98: 5 Ways to Stop People Pleasing and Start Self-Caring

Have you ever felt the weight of the world on your shoulders, agreeing to every request out of fear or habit? Your level of anxiety increasing because you want to say "No" but afraid of losing your job or respect from others? Lyvita sheds light on the toll that people-pleasing can take on you being all God's called you to be. This heart-to-heart aims to empower you to gracefully decline and embrace the beauty of putting your well-being first. We confront the myths surrounding selfishness when it comes to self-care and discuss 5 ways to reclaim your divine purpose by bravely uttering the smallest yet most powerful word: "no."

Resources Mentioned on the Episode and suggested reading & social media handles:

• SOS Help For Emotions book
• Color and Pray book
• Lyvitabrooks.com/contact
• The Me Project Academy Email Newsletter: FREE

Calls to Action:

·        Sign up for The Me Project Academy Newsletter for resources on decluttering your mind in order to grow in Christ, academy news and new releases of the podcast. 

·        Website: www.hangingoutwithjesuspodcast.com

·        @themeprojectacademy (Pinterest)

·        support@themeprojectacademy.com (for comments)

·        YouTube Channel: Hanging Out With Jesus Podcast

Thanks for listening. I pray this episode was a blessing to you. Leave a comment or rate this episode . Then pass it on. Share this link: https://lyvitabrooks.com/

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Saints, I got a treat for you today. Uncle Quincy is joining me on the podcast. So, saints, do you feel a need to please? Does it seem like you are the one always giving out at the expense of your own self-care? You know you need to go to the doctors, but can't because you have to take care of or help someone else. What about on the job? Are you doing over and above work because you feel you need to impress someone in order to get ahead? So you do extra work, and even unrelated to your job, in order to be accepted and validated and approved by those over you to promote you?

Speaker 1: 0:57

Are you a people pleaser in your marriage, doing everything your spouse wants and always wondering when it's going to be your turn to do what you want to do, or accepting stuff you know isn't right in your marriage? In order to keep the peace, wise women, do we feel the need to take care of everyone else and have everyone else succeed at dispense of losing the love God placed in us for ourselves, to love ourselves, to take care of our individual self, unashamed and unselfishly. By the way, what's wrong with saying no or not at this time? Who told us that saying those things were being selfish, inconsiderate and harsh. Here's my point we are so busy helping others get to where they need to be and in the meantime, we are holding ourselves back from doing what God's called us to go and do. So the question lies how much of yourself are you willing to give up, lose, in order to please others so they can be all God's called them to be, at the expense of you not doing the same? That's our discussion on this episode, with tips on how to recognize when you're trying to please others, how to reduce the urge so you can stop, and how to hang out with Jesus to build up your confidence to more of a God pleaser than this.

Speaker 1: 2:47

Now on to the intro. Welcome to Hanging Out with Jesus podcast. The podcast is teaching you how to spend time with with God in order to declutter your self-talk intentionally. Hi, I'm Lovita, author, bible teacher and speaker on a mission with the purpose to help the saints break free from the things that distract us from doing what God's designed us to do, and one of those things is being a people pleaser. This is episode 98. I pray this episode awakens your senses to the truth of who you are and who you belong to, so you can let go of the lies and embrace doing what you are called to do.

Speaker 1: 3:39

Let's get started, ladies. Let's be clear. We are not super women, nor are we invincible. None of us wear capes, except the mommies, grandmoms and aunties playing with their young. We cannot do it all, nor were we designed to do that. That's why the word delegate is so important, and God has given us so many different gifts and talents for us to help each other out. We do not have to be there for everybody all the time and at every time and every place, or the world will stop spinning. Now that I got that out, because I felt that, even if I didn't say it, we might think we are when we know in the back of our heads that we are not. We are better. We are prayer warriors, women of God.

