0:38  
Assalamu alaikom wa rahmatullahi wabaraktuh, and welcome to this episode of A Way Beyond the Rainbow, this podcast series dedicated to Muslims experiencing same-sex attractions who want to live a life true to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and Islam. I'm your host Waheed Jensen, thank you so much for joining me in today's episode. Today's episode is the first episode in a series of consecutive episodes where we tackle a lot of spiritual themes, particularly ones that are very relevant to us, Muslim men and women who experience and struggle with same-sex attractions, regardless where we are in our own personal journeys, what backgrounds we come from and what experiences we've had in our lives. We will be talking about the mercy and the love of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, the nature of this world and why He tests us in this Dunya. We will be talking about hardships and trials and tribulations, about the concepts of attachments and surrender and sacrifice. We will be talking about and revisiting a lot of those stories of prophets and giants before us, to kind of see how their stories fit with our daily struggles, what we can learn from all of these wonderful stories of the people who have been through the hardest calamities and hardships, and how we can internalize those concepts and apply them in our lives. We will be talking about the gifts that come with SSA, the blessings that come with same-sex attractions. What are the gifts that we have? What are the Divine openings that come from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala on our path to Him, particularly for those of us who experience same-sex attractions. We're going to be talking about pure love for the sake of Allah. We'll be talking about the morality and the concept of temptation and sin, and how all of this ties to our struggle with same-sex attractions. And we will be talking about the concept of tawbah and getting back to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and spiritual awakenings. So all these themes and other themes we will be discussing together, inshaAllah, in this episode and in the upcoming couple of episodes, where we try to present all of those spiritual themes in a very practical way, so as to make use of all of these concepts and implement them in our daily lives, inshaAllah. In this episode, we will be talking about the mercy and the love of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. But before we do all of that, we want to talk about darkness. This episode is dedicated to all my wonderful brothers and sisters who are in a very dark place, who are undergoing severe struggles, who may be suffering in silence, and who feel that there is no way out. This episode is dedicated to you.

3:44  
The themes of pain and confusion and darkness and suffocation are common themes to many of us. A lot of us have been through these phases, and others still go through them. Some of us revisit them from time to time. And sometimes it gets very severe and too dark, that one cannot seem to find a way out. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says in Surat An-Noor: "Or [they are] like darknesses within an unfathomable sea which is covered by waves, upon which are waves, over which are clouds - darknesses, some of them upon others. When one puts out his hand [therein], he can hardly see it" (24:40). So, darkness upon darkness, there seems to be no way out. It's too complex, too unrealistic, very painful. It feels like we're going from one darkness into another. Being in a deeply emotional state, in a state of turmoil, confusion and pain is very taxing on one's mind, right? That state is very taxing on one's mind and body and spirit. Dealing with a society that doesn't understand. Parents who pressure us to get married or "do this and do that". It's like we're always trying to deflect and pivot so as to avoid confrontation. Feeling less than, not worthy enough. Ashamed. Negative religious discourse that's all about "haraam!" and "kufr!" and all of that. All the while dealing with anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and even suicidal ideations and attempts. Too much pain from the past that seems to drag into the present and even the future. So many stories like this. All too familiar, right? In other words, a sense of despair, coming from a deeply rooted and agonizing awareness, that there's a cleft between what feels like our natural and authentic emotions and the life that we want to live as a result of that, on one hand, and the life that we want to pursue in order to live in accordance with our values and to be true to our Creator, subhanahu wa ta'ala, on the other. It feels like that, doesn't it? This constant feeling of being pulled in opposite directions from within, is not only excruciating, but potentially detrimental, even fatal, as it wears us down and exhausts us, until we've eventually reached the place that Allah delineates in those verses, namely a place characterized by what? "Darknesses within an unfathomable sea, which is covered by waves". And mind you, when darknesses have taken over our lives, we've also lost sight of all hope. Hence, this sort of fatalism that is unfolding itself, with all of its gruesome parts, leading to depression and hopelessness that feeds on itself. Recall the story of brother Sinan in episode six in the previous season, remember when he described his story, that it was darkness upon darkness feeding each other until he got to a point where he was suffocating. He wasn't able to breathe, and he had to break down. With everything we have been through, many of us feel so distant from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. So distant from His Word. There's a longing for Him. But there's also a lot of anger. "Why did You create me this way? Why did You put me through all of this? Why doesn't anyone understand? Why can't You take all of this away?" Dealing with this agony over a while takes its toll on us. Some of us choose to leave God altogether. I have met the most