Playing Injured
Playing Injured reminds us that life challenges us all—athletes aren’t the only ones who play hurt. Whether it’s setbacks or unexpected curveballs, our response defines who we are and how we grow. This podcast explores the universal journey of resilience and perseverance, inspiring listeners to face adversity head-on.
Ranked in the top 2.5% of podcasts globally, hosts Josh Dillingham and Mason Eddy—entrepreneurs and former collegiate athletes—deliver over 100 episodes featuring diverse voices. They explore mindsets, uncover strategies, and motivate listeners to thrive and play through anything.
Playing Injured
The Power of Self Talk: Changing The Stories That Shape You w/ Marianne Renner (EP 131)
Marianne Renner shares powerful insights on how the stories we tell ourselves shape our reality and limit our potential. She explains how our self-talk becomes habitual thought patterns that form our belief systems, often unconsciously sabotaging our outcomes.
• Our brains are naturally wired for negative thinking but can be reprogrammed through neuroplasticity
• Most common self-limiting stories include "I'm not good enough" and victim mentality ("it's not my fault")
• Self-imposed barriers often form by age seven and operate below our conscious awareness
• Daily practices to change your self-talk: celebrate wins (past), practice gratitude (present), use affirmations (future)
• Overcoming fear of failure by playing the story all the way through and seeing it's not catastrophic
• Focusing on what you can control, especially during uncertainty, creates unexpected opportunities
• Real success stories of people transforming their careers through changed self-talk
• Approaching goals as experiments reduces pressure and fear of failure
• Feelings are just alarm signals indicating action, not commands to be obeyed
• Simple tools work best because you're more likely to follow through consistently
Pre-order Marianne's book "The Self-Talk: 10 Stories You Tell Yourself That Hold You Back" wherever books are sold and download a free workbook at mariannerenner.com/self-talk.
Follow Playing Injured on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/playinginjured/
Welcome to another episode of Playing Injured. We have Marianne Renner, who is a leadership coach, leadership trainer, a keynote speaker. She also has a TEDx talk as well. That was an amazing story, but she helps thousands of leaders remove self-imposed barriers and unleash their greatest potential. Marianne, welcome to the show.
Speaker 2:Gosh, thank you so much. I really am excited to be here. I really am.
Speaker 1:Yes, me and Marianne. We got a chance to catch up before we hit record and we have so much in common. She's in Aurora, not too far from where I grew up. We studied the same thing in college. We have a lot in common, right? So, marianne would love to hear from you who is Marianne and how does she spend her time today?
Speaker 2:thank you, josh. Well, as you mentioned, I'm in Aurora, far western Chicago suburbs, born and bred here, actually third generation from the city, and I am actually the youngest of nine kids, so I have eight older siblings I'm the baby and I have a million nieces and nephews, as you can imagine whom I love like crazy and a godson that I absolutely adore, and I'm just living my life's purpose, really working with leaders and helping them remove those self-imposed barriers which show up in the form of sabotaging self-talk, and so that's how I wrote the book, came to write the book, the self-talk 10 stories you tell yourself that hold you back.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that. So I want to go into this because my mother is actually the youngest of 11 kids, right Me and her. Me and her have just amazing conversations, very deep conversations the older I get, and one of the beliefs that she had grown up as the youngest of 11 kids was just being invisible, right, not being seen. Did you have that experience growing up youngest? The youngest of 11 kids was just being invisible, right, not being seen. Did you have?
Speaker 2:that experience growing up youngest of nine, what was kind of that experience? Like you know, this is what's very unique about me. So I'm the youngest by a lot. So my mom had eight kids. She thought she was done. At 38 years old she had her eighth baby and then, when my brother was eight years old, when my mom was 46, I came along.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:Surprise. And so in some ways, yes, but in some ways, I grew up with in kind of a small household, so day to day there weren't a lot of people around, but holidays were humongous. A lot of my siblings were married with kids. Some of them were married with kids by the time I came along.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Different yeah.
