013 || Why Every Homeschool Mom Needs a Tribe (& How to Find One)

After God and her husband, Sarah says the most essential part of her homeschool is something nobody hands you with a curriculum: a community. And she built hers as a shy, introverted mom who is not great at walking up to people and saying hi.

In this episode Sarah talks about why community matters for you as the mom, not just for socializing the kids, and the difference it makes on the hard days. She shares the unlikely way her own people came together, from a program that wasn't even the right fit to the book club and co-op she now does life with every week.

Then she gets practical: how to start with just one person, where to show up when you don't know anyone yet, and what to do when the thing you're looking for doesn't exist yet. None of it happened overnight, and that's the encouraging part.

If this episode makes you feel a little less alone, share it with a friend and follow along for more.

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Transcript

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When I've looked back on my homeschool journey, I can think of just a handful of things that I would say are absolutely necessary to our success as a homeschooling family. Number one, of course, is God's provision and guidance through this whole process. I could not do it without him. And of course, there are books I have read that were helpful and tools and curricula that we use and we love. But after God and my husband's support, I would say the most essential thing I would recommend having is a homeschool tribe or community. Now, the tribe could consist of you and one other person, or it could be larger. It could consist of just some friends and family who don't homeschool but are super supportive. Or ideally, it would involve a couple or more homeschooling moms you are around regularly and do life with. Now, if you're listening to this and feeling down because you don't have this, you are exactly who I'm recording this episode for. We are going to talk about why community matters, how I became blessed with such an amazing community as a shy, introverted mom, and how you can do practically with lots of tips. Glue. It's messy, it's sticky, it gets everywhere. But without it, nothing holds. Homeschool life can feel messy too. We have the loud days, the mental overload, so many moving parts. But we don't need is more curriculum or more pressure to do it all. We need something that holds. Simple systems, steady rhythms, the kind of structure that makes homeschooling easier instead of heavier. Hi, I'm Sarah, a homeschool mom of four, and this is the Homeschool Glue Podcast. Each week we have an honest conversation about real homeschool life and the simple systems that help overwhelmed homeschool moms clear the mental clutter, build rhythms that actually stick, and create the peaceful lives we are all craving. If you're tired of carrying everything and getting nowhere, you are in the right place. Grab that load of laundry and let's get started. Welcome back to the Homeschool Glue podcast. Today's episode is gonna be a little bit different than talking about systems and routines and curriculum and summer prep and fall planning. Um I love that content, but I just thought it would be helpful, especially as we look forward to a new school year, to talk about homeschool tribes and community and how you can create your own or become part of one, especially if you are shy, if you're new to an area, if you're introverted, um if you have kids with special needs and you maybe feel like you just don't belong or you just have a hard time putting yourself out there. I want to speak to you because I can relate with all of those. And I am a very, believe it or not, shy and introverted person. I am not great at small talk. I'm horrible at going up to people and saying hi and just talking to them. But God has really guided me and blessed me with an amazing homeschool community, and I just can't imagine homeschooling without them. So we're gonna be talking about this today in a more general sense. I'm gonna share my story a little bit, and then I want to share some practical tips that you can actually apply to your own life. So let's talk about why community actually matters. Now, you hear so much talk about socialization, and I think a lot of us just roll our eyes, but I think there are lots of reasons way beyond that why community matters. And I'm sure we can think about why it matters for our kids, but I want to specifically talk about why I think it matters for you as the mom. Um, because homeschooling isn't just about our kids, it's also about us. We're the ones teaching, we're the ones pouring into them. And I think community matters just as much for us as it does for our kids. First off, it really helps provide emotional support. Um, I know firsthand how isolating homeschooling can be. Now, that's not to say it is that way for everyone, but if you aren't involved in a lot and you're just home with your kids, you aren't seeing a lot of people, you aren't out meeting with people. And then if you add being introverted or shy on top of that, or introverted and shy on top of that, and it can be very hard to meet new people. It can be very hard to put yourself out there. And so because it is a pretty isolating lifestyle, if you're not proactive about it, that can just lead us to feel sad, feel lost, and we have nobody to really talk to about it. And so having a community around you can help so much because there are gonna be times when life is hard. There are gonna be times when you struggle as a