132: Singleness Doesn't Limit Me with Christine Kindberg

Author of the novel The Means That Make Us Strangers, Christine Kindberg joins Chelsea 6:30 minutes in to talk about the upside of singleness because, believe it or not, there is one. The catch is, the upside is a mindset that has to be cultivated and a trajectory that has to be pursued. For Christine, this pursuit began in her early twenties when she realized she didn't want to be in a holding pattern where she was sitting on her hands and just waiting for a partner to come along for life to begin. What she needed to do instead, she discovered, was find significant things to invest in that were independent of whether a romantic partner was in her life or not. Fast forward, and Christine has now found herself humoring her married friends when recounting a string of crazy and horrendous first dates, running marathons and taking flight to places like Chile for 2 1/2 months to research her next great novel—a passion and purpose that she may not have prioritized had she been tethered to an ill-fitting partner whose own direction she was agreeing to. Gems to look out for:+ how a fiction writer explores their own life questions through their characters+ how married friends can shine a light on the lies we easily buy into as single people, like the classic tale of, if-only I was in a relationship, I wouldn't feel this way+ loneliness doesn't necessarily mean you're in the wrong relationship+ the benefit of evaluating your feelings from a wider context rather than holding on to them as truth tellers+ the tendency to address discomfort within romantic relationships and let it it slide within friendships+ how to elevate yourself from the comparison culture + the people whose life you want, want elements of your life too+ how our friend's romantic relationships can trigger FOMO+ the fear of being left behind by friends as they marry and advance through life stages at a different rate as us+ how can you honor your singleness before it's too late+ filling the gap of free time that a significant other once filled with something that is life giving like by running or writing+ how can you redirect your energy off a person and onto becoming more of your own person+ one of the hardest questions that awaits us as we cross over into the single territory: "what do I do with myself now that I am no one else's?"+ the positive aspects of being "tied down" or in a committed relationship is that someone is limiting your life and therein providing direction—how can this help or harm you?+ the challenge and yet life-long fulfillment of being single and discovering your own direction+ how choosiness and dating more wisely is a natural consequence to developing a sense of self and direction+ the temptation to date someone may often be tied up in the desperation to use the them to fill the hole of singleness+ if a relationship doesn't lead to anything long lasting, how can we make it still worthwhile?__To connect with Christine, visit her:Website: https://www.christinekindberg.comPurchase her novel, The Means That Make Us Strangers, on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Means-That-Make-Us-Strangers/dp/1797761358/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/Christine.Kindberg/Facebook: http://facebook.com/Christine.Kindberg.AuthorTwitter: https://twitter.com/christinekndbrg__Work with Chelsea: www.breakupward.com/shopChelsea’s website: www.breakupward.comSign up for Chelsea’s newsletter: bit.ly/tyhbletterInstagram: www.instagram.com/thankyouheartbreakConnect and send in your questions and/or letters viawww.instagram.com/thankyouheartbreakOr by email: Chelsea@breakupward.com