The Toya Talks Podcast

Not Like Us

• Toya Washington • Season 2 • Episode 157

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What if the working world is demanding hypocrisy from you? 

Let’s pivot to the music industry and dissect the contrasting paths of Drake and Kendrick Lamar. We'll explore Drake's perceived struggle despite a privileged background and juxtapose it against Kendrick's authenticity and hard-earned success. This conversation leads us to a critical examination of Rishi Sunak's controversial tenure as the UK's Prime Minister, scrutinising his leadership challenges and the subsequent Labour Party victory. Recognising our strengths is crucial, whether in the boardroom or on the global stage.

Closing this episode, let's confront power dynamics and personal integrity in both politics and the workplace. We'll address microaggressions faced by Black women enjoying luxuries, emphasising the necessity of setting boundaries and maintaining self-worth. By sharing these insights, I aim to equip you with the tools needed to thrive professionally while safeguarding your mental health. Tune in for a rich, empowering discussion designed to celebrate your successes and arm you with the strategies to navigate professional challenges.

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Music (Intro and Outro) Written and created by Nomadic Star

Speaker 1:

Mandating a 90-day notice period for exiting employees by expecting new hires to join within 7-15 days is the biggest corporate hypocrisy that has been institutionalised as a standard practice for years. It's a double standard that reeks of unfairness and disregards the value of employees' time, and that was posted on instagram by handle batolan korea. Hey everybody, welcome to this week's episode of the toy tools podcast. How are you doing? How is life? For those of you who are listening for the first time, welcome. Please acquaint yourself with some of the older episodes so that you can kind of get a feel of what we do here.

Speaker 1:

And if you don't know who I am, my, my name is Toya Washington. I teach, educate and advise women how to navigate the world of work and highlight the path of our success. I speak to Black women first because I am a Black woman. I then speak to all women and then anyone else who wants to listen, wants to learn, wants to grow in their career. I have been a commercial contract manager for over 10 years and I've worked for a number of well-known organisations, one of which Goldman Sachs, another PWC, the list goes on. I've worked both in the public, private and third sector, including the charity sector as well, and I have attained a level of success in my career and it hasn't been easy and I'm still. I've still set goals and things like that for myself. But the process of having a strategy, understanding how to identify micro, macro aggressions, how to deal with conflict, how to deal with those macro and macroaggressions, how to navigate strategically in order to align yourself with what your objectives are in success and how you see success, how to get to the bag, how to set boundaries, how to deal with imposter syndrome, how to build confidence the list of topics is endless and I'm so proud of the body of work that we have both created here on the Toy Talks podcast and for those of you who toy up, this is not frequent enough. Well, I have a body of work. There was a period where I was posting every single week without fail, then bi-weekly, and I've since become a mum. I've gone permanent where I was a contractor for a really long time and I still consult on the side. I still do other things, but I'm committing to this perm life and I'm still trying to get used to it, and we're going to get into that bit later.

Speaker 1:

The last time I recorded in the UK, we were being ruled by a conservative government. Things have changed and I was actually considering recording a podcast episode just before the UK elections and I thought you know, no, I'm not going to do that and partly because I'm kind of fed up with the UK and British politics, I was in a conundrum for a really long time about who to vote for. I couldn't really align myself with any one party's manifesto. The leading parties are the Conservatives and the Labour Party and then the Lib Dems. Right, those are the three parties, but the two I've just mentioned, the two Labour and Conservative are the two main parties. I don't align with any one of their policies. Upon doing some research, though, I realised I do align with any one of their policies. Upon doing some research, though, I realise I do align with the working class party, but the problem there is not. They don't have MPs in every. They don't have MPs that represent that party in every area. So you may want to vote the working class party, but they don't have a candidate that's standing for them in your area. Who do you vote for? And I think politics is quite a contentious topic, and I've said this earlier on in the toy talk podcasts.

Speaker 1:

There are a couple of things you don't discuss in the world of work. One of them is politics because, also, when you start having the discussion about politics, you actually start unveiling certain things about people, some of their racial inclinations, and while some of you may think, well, I need to know who I'm dealing with. I don't always think the world of work creates a safe space to speak about politics. People will judge you based on the things you say. They will make assumptions and also there is a certain veil that I don't mind having in the world of work when I know you're racist and you are, you know aligning yourself with a racist party and then coming to talk to me about equal ops when you're your. So I just don't want to unveil what I really know and use politics to. I can't. I just can't.