Speaker 1:Very different, very different. I love it. So the self-imposed barriers and self-talk I want to understand this because it's a combination of the two. Right, where I know our brain is pretty much wired for negative. Right, obviously, the period, historic times we needed to protect ourselves, so we had to lean negative. But also, too, we have these negative experiences that happen that can kind of wire our beliefs, or that self-talk. Talk to me about that. Like, how does these self-imposed barriers get created?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so you're absolutely right, josh. You know it's that old. Is it nature or nurture argument or discussion or debate? And it's actually it's a both and and. So a lot of the what, what we have today and why these our self-talk is so problematic. So much of it we're not aware of, because all of your listen, your belief system is just those are thoughts. You start out with a thought, you repeat that thought over and over, it becomes a habit and then the habitual thought pattern becomes a belief and it's unconscious, largely because those thoughts start at a very young age. So we hear something, we see something, there's an external situation, but then it sort of comes into our head and it goes through a process or kind of like a little factory in there and, depending on how we're wired or who we are, we're processing all different ways. We sort of repeat these habitual thoughts over and over and then, before you know it, it's our belief system and the self-talk that we're telling ourselves and not even realizing we're sabotaging our own outcomes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, 100 percent. And it does happen very young, yeah, point where we just don't even know where they, where these thoughts even come from.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure you know the scientists will talk about something called neuroplasticity, and I won't get too geeky on that. But our brains are very pliable right after birth, again when we're around age seven, which is why they say a majority of our beliefs form by age seven and then again in adolescence. But the good news is this neuroplasticity means it's the way that our brains are, you know, shaping and forming, and we can change that anytime in our lives, like any, just like you know our muscles You're an athlete. We were talking about working out and we can change the shape of our muscles by exercising them, and the same is true with our thoughts.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I'm glad you brought this up, because neuroplasticity is something that I've been kind of looking at in the new year. I've been a little bit more disciplined with self-affirmations and doing it in the morning, right. They talk about how our brains are, very the neuroplasticity of it. In the morning, we can really start to shape our thoughts. Is it any time when folks should be doing this? Is it when they have a bad thought, shutting it down and replacing it with a positive thought? What is your thoughts on that?
Speaker 2:I don't think there's a magic time, whatever works for you it's the same with. So you know, you and I we have the sports background, but I was a personal trainer. I didn't play team sports, but people would say what's the best exercise for me to do? And I would say the one you're going to do.
Speaker 2:I'm not going to tell you, you know, to go running if you hate running and you're going to quit in a week. And I would say the same thing if you're trying to change your self-talk and you're trying to create new habit patterns. The one key is if you do something at the same time every day, that helps to form a habit, like I brush my teeth the same time every day. You know there are certain things I do every day and I do them in the same order and I do them at the same time, and that's the easiest way I have found to develop a habit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're looking to develop a habit and you know it's crazy is we have a habit of talking to ourselves negatively and when you hear somebody speaking to themselves positively or they say you should talk, you should do more self-talk, we are like that can be weird, or it seems weird or feels weird when we already are talking to ourselves regardless. So you might as well talk to yourself positively, right?
Speaker 2:All day long we're talking to ourselves.
Speaker 2:I always say you know we're, I call it like we're telling ourselves stories, that's our self-talk and you know, when I started my career, I started out as a newspaper reporter and then transitioned to marketing. But I was living in Duluth, minnesota, next stop North Pole, and I was working as a newspaper reporter and I was. It was really cool job because I was interviewing really interesting people and writing stories about interesting people's lives. But what didn't dawn on me at the time was that the biggest story that I was writing was the story of my own life. Yeah, not with a pen and paper or laptop, but with every thought that went through my mind about what I was capable of, of achieving and what was going on in the world around.
