21 || How to Thrive as an INTROVERTED Homeschool Mom

The reality of homeschooling for an introverted mom, or just being a mom in general, with so many needs, so many sounds, so many behaviors to help regulate, so many emotions, so much touching, and being pulled in a million directions can be EXCRUCIATINGLY HARD on the hardest days if I’m being honest.  Needing time alone to recharge as a mom, especially a homeschool mom where you are with your kids usually 24/7, can be a recipe for anxiety and depression.  However, it doesn’t have to be that way.  I’ve gone through seasons of overwhelm adapting to motherhood and being home with my kids since our first child was born 9 years ago, but as someone who thrives off creating solutions to all of life’s difficulties, I want to share my top 10 tips for homeschooling as an introverted mom with you today!

I pray this episode blessed you!
- Sarah

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Transcript

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I'm not one to sugarcoat things. I'm not one to paint this picture that motherhood or homeschooling is this angelic thing. And maybe it is for some people, but the reality is I'm an introverted mom. And I know so many introverted moms out there who are drawn to homeschool, who are homeschooling, and it can be really, really hard. Just being a mom in general as an introvert can be really hard. There are so many needs needing to be met all at the same time. So many sounds, so many behaviors that you're trying to help regulate, so many emotions happening at once, so much touching all the time and being pulled in a million directions. It can be excruciatingly hard on the hardest days if I'm being honest. And I am honest. I don't want people to think that homeschooling as an introverted mom is this perfect idyllic thing. There are definitely idyllic days and it can get easier, but it can be really hard. And I'm sure you can relate to that if you are an introverted mom. It can be hard if you're extroverted, but just being introverted, there's a lot of sensitivities that we have, and that can just be really hard when you're surrounded by little people all day. Needing time alone to recharge as a mom, especially as a homeschool mom where your kids are with you usually 24 hours a day, seven days a week, can be a recipe for anxiety and depression. However, it doesn't have to be that way. There is a bright light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not just here to like say how hard it can be. This podcast episode is dedicated to sharing 10 of my tips that are tried and true for me, and I think can really help other introverted homeschool moms out there. I've gone through so many seasons of overwhelm and learning to adapt to motherhood and being home with my kids. I've been home with them since day one, working from home as a daycare provider, and now being a homeschool mom. And it has been really hard, but it's really helped me learn so many creative solutions that really work for me to help me balance everything and not get super overwhelmed all the time. And so I thought I would share 10 of my favorite introverted homeschool mom tips with you today. Glue. It's messy, it's sticky, it gets everywhere, but it's also really useful, just like the glue we need as homeschool moms to glue our chaotic, beautiful, and wonderfully messy days together with our children. I'm Sarah, homeschooling mom of three daughters, who is passionate about helping fellow homeschooling moms create intentional moments that act as glue, bringing entire families together. I create family-style resources for my business that can help act as the glue for your family, but I also share lots of ideas and encouragement here on this podcast. Whether you struggle with time management, overwhelm, or just exhaustion from all the hats you wear as a homeschool mom, I've got lots of simple ideas that can bring you from uninspired and tired to intentional and prepared. This homeschool life is a unique one that only fellow homeschool moms truly understand. I hope each episode leaves you inspired and ready to create a few moments to help glue your family together. Thanks for listening. Let's jump into it. Okay, so we're talking introverted mom homeschool tips. If you are an extroverted mom, maybe these will still work for you. I'm sure you still get overwhelmed at times. I'm sure you have your own sensitivities. Um, being a mom, being a homeschool mom, there are hard days, there are hard seasons, there are triggers we all have. So maybe these will work for you as well. I just know as an introvert myself, um, these are things that have all worked for me. The first one is one I actually did a whole podcast episode about last time. So if you didn't listen to that one, go back and listen to that after this one. And it's all about establishing a quiet time. I'm not gonna go into it in a ton of detail because I have a whole episode about it, but quiet time for us is probably my number one sanity saver as an introverted mom. It allows me to have some zen in the middle of the day. It's good for all people in our family because we all have a time to focus on our own needs, our own desires, rest for some kids, um, playing, doing crafts and stuff for other kids. And for me, it's a time to work, to get things done, and to just have some quiet in the middle of the day. If you're able to fit in quiet time as a homeschooling mom, I highly recommend it. Even if it's half an hour, even if it's 10 minutes a day, like just starting out. It's better than nothing. And just having that in the middle of the day, first of all, it gives you something to look forward to. If you're getting overwhelmed in the morning, like if you get to lunch and you're like, I need a break, you're gonna get a little break. Um, it gives it just like a nice natural break in the day before a busy afternoon, a busy evening. You can knock off some things on your to-do list, which I know can be really hard with kids around. Um, there are so many benefits to this. You