Speaker 1:

I have problems with Keir Starmer. The Labour Party and Keir Starmer, under the leadership of Keir Starmer and Keir Starmer himself, in my opinion, hate black women because you can't like black women and treat Diane Abbott in the way in which she has been treated. They only reinstated her as the party whip because of the uproar from the community about the way she was treated. You see, keir Starmer wanted to restore her. What he did actually was restored her whip, restore her. What he did actually was restored her whip, so basically restoring her ability to be an MP, basically representing the constituency in which she does, but then not allowing or taking his time to make a decision about whether she could stand as a Labour candidate for her constituency. And what he was doing there is trying to appease the Black community by reinstating her but stop any future of her having any further dealings as an MP and basically force her out. And we see that all the time in the world of work, where they will maybe they have suspended you, they bring you back, but they're forcing you out. You know that type of thing and that's exactly the situation with Diane Abbott.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, she was able to stand as a candidate in a constituency I think it's Hackney and something north or something I don't know, east London and she won her seat and I think it's 10 years running or just over 10 years, and I think it's amazing. But I just, I just I wish I could sit down and have a conversation with diane abbott, maybe when she retires or if she decides to retire, because I'd like to know from her. I get it, you know you want to stand to represent the people you're passionate about being an mp, I get that, but there's there's a level of abuse in which us, as black women, we take on a sustained level and sometimes, for your mental health, it's just better to walk away, because once you lose your mental health, that's it. You've lost everything. Your mental health is so important. So for me to see and witness how she's being treated and this is before she's actually been able to sit and tell us the real raw of the treatment she's received this is the treatment that we've either observed, we've heard from third parties or we have seen in, in, in in the houses of parliament. I think I beg to to, I'm scared and I shudder to ever imagine what she has like, her treatment behind closed doors, and I feel like if she was to write a book, it would be a bestseller, definitely New York Times bestseller, if she was to release it over there as well, because you know our US cousins are very interested in the UK politics and the royal family, so I'm sure there is an audience there for this book, diane Abbott.

Speaker 1:

Um, and I think it should be called the life and times of Diane Abbott, literally the life and time, because I feel like she's lived a really interesting life and the times in which she's lived, how many decades has she been an MP for? Under how many different prime ministers she's been an MP as a Labour candidate that even I'd love to ask it like, why Labour? Why, like what is it about Labour? Why not another party, obviously outside of the Conservatives? Like what is it about? You know those leaders that you're willing to work under, like, what is that about? And I just, I think for me it's because, you see, the Labour Party is Diane Abbott's world of work. I have a whole podcast episode about Diane Abbott and her treatment. But that's the world of work.

Speaker 1:

I just feel like, as black women, we stay longer than we need to, because I think there's an element of defiance in us which again, it's from a space of survival, but the defiance of not wanting to give up even though you're at breaking point and you're about to break. And there's an element, I believe, as black women, whereby we feel that we can handle that level of stress and pain and it's quite mentally, it's quite mentally destructive. And I feel like, as black women, the reason we hold on is because we haven't broken, as if breaking is like confirmation that we can't take anymore. And I feel like there's times when we have to step in front of ourselves and say, actually I don't need to be broken to, to feel like I can break. You should know, or we should know, as human beings, that we can't bleed just like everyone else. So to be broken cannot be a badge of honor in any way. And I believe isn't Diane Abbott like 70 years old or something?

Speaker 1:

And I say that because I feel like with Diane Abbott, I feel like she's 70 years old and there is no care or be kind levied towards her and at her age I'm like how much more can you really take before you yourself are like my dignity will not allow. Do you know what I mean? I just I think I've just got into that stage of my life where I realized that I don't need to be broken to know I can break. To be broken to know I can break. I'm there. If it gets too much, I will walk away At work. If it gets too much and I'm sounding those alarms, I'm not going to wait for you to talk me into continuing mental torture that I'm enduring under your regime. I will go, because your mental health I mean, I mean there's no.

Speaker 1:

When I say there's no second chances with mental health, what I mean is, once you're broken, once there is a low point, and then you risk of re-entering that low point because it's like that vortex has been open. If that makes sense, I hope that makes sense because, god damn, I'm really happy for her. You know she stood as an mp, that's what she wanted and she fulfilled that. But I just always wonder to what cost? Before we get into rishis on that, because we need to learn some lessons, can we talk about kendrick lamar? They're not like us. They're not like us. You're probably a minor.

Speaker 1:

Sorry listen, who is it that was telling me? They always feel like drake is being bullied by the industry. Well, he, if he is being bullied, I don don't think he sees it that way. He is so desperate to be a roadman. It's just weird personally. And when he is in his mansion talking about everyone's wives, girlfriends, mamas I don't think that sounds like someone being bullied baby. But you see, kendrick Lamar, I need to know what star signing is. I feel like he's giving Libra vibes, because Kendrick Lamar is a he. He exudes, he exudes, you know, like in the bible, it said God said, vengeance is mine. Kendrick is like oh, I can't wait on you, god, because I need to see vengeance in this lifetime. You know it was michelle obama. Michelle obama said when they go low, we go high. Kendrick lamar says no, when drake goes low, I'm the hell. Apparently, they think that he's gonna get what is it? Oh god. I can't remember the award, but he's set to get many awards for this song and I'm not even gonna lie, it's a bop.