Speaker 1:Because we're telling ourselves stories about, you know, something that's happening and those stories can be very telling and influential on how we show up in the world yeah, and you know I'm thinking about these stories that I've told myself and how I perceived a situation as something where I wasn't good enough or I wasn't worthy enough, when the situation had nothing to do with that. It was so many other factors, but this belief is something that I formed, right, yep, um, what are stories? Go ahead, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, I was just going to. I think I'm going to answer your question because, by the way, some version of I'm not good enough is in the top.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That is one of the stories. So the book talks about 10 stories. You tell yourself that is the one. In the individual coaching sessions that I do, that is the one I hear the most. There's two, there's two. They're kind of tied level, they are they're crushing it. And then they'll come to me and in the safe confidentiality of the one-on-one coaching environment, they'll sort of confess their deep, dark secret, which is some version of I'm not good enough and I'm blown away because I'm looking at all these amazing things they're doing, the amazing humans that they are, and I'm thinking like I don't know who you're looking at when you look in the mirror, because I'm talking to somebody completely different. But that's one. I'm, I'm not good enough and, um, some version of it's not my fault is the other one what do you mean by that?
Speaker 1:It's not? It's not your fault, or it's?
Speaker 2:not, someone did something to me or something happened to me, and I guess I would use the phrase kind of victim mindset, and it puts people in a very disempowered state. So there may be external circumstances that are outside your control, that aren't your fault, but when you repeat that story over and over in your brain now you're stuck, because now you've sort of convinced yourself there's nothing I can do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's one thing about playing a victim or seeing yourself as a victim is that you don't allow yourself to see. Give yourself ownership to change it, right.
Speaker 2:Exactly, that's exactly right.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's interesting and you know I learned these, so I, I. This is how I learned a lot of these lessons, Cause, by the way, it's school of hard knocks for me.
Speaker 2:But I started. So you know, we talked about the stories we tell ourselves from a very young age and my storytelling started. I remember when I was nine years old and I was on my way to school in the fourth grade, and I got called home from school and I walk in the door and there's my dad. He's sitting in the room, he's across from me, he's got his arms stretched out. So I walked up to him and he wraps his arms around me and we're eye to eye. He's sitting, I'm standing, and he said three words forever changed my life. He said mommy's in heaven.
Speaker 2:And in that moment I just remember how I felt. I was so scared and I started why? Why did this happen? Why did this happen to me? Why is this happening now? All normal questions, but when they start, especially at a young age, and they repeat and they repeat and I felt so scared and alone. And why me? Why me?
Speaker 2:And ultimately the loneliness and all of those sad feelings, they continue to grow and grow over the years and I used to lie in my bed at night and I would just cry out loud God, let me die. And ultimately the doctors gave my story a name for me depression and I had three decades of depression and I tried everything to make those bad feelings go away. And I mean I tried it all. I tried workaholism did not work. I tried alcoholism workaholism did not work. I tried alcoholism definitely did not work. And so everything I did because of my stories, I was just trying everything I could to make the bad feelings go away.
Speaker 2:Um, but over time, a lot of research, a lot of book reading, a lot of, you know, studying all the things we're talking about, I realized that changing my self-talk was the key that finally turned everything around. Yeah, yeah, and I. And it changed my career, it changed my relationships, it changed everything. And so I thought, golly, if that worked that way for me, is it a coincidence or could these tools help someone else? So I started sharing them with my leadership coaching clients, and I started seeing their lives change. I mean transformation, and it's like one after the other, after the other, and then I realized this idea of changing your self-talk. It is a game changer for anyone who's trying to overcome anything in their life or achieve anything that they'd like to achieve.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I love that. So you know, you talked about workaholism and I'm thinking about how many people out there who are working extremely hard to make themselves feel better by accomplishment. Right, if I accomplish this, then I'll feel better, then I'll have friends, whatever the belief is or whatever the story is right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly, because every decision is just we're all trying to get a feeling. I mean, we're earth, human, earthlings. We all want to feel a certain thing. We want to feel happiness, we want to feel joy, we want to feel ecstasy, we want to feel whatever all of our decisions, or we want to avoid a negative feeling. So you know, listen, I want to eat that piece of cake. It's because it's going to make me, I want to feel, you know, whatever. So so, yeah, that's, that's exactly right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I'm thinking now. I'm thinking you mentioned and I would love to get into some like the practical ways of how you start to implement this but you mentioned how people they see themselves differently than what they actually are. Right, you talked about how you sat down with very successful people who are. They seem like they have everything all put together from your point of view. From your perspective, you look at them like, hey, you are amazing, you have so much going for you, but the internal dialogue that they have about themselves is totally different.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:Right, and so I would love to hear yeah, what did that look like? How did we start to flip it so that it's more in alignment with who they actually are?
