A well-known actress, comedienne and TV producer was once asked what made the essential difference in her highly successful life. For those old enough to remember Lucille Ball, she answered as follows:
“All my young life, I was told I was a no-good show-off. My self-esteem hovered just above zero, until I was told by a good friend that my first job was to learn to love myself first and everything else would follow.
I had to overcome the toxic shame that was imposed upon me by others and learn that I was a person who was lovable by others and above all, by me myself.
I had to care for myself as If I were caring for my dearest friend. Then when I showed myself the same love that I would show my dearest friend, I was filled with Love and became able to love others, to trust them, to give of myself with no thought of return. My love became unconditional. So, no matter what, I could love you even though I might find what you did was terrible. “
So that’s the problem with those who love an addict or alcoholic. They, the caregivers, have developed self-hatred because of their inability to control or “fix” their addicted loved one.
They have yet to appreciate the value of self-compassion, perhaps have lost their own identity in the co-dependency of the relationship, so there is no one there to love.
Addiction is known as a family disease because addictive disorder causes addictive behaviour on the part of everyone in the family.
A well-known actress, comedienne and TV producer was once asked what made the essential difference in her highly successful life. For those old enough to remember Lucille Ball, she answered as follows:
“All my young life, I was told I was a no-good show-off. My self-esteem hovered just above zero, until I was told by a good friend that my first job was to learn to love myself first and everything else would follow.
I had to overcome the toxic shame that was imposed upon me by others and learn that I was a person who was lovable by others and above all, by me myself.
I had to care for myself as If I were caring for my dearest friend. Then when I showed myself the same love that I would show my dearest friend, I was filled with Love and became able to love others, to trust them, to give of myself with no thought of return. My love became unconditional. So, no matter what, I could love you even though I might find what you did was terrible. “
So that’s the problem with those who love an addict or alcoholic. They, the caregivers, have developed self-hatred because of their inability to control or “fix” their addicted loved one.
They have yet to appreciate the value of self-compassion, perhaps have lost their own identity in the co-dependency of the relationship, so there is no one there to love.
Addiction is known as a family disease because addictive disorder causes addictive behaviour on the part of everyone in the family.