homeschool mom, there are gonna be times you struggle in other ways. And having a group of people around you that you can discuss, you can be vulnerable with, they can give you advice, they can practically bring you meals, they can help out with your kids here and there if needed, they can offer insight and they can be very encouraging, and you can do the same for them. And it's just a really beautiful thing. And this helps so much. Like if you think about um teachers, often they become friends with the people they work with and they have similar struggles and they have people they want to go to with ideas, and it's just so nice to have people around you that are doing life in a similar way because they can truly identify with what you're dealing with and really encourage and offer insight and be there to support you, and vice versa. Also, it can really help offer practical support. I have gotten so many ideas and little nuggets of information and advice that I am so grateful for from the people in my community, not just those who have gone before me, but those who haven't homeschooled as long but are looking at things from a different perspective. They come from different walks of life, they come from different educational backgrounds. Um, you know, they taught in the school this subject, and so they can give perspective on things, and it is so, so helpful. Um, I've had people over to look at curriculum. I've looked at other people's curriculum to really see how people do things in their own home and to actually get to see it in my hands and look at it and talk to them about it is can be so helpful. And I just think, especially when you're new to homeschooling, having people to do this with you is so incredibly helpful and can just um provide so much support in so many different ways than just helping you pick a curriculum. You just feel seen. And I know homeschool moms love pouring into new homeschool moms and even existing homeschool moms. But it when I learn that somebody's new to homeschooling, I love taking them under my wing and showing them anything they want to see, um, helping them pick different things, giving my advice, but I also just love encouraging them because it can be really scary when you're first starting out. So practically, it can be so helpful to have a community around you. Also, you can grow together. There is something so powerful about doing something alongside someone else. Maybe not actually like homeschooling in the same room as them, but you're in your house homeschooling, they're in their house homeschooling, but you talk on a regular basis, you see each other on a regular basis. And maybe there's a certain area that you're trying to grow. Um, when you do this with people, it's just like when you're trying to lose weight or you're trying to run a marathon or you're trying to do X, Y, Z, when you have somebody who's doing that too, even if you're not actively seeing them do it, but you can check in with them, you're so much more likely to hit that goal and you're so much more likely to make progress and to make it faster because somebody else is checking in on you, and it's not just about you. Like you're there to support them, they're there to support you, and you want them to succeed, so you're gonna stick with it. And so the same thing is true with homeschooling. You're more likely to stick with homeschooling, you're more likely to implement the things that you've been learning about when there are others also doing it. I know for me, my homeschool community, we're all Charlotte Mason homeschoolers. Um, and reading her volumes and books about her volumes and reading lots of different books about literature and things in our homeschool uh book club, and then meeting regularly to discuss them, we I think all could say we have grown so much more than we would have if we were just reading these books on our own. When you're there to talk and dissect and look at it from different perspectives and share, you know, what's happening in your house and how it applies and things like that. It is so helpful and it really helps you want to go home and you're inspired and you want to go home and put those into practice because you're doing it together. Um, there's something just so beautiful that God really blesses when people are doing things um in a group. And I I've seen that firsthand, and it's it's a really beautiful thing. Of course, um it offers socialization. Um, I don't, I kind of hate that word, but what I mean by this is we are social creatures. We are not supposed to do life all by ourselves. And we are when we are surrounded by little people all day long, it can be a little maddening at times. And so it's so nice to have adults to talk to on a regular basis that live similar lives, like I mentioned before, because homeschooling, while it is a lot more popular and and more, um, it's more you know, accepted and things like that today than it was 10, 20 plus years ago, it still is not a very common thing. And so having people in your life who are also living that lifestyle, um, it's so much easier to talk to them. It's harder to open up with people who don't homeschool. Like I definitely share about it, but um, the conversations are obviously a lot deeper. Like I met somebody at the park a couple weeks ago, and as soon as my five-year-old told her that we homeschool because she's my little extrovert, uh, the mom came up to me and was like, Oh, you homeschool? And we found out we went to the same Charlotte Mason conference and we were talking and we had this deep discussion and we just met each other. I've had that happen so