can use it as a time to get things done, but you could also use it as a time to fill up your cup, take a shower, read a book, watch a show. Um, depending on the age of your kids, you could go for a walk if they're older and they can stay home. Um, call a friend if that's something that will fill up your cup that day. Sit outside, like listen to the birds. There are so many things you can do. If cleaning or organizing is something that can help replenish you, you can do that during this time. For me, I get a lot of work done, which allows me to stay home in homeschool. But whatever works for you, it's just a wonderful thing. I have been doing basically since I became a mom. I did daycare for 10 for five years to 10 kids, 10 hours a day, five days a week, and we definitely had quiet time and it was essential. And we've just kept going with it, and it's been just crucial to our homeschool journey and me being an introverted mom and not getting super overwhelmed. And I really say no to a lot of things to make this happen because I know it's so important. And there are days, of course, where this doesn't happen, where we skip my littlest daughter's nap, we go do things, and I promise you, at the end of those days, we are all stressed out and tired. Um, it's usually worth it because we're doing something fun. But if that was our everyday, I know I would get really burnt out, and so would my kids, because at least one of my kids is introverted and needs that too. And chances are you probably have an introverted kid as well. So this can really help for everybody in your family. Another tip is to have a hard quote unquote in-bed time for your kids. Have a boundary around that. Now, obviously, all of these things are gonna depend on what ages your kids are, the reality of your situation. This is just something that's worked well for us the last nine years and has helped for our, you know, our mental health, our stress levels, and things like that. So all of my kids are in bed by 8 p.m. most weeknights. Most, you know, there are exceptions to the rule, but as my kids grow older, obviously they'll be staying up later. But you can adapt this. It could be a in-bed rule. Maybe they are in their room rule, maybe it's not in bed, but they're gonna hang out in their room after a certain time. Maybe it's a leave mom alone after this time if they're older. And obviously, like, I feel like I need to preface this. Of course, if you have a teen and that's their talk time and that's when you connect with them, you can restructure this. Maybe this won't work for you in that season, but in a lot of seasons, this can work really well. For us, um, you know, our younger ones are usually in bed by 7:30 most nights, and our oldest goes to bed around eight. Do they have to go to sleep at that time? No, but they're in bed. They're listening to the Yodos. My oldest is reading a book in bed, but usually they're pretty tired, especially in the warmer months when we've been playing outside all day. And this just allows me and my husband to have some time alone at the end of the day, to shower alone, not have anybody needing us, to read a book, to watch a show, to get some stuff done, whatever it may be, but just to have that time. Most days where we can like just not be needed is really, really helpful. Obviously, we've had newborn phases and things like that, but in general, this is what we work towards. And we have cuddle time with them, we pray, we watch, we look at our time hop with them, each of them individually before bed, um, and have that connection time. So they're still getting that, but then we are able to give to ourselves a little bit, and this just really, really, really helps so much if you're able to make it work. Um, another tip I have is a very practical tip, and that is to make a plan for your triggers. I've actually done this where I have been in seasons where there were behaviors that were really bothering me, like each of my kids had something else they were doing, and it was really triggering me to be very angry and um not respond in a way that I want to respond. And so I actually sat down, got my journal out, and I wrote down each of those things that was really triggering me over and over every day. And then I came up with a plan for what I would do about it. Often we're just trying to get through the day and we're just letting things happen and we're responding as they happen, and we don't often take that time to step back and say, okay, did I respond the way I want to respond? This keeps happening, and this is how I'm responding. What could I do differently to help this situation? And so, just as an example, um, my kids have all gone through seasons of lots of different behaviors, but I have one child who from one year old was has been a very loud child. She just gets very excited and has a very loud voice, um, which we joke she gets from Nana, because Nana has a very my mom has a very loud voice, and she just gets so excited and she's very screechy and kind of screamy. And it's not like she's having a tantrum or anything, she's just very loud in her play all day, every day. Um, and it can be very triggering to someone who has sensitivity around noise, which both my husband and I have. And so um it also is hard because her screams if she's hurt or if she's excited sound the exact same. So it's hard to know. You know, we've read the Boy Who Cried Woof book a lot, um, trying to help her. And we've tried lots of different things to help her, and in general, it's gotten better over time as she's gotten older, but in general, you know, it's just something we've had to deal with. It's just who she is and something that we've had to deal with as parents because obviously we don't want to be yelling at her every time she's loud because it's often, and we don't want to be like spanking her every time or doing things that are detrimental to our relationship. And so we've had to come up with a plan, which differs as she's gotten older, um, of what to do in that situation. So that's an example of a