Speaker 2:So that's, and so I'm going to try to select some tools, because the book literally has dozens and dozens. So every the way it's organized, every chapter is a story. You tell yourself how I learned that lesson, and then it's got tools to change it and then some client examples. So one of the examples that I use is we're telling ourselves stories about the past, we're telling ourselves stories about the present. And we're telling ourselves stories about the present and we're telling ourselves stories about the future. And so the stories about the past are usually I, messed up kids or like there's something that I did wrong in the past. And so I always say we want to change our past stories and you can do that by celebrating your wins.
Speaker 2:So I, a lot of this is journaling, so getting a notebook and every day write down three wins from the day or from the previous day, because usually all we're focused on is what I did wrong. So that's one, because then you're going to develop new habit patterns. If you do again, doesn't care, I don't care what if it's in the morning or in the night, but do it same time every day. You'll develop the habit. You know, I got the kids out the door on time. I whatever it doesn't have to be big or small Three things, that three wins that you accomplished, from the day every day.
Speaker 2:And then we're telling ourselves stories about the present, meaning it's usually all the things I don't like. Oh, I don't like what this person on my team did at work. I don't like you know this political ad that's coming across my feed right now. So I always say write down three things that you're grateful for. And we talk about gratitude journaling all the time, but three things. So, instead of going to work and saying I hate my boss, I don't like the team, I don't like the work that I do, hey, I get free coffee in the break room every day. Whatever, three things every day. So that's the present. And then, in the future is the affirmation that you mentioned, josh it's. You know, maybe there's something that you are telling yourself now that's negative, but you'd like it to be different in the future. So write it down the way you want to believe it, even if you don't in the moment. Yeah, so the past is celebration, the present is appreciation and the future is affirmation.
Speaker 1:I love that. It's about focusing on the good when it comes to these three things as opposed to the bad. Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I will tell you when you do this every day, and you can do this in less than 10 minutes, less than 10 minutes to do all three of these in a day you will start to change the way you're thinking, because it's becoming a new, you're developing a new habit you're thinking because it's becoming a new, you're developing a new habit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and it's man, I can't, I can't tell you how great gratitude is Moments of anxiety, moments of you know kind of feeling like you have an attitude we're never perfect, right, and we talked about playing injured before and these are real time things that you can do when you are feeling kind of negative, kind of not in a great headspace, to start to think about the good, what you're grateful for. Yeah, like that, yeah.
Speaker 2:I got an awesome OK, I got an awesome story about playing. It was a great playing injured story. You ready for this?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm ready, we'll have to.
Speaker 2:So okay. So one of my clients he got a notification that he was a manager in a healthcare organization and he got a notification that he's getting laid off. And he had he and I had worked together to land him this job. It was his dream job. He loved the organization, they loved him, and he was so bummed that he was getting laid off.
Speaker 2:And so at first he was just kind of that victim, like why is this happening? Why me? And I said, okay, that's fine, you get. You know, you get five minutes for that. And now like what is that future affirmation? What do you want to believe? Um, and he really, really struggled to talk about playing injured.
Speaker 2:He's gonna lose his job. You know, how's he gonna support his family? Um, he was. He was really upset with with the news and he said I said what do you want to? Who do you want to be? He said I want to do the right thing even when it feels like the wrong thing is happening to me. I was like that's awesome. So he started writing that down every day, telling himself over and over and over I'm going to be, that's who I'm going to be. So the organization then asked him, or they said you know, here's your layoff day, you're going to get laid off at this date. And he showed up that way.
