Playing Injured
Playing Injured is the podcast for men who want to grow stronger in every area of life. Every man faces challenges, setbacks, and unseen battles, and how we respond defines the kind of men we become.
Hosted by Josh Dillingham and Mason Eddy, entrepreneurs and former collegiate athletes, Playing Injured ranks in the top 2% of podcasts globally with over 140 episodes.
Every man plays injured spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially. Playing Injured is built on these five dimensions, exploring what it means to keep showing up and growing stronger through life’s tough seasons with raw stories, expert guests, and grounded conversations.
Josh and Mason equip men with the mindset, tools, and stories to build resilience, lead with strength, and thrive even when life feels like they’re playing injured.
Playing Injured
From Wounds To Worth: Building Your Emotional Support System | Jonathan Aslay (EP 149)
The chase for status is loud. The quiet work of self-worth is louder. We sit down with midlife self-love coach Jonathan Ashley to unpack how men can build genuine confidence without the scoreboard—by caring for the “emotional six-year-old” inside, stepping into the observer’s seat, and practicing non-attachment so expectations stop running the show.
Jonathan shares a practical framework: self-love as the bundle of self-worth, self-esteem, self-confidence, self-reliance, and self-discipline, activated through daily reps. We dig into the tools that create emotional scaffolding before life shakes—journaling that names real feelings, meditation and breathwork to calm the nervous system, yoga to connect body and heart, therapy to untie childhood knots, and books that offer language for growth. Along the way, we tackle comparison culture and the myth of the “four sixes,” making the case for moving competition to the court and turning friendship into a refuge for truth.
You’ll hear how service multiplies “emotional currency,” why vulnerability isn’t venting but honest ownership, and how surrender shifts your experience from judgment to peace. With stories, book recs, and hard-won wisdom, Jonathan shows that steady inner worth can survive career swings, breakups, and the internet’s highlight reels. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s presence. Choose one habit today—five minutes of breath, a page of journaling, a call to a friend—and make a deposit into your emotional bank account.
If this conversation helps, follow and share it with someone who needs a steadier inner base. Subscribe for more thoughtful, heart-led growth, and leave a review to tell us what you’ll practice this week.
Want to be a guest on Playing Injured? Send Joshua Dillingham a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/playinginjured
This episode is all about learning to take care of the parts of ourselves we've been ignoring for years. Today's guest, Jonathan Ashley, is a midlife self-love coach whose work comes from a real place. After walking through deep loss, he's made it a mission to help people build genuine self-worth from the inside out. We get into the idea of the emotional six-year-old we're all carrying, why self-love is a daily practice, and how journaling, meditation, and even therapy can create a real emotional support system. We also talk about letting go of comparisons and how vulnerability and service can build the kind of emotional currency that actually sustains us. So I can't wait to get into this one. Let's do it. Who is John and how does he spend his time today?
SPEAKER_04:Well, I mean, I could give you the spiritual answer, is that I'm a spiritual being having a human experience. And even then, I'm still exploring what that is for myself. I mean, I I, you know, typically when I get these questions, you know, I mean, I usually start off with the professional resume is, you know, I'm a dating relationship coach, self-love life coach, that sort of thing. Now, my specialty is midlife, which I say is after baby making years and before retirement. And I know your audience is younger men, you know, and why I wanted to preface that is, you know, when I was in my 20s and 30s, I used to hang out with the guys who were 50 and 60 years old at the company I worked for because I thought those are the guys that had the wisdom. Yeah. You know, those guys had the experience. So when you invited me to be on your show, I'm like, oh, like I'm now one of those guys, right? Yeah, 100%. And to share from that vantage point what what you feel is best your audience wants to talk about.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. So obviously, talking about dating, talking about being a life coach, one of the things that really got me excited about getting you on the show was the self-love piece.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And I can talk about my own journey, right? You and I, before we press record, we talked about sharing personal stories. For me, right, and this is recently really trying to understand what it means to love myself, right? Yeah. And I think a lot of men in their 20s, here's what we start to do: we look for things outside of us to make us feel better. Whether that is the relationship, getting a girl, getting a promotion, living in a nice apartment, getting the new car, clothes, we can keep going, right?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And I guess I'm getting to a point where I'm realizing, like, wow, I don't know if I've ever truly chosen myself and actually validating who I am, right?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So hearing you and understanding your perspective, what is self-love? What is that? What even is that?