Speaker 1:

The lyrics are amazing and, drake, I'm gonna need you to understand. Yeah, you still have to respect those who have built their career off the back of hard work. You were brought in through a buy-in of Lil Wayne and, don't get me wrong, drake is very talented. But I always feel with Drake he always oversteps, yeah, and he doesn't. I don't always feel with Drake that he acknowledges his privilege. Drake has privilege. He does. He doesn't acknowledge it, and a lot of the artists that are really dominating have had to work their way like they. They, they didn't have a rich parent, they didn't have. You know, a lot of the artists, especially in in the states, I feel, have a backstory that is then the platform for their great music.

Speaker 1:

And I feel like Hendrick Lamar is like a living legend. What did he do to you Like, how did this all start? Listen, when did all this rap beat start? I was in Kenya, so I just saw K, just like he was like this is the greatest battle of hip-hop history of all time. And then, obviously, I'm always late to the party, but I'll always attend. And then I heard Kendrick Lamar they're not like us. I was like they're not like us at all, honey.

Speaker 1:

Right, let's move on to Rishi Sunak. So I'm hoping that you all know who Rishi Sunak is. Right, he was a former prime minister of the UK up until last week and the former leader of the Labour Party up until I think he resigned today, didn't he? Or was it yesterday, I remember? But yeah, he's neither of those anymore.

Speaker 1:

I'm just going to be very honest about my view here, as always. But Rishi Sunak, the problem I have with him is and and the lessons we have to learn is, you need to know what you're good at. Not every, not everyone, can be a performer on the stage. We can't all be the lead singer. You can't always be the lead character. You can't always be the lead singer. Somebody has to be the sound engineer. I'd be good at that. Somebody has to be able to be a really good backup singer. Someone needs to be a really good bass player. We can't all crowd to the front of the stage, but you have to know what you are good at.

Speaker 1:

Rishi Sunak was never the first choice to lead the Conservative Party. I hope I didn't say he was the leader of the Labour Party. Sorry, he's a former leader of the Conservative Party. Ah, this is what happened Balancing career and life. I feel like the problem with Rishi Sunak is he got too big for his boots. I think he always wanted to be the Prime Minister and that's why, even when he was the chancellor I believe that it was not the chancellor of Exchequer when Boris Johnson was the leader of the conservative party and the prime minister. I think the way which is selected um did Boris, he did him dirty and one thing is, when you do people dirty like that, you put a seed of karma in the world and you're going to get it back and I feel like what's happened the level of humiliation, the landslide, historical victory of the Labour Party is testament to the fact that Rishi Sunak, people do not like you. You went, you were not elected by the people and you was not the first choice to be elected as a Conservative Party leader. It was to what's this woman's name I was going to say to Rosamie, I can't remember. Listen, the lady that was the Prime Minister of the Conservative, the Prime Minister of the UK and the leader of the Conservative Party, liz Trust, was the Prime Minister and the leader of the Labour Party for less than a week, I believe it was maybe just shy of a week, but she was chosen by the Conservative Party to lead, and remember what happened is Rishi Sunak was contesting to lead the Conservatives, liz Truss and a couple of others. Right Then it came down to the wire where the Conservative Party had to choose who they wanted to be leader.

Speaker 1:

They would have. They rather chose a white woman who's the second, who would be the second female prime minister of the uk, and rishi sunak. This is rishi sunak that also said that he is opposed to charge of the example that racism does not exist. This is what this man said. Then I can't remember the part. Oh, there was these demonstrators. They broke into his house, which, to be honest, I think is disgusting because Rishi Sunak has small kids and they took a dump in his pond and then called him the P word.

Speaker 1:

Rishi Sunak then came onto TV and said he repeated the word and so basically he said he was racially discriminated against in front of his daughter. And I was like, rishi, hang on a minute. So racism doesn't exist because you're the poster child. But you've now experienced racism and now suddenly you see racism. And this is the problem with Rishi Sanak the lack of consistency of character.

Speaker 1:

You then become the leader of the Conservative Party because Liz Trust resigns. There was nobody else that could have possibly taken over her job. Then you take the role as if you had been elected, as if you were the first choice, and you forgot yourself. You forgot that people do not have to like you but they should respect you, because respect, on its bare bones, is people believe that even within you you stand by certain set of principles, and for me Rishi Sunak does not exhibit that. He doesn't exude leader to me at all anyway, and the reason why he was very reluctant to call a general election is because he knew that he wouldn't win.

