Gotta Get Said.

1. Big Boom Energy: Fireworks Fiascos with Kids & DoorDash Nightmares

• Matthew Cuocco • Season 2

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0:00 | 58:50

What a chaotic, hilarious episode this week — straight from the dining room studio with the crew. We kicked things off talking Fourth of July with the kids: how fireworks are supposed to be magical but end up being a total nightmare when you’ve got little ones who hate the noise. The meltdowns, the hiding under blankets, the “never again” vows… classic parenting in the trenches. If you’ve got toddlers or young kids, you felt this one.

Then we dove into wild DoorDash delivery driver stories — the crazy customers, the ridiculous orders, the sketchy drop-offs, and all the absurd shit that happens when you’re out there hustling. Non-stop laughs and “I can’t believe that happened” moments. If you’ve ever gigged it or just wondered what really goes on behind those deliveries, this segment delivered.

We touched on the World Cup in America — vibes, matches, the energy of it being here, and some quick hot takes on the tournament so far.

And we wrapped with another fire Dr. Ivo’s Dose featuring Dr. Michael Iovacchini (and his nurse better half) — current events, medical perspective, and sharp hot takes to keep it real.

Raw, relatable dad humor with the unfiltered bro energy as always. Parenting wins/losses, hustle stories, sports, and real talk.

Full episode live now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and all the usual spots. Clips and highlights hitting TikTok (@gotta.get.said), Instagram, and YouTube shortly.

What was your favorite part — the Fourth of July meltdowns, the DoorDash insanity, or Dr. Ivo dropping knowledge? Let us know in the reviews or comments. Keep riding with us.

SPEAKER_00

Welcome to Gotta Get Said. Here's your host, Matt Cucko.

SPEAKER_03

One, two, three, go.

SPEAKER_02

What's happening, guys, and welcome to another episode of Gotta Get Said on this Tuesday, July the 7th, 2026. How's everyone doing today? Has everyone had a happy 4th of July? Safe? Did you guys blow up your hands? And you're in the Northeast. Did you deal with the weather? Do you have power? Are you safe? Are you okay? This is an SOS coming through the airwaves right now. Because we were in the Northeast and the weather was atrocious. I did manage to see some fireworks. I did eat the cheeseburgers and the hot dogs. I did play the game. I did watch Joey Chestnut, as um my beautiful friend Mike and Ashley both referenced before. And guys, guess what? They're back. So uh let's say hi to Mike and Ashley.

SPEAKER_01

What up, guys? Happy fourth weekend.

SPEAKER_00

Hello, everybody. Welcome back. Thanks for having me. Happy 250th birthday, America.

SPEAKER_02

And me. Happy birthday, and happy.

SPEAKER_00

Oh yeah. Happy birthday, Matt.

SPEAKER_02

That's it. It was my birthday as well. You a real one, Matt. So yeah, the 4th of July, guys. Uh, you know, it's funny. I was debating, like, my birthday is the 5th of July, as we just referenced. And so, like, you know, I always have like a keen chip to the 4th of July. My brother's birthday was the 4th of July. We always did like a big party. My father was into fireworks his whole entire life. So I was always around like the fireworks more than the average person would for sure. But you know, it's funny. Like, I just I do I do got a couple of gripes with uh the 4th of July. I I really do. And I like fireworks, I really do. But now that I have children, you know, I have young children. I have a 15 or 16-year-old birthday June 30th. But, you know, now I have two children, four and two, and they obviously come with us everywhere. And I they they they wanna like fireworks. I truly believe that they want to. We watch it on YouTube, they love it. You know, we put on the Disney Magic Kingdom, they're fucking watching the fucking films, the frozen themed fireworks show. They're loving every minute of it while they're drinking their babas. And I would like to think that they're really gonna be really, really down this year until we actually get there. And now you go to these events and you know, you wait in line, you sit in traffic, you find a good seat. It's 120 degrees out, literally in New Jersey heat wave, literally 120 degrees out, literally sitting in traffic, literally waiting in line. You finally get a good spot in the grass, the kids are down, they think they're excited, and then the first firework comes and they're just utter terror. Utter terror. No place they want to be less than where they are watching these fireworks right this very minute. And it just sucks, you know? It really puts a damper on the 4th of July experience because it's like I want to like the 4th of July. I love fireworks, I want to like the 4th of July. But how do I sell a four-year-old fireworks? It's like, you know, I can't sell a four-year-old fireworks. I can sell them the idea of fireworks. I can say, hey, look, on the TV, fireworks look great. But now that you're in person, the gunpowder's going off, the smoke, the fire, some things are messing up. There's splattering fucking mortars that didn't go off into the air, literal flamethrowers going through the crowd, alcohol's involved, so some people are bigger assholes than others. How do I sell a four-year-old on this chaos? It's literally utter chaos. And it just, you know, it puts a damper a little bit for me. It really does. Mike and Ashley, you guys heard me rant. You guys don't have children, but what's your take on the Fourth of July? Do you love it? Do you hate it?

SPEAKER_01

Love it. Um, definitely love it. Something to celebrate. Um the fireworks thing is actually hilarious. What do we do when fireworks turn into gunshots? Right? Some of the fireworks are loud these days, man. And also I had some uh I had some stray fireworks fall into my family's yard. Happens. Uh yeah. But um love the Fourth of July, man. It's a reason to celebrate, reason to remember why uh why we are independent and freedom is not free, and yada yada yada. Um, but what do you do when fireworks turn into gunshots? How do you know the difference, right? I have uh a quick story on that. Um two years ago, three years ago in Philly, um, I had an apartment right down by the art museum, and um huge crowd, tons of people there, fireworks, concert, and everything, and then all of a sudden a whole bunch of sirens. And I'm going, Whoa, okay, what's going on? The crowd starts scattering, everyone's doing the whole what's up, what's up? Why are people running? I don't know what's happening. Next thing you know, somebody says, shots, shots fired, cops, cops are shot. I said, cops are shot? What are you talking about? And so, long story short, people celebrating, you know, like all the way back in the day, you shooting guns up into the air, right? Pop, pop, pop, we're celebrating, and next thing you know, the stray just beom, all the way up into the clouds, comes back down, landed in uh in a cop's arm or something like that. So that's one. And then also basically I have a friend who uh same thing, her his sister um family barbecue. They were just hanging out, and next thing you know, a bullet comes down, hits her right in the leg. You're like, whoa, okay, so celebrate, but bombs, chill, gunfire, maybe chill. I mean, I know it's America, though, right?

SPEAKER_02

Listen, I will say this America. The Southside Central Philly themed gun in the air, mob mentality. That made, you know, you had me. The backyard barbecue, gunshot in the air. Like, you gotta elaborate a little more. What are we doing? What's the what what was the theme in that backyard? People just regular family backyard party and they just wanted to celebrate by bucking shots in the air?

SPEAKER_01

I think it was Fourth of July as well. That's a childhood story of one of my buddies, I remember, but it was like, hey, everyone's having fun. Next thing you know, like, why is there blood squirting out of my sister's leg? She got fucking shot.

SPEAKER_02

That's a shotgun win. Ashley, how do you feel about the fourth?

SPEAKER_00

Oh, I love the fourth. Uh, piggybacking off of what Mike said, I always say this is the time of the year where you ask the famous question is it fireworks or is it gunshots? Fair question, I think. Do you love fireworks? I do. Yeah, I love them too. I do.

SPEAKER_03

I love them.

SPEAKER_00

Even when I was little, I remember, I mean, we were too small for the fireworks. You know, we'd probably blow ourselves up, but we used to have the little sparklers back in the day. Oh my gosh, I used to bottle rockets.

SPEAKER_01

Get enough of those. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, yeah.

unknown

Bottle rock.

SPEAKER_01

The other thing, too, quick note on the uh, you know, some people love the fourth, some people are doing the whole, oh, I don't like America these days, and there's nothing to celebrate. And it's like, okay, hold on, hold on. There's a lot to celebrate. However, we're just a teenager, man. America 250, 250 years. We're just teenagers, man. We're still figuring it out. We've come a long way, but we have a long way to go. We can take it, you know, take it as it comes, and come on, let's let's have a moment to celebrate. If you got grapes about America, they're fair, but why don't we save them to the fifth? Save them to the sixth. Yeah, not the party on the fourth.

SPEAKER_02

Not the fifth, not the fifth, not the fifth.