wonderful souls who have been through a lot of trauma and pain; on top of that, they had enough with the negative and broken religious rhetoric and discourse, that they just gave up completely. They would tell me, "it's just too darn painful. We are cornered. Our families and societies on one hand, the LGBT lobby on the other. And when we reach out to God, we hear the screaming voices of men calling upon His wrath and sending us all to hell. It is too darn painful." When people leave Islam as a result, or they leave God, because of all of the pain and the agony and the suffocation, is it that surprising? When they look around, and all they can see is darkness, toxicity and hate, would we be surprised why they give up eventually? It has been said that one's own parents are the initial representation of God to that particular child. Either they paint a loving and merciful picture of God through their own love and caring and attention, or they paint an angry and negative image of God through their harshness and abuse or neglect. And then come the siblings, if there are any siblings, and then the extended family, and later on one's peers and larger community, what we are exposed to, how we internalize and how we think about what happens around us, all of that plays a role. So everything is intertwined. If all that pain is brewing and being fueled constantly from different sources, sooner or later it comes to a breaking point. If you are at that point, or close to that point, my heart is with you. I have been there myself, and many of my brothers and sisters have been there. It is dark, it is excruciating. You feel like letting go for good. You want light amidst all of this darkness, a tiny candle light to give you some hope that there is something out there. Someone who understands, who is capable of loving you, soothing your pains and nurturing you. We crave that connection. That peace. That light. Allah says in Surat An-Noor, "Allah is the Light of the heavens and the earth. The example of His light is like a niche within which is a lamp, the lamp is within glass, the glass as if it were a pearly [white] star lit from [the oil of] a blessed olive tree, neither of the East nor of the West, whose oil would almost glow even if untouched by fire. Light upon light. Allah guides to His light whomever He wills. And Allah presents examples for the people, and Allah is Knowing of all things" (24:35). Our natural disposition, or our fitrah, is in harmony with its Creator. It's like a clean and shiny mirror. The pain we felt for so long, or may feel from time to time, it creates a dissonance against the state of peace this fitrah craves. The fitrah tries to reconnect. It craves that stillness and beauty of being with its Creator, subhanahu wa ta'ala, "The Light of the heavens and the earth". That shiny and clear mirror - with time, some of us accumulate dust on our mirrors. For others, it's a smudge. Layers upon layers. For some, even, the mirror itself is broken. Usually, what we hear more often than not is that sins do this to our fitrah and the state of our hearts, and that's true. But so do pain and trauma. Hate that we receive. Marginalization. Abuse. Shame. And so on. Darkness upon darkness, the light dims, and the turmoil never seems to end. "Allah is the Light of the heavens and the earth". He is the Light. Let that sink in for a while. Despite all the darkness, all the pain, all the confusion, and shame and guilt, and fear, and everything out there, He is your Light, your Guide, your Protector. For all of you listening to this episode at this particular moment, I don't know how you feel about this. I know some of you are very close to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, others here and there. Others may be very far but craving His closeness, while some might be so angry at Him at this particular moment. Many of us have been through all of that, in no particular order. The purpose behind this episode is to invite you to take some time and to try and see God in a different light. His Light. I'm not saying that this is the answer to all your psychological turmoil, and I'm not trying to impose the idea that religiosity is a means to overcome one's issues. In fact, these notions kept me and so many others away from Allah and His Deen for years. Getting proper support to reach a stable mental state, in addition to building one's spiritual connection with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is crucial. It depends on your own situation. But that's not what I'm talking about in this episode. I am inviting all of the listeners, wherever you may be in your life, whatever stage you are at, whatever you are dealing with, to feel His Light. To let go of the baggage for a tiny amount of time, and to see things through Him, subhanahu wa ta;ala, and to allow yourself that Light.

14:03  
In Surat Al-Ma'idah, Allah says, "[...] There has come to you from Allah a light and a clear Book. By which Allah guides those who pursue His pleasure to the ways of peace and brings them out from darknesses into the light, by His permission, and guides them to a straight path" (5:15-16). Notice the plural form of darknesses, thulumat, in Arabic. This connects back to the numerous layers of darkness mentioned at the beginning, right? "Darknesses upon darknesses". To get out of that, we need light. He is Light. From Him, there is Light. And His Book is a means for guidance. We opened the very first page of His Book, and it is all there in the very first Surah. Surat Al-Fatiha. Al-Fatiha is "The Opener", it inaugurates the Book of Allah, and it is that which opens the hearts as well. It is the core of our daily worship. It is obviously the most memorized and recited Surah in the Qur'an. It is filled with countless treasures that can serve as means for us to reconnect with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, and in doing so we overcome, or at least, we make peace with our trials and tribulations and struggles and challenges, even same-sex attractions. Let us explore a glimpse of this together.