Speaker 1:

But I think what he was more gobsmacked at is the landslide victory and it broke records in terms of the amount of seats that the Conservatives actually lost, said is it 1882 or whatever 18, 1980 or whatever the year? But you know this is basically the labour have a massive, strong majority in terms of seats in the houses of parliament and the conservative party have basically, through the voting, public, been told we do not want to. Now it was a bit lazy of the labour party. I'm not gonna lie by saying vote for change, when 14 years of the Conservative Party is a long time, so kind of you know the vote for change thing. I thought, oh, come on, that's a bit lacklustre. Fine, but I digress. Rishi Sunak is the example of wanting to be a leader so badly but not actually having the ability to lead. To be a leader so badly but not actually having the ability to lead, not being able to inspire people to want you to lead the country.

Speaker 1:

Rishi Sunak was even the Rwanda plan. Right, that Rwanda bill Suella Braverman was really clear. She says this isn't going anywhere. They spent millions and millions upon millions of pounds to set up like the deportation places or the homes, or deportation homes, but you know what I mean. In Rwanda they paid the government over there in Rwanda to basically set up where, when they are now sending them over, to sending what they would call illegal immigrants to Rwanda, the setup of the infrastructure of that whole process the UK paid for it. The chartering of the infrastructure of that whole process the UK paid for it. The chartering of the planes. They will now come and tell me about Greenpeace and how to save on pollution. You paid for chartered flights to go to Rwanda, so isn't it sort of a brave man that even went to Rwanda to go and check it out? So that one, she was endorsing it as well, so let's not even go there. But she did throw Rishi under the bus. But again, why wouldn't you if you were her in that position and all the rest of it? Yeah, rishi Senak's legacy may be that he is the former president, prime minister, of the UK, but it's also going to be that he lost. He lost re-election by a landslide. That's crazy to me, because that's what people are going to remember.

Speaker 1:

You have to understand that not everybody can be a leader and not everybody must lead from the front. We have to also take the point here that no one wants to really be a richie cynic, do you? Because me, I personally don't. When you focus on your focus and you focus on your ordained journey, you'll be good at that because that's what has been ordained for you. But you can't want to be benefiting from somebody else's journey, or you can't want somebody else's victories because you think, okay, well, I have that level of experience. Or, you know, I feel like I'm on that person's you know level because I've studied and I've done all of this. What is for you will never pass you, but what you decide to take you may not be able to hold on to. And that is what Rishi Sunak signifies to me that you can't always number one. When you, I applied for a job a few years ago, right, uh, I say I applied for, but it was through an agency.

Speaker 1:

I applied for this job, right, and I had an interview and the interview went well. It went well in so far as it was more now about personality, fit. It wasn't anything about the work, bearing in mind I have been contract I was contracting for over seven years, so I've seen a lot and there's still a lot to learn, of course, but in terms of experience, I don't think that was called into question at all, but now I think it was more about personality fit right, but for all intents and purposes the interview went really well. I didn't end up getting that job.

Speaker 1:

I have a friend in my industry and I call her a friend because we've built up a really lovely friendship. It's really nice and she's one person who I really trust in terms of if I needed her to peer review, if I needed her to peer review, I would go to that friend because I genuinely think she's really good at her job. I trust her opinion, I trust her experience to be able to kind of peer review or give me contractual advice. I would trust her and she basically had applied for a role at this particular organisation. Now, this is where the world is small. So she ended up getting a job. World is small, so she ended up getting a job and she has been living in hell. Hell because the woman that interviewed me is interviewed my friend and is obviously my friend's land manager. So this world is so small. So when my friend told me about this world and what she's going through, I was like, oh my god, I had an interview there.

Speaker 1:

I didn't actually get the job. I said who interviewed you? She told me. I said Jesus. She said to me Toya, god loves you so much. God loves you.

Speaker 1:

You talk about your ancestors. They are really protecting. Protecting you because if you had got this job and taken it, toya, they would have run you mad. And the thing is, you would have to blow up the spot, as in you would have to cuss out the woman and leave, because the woman is crazy. My friend went ahead and showed me screenshots of conversations with this woman. She's just being unnecessarily aggressive, obstructive, disrespectful. I couldn't even believe somebody could write the things that that woman did.

Speaker 1:

The reason I give this story is sometimes, when you are rejected for a job, it's because your ancestors and the Lord Jesus Christ is trying to protect you. Sometimes what you deem as a rejection is actually a protection. What you deem as a rejection is probably a protection. Rishis Sulak. They never selected you. Your ancestors were trying to tell you something. The Lord Jesus Christ was trying to tell you something, but you would not relent. Personally, for me, if I'm not your first choice, I'm definitely not going to be waiting in the wings to be your second choice, because I'm not that desperate for it.

Speaker 1:

Whatever it is, he was not selected by his own party to lead them. He was not the first choice when Liz Truss resigned. Yeah, backup plan, that's vicious enough. It's the backup plan. And now his legacy has been tarnished by the fact that he lost the party leadership when it came to the people to decide. See, when it came to the Conservatives to decide, you weren't even their first choice, and now the people have decided they don't even want any of you Conservatives. As limited as much as possible. That's crazy, because being a Prime Minister is a big deal like even and he's not just a Prime Minister, he's the first asian prime minister here in the uk. That is huge, but nobody's remembering that. What people are remembering is how badly he lost.

