How to Handle Strong Emotions this Holiday Season: 3 Tips to De-Stress

This holiday season could be an especially emotional holiday to navigate due to the election. If you are in a family who has varying beliefs, remember to humanize your family this holiday season. There are going to be tough conversations around the table along with jabby comments here and there. How can you show up as your best self and not take the bait when Uncle Tom is throwing shade your way? In this episode I discuss actionable tips to get you through this holiday season with your mental health in tact.

In this episode we discuss:

-How being respectful and having open dialogue = having a growth mindset
-Tips for deactivating your nervous system in moments when you see red
-How to set intentions and how they are helpful for reducing holiday stress

Happy listening!

Until next time, be well and stay Mindful🌿

Kerri, the mindful athlete therapist 

Visit readysetmindful.com for FREE resources and appointments.

Transcript

 Hi, I am Kerri Bicskei, professional athlete, licensed therapist and mindset coach. I created ReadySet Mindful as an online mental health resource for athletes and high performers like you. And this is the ReadySet Mindful Podcast. 

Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the ReadySet mindful podcast. I'm your host Kerri Bicskei.  And it has been a minute since I have done a podcast, I taken a break. If you haven't noticed. Um, for, gosh, I don't even know how long I've lost track of time, but at least since my daughter rogue has been born, I've taken a break from all social media. And podcasting. 

So it has been a much needed break. Um, and I, yeah, it shows you how much I've been. I mean, I've been thinking about it, of course, but it's, it's just so nice that I can't even think back to when I stopped.  Kind of all blurs together. Um, but it's felt really refreshing to take a break from social media, not be on Instagram or Facebook. Um, Those are really the two. Only accounts only to social accounts that I really had. 

And then, um, weekly podcasting, obviously. So I've, I've missed that a lot, but I've really enjoyed, just. Being able to spend time and be present with my daughter and have full bandwidth for, you know, my clients and just, um, you know, taking care of myself and my baby at this time. So thank you guys so much for just being patient and hanging in there and hopefully you've gone through and listen to. Some guided meditations and other content that, um, you know, hopefully has been helpful to you. 

So I have, um, I will be back on. Social at this point. And, um, continuing with the podcasts and thought that this was really good timing to pick back up the podcast as we.  Walk into the holiday season.  Um, with Thanksgiving being this week and yeah, I just wanted to talk about some holiday stress and some tips to handle holiday stress this season, because I think this is such a. An emotional time for a lot of people, um, not to get into.  Too much politically. 

Right. But I think we can all decide. We know we can all agree that, um, there's lots of family dynamics, maybe friend dynamics, where. Um, people are divided in terms of their values and beliefs. And I've already encountered quite a few clients and just people in my day-to-day life. Who are considering not going home for Christmas. You know, cutting people out of their lives based on the way that they voted. Um, so just really messy. Uh, you know, really messy dynamics at this time. 

So no matter where you stand on the spectrum,  You know, it's really, really important to. Um, just be able to navigate some of this stress and some of these. Emotions that you're having and, um, to be able to reflect a little bit, cause I think it's the easy thing to do is to kind of just cut people out of your lives or just label and. And dismiss and distance, and sometimes that's needed for sure, with toxic, you know, people who are toxic in your life. 

And, um, we can kind of talk about that and, and, and. Another podcast, right? Um, cause a lot of people dismiss.  You know, The folks in their life as being toxic, just because they have a different opinion than you. And that is not, you know, it's not unhealthy, that's not toxic. That's living in the world that we live in and, um, being able to navigate when people disagree with you and that that's allowed and that's okay. 

And that's reality, that's what's going to happen. Um, so I've been really disheartened, you know, and coming across clients this, uh, you know, the last few weeks.  Um, since the election of St gosh, well now I can't go home to my family and you know, my, my family, you know, voted for Trump and, you know, whatever, and I believe this. 

And. And so for me, it's just getting super curious about like, okay, Um, what, what is at the, at the core of, of this raw, right? Like of this, um, of you being so upset and so frustrated. And does this person's one action. Uh, take away, you know, who they have been to you your whole life. Right. And can we. Uh, can we navigate. , our emotions so that we can share space with people.  Especially people who we love. 

Right. So, , I want to encourage you if that's going on in your family, like you, you know, you're not alone and your friend, group, whatever.   You're not alone and it's, it's, it's okay to have whatever feelings that you're feeling. , but it's also okay to.  You know, give yourself that time. And then we need to check back in and say, all right, let's this is now the reality that we're, that we're living in and I can handle. When, you know, tough things happen. 