15:37  
"Bismillaahir Rahmaanir Raheem"/"In the Name of Allah, The Entirely Merciful, The Always Merciful". We start off by reading this very beautiful and moving verse that just shows us the love He has for us, His mercy. It all starts with Divine love and mercy. Despite all the pain, there is love. There's mercy. Always. In His Name, we begin the Surah, this Book, and in His Name, we begin our journey, seeking peace and tranquility in Him. In the very first verse of His Book, He chose to describe Himself with two simple, yet incredible, words: the Entirely Merciful and the Always Merciful. Just imagine, He could have chosen any two words, but instead He highlights nothing but His mercy. Before anything else, God is Entirely Merciful, Always Merciful. But for many of us, that's not the very first thing that we think about when we imagine God, right? "Wasn't He the One who put me through all of this pain? Wasn't He the One who put me through all of this darkness? The One who gave me all of these struggles? The One who gave me SSA? I prayed so much for Him to take all of this, I "prayed the gay away", I prayed for Him to make me better, to heal me, but it didn't work. And look at all of those so-called Muslims and what they say and do in His Name..." And so on and so forth. The Entirely Merciful, the Always Merciful knows every single thing we have been through. The wisdom behind His plan for us unfolds. In time, in proper time, everything will come into place, and everything will make sense. Right now, we are trying to learn about Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. We are trying to learn who He really is, not what we have been led to believe about Him, by other people or our own misconceptions or trauma, due largely to the suffering we have endured and we continue to do. His knowledge, power, wisdom, love, and all of His qualities are like no other. He subhanahu wa ta'ala is not a ruthless or scary God. He is loving and caring. And by saying "In the Name of Allah", right at the beginning of this verse, we are actually saying, "We need these qualities of Allah to accomplish or achieve what we need", to be in a better state, to achieve that connection that we long for. So, in other words, I am invoking those two Names of Allah, Ar-Rahman and Ar-Rahim, and the quality of Allah, which is mercy, that I need to accomplish what I am going to do. So, from the very beginning, from the very first letter of His Book, He shows us that it is all through the reliance on Him. The very first verse starts with "In the", which means "through". And through whom? Through His Name. Through Him. Everything starts with Him. We cannot do anything without Him. So right there from the beginning, it's like a beautiful desperation and reliance on Him, subhanahu wa ta'ala. When we are lost, when we are in pain, we need to rely on someone, right? Here, He is telling us to rely on Him. To direct all our desperation towards Him. He is keeping us alive. He is taking care of us, even through the storms. No matter how difficult it is, He envelopes us with His care. He is in fact exceedingly loving, exceedingly caring, exceedingly merciful. And He is always going to be that way for us. This is at the core of who God is to us as Muslims. From the very beginning, there is nothing to show us anger, nothing to show us pain. Unlike many things we've heard out there, this is very calming, right? It's very soothing. Very merciful. This is a manifestation of His love, care and mercy. All from one statement at the very beginning of His Book. So let us begin, in the Name of God, the Entirely Merciful, the Always Merciful.

20:44  
"Alhamdu lillaahi Rabbil 'aalameen"/"All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds". Again, we hear that voice in our head, "Where did this come from? What does this have to do with me and my problems? How is this helping me? What the heck is this guy talking about? What is going on?" Yes, God knows that we have suffered. We have been hurt, and we are in pain even now. It is very easy to be in a constant state of negativity, especially if all of this heaviness is huge and overwhelming. It is very easy to forget the light and to focus on the darkness. But from the beginning, Allah is telling us that this is not the way to go. Despite all odds, He is telling us, since He knows already, that there are many things to be thankful for. There are many things to hope for. There is an abundance of light and hope, love and mercy. His light and hope and love and mercy. There has been much good in our lives as well. That was all, without exception, due to Him. He gave us a lot of good, along with our suffering. And we have never denied that, we just did not realize it was all from Him. He has been intimately involved in our lives, planning and executing every little detail. In Surat An-Nahl, Allah says, "And whatever you have of favor - it is from Allah” (16:53). There will always be countless things in our lives for which we are thankful, and Allah is to be praised for them. In Surat An-Nahl, again, Allah says, "And if you should count the favors of Allah, you could not enumerate them. Indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful” (16:18). Whether we realize it or not, there are always blessings, especially during the darkest moments. It is like Allah is inviting us to search for His blessings for which we ought to be grateful, and for which He is praiseworthy. What does Allah say? "All praise and thanks are due to Him." This is the meaning of the phrase "Alhamdulillah". He is the one behind every good thing that ever happens to you. He is the one behind every praiseworthy thing imaginable. Once again, whatever blessing you have, it is from Allah. So, He is, right from the beginning, infusing a sense of optimism in us, that this loving and merciful God deserves thanks and praise. So there must be light in the darkness. There is always light in the darkness. Amidst all the cloudiness in our minds and our lives, there is always light. There is always Him. So as we continue our journey, let us keep the full picture in mind. It is not just or merely that He is testing us with whatever we are going through in life, He has given us everything else as well. Right from the beginning, He is shaping our entire worldview. Our relationship with Him. An invitation to look at the glass half full. The light. The good. Then, in the same verse, He introduces Himself as what? "Rabbil 'aalameen" - Master, or Lord of the worlds, which immediately implies that we are His slaves. Now, "slaves" carries the connotation of oppression and lack of freedom, doesn't it? But don't forget, in the first verse, He subhanahu wa ta'ala mentions His mercy. So now the question is, how does this come together? He didn't introduce Himself as an oppressing and enslaving authority. He introduces Himself as what? The Most Gracious and the Most Merciful. The overwhelmingly loving and caring, and then He tells us, He is worthy of gratitude and praise. So there's kind of a liberation in knowing that. We are not slaves to other people, or our own temptations, or our pain and so on. No one is going to love me more than He subhanahu wa ta'ala. No one will provide for me other than He subhanahu wa ta'ala. No one will be there for me more than He subhanahu wa ta'ala. No one will ever be as merciful, kind, generous, loving and beautiful as He subhanahu wa ta'ala. That's what brings me to Him. Out of my love for Him. The admiration and the praise and the gratitude He Almighty deserves, I submit myself to Him. This relationship is all based on love and appreciation. The Master is drawing close to us and is inviting us to draw close to Him. It is as He subhanahu wa ta'ala states so beautifully in His Book, "And We have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him, and We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein" [50:16]. And that's in Surat Qaf. Hence, not only does He know me better than myself, He also knows what is best for me, and is determined to take me there if I chose Him above anything else. By choosing Him, I am choosing myself and what is best for me. And is that love confined to specific people? He says, "the worlds"/"Al-'aalameen", which includes all people, all nations, all backgrounds, colors, races, languages, and so on, all encompassing. His mercy and love are open to everyone. His gratitude is felt by everyone, no restrictions whatsoever. So it's like a universal declaration for all humanity and all of creation, and that is all from two verses so far, subhan Allah.