Speaker 2:Right up until the last minute, people would stop him in the hallway. It's not fair. This is happening. I can't believe they're doing this to you. And he'd say I'm grateful for this organization. They've really given me an opportunity to support my family and learn some new things. So it's the 11th hour. It's like the day before his last day. And he gets a phone call from a senior leader and they're like man, we've been talking about you, we can't believe how awesome you are, and we decided we don't want to lose you, so we think we can combine your job with another job. Anyway, we can find some salary here and we're going to give you a new position here. And we're going to give you a new position. It's a promotion and a 35% pay increase. So he gets that. And he gets that because of the way he showed up.
Speaker 2:But then, josh, 18 months later, same thing happens again. The organization goes through another round of layoffs and he gets the same announcement and he calls me up. He's like Marianne, it's not fair. I can't believe it. I did everything right. I did everything right. I just can't believe it. He says to me what should I do? I said well, what do you think you should do? So he says I'm going to do the right thing, even when it feels like the wrong thing is happening to me. Now this is a new story and it's not one that he feels like. So it's him stepping into somebody else. So he thought worked for me last time, maybe it'll work for me again.
Speaker 2:11th hour comes, oh, and this second time around they asked him to help out with the transition, which essentially means he has to help people through their layoffs even when he's getting laid off. So he does everything right. The last day comes, he's waiting for the phone call. He doesn't get it. He packs all his stuff up in a box. He goes home so bummed out.
Speaker 2:Next day gets a phone call. Senior vice president says I called the CEO, I told them about you. Ceo says I've been hearing about this guy. Let's get him back in here. They call him back, ask him to interview for a job he wasn't even considered for, gets the job, another big pay increase and now he's like I like this job even better than the last one. But I think you know. So the point of the story is like the stuff works when you start to think what is it that you want? Who is the person that you want to be, what is the story you want to tell or demonstrate? You've got to just write it down and start leaning into it, even when you don't feel like it.
Speaker 1:And you know he did it, he just he focused on what he can control.
Speaker 2:He focused on what he could control. That is exactly right.
Speaker 1:And all that he was. He was kind of comfortable with the uncertainty and that's kind of a thing that even in my life I've been looking to become more comfortable with, and that is uncertainty. When things are uncertain, how can I see the good in it, how can I stay calm in it and trust that it's going to go my way? And you kind of stated it is like kind of state what you want to happen in the future and state what you can control. He didn't really state anything that was out of his control. He didn't say they're going to keep me Right. Yeah, hey, how do I want to show up, how do I want to be?
Speaker 2:Absolutely, because it was a thousand percent unknown and uncertainty. I mean he's facing uncertainty of I'm going to lose my job. Where's my money going to come from? How am I going to support my family? What am I going to do? What would I apply for? No, I'm just going to focus on doing the right thing, even when it feels like the wrong thing's happening to me. But you're to your point. He focused on what he could control. How am I going to show up every day? What conversations am I going to have?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I love that. So, yeah, tell me this then. Right, how do we get past past experiences that may have caused a certain belief that we have? So, for instance, let's say, if he did lose his job the first time and it happens again, or maybe he gets an email or a phone call and he starts to get these heart, his heart starts pumping, he starts to feel some anxiety because this feels very similar to last time. How do you not let past experiences kind of ruin current circumstances?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, so it depends on what past circumstance you want to focus on.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So I always like to say what you focus on expands. So you can focus on a past experience that is negative or you can focus on a past experience that is positive. So what I, so what I'll tell clients, is okay. What is it you're telling yourself that's holding you back? Let's write it down. What is the story, the new story you want to tell yourself or believe? And then, where do you have evidence of your past that talks about that future story you want to believe? So let me explain what I mean.
