Waiting for Ice Cream: A Comedy of Errors"

on this hilarious episode, we dive into the absurdity of waiting in long lines for ice cream, exploring the lengths people will go for a frozen treat. Our host shares funny anecdotes and relatable observations about the ice cream craze, questioning why we endure such waits for a simple scoop of joy. 

We also tackle the irony of dieting in the modern world, discussing the peculiar choices people make, like opting for low-sodium ketchup and light ranch dressing. Is it really worth it, or are we just complicating our relationship with food? With plenty of laughs and a dose of reality, this episode serves up a delightful blend of comedy and commentary on our food habits and the quirks of our society.

Join us for a fun ride that will leave you chuckling about both the lines we wait in and the diets we navigate!

​

Feel free to adjust any part to better fit your style or specific content!

Transcript

0:01

Welcome to Gotta Get Said. Here's your host, Matt Cuco. What's happening, guys, and welcome to another episode of Gotta Get Said on this Tuesday, June the 2nd, 2026. How's everyone doing today? Happy June, everyone. Happy June. We're here. We're getting closer. We're getting closer. Weather is becoming more apparent. That is amazing outside. Up here in the northeast, we got a week of no rain, sunshine, fun things. Fun, fun things. Very, very exciting about this. Very excited about this. How's everyone been? How's everyone's week been? What goes on in June? What do we got in June? We got Father's Day coming up in June. I think that's June 21st, I think. Yeah, June 21st sounds about right. In the Father's Day situation. Not positive about that. Not really sure what we're all doing for Father's Day. Shout out to the fathers out there because it's coming. Our day's coming. So that's fun. So that's fun. What do you guys want to talk about this week? What should we get into this week? What should we discuss this week? What can we speak about? I will say this. I'm obviously a very big person. You guys that know me personally already know that. If you don't know me personally, I'm assuming you see my video clips because I would imagine you're a quote-unquote fan. So you get the gist. It's no secret that I'm a heavy set human being, a heavy set male. That's no secret at all. And I don't pretend it. I don't pretend that that isn't the case. I'm not naive. I'm not delusional. I know exactly what I am. I also pride myself on what I just said. Not being naive, not being delusional. I'm well aware that I need to diet. I'm well aware that I need to take better care of myself. I'm well aware that if I don't, something bad will happen in the next 10 to 15 years. It's just math. It's and I know people listening to this that know me very well are like, oh my God, don't say that. But it's just true. It just is what it is. I'd be naive to think I'm special and it's not going to apply to me. I get it. I know that I have to make life changes. I do. I know. And I know dieting is important. I've done it before. We all have done it before. Everyone in this journey has said everything I just said, or at least thought it in their head. I get it. My biggest problem though is this. If you're gonna diet, diet. Go all in and diet. And I know people listening to this right now say, no, no, you can't do that. You have to make it a lifestyle, or you're gonna resent it and you're gonna relapse and you're gonna come back bigger than better than ever. 110% true. You are 110% correct. My point is this though. For people that pass a certain threshold and weight and it's a true problem in your life, exhibit A, that whole lifestyle thing isn't realistic because it's just not gonna take. Like, I'm not gonna change my life and start eating kale chips instead of Doritos because it's the healthy choice to make. I know that's what you're supposed to do. And I and would love to do that. I would love to be able to just turn it off and become a new healthy being. I get it. I understand it, but it's not realistic. People in my position aren't gonna flick that white switch on and make life changes and live happily ever after. Because if that was the case, it would have happened years ago for all of us. I'm speaking on behalf of everyone fat right now, by the way. So when I say things like all of us and us and we, I'm speaking on behalf of us, the fat community. And I know that sounds funny and it's a comedy thing. Fat community, I get it, but I actually don't even mean to be funny. I really don't. Not getting super serious, but I don't mean I don't, I'm not saying fat community to be funny. Maybe fat isn't the perfect word. It probably isn't, and 110% isn't the perfect word to use. I could use other words that are more sensitive and stuff like that, but whatever. We're gonna say fat community just for this podcast. I'm speaking on behalf of us right now. If we could turn it off and just start making healthy choices, we 110% would have turned it off and start making healthy choices. Oh no, I'll take a big bag of broccoli as opposed to a big bag of fucking, you know, input anything you want there. You know what I'm my point is. My point to this is this if you're gonna diet, diet. Go all in, diet. Because even if you diet for six months and lose 60 to 100 pounds in that six months, and then you quote unquote relapse, hey, listen, at least you lost 