27:11  
"Ar-Rahmaanir-Raheem"/"The Entirely Merciful, The Always Merciful". So let us read that again, and this time ponder a little longer. The Entirely Merciful, the Always Merciful. What is the Entirely Merciful all about? And how is He always merciful? Our Lord's mercy encompasses all space, and that's what "Entirely Merciful" refers to, and it also encompasses all time, and that's what "Always Merciful" refers to. There isn't a place in the world or ever a time when He is not merciful. Ar-Rahmaan and Ar-Raheem, two words that sounds similar, but they have different meanings. Both words are derived from the term "Rahm", which, in Arabic, means "womb". A womb of a mother. Such a powerful image, right? A baby grows inside a mother's womb. The mother bears the long period of pregnancy, and afterwards goes through all sorts of trouble to take care of her baby. The baby, on the other hand, knows nothing of this, right? He or she is completely enveloped with this love and care provided by the mother. The baby grows up, and the mother's life becomes more and more difficult. There's more pain and more struggles. But all the mother does in return is to love and care for the child even more. In a hadith Qudsi, Allah says, "Allah says: I am the Merciful (Ar-Rahman), I created the womb (Ar-Rahm), and I derived its name from My Name.” So this reminds us of a Hadith of the Prophet (ﷺ) and a breast-feeding woman was among them. Whenever she found a child among the, which is narrated in Sahih Bukhari and Muslim, Umar ibn al-Khattab reported: Some prisoners of war were brought to the Prophet (ﷺ) and a breast-feeding woman was among them. Whenever she found a child among the prisoners, she would take it to her chest and nurse it. The Prophet said to us, “Do you think this woman would throw her child in the fire?” We said, “No, not if she was able to stop it.” The Prophet said, “Allah is more merciful to His servants than a mother is to her child.” Allah says in Surat Al-An'aam, “Your Lord has decreed upon Himself mercy” (6:54). The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "When Allah had finished His creation, He wrote over His Throne: 'My Mercy preceded My Anger'" and in another narration, “My Mercy prevails over my Wrath.” Allah says in Surat Al-Aa'raf, “My mercy encompasses all things” (7:156). His mercy encompasses us. We are not away from it. We are immersed in His mercy. There is always a chance to reconnect with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. This is also an important reminder for all Muslims dealing with our brothers and sisters, when they have sinned and wrong themselves, regardless of the nature of that sin, and even the ones involving same-sex encounters and acting out, or whatever, Allah's mercy encompasses all things. With pure and sincere tawba, our record is clear. Clean slate, fresh start. One of the beautiful hadiths that I love goes as follows: The Prophet (ﷺ) mentioned a man from the people of the past or those who preceded you. The Prophet (ﷺ) said a sentence meaning: Allah had given him wealth and children. When his death approached, he said to his sons, "What kind of father have I been to you?" They replied, "You have been a good father." He told them that he had not presented any good deed before Allah, and if Allah should get hold of him He would punish him.' "So look!" he added, "When I die, burn me, and when I turn into coal, crush me, and when there comes a windy day, scatter my ashes in the wind." The Prophet (ﷺ) added, "Then by Allah, he took a firm promise from his children to do so, and they did so. (They burnt him after his death) and threw his ashes on a windy day. Then Allah commanded to his ashes. "Be," and behold! He became a man standing! Allah said, "O My slave! What made you do what you did?" He replied, "For fear of You." Nothing saved him then but Allah's Mercy (So Allah forgave him). Notice the beautiful, beautiful mercy of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. In a hadith of the Prophet (ﷺ), he said “Allah has made mercy into one hundred parts. He kept with Himself ninety-nine parts and sent down one part to the earth, so because of the creation is merciful such that a horse raises its hoof over its child for fear of hurting it”. So the mercy that we have in this life, everything that we see around us, in terms of mercy in the world, between humans and animals and the entire universe, that is only 1% of His mercy! Can you imagine? In a beautiful, beautiful hadith qudsi, narrated by the Prophet (ﷺ), Allah says, “O My servants, I have forbidden oppression for Myself and have made it forbidden amongst you, so do not oppress one another. O My servants, all of you are astray except for those I have guided, so seek guidance of Me and I shall guide you, O My servants, all of you are hungry except for those I have fed, so seek food of Me and I shall feed you. O My servants, all of you are naked except for those I have clothed, so seek clothing of Me and I shall clothe you. O My servants, you sin by night and by day, and I forgive all sins, so seek forgiveness of Me and I shall forgive you. O My servants, you will not attain harming Me so as to harm Me, and will not attain benefitting Me so as to benefit Me. O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to be as pious as the most pious heart of any one man of you, that would not increase My kingdom in anything. O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to be as wicked as the most wicked heart of any one man of you, that would not decrease My kingdom in anything. O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to rise up in one place and make a request of Me, and were I to give everyone what he requested, that would not decrease what I have, any more that a needle decreases the sea if put into it. O My servants, it is but your deeds that I reckon up for you and then recompense you for, so let him who finds good, praise Allah, and let him who finds other than that, blame no one but himself.” All of this is just a glimpse of Allah's love and care and concern for us, a glimpse of His rahma, His mercy. And there are tons of verses and ahadeeth about the mercy of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Back to Surat Al-Fatiha: this is captured by two words here, Ar-Rahman and Ar-Raheem. Ar-Rahman, the incredibly, extremely and beyond imagination merciful, loving and caring. So this implies that His love and care are immense and they are immediate, there is no waiting for them. So as we struggle in this life and face all sorts of difficulty, we