SPEAKER_00

Funny story, too. Quick story about the fourth. We were just talking to your mom recently, and yeah, we were talking about the fact that it was America's 250th birthday. And I randomly, just me being me, I was like, Yeah, I can't believe it's only been 250 years. And his mom starts cracking up. She's like, What were you there like since the beginning? I'm like, I mean, I I maybe I was.

SPEAKER_01

In spirit. In spirit.

SPEAKER_00

I was like, Yeah, I can't believe it doesn't feel like it's been 250 years. How would I know? I mean, I don't know. I wasn't even a thought then, but apparently I am. Apparently, I thought I was in that moment.

SPEAKER_01

Me and old George just sitting on the log. It was just yesterday. Yeah. I asked him to try on his wig, and he said, maybe on the fifth. Yeah, maybe on the 5th of July.

SPEAKER_02

What wooden teeth. I um, yeah, no, you know, I like I said, I usually love the fourth. I really do. But it they are the parties that are firework themes, or some people consider the best parties. I do as well, they are hard to sell with children. They really are. And it's like it's like people don't think about it. And like, you know, so we I went to a party this weekend, and it was a great party. It was a really big firework-themed party. And the the people across the street from this party's house were the people lighting the fireworks. And honestly, it was it was kind of like a double-edged sword. Like, it was great. You would think, like, you have the best view ever, but you're kind of like seeing how the sausage is made. You're like almost too close, like you're almost like part of the production. And it's like, like I said, like we're sitting there, and like fireworks are literally like when you watch fireworks, nine times out of ten, there's gonna be like quote unquote duds. There's gonna be blanks, there's gonna be mishaps, the ones that don't go in the air and come on the floor instead. I understand how that works. I do. But when you're actually sitting directly across the street from that, and you actually have to like literally take cover, you know, it's kind of a double-edged sword. And like this house was very, what's the word? They were very like uh I don't I'm trying to think of the right word. I don't want to use, I don't want to use a negative word, but like they were a little rough around the edges, meaning like they the mortars are the ones that go in the air and like everyone sees and loves. They had those, but they also had a lot of like literally sticks of dynamite, like actual M80 sticks of dynamite that were literally explosions, and it it got a little much. Like my four-year-old is looking at me and I'm like, my ears are ringing. So how do I sell him his ears not ringing? You know what I mean? Like, this is okay, like it's really not okay. There's literal bombs over her head. So, like, you know, it got me thinking. I was like, you know, is the fourth gonna be ruined for me? At what age does the fourth become feasible again? Because it ain't four, and it's definitely not two. So, like, I'm like, I want the firework experience again. It's like the kids they're really taking that from us. But it's it's nice to hear you two, your perspective of it because you don't have children. So you get to just go to these events, you get to just find a good spot, you get to crack open a beer, and you get to Freedom 250 and watch the fireworks, take the selfie, you guys kissing behind the the scene of the fireworks. I envy them, I really do, because when you have children, I I promise it's a total, total different setup. It really is.

SPEAKER_01

We were spangling those stars, baby. That's star spangled banner. We were spangling them bitches.

SPEAKER_00

Spangling them stars. Hashtag throw a hashtag in front of that.

SPEAKER_01

Also, um, not to change the subject, but did you hear that there was a shark bite, non-fatal shark bite on Jones Beach in New York this weekend? So that's one of those, hey, beach going, 4th of July, summertime. Oh, watch out for the sharks.

SPEAKER_02

You know, it's funny. My mom, shout out to my mom, because she's a listener. Shout out, mom.

SPEAKER_00

What's up, mom?

SPEAKER_02

What's up, mom? She always tells me when there's a shark attack within the near area. She'll literally call me six times. Answer, answer. I'm at work. I pick up the phone, I'm like, what? There was a shark attack in LBI. And I'm like, okay. Like, no, was it aunt? Was it uncle? No, no one, complete stranger, got it.

SPEAKER_03

Got it.

SPEAKER_02

But she always keeps us in the loop. And like, I don't know about you guys. You guys are probably a little more, you guys are definitely a little more adventurous than me, but I'm terrified of the ocean. I love the ocean. I love the ocean, but I'm aware of the ocean's power and what it is, and I don't go past my shins. I I can't do it. I'm my my feet, I start losing my feet, and I'm a I'm a decent swimmer. I don't fuck with the ocean. And I I'm never getting bit by a shark because I'm mindful of that being a possibility, and I stay clear. So, Mike, you seem like the type of guy, and I don't want to speak for you, so you're I'm gonna let you speak for yourself, but just looking at you, haven't seen you 20 years, it's our third time. You seem like the type of guy that like pushes the envelope a little bit. Like lifeguard brings a lot of lifeguard whistles to come in. Like, you seem like that guy.

SPEAKER_00

I'm that guy who waves. The definition of pushing pushing the envelope.

SPEAKER_01

I wave the lifeguard off. I'm like, no, no, I'm good. I'm I'm I'm a hundred yards out. Don't worry about me. Yeah. I'm also that guy. I was gonna say, you strike me as that guy. You sure you're not the guy doing like laps in the ocean at 6 30 in the morning at sunrise? Not me. I was gonna invite you for our next trip. I was like, you know, I'm going to the beach. No, not that kind of beach. I'm going to be swimming fucking laps at 6 a.m. watching the sun come up like I'm a fucking orca.

SPEAKER_02

Not me.

SPEAKER_00

He's like, I'm gonna kindly pass. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Definitely waving off the lifeguard.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, you seem like it. You seem like it. Ashley, how are you? Are you a little more on my side or Mike's side?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I'm a little more in the middle. I mean, I love the ocean, I love the water, but I'm also afraid of like I'm the one that's like, oh my god, like there's jellyfish, there's sharks, like there could be like riptides, like the undertow.

SPEAKER_02

Like, I think of you know, every time I go into the ocean worrywart over here. Every time I go into the ocean, I feel a jellyfish. I mean it every fucking time, and like you can see them, and I'm just like, it's not for me. It's not for me.

SPEAKER_00

You know what I can do.

SPEAKER_01

Not for me.

SPEAKER_00

Don't, don't, don't play me now. Don't play with me.

SPEAKER_01

The jellyfish sting is actually like decent. I've gotten stung by one. Yeah, it definitely it's like a bee sting. You know, you're like, oh, that actually kind of hurt a little bit. Not so much that I'm gonna like complain all day about it, but enough to tell your family, like, hey, I don't know if you guys know, but I just got stung by a jellyfish. I'm kind of a badass now.

SPEAKER_00

And then those those horseshoe crab things that get washed up on the beach, those are like some like freaking mutant shits. I don't even know what those are. That's the thing.

SPEAKER_02

The ocean is mutant shits.

SPEAKER_00

I love it, but I I'm respectful of the ocean because I don't want the smoke.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I don't I want no ocean smoke. That's perfectly said. That's me. I don't want and like I'm very like, I'm that dad. Like my son's 16. He tries to like push the envelope. He's a decent swimmer, but he tries to like push it. I I don't tolerate it. And I know that I'm being that guy, I can't do it. I can't listen, I'm a weekend dad with him. I can't have my son drown on my watch. You know, I can't do it. I can't, I can't have it. I can't have it on my on my conscience. So I'm very like, the minute he gets a little deeper than I want, I'm like, bring it in, and like everyone scoffs at me, and I'm like, you hear too many stories. Like, I can't, I'm terrified I can't do it. I can't. I I'm very uh I'm scared. I love the ocean. I go to the beach. I'm going to the beach next week. I will be in the ocean every single day, but I don't go past my shins. Like, I don't, I'm not like I can't even imagine going into the ocean where you can't feel the ground. That's insane. That's open water.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Anything is fair game at that point.

SPEAKER_02

I can't. I can't do it. And like you see these good swimmers that like they're right on the edge of like the current and they're like swimming like a on side of it. I envy those people. I watch them and I'm like, look at I could never go that far. I can't even imagine going that far. Like, I literally can't even imagine that.

SPEAKER_00

It's the literal definition of testing the waters.

SPEAKER_02

Testing the water.

SPEAKER_00

And you have to swim above grounds in literal sense.

SPEAKER_02

I can't swim above ground. Above water. I have to I'm under only. So like I can't I can't be a part of it.