And when people disagree with me and don't think the way that I do that's okay. Doesn't mean these people are, , you know, assholes or, or stupid, you know, the labeling is super not helpful. , 

It's not great to be dismissive and divisive in terms of like the labeling.  So go ahead and, and stop that if you're, if you're one that that is super dismissive of people.   So humanizing. Humanizing your family and humanizing your friends and, , understanding that people can think differently than you, , it's super healthy.  That's normal. So, if you were on the fence of maybe taking some distance from your family, this holiday season due to like politics,  just reconsider,   I can handle tough conversations. I can handle. Comments from family. I can take a big deep breath and.  No, that I'm okay. My nervous system is okay. I can get through this. Like I'm a, I'm a strong person. 

I think this holiday season for. You know, for folks to keep in mind that there are, you know, there's going to be heightened conversations, emotions are going to be high. And how are you handling yourself? How can you be the best version of yourself? Like when. Things come up that activate your nervous system that activate your, your worldview and your perception of, of how things are and how they should be. 

 What can you do in those moments too?  To calm, yourself down and to allow yourself to.  Respond in a way that's not ugly and respond in a way. That is mindful and caring and compassionate and respectful. That is huge. Like let's have tough conversations, but let's be respectful about how we have these conversations.  I can definitely speak from experience, I've had, , family members who have differing views than myself. And it's super frustrating to have a conversation with somebody who is just. Name calling and disrespectful and coming from that pedestal of, of I'm better than you. And you think this way and I'm therefore I'm better than you. It's elitist. 

It's rude. It's disrespectful. It's  very closed off. As a therapist, we're always encouraged to, ask open-ended questions,  and to have open-ended dialogue. And so name calling and.  Talking to someone in such a judgemental closed off way. Is the opposite of encouraging  an open dialogue. 

So I just encourage you,  to have those conversations and to humanize one another. This holiday season. , tips for handling some of that stress.  And deactivating your nervous system when it feels a little, a little, , revved up. Um, you know, bathroom, breath work. I always say this to clients and they laugh, but I think it's awesome. 

And I use it and I encourage people to use it sneaking off, to go to the bathroom. Um, you know, and just. Sitting like, you know, sitting, standing, looking in the mirror, maybe having your hand on one hand on your chest and one hand. Um, or one hand over your heart and one hand over your belly. And just maybe turning off the lights and just, you know, standing there and doing an inhale for four seconds and exhale for eight seconds. We know that when we exhale twice, as long as we inhale, right. 

We're sending that ultimate calming signal to our nervous system. So we're really just taking a little bit of a micro break and in the midst of maybe some chaos and some stress and. Um, you know, just allowing you to connect with your breasts and to calm yourself down on every level, physically. Emotionally. Mentally spiritually. 

Right. Just reconnecting just for those few breaths. And then exiting out of the bathroom and kind of.  Feeling a little bit of a reset, right? So the bathroom breath work can be super helpful. I would definitely encourage folks to do that. Um, when you're, you know, in the midst of all the family chaos, and there's an uncle who's pissing you off and your cousin is, you know,  Drinking and she shouldn't be drinking or, you know, whatever the family dynamics are. 

Um, there's stuff all across the board that can be stressful. So just sneaking away and doing your, you know, dipping out to do your bathroom. Breath work can be super helpful.  Um, another thing I think can be super helpful. As we just kind of navigate these days that are leading up to Thanksgiving and to Christmas, right. 

Just having a morning. Intention of, you know, How can I show up today and be the better version of myself? Like what's one. Practice and I'm going to do what's one. Um, one intention I'm going to have, that's going to just connect me to like who I want to show up as today. Right? Because oftentimes we just. Kind of move through our days. 

Um, You know, they can kind of blur together if we're not intentional and everyone has a tendency to do that. It's human nature. But.  How can you connect to each day? How can you be intentional each day? Right? Because each day is separate. They don't bleed. It may feel like they bleed. Uh, you know, one day bleeds into the next and the next and the next, and it's maybe Groundhog day for you. 

But. How are you disrupting that pattern? How are you setting that intention? So I think setting an intention for what, not just your to-do list of like what you want to get done that day. But what are you going to do? To make sure that you show up how you want to that day. For me, for example, like I know. Um,  You know, I just had a conversation actually with my husband and you know, about. I feel like I'm just so much more common, so much more present. When I, you know, do yoga or I do my stretches in the morning and I take that protected.  Time, even if it's me doing that on my own, just some stretches and some quiet time for like 20 minutes. Um, prior to anything else happening, like I know that that's time that I'm giving to myself. 