Speaker 1: 4:48

I want to make sure we are on the same page about what a people pleaser is. It's a person who consistently strives to please others, often sacrifice their own wants or needs in the process. Yeah, that's a people pleaser. They are someone who cares a lot about whether other people like them and always wants others to approve of their actions. Sounds familiar For me. I would find myself saying yes when I should have said no and having to adjust my schedule several different times to accommodate everyone. I'd learned that being confrontational in my own house would not help be a good thing to do, so I began to silence myself for the sake of peace, not realizing that it was filtering in other areas of my life.

Speaker 1: 5:54

You see, people pleasing can make you sick, and anxiety is one of those clues that you have or have overextended yourself. It's just easier to keep everyone else happy while you make yourself miserable, resulting in illness that you are too tired to take care of yourself, and sometimes these illnesses can stop you in your tracks. Saints, we don't even know that we are doing it, people-pleasing sometimes because we have been doing it for so long. The core of people-pleasing for some is just feeling that you aren't good enough just as you are. Let me say that again the core of people pleasing for some is just feeling that you aren't good enough just as you are. People pleasers never really get to know themselves. Pleasers never really get to know themselves. They find it difficult to know the authentic, the real, the precious. The God made you because you have been pleasing others more than knowing yourself. People pleasers are constantly being someone else or saying things you might not believe or resonate with you. Keeping silent when you want to speak up, you are portraying someone you are not and holding back the real you so you won't be rejected or hurt. This can lower your self-esteem.

Speaker 1: 7:42

Saints, I want to be clear. I'm talking about people pleasing pleasing others at your sacrifice. People pleasing is connected to anxiety or being obsessed about every word a person says to you. It's unattainable because it affects the body and it becomes exhausting. This is how one can get confused about their identity. Because they want to please others, be a part of the group and advertently begin to convince themselves that they are something or someone they are not. Like following your family to continue the gardening business when you really would be happier designing dresses with flower imprints.

Speaker 1: 8:35

Now, some of you might be thinking. Matthew 22, verse 39, tells us to love our neighbor as yourself. Verse 39 tells us to love our neighbor as yourself. So our question to you is so who are you? How can you love someone, like God is instructing you to do, when you don't love yourself? Your first mistake is that you aren't treating yourself the way God's treating you. And if you are treating people better than you at the expense of you, then you are not honoring the God who made you. You are just as important as everyone else. You are not any good to anybody If you aren't taking care of yourself.

Speaker 1: 9:33

Saints, we will get back to the episode, but I wanted to share that next month we will be celebrating our 100th episode and the major transition that occurred in my life to propel me into the trust zone. If you want to know what's happening on future podcast episodes, learn more about planning productivity and getting organized, with weekly encouragement so you can go and do what God's called you to do, then sign up for our email community. It's free Links in the show notes. Now back to the episode. So here is how you can make a shift from being a people pleaser to more of pleasing God so you can be whom he designed you to be, without sacrificing self for others. First, you need to be totally honest with others and yourself. This will result in lasting relationships, which consists of being vulnerable with each other and trusting each other, with each other and trusting each other. But, saints, being honest with yourself, that's also developing within you a confidence in Christ, a confidence in who you are, you get to learn you and remember you're hidden in Christ. So, therefore, whom do you go to to learn more about you? That's right, the word of God, okay?

Speaker 1: 11:13

Second, facing what you are afraid of. Oh, and this is a good one, y'all. Facing what you are afraid of. You never know what will happen what you are afraid of. You never know what will happen if you don't try. Face your fears by disputing it.

Speaker 1: 11:32

I've been reading this book called SOS Help for Emotions. It was recommended to me by my therapist. You see, it's not the situation that upsets you, but your beliefs about that situation. The coulda, shoulda, woulda, what ifs. I can't take this awfulizing and condemning self-talk is clogging your thoughts. This is why we have to dispute the emotion when it arises, because it helps you face your fear. So let's take my fear flying. I don't have it now, but I did so. It was to the point where I refused to fly unless it was an emergency, and then my anxiety levels were on high alert. So when I confronted those fears, we're on high alert. So when I confronted those fears, shared what happens and how it made me feel I pivot. By disputing the thoughts that were arising from the fears, I reminded myself that it's not the situation that is upsetting me, but what I believe and tell myself about the situation. I tell myself that I can deal with it and begin to analyze my self-talk, asking the Holy Spirit to help me.

