Maps, Mayhem, and Birthday Bash Blunders

In the podcast, staff members face several challenges when managing kids' birthday parties, including:
1. Behavioral Control: Keeping energetic children calm and engaged can be difficult, especially with varying levels of attention span and excitement.
2. Lack of Training: Many staff members may not have adequate experience or training in child management, making it harder to handle various situations effectively.
3. Overwhelming Environment: The chaotic nature of birthday parties, with noise and distractions, can add to the difficulty of maintaining order.
4. High Expectations: Parents and guests often expect a smooth, enjoyable experience, placing additional pressure on staff to deliver excellent service despite the challenges.
5. Diverse Needs: Each child may have different needs or temperaments, requiring staff to adapt their approaches on the fly.

These challenges highlight the importance of hiring individuals who are better suited for managing children in a party setting.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to Gotta Get Said. Here's your host, Matt Cuco. What's happening, guys, and welcome to another episode of Gotta Get Said on this Tuesday, March the 10th, 2026. How's everyone doing? We missed last week, a little bit of a hiccup. You know, I just had work, had to do some stand-up. No excuse, but um won't happen again. I'll be consistent on Tuesdays again for the foreseeable future, knock on wood. Um, has everyone been? Has has the two weeks been without me? What was I missed? I missed you guys. Hopefully you missed me. Hopefully you also missed me because I missed you guys. Winter's gone, Northeast. Winter has come and gone. I am looking at in Jersey, a high of 70 degrees, not a cloud in the sky. I drove through Sandy Hook this weekend with my son while he was napping because he naps in the car easier than at home. So I was driving through Sandy Hook and it was lively. It was booming. So many different activities, so many different people from different walks of life. Children, adults, tall, skinny, fat, white, black, brown, dogs, drones, toy airplanes, explorers, surfers, a lot of surfers out. I saw a lot of surfers out. But yeah, booming. It was nice. It was nice to see it. It was nice to see the world come back, the world to thaw out, if you will. Uh yeah, no, it was nice. Clocks went forward, spring forwards, fall back. I don't fucking know. But they did that. The clocks did what they did. So now it gets darker later. So that's fun. How fun is that, right? That's the best. That's really the best. Truly. Truly that's the best. I heard like rumblings throughout the years. They were gonna like get rid of daylight saving times. I don't know nothing about it. I don't know if that's political. I don't know if that stands for something other than what it is in a vacuum. If it doesn't, just from the outside looking in, I'm on board. Totally with on board with you guys getting rid of daylight savings time. Just leave it like this. Just leave it. Whatever the best way is, whatever the most ideal is, just leave it like that. Why switch it? You guys know the term. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Anywho, anywho, what do you guys want to talk about? I did stand-up last week. It was fun. Thanks for everyone who came out. Always a pleasure. Uh you know, it's funny. Uh, sorry about that. You know, it's funny. While we were doing the stand-up, I I thought of something. You know, I said it on the stand-up, I thought of it on the I was like, oh, I thought of this on the right here. And I'm sure most people thought that was a bit. Uh, but I actually did. I actually did think of that on the fly. So I wanted to, you know, it's cool. Stand listen, I actually really love stand-up, it's very challenging. I love um capsulizing my thoughts in a five-minute time. You know, that's that's that's the biggest challenge, if I'm being honest with you. Getting to point A to point B in five minutes while also being charming, funny, and you know, good at it. I'm not sure that has happened yet, but it is challenging and I do enjoy it. But I do love the podcast because on the podcast, I get to just be long-winded. I get to be my natural long-winded self. So, you know, the things I was touching on on the stand-up the other day, I was like, oh, I can't wait to talk about this on my podcast because I would like to get to further into detail about so. So, you know, I made a little joke about it's not even a joke, it's a God's honest truths. I guess I just tried to say it funny. But I made a joke about you know, us, I'm 36, us as valuing our parents' generation. And a lot of us don't. A lot of us actually take our parents' generation for granted, and like, you know, they're just this and they're just that, which is fine. Some of it is warranted for sure. But I was thinking the other day, like, they had it so much harder than us just on everyday life. And my example I used was these people had to use maps. And I know that sounds crazy to you guys, but like, have you opened a map? Like, have you bought a map, opened a map, looked at the I'm not talking like a globe, I'm talking like the map of Monmouth County, like the the