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, and you know, for us men, this is kind of a different conversation. And and not to parse women to be substantially different, but for guys, you know, this is a little bit more of a challenge just to even accept, to embrace. Although I think you're, you know, the younger gen demograph, you know, generation, the, you know, the 20 or 30 year olds, you know, uh, this is certainly a buzzword that's been around. And the way I look at self-love, I think of self-worth, self-esteem, self-confidence, self-reliance, self-discipline. And the reason why it's just wrapped up in love, because love is one of the highest frequencies we can attain. You know, like when you're in the zone, like even in a professional capacity or or sports capacity, I mean, you're in a high frequency, and that's what love represents. But more importantly, Josh, what self-love represents is we all have a little wounded six-year-old inside of us, an emotional six-year-old inside of us. You know, it could have been when our parents said no to us, which they said repeatedly. It could have been you had something that happened where you fell down and you hurt yourself. There, we all have, and and I'm, I know I'm talking about physical things, but there are a lot of emotional things we experienced as a child. And what self-love is, in my book, you know, I mean, in my world, it's like just taking care of that little emotional six-year-old inside of us and saying, as the adult, I've got your back. I've got your back. But more importantly, and in particular because of what you shared a moment ago, you know, like I am my car, I am my apartment, I am my job, I am all these things, right? You know, those are the things in our lives, but who we really are as individuals are sovereign beings. In other words, we are a sovereign being. We are, and and not from the vantage point of being an island per se, but if you're on a deserted island for argument's sake, it's taking care of yourself. It's not counting on anyone else, you know, it's like taking care of myself and even taking care of my own needs, my own happiness, that sort of thing. So I'm I'm giving you a broad overview of what I think self-love is. And it's really about taking care of the emotional six-year-old. It's about that self-word, self-discipline, self-confidence, all those self-words. And it's also taking care of your own needs and not expecting it from anyone else.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And so, and that's what I think it is, right? Is that a lot of times we look for something outside of us to fill that void that that six-year-old wounded version of ourselves is filling. And I don't think a lot of people are even aware of that wounded version of themselves. They just know that I need something to fill this void. Yeah. And they feel uncomfortable with that feeling, right? Yeah. It's like, hey, I need, I've been, it's been so many times where I felt like I needed something to go my way. And it didn't go my way, and I end up kind of suffering because of it. And then you end up realizing, like, hey, over time, something better actually happened along the way. Yeah. Yeah. But I didn't have to suffer, right?
SPEAKER_04:Suffering is optional. You know, that's something we oftentimes do to ourselves. I mean, it's not to suggest that if I stub my toe or stepped on a thorn, I'm gonna feel some pain. You know, that's that's a physical experience. But from an emotional standpoint, often I believe, well, who's it's a friend of mine once said, desperation is the mother of a disaster. And wait, what is it? Desperation. No, expectations is the mother of disaster, and desperation is its twin sister, you know. So when we expect something, and this would start leaning into the Buddhist philosophy, if we start looking at non-attachment to the outcome, it's we just do an experience for the experience itself without some expectation around it, then we won't we won't suffer if we don't meet that expectation, but we can also appreciate the joy that can come from that experience of doing. You know, there's a lot of ways of looking at it, slicing this onion, you know. But I want to say something for your demographic. Please forgive me for saying it this way. Folks, if you're listening or watching, I'm 60 years old, so I've been around the block a little while. That's crazy. And and I have a 29-year-old son, so I get to witness his life journey. And and to some degree, I don't envy you guys. You know, I mean, I'm gonna tell you something. I grew up in the 60s and 70s, it was a whole different ball game. And and I looked at what you have to contend with on a variety of different layers, and it's not easy being a young man today for a variety of different reasons. And more importantly, while you're in the greatest opportunity of growth than my generation, because emotional growth, personal development, self-help, spiritual work was scoffed upon. I mean, it's it's becoming more revered today. I I think young men are struggling for a variety of different reasons, particularly is in many cases, you have a lot of role models in the in the in the social media world that are providing a lot of toxic, you know, advice your guys' way, not really, and and to some degree they look like great role models, but I don't think they're really nurturing your emotional soul. They're really just hyping the the status of I need to have I need to be over six foot tall, have six uh six figures in the bank account, six pack abs and a bigger than a six-inch penis, you know, and and life is way more than those four sixes I just talked about. Right.