SPEAKER_01

But uh Mike, you you seem like that guy who's I'm I'm just picturing like you know, Jesus walking on water, and then you saying, I I I don't swim above water. Like I don't I don't know many people who do, actually. I don't know what I meant.

SPEAKER_00

I don't know many people who do swim above water, but I do levitate above the water.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, no, I'm very like uh you know, I do find the ocean, the ocean's just a crazy thing, isn't it? Like they always like very fascinating. It's like cra it and honestly, like I'm a little bit mad at society because like we have all this technology, we're going to the moon, fucking Mars, the blue dot photo of the earth, all this crazy shit. And then you hear like, but actually, we've only explored five percent of the ocean. Right.

SPEAKER_00

Wait, what about the ocean?

SPEAKER_02

I'm like, guys, we're going to fucking Mars soon. We have to figure out what's home first. I don't understand. Like, five percent of our own ocean? That I'm a little upset.

SPEAKER_01

And it the ocean covers about 70% of the earth, right? So it's like we actually have explored very little of our own planet, if you think of it that way. I mean, Aquaman is down there, he's he's got that male loneliness epidemic, man.

SPEAKER_00

Aquaman is like Spongebob chilling down there, you know. Yes, all our all our C friends.

SPEAKER_01

I'm trying to be boys with Patrick, bro.

SPEAKER_00

Patrick, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So anyway, the uh the reason I thought about that was because we they were talking about the shark bite and then talking about, oh, there might be a new law with emergency alerts. And I was just gonna say, do we need more emergency alerts? I mean, we just had an emergency alert going off right when we sat down, and it reminded me back of Hurricane Sandy. This weekend was like rain everywhere, trees are down in the Poconos, people are without power, emergency alert, emergency alert. And then I'm like, well, am I gonna get an emergency alert in the Poconos when somebody gets bit by a shark 300 miles away, 200 miles away? Like, do we really need that's for the audience? Do we need more emergency alerts? Do we need less? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know about you guys, but what's the what's like the main one? The girl's name that got kidnapped?

SPEAKER_00

Amber alert. The Amber Alert, right?

SPEAKER_02

The Amber Alert, like, I'm all for the Amber Alert. I'm not shitting on the Amber Alert here. But like, guys, how many times do you see the Amber Alert and you do absolutely like what are you gonna do? I'm sitting at home, I'm like, eight-year-old Sandy, blonde hair, blue eyes, white Honda Civic, license plate, CRV, and I'm like, yeah, that's all good and great, but like, what am I, a militia? What am I gonna do? A citizens arrest?

SPEAKER_01

Like I'm grabbing my top hat and trench coat and I'm hitting the street.

SPEAKER_02

That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00

Like, I I get like listen, I understand like we're going full-blown Avengers style on these motherfuckers. Like Avengers. Like, I I like it. We're saving the kids, okay?

SPEAKER_02

I understand why it's there, but it's like, you know, I I the statistics of like getting the person caught from I don't know, I can't I feel like it can't be that high.

SPEAKER_01

The other one is the silver alert. Have you heard those? That's when there's an older person with maybe some cognitive issues, dementia, and they're kind of driving their car, and they're like, Silver alert! What are you gonna do? Stand in front of the car and stop it?

SPEAKER_00

I actually, a random, random note, I saw a story on news article online, I don't know how long ago this was from, but there was a little girl that I guess had gotten kidnapped, and there was a like a young boy on a bike, and it said that he rode his bike and chased after this car for a good amount of time until the guy or whoever it was finally like gave the kid up. So he technically like saved the girl's life. Like he was on a he was on a bike, and he was he was just like, Yeah, no. He saw a little, he saw a little girl getting kidnapped, and he like rode his bike and like followed the car like on his tail.

SPEAKER_01

That nine-year-old is a hero. No, literally.

SPEAKER_00

He was not afraid.

SPEAKER_02

Like, what color alert is that?

SPEAKER_00

I don't know. That's the hero alert.

SPEAKER_01

That's a Crayola taste. No, Skittles taste the rainbow alert.

SPEAKER_00

Wow, that kill that's a big thing. Well, I saw that and I was like, good for that kid. Like, we need more, like, we need more people like that out there that aren't afraid.

SPEAKER_02

That's the kid, that's the kid that watches that like marine commercial. Yeah. And like you see like the guy helping the guy with the bag, and then you see him like chasing down the old lady and grabbing the purse, and then they like morph into a like a fucking full armed person, like an army ranger, and it's like, this can be you. That's that guy. Amen. He's that commercial.

SPEAKER_00

Kudos to that kid. You are a real life hero. You know, so in all seriousness.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, kudos. Listen, kudos to you. I don't know what alert that would be, but you should he should get his own alert.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

He should he should get. How about a little kid alert? We'll just call it that. Little kid, kid on a bike alert. You're a hospital kid. There's alerts. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Blue alert. What's code blue?

SPEAKER_00

That's when someone stops breathing.

SPEAKER_02

Code white? Is there code white? Um every hospital has a different set of codes.

SPEAKER_00

There's a code atom for like when some when a baby goes missing. Like, because people do steal babies from the, you know. From the maternity ward. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Code Adam.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And for me, in a different hospital, it was a code pink. Same thing that was like baby missing. Wow. Code blue, code red, different types of alerts that are pretty simple.

SPEAKER_00

The one that you never want to get is code brown. That means what it sounds like it means. Poop. Yeah. Oh yeah. Let's get it. That's like run for cover.

SPEAKER_02

So there's a code brown for the case. No, there really is. So like if a guy shit is a couple of things.

SPEAKER_00

It's an official code, but we it is like recognized in like the healthcare as like code brown. Like, we got a code brown in here. I'm like, oh.

SPEAKER_02

What's the code for like taking over the hospital? Is there one? Like a guy armed person. Active shooter shooter. Yeah, I'm sure there's a code. Yeah. Because that shit happens, like, you know, gang-related shootings.

SPEAKER_01

So we've had to do trainings as a teacher, as a doctor. We've every every place now of employment is doing some type of active shooter training as well. And again, it depends on where you go, what the code is. Code silver, code blue, code whatever, you know.

SPEAKER_02

Code Adam. I have three kids. Code Adam is real because the baby ward, like when I'm the dad, so I'm not there the whole time. I would go downstairs and get a drink. I would have to like scan like four different doors to get on to into like the baby section. It's like so the security is like Yeah, they don't mess around. Yeah, they don't. They really shouldn't. Which they shouldn't.

SPEAKER_00

People are crazy. You know, you gotta you can't trust anybody.

SPEAKER_02

So, guys, we're 20 minutes into this episode, and you know, we touched about the 4th of July and we gave pleasantries, and you know, Mike and Ashley, they're new to the game, and I like to like I, you know, I want new, I want new feedback, I want new topics. And they were like, you know, a fun topic we would want to talk about would be something called the DoorDash topic. And I was like, Door dash. We all love DoorDash, right? But no one ever thinks of like the people that are actually doing the Door Dashing, you know. We just like scanning on our phone, leave that door, don't ring bell, you know, take photo. You forgot my drink. So, like, there's a lot of like, you know, we we we give a lot of like negative feedback to the quote unquote dashers, and sometimes it is warranted. But, you know, Mike and Ashley both have Door Dashed like a few times, and they apparently they have some funny stories. So I'm gonna give them the floor, and I'm gonna chime in a little bit, but like, guys, give me some Door Dash stories from on the other side of being a DoorDash.

SPEAKER_01

So also that's a July 4th thing as well. I did spend some time, again, doing a little bit of uh mixing of the career. Door dashing, man. It's nice to get out on the open road. You're like, you know what, instead of going for a drive to clear my mind, why don't I go for a drive to make some money and clear my mind? Not a bad gig. Um, but we have some very funny deliveries um and just recently this weekend as well.

SPEAKER_02

So what's your fun what's your crazy? I'm gonna go one at a time. Mike first, and then Ashley. Mike, personally, what's your craziest DoorDash story?