bowels of where you live, like a true map, like ton, like uh like I'm getting from point A to point B map. It is intense, it is intimidating, it is a gift, it is a gift to know how to read that map and to get to point A to point B. These people, our parents, not that long ago, it's not that long ago where these people solely had to use the map to get to where they were going. And it literally fascinated me. The idea of it fascinated me. I'll be with my significant other with maps on a robot in my pocket, literally telling us exactly where to go, and we still have fights about it. We still have fights, no, no, left, right, no, he said 150. That was 200 feet. You passed it. Oh God, he's rerouting. No, you gotta turn around. You know, literally having fights about where to go when the answer is being spit out to us live and we're still fighting. Can you imagine if me and my significant other had to get to point A to point B using a map? There's just I I I I literally my heart breaks for these people. Like the intensity, like, and like you know, I'm gonna use a crazy example, but it's not even a crazy example because it's happened, it happened every single day and in 1975, it happened every single day in 1984. So, like, the example's gonna sound extreme, but when you really think about it, it's not extreme at all. It happened every day. People drive cross-country with their whole family, cross-country with their whole family solely using this map. No cell phones, no nothing, no internet, nothing to help them, just them and the map. And to me, that is just insane. The the camaraderie you have to have with your family during this time of traveling solely using a map is absolutely absurd to me. Can you imagine you and your partner driving down a highway and there's a fork in the road, and you're either going to Texas or you're going to Maine, and you're not really sure? You're like, babe, what are you babe in six six inches on this line left or right? And she she does it's not her fault. It's all it's all a guess. Uh left. You sure? Yeah. All right, let's do it. You better hope. You better hope. And the second that feeling of doubt comes into your mind with a decision making on this map journey. Now the whole rest of the trip is a guess. All it takes is one second guess in your head, and now the whole trip is a what if. The whole trip's a we hope, because now you could just be you could be stumble, you could be digging your own grave. Literally. And it got it was just insane. And you know, I was talking to my dad the one day, and I used to deliver pizza, and he was like, Yeah, I delivered pizza too. And he's like, We used to have to use the map to deliver pizza. These people, like, if it was bit you, I don't know if you guys ever been to a pizzeria, it gets very busy in certain places. You know, this guy could be doing 25 deliveries in in four hours. Can you imagine? And it's all speed based. Can you imagine having a speed look at this map to know where you're going, doing it 25 times with food in your trunk? I I literally I'm getting uneasy even talking about it, and it's just crazy to me. I just I had to expand on the map because the map really gets you. I remember vaguely, like I said, I'm 36. I was born in 89. I remember very, very vaguely in a young like maybe fourth, fifth, sixth grade, very vaguely being taught like how to use a map. Like I know there's certain things about a map. There's like the like I said, I don't know the I I'm I'm literally naive to this, so I apologize, but like, you know, the the like the the lingo, what means what I remember it very vaguely clearly. So like you know, I was on like the way out because like cell phones for me started in like ninth grade, eighth grade, seventh grade. Uh so I was on like the way out of the map world. I was more of like a map quest guy. I was more of like uh what was that thing called? The big like block used to plug into your your phone, your your lighter port in your car. I forgot the name. But I was big, I was a big map quest guy. I was a good I was a big printout map quest guy. But like right before my age, there was just a solely using the map guy, and to me, that is just fascinating. To me, our parents should be tipped hats for them because that is insane. And then it just got me to thinking, like, just a harder generation without internet, you guys are just smarter than us, and I know people listening to this, like, no, you can't tell them that. What are you saying? And I get it, I'm well aware, I know how this is reading, but like it's just a God's honest truth. Like, these people can write and read cursive. Like, what? Like, my grandmother used to write so elegantly in like this like sideways slanted cursive, and it just I and then I would look at the sheet and I'd be like, I have no idea what any of this is. I cannot read any of this, and like people read it, like read books. They could like oh look at that, look what he did there. Like, they're like literally reading cursive. I can't read cursive, and maybe that's like a shame on me thing, and you know, it could very well be, but the fact that you guys can like read and write cursive to me sh is something that should be applauded to me personally. That's