Speaker 1:

You need to think about when I talk about learning lessons from Shista. You need to think about how much you respect yourself enough to know when to walk away. Remember how I started this. As women, as black women. For some reason we're doing endurance. I'm letting everybody know I'm low iron honey. There is a limit to what I can endure and I have a lack of patience of of even being able to deal with bullshit.

Speaker 1:

I love myself enough to know my worth and I place value on my worth, and that means placing value on my worth is also extracting myself out of situations that do not serve my purpose and objective in life. That's the level of betting on yourself. You need to bet on yourself. I said it before on my instagram I bet on me. I bet on me because I've taken years to understand who I am. I've walked in that wilderness and I have a podcast called walking in the wilderness. I've done the reflection, I've done the learning from experience and continue to learning from experience. I am a student of life and I say I said to my friend actually, who's actually really being bullied at work in a way that I even I was just flabbergasted at the ferociousness of the bullying and I said to my friend I said, listen, it takes years, years to build self-confidence, because you're also battling self-doubt, but it can take two minutes to crush someone's self-esteem. It takes years to build self-confidence, two minutes to break it and break someone's self-esteem. And for me personally, I'm not willing to compromise the years of growth, the building that I'm continuing to build, to allow somebody two minutes of an opportunity to break me just because they can or they think they can.

Speaker 1:

Amongst all of this, rishi Sunak is a multi-millionaire. His wife is an heir to a billion pound fortune, so I'm sure he'll be crying in his lamborghini or crying in his multi-million pound, zillion pound house. I know that, but the reality is he's still a human being and legacy is important, because if legacy wasn't important to him, he would have been. He would have been so desperate to be the prime minister, but it cost him his dignity. He had to give up his dual nationality. His integrity was constantly called into question. His source of his wealth was criticized, criticised constantly. I mean, is this the price of power? That's crazy to me, and this is the part of politics maybe I just don't understand, because what he, what Richard Sunak has gone through and he's gone through something, don't ever limit it because he was a prime minister. He's gone through a lot, you know, and even though he wants to make himself the poster child of oh, there's no racism here in the UK, I believe that anybody who is of colour and you are sitting there saying that racism doesn't exist you've got traumas that you need to work through because you know it does. So you're saying that to hide away from us uncovering the trauma that you've gone through and now patching it up with lies. That's rubbish. Rishi Sunak should be an example to us all. Go where you are celebrated, stay where you are wanted.

Speaker 1:

I can't work for an organization where they treat me like shit or where I am bullied so bad that going into the office is like wrenching the pit of my stomach. That was Toya in her 20s, where I sit now. If I could go back in time and speak to my 20 year old self, I will say Toya, put some respect on yourself, because as you are building character and you're learning and you're falling down, you're picking yourself up. You are not a football to be kicked around. You should not feel that you're building resilience or you're building anything by taking abuse. It doesn't. Taking abuse does not build character, it crushes character. My friend, that's being bullied.

Speaker 1:

Now, if it was, if it's the case of oh, I've never worked with this friend before, I would say ah, friends, give me a full picture. I didn't have to ask for a full picture. When I say a full picture, I mean a real holistic view. I never had to ask her that because I've worked with her before. So I know her character and we've built a friendship. I know her and I said to her there would never be a situation where this would ever be deserved, by the way. I told her.

Speaker 1:

I said but you have to advocate for yourself. She said, toy, you know I just want to get through my contract. I said you're not going to be able to get through your contract. You're not sleeping Sunday six o'clock, you're having constipation or you're having diarrhea, it's one or the other. Your hair is going gonna start dropping out. Yeah, you're gonna start entering the world of depression. You don't have to endure anything, but you know what you have to do. I told her you've got to bet on yourself. I said what's the worst that can happen? You talk to your manager and they terminate your contract because you can't get any other contract. I said I'll make it my mission to give you a new opportunity. I said but it's not about you telling your manager. It's not about that. It's about being able to look back on this situation and know that you bet on yourself by advocating for yourself.

Speaker 1:

I said you get to a certain stage in life and in your career where you realize that if you do not advocate for yourself, it's like you are complicit in what, in the insults and the bullying you are receiving in an organization where you're being paid and the person's bullying is also being paid. What's the difference? What's the difference between you and that woman? She still has to sit down to use the toilet. You sit down to use the toilet. You cut, you bleed like her. She bleeds like, so what's the difference? There's no difference. The only thing that she thinks that separates both of you is because she thinks she's better than you, because she's more senior than you and she's your boss.