trigger. Um, and then what we decided to do with that is she gets one warning if it's really getting to us, and then after that warning, she has to go play in her room and calm down for a little bit. It's just trying to help her see like it's okay to be loud, but it's also really upsetting to people around you when you screech. Um, and obviously as she gets older, it it's gotten better, but that's just an example. Um, there are so many different types of triggers you might have. Maybe it's your kids touching you all the time. Um, maybe it's meltdowns by your toddler, which are very normal and age-appropriate, developmentally appropriate, and maybe you're not handling it well. So, what can you do in that situation to help yourself? Because our kids are all gonna have things. Like living with people, you're gonna be triggered by things. And it's our job as parents to regulate our own emotions. And obviously, there'll be times when we don't do the best job of that, but writing out a list of like what your triggers are and what you can do to help not be so triggered and to de-escalescalate those situations can be really helpful. I also want to recommend a book um called Triggers. It's triggers exchanging parents angry reactions for gentle biblical responses. It's by Amber Leah and Wendy Speak. I read that last year, and it really, really helped me reframe behaviors and reframe my triggers and kind of think of different ways to handle them. And a lot of um triggers trigger thoughts in us, and they're not good thoughts. And so if you can retrain your thoughts, like when for the example I gave of my child being very loud, I could be like, Oh, it's so annoying. Why is she so loud? Or instead, I could be like, Wow, she has so much enthusiasm for life. Yes, it's hurting my ears, but it's you know, that response is a lot different than a very angry response or like a negative look at your child. Um, because most things they do, they're learning, they're not trying to trigger you usually, and so the way you look at it can really make a big impact. Another tip is to allow yourself to have quote unquote me time around your kids. So some of these tips are having time when your kids are napping or having time when your kids go to bed. But I think it's also good to fit in me time around your kids for many reasons. First of all, that may be all you have available. Maybe your kids don't nap, maybe quiet time won't work for you, maybe your kids stay up late, they are having trouble falling asleep, they're little, whatever. And so you don't have that time when they're asleep. And so you need to have that when they're awake. Um, that's one reason. Another reason I just think it's good for our kids to see that we aren't, um they are the center of our world, but they're not the center of the world. So mom's not always paying 100% undevoted, undivided attention to kids. Like it's okay to be reading your Bible while your kids are drawing next to you. It's okay to take a phone call while your kids are doing something around you. I think it's really good for kids to see that you're not always 100% committed to their every need all the time as they get older, obviously. So um, this could be, you know, reading your Bible in front of them, praying in front of them. It could be listening to a podcast while you clean, while they're in the other room. It could be reading a book while they're outside playing. Um there are lots of ways to do the things that fill you up, do the things you need to do around your kids. And as they get older, it's easier. The more you do this, the easier it is. I have um all three of mine were very um clingy, I guess you could say, when they were littler and it was really hard to do stuff like that. But the more I've made it a priority to read outside when they're playing and things like that, the more they see me doing that, the more they learn that they don't need my attention every single second of the day. And that's good for them. It's good for them to learn that, and it's good for us to be able to take that time even while we're around them. Another tip is to prioritize time away. Now, obviously, everyone's situation is different. Not everyone has this ability, not everybody has babysitters and things like that. So if this isn't something that's um possible for you right now or maybe ever, that's okay. It's just one of many tips. So for us, um, as much as I am an introvert, time with other adults who I love does bring me energy if I'm not doing it all the time. And it's especially brings me energy when I'm around little kids all the time. I never realized how much I really needed that until I became a mom. And when I had our first daughter, I didn't do this. Like I had her with me all the time. I felt guilty ever being away from her. I couldn't understand why people would like go on dates without their kids and things like that at first because she was my everything and I never I didn't want to miss a single moment. But as she got older and I had more kids, I realized how important it is to have that time away, to get some time to just kind of refresh, to talk to people without being interrupted, talk to people without my kids needing me for things, and just reconnect with the people that I love, my husband, my friends, my family, things like that. It's just so important if you're able to do it. Um, even if it's just a phone call, that's okay too. Um, but I I definitely think this is important to prioritize. Now, I don't mean you're doing it every week, you're doing it every day, but when you're able to definitely prioritize that time. Don't always say no. Um, I am an introvert, so I get the pull to say no to these things, but um, it can really be very life-giving to connect with other moms, to connect with friends, to connect with your husband. And um, introverts still are social beings and we need time with other people, even if um in general we get energy from being alone. Also, I would recommend you establish routines for things that affect your energy and your peace. So, what