003 || The Real Reason Your Homeschool Still Feels Chaotic — 3 Types of Overwhelm Every Mom Should Know

Have you ever tried to fix your homeschool (new planner, new curriculum, new schedule) and wondered why nothing is actually changing? There’s a good reason for that. You might be solving the wrong problem.

In this episode Sarah breaks down the three types of homeschool overwhelm — volume, decision, and emotional — and why the solution to each one looks completely different. Most moms are treating the wrong type, which is why the same fixes keep not working. Once you can name which one you’re actually dealing with, everything gets a lot clearer.

This episode also includes a real-life example of subtraction in action — what Sarah dropped from her own homeschool this week and why, plus practical starting points for each type of overwhelm.

Links:

•        Free Starter Glue-Print PDF

•        Shop all resources

•        Follow on Instagram

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Today, we're naming something that I think is going to make a lot of things click for you, especially after episode one and two. We will be talking about the three different types of overwhelm that you may have or be experiencing in your homeschool and life in general, and why the solution to each of these different types looks completely different. Glue. It's messy, it's sticky, it gets everywhere. But without it, nothing holds. Homeschool life can feel messy too. We have the loud days, the mental overload, so many moving parts. But we don't need is more curriculum or more pressure to do it all. We need something that holds. Simple systems, steady rhythms, the kind of structure that makes homeschooling easier instead of heavier. Hi, I'm Sarah, a homeschool mom of four, and this is the Homeschool Glue Podcast. Each week we have an honest conversation about real homeschool life and the simple systems that help overwhelmed homeschool moms clear the mental clutter, build rhythms that actually stick, and create the peaceful lives we are all craving. If you're tired of carrying everything and getting nowhere, you are in the right place. Grab that load of laundry and let's get started. Last week I promised that we would get into the different types of overwhelm, and that's exactly what we're going to do today. If you're just joining me, welcome. I'm so glad you're here. I'd really encourage you to go back and start with episodes one and two because today builds directly on what we covered in those two episodes. Episode one introduced the idea of the hidden curriculum, which is the atmosphere that's running your home, whether you planned for it or not. Episode two made a distinction, I think, that is one of the most important ones we can make as homeschool moms. And that is the difference between being bad at homeschooling and being overwhelmed by it. And those two things have completely different causes and completely different solutions. So if you haven't listened to either of those episodes, I would recommend you go back and do that now. Today we're going deeper, we're going into the whole idea of overwhelm and how it's not just one thing. I'm sure if you've looked, see that there are lots of different types of ways we can be overwhelmed. Now, before I get into those, I just want to apologize for my voice. I have been under the weather for about a week and a half, and I've wanted to batch record a couple episodes, and I just haven't been able to. And today is like the first day that you can actually like I can talk without having a major coughing fit. So I apologize if I don't sound quite as good as normal. Maybe I sound better. Maybe I have like that sultry, I don't know, radio voice. Now I don't really know. But either way, um that's what's going on with me. But hopefully you can still get a lot out of this episode. Um, and just know I'm a real human who gets sick and life happens and we have to make do. And really that's kind of everything I'm talking about today, is just different types of overwhelm. Obviously, it's overwhelming to be sick and all of your plans go down the drain, but um, because I have systems and rhythms, as I'll get into in future episodes, I am able to roll with the punches a lot better than I would if I didn't have those in place. So, anyway, into today's episode, we are talking all about different types of overwhelm and how these different types show up in different ways and how different types of things help. So, one type of overwhelm cannot be treated the same as another because they're just coming from totally different stressors in our lives. And so that's what we're talking about today. We're gonna name the three different types, um, talk about what each one looks like, and I want to give you something practical that you can do for each one, depending on what you're struggling with in the moment, or hold on to these and save these for time when you are experiencing overwhelm because it's bound to come. Um, and that's really the heart of my podcast is that um homeschooling is portrayed as such a beautiful, majestic thing, and it definitely is, and I want that for all of us. However, we are still real people dealing with real lives, and those lives can get really messy and chaotic. Sometimes we walk through really hard seasons, and I don't want you to feel like you're failing just