Gotta Get Said.
We all are thinking it. I am just saying it, because sometimes let's face it. It Gotta Get Said.
Gotta Get Said.
How Much Would It Take ????? Stand Up Struggles .
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In this uproarious episode, we dive deep into the wild hypothetical scenario of how much money it would take for one to perform a seriously committed act on another man. Our comedic hosts playfully dissect this outrageous question, exploring the unexpected seriousness that comes with such a proposition and the hilarious realities of giving a genuine performance. But that's not all—amid the laughter, we also discuss the trials and tribulations of being a new stand-up comedian. From facing judgment to finding your voice, we share personal anecdotes and insights that will resonate with anyone in the comedy scene. Join us for a fun ride that balances outrageous scenarios and real-life challenges, proving that comedy can come from the most unexpected places!
Welcome to Gotta Get Said. Here's your host, Matt Cuco.
SPEAKER_01What's happening, guys, and welcome to another episode of Gotta Get Said on this Tuesday, April the 28th, 2026. How's everyone doing today? How's everyone's week been? Having a good week? Everyone happy, healthy, enjoying the nice weather wherever you are. We're pretty much, if you're in the United States, it's pretty much just like good weather. Pretty much wherever you are, right? I think that's more than fair to say. I think that's a fair assumption to have, right? That's a fair assumption we can do. Hopefully you're in good weather, and that's great. So yeah, guys, what do you want to talk about? What is there to discuss? What is there to discuss? You know, I was having Guy's Night last weekend. You know, it's nice. You don't always get to see everybody. Everyone has kids, work, significant others, life. And um, you know, we got together. It was a little guy's night, and you know, guys night gets a little weird. Guy's night, the conversations get a little murky on guy's night. It's not all strippers and cocaine. You know what I mean? It's a sometimes it gets a little murky, the conversation, and that's what happened last week at Guy's Night. Two of my friends got into a heated discussion. Some might even say a debate, talking about how much they would pay, well, how much they would get paid to receive a blowjob slash and or give a blowjob. Yeah. Two straight heterosexual males both have children, so this isn't that. Straight down the middle males talking about what it would cost for them to give them a blowjob to completion. That was a big uh point of contention during the conversation last week. To completion. Now look, we try to keep a clean show over here at Gotta Get Said. I think we can all agree on that. I don't like to talk about sex too much. I don't like to talk about, you know, I try not to curse that much, but it's just a funny conversation. So we gotta talk about it. So this week we'll call it Gotta Get Set X-rated, if you will. How much would it take for you, heterosexual males, to give a blowjob to completion? Now look, my friends were talking about it and they were throwing out crazy, you know, a billion. It would take me a billion dollars to do that. And look, if your number's a billion, your number's a billion. If your number is 20 million, your number's 20 million. If your number's a million, then your number's a million. I understand. I get it. And my friend was talking, and he was like, you know, the discussion was one of the friends giving the other friend a blowjob. To completion. They both decided that they would do it for$1.5 million. So essentially a million dollars cash tax free. That was their logic. A million dollars cash tax free to give a blowjob to your friend to completion. In front of the group of friends. You have to do it in front of people or else it doesn't exist. Okay, look. I get everyone listening to this right now probably is saying a number in their head. They're probably like, you know, I would do it for this amount, I would do it for this amount. I understand. I understand. But I'm the only one that like looked outside of the box. I paused for a second. I was like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Let's y'all just chill for a sec. And I'm not saying I don't have a number, and I'm not saying there isn't a number. All I am saying is, I feel like when people have these discussions, because we all feel all guys have this discussion. I feel like when this discussion is had, there's a couple of key factors that are missing. And one the one main key factor that I feel like everyone glosses over and no one talks about is if you're doing it to completion, if that's part of the agreement, listen, the beginning's gonna be funny, right? All your friends are gonna be I can't believe I'm doing this! You know, you slap it on your tongue.
SPEAKER_02Oh, look exactly in my mouth.