I mean by this, as an introvert, um for me, I you know, I have a lot of sensitivities. Everybody's gonna be a little bit different, but I am very affected by my environment and it it can easily drain me. Being in a very loud environment, being in a very cluttered or visually stimulating environment, it can drain my energy. Um, and so being home can drain our energy if our home is something that um plays on our sensitivities in that way. So, for example, for me, I try to decorate in ways that are not super loud and bold, even though that can be really fun. It's draining to my energy. I also don't play a lot of music and have a lot of things going because my kids are loud enough and I have enough thoughts going in my head at all times, and so having music and things on all the time as well really can overstimulate me and drain me and become a trigger in and of itself. The same thing with clutter. I am very affected by random things everywhere. So obviously, being a mom, that can be really hard because no matter how much stuff you have, kids get stuff everywhere. And until they're older and you've trained them, that's gonna be a constant battle, and it is. And so try to fit in whatever you may have your own things, those are just mine I'm sharing, but whatever in your home can affect your energy and peace, create routines and boundaries around those things. So, for example, tidying is very important to me. Do I love cleaning? No, but tidying and organizing are very important to me because they help they just bring me to a peaceful place when our home is organized and tidy, and when it's not, I get very stressed out. And so we tend, we try to tidy up every room before we move on to the next room. We're not perfect at it, but that's the goal. Um, we have chore time every day where my kids empty the dishwasher, put the dishes away. Um, I usually put some laundry away. We do a quick tidy of the places we didn't get tidy earlier in the day, and that just helps kind of bring our house back to a baseline before a busy afternoon and evening. Um, before we head inside at the end of the night, when we're playing outside, we tidy the backyard. That really helps my sanity. So the next day I don't go out and like get stressed out because everything is everywhere. Um, we use a sweeper vac to sweep the floors after every meal. And this routine just helps keep it tidy and clean. We always do the dishes after every meal. We don't wait to do them because that stresses me out. And then also, like I vacuum a couple times a week minimum. I mop on the weekends, things like that, um, just as the baseline to keep our home overall clean and tidy. And then obviously, I declutter a lot whenever I'm able so that we're getting rid of stuff that we don't use, we're not letting it pile up. Um, and I try to be really conscious about what we bring in so we're not bringing in stuff that I have to deal with that can just become clutter later on. Another tip I have, if you're able to, I find as an introverted mom, it helps me so much to get up before my kids. I find when I wake up to my kids, it's very stressful for me. Um, just being needed right away the second I wake up is just I don't like that feeling. And obviously there are days where that happens, but in general, the last nine years when I'm able to, when I don't have like a brand new newborn, I'm not pregnant, and things like that, I try to get up before my kids, even if it's just 20 minutes to get ready before my kids. But in general, I try to wake up before them. I typically, in a perfect scenario, I get up at 4 a.m., I do some work, I read the Bible, I pray. Um, you know, I used to like read a chapter of a nonfiction book. I have done lots of different things during this time, but it's just a great way to get your In a peaceful place, give to yourself before you start giving to everybody else. And I absolutely love doing this when I'm able to. And it just, I don't know. When I don't do this, I'm not as good of a mom as I am when I do have the time to do this. And so I highly encourage it if you're able to. And even if you're not, even if you're not able to get up like an hour before them and exercise and all those things, I find getting ready at the start of my day before my kids are up or before the day really starts helps me so much. I used to, you know, on the weekends, I would wait to get ready, and I just found it being like stressful, it being stressful to get ready, taking longer than it would. And I just love being prepared for whatever the day will bring right away. So even if that's just brushing your teeth and putting, you know, putting your hair up or whatever for the day, getting dressed, making your bed, whatever it is, I tend to put a little bit of makeup on. And if I'm able to do my hair, great. Depends on what I'm doing that day. But I want to be ready for whatever the day has to bring. So I want to be ready to run to Target if I need to run a target. Or if a friend is like, I want to stop by and do you have time? I want to be able to say yes without feeling like, oh, I gotta go get clothes on or I gotta go brush my teeth or whatever it is. Um, I want to be ready for whatever the day brings. It just makes me feel a lot better to be put together, ready for my kids, ready for whatever the day may bring, and not have to do that later on because I just find it really hard to fit in later on. And I just like to do it at the start of the day. Um, another tip is to plan for times to have no plans. Um, what I mean by this is I, you know, I don't know, not every introvert is a good planner, but I tend to be very good at time management and I love having a plan and planning out my days. And I find when I look at my planner and every day that week has something written down, or the weekend has like three things written down every day, I tend to get pretty overwhelmed. Even if they're all amazing things that I love, seeing friends, seeing family, going to do fun things as a family. Even if it's filled with good things, it still overwhelms me. And