many times. And so it's just a really cool thing. It's an instant way to connect with people if you're both, you know, living a similar life. And it's it's just really cool how that works. And then lastly, um I'm sure there's many more reasons, but I just was thinking about how having a community really helps you stay inspired. Um, going, like I went, I've gone to a Charlotte Mason conference the last three years now. And when I leave, after not only meeting with my local community that I see often, but also um, you know, meeting new moms and connecting with moms that I've seen other years there, it's just so inspiring. We get new ideas, we think of things from different angles. We now have this fresh motivation to take home. And it's not just at conferences, but just being with my homeschool community. When we talk, when we plan our co-op, when we have book club, when I'm just meeting one-on-one, having dinner with a friend who homeschools in our community. I feel so motivated. I want to go back home and apply the things that I've learned. I feel rejuvenated. And if you don't have that, it's a lot harder to experience that, especially when the community you kind of feel like you have is on social media, but you're just seeing like all the beauty that's out there, and you're not seeing the real struggles and the vulnerability because moms shouldn't be sharing that online, you know? So I think it's just so inspiring to have a community, and we can also be the ones who are inspiring others when other moms are having a hard time, and we just feel that's inspiring in and of itself to help inspire others. Um, and so it's a win-win all around. So let's talk a little bit about my story and how I became part of a community. It really was just a God thing, um, especially because we started homeschooling in 2021 when all the craziness of COVID was happening. So when we first started homeschooling, I knew pretty much one homeschool mom. There was a friend from church who had started homeschooling the year before, and I had just kind of watched her online because we weren't seeing a lot of people. And so it was just nice to have somebody I could turn to for questions, and she was very helpful and gave advice. And so that just kind of solidified our decision and made me feel like, okay, she did it. I can do it. It's gonna be okay. And so um, if you know someone in your life who homeschools, definitely reach out to them and just get the ball rolling because so many homeschool moms love to share and help each other. So then I really I don't know what it was because I am introverted, but it doesn't mean I like am antisocial. Like I'm actually very social with the people that I know and love. Um I'm just not the best at meeting people and small talk and that kind of thing. But I knew our first year of homeschooling that I wanted some kind of community. And so there was not a lot open and not a lot running because of COVID, but classical conversations was still happening. And I knew going into homeschooling that I probably was more of a Charlotte Mason homeschooler. I had done a lot of research on different styles and being a former English teacher, I don't think it's surprising that I would love a um a whole methodology based around quality literature. So I knew that and I knew classical conversations didn't really fit that same model. Um, but I thought, you know what, why not give it a try? They had nursery available for our younger two, um, and that way I could really get involved with my older daughter and be in her class and meet new moms and just be surrounded by people. And so we signed up. And when we went to the very first meeting, of course, God, you know, orchestrated that I would run into someone I knew from high school who was actually a foreign exchange student in high school, but ended up getting married and staying here. And so our daughters are a year apart. And so I connected with her again, which was really cool. And we got together a lot over the years, um, ever since then. So that was really cool to have a connection right from the start with somebody I knew. And then I was forced to socialize with people, which is good for me. And I knew that I knew it would be a little uh nerve-wracking, you know, at first, but I knew if I want my kids to be able to make friends, I need to do that too. And so having some kind of organized, whether it's a co-op or some kind of group for homeschool parents, like if you can get involved in that, um, yes, it can be a little uh anxiety-ridden at first, but once you put yourself out there, you will meet people and it will get easier. And so I actually was in a class. Um, one of my now best friends is uh was our my daughter's tutor at classical conversations, and she and another mom who were in the class, we were always together helping. Um, we all live in the same area, and we all three weren't really aligning with classical conversations, but we were kind of afraid to tell each other. And so I knew after that first year that I didn't want to continue because it's not cheap, and I didn't want to keep pouring into this methodology that didn't match what we were doing at home, even though I absolutely love the community days and I loved the other moms. And so um I told a mutual friend and she kind of convinced us to tell each other that we weren't um planning to continue, and so it was kind of funny how it worked out um that we all ended up leaving CC and we all started, we were all part of already this local community, and so we ended up all starting our own co-op that's Charlotte Mason based. And so uh it just kind of worked