SPEAKER_00:And so, and and that's I guess that's the piece of it is to be able to be happy with ourselves.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And coming from a place of abundance where you don't have to necessarily play games or come from a place of need, right?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, yeah. You know, you said something earlier that I wanted to touch upon. So so when you think of self-awareness, this is the way I look at self-awareness. I look at it like, first off, it's the awareness that we have fears, it's the awareness we have insecurities, it's the awareness that we have negative judgments, it's the awareness how our actions affect others, it's the awareness of our negative patterns in life and it's our limiting beliefs and how we can shift to love to make a you know, to to, I don't want to say avoid emotional pain, but to to you know transcend beyond emotional pain. But emotional awareness is this the way I look at, so you know, I'm this is just Jonathan's point of view. We are all actors on a stage, and we'll use a play, for example, not a movie screen. We're an actor's on the on a stage, and the direct and that's represents you, but your ego is the director telling you what to do. Okay, and the other actors in the play are just mirrors of who you are in some way, shape, or form. But most importantly, self-awareness is that you're also the audience member watching the play of your life. And so if we filmed your life, you know, over a month period of time and you went back to watch it as the observer, that's what self-awareness is, to look at it from an objective point of view. Yeah. And so we look at our actions, our fears, our insecurities, the way we treat other people. And if you can do it from an objective point of view, without, you know, flogging yourself or beating yourself up emotionally, because love wouldn't do that. We wouldn't, that little six-year-old, you wouldn't beat up that little six-year-old emotional, you know, creature inside of you, person inside of you, excuse me. It's learning to live life from that objective point of view. And when you can do that, I'm gonna say a lot less suffering, a lost less, a lot less anxiety, anxiousness, confusion is when you can step away from that from an objective point of view.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, you'll be able to observe your thoughts, observe your actions, observe, observe why you do certain things, right? Hey, why did I, first of all, why did I do these different things? And I think that comes with you know, journaling, with some quiet time, right? With certain practices that will help you, you know, become a little bit more self-aware, even in the moment, right? Being able to take a step back and say, Man, why did I do that? Or why did that trigger me? And then you're able to kind of unpack things from there.
SPEAKER_04:You by the way, very well put, you know, it's looking, it's self-reflecting, and and journaling is a great tool, especially if you can get down to the feelings that you're actually feeling. If you can describe that feeling of anxiety, fear, uncertainty, you know, and really diving into our emotions, you know, and men particularly haven't been like my generation, we were given permission to do this, you know. You know, I think for millennials and Gen Zs and younger folks, there's more opportunity for this. So journaling is a great way to do this to the guys that are listening.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. So when when I asked you about love, you mentioned self-esteem, self-worth, I think you said self-regard, self-image, a lot of these different things. Yeah. What practices can men start to do? I guess to fall in love with themselves a little bit more, right? To continue to grow in these self-kind of concept areas that you mentioned. Because I feel like a lot of men need it because we are looking online and seeing these guys out here and they're driving the Ferrari and they have all these different things out there that we start to compare ourselves as opposed to coming from a place a little bit more of a self-compassion.
