's Book Club and the Fortified Coaching Program, and so much more. All this and more can be found, including my contact information, on www. hangingoutwithjesuspodcastcom or the show notes. So, until we meet again on the airways, intentionally and daily hang out with Jesus. Thanks.