Confidence vs. Competence | How Women Leaders Can Own Both

Leadership isn’t just about what you can do. It's also about how you show up. Too often, women leaders feel the tension between being competent and being confident. Lean too far into competence, and you risk being overlooked. Lean too far into confidence, and you risk being dismissed as arrogant.

In this episode, we’ll explore how to integrate both:

• Why competence is the foundation, but not enough on its own
• How confidence acts as the amplifier that makes your skills visible
• The common traps leaders fall into like the “invisible expert” or the “confident pretender”
• Practical steps to strengthen both competence and confidence in daily leadership
• How mentors and sponsors can help you step fully into your leadership potential

The goal isn’t to choose between confidence or competence. It’s to own both, and lead with presence, credibility, and impact.

Transcript

Today’s conversation is one that hits home for so many women in leadership: confidence versus competence.

We all know leaders who are incredibly competent, brilliant at what they do, but they struggle to project confidence. And we’ve also all seen the opposite—leaders who radiate confidence but don’t actually have the depth of competence to back it up.

The real power comes when you own both. And that’s exactly what we’re going to talk about today:

• Why confidence and competence often feel like they’re at odds.
• How cultural expectations, especially for women, play into this tension.
• Why owning both is non-negotiable for leadership that lasts.
• And practical strategies to build competence and project confidence—without faking either.

By the end of this episode, you’ll walk away knowing how to lead in a way that is grounded in your skill and amplified by your presence.

Segment 1: The Tension Between Confidence and Competence

Let’s start by naming the tension.

So many leaders—especially women—have been told that if they just “work hard and do a good job,” their competence will speak for itself. But here’s the reality: competence is essential, but it isn’t enough.

Leadership isn’t just about what you can do. It’s about whether others believe you can do it. And that’s where confidence comes in.

On the flip side, we’ve all seen the dangers of overconfidence without competence. Leaders who look the part but can’t deliver. It’s frustrating. It’s damaging. And it erodes trust.

So the goal isn’t choosing one or the other. The goal is integration—bringing your competence and your confidence into alignment so they reinforce each other.

Segment 2: Why This Struggle is Bigger for Women

Now, let’s talk about why this challenge often feels heavier for women in leadership.

Culturally, women are often rewarded for humility, for being team players, for supporting others. Those are beautiful qualities—but when overextended, they can create a hesitancy to step into confidence.

Research shows that women will often apply for jobs only when they meet 100 percent of the qualifications, while men apply when they meet about 60 percent. That doesn’t mean men are more competent. It means they’re often more willing to project confidence even when they’re still growing.

For women, the bar is often higher. If you’re confident, you risk being labeled arrogant. If you’re humble, you risk being overlooked. It’s a double bind.

But here’s the truth: owning both competence and confidence isn’t about fitting into a stereotype. It’s about breaking the mold entirely.

Segment 3: Competence as the Foundation

Let’s talk first about competence.

Competence is your foundation. It’s your skills, your experience, your expertise. It’s the work you’ve put in to actually be good at what you do. Without it, confidence is hollow.

Building competence doesn’t mean knowing everything. It means being committed to learning, to growth, to mastery in your area.

Ask yourself:

• Where do I already have deep expertise?
• Where do I need to keep sharpening my skills?
• Who can I learn from to close the gaps?

Competence is what earns you the seat at the table. But confidence is what helps you speak up once you’re there.

Segment 4: Confidence as the Amplifier

Now, let’s look at confidence.

Confidence is the amplifier. It’s what allows people to actually see your competence. Without it, your skills remain hidden.

Confidence isn’t arrogance. It isn’t pretending to know everything. It’s rooted in trust—trust in your preparation, trust in your ability to figure things out, and trust in your resilience even if you don’t get it perfect the first time.

It shows up in how you carry yourself. The way you enter a room. The way you speak in meetings. The way you handle challenges without spiraling.

Here’s the key: competence gives you the substance. Confidence gives you the presence. You need both.

Segment 5: Common Traps

There are three traps I see leaders fall into:

1. The Invisible Expert.
   This is the leader who is highly competent but hesitant to share ideas or take credit. They hide in perfectionism, waiting until everything is flawless before speaking up.
2. The Confident Pretender.
   This leader projects charisma and assurance, but doesn’t have the depth to back it up. Eventually, trust crumbles.
3. The Over-Compensator.
   This leader overprepares, overworks, and overexplains because they don’t trust their own competence. They drown themselves in effort instead of leading with clarity.

Which of these do you tend to lean toward? Naming the trap is the first step toward breaking it.

Segment 6: Building Competence and Confidence Together

So how do you bring these two into alignment?

Here are some practical strategies:

1. Track your wins.
Keep a record of accomplishments, successful projects, and moments of impact. Confidence grows when you remember the evidence of your competence.

2. Practice micro-bravery.
Confidence isn’t built in one big leap. It’s built in small moments—raising your hand in a meeting, speaking up with an idea, asking for the stretch assignment.

3. Get feedback.
Competence sharpens through feedback. Confidence grows when you hear the truth about your strengths.

4. Learn the power of posture and voice.
How you show up physically communicates confidence before you even say a word. Stand tall, breathe deeply, slow down your speech.

5. Reframe mistakes.
Competent leaders don’t avoid mistakes—they learn from them. Confidence grows when you know a setback isn’t the end of the story.

Segment 7: The Role of Mentors and Sponsors

Another powerful way to own both confidence and competence is through mentors and sponsors.

A mentor helps you grow your competence—they share wisdom, skills, and experience.

A sponsor amplifies your confidence—they speak your name in rooms you’re not in, advocate for you, and help others see your potential.

Every leader needs both. Who is sharpening your competence? And who is amplifying your confidence?

Segment 8: A Personal Story

Let me share a quick story from my own journey.

There was a time I was leading a major project, and I knew I had the skills to manage it. But every meeting, I found myself hesitating to speak first. I’d let others dominate the conversation, even though I had solid ideas.

One day, after a meeting, a colleague pulled me aside and said, “You’re one of the most prepared people in this room, but no one can see it because you’re not speaking up. Don’t hide your competence.”

That was a turning point. I realized my competence was strong—but my lack of visible confidence was burying it. From that day, I made a commitment: I would speak once in every meeting, even if it felt uncomfortable.

Over time, those small steps built not just my confidence, but my reputation. People started to recognize both my skill and my presence.

Segment 9: Integrating Confidence and Competence

Here’s the big idea I want you to take away:

Competence without confidence is invisible.
 Confidence without competence is unsustainable.
 But when you integrate the two—you become unstoppable.

Owning both doesn’t mean being perfect. It means showing up prepared, grounded, and willing to grow, while also projecting the assurance that you can figure it out along the way.

Segment 10: Call to Action & Wrap-Up

So here’s my challenge for you this week:

Pick one small action to grow your competence, and one small action to grow your confidence.

Maybe the competence step is reading a book in your field, taking a course, or asking for feedback.
 Maybe the confidence step is speaking up in that meeting, practicing your posture, or sharing a win with your team.

Leadership is not about choosing between confidence or competence. It’s about owning both.

Because here’s the truth: you are more prepared, more capable, and more equipped than your inner critic wants you to believe. And when you show up with both substance and presence—you don’t just lead. You inspire.

Thanks for joining me today. If this episode spoke to you, share it with a fellow leader who needs the reminder. And if you’re ready to go deeper, connect with me for coaching, resources, or to join our leadership community.

Until next time—lead well, live well, and own your competence and your confidence.