SPEAKER_03How gross is this? Oh my god, he's doing it. Look, look, his mouth's around his penis. Oh, look at that, he stuck his tongue out. Oh my god, this is insane.
SPEAKER_01Look, I get it. I get that the beginning is funny. I get that the introduction to the said bet hypothetically would get a lot of laughs. You know, it's a bonding thing. Oh, look how funny! I can't believe I'm witnessing this. I understand, and I know. I feel like when everyone talks about this scenario, they think the whole blowjob is going to be that.
SPEAKER_03Look at how he's doing it. Oh my god, he's doing it. Woo!
SPEAKER_01I think they think that that's gonna be the whole blowjob experience. And if you didn't put the fine print to completion, that could have been the whole blowjob experience. But the fact that you put to completion, there's a dark cloud above this conversation with your friends. There's a dark cloud that no one talks about above this conversation with your friends. I don't know who listens to this podcast. I would like to think that the males who have listened to this podcast, most of you, I would imagine, have received oral sex at one point and another in your entire life. I would imagine. Females, like I said, none of my business. But I would like to believe that most of you probably have given oral sex in your life. That's okay. Everyone knows the hard truth that no one brings up during this bet conversation. Let's be honest. The beginning of a blowjob's fun, right? You know, you lick you know, yeah, you know. It's fun, it's glamorous. You're like, ah, look at this, this is awesome. She's doing like funny little things, introductions, pleasantries. But there comes a time during that blowjob, if you want that person or yourself to complete, to f to to climax during this blowjob, it gets serious for a sec. And I don't mean to be graphic, gotta get said, and I'm gonna choose not to be too graphic. So I'm gonna speak in code, if you will, to try to avoid the graphicness as best as I can. But during a blowjob, there comes a time when it gets quiet, there comes a time when it gets serious, there comes a time when it gets intense and people need to concentrate on both ends of the blowjob. If you wanna finish, both of you at some point in the blowjob have to get dead serious and start to concentrate. You gotta put your head in somewhere that puts you in a spot. They gotta the blowjob giver has to, you know, they have to put themselves, they have to climb off that pedestal, and they have to get a little serious for a second. And that person receiving the blowjob has to, you know, close his or his eyes and you know, concentrate and you know, pay attention for a little bit. If you want this to work, at some point in the blowjob, every single one of us, it gets serious for a little bit. For this to truly work. No one talks about it. No one talks about it, but it all, we've all we all know it exists. It happens, it has to happen, or else the grand finale isn't gonna happen unless this crucial part in the middle happens. You gotta get serious for a second during blowjobs. I I don't know if a room full of friends is prepared to watch their two male straight heterosexual friends get serious for that eight to six minutes. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if a group of friends can turn around from that, you know? I don't know if a group of friends can turn around from that. And look, I'm not saying there's not a number. I'm not. I'm not being that guy. I wouldn't do it for a billion dollars. I would. I would do it for a billion dollars. So I'm not saying there's not a number. I'm not being one of those. But I'm just letting people know when you have these hypothetical conversations about this blowjob stuff, just keep in mind that there's a time during that bet where it's gonna get very uncomfortable for everyone in the room. It's gonna get very uncomfortable, it's gonna get very real, and it's gonna be right in your face for the people in the room during that hypothetical bet. And I just need you guys all to be prepared and to at least acknowledge that that happens during the bet because no one talks about it. When everyone talks about the hypothetical, would you blame a guy for a million dollars? Oh, 110% I would, absolutely, but he's gotta finish on your face. Oh no, of course, hey, a million bucks, let him finish. Okay, great, great. Here's your million dollars, and I'm not saying you're bad for having that