SPEAKER_04:Um, you know, you know, again, unfortunately, your generation is also well, mine too. You know, it was like I I grew up with the movie Wall Street, greed is good, you know, and and chasing superficial things and material things would bring me joy. What I've learned for myself is what brings me the most joy is love and learning. And so you ask, what can you do? Well, first off, I mean, I can give you a list of a few things right now. Yeah, let's do it. And and one is to begin a journaling practice, like you said. And by the way, no, no particular order, what I'm gonna say. Journaling would be a great thing, meditation would be a great thing, yoga practices, you know, and while physical exercise, but what's special about yoga is it's intended to be a certain way to help connect to your heart, your breathing beyond just the lifting weights piece. Let's see what else. Oh, I would say reading books. You know, go back to some old-fashioned reading. Now you can do, I by the way, I buy the audio and the print book whenever I get something. I do both at the same time. It's just kind of my thing. Me too. But certainly reading and and and reading self-help, personal development, spiritual books, that would be on the list. I would certainly invite those to listen to podcasts that have some rich personal development tools built into the podcast. I would incorporate that in a person's life. Maybe even therapy could be added to that to look at your childhood and reflect upon how your parents fucked you up. They didn't mean to do it, guys. They didn't mean to do it. It's just a byproduct of this experience. But to look at our parents and examine those childhood wounds and do some specific healing if necessary, going to therapy, going to a workshop, and devoting, I'm gonna say a minimum of 15 minutes every day, but preferably an hour of one's day in the personal development, self-help, spiritual work, therapy in your life, and hence the self-love piece. Because what this does, all these tools, it builds emotional scaffolding. So God forbid something big happens emotionally. You've already built that scaffolding, you already, you know, did the weightlifting that you can handle it so much better than just dealing with the from scratch.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I think that's the the the biggest piece. Is I don't I don't know if a lot of men look into meditation. Yo, before you jumped on, right? You saw me, I was doing some some breath work in meditation and different things like that. But what it's done for me, especially a person like myself, who is very much an overthinker, right? Very much, you know, has a certain level of fear when it comes to doing a lot of different things, right? Putting myself out there more, right? I've had to develop through, you know, kind of meditation, through reading books, through therapy on my, you know, on myself, right? And even looking at certain feelings, right, that I have when it comes to, hey, about to jump on a podcast or about to put myself out there and talk from a certain stage or something like that, and giving myself some compassion as opposed to blaming myself for certain things, right? That's another piece that I've done.
SPEAKER_04:So so can can we do a little uh can I do a little coaching with you? Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. Okay, so so you only because you said overthinking.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:And and I don't I don't believe in overthinking. Now, now let me just say this. You know, some people don't think enough. Okay. So, so and I'm I'm being tongue-in-cheek for a moment. If you find yourself repeating a pattern of thoughts, okay, and it's just and it doesn't bring you joy, you know, if it's a repetition of thought and it doesn't bring you joy and you're you're stuck, certainly that we would want to work on, you know, as a as a and to kind of examine what was going on. But you know what? I and I jokingly said people don't think enough. I think to to appreciate this gift of your mind, you know, and especially if you can do it from that objective point of view, like I mean, because it's funny because people think I'm an overthinker and I noodle a lot and I'm exhausting and that sort of thing. I have a blast going down um you know mental and emotional rabbit holes every day because that's play for me. But but I've developed it in such a way that doing that is play for me. Okay. Walk me through that.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, walk me through that. What do you mean by that?
SPEAKER_04:So I'll give you an example. So my beloved and I were watching the show Nobody Wants This last night. And and there's a scene with one of the characters that happens to be Joanne, the female lead, and and she's like, she she will verbalize her anxiety to her boyfriend. She'll verbalize her anxiety and her her fear of abandonment, her fear of of rejection. That's usually always the kind of the main things. It's fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, not feeling safe. Those are kind of the top fears we emotion we human beings experience. And as she's sharing this, I'm I'm laughing with my girlfriend. I go, that's so me. But I'm also laughing at the absurdity of my fears. Like I can sometimes look at my fears and I'm like, I'm like looking again, being the objective observer, watching, going, you knock and I and I don't do it in in a true self-deprecation, painful way, but I laugh at myself, going, wow, what another interesting way to love myself.
SPEAKER_02:Wow.
SPEAKER_04:Like to look at my fears and insecurities and like examine them. And then I go, Wow, I found another way to love myself because what that emotion brought up was something to be healed. Yeah. And so, you know, you hear the word trigger, right? You know, and and trigger can be a good thing. I can be triggered to happiness, you know. When I see two dogs cuddling each other, that triggers my happiness. We we think of the word trigger as kind of a negative thing, but all it does is we we could look at the word trigger as inspiration, inspires. So, so I just got inspired to find another way to love myself. Wow. And that's some of the things I do. And by the way, Josh, I mean, I'm still scratching the ant's belly at this shit. And please forgive me for saying it as shit, but I'm still scratching my ant's belly or scratching the ant's belly. This has been an ongoing practice for me for almost 20 years, probably more intensely in the last seven years since I wrote my book about self-love. And and and I I don't even think, you know, I think this human experience is designed to try on all these different emotions, like trying on Halloween costumes on any given day. We might try on hundreds of different emotions. And it's like, and tomorrow's gonna be a new day. Yeah, and we don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow. Anything could happen tomorrow. So I'm just giving you a flavor of the way I am.
