Power of Play
Power of Play
Managing Expectations and Embracing Anticipation
In this episode of the Power of Play Kelly and Amanda explore the importance of managing expectations before your trip and how allowing everyone to embrace the anticipation is fun. Kelly discusses the notion that all disappointment lives in the gap between expectations and reality.
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Email - kelly@theentreprenewer.com
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Welcome back to episode number two with Amanda and Kelly and the power of play. Hello everybody. Welcome back. Thanks for joining this. So today, Kelly, what are we going to talk about today we are going to talk about managing expectations and really living into the power of anticipation, which I know is where you come in with with your planning and really aligning expectations of the family. You know, what the entrepreneur is looking to get out of it, what the spouse or partner kids, parents that you know, if we're doing a multi generational trip, really talking about getting the expectation set up because all disappointment lives in the gap between expectation and reality. So as much as the, repeat that again because that is actually a really good point that I think people need to think about. Yes. So all disappointment, all potential for conflict, lives in the gap between expectations and reality. Great. Well and I think about myself when I prepare to go on vacation if I haven't talked to my kids about what we're going to be doing, how it's going to flow, and that they sometimes have a completely different idea of what's going to happen on vacation. And so when you get there and their expectations not met or my expectations that net, then we're disappointed. Totally. And it's really just because we didn't talk about it ahead of time. Exactly, exactly. So languaging it, making sure that everybody's expectations are clear and communicated, and then of course living into the anticipation leading up to that so that it's really enjoyable for the whole time, not just, you know, the little hit while you're on the, on the actual trip. Right. And I think the other point is really important is sometimes when you have just one person planning the trip and then everyone else doesn't get to be part of that planning process, they almost miss out on the anticipation factor because they don't know what the itinerary is or what they're going to be doing. So involving everyone that's traveling into that whole planning process I think is really important. And it doesn't have to be like this huge like in depth meeting or something like that. It can be as simple as sending YouTube videos or finding books for everybody to read. It can be really simple, but it really is something that people need to think about when they're starting to think about travel. Absolutely. Absolutely. So I think we'll probably do probably a little bit of a both reverse engineer interview because I'm interested in hearing how you coach your clients into it. Cause I know with me when I'm talking with entrepreneurs, for them it might be like I just need to recharge. I need to get away, I need to get a hit. But I'm super high octane. Like I want to go where I want to be doing skydiving or I want to be doing zip lining or bungee jumping, you know, like really, really high octane things because you know th there's yes. Musky. Oh my gosh, that's so true. Yes. And or you know what? I go like high octane all the time. I just want to go and sit and do nothing. And maybe the spouse is or the family is like look like totally opposite. I am. I want to get out there and do. Yeah. Right. So managing pace is a huge thing when and with my couples. Yes. So well and I have that actually. It's really funny cause I have that with my husband. Sometimes we go on vacation and he is not a beach goer. He doesn't want to lay on the beach. He doesn't want to sit on the beach. And for the most part, I don't like to do that either. However, we find ourselves, sometimes we need a vacation from vacation because we don't force ourselves to kind of wind down. So it's not that we have different expectations sometimes, but we don't set the expectations for ourselves. So we come home from vacation sometimes and we're like, Holy moly, I just feel like I got run over by a bus because we were doing and seeing and, and really pumped up. So I think that part of that planning process that we run into as travel advisors is about learning what the goals are with our travelers in, you know, what do you want to feel when you return? Do you wanna feel refreshed? Do you wanna feel, um, invigorated? Do you wanna feel relaxed and peaceful? So it is a really important question and it's one that, you know, a lot of travelers will say, I could put this, book this on the internet and do it myself, but the Internet's not gonna ask that question to say, let me understand what it is you're looking for. And it's such an important question. Yes. Yeah. Yes. And one of the things that I always tell my clients is like, take turns, you know, get in one another's world, this is the power of play. This is where we reconnect, right? And so if one super high octane take turns doing that activity, if one just wants to chill, take turns doing that activity, you know, we have plenty of time and it's really important for both parties to spend time in the other person's world enjoying their activities. Because that's where we see each other, you know, like really in our strengths is when we're in our element, right? Well, and for us, when we're planning like a laundry list trip or a wanderlust portfolio for clients, what's really funny is sometimes they need permission. That may be that high octane trip that they want to take. Maybe they should be taking them by themselves and then their partner wants to take a relaxation trip or