number. That's great, but just know, just keep in the back of your mind that to get to get to that point of that fucking guy finishing on your face so you could get your million dollars before that time comes, you gotta give a serious blowjob for a couple of minutes. And are you prepared to give a serious blowjob for a couple of minutes? It's one thing to joke. It's one, oh my god, he licked it. Oh, but kidney's room. How funny is this? It's one thing to joke about the beginning of the bet. I'm not saying you can't put your mouth around a penis. I'm not saying that. But are you prepared to make that guy come? Are you prepared? Maybe you are, but I need you to know that that is a thing that has to happen during this bet, or else you're not gonna get this money. So for all the people that say fast things, like I do it for 10 grand, okay, great, great, you're funny. I get it. That's funny. I get it. And I'm not judging your number, I'm not judging that you would do it, and I'm not judging you for the number that you're doing it for a month. But I need you to know that at some point during that big joke, you're gonna have to give a fucking blowjob and get this guy to come. This guy's gonna have to freaking grab your head and thrust and it's gotta get intense for a sec. And listen, if you're prepared for that, you're prepared for that. Happy. Hey, take your million, good for you. But I don't know, man. I feel like not enough people talk about the real gritty the bones of giving a blowjob during these hypothetical bets. I feel like they glamorize the blowjob during the bet. And I don't, you know, I just don't know. I don't know if a group of friends is leaving that room after a true completion, looking at each other the same. Are you ready to still be friends with Tommy after you watched him get face fucked by your buddy Billy? Genuinely face fucked by your friend Billy. Tommy's never gonna be the same. He'll take his million dollars and he'll ride off into the sunset. But he's never gonna be the same. You can't bounce you cannot bounce back from a true face fuck. True. You can't hit they're never gonna be friends again. They can't survive their friendship. You think they're strong enough to survive that friendship?
SPEAKER_02I just face fucked you so much that I came.
SPEAKER_01It's a lot to bounce back from. And I'm not judging you. I'm not saying you're bad. I'm not saying I don't have a number. I understand that we all have a number. I get it. But just keep in mind when you do these hypothetical, fun little conversations that are never gonna happen, but you try to be adamant about it. I do it for five grand, brother. Lay it on the table right now, okay? Here's five grand. Go ahead. Suck his dick to completion. Get in there. You know, just keep that in mind.
SPEAKER_02Just keep that in mind. At some point, the blowjob's getting real. When all the smoke clears and all the laughing stops.
SPEAKER_01It's just gonna be six friends in a room. Four of his friends horrified, watching two of his friends go to work. Get that money.
SPEAKER_02Are you ready? Are you ready to bounce back from that? Are you ready to watch Timmy? Billy? Truly? No more jokes. Billy's gotta come. I don't know. I don't know, man. All I'm saying is, you know.
SPEAKER_01Have a little more weight when you give your answer to the blowjob stuff. That's all I'm saying. That's all I'm saying. I feel like the conversation gets glossed over very quickly. Give me 50 grand, it's done. Okay, no, no problem. Here's your$50,000. Not a problem. But now, you know, now you gotta like really, you know, you gotta really give a blowjob, dude. This guy's gotta come. Like, you gotta Good luck. You gotta you know, cup. I'm sure, you know, I get it. But are you ready? I don't know. And I just feel like, you know, I feel like during Guy's night, the conversation just got a little, you know, it was a little too friendly, the conversation. Too many people were jumping on board. Very matter of fact. The numbers got a little low too. I'm not gonna say the the figures, but the numbers got a little low, if I'm being honest with you. The numbers were a little alarming. A little low. Like, shit, I could I could give you that right now. That wouldn't even really affect me. Like, you sure? We can actually make this happen right now. These numbers, these figures aren't unobtainable. Got a little got a little sketchy on guy's night.
SPEAKER_00But whatever. What the fuck do I know, right? Whatever.