Speaker 1:

I said listen, a true leader doesn't have to crush the junior members of staff to feel empowered. A true leader supports. A true leader allows you to be who you are, set the boundaries and allow you to operate and work in your greatness. A real leader is a person that will take you aside, advise you but in front of others, will not only defend you but support you. A true leader, a true boss, a true person that understands how to manage people, is able to understand that mental health is critical and your mental health is being compromised. Do you know?

Speaker 1:

My friend sat up a meeting with her boss, explained what was happening. Do you know that? My friend then said to me that her boss was shocked. Her boss was shocked. He didn't believe that this woman could bully her. She gave examples. He was done, found it. He said don't worry, leave this to me, I'm going to do X Y Z, x Y Z, x Y Z. Let me check in with you.

Speaker 1:

At the end of the week my friend called me back. She said, talia, whether he does anything or not, it's immaterial. Really. Do you know how good it felt that I was advocating for myself and setting boundaries on what I expect and how I expect to be treated, and that I was no longer going to take nonsense, because just because I'm a contractor doesn't mean I have less rights than somebody who's a per member of staff. I'm still a human being. I have a right to be respected and have dignity in the workplace. I said, yes, you do, darling, and you're going to look back in this situation and I promise you, no matter how you have felt, no matter how much this woman has made you feel, you advocated for yourself, and that, to me, is not only only brave but signifies somebody who is no longer going to take the bullshit.

Speaker 1:

That very same woman was angry at my friend for complaining about her bullying her. I said to my friend so what she wanted you to suffer in silence. Is she mad? So she's angry that you told her boss? That's crazy. So what does she expect you to do? I said to my friend you see, that person, that's a career bully, as in, she spends her career bullying people and she gets away with it, because the normal consequence is somebody. You may push somebody far enough and they're either going to meet you where you are, they're going to go to your boss or they're going to go to HR. I said to my friend you're even better than me. I had to tell her Do you remember that podcast episode, bully Boss? No, is it? No, I don't think it's Bully Boss. Oh, I can't remember the episode. I can't remember what the episode's called, but do you remember that guy that tried to bully me? And when I made a formal complaint against him, I attached all my evidence and I copied him into the complaint to HR because he needed to know what I was tabling against him.

Speaker 1:

You see one thing with me I'll never look for your trouble, but if you look for mine, you will find it in abundance, because I've worked so damn hard to get to where I am, both academically experience and psychologically. Not now I'm landing somewhere to come and earn my money. You're coming here to make my life hell because I represent what you do not like. I represent legitimacy. I have not had to depend on any um privilege and obviously there doesn't see any fragility in black women. So we know I'm the fucking real deal. So there's absolutely no way, no way on god's earth, that anybody will think that you can try me and get away with it. You will not. And as I'm dealing with you, I'm reporting you to the ancestors at the same time. Double whammy. Don't try it with me. I am respectful to a point and when you reach that point you will know you won't even sleep because their ancestors will be visiting you dealing with you. Don't try it with me ever.

Speaker 1:

Vishy sunak compromise his dignity. In my opinion, he compromises dignity and unfortunately, not everybody's a leader. He's not a leader. He's not, and the party didn't believe in his leadership. That's why they never chose him. They chose Liz. Trust over him.

Speaker 1:

You have to do what you are, what good at. You cannot have the same strengths as somebody else. You may want the same things as they have but, my dear, you're willing to go on the journey. You see, when people start wanting what other people have. The thing is, people don't always show the lows of the journey they had to go to, but you act like the lows don't exist. So what are you really wishing for? The hell and the lows that somebody went through to get that? That's what you want for yourself. You should be wanting what god has ordained for you, what the ancestors have before you, not what somebody else has, because you cannot handle it. You don't know what they had to go through or sacrifice to get that thing. So let us take this opportunity to learn from politics, because what happens in politics usually happens in life.

Speaker 1:

Remember I've told you this before. I've told you I had a meeting today and I'm in my oversized era okay, my oversized shirts and I was sharing it today on Instagram that my fashion has completely changed and I think part of it is getting older. I think part of it is, um, knowing who I am, being comfortable in my own skin, acclimatizing to my new body post birth and really just, I have a big passion for fashion. I love fashion. I could talk about fashion all day, and some people may not know this, but I really love fashion and actually on a weekend, I went into London with my daughter and my husband and I've always been saying to Kate I want to change up my fashion. I need to clear out my wardrobe. I've got so many things that they're no longer my style. I'm holding on to clothes that don't fit when I know I'm not going to lose that weight to be able to accommodate that outfit and I could just never find anything. And I'm done with zara, I'm done with mango and it's like that higher, well, higher end, high street, fast fashion. I'm done with it. I don't want to look like a clown. I don't want to wear something in somebody's I've got. I and I'm really into sustainable fashion. I really wanted to have some capsule pieces, and when I say capsule pieces, I mean some timeless pieces that you could just re-wear and wear with different things, and for me, fashion is a form of expression through clothing. That's what it is right, and you get to play around with it and you get to. You know, you get to play with colors and I love that, because I don't wear that much color, but now I'm going to be wearing a lot more color, and I say this to say so.