SPEAKER_00:No, that's first of all, that's that's huge when handling things that happen, right? Yeah, even bad things that happen to us to be able to come from a place of like, wow, I get an opportunity to find some parts of myself that I didn't know before, right? And I get a chance to heal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get a chance. These parts have come up, and I get a chance to look at them and and heal them and correct it, right? Since we did, you know, our parents, right? They did some things that we probably aren't, you know, that that wouldn't have, I guess that weren't good for us, right? And we get an opportunity to to heal those parts.
SPEAKER_04:Absolutely, you know, and and as a parent, I look at my parenting. I mean, believe me, I feel my feel bad. Like I'm constantly going, God, I'm really sorry I fucked you up, you know, and we laugh about it. It's funny because he'll come to me sharing some, you know, girl stories because I'm his I'm a dating coach, so to have one in the family kind of that's a cheat coat, cheat coat. Yeah, but well, it's a blessing and a curse because you guys do shit that I wouldn't do, like the way you text and all that kind of crap, you know. But but what I find fascinating is I'm aware enough to know I fucked up my son. My parents had no clue that they did that, you know. Like, I'll take ownership for the shit I've done. In fact, we had kind of a almost a tiny little falling out because I was being overprotective recently. And I'm like, damn, I was being such a like I can take ownership and go, man, I was being overprotective and myopic and trying to protect you from harm in the world. I'm like, okay, go fuck up, it's on you, you know, and and but we can laugh about it because I do believe that we humans make things out to be way heavier than it needs to be. Yeah, you know, and and so it's one of the reasons why I like doing psychedelics, because when you do psychedelics, you look at the absurdity and our behavior, and you can laugh at yourself. And when you can come from that place of laughter and joy, and then maybe the frequency of love from a real compassionate, appreciative point of view, man, life just gets better.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and I feel like you know, uh people beat themselves up. I've done that, right?
SPEAKER_04:Sure, and you'll keep, by the way, Josh, you'll keep doing it until you're well past my age, okay? It's okay. But you, you know, looking at you, and you know, it's interesting for those listening and watching, you know, I I I logged on a few minutes early, I saw you doing your meditation, and my first reaction was like, fuck, that's awesome. This guy is like, he gets it. And so, you know, and even if all you do for those listening, if all you did was five minutes, swear to God, five minutes a day, five minutes a week, do something to really tap into your your to your soul, if you will. Boy, life just starts getting, and by the way, you could be in the shit of life, but I'm telling you, life will just keep getting better.
SPEAKER_00:I you know, I'm taking this from you is to be a little bit lighter with myself and with others, right? And I think we do take things personally, right? We take things personally.
SPEAKER_04:And guys, in particular, too, because I'm sorry for interrupting, you know, guys, we can be competitive with one another, we can compare ourselves to one another, and and and let me just say this, you know, and and I'm all good for comp a little bit of competition. When I play poker with my buddies, I can be a real prick because I fucking want to win, you know. But I mean, it's like only reserve. I I can be a dick for those, you know, just those poker games kind of thing. Not that I can be, but one thing is comparing yourself to the people around you is a is an emotional recipe for disaster. You are that sovereign being, whether you're the richest guy in the room or you're the poorest guy in the room. It doesn't matter. You're a sovereign being equal to everyone. And by the way, your rich friends, if you're lucky, they treat you to a lot of cool stuff because they got it. So you know, uh, and and that doesn't mean that's a blank check to ask from them, but really focusing, like letting go of comparisons, and you know what, reserve that competition for just a couple moments, not always, because being competitive with your brothers, you know, your your your mates, that sort of thing, that's just a waste of energy, you know. Yeah, it's okay to do it on the basketball court or the poker table, but leave it there and go back to just being comrades at arms.
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_04:And really and not looking at comparison. I'll tell you, Josh, when I let go of comparisons probably 20 years ago, it was freeing my connections with my male friends.