SPEAKER_01But I always tell people, you know, just you know. It just got me thinking. It just got me thinking. But yeah, that was it. You know, whatever, you know, gotta get said. It's not it's not all bells and whistles. What else you guys want to talk about? I don't know. I'm doing stand-up again on Thursday. Whatever, right? Stand-up's cool. I love stand-up. I really do. I love stand-up. Do I it might you know it's hard? It's it's not that it is hard in general, but it's just hard to get like a consistent groove, you know? I've got a life, I got a kid, I got the lady, I got a job. It's hard to just be like, all right, getting up Monday night, going to fucking Barnes and Nobles to do a fucking open mic, you know? It's it's hey man, yep, good luck with the kids. I'm going to fucking five guys. They do an open mic at the back. It's hard. It's hard to sell. It's hard to sell. It's hard to sell it to the lady. Hey, look, I know you're at work all day, and we have two kids, and they're both super insane. But can I go to this thing during the heart of watching our children so I can go, you know, shoot my shot on a dream that there's probably a five percent chance five's a little high. I might be being a little, I might be a little cocky with five, but a f I'll say five for my own ego, but a five percent chance that it's gonna quote unquote work. And I don't even know what work means. What's at the light of the end of the tunnel? You know, what is it? Is it Dave Chappelle Netflix series? I would imagine that percentage is less than one. What is it? Is it is it a show at a venue that I would go to on a Wednesday when the guy probably made a hundred bucks? Is that the end goal? Maybe, you know, maybe 10%, maybe a 15% chance of that. Maybe I don't know. My point is, is the lemon worth to squeeze to sell it to your significant other? It's hard. It's hard. They have to solely want to please you and let you live out your dream. Because is there a return on the investment of letting me leave while you watch the kids on a Tuesday night? I don't probably not, you know, probably not. So I understand. I understand that it's a tough sell. I get it. It's a tough sale. It is. I understand. I'm not naive to that. It's a tough one. I appreciate it greatly, but it is a tough sale. I understand. And then you get there, you know, it's very, it's hard. Comedy is tricky. It's uh I'm learning because I'm new. It's very uh everyone, you know, everyone's nice, whatever. I can't say anyone's not nice. Whether their intentions are true, that's a whole other conversation. That's something I can't prove, and I'm not even gonna pretend to even go down that road and assume and try to be a mind reader for that person. They come off nice. Everyone seems very friendly, everyone's very nice. So, you know, I can't negatively say anything in that sense. I can't. I can't complain about the comedians that I've seen, quote unquote, on the road on mics. I can't. At mics, I cannot. You know, whether they're quiet or not is another thing. But no one's been quote unquote mean at all. So, you know, there's nothing I can say on that front. Everything on that level has been, you know, very well received, right? It's just like, I don't know, there's no like handbook. I'm a big, like, I like structure. Like, I wish there was a handbook on like how to be a comedian, right? There's like an application process, everything's kind of like word of mouth, go with the flow. Like, I watch these people on mid like tiered shows, and I'm like, how did you get there? And I know the real answer. I'm pretty sure the real answer is you do a lot of open mics, and people in the crowd see you, and oh, I'm doing this, you should do that. This is this, this is this person. I get it, but like I'm very structured, like there's not an application process for that, like, obviously not, and I get it. That was like a joke, I understand, but I really wish there was an application process, you know? I really wish there was like tryouts, it would make my life a lot easier. Because I'm not saying I'm gonna make the tryout, even if I don't make the T. At least I know where to go to try out to make the team, you know? It's a little easier. Because like right now, it's very just like, yeah, man, yeah, we'll figure it out, you know. We'll figure it out, man. When you're ready, you'll know. They'll you'll know. And you're just like, I don't, I don't know if I'll know. I need a, you know, is there a phone number? Is there a customer service line? Yeah, you'll know. So, you know, that's been a little, I don't even want to use the word frustrating because I'm not frustrated. I'm really not. But I can