something that should be applauded because that is pretty cool. That's pretty fucking cool. And I just feel like it gotta get said. Listen, I don't know if it's the funniest, but like I just felt like it's gotta get said. Like me and my lady fight while being told exactly where to go from a robot in my pocket, and we're still fighting. I cannot imagine going cross country with nothing but a piece of paper. Very, very fine print, you know, tricky to read. What happens if the map rips? You gotta go to a gas station, get another map, right? I like I guarantee I go to a gas station right now, there's no maps. Why would there be? It's outdated, I get it. But man, kudos to you guys. Kudos to that, those generations. Kudos, man, because it is something to be applauded, in my opinion. In my opinion, it is something to be applauded. To say the very least. To say the very least. Oh god, what else you guys want to talk about? I'm yawning. Oh, dude. I am yawning. What else is there to talk about? I'm trying to think. You know, I've been doing the stand-up, it's been going very well. But yeah, it's hard. It's hard to get everything you want to say across in five minutes. It's tough. This is the exact opposite. This I could say whatever I want. This I could say, you know, they're totally different. I and I truly love them both. Truly I do. But they are totally different. And they're there, they're I would argue they are the exact opposites, which is great. Which is great. You got a little bit of this with a little bit of that. So that's cool. That's cool. You know, I was thinking I was thinking of uh this one thing. I went to a birthday party for my son with a friend of his from um actually it wasn't a friend from school. I was gonna say that because that's normally what it is, but it was actually someone who lives where we live. Um and you know, it was a typical four-year-old birthday party, and just brutal. They're just so brutal. There's nothing good about them. They're just so like you know, each kid pretty much is bad. You know what I mean? Like they're four-year-olds, they have good moments. Some have really good, some are 75% good, and that's considered like a great kid, but like there's always like a switch where they turn on you, and every they turn the gun on you, and like it's uh now it's a hostage situation, and um there's no reasoning with them. Every kid, every single kid, I've seen it, every single kid, even the good ones. Um, so essentially you just get a group of 24-year-olds in a room, they are excited, there's pizza, there's cupcakes, there's events they want to be doing. Like it's it's literally impossible to maintain. And, you know, there's nothing what doesn't help this is when you know you go to these events, you go to like play places, you go to, you know, science labs, you go to jungle gyms, you go, you get my point, trampoline parks, you go to these places, and these people work there, and these people um are the host of the party. So their job, which is tough, not not discrediting their job, because I do it every day as a parent and I fail. So I'm well aware that it's very tough for these people that have these jobs, but you know, these people at these jobs for these four-year-old birthdays parties are meant to like rat, you know, hurt like what is it called? Um the cattle. What's that called? Whatever. You get my point. Get them all in line, you know, keep them all on the same page. Like I said, although challenging, but that's still your job. And listen, if you give it the old college try and you fail at it, I get it. We do that as parents every single day. We try our hardest and we fail. But a lot of these birthday parties I go to, they're like the the person who's supposed to be um reeling in the situation, the person that's supposed to be running the show, the person the person that's supposed to like have the attention of these 24-year-olds, 24-year-olds, are usually like a 15-year-old quiet person who doesn't care about their job, and it turns to utter chaos. So, like, my whole beef with the situation is listen, I'm well aware that it's a losing battle ultimately. I'm well aware that even good four-year-olds are bad. It just is what it is. That's just the way the world works, and that's okay. They're all gonna have their moments at some point throughout the day. I understand that, but can I at least please ask maybe, just maybe, you get someone in that position whose job is to deal with these children every single day and have a party experience with them and keep them on the same page in some capacity? Can I just request that you're a little outgoing? Can I just request that you command the room just a little bit? I'm not asking for an I had a dream speech. I'm truly not. I just need you to understand the the severity of the situation. And I feel like the last couple of parties I've been to, these people do not understand that. They're quiet, they're in the corner, the kids are running the asylum. That's it. The kids are running the asylum, and I can't have that. That's hard enough as it is. That's what I deal with at home. Now I have to deal with that 20 times. And now the parents are basically like running the party, which is totally fine, but