Whether we like it or not, we are all susceptible to co-dependency - the need to control another person in our life.
In this podcast, we offer the following insights on the various aspects of co-dependency, especially important when addressing what happens in families who are experiencing addiction at home.
Signs of a sick relationship
I highly recommend the book by Melodie Beatty called Co-dependent No More which she has updated to reflect her experiences in the field over the last twenty-plus years.
Some of my views are shaped by her teaching and many more come from my experiences with addicts, alcoholics and their families.
When things at home have become really bad, when the addiction runs through the house like a freight train, the family cocoons itself out of self-protection. What I mean by this is the individual members adopt an attitude which is called "don't talk, don't trust, don't feel" as a means of numbing themselves against the insanity and horror happening at home.
Even when things have not yet become desperately bad, family members exhibit secrecy, resentment, erratic and hurtful behaviour, blaming, and active denial. All the relationships in the family, including the relationships between spouses or between a parent and child, become poisoned by the disease.
The issue here is one of awareness. If the family members (or at least one of them) are not aware that they are in the grip of the family disease called addiction and/or alcoholism, then they will spiral down to an eventual breakdown or breakup. Unfortunately, denial steps in to perpetuate the disease, to keep the family in the dark.
That is how this thing works. Sick relationships are just symptoms of a much deeper problem. Without realising it, the family slowly but surely comes under the influence of the disorder, because the disease wants nothing more than to feed and sustain itself and cares not at all about who it hurts.
In that case, even love itself is powerless unless and until someone in the family wakes up and realises that help from outside is desperately needed.
Whether we like it or not, we are all susceptible to co-dependency - the need to control another person in our life.
In this podcast, we offer the following insights on the various aspects of co-dependency, especially important when addressing what happens in families who are experiencing addiction at home.
Signs of a sick relationship
I highly recommend the book by Melodie Beatty called Co-dependent No More which she has updated to reflect her experiences in the field over the last twenty-plus years.
Some of my views are shaped by her teaching and many more come from my experiences with addicts, alcoholics and their families.
When things at home have become really bad, when the addiction runs through the house like a freight train, the family cocoons itself out of self-protection. What I mean by this is the individual members adopt an attitude which is called "don't talk, don't trust, don't feel" as a means of numbing themselves against the insanity and horror happening at home.
Even when things have not yet become desperately bad, family members exhibit secrecy, resentment, erratic and hurtful behaviour, blaming, and active denial. All the relationships in the family, including the relationships between spouses or between a parent and child, become poisoned by the disease.
The issue here is one of awareness. If the family members (or at least one of them) are not aware that they are in the grip of the family disease called addiction and/or alcoholism, then they will spiral down to an eventual breakdown or breakup. Unfortunately, denial steps in to perpetuate the disease, to keep the family in the dark.
That is how this thing works. Sick relationships are just symptoms of a much deeper problem. Without realising it, the family slowly but surely comes under the influence of the disorder, because the disease wants nothing more than to feed and sustain itself and cares not at all about who it hurts.
In that case, even love itself is powerless unless and until someone in the family wakes up and realises that help from outside is desperately needed.