60 to 100 pounds. You know what I mean? And then when you start hopefully, the hope is when you do relapse and you start to gain it back, you catch it. Maybe you gain 30 of the 80 back, you catch it, and then you start again, and then it goes, goes, goes. To make complete lifestyle changes is absolutely insane. It's very hard to do when you have a true disease because that's what it is. When you have a true disease and you're real deal fat, making life choice changes is impossible. You have to all in diet, at least for a little bit, to kickstart your brain that this is happening. You're not gonna wake up one day and make healthy choices, you're just not gonna do it. Maybe other people will do it, but the real deal people, the people I'm speaking on behalf of, aren't gonna make it, aren't gonna do it because if we could have, we would have. We're not naive, we know that we should, we know that we need to, we know that it's diet or die, we're not naive, but it's easier said than done clearly. The point of this all is this. I know people in my life that make choices, and I just want to say this. If you're gonna diet, diet, don't stupid diet. There's nothing worse than a stupid diet. And I'm gonna use examples like this ranch light, sodium reduced marinara sauce. You know, mayo light. Let me tell you something. There's absolutely nothing worse than when I'm not dieting, and I open my fridge to fucking make a mayonnaise sandwich because I'm not dieting, and I take it out and it's mayo light, it infuriates me. Ranch dressing light? Listen, listen, if you're gonna diet, diet. No mayo, no ranch. I don't need ranch light. I don't need my jar of marinara sauce low sodium because it's all bullshit. You're still not dieting, and now you're just fucking robbing your taste buds of the the perks, the few perks there is about not dieting is being able to eat great food and not give a fuck in your mind. You've robbed that for me because me eating ranch light isn't gonna make me lose weight. Me eating low sodium Heinz ketchup isn't gonna make me lose weight. I either gotta cut that all out or do it all for real. The fact that I'm not dieting and I want to take ranch dressing out to put it on my fucking cold pizza at nine in the morning and maybe even mix with ketchup, depending on how fat you are, that's either sounds gross or that sounds amazing. Teach yourself. If I take out my ranch dressing and I pour it on my pizza at six in the morning because I'm not dining, and I bite into it, and I immediately and then I look at the fucking jar can. I don't even know what he would call that. Jar? It's not a jar, it's not a can. What is that? What do you whatever? And I look at the ranch and it says rank hidden valley ranch, and then in parentheses, light. You just ruined my fucking day, Chief. Congratulations. You just ruined my fucking day. Low sodium ketchup. You're either eating ketchup or you're not eating ketchup. Okay? You're either doing it or you're not doing it. You're either eating it or you're not eating it. Low sodium marinara sauce. Come on. Come on. It's a fucking jar of sauce. You're either in this shit or you're not in this shit. When I'm super dieting and I'm locked in and I'm losing 30 pounds a month, I assure you, I am not eating ranch, I am not eating ketchup, and I am not eating marinara sauce out of a fucking jar. I'm eating grilled chicken, I'm eating rice, and I'm eating veggies, and that's it. Because that's the way we have to do it. Shock the system. And my point is this. I know after that rant, there's holes in that rant that people listening to this are gonna poke at. And I understand. And you're gonna say things like, hey, look, no, low sodium, this ketchup, you know, ranch light, those are for people that are making life choices. Those are for the people that are making healthy decisions. You are a thousand percent right. Those people that don't have the disease and want to make healthy choices in their lives, that stuff's perfect for them. That stuff is absolutely perfect for them. But when you're obese and you have the gene and you have the disease, that shit means nothing. The low sodium ranch isn't for fat people dieting. The low sodium ketchup isn't for fat people dieting. It's just not, it's not gonna make or break us. We have to either go all in or not go all in. If you want to eat low sodium because you're a healthy person and that's your lifestyle, I'm gonna treat myself to a little ranch on the salad this time. Low, you know, ranch light. Like, of course, obviously, complete your respect, completely understand, completely am on board with what you're saying. Of course, but that's not me, that's not for me. So when I open, and I'm not even dieting. So when I open my French and I see ranch light, when I'm trying to dip it in my pizza at six in the morning, cold, I'm not thrilled. I'm not thrilled. To say the least, I am not thrilled. So let's get on board with that, please. Can we all just get on board and call a spade a spade? If you're not fat and you live a healthy lifestyle and you buy those little quote unquote treats, those little condiments, those little low sodium chocolate, like I get it. I totally understand it. I'm not naive, I'm not a monster, I understand it. But if you're fat, don't buy those things. You either buy none of them or you buy them all. There's no middle. Sorry. There's no middle. As a true fat