because life is hard right now. Um, and I want to give you tools and systems and rhythms that you can implement now, um, whether life is hard right now or not, you can implement them whatever you're going through. Uh, it's easier to implement them, obviously, when life is going well, and they will help you and sustain you when life is hard, but you can definitely make changes even in the midst of hard times. And a lot of these have come from me walking through hard times. And so um you're not broken, you're not wrong if you're overwhelmed. That happens. That's a very normal response when life gets hard. But um there are things we can do about them depending on what type of overwhelm you are dealing with. So let's get into it. The very first type of overwhelm that um when I'm categorizing them, I think of is volume overwhelm. And this is pretty straightforward. Um, and it shows up right there in your planner. You can kind of look at your planner and be like, okay, yeah, I have a volume overwhelm overwhelm problem. Volume overwhelm is simply just having or doing too much, too many subjects every single day, too many activities, too many commitments. You look at what you've planned for the week and you already know before Monday even starts that there is no way you're finishing it. Maybe that's because uh your energy just isn't there. Maybe it's because you're an introvert and that's just too much for an introvert. Maybe it's that your kids are in, um, you know, your kids are in a more difficult season. Maybe you have a kid who just was diagnosed with something, or um you have a toddler, or you're pregnant, and you just it's too much for the season of life that you're in. So this is the mom who has scheduled eight subjects a day for three kids, signed everyone up for co-op and two sports and a music class, and then wonders by Wednesday why she feels like she's been hit by a truck, because it's just too much. And um, I think this is very, very common in today's world because um more than ever we're just busy, busy, busy. We do more and more and more. We want our kids to get as much as they possibly can out of their childhood, and sometimes that means we kind of overdo it without even realizing it, and we come to a point where we're just really overwhelmed by the volume of it all. And I want to say something that might ruffle some feathers, but I really do say it with love. Adding more is almost never the answer. And I know in today's world that's like so countercultural, we want more, more, more. Like that's just the hustle culture, the gotta have everything right now, um, instant gratification culture that we live in, but it's not healthy for us. It's really not. And I know a lot of us go into homeschooling thinking simple, slow, and relaxed and find themselves in a place of more, more, more without even wanting that, without the intention behind it. And our intentions are actually really good because we're thinking about all of the richness it can add, but we maybe don't think about what the cost is that like we're not living that simple, slow life that we all um often aspire to when we choose the homeschool route. Adding more can often feel like the answer in the moment. Um, when we look around at other people's homeschools or we see something beautiful, like, oh, I want to add this subject. This would be so beautiful. Maybe it's a poetry study, a nature journal, a new science curriculum. And I'm not saying any of these are bad, but this is what sometimes happens is that we see that and we think, yes, that's what's missing. That's what my homeschool is missing. And so we add it and then we add something else, and then we add something else, and none of it's fulfilling um what we're actually looking for, and then we end up with this really chaotic, overwhelmed homeschool and life, and nothing feels good, and now none of our subjects are beautiful because we're stressed out. So, the question I really want to ask if this is something that really resonates with you that maybe you've added too much, um, the question is not what else can I add? But I want you to start thinking about what I can take off our table right now. And I know that's not fun, and I know that feels like a letdown in the moment, but it's going to benefit you in the long run. It's going to make your homeschool more peaceful. It's going to make your other subjects come alive because you're not just trying to check off a box. So start with what is a non-negotiable in our homeschool? What does your family actually have to do this year? And I know we're coming to like the end of the school year for most of us. I have honestly, because of my sickness and I can't read aloud. This week we took off uh reading Trial and Triumph and we took off Parables from Nature. And I said, you know what? Even if my voice comes back, if this is stressing me out, we may just save these for next year because uh that's a couple books I picked from Amblesite Online, and I'm not following their schedule anyway for it. So I can do it whenever it works for us, and it'll be okay because my kids really want to be outside right now. We live in Minnesota and it's finally getting nice out. And I'd much rather be outside than like, no, we have to read this book. And now mom's angry and mom's getting all, you know, bent out of shape and she's stressed out because she has decided