Speaker 1: 12:55

A third shift in learning how to go from people pleasing to being a more authentic you is learn how to say no without being mean. It is so important that you learn to confidently say no, without getting upset, defensive or looking like you're really saying yes. Yeah, that last one, because sometimes we can say no, but our body, actions and everything else is saying yes. So how, how do we do that? After the person has asked the question, take a deep breath and hear yourself saying calmly no. Then look them in the eyes and say no, no explanation, just no. And if they bug you, let them know by saying that is my final answer. Then move on to another topic, even leave, if you find that they are disrespecting your wishes of not returning to a conversation you just answered. Stand up for yourself. A fourth shift that you can do is turn up the voice of the Holy Spirit louder than the voices of others by hanging out with Jesus. This means Bible study, memorizing Bible verses. Praying in the spirit.

Speaker 1: 14:35

Hey, I purchased this book called Color and Pray. It was a prayer on one side and a picture to color on the other. I thought it was interesting so I tried it. I got it from Barnes and Nobles for about $9.99. Saints, I used the prayer as a starter and when I finished coloring, I've prayed about so much on my heart and you know what it was really calming. I didn't realize that that could actually work to calm you, to get things off of your heart, to focus on the needs of others. Y'all that was a blessing. And you see, there are times when, when doing this, I actually stopped talking and just listened and I could just hear. You know the impressions that God was putting on my heart, the things that he wanted me to chew over and over and over. It was a blessing. And at one point I just got an epiphany and I wrote it down real quick. It's like whoa. I'll put the link for it in the show notes Now, just in case you're interested. I put the link in the show notes. I put the video in the community email. I put the video in the community email.

Speaker 1: 16:08

Fifth way to shift from being a people pleaser to more pleasing God, so you can be whom he designed you to be, without sacrificing yourself for others. Deep breathing, saints. Studies show that when you practice deep breathing, it can lead to better mental health, more focus, thinking clearly and reducing feelings of anxiety, all of which can come from being a paper blazer. You have to take some deep breaths. Remember if you aren't taking care of yourself, you really are not helping anybody. There is no way that you can be effective, truly effective, fully you if you're not taking care of yourself and all you want to do is take care of everybody else. It's good you want to take care of everybody else. It's bad that you're doing it at the expense of whom God has designed you to be. You got to take care of yourself, saints. You gotta take care of yourself, saints. So those are the five ways to shift from people pleasing to taking care of yourself, so you can please God. Be totally honest with yourself and others. Facing what you are afraid of saying no. Turn up the voice of the Holy Spirit. Deep breathing exercises. So take some time today and analyze whether you are a people pleaser. If you find that you are, then take one of these suggestions that I've spoken of on this episode and try implementing it this episode and try implementing it Now. If you receive the email the email that I sent out twice a month then you're going to find links in that on how to actually do some of these activities.

Speaker 1: 18:20

Saints, it's all about being whom God has called you to be so you can go and do what he called you to do. Remember, we're each here on a mission. We've got to declutter the mind. If you're sick or feeling anxious or fearful, all these things clog up your mind. They clog it up. It's time to let it go. It's time to take care of you.

Speaker 1: 18:52

Let's pray Our Heavenly Father. Thank you for opening our eyes to what a people pleaser is and does and then providing tools for us to pivot back to you. Help us to seek out spending more time with you intentionally, so that we can declutter and become more focused. And, following you In Jesus' name, we pray Amen and amen. That's pretty good. Thank you, uncle. Saints, thanks for tuning in. If you enjoyed this episode, then get your free weekly newsletter to help you declutter your mind and improve your self-talk, so you can go and do what God's called you to do. All this and more can be found, including my contact information on HangingOutWithJesusPodcastcom or the show notes. So until we meet again over the airwaves intentionally, and damn Hang Out With Jesus Shalom.