person, I'm sorry. And the people listening to this are like, no, no, you're wrong. I don't care what you say, I'm a true fat person. I live this shit for real. If you disagree with what I'm saying, then you're not as true as me, which is fine. Which is fine. God bless. You it's not a good place to be where I'm at. So please, don't don't lump in. Don't lump in with me if you don't agree. But for those that know, no. For those that know, no. And I just feel like it's gotta get said. If you're gonna die, diet. If you're not gonna die, don't fucking diet. Don't cut corners with good shit. You know? Don't cut quarters with good shit. You know? Turkey, you know, turkey bacon shit. I'm good. It's bacon or bacon. Don't eat your fucking turn. If you're dining, fuck your turkey bacon. And I love turkey bacon, turkey bacon for the record. But you get my point. If you don't get my point, you don't get my point. That's totally fine. If you don't get my point, you don't get my point. I understand. We'll agree to disagree. And honestly, most people, unless you're a fat piece of shit, you're gonna disagree with what I just said. It's just a God's honest truth. So if you do, if you disagree, then great, you disagree. So be it. To each your zone. But for those the real, the real, real that know exactly what I'm referring to, that live that life, you know. You get it. You get it. Obviously you get it. Of course you get it. Because I'm not speaking out of school. You know? I know what I'm saying. I know what I'm saying. What else do you guys want to discuss? Now that I got that off my chest. You know, I live in a town, near a town, and there's a new ice cream place in this town. Shout out to Scoops in Red Bank, New Jersey, right? New ice cream place. It looks great. Looks amazing. I see the Instagram. The stuff looks amazing. It looks really good. This isn't an indictment on the place Scoops at all. This isn't an indictment on my take on ice cream kind of being similar everywhere you go. This isn't even that take. I know people get up in arms when I say things like that. This has nothing to do with that. To each your zone. If you think Scoops is the best ice cream place around, so be it. God bless. My beef is this though. There have been many of times where I've driven past this ice cream place, and there has been a line around the block. And I know people say a line around the block all the time, and it's usually embellished and a little bit, you know. I get it. I understand that the term gets overused a little bit. It's kind of like I love you, you know? It gets abused a little bit. I get it. But in this particular time, when I tell you a line around the block, I quite literally mean a line around the block. I quite literally mean that the last person in that line that I've seen with my own eyes. This isn't like, oh, I heard this, I heard I've seen this with my own eyes. Where the last person in that line, truly, no exaggeration, has to be about an hour and a half wait until they get up into their ice cream. Has to be. And my point is this if you've listened this far, you've just heard me rant about being fat and getting mad about low sodium products. So obviously, you can put two and two together and know that I love my ice cream. I take ice cream very seriously. I'm not gonna shy away from a Sunday, you know? I'm gonna maybe add that extra top game. I like Hot Fudge just as much as the rest of them. I would argue maybe more. Probably there's a probably a good chance that I like Hot Fudge more than you. And yet, the idea of waiting in a line on a Wednesday night in Red Bank, New Jersey over an hour and a half to get this ice cream is absolutely absurd to me. It gets to the point when I want, I truly want to pull over and I want to just speak to the person on the end of the line, just to get their opinion, just to get their take on this situation, just to pick their brain, just to get in their headspace and see where they're at. You know what I mean? They must be so comfortable in their life that they're willing to just stand on this line to get said ice cream. It's insane to me. Literally camping out to get ice cream. I can't imagine. Can you imagine not being busy being so free in your day that you can pencil out an hour and a half to wait in line for fucking ice cream? I wouldn't wait in line an hour and a half for anything. And I mean that. Anything. Anything I wouldn't wait an hour and a half for. Ice cream? And mine I had. I'm not even exaggerating. I know people hear this and they think, oh, you know, he's telling the story. I get it. And sometimes you are correct. This time you're not. I'm being 110% truthful with you. I've driven, driven, driven, driven, I've driven past, I've driven past, who knows? My car moved past this establishment during weather, during rain, and the line was still around the block. These people are waiting in line for this stuff over an hour in the rain on a Wednesday night. I can never be that person. And I don't judge you. I really don't judge you. I just I drive past and I'm just like, man, can you imagine being so free in your day that you can wait in line par uh what's the what's the what's the rule? How long do you wait for ice cream? Truly. What's the limit? In my head, the line limit for ice cream, and I'll be fair. 15 minutes, and even that's insane. My line isn't 15 minutes, but I'll play ball and I'll give a fair