SPEAKER_01

So I'll start with one again from this weekend, actually. And I've got a whole bunch, I'd have to even dig back in the memory bank. Um, but this one was funny. So I got a ding saying, oh, there's a 45 item order from 7-Eleven. Now, some of these you show up and the bags already packed for you. Others you have to like go shop in the store, right? Anybody who's DoorDashed, you know that. Some of them are shoppers, some of them are bags you pick up. So I get this thing at this paying 45 items. I immediately say, Oh, shit, dude. Like, of course I'm gonna say yes. I'm doing it, I'm trying to make the money. I'm hoping at midnight I'm not gonna have to walk through this damn 7 Eleven scanning every little airhead and scanning every little Pepsi. And I'm getting messages, and I'm thinking maybe it's a college kid because it's like, oh my gosh, thank you for picking this up. We've been waiting for two hours. You're totally goaded. I'm like, oh yeah, bah, let's go. Definitely not grandma. Yeah, definitely not grandma. And they're hyped. They're like, thank you so much. Next thing you know, I got a message too that says, by the way, when you get here, do you want a Capri Sun? I'm like, oh, fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_02

This is a start to an Amber.

unknown

Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_01

So I'm like, do I want a Capri Sun? Of course I want a Capri Sun. I'm like, okay, so this person is at least aware that it's hot out. It's been hot all week, you know, yada yada. So I get to the store, really nice guy's packing it up already. He goes, Oh, this is the big one, right? Oh, yeah. Good luck, man. I take this whole thing out in like one of those like actual milk cartons. Like it wouldn't fit in one trip. I had to like load this milk carton up a couple of times. So again, I'm texting. This the person's texting me back, blah, blah, blah. Okay, I'm coming. I'm almost there. Next thing you know, so I'm going through this neighborhood. Again, by now it's like one in the morning. All the lights are off, right? This one house has all the lights on, all the windows open. That's gotta be the house. It's gotta be the house, right? As opposed to the other visits where it's like 10 cars in the driveway, all the lights are off. This is like the opening scene to a horror movie. Like, are these all the cars that were the other deliverers who got axe murdered in the driveway? So anyway, I'm pulling up this house, I'm like, gotta be the house. Pull in. Um, and lo and behold, I'm thinking it's gonna be a couple college kids, maybe even a rager, maybe offer me a beer in the backyard, you know. Two little girls come out to the door. They're like five years old. Wow. These two little girls. I'm like, wait, what? Hold on. They throw the Capri Sun towards me. And I'm like, oh, oh, okay, hold on. And they're thank you so much. You're so goaded. I'm like, this may as well have been two kids in a trench coat, you know, like the two kids standing on top of each other's shoulders. So it was just goofy, man. You know, no parent and no parent. No parent in sight. No parent. That was it.

SPEAKER_02

That's the story.

SPEAKER_01

That's well, I thought no, I'm not saying like that's it. Like two little girls. Yep, no parent came to the door. And I thought for a second at the door, being like, hey, are your parents home? Like, are you guys home? Are you guys okay? All the lights on in the house, not a parent in sight. And I'm like, well, I don't want to sound weird either. Like, hey, are your parents home, little kid? Like, what's going on in there? Uh, but anyway, so that I mean that was it's not the craziest story, but I just thought it was funny. And so besides the Capri Sun, they also gave me like a little plastic duck as a gift. And I'm like, hey, you know what? One in the morning, 45 items from 7-Eleven, you kids go have a fucking ball, dude. You just stay. I don't know if we're taking those. I don't know if we might have to edit this out, man. I don't know. Mike might have just incriminated himself, man. Taking the Capri Suns?

SPEAKER_00

My question is, who who paid for this? Or who paid for these 45 items?

SPEAKER_01

That's what made me think. Are your parents actually home? Because I don't see any. And you guys got like a boatload of it.

SPEAKER_00

Did you steal mom and dad's credit card? Like, how are y'all paying for this? You don't, you're not even old enough to have a job.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, definitely using mom's linked account.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

They're gonna be like, they're gonna get a notification like $46 and fucking airheads.

SPEAKER_00

Someone's getting grounded.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. 100%. Uh the other one I got really quickly is um I have you ever had to cross state lines to deliver flowers?

SPEAKER_02

No.

SPEAKER_01

Right?

SPEAKER_00

I was like such a weird story.

SPEAKER_01

This is some real romance, bro. I was up in the Poconos. I get an order for Price Chopper. I'm like, okay, cool. I'm walking in. Next thing you know, it says, oh yeah, just 12 dozen roses and a thank you note that says, missing you more than anything. Something like that. I'm like, okay, where am I delivering this to? It's fucking Hackenstown, New Jersey. Hackensack, Hackettstown. I think it's Hackettown. That's a 19. Exactly. Exactly. So I'm like, okay, so we're ordering flowers from like 45 minutes away. I'm crossing state lines. I get there to the house, there's a guy in the driveway. I'm like, oh, perfect. This is for him. I walk up to him and go, hey, I'm your DoorDash guy. And he goes, Oh, those aren't mine. What are you talking about? This is the address, right? And he's like, oh, yes, the side door. It's some other people live on the side. And I'm like, oh, okay. So I'm doing this random drop to some uh guy in New Jersey. Shout out. I hope it worked out, guys. Hope it worked out. Hope the love is uh blooming.

SPEAKER_00

Oh yeah. And didn't you have to like write the note for them? Like there was a note involved with the flowers.

SPEAKER_01

That's the other part is the lady at the store wrote the note that thinking of you so much or missing you so much. And the next thing you know, I'm driving out there, and then the person's messaging me saying, Oh yeah, take out the card, by the way. Take out the card. I got something else. Don't give them the card. I'm like, well, I hope this delivery goes well for you, bud, because it was thinking of you, missing you, and then oh no, take that shit out. But still deliver the flowers. Is this a makeup call?

SPEAKER_00

So you're basically the modern day Cupid over here.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, like uh, well, you know, it's funny. That's the thing about DoorDash, is you guys know, you don't know what you're gonna get. Like personal people-wise, you know, like like I've door dashed before in the past too, and like I never forget my one experience from DoorDashing was that I remember at least, like that's like like out to me, is a guy, it was like one in the morning, same thing. He ordered just a large soda from Wendy's, but like with all the fees and delivery and the tip, it was like a nine dollar soda from Wendy's, and like that's all he got. He was cool, and I'm just like, like you said, you don't know who you're gonna get. Like, you know, Ashley, you got anything that's sticking out?

SPEAKER_00

Um, well, I don't know if our listeners remember me touching on our in our last episode about me um trying to get fired from not well my Mike, my the man that I'm planning on marrying, keep in mind, was trying to get me fired from DoorDash.

SPEAKER_01

First delivery. I said, how bad does a first delivery have to go to get your ass fired?

SPEAKER_00

Right. Can one get fired from DoorDash? I've never heard of it, but this man was intent on making it happen.

SPEAKER_02

So what happened?

SPEAKER_00

So, okay, so how is it Mike's fault?

SPEAKER_02

Let's hear it.

SPEAKER_00

So he obviously has been dashing way longer than I have. I was just like, you know, I still we still have our day jobs, but I'm like, hey, you know, times are tough, you know. It's a good way to make a little, you know, extra side cash. Easy, easy gig.

SPEAKER_01

You went with me a couple times and she's like, oh, this is easy.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. This is easy. I was like, oh, this is this is chill. I know it is. It's like chill. You go, you pick up the order, you drop it off. Like, it's chill. You're your own boss.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_00

You're your own boss, so you're a you can't get fired, right? Okay, so my first delivery was a Starbucks order. I picked up, it was like a frappuccino and a cake pop. Simple order. Went, picked it up, delivered it. It wasn't too far, but it was in an area that I wasn't super familiar with. Um the delivery itself went fine until I got there. I literally parked, dropped off the delivery, and then when you're done, you have to like take a picture of it for as proof that it was delivered, and then you have to mark the orders complete. So at this in this area, the the service was shit. Like the there was no service at all. So I wasn't even able to complete the order. So I'm like, oh great. So the person isn't even gonna know that I delivered the food, and they're they're gonna think I ran off with their order. Somehow it ended up going through. So that was all fine and dandy. But then my next issue was trying to get figure out how the fuck am I getting back home? Like, how am I getting out of here?

SPEAKER_02

Terrible direction.

SPEAKER_00

I am terrible directionally challenged.

SPEAKER_02

Like I have you have battle service.