Speaker 1:

I had a meeting today. I remember I told you in the last episode. There's a woman that keeps checking for me. Do you remember? I told you guys, see one thing with me I observe people. I do my due diligence. I have a podcast episode called due diligence, earlier on in the seasons of the Toys for Sports podcast. Go and listen, because I live by what I teach. You all know that. Due diligence, earlier on in the seasons of the Toy Talks podcast. Go and listen, because I live by what I teach. You all know that. So I'm in this meeting now and the meeting's with the rest of the team, the colleague that's always checking for me.

Speaker 1:

She said something today. She says Toya, have you just rolled out of bed? Are you in your pyjamas? You all know I don't start shit. I really don't. I mind my business. You know I really mind my business and I'll tell you why. Because I'm never the one. So since I know myself, it's better that I'm just focused on myself. You understand, I'm never in a puzzle not working, never, it's not me. But when you make me your focus, when you come for me, you're going to set the stage for your own problems. So I stood up. I said this is an oversized shirt. I said I can't believe you would ever even think that this looks like a PJ, it's like. Then she was laughing. So I was like okay, okay, I'm gonna laugh with you. Okay, since you want to check for me what she did there is.

Speaker 1:

She done two things. She tried to embarrass me in front of the team and she wanted to plant a seed where they will now think ah, I swear, really rolled out of bed. So in a way she's trying to insinuate I'm lazy, not based on anything than what she thinks I'm wearing. That's number one. Number two she's testing me. She's testing me. She knows the boundary, but she's testing the boundary Like a small child. Now you tell the child don't put your hand there. You look over there. The hand will be hovering. She'll say don't put your hand there. Sometimes you have to be strategic. I'm going to get her. And you know one thing with me me better not look for my trouble, because when the trouble come, you will not know how to deal with it. See this lady that's always checking for me.

Speaker 1:

She went on to make comments. So, um, obviously they know about've got a child. I don't have to hide that. We're all perm. Let us perm, perm in it. But I'm very guarded. I don't really share, apart from I've got a daughter. They recently found out I was married, I don't know my ring was it not shining that day me? I don't know this.

Speaker 1:

This same woman said she was talking about something and she was saying oh toya, I bet when your daughter starts losing her teeth you have a tiffany set. You you've probably got a tiffany set to keep her teeth in and you've probably got to say a tiffany shirt set for her birth certificate. Tiffany, this tiffany that. This woman said this all unprovoked. She was just talking. Let me tell you something. You know, when you want to know the soul of somebody, just shut it up. Shut up. She's talking. I'm quiet as a church rat. I'm just watching her. You know what she's demonstrating to me. I make her feel very insecure just by existing.

Speaker 1:

So, in true ibobabe fashion, I'm gonna give her what she's looking for. Every time she sees me. I'm gonna be in something expensive, because clearly luxury and the fact that this black woman has any form of luxury is doing her something. Why would you even say I've got a tiffany? I don't even have a tiffany set for my daughter. Where did you get that from? It's what you've in your head.

Speaker 1:

You've got a story about me. Just because I come in, I dress well. Let me tell you the truth whenever, anytime, I go in that office, I dress well. Listen, I just told you I love fashion, but I know what suits me, so I don't wear what's trending, I wear what suits me. I remember I told you guys last episode I like handbags that's my jam handbags and trainers. I will. I love exclusive trainers. I have a lot of nice trainers and I have a nice handbags. I worked hard for that. I'm telling you, no one can tell me I haven't worked hard for my. I've worked hard for it. If I want something, I save for it and I will have it.

Speaker 1:

Black women, let us stop having to justify our luxuries. I think when you question a black woman about her happiness and the source of her happiness and her luxuries, it's a microaggression that's laced in racism. That's the truth. But they're not ready for that conversation. This woman is checking for me. What is she checking for me? Um, listen, you know, one me, one thing with me when my mouth is ready to bazooka, it's a wrap. So I'm playing a game with her. I'm letting her off her mind off her mind and then I'm gonna do her since the things that I'm not even making a big deal about is a problem for you, you're gonna suffocate. Then every time you see me, I'm going to be in something expensive. And the next time she says something, I'm gonna say to her what is it that black women can't enjoy nice things, or that it being polarized as something negative? I'm gonna say to her and I'll let you guys know the answer to that question, when I say done, because you know what we're never going to do. You're never going to use something I enjoy mine's in my business to try and embarrass me, because that's what it is. We're not friends.

Speaker 1:

Let me tell you something. For those of you that will say ah, it's just a joke. You see, the problem with this joke, joke, joke. Don't even come to me with the word banter, because I think the word banter is dumb. Is banter, banter, banter? Did I tell Batman about banter? What rubbish is that?