line. Waiting in line 15 minutes for ice cream, anything past 15 is absolutely criminal. An hour plus that's insane. That's insane. And this is coming from a fat person 20 minutes ago who just complained to the world about how I hate ranch light. So like this isn't a me hating ice cream thing. In fact, it's the exact opposite. But waiting in line over an hour for fucking ice cream is absurd. I don't give a fuck what they're selling. That's crazy. That is insane. So I'm sorry. Anything past 15 minutes, man. Anything past 15 minutes, we'll agree to disagree. And I've seen it, man. I've seen it. It's all the same shit. Come on. Nicholas has good ice cream. Sundays has good ice cream. Ralph's right house, Poland Bear. Listen, come on. Oh, but they make fun shakes. They all make fun shakes. They all make fun shakes. Did you see the the straw is this? I they all do that shit, man. It's all the same shit. It's like hibachi. It's the same shit. They all do the volcano with the onion. They all sucky. They all do the fucking the piss coming out of the little thing. You're like, uh they all do it. It's the same show. It's the same show. Waiting in line an hour and a half for this ice cream cone is insane. I'm sorry. It's insane. And it's gotta get said. I'm sorry. I hate to say it. I hate to say it. But it's gotta get said. And it also brings me to my last point, my final point as we're rounding third. Listen, I'm well aware that we're American. I'm well aware that it is our right, our freedom. Memorial J just passed. People have honorable men for hundreds of years have died to defend what I'm about to complain about right now. I am 110% well aware. But protesting like on a random street in your town with like four other people. You know, if you want to protest and there's a thousand people and you guys are marching, and you're it's the helicopters are filming it, and like it's like, wow, this is really making great, great, that's your right. I'm not judging protesting, that's not what I'm Here to do. But like three people holding a sign. Like my example is I literally drove past the movie theater yesterday. Literally, there's four people holding a sign on the highway saying, like, I don't know, like something about power and shit. I don't fucking I don't even know. And my point is, like, you know, imagine being, you know, I didn't imagine being so free in your day that you can wait in line for an ice cream cone an hour and a half. Imagine being so free in your day that you can make a sign, fucking put it in your car on a Wednesday night, park in this movie theater parking lot with three other people and fucking hold a sign up on the side of the highway for two hours. Imagine, imagine being that free. Imagine being that free that you can do something so fucking meaningless. So meaningless. And I know people listen to this like, no, it's our right to protest. 110% you are right. But go pro if you're gonna protest, go fucking protest, man. You know what I mean? Have the cops there, like have the fucking barricades up. Do it for real. Three people? Come on. Three people on a Wednesday? Come on. What are you really accomplishing? What and forget your right, forget like, no, no, you can't tell me what to do. You're 100% right. But I just want to pull over and be like, what do you what do you think this is accomplishing? Truly. What do you think you and two other people on the side of this road holding the sign up are accomplishing? I'm I'm honestly just asking. I'm literally asking. What do you think? Do you think your time can be better spent fighting the fight, whatever the fight is that you want, that you're protesting? You don't think you can have more, you know, input, better attributes to yourself to get involved in this situation better than standing on a Wednesday night with two other people on the side of the highway holding the sign up? You don't think that your skills, there's a word, I just don't know it. We do this shit live. I don't even know. But you know, you don't think it could be better? Your skills, your your resources, I guess resources is the word. You don't think your resources that and obviously you're truly passionate about this, uh, whatever this is, you're obviously passionate about, you're on the side of the road with two other people. You don't think your passion and your resources and your willpower and your will, your care for this, you don't think it could be better suited somewhere else to actually get change? You think that what you're doing is actually accomplishing things? Great. If you do great, whatever. But like, man, protesters with under five people is insane. Come on, protesters under five people. Protest. This isn't me political at all. Protest. Everyone should have that right. Please protest, please, please, please, please, please. If you want to protest, go protest. But like, protest with like a scheduled event, man. Go protest a scheduled event. Protesting on a Wednesday, a pop-up protest with three other people. Come on. That's a waste of your time. That's a waste of your time. I don't care. I get a kick driving past you people. I get a kick of it. But like, for your own sake, come on. You can't think of something better? I don't know. Maybe we'll agree to disagree forever. But whatever, that's my take, guys. I'm out of here. I will see you guys same time, same place next week. And until then, I say peace.