SPEAKER_00:You know, I I feel like another thing when it comes to that, we try to put this facade on that we're always okay, right? Or that we're always doing great, or that we're perfect, right? Yeah. And so with that comparison, we lose the opportunity to be vulnerable with our friends, right? Yeah, like, hey, I'm not doing well. Hey, I am struggling with this. And then on the other end, they'll be able to be vulnerable with us too about certain struggles that they're having, right? That those relationships become even more powerful when you're able to stop comparing and start to actually share how things are going, right?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, and can I piggyback on that?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:So you are a thousand percent right. And and vulnerable doesn't mean vomiting, okay? You know, it's not like, and it's not about coming from a victim point of view, you know, it's about coming from victor consciousness, you know, coming from a place of, listen, I might share with you a fear or insecurity, but I want to move past it. Okay. In other words, I'm I'm sharing something with you that makes, you know, might make me look weak, you know, from you know, the social media world, but this is where I'm at. And and I'm sharing it from a place of well, I want to grow past it. And let me just say the greatest gift you can give to another friend is to say, I need your help. Now, I don't mean I need your help, lend me money, kind of shit. I mean I need your ano, I need your emotional bank account because we all have an emotional currency within us. And we all have an abundance of emotional currency when we do the work of personal development, self-help, spiritual work therapy, that sort of thing. We build so much more emotional currency. Unfortunately, men have are valued oftentimes amongst our brothers and even society based on our financial currency. But I'm gonna tell you something, emotional currency is your every man has the potential of being a billionaire like that. You can be an emotional, you can have a billion dollars worth of emotional currency in your bank account. And that's something you can manifest really quickly when you do the work on yourself and you're listening to podcasts like this, and being able to not only ask for help, but man, always be helping. Yeah, always be helping. A B H, always be helping, like always be in a place of A B S, be of service, always be in service. And and and you'd be surprised how that comes back a hundredfold your way.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I mean you you are in a in a space of serving, of serving people, right? Yeah. What has that done for you and your emotional currency in being a life coach, right? I I know that that has been tenfold, but you you have to be on top of your game every day serving others, right?
SPEAKER_04:You know, that's interesting to be on top of my game. You know, I'm I'm hearing that and and you know, to some degree, yes and no. And and please forgive me because I I don't want to I want to acknowledge what you just shared and I appreciate that validation. But you know what? I'm not always on the best game. And sometimes I record a video and I lead with like, look, I'm going through some shit right now, and I'm just gonna tell you, I don't feel like I'm on top of my game. Yeah, um, but when I share from that place, I feel like I'm on top of my game. You know, that's the funny thing, is that you know, I I think of the book, and I will say this where's the book? The four agreements, yes, Don Miguel Ruiz, right? Don Miguel Ruiz. And you know, when I when I try to embody what's in that book, and I I fail every day. And there's really no failure. I I I'll just say I come up short to some degree, being impeccable with my word. You know, I said something stupid with my sweetheart while we were watching a movie. I don't want to say it publicly. I'm like, man, that wasn't my best, you know? And she she paused at it, she she gave me about a nanosecond of grief for it, and it was like, let go. But I went back and reflected upon it, wasn't my best. Yeah, but doing your best, being impeccable with your words, don't allow judgment of others and you know to affect you and those things from the book. I do my best every day. Some days, man, I don't even I some days I don't get fully out of bed. I mean, I do get out of bed, but I don't well. Here's the thing. I grew up in a generation where you had to be productive every single minute of the day, otherwise your worth was nothing. And there's some days I'm not overly productive, and there's other days I'm wildly productive, you know. Yeah, I don't beat myself up. I I don't glorify the wildly productive, and I don't beat myself up if I'm not fully productive, but I'm always making effort every day to be of service and to be a make a difference in people's lives.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah. Just doing it, right? And yeah, just doing it for me this weekend. I mean, I've been yesterday, day before, I've been under the weather, sick. Yeah, just feeling guilty that I haven't been able to be on top of my game, right? And for you to share, like, hey, after I've done it, I feel like I am on top of my game by actually doing it.
SPEAKER_04:Did you hear what you said to feel guilty?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, why? Right.