It's quiet time, especially like in the winter when it's cold and it's dark and you're doing something too.  You know, move the needle in terms of your mental, physical, Emotional wellbeing. Like that just feels good. Doesn't it just feel like your.  Just giving yourself that extra edge. Like, I just love that there's something about training and although, you know, to be fair. 

Yes. Just stretching and yoga or not. Getting me closer to my like marathon or triathlon goal. Well, you know, recovery is important for sure. But there's something about just training and doing, um, that physical activity and really connecting with yourself in the morning. That's just super special, like when it's cold and it's dark and. Um, or it's just dark. Uh, you know, there's, there's something really cool about, about that and just connecting with yourself at that time. 

So I would encourage you to just have that morning intention have that morning space that's just protected for, for you. Maybe it's just five minutes that you commit to doing.  And, you know, I think your days are going to go better when you have that intentionality, right. And your stress levels are naturally going to be decreased when you have that intentionality. So we have that as a tip. 

And then the third tip is something that you can do at the end of the day. Right. So during the holidays, like there's going to be.  You know, there's so much planning. There's lots of, um, there's lots of stress, financial stress gift-giving and all the bandwidth that goes into that. Um, and the financial stress that comes with that and family stress.  And all of that, like holidays can be beautiful. 

They can be super fun and awesome. And that's great. Um, but I just want to acknowledge that there. There's there's a few different layers of stress that can, that can also come with the, uh, the holidays and.  Urgency with, uh, you know, timelines figuring out your end of the year stuff with your, you know, with your job and work and all that kind of stuff. So there's a lot, a lot. 

That's there. So I think at the end of the day, kind of just taking stock. Um, maybe doing a quick little journal of, okay, what can I let go of today? Whether that's a work project, I'm just going to let it go for today. Um, maybe that's a conversation that you had with somebody. That's that's kind of, you know, knowing it, you. Or maybe it's an emotion that just feels super strong. 

You want to let go of that frustration or anger? Fear.  Or guilt or whatever it is. Um, you know, and maybe just say to yourself, like, even though.  You know, things may not be perfect. Things may not be wrapped up in a pretty bow. Um, at this point in the day, that's okay. I'm still a good person. Right. Sometimes we need to hear that because we have. Such an intense tie to. Our performance and what we get done and our value as a human being. 

Right. So we have to work really mindfully and diligently. Um, to keep that separate, like even though I didn't get all the shit done. Even though I'm not perfect. I am still enough. I am still a good person. I still have value. Right. So it sounds kind of silly sometimes. Um, for people to say out loud,  Or for you to hear something like that. Sure. 

Like, well, yeah, of course. I know I'm a good person. Like, even though I didn't get this work project done in time, or my boss is kind of pissed about this or, you know, whatever it is. But subconsciously we do tie our performance, you know, especially for my type a perform, you know, perfectionistic. Um, hard working high achieving clients that. That I work with. Um, we definitely tie our self worth into our performance. 

So being super mindful of that. So that's something that you can just reconnect with at the end of the day. Um, what can I let go of, and then that, that mantra. That reflective statement, even though I may not be perfect, I didn't get everything done. I'm still a good person. I still have value. So.  Those are some holiday stress tips that you can use. 

I want to hear from you guys, like, let me know if there's anything that you.  Employ that's helpful. Any other tips? I mean, there's a million out there, so I would love to hear. What your holiday tips are for handling that stress? Like how do you, how do you mitigate that? Like, do you go to your car and like a blast of, you know, a favorite song of yours and then you go back inside and. You know, you kind of feel a little bit of a reset or how is it that you, that you handle holiday stress? Uh, let me know. 

I would, I would love to, I would love to hear from you. So go ahead and follow, you know, make sure to follow the athlete. Uh, the mindful athlete therapist on Instagram. Um, go ahead and leave me a comment or a message, or would love to hear from you or go ahead and comment on this podcast. All right, everyone. 

I hope you have a lovely week and  I will see you on the next episode.

 Thanks so much for joining us on this episode of the ReadySet Mindful Podcast. With me, Kerri Bicskei, if you like what you hear, make sure to like, comment and subscribe to the podcast. You can also follow us on Facebook and Instagram or visit ReadySet mindful.com for free resources,  and other ways to work with me.

Until next time, be well. Stay mindful.