Have you ever caught yourself merely coasting through life, feeling like something was missing? That's where Billy Lahr found himself before he embraced the transformative path of intentional living and mindfulness. Sitting down with the host of the "Mindful Midlife Crisis" podcast, we shared an enriching conversation about his journey, the power of emotional intelligence, and how we can all learn from the wisdom of different generations. Billy's transition from a life on autopilot to one filled with purpose offers a beacon of hope for anyone feeling adrift or seeking to infuse their daily routine with greater significance.
Identity, passion, and purpose are not just buzzwords; they are the pillars of a fulfilling existence. Throughout our dialogue, we navigated the complex terrain of self-discovery, challenging the connection between our jobs, our roles at home, and our sense of self. Unpacking the concept that passion is not a preordained starting line but a beautiful outcome of exploration and commitment, Billy and I examined the evolution of interests and the joy found in professional and personal pursuits. The podcasting landscape, with its ups and downs, became an exemplar of this dynamic, illustrating the essential balance of joy and curiosity to stave off burnout.
As our conversation wound down, we touched on the poignant practice of loving-kindness meditation, its influence on healing strained relationships, and the importance of self-compassion. We emphasized the value of constructive feedback, the art of establishing intentional daily routines, and the liberating potential of a digital detox. As I prepare to bid farewell to the podcast at the year's end, I extend an invitation to continue this journey of mindfulness through upcoming Meditate and Mingle sessions and structured travel experiences. Every story, every insight shared here, is an invitation to personal growth and a testament to the unifying power of shared experiences.
Follow Playing Injured on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/playinginjured/
Have you ever caught yourself merely coasting through life, feeling like something was missing? That's where Billy Lahr found himself before he embraced the transformative path of intentional living and mindfulness. Sitting down with the host of the "Mindful Midlife Crisis" podcast, we shared an enriching conversation about his journey, the power of emotional intelligence, and how we can all learn from the wisdom of different generations. Billy's transition from a life on autopilot to one filled with purpose offers a beacon of hope for anyone feeling adrift or seeking to infuse their daily routine with greater significance.
Identity, passion, and purpose are not just buzzwords; they are the pillars of a fulfilling existence. Throughout our dialogue, we navigated the complex terrain of self-discovery, challenging the connection between our jobs, our roles at home, and our sense of self. Unpacking the concept that passion is not a preordained starting line but a beautiful outcome of exploration and commitment, Billy and I examined the evolution of interests and the joy found in professional and personal pursuits. The podcasting landscape, with its ups and downs, became an exemplar of this dynamic, illustrating the essential balance of joy and curiosity to stave off burnout.
As our conversation wound down, we touched on the poignant practice of loving-kindness meditation, its influence on healing strained relationships, and the importance of self-compassion. We emphasized the value of constructive feedback, the art of establishing intentional daily routines, and the liberating potential of a digital detox. As I prepare to bid farewell to the podcast at the year's end, I extend an invitation to continue this journey of mindfulness through upcoming Meditate and Mingle sessions and structured travel experiences. Every story, every insight shared here, is an invitation to personal growth and a testament to the unifying power of shared experiences.
Follow Playing Injured on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/playinginjured/
Welcome to another episode of playing injured. Today's guest is Billy Lar. Billy, you actually told me how to pronounce your name, but before this I actually went to Google and looked up how to pronounce this.
Speaker 2:Ah, that's good. That's good. I like a guy who does his research. Well done, my friend, well done.
Speaker 1:But Billy is an intentional living coach and creator of the mindful midlife crisis, which is a podcast that navigates the complexities and possibilities of the life's second half. I told Billy. I said, hey, I'm not quite at midlife, but I'm sure you have a lot that you can share with me and the audience, so I'm pumped to have you on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, Thank you for having me on.
Speaker 2:I like to tell young guys like yourself, like us old heads, we do have some information that can maybe help you avoid some of the same foolishness that we got ourselves into. It can save you some headache so that by the time you get to my age which is 46, you'll be like, oh, I kind of got a clearer sense of what direction I want to go and, for me, how I want to treat people and how I want to interact people with people and that kind of thing. So, yeah, listen, even people who are older than I am, they have words of wisdom that they can share with me too and share with you. So I'm just always open to learning the other people's stories and same thing, like it goes both ways. Like you probably have experiences where I listen to them and I'm like, oh man, I had never thought about that before. So it just kind of we can all learn from each other. I don't think that it has to be just old guys teaching young guys. I think young guys have a lot to teach old guys too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, with New Day and Age growing up differently, with technology, times are different, so we can always learn different things, but I think the foundational things are so universal, no matter what time period you're in. That's why we can read books from thousands of years ago, but for some reason they still apply to today. And, man, I think one thing that is important, one thing that I've learned here, kind of on the back half of my 20s, is intentional living, and that's one thing that you've been able to coach folks through and I've heard you on other podcasts talked about hey, you kind of coasted in your 20s and kind of your to your mid 30s and then also to you know you told me that before we even hit record. So I would love to hear that what do you mean by coasting? What does that look like and what does intentional kind of living look like in your eyes?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So I think I got by on charm and charisma and privilege, like a lot of those things, just you know, I think too. At the same time, I was able to use those wisely. I wasn't using them in a way that held somebody else back, I just used them to my advantage without disadvantageing other people. Now I also worked really hard too.