out that way. But it if I had not signed up for CC, this wouldn't have happened. And so locally, um, we ended up during that first year when we were still in CC, a couple moms that were Charlotte Mason had started a book club. Our tutor was one of them, and so I got invited either through her or through the first friend who was in church, like it they all became connected, and and one of them's our piano teacher. So it's just it's just kind of funny how it all connects eventually. But um, so I got invited to this book club. They were meeting a couple times a month to discuss different books that pretty much usually are aligning with Charlotte Mason. We've read Um For the Children's Sake, we've read Beyond Mere Motherhood, we've read a lot of Kieran Glass's books, um, and then just some other books about homeschooling and um literature and things like that. And so being part of that community, I met some other moms, and then we ended up all after that first year of CC. We left CC, the three of us that were in CC, and then we started our own co-op together. So um the book club was part of it. We also, that same book club, had a nature hiking group. We've kind of not been as good about getting out there because we're all we all have older kids now, and it's just become a lot to be consistent with, but we were going on hikes very often together, and so I just met so many moms through that, and now five years later, we are still meeting regularly. We've added more moms to our co-op. We invite different moms to the book club, and it's just been really beautiful. And we all have relationships with each other outside of the group as well, and it's just been truly one of the best blessings of my life, I would say, that I couldn't have foreseen when I decided to homeschool. Um, and so that's basically my group, my tribe. It's growing over the years, it's shifting, but there are some incredible relationships that have been formed, and I'm so very grateful for. Um, and I have gotten so much advice and encouragement. I know um in 2023 when my dad had a horrible accident, was in the hospital. Um they were the ones who got together and like got parking passes for me because I was going to the hospital every day for months and put together like a little bag for us, and that will forever be one of like the most beautiful moments of my life because it was the darkest time of my life so far, and they were there. So um, it's just been such a blessing to have them in my life, and it's something I want for all homeschool moms to have that community around them. So, let's talk practical tips for finding your people. So, based on what I shared, I have some tips that I think you can apply to your own situation, regardless of how introverted, extroverted, or where you live, or any of that kind of thing. I think some great advice would be to start with one person. A community usually doesn't just start with a group of people just showing up. Usually it builds one at a time or a couple at a time. Um, and so if you can think of one person who homeschools, reach out to them, text them, ask if you can go out for coffee, ask if they'd be interested in a book club, ask if you could come see their curriculum or if it's somebody new to homeschooling, invite them to your house to see what you're doing. Um, just be the person who reaches out to just one person. Um, and if you can't find that one person, you don't know anybody, then find somewhere to show up to, whether that's a local homeschool field trip group and they've been going to different field trips, sign up and go. If it's a homeschool choir, go to the informational night, if it's a homeschool soccer club or I don't know, whatever is in your area, if there's something homeschool related or a a group at your church who homeschools or something, sign up and go and put yourself out there. It is okay to be shy, it's okay to be introverted, but it's not good for us to stay separated from people. So put yourself out there, I promise. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. And usually once you can make that connection with somebody, it's going to be a lot easier each time. Um, and you just never know how God will bless it. It's truly amazing. Um, you can also look for Facebook groups in your area. Maybe there's if there's a Facebook group in your area you can join and then ask what events are happening, ask if anybody has a co-op or a book club, ask if anybody would ever want to meet up to talk about homeschooling. Maybe if you're a certain type of homeschooler, Charlotte Mason or Classical or Unschooling or whatever it is, put that out there and say, would any moms be interested in meeting for coffee once a month? And I pretty much guarantee people will do it. Um, and if that doesn't work, try again. Maybe people didn't see it, see it and their algorithm isn't helping you. So just keep putting yourself out there. Um, like I said, be the one who reaches out first. Don't wait around for people to reach out to you. Um, especially if people are already involved in a community, they may not be, you know, they may be busy, they may not really be thinking like, oh, you don't have anybody. So just text them or at the park, say, you know, is your book club open to other people? Or how does it work to be in your co op? Or or would you wanna go meet have coffee sometime? Like just put yourself out there. I think really most moms would say yes. They want to invite others in. We know that community is so important and we want to take those moms under our wings and support them. And we just never know where those relationships will