she has to finish this book when she really doesn't. And now, like, what's the point of that? Why don't we just start it again in the fall or read it little bits here and there when we have a little bit extra time? That's a lot more peaceful than trying to fit it in just because I've decided that we have to do that and more is better because it's not being outside, I think, is better than finishing a book just for the sake of finishing it. And my kids probably won't be as present reading it and getting much out of it if they'd much rather be outside and we hit the core subjects and the other books that I have picked, and we can hold off on those and do those in the winter next year when we have a lot more time inside. So ask yourself, you know, what does your family actually have to do this year? What are the things that if you only did those things, you would feel like your kids were truly being educated and your family was still functioning? That's where you want to start. And then every other subject you need and all the extras, the extracurriculars, the enrichment, the co-ops, all of the things. I'm not saying get rid of all of them. I'm just saying ask, does this fit right now in the season we're in? The actual season, you know, spring, um, or just the season of life we're in and so when you signed up for everything. Maybe you've had a baby, or maybe you have a kid who got sick, or maybe things in life just piled on you. So ask yourself, does this actually fit my life right now? Or am I just trying to say yes to everything good? Because even too much of a good thing is not a good thing anymore. You can't say yes to everything good and still have a life that feels good. And I know that doesn't feel like the way it should be, but it's just true. Too much of a good thing. It's not actually a good thing. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for your family is to protect the margin for all of you and each of you individually by saying no, even to things that are genuinely wonderful. So if you're dealing with a volume overwhelm problem, the fix is subtraction. Not a new planner, not a better schedule, just a little bit less, at least for right now in this season. The second type of overwhelm is decision overwhelm. Now, this can sometimes feel like volume overwhelm, but this is more of like too much volume in your head. So uh decision overwhelm is often sneakier because it doesn't look like overwhelm from the outside, it just looks like exhaustion. So decision overwhelm is what happens when you are making too many choices every single day. What should we do today? What subject do we skip? What should I make for dinner? Do we do laundry today or tomorrow? Which kid needs to bathe and when? Is this Instagram account someone I should follow? Is this curriculum worth buying? Should I save this blog post blog post? Yada yada yada. Um, every one of those is a very small decision, some bigger than others, obviously. And we only have a limited capacity for decision making in a day before we start to feel burnt out. Um, because that even small decisions still require brain power. And so the more brain power we use solving these little problems and making these little decisions, the less we have for the things that really truly matter, the bigger things, and the less capacity we have for things like being kind to our kids and being patient and helping our kids through tough emotions and things like that. And so our bank of energy gets depleted very quickly when we make all of these tiny little decisions all the time. So we get irritable, we feel paralyzed. Like I just don't want to have to make any more decisions. Like if somebody asks me one more question, I'm gonna lose it. Um, we make worse choices of the decisions we do make, or we just avoid choices altogether. And neither of those are good answers for this, obviously. They're not good outcomes. I think this is one of the main reasons why homeschool moms feel like they're constantly treading water, even when they're not doing all that much on paper. Like if you were comparing your life to someone else's, you may be like, I don't feel like I'm doing a whole lot, but I am so burnt out because of all these decisions. And obviously, caring for your kids all day and homeschooling is a humongous job, but I'm just saying, you can often think, like, I'm not doing like a ton of stuff, like I'm not trying to keep track of that much stuff, and yet I'm still feeling so overwhelmed. And that could be because of all the decisions. So if your day has no backbone, if you don't have, if every day is a fresh set of decisions to make from scratch, you are starting your day already set up for exhaustion and burnout. Um, and this is from somebody who's definitely experienced this type of overwhelm before. So if you're starting your day and you don't have any systems or any rhythms, or like you don't have a set plan for every single day, every day and every part of every day becomes a new decision that you have to make. And it's exhausting, especially as moms who already have to make tons of decisions just naturally that you can't always plan for, like, okay, my kid's upset about this right now. So, what can I do to just help alleviate this? Or these two are bickering. What should I do in this situation? Um, or the vet just called and they can't get them in at