Speaker 2:When I was a teacher. I worked, you know, like 50, 60, 70 hours a week just to kind of be a decent teacher, like I won't even say that I was a good teacher. I don't think I was a great teacher, but I was decent. But I had to work really, really hard in order to do that. I think where I coasted is running under the assumption that, well, everybody likes me, right, and so when you run under the assumption that everybody likes me, anything you can do whatever you want. And I got caught up in that and I watched my dad. Like my dad, he's kind of like Rodney Dangerfield in every movie where he's just kind of really quick with a joke and everybody likes being around him. Like I don't know anybody who really dislikes my dad. So I saw that and I'm like, well, I want to be that, but I took all of the things that not all of things, but a lot of the things that he did that were that I interpreted as being like attention seeking and he really wasn't being that, but I took that. So that meant that I was trying to be obnoxious and I was trying to catch everybody's attention. I was willing to do whatever it was to put the spotlight on me and in doing that, yeah, a lot of people thought I was funny, but I don't know that. A lot of people took me seriously and as time kind of went on, it just got to be more and more immature as I navigated these situations and going out every weekends and drinking and getting blackout drunk. You're certainly not developing your emotional intelligence during that time. In fact, you're probably getting dumber right. So I just when I look back on that, I'm just like God, what a fool you were. But then at the same time, there were things that I was learning, particularly professionally, that I was like OK, you can get better at this, but what I neglected is that emotional maturity point and the mental health piece. I just neglected that.
Speaker 2:And then, when I found myself around 34 or 35 years old, I was really struggling with anxiety and I run with high intensity and high energy. I like those things about myself, but I also have high anxiety, right. So I have a tendency to overthink. So those things kind of, I guess, manifested into this feeling of depression and I was feeling rejected at work. I was feeling rejected in my personal life and I didn't know how to cope with it, because this double rejection went against all of my previous experiences and beliefs that everybody likes me, right? So now, when people don't like you, how do I respond to that? Well, I didn't respond well, so I kind of hit this rock bottom and that manifested into this anxiety, that manifested into depression and that kind of led all of a sudden to having suicidal ideation. So I'm like I need to do something about this.
Speaker 2:So I went to therapy and I think therapy is for everybody. Yeah, therapy is Thursday, and even if you're like I've got it all sorted out, so what? Like it's just nice to have a conversation with somebody, to even celebrate your successes, right? Is it just to talk about that? I was not celebrating my successes, I had shit that I needed to figure out. So I went to her and she introduced me to this concept of mindfulness and I had never heard of mindfulness before, but I was familiar with meditation and they're synonymous in some ways.
Speaker 2:But when she introduced me to mindfulness and gave me mindfulness practices that do at home, I realized that I was able to manage my anxiety in a much healthier way and I was actually able to tune into the somatic experience of what that felt like, so that I was able to have these conversations almost with myself and say, oh hey, you know what this tingling in your body is. This is anxiety. You haven't even. The anxiety attack is kind of bubbling up. So now that you're aware of that, what can we do in order to just manage it? We're not trying to shove it down, but we're just trying to manage where it's at, so that it doesn't explode, that there isn't an emotional reaction. We can emotionally respond in a way that is mutually respectful. That is win-win, that kind of thing.
Speaker 2:And since then I've continued my mindfulness practice and it helps me manage those high intensity emotions that I have. It helps manage that anxiety. I often tell people that I practice meditation so that I can be this level of obnoxious, because if I didn't, I'd be in out of control a whole. So that's kind of how I look at it, but I found that gosh, if this is helping me, then it must help other people as well. So, being the teacher in me, I worked in education, so the teacher in me wanted to share this with other people. So now I'm a certified mindfulness meditation teacher and I lead meditation sessions wherever I can.