SPEAKER_00

I would end up in another country somehow if it wasn't, you know, for GPS. So obviously, my GPS isn't working. I was like, okay, like I'm fucked. So I start, I go into panic mode, and somehow I was able to get enough service. I was driving around, I was able to get enough service to get in touch with Mike. Thankfully, he answered the phone, and I go into panic mode. I'm like, babe, I was like, I don't know where I am. I'm crying. I'm like bawling my eyes out. I'm like, babe, I got lost on my first DoorDash order, like my first DoorDash delivery. I was like, my first and last. It wasn't my last. I, you know, eventually conquered my fears. But thankfully, he's like, he's see, he's good with maps. He's like, he found me on the map. He's like, okay, I'm gonna figure out how to get you out of there. Just real, it's okay. He's he's my sanity. Me, I would have had a mental breakdown.

SPEAKER_01

Make a left at dumbass street. And go straight through Foxville.

SPEAKER_00

So I'm balling still at this point, and you know, eventually I got service, but before that, I'm crying. He's laughing at me. I'm like, babe, this is not funny. He's like, it's a little funny. And yeah, eventually I found my way out of there. And then, you know, obviously I was fine, but then he's like, Yeah, I'm totally getting your ass fired from Door Dash.

SPEAKER_01

Like, see, I thought you had gotten lost on the way to the delivery. So then it was the deliveries late. You're lost. Now you're worried. Now you're worried. And that's when I said, you know what? I'm getting your ass fired.

SPEAKER_00

Right.

SPEAKER_01

So Mike actually saved the day.

SPEAKER_00

He did.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. Now where were you where you where you live?

SPEAKER_00

It was.

SPEAKER_02

I know you guys live in the Poconos-ish. Like, I get like people that don't know that, like Allentown.

SPEAKER_00

It was maybe a good 30 to 40-ish minutes from where I live. Okay, that's fair.

SPEAKER_02

So it goes to show you that you don't realize how much you need technology until it's gone.

SPEAKER_00

Right.

SPEAKER_02

Can you imagine? Do you guys remember? You know, I did a stand-up bit about this, but it was actually the God's honest truth. Like, just to piggyback on that before we get into more stories, maps. Like, do you guys remember like using a m-imagine using a fucking map? Like, imagine delivering. You're a delivery driver. This is your job. You're doing fucking 50 deliveries. This is your bread and butter five days a week. You have to use a map to get to each location. I can't, I literally I can't even imagine. So thankfully, people like Mike still exist and they know how to read a map and they know the the map lingo and the contents and what things mean, but like I'm not one of those people. It sounds like Ashley's not one of those people.

SPEAKER_00

I would I would be in another country and I wouldn't know how to get back.

SPEAKER_02

Do you guys have any when you talk about Door Dashing, have you had any bad experiences in a sense of like because like I've done I've done it, I've lift like bad reviews. Have you ever had a bad back and forth with a Door Dasher? And before you talk, I'm gonna give you my little area. So I ordered a DoorDash once. This was like three years ago, and you know how it is with DoorDash. Everyone listened to this DoorDashes. Things get delayed, like DoorDashers drop out, and long story short, like Mike reference, oh, it was two hours before my last one. I was kind of in that realm. So, like me and my girl, we ordered food, we were waiting for the food. It was well over an hour. Well, well, well over an hour. In that time, we're thinking, like, you know what, it's a lost cause, it's not coming. The dasher finally reached out on message and he was like, Hey, I'm on my way. And I was like, you know what, dude, just bring it back, we're good. Don't for and this guy got mad at me. So he started like cursing at me via the he called. He's like, You're a fucking asshole. You know, I just grabbed this. Because in his defense, the way DoorDash works, not to get too inside baseball, but when DoorDashes drop, like if Ashley has a DoorDash and she's decides not to take it, Mike gets dinged. So it's not Mike's fault. Mike gets dung and he's running right to his DoorDash. It just so happens that the DoorDash he's running to had four other Ashley's, and now it's a two-hour wait. So now I'm pissed because it's a two-hour wait. This guy just got his dash. He's cursing at me on the phone. I'm like, fuck you, dude. You know where you're coming. Come to this address. I'm literally about to fist fight this DoorDasher solely on a DoorDash. Like he called he challenged me. I had to do it. So now we're having this like crazy back and forth. I'm putting my shoes on. I haven't gotten to a fight in like 20 years. I'm a little out of shape. I'm stretching. My girl sees me in the living room. She's like, You're stretching? I'm like, I haven't fought in a while. I'm out of shape. I'm gonna throw my rotator cuff's gonna, I'm gonna lose. I don't know who I'm walking into. Like, you know, hopefully this guy's not you know not trained, well-versed, leg kicks, you know what I mean? Feet liver shots. I don't know what I'm dealing with. So, like, yeah, long story short, he never showed, thankfully. And but like, yeah, my point is, have you guys ever had maybe not as severe and dramatic as the experience I just articulated, but have you ever had a bad experience with the guest mic?

SPEAKER_01

Well, like you said, the whole like you're picking it up, and you're the fourth person who it was supposed to go to, so it's already an hour late that you're picking it up. Um, I had that happen where I also went to a restaurant in this really nice French bistro right on the border of uh uh Pennsylvania and New York, and um again crossing into state lines to deliver it in New York. I get there, I'm already an hour late because it was canceled five times, and then there's a fire truck outside, and all the staff is out in the street, and I'm like, well, how long is this gonna fucking take?

SPEAKER_02

Dog eight my homework.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I'm sitting there messaging the guy, and I'm like, hey, I'm here at the restaurant. I still might be another hour. I have no idea. And then thankfully it went through. Uh we got back in the building 20 minutes later. But the lady was super nice. She was like, Oh, this is literally three hours late. I already cooked dinner. I already made myself something. But hey, it was seafood, she's gonna put it in the fridge, you know, whatever.

SPEAKER_02

She wasn't trying to fist fight you.

SPEAKER_01

She wasn't trying to fist fight. I would have hit her with a little roundhouse. So it's a me thing for equality, a little left hook for equality, you know. Oh my god. Ashley, anything?

SPEAKER_00

No, I haven't been doing it long enough to have any good thing, awful experience. Just yeah, nothing too eventful aside from trying almost getting fired, but but it was it gotta get said, and in this case, it gotta get fed. Gotta get fed.

SPEAKER_02

Gotta get yeah, hey, if you if you guys are in the Pocono area and you're gonna be a Door Dasher for independence. Yeah, right? Dashing for like dashing for dollar signs, really.

SPEAKER_01

Dashing for America this weekend, baby. Yeah, America. It was. Yeah, it was good imagine. That was my thought process. I'm like, well, I've seen my family a lot recently. You know what? Instead of partying today, why don't I go make money? People are ordering food, let's make it happen. One other real quick shout out to the people up in Kool Bah, to the people up in the in the sticks, like you said, you know the Poconos, those roads get windy, that service gets shoddy. I got a dollar general order, and you're same thing. Sometimes it's groceries, sometimes it's like hair dye. I roll in and it's two water guns, a whole bunch of water balloons, and I show up to the house, and the lady walks out with this huge smile, and I said, Oh, hell yeah. You guys are about to have fun, right? And you know what she says? She goes, Oh boy, we about to light these kids up.

SPEAKER_00

Oh kids are going down.

SPEAKER_01

I said, You guys celebrate the right way, dude. Send them out in the yard, dodging bullets, and just light those fuckers up, dude.

SPEAKER_02

You know, it's funny, like you said, like it like when Mike brought up the DoorDash talk, I was like, you know, it's a good thing to talk about because like no one ever talks about like anyone can DoorDash. They do zero vets, zero vetting. If you have an ID that you can post and they take a photo of, that's it. That's what you need. So, like, literally any different person, all different shapes and walks of life can be your DoorDasher. And like you said, it's it's a very like, it's not full, it's not 100% bulletproof. There's a lot of drops, there's a lot. So, like, I can imagine a lot of people having a lot of crazy DoorDash stories. So that's you know, it's pretty cool. Oh, go ahead.

SPEAKER_01

Last one. I actually picked up what I thought was a homeless guy. Literally, I am that guy. I am the like the water's edge of the of the ocean, and I wave off the lifeguard. I'm also I come home, I tell my family, and they're like, what's wrong with you? You're picking up a homeless guy, you're gonna get stabbed in the neck. And then hold on. I checked my rear view mirror, I practice some karate, okay? I'm gonna be fine. So I see this guy walking barefoot with a dog, and I just roll my window down, and I actually roll with I ride with my windows down anyway. Uh shout out to natural fresh air. Um, but yeah, so I roll with the window and I'm like, You good, bro? And he's like, actually, man, can I hop in the back? Can I get a ride? I'm like, eh, fuck it. Yeah, hop in the back. What's your story, bro? What's going on? He goes, actually, my dog just ran away from this barbecue. I chased him, that's why I have no shoes on. I was like, Oh, I thought you were a bum. He's like, No, no, but thank you, bro. This is gonna be your miracle, man. I'm gonna, I'm gonna pray for you, man. Uh I just thank you so much. I said, man, I drove him like a hundred yards. Yeah. But at the same time, if you're walking on hot pavement, that hundred yards is a lifesaver. This guy's bottom of his seat were probably red, falling off.