wonder where His mercy is, where His love and care are. We want them to exist and unravel themselves instantaneously, because the pain is too great. He, subhanahu wa ta'ala, put the word "Ar-Rahman" first, to let us know that it is coming, it is available immediately, it will not be held back from us. We do not have to wait for it. But it is not on our terms. It is not according to our own personal definitions. There is a much wider and more encompassing scope of what it means to show mercy and care and love, beyond our human capacity and imagination. In the upcoming episodes, inshaAllah, we will dissect these themes even further and share more relevant stories to this. Now, when we think about the future, it gets terrifying, right? But that's where the second word comes in, "Ar-Raheem", the One who is always loving, caring and merciful. Whenever we think there is a limit, or we can even imagine what Allah's mercy and care and love are, we realize that His mercy and care and love are limitless. They are beyond imagination. So the bottom line is, His mercy and love and care, they are all around us. They are available all the time. They will come to us and will fill us when we are in pain and turmoil and confusion, and He will never change. He will always be the most loving, caring, and merciful God. Our God.

36:30  
"Maaliki Yawmid-Deen"/"The Sovereign of the Day of Recompense". Once again, Al-Fatiha is the opener,  it is the core of our daily worship, and it is that which opens and inaugurate the Book of Allah, and that which opens the hearts as well. So Allah has introduced His love and mercy and caring to us over and over so far, but this is the first time that He declares His sovereignty. Why is that? So this verse establishes balance. He is Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim. But He is also the Owner of the Day of Judgment. He is the King of that Day. We are immediately reminded of that Day. So our life has a purpose. There is a next stage after all of this. And Who owns that Day? He, subhanahu wa ta'ala, owns that Day. Who is the King of that Day? It is He, subhanahu wa ta'ala. In this life, everything is His Kingdom. He owns every creature He created. On that Day, everything happening belongs to His dominion, and every human being is dealt with individually, every deed is accounted for. So this kind of sets things in proper perspective, right? He loves us. He cares for us. He shows limitless mercy. But at the same time, there is an Afterlife to think about. There is a Day of Recompense. There is a Day where everything will be balanced out. He owns that Day. So the very same, Entirely Merciful, Always Merciful One will be the Sovereign Judge on the Day when all wrongs will be corrected, all debts will be paid, and all questions will be answered, all mysteries will be solved, and all unaddressed sorrows and pains will be compensated for far beyond what is due. And it's also the Day where we will have to answer for everything we have done in this life. All will be judged by the All Merciful and none will be wronged. As Allah says in Surat Fussilat, "Verily your Lord does no injustice unto His servants" (41:46). A beautiful saying by one of the tabi'un of the tabi'un, Sufian Al-Thawri, may Allah be pleased with him, he said, "I would rather have Allah judge me on the Day of Judgment than my parents, because Allah would be more merciful towards me than my own parents". Subhan Allah. So all of the pain and the loneliness and the shame and the confusion and the trauma, He, subhan Allah, knows it far more intimately than we ourselves do. Everything is recorded, and everything will be accounted for. The All Merciful is also All Just. With all the hardships and ups and downs in life, we remind ourselves that there will be a Day of Recompense, and the Sovereign on that Day is the One who knows everything we're going through in this moment. His love and His rewards and His justice are far more, over and beyond all of this. We also remind ourselves of when we will be raised and will be standing before our Creator. We will recall that this life is nothing more than "a day or some part of a day". It is only a short while, and our real lives are yet to come. There is also an invitation in this verse to be close to Him and to strive for that. If we want to win His love, care and mercy for good, and not just in this life - which is promised for everyone - we have to work to achieve His everlasting love, care and mercy beyond this life. So this is an invitation to be focused: focus on what matters at the end, focus on when it will all make a difference. Who are we doing this for? Him. We are not going to lose hope in His mercy and love, but we are not going to be oblivious to His Day, when all of our deeds will be accounted for. And that is the basis of a healthy relationship with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

40:45  
"Iyyaaka na'budu wa lyyaaka nasta'een"/"It is You we worship and You we ask for help". When God becomes a true and genuine reality in our lives, we feel His presence. He is present with us, all the time and everywhere, and He lets us know it. The believer is truly aware of God's presence, and would not prefer anything or anyone above that. Even the people and the resources He subhanahu wa ta'ala gives us in our lives, these are all gifts from him subhanahu wa ta'ala. So again, "It is You we worship and You we ask for help". So as you notice, this verse comes in the middle of the Surah, and there's a huge transition happening now. Before this verse, everything was related to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. All praise and gratitude belongs to Allah, the Master of all people and nations, the incredibly Loving, Caring and Merciful, the King and the Owner of the Day of Judgment. But in this verse, the focus changes. We are the ones doing the talking now. We are saying that we are ready to become Your slaves. We willingly choose to. We are ready to worship You. This is Allah's way of showing us that there is no choice but to engage Him in conversation. We do not just talk about Him and praise Him, we talk TO Him, you see? And what is beautiful here is that it shows us the joint venture. The process is not done in solitude, "It is You WE worship", WE as a group, not a single person who does the action, we do that together. We cannot truly understand the meaning of servitude to Him, if we do not belong to a community, and we come together and engage in this declaration. So it all came as a voluntary choice from us. It's a beautiful