see that becoming frustrating down the road for me, you know? I can see that becoming like a quote unquote thorn in my side. I was gonna quote unquote issue, but um, it didn't really fit, if I'm being honest. So yeah, I'll use thorn on my side instead of issue. But yeah, I can see that being annoying in the future. Right now, it's not really annoying because I'm I'm not really shit right now, and I don't really do much. So it doesn't annoy me yet, but I would imagine when I feel like I'm like, okay, I'm ready, you know, like I'm funny, I'm good, I'm getting laughs, I'm ready. And then like I don't necessarily have an outlet to like tear up per se. I have to wait on like I don't know, something to happen randomly. I can see that getting a little frustrating, you know? But I would much rather an application and tryout process, very structured, you know. I would, I would, uh, I would appreciate that, but that doesn't seem to be the norm. So we'll see. We'll see. It's been fun otherwise, though. I don't really do a ton of shows yet. I wish I did, but then you know, it's hard to sell the significance. Not saying she doesn't. This isn't an indictment on her, but I'm well aware it's a tough sale. I'm well aware. Like, yo, Wednesday night, yo, could I go to like you know, it's tough. Like, sure, I guess. Now I'm stuck with both kids, and you're doing an open mic in front of three people. Like, and I get it. I get it. It doesn't read right, you know? It doesn't read well, you know, it doesn't look good on paper. I'm well aware. That's why I try to be a little polite. I try, but like I wish, I wish, I wish. I wish I did this 10 years ago and I could go six days a week, but that's not the world we live in right now. So we'll see. You know, just to give you guys a comedy update. I do love it. It is fun. I do enjoy it. There are some hurdles that we'll see, you know, we'll see. Time will tell. But um as of right now, I'm still very What's the word? Wet behind the ears? Is that the word? Is it wet behind the ears? Is that what they call it? And is it be called wet behind the ears? Because like when you come out of like a litter of puppies, they lick your ear. The mother licks the dog's ears, or am I crazy? Am I crazy? Let's look it up. If not for nothing. If I'm actually correct, first of all, I don't even know if it's called wet behind the ears. Let's all call spade a spade. But if I'm actually correct, and it's a called wet behind the ears, and b, that's why it's called that. Good for me. It is called wet behind the ears. Wet behind the ears meeting. Wet behind the ears describes someone as young and naive, blah blah blah. It's just a person who's new and said, Yep, I knew all that, okay. Personal knowledge. It's frequently used as wet behind the ears to emphasize someone's far too, okay. Yeah, but like I get it, but I don't even know how to write that. Wet behind the ears. Is there a word implies? Like, what do I write? Like, where do they come from? Born yesterday.
SPEAKER_00Went behind the ears. Origin Newborn Yeah, wow, it's right.
SPEAKER_01Was I right? Originally in the mid-19th century, as a reference to a newborn animal, which I had a feeling. You know, calves or colts. I was thinking puppy, but whatever. That are still wet with anomic fluid behind their ears shortly after birth. We're probably you know, I'm probably right. Where I was going with what they lick it be they lick them behind the ears because of the fluid, I would imagine. They're trying to lick off the fluid behind the ears. That's where I was. The the real definition is the fluid part. I'll be honest, I didn't necessarily go with the fluid part, but yeah, whatever. I'm calling it, I'm saying I'm correct on that. I'm giving it to me. Tygo's to me, it's my show. Fuck it. Fuck it. I'm comfortable giving me that. But yeah, so I'm still wet behind the ear. So, like, whatever. We'll figure it out, right? We'll figure it out. We will figure it out one way or another. But alright, everybody, I think that's it for me. I guess that's it for old dub swag. Um, yeah, that's it for me. I got nothing really else to talk about. I will see you guys next week. Uh, same time, same place. I will be there on Tuesday. I'm ready to go. I'm off from work on Tuesday, so I am ready to go. And yeah, I'll see you guys Tuesday. Have a great week. Enjoy the weather. Mother's Day is coming up, but we'll have an episode before that. That should be fun. Maybe we'll do a little Mother's Day episode. Every day's Mother's Day, really, but maybe we'll do a little Mother's Day episode. But yeah, enjoy the week. I will see you next Tuesday. Until then, I am out of there, and I say peace.