You would be amazed at the negative self-talk I hear when the family of a drug abuser or alcoholic starts answering pointed questions.
“Do you feel as if “this” is your fault?” Most say that they feel at least partly to blame “if only…” which suggests that they believed that they had any control over the trajectory of the disease, that if they had done “something” they might have saved their precious son.
Little did they know then that addiction is so slick, their son might have been a drug abuser for years before he could hide it no longer.
Denial is such a powerful force that both the addict and the family are in the same fog until a bright light shines into it and exposes the truth for what it is. Addiction as a family disease.
One common element is that of self-loathing. The “parents” hate themselves and feel shame that their child is now labelled an addict, and that comes from ignorance that addiction is “just” a disease and not a moral failing. The addict is tortured by feelings of low self-worth and shame that he has fallen down the social ladder, often because he’s no longer employed or employable.
Friends his age now have a career and families going while he skulks about looking for his next hit.
While he suffers from depression and OCD – Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, his family suffers from guilt and shame and cannot imagine being nice to themselves, never mind each other.
This is where self-love comes in. Just when it is needed the most. This is where persistent self-compassion comes in. It is to be found in a community of like-minded people, usually, in a fellowship like Al-Anon where people are taught to start loving themselves again after they have imposed brutal punishment upon themselves for not being able to fix their loved one. As if they could.
You would be amazed at the negative self-talk I hear when the family of a drug abuser or alcoholic starts answering pointed questions.
“Do you feel as if “this” is your fault?” Most say that they feel at least partly to blame “if only…” which suggests that they believed that they had any control over the trajectory of the disease, that if they had done “something” they might have saved their precious son.
Little did they know then that addiction is so slick, their son might have been a drug abuser for years before he could hide it no longer.
Denial is such a powerful force that both the addict and the family are in the same fog until a bright light shines into it and exposes the truth for what it is. Addiction as a family disease.
One common element is that of self-loathing. The “parents” hate themselves and feel shame that their child is now labelled an addict, and that comes from ignorance that addiction is “just” a disease and not a moral failing. The addict is tortured by feelings of low self-worth and shame that he has fallen down the social ladder, often because he’s no longer employed or employable.
Friends his age now have a career and families going while he skulks about looking for his next hit.
While he suffers from depression and OCD – Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, his family suffers from guilt and shame and cannot imagine being nice to themselves, never mind each other.
This is where self-love comes in. Just when it is needed the most. This is where persistent self-compassion comes in. It is to be found in a community of like-minded people, usually, in a fellowship like Al-Anon where people are taught to start loving themselves again after they have imposed brutal punishment upon themselves for not being able to fix their loved one. As if they could.