Speaker 2:And, it's funny, I have a former student. He was a student of mine way back in 2005, 2006. So he comes to my sessions regularly. He's been coming for a year and just in the last few months I've been really impressed with his responses and how much personal growth I have seen in him, not only in the course of the year, but especially in these last few months, and it really makes me proud to still be able to call him. He's a friend now, but he's like a forever student for me and I love having that connection. So it's situations like that where it's like, ok, this is all coming back around full circle. This is one of the tenets of mindfulness is gratitude. So my way of extending gratitude for the impact that mindfulness has had on my life is sharing those experiences and sharing the benefits both the physical, the emotional, the mental benefits of mindfulness with others.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and, billy, I got to tell you that you've gone through similar things that I feel like I can connect with on a really deep level. One is just the natural ability of charisma, of a good smile, of being funny, being great to be around and, hey, everybody likes you, you're a likable person. But also, too, with that becomes your identity, where now you feel like every time you interact with somebody, you have to perform, you have to. Yes, absolutely that wittiness, right, you feel like you have to be like the highlight of their day. Right, you have to be a character.
Speaker 2:You're a character, yeah, and it's crazy, right, it's crazy.
Speaker 1:And it almost comes from a fear of like, just the willingness to just be normal, have a normal interaction right.
Speaker 2:Right, right, because this version of me is way more interesting and way more fun than this other version of me, who, you know, like I very much. I get all my energy from being around people the right people, obviously but there are times when they're just like leave me alone, I don't want to talk to anybody. But can I be that guy? Because who am I disappointing if I am that guy? I had Steven English on my show it's episode 95, I believe and he has a great TED talk about how to find joy in disappointing others, and his story is that he was an alcoholic and so when he got sober, he had to disappoint his old drinking buddies, but in doing so he was able to find joy. It's a really great story. I love listening to Steven and I think I like it because it's a good reminder for me to stop being such a people pleaser. That's something that I'm still trying to be less of a people pleaser, and I think what I'm starting to recognize, especially in the last couple of years, is that I need to stop putting so much time and energy into people who do not reciprocate that same time and energy into me. And I'm better at it. I am significantly better at it. But you know there's still that old me that just loves to be loved by everybody. So you know it's just like, oh well, can I be everything to everyone? And it's like no, no, no, you can't be. That's and that's how you over promise and under deliver. So just kind of being aware of that and I like that.
Speaker 2:When you said the identity piece of it, well, what is my identity? The first thing I ask people on the podcast is what are 10 roles that you play? And I think that's such an important question because usually the first four are family and job. Right, so you know brother, son, uncle, father, whatever, and then you get to your job. But then after that people are like this was a really interesting question, like what is it beyond those first five? Because my least favorite question in the world is what do you do?
Speaker 2:for a living. That is such. That's the least interesting thing. The least interesting thing about somebody is what they do for a living, and I'm in career right now. That's the second question people ask. First question is where are you from? Second question is what do you do for work? They ask those two questions before they ask what your name is, and it's like those are you know? Where are you from? Okay, I'm from the United States. What do you do for work, man? That's the least interesting thing about me. What else do you wanna know? So I encourage people to remove that question from the first hour of your conversation Anytime and really challenge yourself to meet people and get a whole vision of who they are, because a lot of us do get wrapped up in what we do for work and I think parents get wrapped up into their parental identity as well and then they lose themselves in that.
Speaker 2:So a big piece for me is helping people recognize the roles that they play so that they can continue playing those roles. It kind of goes back to that idea of you know, you don't stop playing because you get old. You get old because you stop playing. So what are the roles that you haven't played in a while that might spark joy or curiosity and you can let that curiosity kind of bud into something that gives you a bit more, maybe purpose, maybe meaning, maybe that turns in the passion.
Speaker 2:And I am anti follow your passions. I think that's complete and utter nonsense. We can talk about that in a little bit too, but so I hate even saying you know, to find your passion? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. For me, finding your passion is part of a formula, it is a byproduct. You do not start with passion. People who start with passion burn out. Passion is a byproduct of understanding your strengths and your weaknesses, of exploring your curiosities, finding your crew and then taking that and multiplying it by consistency, discipline, patience and self-compassion. That's your passion. Otherwise you're talking about a hobby.
Speaker 1:Yeah, 100%. And I think you know I've learned this over the years it's like your passions they change. But also, too, you know, a lot of times your passions people just think it's one passion that you have and like what you have, multiple passions, right. And then also, too, you know you have another idea of like hey, the passion that you have might not create the life that you want, right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it's something like your job doesn't have to be your passion. I think we really need to stop telling people that. So, social media influencers, stop telling people that your job needs to be your passion. It doesn't. It doesn't at all, in fact. Your job doesn't even have to give you meaning. It doesn't have to give you purpose. Your job needs to pay you and then, in making that money, then maybe it affords you the opportunity to do some of these other meaningful things around you. Yeah, now, if your job gives you meaning and gives you purpose, great congratulations. Like I mean, you did it, you did it.