SPEAKER_00

Like third-degree burn status.

SPEAKER_01

He was very thankful. I'm never picking up a hitchhiker.

SPEAKER_00

I can't do it. Like we said, this guy lives life on the edge.

SPEAKER_02

I live life safe. Not on the edge. I'm so like in. You know, everyone said, like, come out of your shell. I like being in my shell. I like the box. I like, you know, people I'm safe in my box. I love being safe in the box. People are always like, nah, you gotta like ch I'm like, yeah. I'm like, I don't really know. So like picking up a hitchhiker is something. I would pick up like a woman and child, maybe if I'm really feeling it. If there's a kid there, I'll have a soft spot. But like a barefoot man with a dog on Cool Bow Road, he's probably not making the cut for me, to be honest. So I give you credit. I I really do. Ashley, you I don't even care what your next sentence is gonna be. Don't ever pick up a hitchhiker.

SPEAKER_00

Fuck now. Fuck no.

SPEAKER_01

The barefoot guy with a dog is either on drugs or looking for drugs. Yeah. Or in this case, just trying to get home.

SPEAKER_00

This guy at least has a fair chance of, you know, saving himself. Me, I'm I'm shit out of luck if something happens.

SPEAKER_02

Now, what do you do, like a guy like Mike? I'm looking right at him, so it's a little uncomfortable to say, but it's a guy's honest truth. Let's say, God forbid, Mike got murdered, right? So everyone's so sad, right? So sad. But like, in your in the back of your mind, someone in that funeral home is thinking, like, you know, he he kind of he had it coming a little, you know. He literally asked for it. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, but like you come for my man, I'm going full GTA status on you. Like, I am coming for you. Yeah, no, that's it. Don't fuck with me.

SPEAKER_02

No, yeah, no. I don't, like I said, I get it. But it's like, you know.

SPEAKER_01

That's that's kind of also when I'm like in the jungle in Guatemala and I'm going hut to hut doing like medical visits. Absolutely. I always tell my buddies, they're like, dude, if you die down there, like, I'm like, bro, just know that I died doing what I love, man. Like, Mike got bit by a snake, man. It's like, yeah, he's in the fucking jungle of Guatemala.

SPEAKER_00

He would go out some wild and crazy way.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I when if I if that happens, I did I did it doing what I love. God's work. Amen.

SPEAKER_00

Let's just do it later rather than sooner. Yeah, right. Let's enough of this death talk. I don't like it.

SPEAKER_02

Let's get a red in the sea first, right? And then we'll uh then you can die. Right.

SPEAKER_01

Let's take out that life insurance policy first. Yeah, again. Yeah, thanks. Let's get married, take out a little life insurance, then go have a ball. Yep, exactly. Be on the helicopter at 5 a.m., you know, ascending into the mountains. Do what you gotta do.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, no, you Mike is definitely everything I'm not. And it's uh that's why I love I love hearing his take on it, because like even like as little as swimming in the deep end of the ocean, you know? As little as that.

SPEAKER_00

You guys balance each other out very well.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, we do.

SPEAKER_00

And then I'm literally just snapdag in the middle.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, you're throwing your you are literally snapdag in the middle.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, honestly. You know where this starts though? Shout out to my parents, shout out to church missions trips. I went to Haiti when I was 12. I went to Haiti twice when I was 12, and I saw the poverty, saw the crime, and I said, but you know what? I'm walking the streets, we're talking to people, we're hugging people, we're praying for them. Next thing you know, I go to Guatemala, next thing I know, I go to China, we adopt my little sister. Next thing I know, I'm in college, I go to Europe. I'm over here like I've traveled the world. I'm not gonna be an idiot. It's like anywhere else you go, right? This is advice for anybody who wants to go travel who's a little timid. Hey, Philadelphia is the same as Guatemala, is the same as Munich, Germany, right? There's just certain places you know you have to be alert. There's certain places you know, well, hey, it's three in the morning, maybe I shouldn't be on this little corner over here.

SPEAKER_00

Do your research before you go to some random spot.

SPEAKER_01

The flickering streetlight. Yeah. But it's the same as you hope you hope street light. Street light's best case scenario. But you know, I don't know. So speaking of that, too, um, World Cup?

SPEAKER_02

Listen, I was gonna say the World Cup. You know, it's funny. Last time we spoke about the World Cup, and I was like, after the last episode, we touched it a little bit, and I was like, you know, it's funny, I didn't I didn't realize I like cared that much post this episode. I know USA plays tonight at 8 p.m. It's about uh it's a it's it's a good game. It's a pick'em, if you will. Like so the people that are betting on this saying it's gonna be a very close game, we're slight favorites. So let's hope USA wins. I know England played last night, they beat Mexico. Yes, sir. Yeah, that was a big game. Great game. Yeah, great game. What do you got to talk about? What do you got to say about it?

SPEAKER_01

Well, first of all, I was rooting for Mexico just because, hey, yeah, we have a little, you know, histor history with England, and they say, oh, special relationships, special allies politically, you know, whatever. That's what they all say about business deals, right? I'm over here rooting for Central and South America. Fuck the Redcoats. Yeah, exactly. Fuck the Redcoats. Fuck the Britosh. So anyway, um, what I thought was hilarious, two things. Um, the Mexican fans found out where the England hotel was, and so they went to the hotel and were all night beeping horns and shooting fireworks at the hotel to try and make them not be able to sleep. Wow. Isn't that hilarious? That is hilarious. It's like talk about home field advantage, dude. Seriously. Like, we know where your hotel is, we're hunting it down, and we're gonna be setting bombs off on the city.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, yeah, because Mexico had games in Mexico, the world clubs in Mexico a little bit too. Correct.

SPEAKER_01

They're allowing the U.S. and Mexico to play games in their home countries. So it's like the home field advantage. Of course, right? The other thing I thought was hilarious with England, apparently, Viagra is one of the medications that is not banned by FIFA. And apparently, there are studies that show it can help with it's a vasodilator, opens up your blood vessels. So not only does it open up your blood vessels to the certain region that it's supposed to work for, but it can also open up blood vessels in your lungs. So one of the highlights or one of the articles I saw was technically England players could take Viagra to help because the Mexico Stadium is mile high. Wow. Oh, yeah. So it's harder to breathe out there.

SPEAKER_00

While they're running around with just straight boners everywhere.

SPEAKER_01

Seriously, huh? That's exactly.

SPEAKER_02

How do you regulate that?

SPEAKER_01

That's exactly where my mind went. And have you seen any of these offside calls? They got the technology now, and it's like this guy was offsides by a toenail. He was offsides by like a hair. And I said, imagine being a national hero or a national scapegoat based on the size of your boner. Like, we went to the technology. He's not offsides, his dick is too small. You're a national hero, bro. Or you're a national we scored the winning goal. It was disallowed because he just had this massive Viagra-ridden hog that set him one inch too far off sides. Man, I didn't know any of that, by the way. That's crazy. It's a whole thing with medical and what you can't take.

SPEAKER_02

No, yeah, for sure. I just didn't know that it happened.

SPEAKER_01

Well, I don't know if it did. It was kind of one of those tweets that people were saying, like, theoretically, they could take it. I highly doubt England players were taking fire before the game.

SPEAKER_02

Can't trust the British.

SPEAKER_01

Can't trust those turncodes, man.

SPEAKER_02

That's it, man. Honestly. Thank thank God, Paul Revere, right? The British coming right. Hell yeah. Was he British?

SPEAKER_01

Uh no, he's here. Well, actually, I don't know. He's an American colonist. I don't know if he was from Britain originally or if he was born in the States. I have no idea. Okay. That's fair. Right? Because some people moved over here and then some people were actually born here. But speaking of America, also, did you hear about how they reversed the red card for our best player?

SPEAKER_02

No.