this time, so I have to make a different decision. Like, those are all normal things we have to make a decision about, but when you also don't have systems and routines and rhythms for the house, for your homeschool, for those types of things that you obviously have to still make decisions about, it just adds up very quickly. And so the fix here is definitely to install daily and weekly defaults. So default decisions you've already planned in advance, and then you just are able to repeat them. So it's a lot less of the decision making in your day. So here are a few examples of what that could look like, practically speaking. You may assign your subjects to specific days. So you're not um reinventing this every Sunday. So maybe you do history on Monday and Wednesday, science is Tuesday and Thursday, Friday is for picture study and read aloud. Or if you have readings you do, like for example, let's just take Amble Sight Online as an example where they give you the readings you have to do in a week, you would take those and you assign, okay, on Mondays we're gonna do these four readings, and on Tuesdays we'll do these four readings. That's what I've done. I have some open and go curriculum and I have some like Amble Slide Online that I've put together. And then I have some that are like a five-day curriculum, but I've scheduled how I'm gonna do those in four days. And I do that all at the beginning of the year and have it all mapped out so that going in on Monday, I don't even need to look at anything. I already know what we're doing, and it just takes away so many decisions. Um, and it just leaves so much more brain power left for me. Another idea is having a meal rotation. So even if it's a loose one, but maybe a two-week cycle of dinners or lunches or breakfasts or all of the above that you cycle through on repeat, or maybe you sit down for an hour or two once a quarter and you plan out all of your recipes and all of your things for the next three months. Doesn't really matter what the system is, as long as there's some kind of system that takes away the brain power that you have to have. So you're not wondering every day, what am I having for dinner? Because that is such a uh suck of your energy and your brain power that could be used in a lot better ways. Um, another thing is like the laundry. You know, that's a thing that's gonna keep happening regardless, whether you have a system for it or not. You're gonna have to do the laundry. And so you could assign laundry days by person or by type of laundry. Um, we do it by, you know, like today is my eight-year-old's day, tomorrow is my five-year-olds, then it's mine and the one-year-olds, then it's my um 11-year-olds, and then it's towels and bedding, and then it's my husband's on the weekend. Like we have a plan for it. And so I don't ever have to really think about it. I just know. And it's become a routine to just put the laundry in and when we deal with it. So I'm giving you just three examples, but there are so many different ways that having different systems or rhythms can help with this decision overwhelm. Um, this also can apply to information overwhelm, um, which is a real and growing phenomenon in today's, you know, instant, you know, the internet has everything at our fingertips. And so we are consuming so much content, so much more than any other generation of mothers before us. We have Instagram, we have TikTok, we have podcasts, blog posts, YouTube videos, curriculum reviews, you know, you name it, it's out there. There's articles, there's news, uh, there's texting our friends who text us different things. Like there's just so much information all the time. And it can often feel like we, our mind is like a Google Chrome browser, and there's 47 different tabs open at all times, and we're trying to keep track of all this different information. And it can be so overwhelming. And so you don't necessarily have to consume less, although that obviously would be very helpful. But you also need a place to put things. So, um, in my resource that I'll talk about at the end as well, I definitely recommend having what I'm calling a mental file cabinet. And this is a place to house all of those things that your brain feels like it has to hold on to, but is not equipped to hold on to because our brain was not meant to be a file cabinet. You know, our brain is meant to think and process and be creative and problem solve, but it's not meant to hold tons of information like a computer. Um, it is meant to process things, but it's not meant to like remember when you're taking the dog to the vet and remember this curriculum and remember that podcast episode and how to implement that and all these things. Like your brain is not meant to like have files that store tons of information like that that um you have to have at your fingertips. Anything that's not like, you know, monumental for you to remember in your brain, you can have, you can create a mental file cabinet that will hold that information until you're ready for it. Because when you don't have a place to put these things, your brain tries to hold on to it all. And it just isn't good at that, quite honestly. Our brain is just not good at holding tons and tons and tons of information that we're not actively using all of the time. But it will try. If you don't have a place to put it, it's gonna try and it's