Speaker 2:But if you're in a job and you're like this really doesn't give me this, really doesn't, it just kind of pays me, all right, well, we can do. What I like to do is sit down and say what does spark your curiosity, what sparks joy within you? Where in this job can we find little moments like that, so that you don't dread going to work? Because if you dread going to work because it's making you miserable, that's another conversation, that's a different conversation. But if you're just not feeling fulfilled, and it okay, can you feel fulfilled in your relationships? Can you feel fulfilled in your curiosities? Can you feel fulfilled in your hobbies, those kinds of things? What are you doing outside of work, because work's eight hours a day? What are you doing with the other 16?
Speaker 1:You can sleep, I'm just going home Netflix.
Speaker 2:Yeah exactly, exactly. You're burning your. You're not burnt out from work. You're burnt out because you're not surrounding yourself with the right people and you're not surrounding yourself with the right curiosities or the right opportunities, those types of things. So look for those and if you don't know where to look, that's where I come in, that's where I love to. I love having that conversation with people. I have that conversation with people all the time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I would tell you this like you know, having a podcast, right, the first episode maybe I wasn't really quite passionate about it yet, but hey, over time, right, I started to get passionate about it because of the, like you said, the consistency, the growth that you see in yourself through it, how it's affecting and impacting others and how much fun you have doing it. But I'll tell you this everything about podcasting I'm not passionate about like editing episodes, right, content producing right. After we get you know, I would tell you this, I do really enjoy like the preparation for episode, right, getting to know somebody, and then the actual conversation is, like, time goes by, like this. But after this, I can tell you what I'm not very passionate about. It, right, and so you can follow your passion, right. But I can tell you the whole thing, you probably won't be passionate about it.
Speaker 2:Well, I think too, to kind of carry off on that, this whole idea that do what you love. You'll never work a day in your life what Do what you love, and you're going to work harder than you've ever worked before.
Speaker 2:Because you're going to want to do whatever you can to protect that love. Like you're going to want to continue to do it. No, you're going to work really hard at something that you love. Like, if you don't want to work, do something you hate, do something because you ain't going to work hard at all doing that. But if you want to work, do something you love, because you're more inclined to really sit and develop that consistency, develop that discipline, because you're right, like you know, if you're putting out an episode every week, that means you have to be diligent about scheduling people and recording episodes and editing in a timely fashion and getting those things up, because you've created a platform that people are tuning into on a regular basis and you want to ensure that you're giving them a quality episode right, and that takes discipline, that takes consistency, it also takes patience because you're developing it over time. Right, and, like for me, compassion. You know I listened to my first episodes of that pot man. That's terrible.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was terrible. That was terrible. And I was editing myself and I'm just like oh man, these are not good 100%.
Speaker 1:When I share the show, people are like, yeah, I want to start from the beginning. I'm like wait, no, don't.
Speaker 2:My number one, my most downloaded episode is episode one and I'm like no, no, no, no, no, no, no no, no, no no, started episode 19.
Speaker 2:Please start at episode 19. That's our best guest. And then you can just like started episode 19 and you can bounce around from there. And then, when you get to, when you get to season three which I think is like episode I don't know 27 or something like that that's when we really hit our stride, but it's like you know 19 episodes before we really kind of hit our stride with things and yeah, yeah it's going to take time, and so that's why it's important to be patient and be compassionate. You know what I mean, and I think too, as men, what do I need to be compassionate for? It's like, no, that's like we especially need to embrace this idea of compassion, because I feel like we do put a lot of responsibility on our shoulders.
Speaker 2:And there is this you know this idea that compassion is weakness. It's not weakness, it's kind of that difference between nice and kind. It's more important to be kind than it is nice. In being kind, you're going to share feedback with somebody that maybe they don't want to hear, but they need to be here, and in kindness and in compassion, you're providing a space for them to grow. When you're nice, that's what I'm from, minnesota, that's what we're called Minnesota nice. In other words, from Minnesota, nice is passive, aggressive, so that's what that is. So this idea of compassion really is understanding where the other person is coming from and seeing them as a complete person with complexities, and seeing them with different experiences from your own, so that you can say, all right, I'm hearing what you're saying. I don't necessarily have to agree with the conclusions that you've come to, but thank you for providing me with that other perspective and now I can think about that in responding, as opposed to just hearing it and dismissing it because I'm not being compassionate in this moment. Yeah, 100%.