lead. And so be the first one to reach out. If it doesn't exist, create it. Okay, if there's not a book club in your area and you're listening, thinking that would be so cool, then create one and put it on Facebook or reach out to the one mom you know who homeschools and see if she knows other moms and invite people. Um it can be scary, but it also can lead to some of the most beautiful things. I'm always telling my kids that sometimes the hardest things in life are also the most beautiful things. Like I tell them about having kids. Like, is being a mom easy? No. Is being pregnant easy? Is giving birth easy? For me, no, absolutely not. But it has led to the most beautiful blessings. And the same thing with this. It can be hard at first, but it can lead to some of the most beautiful relationships of your entire life. So start your own co-op, start your own book club, start a nature group, start a book club for kids, um, start a little field trip group, do something, whatever's on your heart to do, be the one to start it. Don't wait around for it to get created because maybe you're the one who is supposed to create it. And then put out what you hope to get back. If you really want friends who invite you places, then be the person who invites people first. If you want friends who check in on you, then you need to also be the one who checks in on them first. It takes time, it can feel one-sided at first, and maybe not every person that you pour into, you will become the deep friendship you're longing for. But the more you try, the better chance that eventually you will get to that community that you've been so desiring. Now I want to come back to this before I end this episode because I know some of you are listening and thinking this sounds incredibly exhausting. And I totally get it. I really do. But what I want to share is that none of this happened overnight. I did not set out to homeschool and then all of a sudden have a tribe around me. It takes time. You don't have to be everywhere all the time, you don't have to be meeting people every single day. Just take those small actions. Start putting yourself out there here and there. And I pretty much assure you that it's going to pay off over time. So just do one thing, one little nugget you heard from this episode. Plan to do it this week. Text somebody, look on Facebook, sign up for that co-op or whatever. Um, do that one thing and then just see the ripple effect. Maybe reach out to somebody else the next month or go to that thing and then see if you met new people, then reach out to them. Um, just take that next step over time and see where the journey leads you. So the goal really isn't like this super large social calendar. It can be if that's what you want it to be. It doesn't have to be. But for me, the goal was just a couple people that I could talk to about homeschooling, that I could do life alongside. And it has grown even bigger than that, which is pretty amazing. That I have so many people in my life I can turn to for support, for ideas, for encouragement. Um, and they can turn to me as well. And that just having a couple, if that making that your goal is less intimidating than thinking about like a whole village, because that takes time. And maybe that's not your story in the season of life you're in, but even one friend is can make all the difference. So start small and stay consistent and just give it time. So I started my homeschool journey knowing just one person who homeschooled, just one, and now I have a book club I'm part of, a co-op, a group of women I trust deeply and do real life alongside every single week. It didn't happen overnight. It happened because I kept showing up to do things. I kept reaching out, I kept being willing to be a little uncomfortable in the service of something that mattered. And I just want to side note this when your kids see you do that, it inspires them to do the same. How often do we want our kids to be brave and do that hard thing even though they don't feel ready or even though they're scared? And if they see you do that, they're more likely to model that same thing. And so let's be the people we want our kids to be and model the behaviors and the actions we want them to do. You can have this too. It might look different than mine. It probably will. It might be one really good friend instead of a whole group. It might be an online community instead of local, it might be your neighbor, it might be somebody in your family. All of that is okay. Just start somewhere. And as always, if you are in a season where your homeschool feels heavy and you just need somewhere to start with the practical side of things, make sure you grab my free starter glueprint that will walk you through five different systems that you can start implementing today to help with the overwhelm that comes alongside motherhood and homeschooling. And you can grab that at homeschoolglue.com slash start. I hope this episode was helpful and you get out there and you make some new friends. Happy homeschooling. I pray this episode blessed you and gave you something useful that will make homeschooling easier or more fulfilling. If this episode made you feel seen or gave you one thing to change this week, would you please share it and leave a review? That's how more homeschool moms who are struggling with overwhelm can find something that actually helps. You can always find me on Instagram at homeschoolglue where we talk simple systems, rich learning, and the real version of homeschool life. You don't need to do it all, you just need systems that stick. I'll see you next week. Happy homeschooling.