Speaker 2:So we might say let's say I want this. I don't think I'm good enough. I'm not good enough. I want to apply for this job but I'm not good enough. And you know, I could sit here all day long and tell myself all these negative stories about the past. I don't have the right degree. I've been passed over a million times before. I've already tried this. It hasn't worked All the things of the past.
Speaker 2:Or you could say I'm resourceful enough to apply for this job and get it. Okay, where do I have evidence in my past that I've been resourceful? Have I ever been resourceful before? Yeah, yeah, I figured out how to get through college and it was pretty expensive and I did that. Well, I do remember this one job that I got that I really wanted. So now what you want to do is because this makes it easier for your brain to make this leap into this new future story Once you have the evidence. That's kind of the secret ingredient, because of something called cognitive dissonance and you might have heard of cognitive dissonance, josh. It's like when you have two competing thoughts in your brain, your brain can only hold on to one, so it's going to try to kick out that new idea that you want to lean into. So if you have some real life evidence, it makes it easier for your brain to hold on to that new future story that you want to tell yourself. Wow.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so that's what I'm starting to realize is that it's in all of this. It's about focusing on the good, choosing what you want to focus on and choosing the good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, what you focus on expands, so it really does. I mean this is, you know, there's some research in my book, the Locus of Control, and there are a lot of people have written about that, and Stephen Covey has written about that as well. But, you know, this idea that whatever we focus on, more of that is going to show up. And so, you know, if you focus on the negatives, it's not to discount them, it's not to say that they didn't exist, and I'm definitely talking about something different than, oh, I just experienced the loss of a loved one and I'm grieving. Well, that's different, you know, because people will always ask me that, marianne, are you trying to, you know, lean into toxic positivity? No, no, we're not saying that, but we're just saying you know, when you focus on something negative, you will stay in that space, and so there's time for feeling the emotion, but there's a time for moving through it and focusing on what you want for your future.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and not even you know. I know a lot of people. You hear about toxic positivity, but also, no matter what negative is going to be toxic regardless, Right? Sometimes, they say hey, it is hard to be in a place where you can be positive, but can you do your best not to be negative? Can you be neutral and just kind of be as present as you can?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean so much of this conversation. The conversations on this topic are really contextual. It's all about the context. And so you know, again, we are made with well, what does Brene Brown say? 87 different emotions, or something like that, and the and our emotions are meant to be felt Absolutely. You know something sad happens you lose a loved one, or you know, you know something sad happens you lose a loved one, or you know, yes, you want to feel that, but you're feeling that and moving through it. That's a whole different topic than what we're talking about. We're talking about, you know, showing up in the workplace and you know someone in the workplace is like can you believe the boss did this? You know constant, chronic complaining, constant chronic criticizing or judgment, judge, being judgmental of someone else or yourself. That's what we're talking about. That's completely different than you know feeling those, the emotions that are meant to be felt, which, by the way, they're meant to be felt and passed through like a weather pattern, not like stay in that space.
Speaker 1:Yeah, 100%. So 10 stories. Right In your book Self Talk you talk about 10 stories you tell yourself that hold you back. Is there any more common themes that you see in those 10 stories? Right, you talk about some type of version of not feeling good enough and then kind of having that victim mentality. Is there anything else that you feel like most people or a common theme that a lot of folks are held back by?
Speaker 2:You know there are another. So I'd say all 10 of them are very common and I think if people get the book they'll see themselves in those stories and the book is meant to be read cover to cover. But then you can pull it out and say which one of these do I need today? Like, which story am I telling today? But another one is really like, what if I fail? Oh, you know, people are afraid to take action because they're afraid of failure. Right, that was actually the story.