Speaker 1:I think it goes back to you talk about being kind, being nice and nice. Usually nice is kind of people pleasing. You're choosing somebody else's well-being or somebody else over yourself, and so this is the idea of kind, of choosing yourself first and not having the fear of being rejected or being seen as weird or being seen as a mean person or being seen as something that might be a negative light in your own mind. And usually, a lot of times, our radar is off. My therapist has always told me man, a lot of times your radar is off and you are in other people's minds and you are doing things that aren't even true. You're responding to things that are only in your imagination, and so I think that's a deep concept of being nice, being kind, and also to the way it manifests in your body, which can be in anxiety. Right, most of the time that is, what it creates is anxiety, because you're not fully expressing your true, authentic self.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's funny that with that radar, really a lot of times I project what I want as an outcome onto other people without asking the question. So being a podcast host has actually reminded me to be curious, to ask questions and understand. What is it that you want? What's your end goal right here? Because I can tell you where I'd like you to be, but that might not be where you want to be in the long run, am I? I'm going to pose questions to you as a coach and just say have you thought about this? What about this? I'm going to challenge you on some things, but I'm going to do it in a way that I'm asking questions to get you to look at multiple sides of how you're framing it and then maybe potentially reframe it in a way where you're like, okay, well, there is that and and and.
Speaker 2:To push the envelope a little bit, I was having a conversation the other day and we were talking about loving kindness and in basically, it's, it's, it's almost like the Care Bear stare. I don't know, your audience might be too young to know what the Care Bear stare was, but I don't know what that is. Okay, okay, so so you know, dave Chappelle talks about the Care Bear stare, one of his stand up specials worth. They shoot love out of their hearts, right Like it's just like a rainbow of light, and they shoot this light of love out of their hearts and that's how they, they like, kill darkness and hatred that is in the world. So it's just this lineup of bears and and they're shooting love out of their hearts. So that's kind of what that's what I say.
Speaker 2:Loving kindness, meditation is is what you're doing, is you're. You're sending this love and you're sending this kindness to first you. You want to send it to yourself and you want to call to mind someone that you, that you love, that you have a good relationship with, then maybe like a stranger or an acquaintance. Then you call to mind someone who you're in conflict with or that you know is is struggling at this time. Now I was having this conversation with a friend of mine who is really in conflict with her family and I said you know way, and I think it's actually inhibiting her ability to send a loving kindness to herself, and so I said maybe is it possible, because your family, just like you, wants to feel safe, they want to feel happy, they want to feel healthy and they want to feel loved. So you're all connected in that way. Is it possible for you to extend that sense of safety, of happiness, of health and love to them?
Speaker 2:And she's like I don't know, and so to me that's a block, like that is something that that is going to stick with somebody if they are unable to even and you don't have to call them up and say, hey, I was thinking about you, even though I hate your guts. I just wanted you to know that I hope you feel happy, healthy and loved by you. Don't have to do that. But in your mind, are you able to extend that loving kindness to them? And it's?
Speaker 2:I mean, listen, there are people in my life that I, that I can't do that to, but those are people who are distant and out of my life and they have no, you know, they have no real recourse on my life. Now someone like like one of my sisters. We're estranged, we butt heads, but I'm still able to send loving kindness to my sister Because, at the end of the day, I want my sister to feel happy, healthy and loved. And though we butt heads and we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things and our philosophies are different again, like, like she's still my, my sister, and I want to. I want to feel connected to her. I want her to feel that happiness, that health and that love.
Speaker 2:So I think it's really important to you know, take a step back and and ask yourself am I even able to extend loving kindness to myself? And if I'm not, is there, is there something in my life that that is preventing that and just unpacking that and getting curious about that? And I think that's why it's so important for people to to work with a professional, especially a therapist. Licensed therapist is really good at those kind of things, like as a coach. Yeah, sure, I could have that conversation with you, but that's not my area of expertise. My expertise is more moving you forward, and I feel like a therapist does a good job of unpacking the past so that you can be more present. Yeah, that is.
Speaker 1:That is deep. You know what I've learned. You know, A lot of times, like you said, I think you mentioned, hey, you found yourself, right, Folks weren't taking you serious and you were taking yourself very serious, but what you were projecting Too seriously, Right, but what you were projecting, like you mentioned now is we project love and light out to others, especially when we do it to ourselves. And what you mentioned was that, hey, you wanted folks to like you, right, and a lot of times we have to perform or we have to do different things and we feel like just being us isn't good enough, right, and we can project that. We can project that, and I just love the example that you give of you and your sister. I think I have family members as well where I feel like man. We may not see each other the way we did before, but I know how I feel about myself and it's no reason for me to want to wish any ill will against you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and even the people who are no longer in my life, they were never really a part of my circle. They were just people who came into my orbit because their sole intention was to harass me, was to troll me, that kind of thing, and so the hard part, I think, was enduring that and not responding to it and not giving them the reaction that they wanted. And then that lasted for years and years and years, and years and years and now it's just, it's behind me. But I mean, there are times when I'm like I think about that and it angers me, but the nice thing is that there is not a part of my life and I would never include them in any aspect of my life and just really working to let that go, because and I think again, it's just what was their perspective and I guess I don't spend a lot of time with it because they're not connected to me. If it was someone that was connected to me, then I'd want to know, want to know like, where is this coming from? But they're not someone who's connected with me, and I think that's an unfortunate reality of social media is, when you put yourself out there, then you all of a sudden have more people who want to chime in about your experience.