transition. All His beautiful Attributes moved us, they compelled us and they brought this decision from our very core to worship Him and to be true to Him. This is our fitrah, in line with its Creator. No force or harshness were involved. It's all voluntary. Only a free flow. A natural sequence, a logical stream. You see, when we look at it this way, the logical next step is to submit to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. But when our hearts are filled with so much pain, and so much anger towards Him with all sorts of preconceived notions, it is difficult to submit. The mirror needs cleansing, and we cleanse it with what? With love and support and understanding. We declare ourselves slaves to allow ready to worship Him. We enslave our will to Him. We have given ourselves up before You. You decide what is best for us, we do not even know how to do things. That is why we beg Allah, we are in desperate need of Your help. We cannot even fulfill this declaration we have just made without Your help. I have been oblivious to You all of this time, I am ready to make my commitment to You, but I cannot do it on my own. We are all going to just come and beg You for help, in order to be able to do the work that we are supposed to do for You. There is something very interesting here. Notice how the verse is arranged like this: we are going to do something for Allah, so we will worship You, and then we ask Him to do something for us, to provide his help, as our prayer to Him suggests. The flow now has become the opposite of what was there before in the previous verses as you see, where, before He was, He has been giving and giving, now as humans we realize that we, in turn, should do something with respect to Him. So we enslave ourselves for Him voluntarily, we show Him some effort. And now, we are in a position to ask for His help. But His help in what? We do not specify what this helps for, right? Because we need Him in every conceivable way and in every matter in our lives. And He is readily available for us. We just need to put in the effort, to worship Him alone, and to implore Him alone for all our needs. If we do not feel it, we ask Him to make us feel it. If we do not believe it, we ask Him to make us believe it. If we are falling short on our end, we ask Him to forgive us and to give us strength. We may fail over and over again, but He never fails or gets tired of putting us back on our feet, each time with more strength and encouragement. Why? Because He loves us. In a hadith Qudsi, the Prophet (ﷺ), “Allah the Almighty said: O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it.”

46:25  
"Ihdinas-Siraatal-Mustaqeem"/"Guide us to the Straight Path". So this comes following the two declarations we made to Allah Almighty in the previous verse. We ask Him for guidance, and it is a natural progression of our request for help. The ultimate help is guidance in this world. And it is not just guidance for us alone, it is guidance for everyone. "Guide US to the straight path". We are concerned about people around us: our parents, family members, our community and humanity at large - not just our own well being, we are also concerned about fellow brothers and sisters experiencing SSA as well. So, guide us to what? To the Straight Path. It is hard to get to, but once you find it, it is straight ahead, no twists, no turns, it is clear, no confusion. If we veer off the path, it is not because it is a confusing path; it is because we get pulled in the wrong direction. And it is a wide road, which also goes back to the theme of communal work and responsibility. Now "Siraat" means path, and it implies a straight path. "Al-Mustaqeem" also means straight, but it also has another meaning. "Mustaqeem" comes from "qama" in Arabic which means straight up. So we are going on a road that heads upwards. This implies that we are leaving things behind. We are living our lowly habits, our materialism, our selfishness, things that keep us low, and we are shedding things that are keeping us from moving forward: many of our wants and desires and issues, we are moving upwards, and doing that will always be challenged by gravity, which pulls us downwards. So there is always a thrust forward from us, in other words, we initiate movement and we move forward. But there's also a pull downwards beyond us, which is gravity, in a sense, these are the shackles of this Dunya. "Mustaqeem" is also related to "istiqama" which means steadfastness and uprightness. So in a sense, we are asking Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to make us more steadfast and upright in our struggles. And when it relates to our struggle with SSA, we ask Him to make us more steadfast and upright in our struggle with this. This life therefore is a struggle. Heading towards Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, but we are constantly dealing with pressures and temptations in this world. Many things will try to suck us back, like desires and temptations and addictions and habits and people and media and what have you. So it is not a flat or a downhill road. It is an upwards road, to Him subhanahu wa ta'ala. And our plea in this verse is a request to be on a specific road, which implies moving and traveling, even though we have not reached the destination yet. Being on a road implies that people are going to be in different spots along this road, different speeds along this road, and that is all okay. The ultimate goal is eventually to reach the final destination along this road. It is fine if some of us are still behind, some of us are in the middle, some slower or faster than others, as long as we are on the path itself and we are moving in the right direction. And that just goes to show that we have it differently in this life. For some, a single step is a huge milestone. For others, it is a bit easier. But we all have our fair share of trials anyway. So comparing ourselves to others is not valid, is it? So this applies to us in the larger scheme of things, or macrocosmically, as they say. But it also applies to us when it comes to our path and dealing with SSA - so on a microcosmic level, it applies to our path dealing with SSA, some will be in advanced stages in their lives when it comes to SSA, others will still be in their earlier stages. Some will move forward quickly, others will take time. That is fine. Again, what matters is that we are on this road, and we are moving in a specific direction. So how does everything here, how does all of this relate to me as an individual experiencing SSA? When it comes to our