just gonna end up stressing you out. So the main ways to fix um the whole decision overwhelm, which slash, you know, uh information overwhelm is to have practical weekly, daily systems that you install into your life and to have a mental file cabinet. And I'm gonna talk about at the end um a resource that I have to help you with all of this. But before we get to that, let's talk about the third type of overwhelm, which is emotional overwhelm. So the third type, like I said, is emotional overwhelm. And this one I really want to get right because I think it's super common and it's also the most misunderstood, I would say. So emotional overwhelm is when the weight you're carrying isn't just about your homeschool plan at all. It's the noise, it's the constant interruptions, it's the never ending sibling conflict, it's the child with special needs whose diagnosis you're still processing. It's the relationship you're in that's strained right now. It's the worry that lives lives in the back of your mind no matter what you're doing. It's the feeling of being completely touched out, and yet someone still needs you and you're constantly giving to everyone. Um, it could be You know, something hard you're walking through. Some days the problem is not that you have too many subjects or too many decisions or too much information. Some days the problem is that you woke up already running on empty and by 9 a.m. three kids are fighting and the baby is crying and you haven't had a single quiet thought yet, and you just feel like you cannot do this today. That is what I would call emotional overwhelm. And no new planner is going to fix that. No curriculum swap is going to fix that. What you really need when going through this type of thing is some margin. That's what happens when our nervous system is just overwhelmed by what's going on in our life circumstances. We go into fight, flight, or freeze. Our body registers that there is just too much input, too much demand, too much that feels like a threat, even if nothing is actually dangerous. We just feel so tense. We snap at the people we love. We can't think clearly. And the more we push through without addressing what's actually happening, the worse it gets. And so I know when we're in that phase of life, you know, I've been here quite a few times. The instinct is that we should just push harder. Like we just got to get through it. Moms just have to keep going. Um, and we think that every spare minute should go towards solving that problem or pouring into the people who need us. And I totally understand that. I've been there, I've felt it. Uh, that's very natural, especially our motherly instinct is like, I just have to keep going because my family needs me. But you cannot pour from an empty cup. And trying to pour from an empty cup doesn't help anyone. It doesn't help you, it doesn't help your kids, it doesn't help your marriage, it doesn't help the situation, it doesn't help you problem solve better because you're empty and you're stressed out. What you really need during these times, and I, you know, I'd argue in life in general, is breathing room. So, what could that look like practically, especially when you're walking through a hard time? That could look like uh waking up 30 minutes before your kids so you can have some quiet time before the demands start. This could mean building in an afternoon quiet time where you're not required to be productive. Or if being productive in some way, like cleaning or organizing or something like that, helps you de-stress and decompress, that's okay. Like you could do that. That actually helps me when I'm really stressed out. Organizing my physical world helps me feel in control of my, you know, spiritual, emotional, mental world. Um, because I often don't have control over some of those things. And so when I um, you know, make my outside spaces neater, it makes my inside feel neater too. So if that's you, that's okay. You don't have to just like sit around and rest. Um, it can be restful to be productive as well, if it's the right type of productive, not a productive that's like just trying to check boxes so that you feel like you're doing something, but doing something that actually helps you in some way. Maybe you ask your husband to take over after dinner so you can go for a walk. Um, let your older kids watch your younger ones if they're old enough for 20 minutes so you can go into another room and just breathe, or call a friend, or read, or pray, um, taking a hot shower and just being alone and nobody needing you. I know these are like small things, but when you're in the midst of a hard time, you really, really, really need to protect that margin because it's all you have. Um, and try not to fill it with worries. Try to fill it with things that um, you know, will build you up, not tear you down. Another idea once a week is to protect a slightly longer window of time that is just for you. Not to catch up on email or tasks, just time for your nervous system to rest. Maybe going to a coffee shop, maybe going to see a friend, going for a long walk, a weekend evening after the kids are asleep, you go do something for yourself, a Saturday afternoon where your spouse takes over for an hour, whatever it looks like in your family, just protect it like you would a doctor or dentist appointment for your kids. Like this is important