Speaker 2:And I like this idea of why absorb criticism from somebody you would never turn to for advice, for help, right? I think that's great. I think that's great because this whole idea of forget what anybody else tells you, don't pay attention to other people's opinions that's not realistic. That's flat out just not realistic. But who's your core Shaq talks about? He has five, his panel right, and so he goes to those people and he gets their feedback. I think that's really important. So who's your five? Who's on your panel right and get their feedback? And it shouldn't be people who are, yes, people Don't surround yourself with yes, people. Surround yourself with people who are going to push back and say, well, but have you thought about this? I think that's really, really important to have. Is that core?
Speaker 1:100%, and because it's tough. I mean, like you said, it's unrealistic. You have to just be OK with yourself, right, and obviously you have your group of folks who you know. They love you and they always have your back and your best interests and they know it. As long as you're walking genuinely and you are doing great things and you're giving life, then you should feel great about what you're doing. So, no, I love that. I love that.
Speaker 2:I think, just real quick. I think people who say I don't care what anybody thinks about me, you care the most. You care the most about what other people think about you, because you care so much that you want to tell people that I don't care what you think about me. You want people to know you don't care. You care if they don't care, and so it's. It is one of those things where it's like no, but other people's opinions are valuable if they're in this core, if they are someone that you would turn to for advice, and if they offer you advice and they share something that maybe you don't want to hear, then that's a person to keep around because they're being kind. They're being kind to you. They're not being nice, they're being kind because they're saying to you I don't know, I don't know if this is the best idea.
Speaker 1:Yeah, 100%, and I think that goes back to drowning out noise, knowing what is real and what is noise, and I think a lot of times, especially with social media, we spend so much time on it as a society. Most of it is noise. A small percentage of it is productive, which is a whole other discussion, which is crazy, and I think, in and off, I want to kind of talk about what could we do in our day to day to be more mindful. So many distractions, how can we kind of jettison some of those distractions that we have and be a little bit more mindful, be more present and not coast right through life?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so that's where this idea of intentional living comes from. Because I, because people, you know they, we know that mindfulness is good for us, just like we know vegetables are good for us. But vegetables are not sexy. They require, you know, preparation, that kind of thing, and that's mindfulness does too. So what does the preparation looks look like? That's the intentionality.
Speaker 2:So for me, I am a big routine and structure guy. I worked in schools. That meant Bells told me when to start and stop. So that's really important to me to be on a routine. Now I get it. There are some people out there who can go with the flow, okay, whatever.
Speaker 2:If you're stuck and you're floundering, my first suggestion is just to get on to routine. Two easiest ways to do that is go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time. Like just doing those two things will really really kind of set the rest of your day. And so now, like I have a, I have my routine where I just get up, I shower right away and then I go and have my breakfast and then I do this mobility routine in the morning it takes about 25 minutes and then I meditate for 10 minutes. So that's part of my routine, so that's me being intentional around it, and then I have the flexibility and the autonomy to do what I need to do for the rest of the day. So I'm not structuring my entire day, but I am structuring the first 90 minutes of my day and I try to structure the last 90 minutes of my day.
Speaker 2:I'm not great at that. I'll be very honest that the last 90, I'm not great at, the first 90, I'm pretty regular with and there's no science behind that. I just like taking 90 and 90 because it makes for 180 and then you can make a 180 degree 180 degree turn in your life. Thank you very much. Like that's the whole corny reason why it shows 90 and 90. There's nothing scientific about it, but I do think that there is something to it.
Speaker 2:If you take a look at those first 90 minutes and maybe you might think well, part of those 90 minutes when I first wake up is driving Wonderful. I used to commute a half hour to work every single day. I turn that into a practice, an intentionality practice. So I have one of those old school iPods that has about over 8,000 songs on it. I've not listened to all of those songs. So I don't necessarily know what all 8,000 songs are on that iPod. I told myself, don't skip, you're just going to listen to whatever song comes up, and if it is the thong song by Cisco, you put it on the iPod. So you're going to listen to it.