something like that. So almost giving each other permission to do something completely different is also a really valuable thing as well. Um, and you can do a trip that includes everything. So a great example, I'm not a huge cycler. My husband could cycle for days. He's on the Peloton every day. He's like a beast on the Peloton. I don't even know who he is, but like out of 10,000 people, he cut and sit in like the top 20. So anyway, when we go on a cycling trip, what I love is like back roads. We'll have a trip where they'll have e-bikes. So while he's peddling his butt off, I can kick in that little motor. I'm still getting the enjoyment of like going over the Tuscan Hills and seeing the sunflowers and stopping to taste olive oil, but I don't have to kill myself or the support vehicle. We'll say if you want to stop and you get in the van so you don't have to bike up the Hill, do it. It's okay. And so we, a lot of times we'll take these vacations that we're combining our activity levels and working with the, the supplier that we're working with or the company that we're going to be traveling with to say, this is how I travel, this is how he travels. Let's work to find a really good balance in that. Yes. Yeah, that's a great example. And the other thing that you know, that we come up against when we talk about expectations is connectivity. You know, like we run the business sometime, like I know I am my business and you know, there's a lot of people whose world orbits around the business. And so what does vacation look like? Am I completely disconnected? Is there a hybrid? And so, um, you know, when we talk about our expectations as the entrepreneur and what we need out of vacation, our family has the same expectations, right? Like when I travel with my kids, they're like yes, like finally uninterrupted mom time and it's like, yes. And I still have to check my email once a day. Yes. And like if I know I have a standing call that I haven't been able to reschedule like at this particular time, yes. I have a call if, if I have three calls in the entire week. Right. You know, it's a trade off that we can take this and so, but telling them and preparing them in advance so it's not like we're going to have all this free time and Oh by the way, here, let me speak at, stay on my phone or, well, and like as your travel advisor, knowing that, you know, we could have the guide taking your kids to a gelato tasting or making pasta in Italy or putting some sort of activity in place that you don't feel like, Oh my God, I'm feel so guilty because I can't do this. Because your family is off doing something wonderful. So, um, it is about kind of being okay to discuss these things ahead of time so that you avoid that situation of I can't believe I'm on vacation and dad's on his email again. Mary is working all the time, you know, so it kind of sets it up or mom's so busy on her conference call and really setting that expectation. What I also love Kelly, and this is what's fun. So when my kids were little, I was a single mom and traveling with them alone was terrifying. Like honestly the idea of getting on an airplane and it was me against the kids. Like if things melted down, it's two of them and one of me, right? So it was so terrifying. It so many parents that I talked to today who are divorced or single parents or you know, when they go to take their kids away, it is a little bit scary. So finding the cruise line that has the amazing kids program and starting to talk to the kids ahead of time about, Oh my gosh, you're going to be able to go ice skating and you're going to be able go on the water slides and they have this great arcade and being able to kind of help your kids understand, wow, this is going to be fun and it doesn't matter. You know, if mom needs a break or dad needs a break or you know, so it really can help by having those discussions ahead of time. Yeah. And on the flip, you know, the other side of that coin is when you're on vacation, like this is actually a time when the life doesn't have to orbit around the business. And so, Hey honey, I scheduled a great tour at this time. Make sure, no matter what, there's no calls or anything scheduled. Like we like this family. Time is protected, right? We're doing horseback riding, we're doing a tour, like so take calls whenever you want, but during these hours we're family, right? Like we are connected to each other. So now we're orbiting life around the vacation and each other and it gives everybody a break from orbiting life around the business again. Yes. That's awesome. And I think that, you know, especially our families, they need to know that at some point they are the most important. I mean we know that's the reality. I mean really when it's all said and done, families, everything, I don't care who you are and what business you run really when it's all said and done, you care about your loved ones. And so you know, telling them that by saying, I want to make sure that on this vacation we have that time together to really be together at these certain times, whatever it may be, lets them know how important this is. It's really kind of a, a different way of doing things. I always think of, and this is, have you ever seen RV with Robin Williams? Oh my gosh, you have to watch it. It's the funniest thing. So they rent this RV and I love that because we'll talk about this in a future episode, my RV story. But anyway, he goes on this vacation with his family and he's in this RV, but he has this big presentation that's due. So he's in like the bathrooms that the campgrounds like in his like typing on his computer and it's like the most hysterical thing. And I think how horrible is that that he couldn't be upfront and honest with this family to say I have to get this presentation done. Can you just give me a break to do it? He was like hiding in the restroom, psych on the toilet with his feet up. You know, so you have to see it. It's a good movie. Hopefully that won't be me in my RV someday. I will share this story when we go forward and talk about, um, wanderlust. Cause actually that was my RV story. Awesome. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, vacation is the perfect time to model that. Your family does get the best of you and the business will get the rest of you during this time. So Kelly, tell me like if you were coaching a family or husband and wife or husband, husbands button, you know, if you're coaching them head of time about vacation, how would you tell them to do that? Would that be writing down your expectations? Would that be just having a discussion? What's the best way for people to really kind of open up to that idea of sharing the expectation, the commitment to the trip and being a part, you know, business. Yeah, it really did. Pens like I would find most people they don't want it. Like most couples don't want to sit down and like go to a whiteboard or like do the exercise because it's like, again, there's so much flavor, there's so much spice of the business in our lives that can we just sit down and have a conversation? Like does everything have to be mind mapped? Yeah. Right. Yeah. And so it does depend on the spouse of two spouses are very goal oriented. Then yes, a white board or writing it down might help, but this is a matter of the heart, right? Like it can't always be captured. And so it's a conversation. It's asking the right questions. You know when we get back, this is like, this is my favorite question when we get back from the vacation, when we're talking about it, you know, we, we've put all our, we've unpacked, the laundry is done and we're laying in bed that first night home. What are we talking about? Like what are we reminiscing about? What are we, what are we laughing about? Is that the, is it just sitting and watching the sunsets? Is it, you know, the high acting like that? Yeah, absolutely. Like do we want to come back, reconnected or really amped up? And so beginning with the end in mind and then working the puzzle backwards really helps suit a get clear on the destination. I'm sure you have people like I want to go to Paris. Why? You know you actually want to go to Argentina. Yeah. Yeah. Well and it's so funny cause we actually is travel advisors. We have kind of a list of thought provoking questions that we'll oftentimes use with clients to kind of figure out what it is that they want. And that is something that we talk about is if you were just getting home from your vacation, what would you want to say that would have made your vacation absolutely perfect. Like Oh my gosh, we laid on a beach and we watched the sunset and you know, it was just so wonderful. Or you know, whatever it may be that your vacation that, that and it's funny cause when I think of every trip I've ever taken with my family, there's always the one or two signature things that stick out in my mind. And it could be like a crazy things like sitting on the top of a deck looking down into the water and my daughter and sister were in a shark cage and great white sharks were swimming by that were bigger than the boat. And I'm thinking I'm a horrible parents. But then it can also be things like sitting around a campfire and sharing stories with the uh, my psych guide who you know, is telling me all about how they're dating. cause@thetimeiwassingleandweweretryingtoexplaintohimhowmatch.com worked. And he lived in a village, you know, so I mean it's those crazy things, but those are the things that, that's what travel brings us. And I think people often forget, they get so involved in rates, dates, and space and they think, you know, that, that it's all about, you know, having that experience that somebody had at the cocktail party and is describing to them when it's about that person that was at the cocktail party. You know, so often people come to us and they're like, I was at this cocktail party talking to this other couple and they did this amazing experience and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I'll start to talk to them. And it was, you know, camping on a platform, someplace in, you know, South American and like, do you mind bugs? Like why, you know, bugs are like all over this place. So it's, you know, one of those things where, you know, you have to dig deeper. Cause sometimes people get an idea of what they want to do it and they have no clue that it's totally not what they need to be doing. Right. Yeah. Right. That's why I love the role of the tribal advisory. You guys can just get right to the heart of what they really want. So Kelly, if somebody wanted to dig deeper into this topic and kind of learn more, I know you do a lot of your talks about this. Is it part of your book? How does this all tie in? What, where can someone go? Maybe we could post something with like a list of questions, thought provoking questions and put it on our website so that they can kind of go in and dig in a little deeper to have this discussion. Yeah. You know what, I'll put together a guide for it and we'll just have a freebie on the website. And then couples, you know, if it's something you want to sit down and write together and if your spouse is like, I don't want to do a worksheet to play for vacation, I just want you on vacation. Put the worksheet down. Yes. And go be present. Like that's what they're really after is your undivided attention. But I will have that rule. I'll make a resource for you and we'll put it on the website. Oh, I love it. Awesome. Well, I'll tell you, we're going to wrap it up. Thank you for coming into the Island of misfit toys and joining us today on this subject. We're happy to share with you. Thank you, Kelly. Thank you, Amanda. All right, and we'll see you next time on the power of play. Thanks guys. Thanks.