SPEAKER_01

Ballow Gunn. He's the guy who's been scoring all the goals for us. Okay. Um, they he got a red card, and it was like kind of a sketchy call, maybe not the best call, but it's supposed to keep you out of a game. But guess what? This is America, baby. There's money on the line. We gotta win this fucking game. And so guess what? FIFA did something that's never happened before. They reversed the Red card and they're allowing him to play tonight. And I said, you know what? There's nothing more American than that. Wow. Let's rig the rules so we can make some fucking money, baby.

SPEAKER_02

What was there? Did they have like a real technical reason, or we don't know it?

SPEAKER_01

I think so. Bullshit. Yeah, some BSP. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah. This is a record setting attendance for World Cup games. I think it's a record setting profit as well so far. Makes sense. Yeah, but it was something like because the because the foul was called on the replay, then it could be challenged. It was some type of technicality like that. But again, leave it to America. We're a very litigious society, right? We like to sue people. So this is true. It's nothing more American than saying, hey, we got a home game. We need our best player. We're gonna fucking challenge this. There's some little caveat in the law. You didn't read the fine print, dumbass. Welcome to America, baby. We're gonna make some money. And the guy's name is Ballow Gun. Also, nothing more American than a forward that has got a gun in his name. This guy's shooting goals left and right, baby. Ballogun, the all-American chopper.

SPEAKER_02

Let's hope we win. Let's hope we win. This would be the first for the this, if we win, would be the first time since 1930 that we made it this far in the World Cup. Oh wow. Yeah, if we win this round, we would go to the like the Elite Eight. That's what I know it as, but that's what it would be. That would be the first time since 1930 that uh America has gone that far. So that's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_01

You know what else is exciting? We actually do have a chance. I was gonna say, when we won our first two games, of course, American media just ridiculously sensational. Uh sensationalism out the ass. Um we won two mediocre games against a couple mediocre teams, and all of a sudden they're going, America, we might win the World Cup. We might win. And like everyone's getting hyped. People who have no idea are like, hey, I heard we might win. I'm like, we're not even in the playoffs yet, bro. Like, chill.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, relax, buddy.

SPEAKER_01

Um, we're getting good with placement, though. But now, but now some of the big giants have already lost. Brazil lost, Germany lost, the Netherlands lost, Argentina went to overtime. So it's like, so you're telling me we got a change. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02

And like home field advantage in soccer, World Cup, is a huge thing.

SPEAKER_01

Big.

SPEAKER_02

Like, history-wise, if you look into it, I don't know the history, but I've heard it was if you look into this after this sentence, it's it's a it's a factor. It's home field advantage, it's definitely a factor.

SPEAKER_01

Historically, the teams that host the World Cup, like you said, they they do better statistically than they ever have any other time, you know. So like when South Korea hosted it, they did, they went the best they've ever played. Yeah. Same thing with South Africa. They've never qualified for a World Cup, and next thing you know, they like advance to the nine, you know. So yeah, home field advantages.

SPEAKER_02

No, it makes sense. You're waking up in your house as a l as opposed to fucking Haiti. You know what I mean? So it's like, I get it.

SPEAKER_01

Like and you got your home fans in front of you, you know, you got your you got the pride of your nation on your chest. Yeah, 100%. You turn into an Avenger.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. Guys, real quick, also, I I we've teased that we're gonna do like some segments each up each episode. We're gonna have a guest, we're gonna have a little bit of a Mike, a little Dr. Mike Ivoccini. We're flirting with the name. We're gonna call it Dr. Ivo's Dose, where he's gonna give you his little uh run on headlines and things that are happening that maybe aren't total gotta get said uh in the realm. Maybe we're not talking about fireworks and hot dog. Maybe, you know, maybe, maybe we get a little serious sometimes. Maybe we don't get a little serious sometimes. The floor is gonna be mics. If Ashie wants to chime in, that's totally up to them. But it's gonna be called Dr. Ivo's Dose. That's gonna be the first segment, and we're gonna have this first segment right now as we speak. Eventually it's gonna have a lot of bells and whistles. It's gonna be really cool. But as we're rounding third, I want to throw the floor to Dr. Ivo's dose and see what he's got for us today. Because we all want to learn. We're all dopey listeners. So, Mike, enlighten us.

SPEAKER_01

Amen. Thank you very much. So, yeah, I figured again, what are the headlines? What are things that are important? What do we need to know? In this case, we got some medical stuff, some World Cup stuff. We already talked about the England Viagra thing, which I think is hilarious. Uh, there's another headline here that says improper use of a massage gun tore holes in man's retinas. Yeah. Been there, right? Been there, right? We all use massage guns these days, little home therapy, a little getting on the shoulders, wife's too tired, husband's too tired. I like that massage. Uh, you know, I'm too tired. Maybe tomorrow. Oh, don't worry, baby. I got this $300 massage gun. Let me just ba ba ba to my eye sockets and tear my retinas.

SPEAKER_00

I have questions.

SPEAKER_01

That's one of those, you know, you come to the ER and you're like, why are you here? Well, there's something I I tripped and fell, and I have a jar of mayonnaise up my ass. Oh, you fell on the mayonnaise, huh?

SPEAKER_02

I'll be honest, when he said retina, I just thought rectum. I thought the guy, I thought it was up the guy's ass. And then you guys said eyes, and I was like, yeah, no, it's a good thing.

SPEAKER_01

But who's let the audience decide? Who's literally using a massage gun on their eyes? Yeah, to the point where you're tearing a hole in your retina. Just wild. America? Uh retina. No, I'm saying I hear you. I hear you. I actually don't know where.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, okay, that's fair. Probably America, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01

You never know. What else you got for us? All right, so next one is uh speaking on the sports themes as well. And we had the you know national hot dog eating championship a couple of 66. Just last night, we were airing on ESPN the U.S. air guitar all-star air off. Can you believe that? There is a sport now about playing air guitar. I said, hold on, wait a minute. And the finals was between Mom Jean's Genie and Romeo Dance Cheetah. Did you watch it? Uh my parents did. I wonder how they must be so gifted. How good at air guitars you have to be to get on national television ESPN, watch me play this.

SPEAKER_00

How do you find outlets? And which one are we voting for?

SPEAKER_02

I mean like how do you think like this is something I want to do? You know what I mean? Like, how do you like go down that world? I need like where are these at? Like, I need them.

SPEAKER_01

Honey, we're selling the house. We're selling your jewelry. I've got a dream. I'm gonna be on TV. I'm gonna be in the national air guitar championship. ESPNA, the Ocho. That's it. That's it. So, okay, another quick couple couple ones I'll do quickly. I love these. So the Who declared recently that the Hontavirus outbreak is now officially over. Okay. When did it even begin? Yeah. What?

SPEAKER_00

We just got kind of thrown into the Honta mix. Do you remember that? It was like back in April.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, yeah, of course. The cruise ships. Cruise ships, exactly. Yeah. And it was one of those, oh, the whole outbreak, 13 people were sick and three died. I said, do I really need international news coverage for that? That's happening every weekend in some village in Haiti, some village in Singapore, some some rural town in America. Do I need a national headline to tell me that the outbreak that killed three people is really over? But hey, God bless them.

SPEAKER_02

I remember they were like getting like, it was getting pretty scary. Also, when you said I, you know, I'm realizing how stupid I am. Also, when you said the who, I referenced the band. And I was like-I knew you were going there. I was like, the who? I was like, what are they, what do they got to say about all this? Are they are they getting political nowadays?

SPEAKER_01

The who. Yeah. They're declaring the outbreak is over. Here's an air guitar. Here's an air guitar riff to cue the outbreak is over. Alright, and a couple more for you, real quick. Of course. Apparently, according to PBS, PBS News Hour, 37% Peanut Butter and Chip. No, I'm just kidding. Go ahead. Go ahead. I'm not that stupid, guys. PBS, MPR, some of those public, public broadcasts, right? PBS News Hour says apparently 37% of Americans believe that they may have to resort to violence to get our country back on track. So we're not out here fighting DoorDash drivers. We might be fighting each other. Really? So I mean 37% is kind of high, man. So what wait a minute.

SPEAKER_02

So what what in light well like give me a little more to that? What does that mean?