Speaker 1:

But the problem with these cheap jokes is this when you have friends, you make jokes with them because you've developed the type of relationship where you're able to identify what is at least a joke, because you have a relationship with that person, right? How can you try to crack a joke about something personal? But you don't know me personally. That's not a joke. That is a stage to table your insecurities. So what I'm going to do is make you feel or what I'm gonna do is make you feel as though your insecurities are your problem, because it's your problem. What you're never gonna do is try to embarrass me, because I like nice things. It is not my fault that you've been wearing the same trainers since 1965.

Speaker 1:

Don't try me, because when I was suffering, I didn't see anybody. When I couldn't even afford sanitary pad and I had to roll tissue, I didn't see anybody. When I didn't have a handbag to take into the office and I had to use brown tape to sellotape the handle of my bag that was broken, I didn't see anybody. When my electricity went off because I'd used even the emergency money or the key and I had to wait the next day to top up because I was getting paid the next day, I didn't see anybody. I make no apologies for the things I have that I have worked hard for, because, let me tell you, when I was suffering in that library drafting coursework, I didn't see anybody. When I was in exam, busting my brain, navigating dyslexia, I didn't see anybody. So the very fact I'm in the same table as you Don't ever think I'm new to this. I grew to this.

Speaker 1:

Since you want to put both of our leg in one trouser, I will use your insecurities to embarrass you because I didn't start this, but what I'm damn well gonna make sure is that I end this because, dear black women, you are not a punching bag for other people's insecurities. You must go where you're wanted, you must go where you're celebrated and you must put your mental health first, because what we're not about to do is allow people to continuously use microaggressions to abuse us. Why must you allow somebody to play table tennis on your emotions? If this was 20 year old Toya, this woman would say this I will now send an email. I would don't know that I would drag her in my 20s because in my early 20s I had no chill whatsoever. In fact, ice cream will melt because there was no chill. I was always hot, but when I understood how to get my emotions in order and be strategic, that's when I started experiencing success. You see this woman.

Speaker 1:

People say, oh yeah, you know, she's just trying to be friendly, get to know you. You don't know me. How can you be friendly? You're not my friend. Why can't we keep it professionally cute? But since you want to go down that avenue, I'm a nigerian baby, let's not forget it. I like to respect people, you know, because me, I like my respect. But don't disrespect me, because I'm being polite, because what happens is, if you don't, if you don't nip these things in the bud, everybody around will not think I can operate like that. Do you know? I have a friend.

Speaker 1:

She is embarrassed to wear her wedding ring because her colleagues kept talking about how rich her, her husband, must be, or whatever. So she felt self-conscious that they were now judging her because every time she'll go to work drinks they'll make her pay. She came to tell me I says you know something, you're not a serious person. I said so you go engage marriage, suffering to get to where you are in life and your colleagues are making you feel uncomfortable with your wedding ring and you're going to after work drinks and you're paying for them. I said it's not your fault. I said you've got too much money Because me, you can't catch me. I said when you go there, that's when they find time to disrespect you because you haven't even put boundaries on your time. So they think that you're just international football. They will cuss you in the UK office, cuss you in the Canadian office, cuss you in the Australian office, and you're coming to tell me.

Speaker 1:

I said babes, physician, heal thyself. You need to claw this back, babes. Gone are the days where black women have to justify their luxuries. That is laced in microaggression. I said it's akin to saying that you shouldn't have nice things because you're a black woman. I mean, excuse me, what's my race got to do with the things I like? I wanna? Seriously, I said hey, sod this sin Before they disrespect you in such a way that you can't come back from.

Speaker 1:

Dear black women, I hope that we understand the messaging I'm trying to see, not just black women, women in general. Let us learn from Rishi Sunak. It's really important. There's so many lessons. The themes are brought out are just tip of the iceberg of the things to learn. Let's learn from our mistakes, let's continue to be students of life and, more importantly, let's learn to prioritize our mental health, because women, we do not do that. We don't do it enough at all, because we're too busy doing endurance while Choma is doing assurance.

Speaker 1:

Sorry, anyway, I'm gonna leave it there. Hopefully you've enjoyed this episode, hopefully you can share it, discuss it in your group chats, tweet it. Hopefully that it's been able to resonate with you and you're able to pick something, and even if you just learn one thing, I'm grateful. Uh, thank you for all your support, thank you for your love, thank you for your commitment to the podcast, thank you for all the re-listeners as well, because I know some of you really listen to episodes, take the learnings and go out there and shine like the stars you are. I'm so grateful that I'm able to provide, you know, a platform where we can feel safe and we can talk and we can grow and we can teach and educate as we navigate the world of work, because the world of work is a navigation honey. You think navigation is just restricted to gps? Where're slaying lions and tigers and bears in the office? We are navigating it, though. Anyway, until next time, my name is Toy Washington and you have been listening to the Toy Talks Podcast.