SPEAKER_04:By the way, just like how many hours out of if you add up how many hours you live in your life, okay, and if 24 of them, you didn't do anything, but in the 10 million hours of your life, and I don't know how many or how many hours we live, I could figure that out in a minute, but it's nothing in the scheme of things, like there's no need to even be guilty. It's like, oh, okay, give yourself grace. That's what self-love does, it gives ourselves grace because you wouldn't you wouldn't beat up a little six-year-old because they got sick. Yeah, yeah, that's what self-love is. Like, and I'm only catching you right now, Josh. Yeah, because this is the trick, right? Is to be that observer and to go, okay, I'm gonna catch myself when I even say things like that.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so I'm gonna give myself grace. 100%. So sitting here and I wanted to, I I wanted to be vulnerable, right? And sharing this self-love piece and sharing things about myself, right? Yeah, here's what I'm learning. Yeah, being more light with myself, having a little bit more fun when these kind of mental loops come, right? Being able to catch it and treat it as a game, right? Yeah, being able to catch some of those things, having more grace when it comes to certain things, right? Hey, give myself grace. I don't need to feel guilty, I don't need to blame myself, right? Yeah, some things are out of my control, right? Yeah, and then we we you also talked about being a being an observer, right? Actually observing, taking yourself out of it and observing these different things. Another thing that I'm thinking about, right, right? We talked about attachment. Yes, beginning of this year, and you talked about being a spiritual being, so I want to hear your perspective. Sure. The beginning of this year, I talked to myself about surrendering, right? Okay and letting go and being okay with not having things go the way I want them to go.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And as men, right, we really want things to go a certain way. Tell me your perspective. I I want to hear what's your thoughts on that. Surrender.
SPEAKER_04:You know, yeah, you know, that's probably, you know, it's on the upper list of like one of the hard things to do is the the attachment to an outcome, to the attachment to people, even, you know, like we and and and not to the extent that that's natural to build an attachment to your mother, your father, your siblings, your friends, and even a romantic interest in that sort of thing. So, but we one thing I've learned in this life is we're gonna have things happen that are outside of our control a lot. Okay, it's gonna happen a lot. So when you recognize that that's gonna happen, because the sus the perpetual state of happiness is an illusion, you know, and and even like sometimes we look at some of the most famous rich people in the world, they're miserable, even though we think, oh, we'd be so happy if we had all the their stuff, for example. So there's a really amazing book by Michael Singer called The Surrender Experiment, Surrender Experiment. Yeah, and and what it is, it's it's his story. He wrote the book The Untethered Soul. So excuse me, The Untethered Soul. It's a brilliant book, but surrender experiment is the store, is store is all of his stories of accomplishments and failures and and unexpected failures and some really bad things happening in his life. And it's recognizing that there was no bad things that happened in his life, they were just things that happened in his life, and when he let go of putting some sort of judgment around it and just surrendered to each experience, he was able to navigate each experience going forward with a lot more inner peace. And so I'm it's I've got a little proverb to share with you, but I'm gonna butcher it. Okay. Do your best. Is it it's okay? I'm gonna do my best. So, so this man goes to this farmer's home, and the farmer said is is just sees his beautiful stallion in his home, okay? Or or yeah, stallion. And he goes, Wow, what a beautiful stallion. And it turns out the farmer got it for free. And he goes, What good luck? And I'm butchering the story. And he goes, the farmer says, Good luck, bad luck, I don't know. So that that neighbor comes by a week later to go look at the stallion. The stallion's gone. And it was like, what happened? He goes, the farmer, what happened to the stallion? He goes, Oh, he jumped the fence and disappeared. And he goes, What bad luck? And the farmer says, Good luck, bad luck, I don't know. So the neighbor leaves, comes back the week later, and he sees he sees the stallion in the in the in the stable or in the in the pen, and there's four mares there. And he goes to the farmer and said, you know, what happened? He goes, Yeah, the stallion came back and and he brought back four mares. And the the neighbor goes, Wow, what good luck? And the farmer says, Good luck, bad luck, I don't know. So the neighbor leaves, and it turns out that the son of the farmer was trying to, what's it called, when tame the stallion? And he fell and broke his leg. And so the neighbor comes back the following week and says, You know, what happened to your son? He goes, Oh, he broke his leg, you know, trying to tame the stallion. He goes, What bad luck? And the guy goes, Good luck, bad luck, I don't know. I'm gonna put a punchline in in a second. The following week, the army comes to their village to take away all the young men. But his son had broken his leg. He couldn't have to, he didn't have to go to do military service. And the neighbor goes, What good luck? And he goes, Good luck, bad luck. I don't know. You see the point of the story? Yeah, yeah. It's all a matter of perspective. It's all how you look at it. And sometimes what could seem like bad luck could actually be a blessing in disguise. And so rather than putting a judgment around things that happen in our lives, good or bad, it's good luck, bad luck, I don't know.