that doesn't mean we don't have days like that, we don't have weekends or weeks like that. It just means that I know if I see that in my calendar, that I need to plan some time to have no plans around those days. So let's say we have a super busy week. If I'm able to that weekend, I will plan to do nothing on Saturday. Does that mean we'll do nothing? No, it just means I we can use it for whatever we want, and I don't have to feel like it's another day with all these commitments, which I really find helpful to have that space. Um, so I like to plan days, weekends, whatever, where we don't have plans when I see that the calendar is filling up. Um this is great with homeschooling because you make your own schedule. And so if you have a super busy weekend, you can say, Monday, we're not doing anything. We're not doing school. Maybe we'll take some time to clean or whatever it is that's gonna help you feel better. And you can push school to the side for times when you need to and you can have no plans that day. Um, it's okay to also say no to things during really busy seasons or anytime, but especially during really busy seasons where you're at a point of like, I am very overwhelmed. It's okay to say no to certain things because it would be better to be your best self at something and not regret it and not feel resentful of whatever event it is. It's better to go and feel good about going or not go at all if you're gonna feel bad about it. So it's okay to say no to things, it's okay to have times where you have nothing planned. It's really healthy, it's really good to have that and to not have every second of every day full. Even if you're an extrovert, it's good to have some margin and some blank space in your day. My last tip is to accept that you're introverted and stop comparing yourself. And I'm speaking to myself here. I have spent so many years as a mom feeling FOMO, the fear of missing out, for not doing all the extracurriculars with my kids, not going and doing all of the fun events and things that everybody else seems to be doing, and not cramming my calendar full with things. I have friends who are more extroverted. I have friends online who are, from my perspective, constantly going and doing, and it looks so fun. And I often am like, man, why don't I do that? We should do that with our kids. And then when I try to do that, I end up getting so stressed out, and I'm not a good mom, and I resent those things when we do too many of them. And so I've come to terms with the fact that this is who I am, this is how God made me. There are benefits to being an introvert. It's not a bad thing, you know. Um, he made us differently, but all in his image. And so there has to be some goodness in that that we are made to need time of quietness, of solitude to have energy. And that's not a bad thing. Um, there are benefits to that. And so we need to come to terms with the fact that that is who we are. Um, it's probably not going to change, especially when you have kids, and to make your life work to your benefit, to fit in those things when you have time, when it feels good, and to say no to those things at other times. Like if you have a newborn and you're trying to do a business or run a job or whatever, work at your job and your homeschooling, and like you have church commitments, and then you also want to like go to play group every other day or whatever, like that may be too much in that season. There may be seasons where it'll work better. Um, but you really have to be mindful of your own energy because we are the ones in our family guiding our kids. We are the ones setting the tone for our home. And if we're super stressed and overwhelmed, none of those fun things are going to feel fun. They're gonna feel like something you're forcing yourself to do, and it's really not gonna benefit your kids. Um, it is okay to live a slow lifestyle at home mostly and just fit in a few fun things here and there. That is still a beautiful childhood, that's still a beautiful life. Um, and I think, especially in today's day and age, people go and do a lot more than they ever did in history. Like reading the Laura Angles Wilder books really helped me feel better about how much we stay home because compared to them, we don't stay home hardly at all compared to the pioneer days. And so they could live a full, beautiful life then, and we can too, and we don't have to be going and doing the next best thing all the time. Um, and that's okay, and that's good too. God made each of us in his image and unique, and there is beauty to being introverted. We need to embrace that, make our lives work to our benefit, and be the best moms we can be. And we can only be the best moms we can be if we're being realistic about our own needs and what we need as introverted moms. So I hope this was helpful. Um, if you are an introverted homeschool mom, I hope at least one of these tips maybe made you think of something new you can try or something to aspire to. Um, I'm sure you have your own tips. So I would love to hear them DM me on Instagram and maybe I'll do a follow-up um episode to this and share some of your own ideas because there are so many. But I wish you all the best luck and all of the happy times with your kids and happy homeschooling this summer, um, whether you are doing school at home or just learning through play and learning through fun adventures. I hope this episode helped and I pray that you have a very peaceful and happy summer with your kids. Happy homeschooling. I will talk to you next time. Thank you for stopping by my little cozy home here on the internet. I pray this podcast episode blessed your life and helped encourage you. I would appreciate so much if you would leave a rating and review, and why not share this episode with a friend while you're at it? Make sure you follow me over on Instagram at homeschoolglue for lots of other intentional motherhood and homeschool tips and encouragement and some funny memes in there. And as always, happy homeschooling. I'll talk to you soon. Have a good day.