Speaker 2:So you would have silly songs on there too. And back in the day when you had CDs because I transferred all my CDs songs on there I went to my iPod. Sometimes you'd have these hidden tracks, so it would play a song and then there's 25 minutes of silence and then you get like this one minute really weird song, but that meant in my 30 minute commute that 25 minutes of that was just silence. So that's kind of what I did there. And then it kind of turned that into a memory game. What I would do is I would try to recall the commute playlist, and usually it was about five to six songs, unless it was a heavy punk rock day. Then it was like 10 songs, because punk rock songs are like a minute and a half to two minutes long. So I tried to remember every song that got played during that commute and then I would write that down on my board. So it turned into this intentionality practice where I'm delaying gratification, where I am sitting with whatever song is there and being present with whatever emotion that song may elicit and most songs are about four minutes. So just being present with, oh, wow, like what memories is this song elicit? What emotions does the song evoke? And then knowing that that's going to transfer over into another song, but not constantly seeking the perfect song for the mood no, the mood fits the song Right, it's just what is present. But then I turned it into a memory game where I would lay out the entire, because I would be like, okay, where was I? What song was first? This was the first song. Where was I on my commute when the next song came? It was this. What was playing? Oh yeah, it was this. I just became this recall game, right there. That's intentionality. And none of that took time out of my day because it was just part of the process of what I was doing. We have an episode I think it's like episode. It's either 107 or 109 or something like 110, something like that.
Speaker 2:But my co-host, Matt Hazard, is a coffee aficionado. He puts a lot of time and effort into it. He has a subscription to Commiteer, which I guess is like this high-end coffee brand or whatever. So he brews his coffee. He's not just pouring himself a cup of coffee, he brews it. And I asked him when's the last time that you actually sat down with your coffee and appreciated all five senses of the coffee, the heat coming off of the cup, the smell, the aroma, the color, just the look of the swirl in your cup, what cup you've chosen? Did you take time to appreciate the work that went into not just harvesting the beans but packaging and getting it out to you? And then the flavors. Are you just drinking your coffee while you're at work or can you take five minutes to just sit with your coffee and drink it and take in all the aromas, all the flavors and appreciate what that is and be present with it? That is an intentional practice. That is mindfulness. We can do that with coffee. We can do that with our food. I lead a mindful eating practice. People can I think it's like episode 111 or something like that if people want to listen to the mindful eating episode.
Speaker 2:So there are all sorts of little ways in which we can bring these moments of being rather than constantly doing throughout our day. Is those moments of being, or what is going to give us the opportunity to hit the pause button and check in with? Okay, I've been going hard here for the last hour and a half, two hours. Where's my mind? Where's my body? What is being communicated to me right now? What is it that I need in this moment? Do I need to stand up and stretch? Do I need some water? What is my body trying to communicate to me? What are my emotions trying to communicate to me? And just taking that five minute rest research has shown it allows the brain to cool. And we need to provide those spaces, those intentional spaces in which we just allow the mind to cool, Because if we don't, then we're going to exhaust ourselves and we're going to be running from scarcity mindsets. So how do we provide time to refill, to replenish and we can do that in five minute increments not booking back to back meetings, not responding to an email immediately after a meeting, Just taking five minutes to sit with your breath. When feel your breath? Where are you feeling it? Is it in your stomach, Is it in your chest? Is it through the nostrils? And just making that part of your practice.
Speaker 2:You can do that if you commute in the morning, before you get out of the car, turn the car off and sit in your car and just simply be present with your breath and acknowledge what's coming up for me right now and what am I bringing into this morning.
Speaker 2:And then, when the afternoon rolls around, lunchtime rolls around, you can do the same thing. What is it that I'm bringing into this afternoon now? And then, even before you get home, before you get out of the car and greet your family and greet what have you just being present with where? What's present with me now so that you're able to come from a response mindset as opposed to an impulsive and reactive mindset. Because if you're agitated and you walk into your home and you don't realize that you're agitated, you're not aware of your agitation, and then the kids do something, and it could be, it could be something that you would laugh about yesterday, but today, because you're coming in agitated now, you're yelling at them, you're frustrated with them. But if you come from that and just say I know that I'm frustrated and now that I'm aware of that, I'm not pushing that frustration away, but I am responding knowing that I'm frustrated, so then that way it doesn't explode into something more.
Speaker 1:I don't know what to say. Most people aren't most. You know what I realized, even with myself if I feel emotion, first thing I do is pick up my phone Right, and so taking the time to be intentional, just think about being present. We don't do that enough. We don't do that enough Looking at the really, really small things in life that we can appreciate, have gratitude around and you know it's just an amazing practice. But I know I can do better. I know I can do better.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know we all can. I'm doing this December digital detox right now that I put out to my community and I have. There were five things that I put up here. So, first and foremost, I wanted to go to bed by 11 pm. So you might be like why is that a digital detox? Why am I not going to bed by 11? Right. And then I also wanted to get up by right right. I also wanted to get out of bed by seven. So now I set my alarm 6.45.