we paid you$800 to run the party. You know, I could have ran the party in my living room and had chaos. I came here, so I didn't have to deal with chaos. And now I'm said running the show. So it's like, you know, it's a little frustrating. And that's pretty much what it was the other day. We ran the show, you know, it was like a science lab. You know, it sounded fun in theory, but the kids didn't really take to it. They were probably two years too young, if you wanted me to be a little honest. My son had to make slime, it was like real slimy, it was like sticking to his hands. It got in his hair a little bit. He's running to me. I need to wash my hands. And he's right. I'm trying not to touch them because quite frankly, they're sticking to me a little bit. Like the slime was that it was actually becoming like a thing. Like it was actually like health hazard sticky. So now I'm like running to the sink. The lady's like, you have to stab. I'm like, yeah, shut the fuck up. And so I'm like, you know, doing the sink and like washing his hands. He's like, It's in my hair. I'm like, it's not in your hair, buddy. And while I'm like scrubbing it casually, I'm like, ooh, who likes to play? The lady's like, you don't have a third. I'm like, shut the fuck up. Thanks a lot. I appreciate you. And like, it's chaos. It's chaos. There's slime everywhere. And where's the lady who's supposed to be running this slime? She's fucking watching TikTok in the corner because she's a 16-year-old girl who's shy, which is fine. This isn't meant to make fun of 16-year-old girls who are shy. This isn't that. Gotta get sense for everybody. This isn't that, but I don't need you in this role either if you are that. Is that fair? I'm not shy shaming. I just don't need you on the on the desk if you're shy. Fair? I think that's more than fair, right? And I just feel like they hire like how do you guys hire these people? And I get it. It's hard to find a job, it's hard to find good help. I I understand all of that. From the bottom of my heart, truly, I do, but I need you to try a little harder. I just need you to try a little harder. I need the person working there to just have a clue, just a little bit, because this party was chaos. That was the first event, making slime, which is fine. We made the slime, it was insane, but we made the slime. After slime, they took like a thing of sand out, and you had to like find the bones in the sand. Like, yeah, in theory, it sounds great, but the sand's everywhere. My son's taking the shovel, throwing the sand up, seeing he's LeBron pre-gaming the sand. He's LeBron pregaming the sand. The kids are laughing, they're also trying to mimic him now, and now it's just a sandstorm. You know what I mean? And like, listen, like what you know, like I said, I understand even the good kids are bad. So this isn't like a my kids this when your kids that thing at all. But the lady working there, I need you to, you know what I mean? It's not my party, these aren't my kids. So like I can't necessarily yell at them. And I'm not asking you to necessarily yell at them either, but if you want to necessarily yell at them, it sells a little better than me necessarily yelling at them. You know, that's all I ask. Can we get like an old strict lady who's retired to work in that field, who's a little nasty, but she keeps it, you know, she keeps an order. Like she's a little cranky, but she keeps it, she keeps everyone in line. I'm okay with that. I'm okay with a snippy old lady telling my son the in and outs of how to make the slime in a strict fashion. I'm okay with that. He needs a little structure, and quite frankly, most of them do. And like this is just structureless. And I'm not picking on this establishment, I'm not picking on this in particular party because it happens all the time. I went to Chuck E. Cheese party, it was chaos. The lady couldn't ring anyone in, everyone's running around. She's like, uh, everybody for Colin's party. Let's go. No one hears her. There's a zillion. I'm like, Colin's party, let's go, everybody. Line up. She's like, thank you. I'm like, yeah, no problem, shy 16-year-old. I have no problem with you. I, you know, I get your story. I I have like I under I empathize with you, but I don't need you running the Chuck E. Cheese show either, you know? And I'm not mad at you. I'm not. But I don't need you in this position. Go work at a fucking library. Go work at a go work at the fucking DMV part-time. Go work at a fucking ice cream store. Go work anywhere else other than where you have to round up a group of four-year-olds and keep them all on the same page for 40 minutes. Is that fair? I feel like that's more than fair. I feel like that's more than fair. That shouldn't be a big deal. But everywhere I go, it seems to be a big deal. And it just gets, I'm like, come on. Come on, man. Gotta get said. You know, on the way home, here's another thing that's gotta get said. On the way home from the party, the weather's been nice. I'm on my way home. My son sees a lemonade stand. He's like, oh dad, look, a lemonade stand. Let's get some lemonade. I'm like, you know what? I would love some lemonade. Like, you know, when's the last time you saw a lemonade stand? I was excited.