Speaker 2:So you referenced the TED talk that I did, taking these, a group of you know small town hip hop kids from Aurora, illinois, and winning the national junior Olympics in a category called dance sport, which, by the way, we were neither dancers not real dancers. We never took dance lessons, right, and we were not athletes. But I learned. Those kids taught me because I was. We had an invitation to compete and I thought are you going to be kidding me? We can't do that. Like what are people going to think? What if we fall on our faces? You know, what if people laugh at us? So I was terrified. What if we fell? And the kids were the opposite? They were like let's do it. And they taught me to say yes first, and that's a big antidote to what if I fail? Let's say yes first instead of lead with all the reasons something might not work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just say yes and then allow yourself to figure it out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, say yes first. And you know, listen, I always say, like, think of your goal as an experiment instead of this big final destination. Like what if I fail? It's just a science experiment, maybe it'll go well, maybe it won't. I'll learn something, I'll have an experience and we'll move on. So it takes the pressure off when you think of your goal as an experiment. And then I like to say you know, start with small decisions that don't feel so big and scary. So just start with something small, build on, build on.
Speaker 2:And the third thing I say when you're afraid of failing is when you're telling yourself a story, play the story all the way through to the end. And that's something I learned from my sponsor and AA, and that is because we say, oh my gosh, I might fail. And then we stop there and we're terrified. But if I play that story all the way through, I go okay, I show up, I don't win a gold medal, and then I get on a plane and I fly back home and I go to bed in my own bed and I get up and have a meal Like I'm just keeping that. Oh, it's not that big of a deal when I play the story all the way through. So those are some of the tools you can read more about in the book to overcome that story. That's a real common one, especially for people that have they feel like they just have more inside them.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And they're just afraid to reach out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that. What if I fail? And then actually thinking about it, like think about it and you'll realize that it's not as bad as I think it is.
Speaker 2:Right, that's exactly right. Because we stop with the word fail and then we is as if we're just falling off a cliff. But if we keep going and thinking it through and playing the tape as if it's a story that continues, oh, that's not that big of a deal yeah, now tell me this do you think that when people think about failing right, um, it might make themselves, um?
Speaker 1:they're scared of the feeling of it because it reminds them, maybe, of something before right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's yeah, absolutely. You know, we are afraid of our feelings.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And they're just feelings.
Speaker 1:And that's it. Talk about that. They're just feelings.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:The way you said it is is, if not, that I take them serious. They're good indicators, but don't allow them to kind of like rule your day to day, Right yeah?
Speaker 2:exactly. Don't take it too seriously. Right, you know you. So what I like to say is that our feelings are just alarm signals, like if my, if my alarm clock I don't know if I'm dating myself like I still have an alarm clock, even though.
Speaker 2:I have one on my phone but if it goes, if that alarm goes off in the morning, it's telling me to take an action. And in that case, get up and our feelings are the same way. Uh, you know, my, my heart is pounding and our feelings are the same way. You know, my heart is pounding, my face feels hot, my pulse is racing. Oh, there's an alarm bell going. I'm feeling anxious, I'm feeling worried, all of those things. That's an alarm bell, okay, that's all it is. So it's telling me to take an action. And once I can identify okay, I have this alarm bell going off I'm having feelings of anxiousness. What is the action that's indicating for me to take? And then that's my decision and that's how. It's just a feeling, yeah, but it's like you do something with it. I don't have to let it rule me and just stop, stop me in my tracks.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then also too right Feelings. Feelings they come and go, right feel this weather.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can feel this way one time, one day, and then feel like this the next day.
Speaker 2:Yes, just like you and I like today it's 23 below zero for you and I josh yeah, and next week it's going to be 45 degrees.
Speaker 1:It's crazy, but I guess, um, it is. You know, like you mentioned, the uncertainty that scares people, especially when it comes to failure. You play it all the way through. You get an opportunity to get some certainty on what you're afraid of, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely, and I think you know you mentioned uncertainty a couple of times. I mean, that really is a big trigger for a lot of people in the workplace. Things are uncertain, certainly, you know, in our lives, just are you get in your car, everything's going to be uncertain on the road, um and so. But we're wired for certainty, we're wired for self-preservation and safety, and so uncertainty doesn't feel safe, um and so. We've got to have the tools, like I have in the book, to help us navigate through uncertainty, um, things that are unknown. And that's, you know, one of the biggest constants, and is going to continue to increase, is change and uncertainty.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so we might as well get comfortable with it right?