Speaker 2:And you know, a lot of people say don't grab your phone first thing in the morning, whatever, like I'm in Korea, so my time zones are flipped, so a lot of times people are texting me during that time. So if I can just kind of check my messages and be like, okay, okay, oh, 15 minutes is up, get your butt out of bed and get into the shower, so that goes from, you know, 6.45 to 7.30, 7.45, me on my phone. So you're like, yeah, 15 minutes to take a look at these messages. And then you got to get up, so I do that. And then I've also blocked out time between 12 and three o'clock where I'm like no phone, no iPad, I've deleted all like I don't have LinkedIn or Facebook or Instagram on my phone. So, and then you know you could be like well, you could just use the internet to look it up. I also deleted the passwords to them. I don't know the passwords to any of those things and your iPhone saves them, but you can delete that. So now, like, even if I wanted to log into Instagram on my phone, I couldn't. I have it on my iPad.
Speaker 2:But I've said the iPad is for creation, not consumption. Yeah, now am I 100% with that? No, I'm not, because I'm a work in progress. And even the you know the 12 to three. I've been on my phone text messaging. But those text messages have actually been things where it's like hey, this schedule is coming up or we have this planned or can we reschedule, dot it, dot it, dot it. It's stuff like that.
Speaker 2:Now, I could I did tell myself originally, between 12 and three, nobody can reach you. Well, I've bent on that a little bit, but because I still have set that 12 to three, there still is like, like Texas person back and get off your phone and get back to work. So there is that mindset of like, like you did say that 12 to three so you can't be on your phone dilly dallying and checking this, that and the others. So get off your phone and get back to work. So there's that. And then I wanted to reduce my iPad usage by my weekly iPad usage. And what's the last one up there? Oh, I wanna upload two talking heads to Instagram, or like two lives to Instagram, because I feel very comfortable behind a microphone. I don't feel very comfortable in front of a camera, so working on those things, but that's what works for me. And if people are like, well, like I have other goals in mind, great, let's chat.
Speaker 1:I love that. Well, bill, first of all, you've added I don't know just a new perspective. I think a fresh perspective, right, and I think you've been able to find that through crisis, and so I appreciate you sharing your story and just your perspective on things, which is refreshing. And, like we mentioned before, we don't wanna just go with the flow, we wanna be intentional and we wanna actually be the flow, and you are definitely an example of that.
Speaker 2:Well, I appreciate that and I'll tell you that work with your flow. I love that, and so I'm stealing that from you and putting that in my pocket. I just absolutely love that concept, so I really appreciate that. Thank you for adding that value to my life. And thank you for having me on the show. This was a blast I enjoyed talking to you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it is a blast, but real quick. Where can folks find you at? And then also, too, I know you guys have big things coming up here going into the new year, so I would love for you to be able to share that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so if people are curious about the podcast or if they are interested about my travels through Korea or Southeast Asia, instagram is the best place to follow me and message me. It's mindful underscore midlife underscore crisis on Instagram. That's the name of the podcast the mindful midlife crisis. You can get it wherever you get your podcast. Just a quick update.
Speaker 2:I think I'm bringing the podcast to a close at the end of the year because, like I said, I got some other things that are on the horizon that I'm kind of keeping the tight lid on for right now.
Speaker 2:One thing I'm not keeping a tight lid on is if people are interested in learning more about mindfulness and meditation and they're curious like what is this all about? You can go to wwwmindfulmidlifecrisiscom and at the top click on the banner that says meditate and mingle, and if you want to know what those sessions are like, go to the podcast. There's a couple of meditate and mingle sessions there. It's basically like a 10, 15 minute practice that we do and then we discuss it. You get to chat with people from all around the world who are part of that community as well and listen to what their stories are and how those might resonate with you too. So I'm here to water seeds, not plant them. So nothing that we have said here today is new or revolutionary. It's just stuff that has probably been in the back of your mind and, through having conversation and being intentional and mindful, it just brings it to the forefront of your mind so that you can be more intentional around practicing it and implementing it in a practical, easy way.
Speaker 1:I love that. I love that and, man, your journey as a podcaster. First of all, I got a chance to listen to it, so I know how much work goes into it, right. And so, man, I'm looking forward to seeing what the next chapter looks like for you and I know for myself I'll definitely be following that, moving forward and probably get you back on the show to learn more about your experiences going through traveling through Korea. I would love to learn that and different things like that. It's a lot to your story that I would love to learn more about, so I appreciate you being on the show.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love talking, travel with people too, and I love, like I said, I'm a structured person. So if people are like, hey, I wanna go on this trip, where have you all been? Hit me up, because I'll give you a full five-day itinerary that'll keep you busy and fulfilled and experience all sorts of wonderful places. So, yeah, I just I like talking to people. That's why I love being on podcasts and this was one of my favorites. I really appreciate talking to you, josh.
Speaker 1:No, I appreciate you. It was like butter man, it was like very smooth. So I appreciate you.