In today's episode, we speak with Stephanie about her stillborn daughter, Penelope, who arrived at 39 weeks and 6 days. After two healthy births and a completely uneventful third pregnancy, Stephanie found herself facing the unthinkable: an awareness of no fetal movement, confirmed by a silent Doppler and finally a hospital ultrasound. What followed was labor induction, birth, and the impossibility of leaving the hospital without her baby, riding home with her innocently cheerful toddlers in the car.

Next came shock and denial, pleading with God, managing her milk coming in, and experiencing an isolation so extreme that even a friend of fifteen years told Stephanie she couldn't handle maintaining a friendship in the face of something so grave. Stephanie also reflects on the impact to her equally-devastated husband, the family members who ranged from phenomenal to absent, and facing the disorienting task of caring for her two children while grieving a third. To this day, Stephanie grapples with how to answer the question mothers usually enjoy: "How many children do you have?"  

Our conversation later turns to grief, faith, 'God winks' that seem to show up everywhere as signs of her daughter's love and presence, and Stephanie's evolving sense of peace, even hope and eagerness, as she looks toward continuing to expand her family. 

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