spiritual states and connection to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, we may be at different stages. Some of us may have lost faith, never had it or are barely holding on to it, and desperately seeking answers. The usual statement that we hear, "it is a test that you must bear with patience", sometimes does not suffice, and may, in fact, be causing more harm than good. We need support. We need love. We need guidance. We need righteous people to help point us in the right direction. And more importantly, we need Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Again, we will cover more, inshaAllah, in the episodes to come, and this episode is just a start. Others may already be committed to the Divine Path, and we have knowledge to different degrees. We have our ups and downs, and we keep on praying for guidance along the Straight Path. We need help along the way. We have many questions. So again, Allah say, "Ihdina"/"guide US". So it's a communal effort. This path is not meant to be walked alone. So, first and foremost, we need Him to show us the way and keep us steadfast, we pray to Him, subhanahu wa ta'ala, there is always a chance that we sin, and we keep on sinning and we lose heart and we give up. That's why, without His support and guidance, no amount of knowledge or human support can help us. He is our foundation. He is our rock and refuge. This is basically what "As-Samad" means in Surat Al-Ikhlas, and Surat Al-Ikhlas is at the opposite end of the Qur'an from Surat Al-Fatiha, it's the third to last Surah, and the Prophet (ﷺ) described it as being equivalent to one third of the Quran. In this Surah, Allah says, "Say, "He is Allah, [who is] One, Allah, the Eternal Refuge (As-Samad), He neither begets nor is born, Nor is there to Him any equivalent”" (112:1-4). He is As-Samad, our Eternal Refuge.

53:19  
"Siraatal-lazeena an'amta 'alaihim ghayril-maghdoobi 'alaihim wa lad-daaalleen"/"The Path of those upon whom You have bestowed favor, not of those who have evoked anger, or of those who are astray". This verse is the second reference to the Path. In the previous verse, we understood the nature of the Path: it is straight, wide and pointing upwards. In this verse, previous passengers along this Path are described for us. Some of these passengers made it along the Path until the end. They were successful in traveling this Path in this life. Those were the ones He has bestowed His favor upon, subhanahu wa ta'ala. And this goes back to our plea, we need His help. Even if He shows us this road, it is not enough. We need His mercy and support to be able to traverse it completely, because it is easy to slip and to go in a whole different direction. There are so many forces acting against us. We know it is a difficult path, but it is completely worth it. So we ask Him, subhanahu wa ta'ala, to help us stay on that path and make it all the way through, inshaAllah. Had He not facilitated it for those before us, they would not have made it. So we acknowledge that we need to put in the effort, but at the same time, we need to completely rely and depend on Him. The ones we look up to are the ones who already passed the Road. They are in the past. Of course, there are people on the Road at the present moment, but there is no guarantee where they will end up in the future, right? The only guaranteed people are the ones who have already traversed the road and succeeded, as Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala mentions. And their qualities and examples are all mentioned in the Quran, we will cover a glimpse of those in the episodes to come, inshaAllah. In this verse we are introduced to three paths: the Straight Path mentioned in the previous verse, and that continues in this verse, and there is the path of people who deserve that anger should be directed towards them, and the third one is the path of those lost or astray. For those who deserve that anger should be directed towards them, they are those who go along the wrong road, fully knowing the difference between the right and the wrong roads, but they end up going along the wrong one on purpose anyway. So we ask Allah for refuge from being among those people who know what is right and what is wrong, but end up doing the wrong thing anyway. The third road is the road of those lost or astray. Some lost people are genuinely looking around but cannot find their way. Others are offered guidance, but they choose to forsake that guidance, because they do not want to be held responsible when and if they know what is right and wrong. They would rather remain lost and not know at all, under the false impression that "ignorance is bliss". So our invocation here involves seeking refuge in Him from both kinds of lost people, to help us find guidance and not be left hanging, and to make us firm and accept the guidance that comes to us. Hence, our plea involves getting on the Road that leads upwards, and that He makes it easy to stay on track and reach the Ultimate Destination. So this is a profound conclusion to a profound Surah. We invoke His Names and Qualities to help us start, stay on and reach the Destination, through the Straight Path. Again for us, people experiencing same-sex attractions in particular, it is extremely difficult going through this alone. We need support. When we say, "It is You WE worship". Again, "WE" as a group, not a single person who does the action, we do it together. We cannot truly understand the meaning of servitude to Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, if we do not belong to a community, and we come together, and we engage in this declaration in unison with others. And that also involves us, people who struggle with SSA, we cannot do this alone. We don't have to either. There are tons of people like us out there. Together, we can make a difference for ourselves and for other people. And another important message here is for the Ummah at large when dealing with Muslims struggling with SSA, namely to stop ostracizing and alienating their fellow Muslim brothers and sisters who have been given this tremendous trial, but rather to actually embrace and support and encourage and empower them, when they have sinned in particular, and they have repented and they are now in need of the help of their community. It's a communal effort. And this verse shows us that no Muslim is supposed to be walking this path alone. On the contrary, every Muslim is entitled to the help of his or her Muslim brothers and sisters. It should go without saying that this is also true of Muslims facing SSA.