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and just being okay. And so the the reason why I even ask that is because I feel like the remedy is that inner harmony, that inner love for yourself to be okay with any anything that happens, right? You are you are okay with yourself, therefore, you don't necessarily need an outcome to go a certain way, right?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, you know, it's this is it almost requires ninja level skills to really understand this shit. And and I said to you earlier in this conversation, I'm still scratching the ant's belly, and I study this shit all day long. And to the guys listening, this, I'm I just want to say it can feel daunting, it feels overwhelming, just even hearing this conversation. I mean, it's just so much shit to unpack. You could spend days just unpacking some of the stuff we're talking about. But here's my invitation for everyone listening. Make an investment in yourself to grow beyond the material things in life, to really grow your emotional well-being. Like whatever that is for you. Maybe it's healing a childhood wound, maybe it's learning self-confidence and talking to girls, maybe it's taking on a new trade. And so you can increase your professional life, whatever it is. Always be working on yourself. Yeah. From from a from a I want to say from a virtuous point of view, not from a materialistic point of view. That's that's the trip up, you know, because look, I once lived in a multi-million dollar home and I I got I lost all my money in the market crash of 2008. I went through a divorce and lost my job. And I literally used to be a high income earner, lived in a$2 million home, and I had to move in with my mom and dad at age 40. And I know, and that was demoralizing. So I was at the, you know, I was in the bottom of the pit, so to speak. I live with more joy, more abundance, more peace, more happiness than ever before, even after I've looked at every single tragedy I have had in my life. And it's because I've done the work, and that's my invitation for everybody listening. So hopefully you pick up the book I recommended here. You know, you know, I know you will, Josh. Yeah. You're a you're a learner, even to those listening. And and just spend a even if minimum of 15 minutes a day, preferably an hour a day, working on yourself. And by the way, it can be fun too, just like you know, exercise. This can be a lot of fun.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it can be, and it is, right? It is fun to discover new ways of thinking, new perspectives on life, and talking to guys who are ahead of you, right? Talking to guys, like you said, hey, after midlife, right? And able to give me some perspective just through your experience, right? Exactly. Just through your experience. I know that's that's the biggest teacher. John, where can folks find you? Where can folks get in touch with you? I know you have a book as well, right? So we would love to learn how folks can can learn more about your journey.
SPEAKER_04:So, really simply, just take my name here, Jonathan Asley, cut and paste that, put it in Google. The first thing that will come up is my YouTube channel. I have I both talk to men and women on on my two platforms. I I do have one channel for men. Also, my website, you can go there. My book is on Amazon. It'll be well, and one of the first five things that will come up will be all this stuff, my social media page. And and my invitation for you, first off, I'm honored. I want you to know I'm just excited to want to be on your show. I'm really it's a privilege and honor to get to share. I love it when I see younger people like yourself wanting to grow and improve and stuff. So bravo to you and and to the guys listening. You know, surround yourself with people who really want to grow from a heart-centered place, not from the material place, from a heart-centered place. Because in the long run, I guarantee you that's going to bring you a lot more joy than the material things in life. And not to discount, hey, look at I love flying first class to everyone. You know, believe me, I get, you know, I get it. But but it comes from the heart.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, 100%. I mean, we want everybody, I mean, we all want those amazing things. It's coming from a place of abundance when we do reach for those things, right? And not from a place of need to kind of heal that emotional, wounded place that we have. And so, no, I I think you hit it right on the head. And like I said, I know for myself learning to be a little bit more lighter, have a little bit more fun when it comes to learning, to growing, and giving myself some more grace and compassion. So uh I appreciate you. I appreciate you at Tom.
SPEAKER_04:Likewise. Thanks, buddy.
SPEAKER_00:I love it.