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Like, oh, this is great. I would love some lemonade. I'm ex I'm more excited than him. He just doesn't know it. I'm like, yeah, lemonade. Maybe they have strawberry. I'm curious. I hope. Maybe they do the fresh, you know. You never know. So I pull in. It's a little lemon steak curb side of a house. You know, they have the little stand set up. The cups are set up. Lemonade,$3. I'm like,$3. 2026. Inflation, you know, I ran. I get it. Not a problem. I don't know if tariffs, lemons, who knows? I don't know where the fuck you get lemons. Um so I pull up, whatever,$3. I'm like, uh, it's two adults. Two adults are running the lemons, lemonade stand outside of this house. So I'm like, um, you know, my son pulls up, they're like, hey little guy. I'm like, hey, I'm like, yeah, we love supporting. Where's yours? And they're like, where's our what? Where's your kids? And they're like, oh no, no, just us. And everything, everything I was loving about the lemonade stand pulling in, I now hated about the lemonade stand pulling in. Now it just got weird. Now I'm looking at it from an eye of an adult. Now I'm like, three dollars for an eight-ounce cup? Okay. Little, you know, when it was a kid, it was like, ooh, look at this little entrepreneur taking our money. Good for you. You know, supporting the cause. Now that an adult's doing it, now I'm being ripped off, you know, like, you know, let's double three, let's do$1.50. You know, fair. So now I'm looking at like I'm looking, I'm like looking at like where it's set up to the curb, and I'm like, you know, at first it was cute. But when you thought it was children, it was like, oh, look at this little stand. This is sturdy. Ooh, this is real wood. Now it's like, do you have a permit for this? I'm like, there's no way they have a permit for this. They should definitely have a permit. Now I'm like, huh. So we end up leaving, and I'm like, you know, everything good in my in my heart about this lemonade stand I now hated. Like, I was like, you know, look at these two creeps overcharging a lemonade stand, don't have a permit for setting up shop outside of their house. I I hated everything about it. I wanted to call the fucking Department of Health on these people. Like, how dare you not have a child? Lie to me. Say he's in the bathroom. Lie to me. You can't be an adult in 2026 and have a lemonade stand outside of your house. You can't do it. You can't do it. That's insane. Insane. And my son's like, oh wow, lemonade. I was like, yeah, lemonade. Lemonade. Fuck those two. I'd rather give Panera the money than give these two freaking creeps the money. Creeps? Creepoids. Can you imagine having a lemonade stand as an adult designed to look like a children's lemonade stand? It was designed, it wasn't like a fucking pop-up here. You know what I mean? It wasn't a freaking food truck stand. I know the difference. This is a homemade makeshift lemonade stand. John Q type shit. Are you John Q? Is your son does your son need a heart replacement? And that's why you're doing this? No? If not, it's creepy. That's the only way that this isn't creepy. If your son is a heart transplant, he's gonna die in three days, and you have zero dollars and you're doing a lemonade stand to keep trying to fight and call for your child's life. I understand I'll support that cause. That's it. There's no middle ground. It's either heart failure or creep. There's no middle ground with me with that. So which one is it? And I don't think it's that. I didn't see a Saint Jude bucket there. You know what I mean? And if there if there would have been one, I would have been more than happy to oblige, but there wasn't. So there's a fine line between creep and Saint Jude. Fine line. And you're walking it tightrope style. But yeah, that's it for me, guys. I love you guys. I will look forward to seeing you guys next week. Next week, what are we doing? March 19th, I have a stand up in Red Bank. March 25th, I have a stand up at the Stress Factory in New Brunswick. Be there or be square. I love the support. I appreciate everybody. And I will see you guys next Tuesday. Same time, same place. Until then, I'm out of here and I say peace.