58:32  
So in this episode, we went through Surat Al-Fatiha, and we have seen a glimpse of the mercy and the love and the compassion and the caring that Allah has for us. The reason I wanted to start the series of spiritual episodes with talking about darkness and talking about light, talking about Surat Al-Fatiha, is to actually look at Allah as He describes Himself, "Ar-Rahman Ar-Raheem", to try and just let go of all of that baggage we have been carrying, just for a little while, and to see Him through Him. To let go of all of these preconceived notions and all of those thoughts, and the baggage that we have been carrying, particularly the ones that relate to Him, because of all of the traumas and all the pains and all the confusions, and all the negative religious discourse that we have read, because of other people, what they said and what they did... Let go of that, just for a little while, and just think about His mercy, and think about His own words and how He describes Himself. This is an invitation to try and cleanse that mirror and to reconnect with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, to know Him through Him, to fall in love with Him all over again. Allah says, in Surat Al-Baqarah, "And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me - indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided” (2:186). He is always there, always close to us. Some want to reconnect, but they don't know how. They're too tired or too drained. One way to do this is to start with Thikr, remembrance of Allah, invoking His names and feeling Him. Saying His Names over and over again. Calling upon Him until He answers by clearing our mirrors and cleansing our hearts, after which He reconnects with us. Remember in episode six when Sinan shared with us his story, this is what happened to him. Remember when he described his own "guardian angel", the man who helped him, he gave him a nightly prescription to always go to sleep at night with the remembrance of the Supreme Name, Allah, on his tongue, while being in a state of wudu' (ablution). As Sinan described it, he said he was locked. His mirror was "drenched in filthy mud", he couldn't pray and he lost track of what he describes as his greatest blessing of all time, which was his intimate relationship with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. So his "guardian angel" saw that the only way to reestablish that connection was to try and purify Sinan's heart with Thikr. So that's a start. We call on to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala with His Names. And in this Surah, we started off by calling onto Him with His Names, Ar-Rahman Ar-Raheem. So let's start together now. Of His 99 Names, we remember together, in Surat Al-Hashr, Allah says, “He is Allah, other than whom there is no deity, Al-Malik (the Sovereign), Al-Quddous (the Pure, the Sacred), As-Salam (the Perfection, the Giver of Peace, the Ever-Tranquil), Al-Mu'min (the Bestower of Faith, the Granter of Security, the All-Assurer), Al-Muhaymin (the Overseer, the Guardian over All), Al-Aziz (the Exalted in Might), Al-Jabbar (the Compeller, the Omnipotent, the Supreme Power), Al-Mutakabbir (the Superior, the Supreme, the Justly Proud). Exalted is Allah above whatever they associate with Him” (59:23). And Allah says in Surat Luqman, “Indeed, Allah is Al-Latif (the Subtle, Gentle and Kind) and Al-Khabir (the Acquainted, the All-Aware, the Ever-Adept)” (31:16). He says in Surat Al-Burooj, “And He is the Al-Ghafur (the Forgiving, the Oft-Forgiving), Al-Wadud (the Ever-Affectionate, the One Who Tenders and Warms Hearts)” (85:14). So again, "And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me - indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided” (2:186).

1:03:40  
And with this, we have come to the end of today's episode, I would like to end this episode together with a du'aa. "We declare ourselves as servants to Allah ready to worship Him. We enslave our will to Him - we have given ourselves up to You, Allah. You decide what's best for us. We don't even know how to do things. That's why we beseech Allah -  we are in desperate need of Your help, we can't even fulfill this declaration we have just made without Your help. We’ve been oblivious to You all this time. We’re ready to make our commitment to You, but we can't do it on our own. We're all going to just come and beg You for help, in order to be able to do the work that we're supposed to do for You. And You know how our lives are more difficult than many others’. You know how we got it a tad extra. Nevertheless, we completely believe in Your Wisdom. Your Mercy. Your Reason behind all of this. "Ihdinas-Siraatal-Mustaqeem", guide us to the Straight and Righteous Path and keep us steadfast until the Day we meet you, ya Allah. Ameen ya Rabb Al-'Alameen. Thank you for listening to today's episode. As always, you can listen to us on our website awaybeyondtherainbow.buzzsprout.com and on your favorite podcast apps. And I would love to hear from you, you can email me anytime on awaybeyondtherainbow@gmail.com. I look forward to talking to you next Friday at the same time, inshaAllah, to continue with our spiritual topics. In the next episode, my dear friend Aadam, whom you've known from season one, when we talked about self-love and compassion and vulnerability, he is going to be joining me again next week to talk about trials and tribulations and hardships, the wisdoms behind all of them, and the beauty that comes with all of that. Until next Friday, have a wonderful week ahead, stay safe and healthy, and we look forward to talking to you soon, inshaAllah. This has been Waheed Jensen in "A Way Beyond the Rainbow", assalamu alaikom wa rahmatullahi ta'ala wa barakatuh.