SPEAKER_01

I think, you know, again, the screen. I thought you I I read that as fighting other countries. They're talking about fighting each other? I think so. I think again, it's probably the hyper partisan people. You know, there's the majority of Americans, you know, you can see it both ways. There's nuance to these conversations, but there are people who are, you know, it's all their fault. It's all his fault. And she goes to jail and he goes to the guillotine. And so, but apparently 37% is a high number, dude. That's a high number. That's a high number. We might just be out here fisticuffs in the street. No vote for my guy. No vote for my guy. Let me kick you in the nuts.

SPEAKER_02

I could see. Listen, we're in the world right now that I can see it.

SPEAKER_00

It's already crazy enough. How much crazier can we get? Come on, people. Let's get our shit together.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, seriously. Echo Ashley's point.

SPEAKER_01

Last couple men. Last couple ones here. Apparently, down in, I want to say Brazil. It's either Brazil or Mexico. I actually don't have it right here on the oh, it's Mexico, excuse me. So, World Cup theme, but also violence theme. Apparently, there's a mysterious Batman targets motorcycle thieves in Mexico and ties them to poles. Oh my gosh, I'm look, guys, I'm looking at it right now.

SPEAKER_00

I can't even make this shit up.

SPEAKER_01

There's videos of people just driving on their mopeds through Mexico and there's just a random guy duct taped to a pole. And apparently this guy's dressing as Batman, going around hunting down these thieves and duct taping them to street poles. How fucking hilarious is that?

SPEAKER_02

And that's why I don't travel.

SPEAKER_01

What happened to Matt?

SPEAKER_00

But I stay in my box.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. We're not doing the show this week. Matt is duct taped to a pole in Mexico.

SPEAKER_00

And we have to go rescue him.

SPEAKER_02

That would be my luck. Like I would go to Mexico on a fucking all-inclusive, and they're like, you remember like three months ago, like they took over the city? I don't want to deal with them taking over.

SPEAKER_00

And clearly I'm stuck in fucking Canada somewhere, so I'm no help to you. Like, good luck getting rescued.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, no, I can't do it. Guys, Dr. Ivo, Mike is gonna solo this show. Ashley's in Canada with no service. Matt is type taped to a pole in Mexico. Exactly. And I'm over here just holding it down. It's fine. Last one, last one. Alrighty, look at that. Last one. This one takes us to Texas. Gracie the giraffe, who went missing after wandering off a Texas ranch, is finally found. Hurrah. And then the subsection says they were found via helicopter as the giraffe was missing for two weeks. Two weeks? My immediate question is how do you lose a giraffe?

SPEAKER_00

One of the tallest creatures in the world.

SPEAKER_01

The tallest. I'm going to Best Buy. I'm going to the Walmart. Oh, there's a giraffe over there in the parking lot. How do you lose a giraffe for two whole weeks?

SPEAKER_00

How did nobody think this was suspicious? And a giraffe is just walking in to shop right. Like, okay, because that's normal.

SPEAKER_02

How did the giraffe survive?

SPEAKER_01

Great question. Hunting? Great question. What do giraffes hunt? Giraffe is a motherfucking warrior, dude.

SPEAKER_02

That is true. Wow, that's you know, it's funny because like it's funny to read these and they sound hilarious, but like, in all actuality, what the fuck? Where was just giraffe for two weeks? Exactly. And like it's Texas is open.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02

It's like, you know, open plains.

SPEAKER_01

Not hiding in the jungle.

SPEAKER_00

Where?

SPEAKER_01

He's not in the subway. He's chilling in a Walmart parking lot, dude.

SPEAKER_00

He's missing in plain sight. Like, come on.

SPEAKER_01

That's my first question, though. Like I said, my mind goes to, again, analytical doctor, right? I'm like, okay, cool. Giraffe is missing. Let's think the obvious. Keep tight search radius. No. This guy was four miles away for two weeks. What are you guys doing, man? Cops in Texas, what are you guys doing? Can we get somebody on the show? Can we get the guy who found the giraffe? Oh my god, play. Can we talk to those guys and say I'll pay him? What were you doing for two weeks, guys? You watching it on a monitor, eating a donut, and then, ah, you know what? He's close by. Let me walk out and go grab him. I think we got him.

SPEAKER_02

You think you either got it's either a giraffe or it isn't a giraffe.

SPEAKER_00

We'll continue to monitor.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, exactly. So that's my that's my wrap-up. I hope everybody enjoyed it. Um, yeah, let's uh let's find those next giraffes that go missing. And let's tape those thieves to the frickin telephone poles, all right?

SPEAKER_00

Let's rescue Ashley from Canada.

SPEAKER_02

Please. Dr. Ivo's dose, guys. That was listen, that was a great first. I I'm I'm so excited because like you're gonna you guys are gonna bring so much to the table that I I can't wait to hear about. And uh that's a fun first segment. I'm very excited about that. But guys, we are that's it. We're we're getting pretty 55 minutes into this episode. Longest episode I might have ever done, which is cool. Yeah, we hit it out.

SPEAKER_00

Good job, guys.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, stamina, stamina. So uh, yeah, guys, I uh I hope you guys enjoyed this. I hope you guys love everything. Now we're gonna get a little more serious with you guys. I really, really, really, we really want feedback, guys. So please, like I'm gonna post some polls during the week and don't just scoff at them, don't throw them a little hard, don't swipe up. Actually answer them because we're gonna we want you, we really want the engagement. We really, really want the engagement. So tell us what worked, tell us what didn't work, tell us what you want us to talk about next. Get involved in this thing. It's a community's podcast. It really, really is. So I want to make this podcast part of the community. I want you all to feel welcome, and I want you all to feel involved and like you're you're with us from the ground up. You know, we're in the early stages, we're on the ground floor right now. Come up with us, guys. Like, hop in. And before I get too rich and famous, and I'm not even gonna look at your DMs, remember, like, hey, they used to actually listen and talk about what I wanted to talk about. So I'm gonna give the floor to Mike and Ashley, have them say their goodbyes, and then I'll say my final goodbyes.

SPEAKER_01

So, guys. Have a great week, everybody. Be safe. Like Matt said, engagement. We want to hear from you. What do you have a story to tell? Do you have a funny uh moment that happened? Do you have a question? Anything you want to talk about, hit us up. Uh, mics are open, phone lines are open. Again, once we get too rich and famous, I'm gonna pretend like I didn't even know you, you know.

SPEAKER_00

Then we're pacing out. No, I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_01

No, I'm the guy who I'm gonna I'm the guy who's gonna be in line for like 17 hours straight, just dabbing every- You want a picture? Come on. You wanna dab me up? Come on. Babe, we gotta go home. Dinner's on the tattoo. I'll be home when I'm home. I got online here, okay? Don't approach me. I told you not to call me at the office. All right, that's my goodbye. Peace out.

SPEAKER_00

Yes. Uh, just to piggyback off of what Mike and Matt said, give us the engagement, guys. Don't make us sit here talking to ourselves looking like like like crazies. Like, come on.

SPEAKER_01

A bunch of jabronies.

SPEAKER_00

Jabronies, yeah. Don't do that to us. Show us some respect, okay? No, but in all seriousness, this was a great, a great episode. I I thought this was a lot of fun.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, so much fun. Thank you. Like, like I said, like Ashley, like I'm I'm always gonna say, you have the hardest job in this group, so please, everything, everything you can see.

SPEAKER_00

If it was easy, everyone would do it.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, exactly. Dealing with us is not an easy thing.

SPEAKER_00

Just call me Ashley East Coast, baby.

SPEAKER_02

That's it, Ashley. Guys, we're working on nicknames here. Ashley East Coast.

SPEAKER_00

I'm teasing it right now. That's it. I am the Chanel West Coast of this podcast right now, so Ashley East Coast, guys. There it is. Burn it into your brains.

SPEAKER_01

You heard it here first. You guys got something to say about it. You like it, you don't like it, you got a story, you got a question, hit us up and Ashley East Coast, Dr. Ivo over and out.

SPEAKER_02

Peace. Guys, until next time, I'm actually gonna be on vacation next week from the 18th to the 24th. So we won't have an episode next week, but I'll do like a little best of clip. We'll still get we'll still engage you guys. I'm not going anywhere. So you're still gonna get your daily posts that you always get. Next week, next Tuesday, when usually you listen to your podcast, just listen to the old episodes, catch up on some old feeds, you know. Like and subscribe always, and uh, we'll be back in two weeks. And until then, I say peace. I'm out of here.