Speaker 2:You've got to just develop the tools right.
Speaker 1:And you talk about tools right, and I definitely want to talk about this. And you talk about tools right and I definitely want to talk about this. I'm looking at your website right now and these tools that you have in this book. Right now, folks can download free chapters, download a free workbook, right Group coaching program as well, so you have a lot of tools that really help folks start to become masters of their mind and get a better understanding. Folks can pre-order your book on Amazon, bronze and Noble Target Bookshop Books A Million Indigo, multiple different ways you can.
Speaker 2:Anywhere. Books are sold Wherever you your your favorite place to buy books. You can pre-order this book and you're right you can get. The workbook is free, so that's on my website and the workbook has every single tool. Every chapter's got several tools at the end of the chapter. Those are all in the workbook.
Speaker 1:You can get that and you can start reading right away yeah, I love it, and you can find this actually on mariannerinnercom backslash self-talk very easy, very easy to get to. Uh, it's. This is such a big subject and I think the first time I heard about self-talk it was actually, um, my college coach so showed us NFL Films video on YouTube. It's actually still on YouTube today. These NFL players talking to themselves right, they had the mic on their jersey A bunch of examples of them talking to themselves, reminding themselves who they were right. Even these top athletes in the world, some of the people at the top of their position, they still need self-talk to remind themselves who they are, to help them in those times where they have some type of self-doubt. And that was huge for me to see because I was thinking, hey, these guys should feel confident, they should feel on top of the world. They don't need self-talk, but they happen to use it more than anybody else was thinking, hey, these guys should feel confident, they should feel on top of the world.
Speaker 2:They don't need self-talk, but they happen to use it more than anybody else. So it was huge to see. That is such a great example. I love that example because you're right, those are the heroes and the models we look up to. I can think of one particular client. She was a director and a small organization and she was so unhappy and she had such negative self-talk. She really thought she wasn't good enough and she was miserable. She was going to quit. She said, marianne, I'm going to quit and go clean houses. And I was like whoa, whoa, whoa. And then she kind of figured out that she really loved the work. It was just some other things. She thought she didn't have the right degree. She thought she wasn't as smart as other people around. So we worked on changing her self-talk and today she's the CEO of that organization.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Wow that is huge Just changing. You know people will come to me and they're there. They have strained work, strained relationships in the workplace or out. They are unfulfilled, so they want more fulfilling work. And when we start the conversations, that's what we're talking about. When we peel back the layers of the onion, there's usually some story. They're telling themselves that that's really the root of what's keeping them stuck they're telling themselves that that's really the root of what's keeping them stuck.
Speaker 1:100%. I love it. Where can folks continue to follow your story? Obviously, we gave them your website. Where else can folks continue to follow you?
Speaker 2:can find me on Facebook. You can find me on Instagram as Mary Ann Renner Speaker, who knew it was so hard to get your own name on Instagram and LinkedIn? So you can find me on those three social media platforms as well.
Speaker 1:I love it. And no, marianne, I appreciate you coming on the show. It's just, I feel like it's such a simple thing that it's simple not to do either.
Speaker 2:Right, oh my gosh, yes, you, that is the million dollar word. So the tools are super powerful and the reason they're so powerful is because they're simple, because simple works. Yeah, you know I've done every kind of workout program, every kind of nutrition program. The more complicated it is, the less likely I'm going to be to follow through. Yes, so, but you just got to do it. That's all. You just got to do it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. Stay accountable to it and let it become a habit. Let it become a habit for you and watch how you think differently about who you are.
Speaker 2:Right, absolutely yes, what it's all about.
Speaker 1:But, marianne, we appreciate you coming on the show and you added value to us today.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, it has been such a delight and, josh, I love the work that you are putting out in the world. Thank you for having me and for doing what you do.
Speaker 1:I appreciate it, all right.