for you and for them as well. And I know this feels counterintuitive in the midst of a really hard time. It feels like you just need to give that every second. Like every second you can be thinking about it or working on it means, you know, you'll figure it out or you'll get through it. But honestly, our brains need some margin, our brains need that space. And often when we can step away from a situation and not think about it for a while, when we come back to it, we actually will have insight that we wouldn't have had otherwise. We'll have fresh eyes to look at it from. So if you're dealing with emotional overwhelm, the fix is not a better system. It's not trying to do more or trying to do it better. It's trying to add margin and protect that margin and make it a non-negotiable in your life. So let's bring this all together. If you're feeling overwhelmed in your homeschool right now, the first step is not to fix everything. It's just to name what you're actually dealing with. Volume overwhelm, like too much on your table. The answer for that is subtraction. Take something off your plate even temporarily. If you're dealing with decision overwhelm, too many choices every day with no repeating backbone. The answer for this is systems and rhythms. Make the decision once and repeat it so you're not having to be all the time because you're gonna go crazy. If it's emotional overwhelm, the noise, the weight, running on empty, going through a hard season. The answer for this is margin. Protect some breathing room in your day and your week, even when it feels like you can't afford to, because that's truly when you need it the most. And I do want to add, sometimes you're dealing with all three of these, all of the above. Um, that is normal and unfortunately pretty common. And so I would just advise you start with whatever feels like it would give you the best bang for your buck. Maybe you're dealing with emotional overwhelm and decision overwhelm, but installing systems right now feels overwhelming. Well, let's just add some margin in first, and then we can see about adding in some systems. Um, if you're dealing with volume overwhelm and decision overwhelm, figure out which one, like I would probably recommend you take some things off your list before you install the systems. So you have to kind of play around with it and see what you feel like you have the most energy for right now, given that you are overwhelmed, and then tackle it one thing at a time. But each of these things, each of the answers to these, if you're dealing with that type of overwhelm, is going to help you, at least in some way. And so giving yourself a little break or a little more stability can help you then move on to the next type and start implementing from there as well. So before I let you go, I have something free for you that will really help tackle these different types of overwhelm. And this is my starter glueprint. It is a free PDF, it's 18 pages full of goodness, but don't let that overwhelm you. I just wanted to really make everything super simple for you. And this was designed to help you do three things. First of all, to clear out the mental clutter that's been living in your head. And I can pretty much guarantee you, if you're listening to this, you have some of that clutter. Um, it will help you start building a simple weekly rhythm and other rhythms in your life that will help take away a lot of that decision overwhelm and volume overwhelm, and even just help with the emotional overwhelm. If you don't have these systems in place, it's a lot harder to deal with the heart emotions. And so it can definitely help with that as well. Um, this is not meant to be overwhelming, it's meant to help with your overwhelming and you could take it one step at a time, but it's five different systems and rhythms that I would implement right now if I didn't have any that would really, really, really help um me in my homeschool, in my motherhood, and just in my life in general. And that's what I have created for you. So if this has resonated with you and you want to check it out, you can go to homeschoolglue.com slash start s t-t. Um, I will have a link in the show notes as well, and you can um get that free PDF and start working on it today. I just pray that this blesses you and helps you figure out what type of overwhelm you have and give you some solutions for starting to deal with it. But of course, in the upcoming episodes, I will have lots more you can do uh if you are an overwhelmed homeschool mom to help push you in the right direction, guide you in the right direction to start alleviating that day after day, bit by bit, slowly over time in a way that's sustainable and will help keep you from falling back into these different patterns of overwhelm. I pray this episode blessed you and gave you something useful that will make homeschooling easier or more fulfilling. If this episode made you feel seen or gave you one thing to change this week, would you please share it and leave a review? That's how more homeschool moms who are struggling with overwhelm can find something that actually helps. You can always find me on Instagram at homeschoolglue where we talk simple systems, rich learning, and the real version of homeschool life. You don't need to do it all, you just need systems that stick. I'll see you next week. Happy homeschooling!