The Toya Talks Podcast
The education system teaches us to learn and recall information and at the end of it we are tested and expected to then pass exams. After all said and done the reality is, we are supposed to get a job at the end of it. I was unaware of the difficulties I would encounter at work especially as a Black Woman. How do I navigate work and how do I keep a job? Education institutions do not prepare you for work, racism, bullying, and oppressive managers in the workplace. Where the education system has not prepared you, I will. Toya Talks is a platform birthed on my day to day uploads on Snapchat. I discuss the realities of work from the perspective of a Black Woman and how I have successfully navigated work using my experiences. Toya Talks Podcast covers the world of work and not just the corporate world. Black Women for too long have been overlooked and underrepresented in the workplace. Toya Talks is a safe place and a platform to share, grow and learn, more importantly, educate ourselves and everyone else so we can navigate and grow in the world of work more smoothly. This Podcast contains my opinions and feelings based on my lived experiences, my opinions and my Black experience. My views and experiences are in no way intended to cause offence. Lets put the sensitivity to one side, prepare to laugh, learn & grow!!!!
The Toya Talks Podcast
Course Correct - (End of Year Episode 2024)
End of year wrap up 2024.
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Music (Intro and Outro) Written and created by Nomadic Star
Toya Talks Council Estates, a corporate space, first gen Nigerian setting the pace From Goldman Sachs to PwC, building legacies for all to see. This lecture couldn't stop this flow Law degree just watch me grow. Masters of the game, we show Every sister how to own their throne. T-o-i-a, let me show you how to Navigate and elevate. That's what we do.
Speaker 2:Black Queen, energy growing. You don't have to live with anxiety because of the weird expectations of others. Let yourself be human instead of forcing yourself to be a machine. Your heart, nervous system and adrenal glands will thank you. And that was posted on Instagram by Corey Allen. His handle is at heycoreyallen. Hey everyone, listen, I am stressed. Today the devil is a liar, a big fat, dirty ugly. Liar Because I'm telling you right now, everything I have done has been to elevate the podcast.
Speaker 2:So I'm hoping that you've heard the intro and everything else, because I have a new editing software, logic Pro, and honey, you will know that I don't have anyone that does my editing. I do my recording, editing, mixing, mastering Is that a thing? Chop it, slice it. It. Put it together myself. Um, and also I want to thank Nomadic Star for the Toy Talks podcast intro. Yeah, it's the official intro of the Toy Talks podcast and for a really long time I didn't actually think I would do an intro.
Speaker 2:In fact, I would go as far as saying I I wasn't comfortable with intros because I think I would do an intro. In fact, I would go as far as saying I wasn't comfortable with intros because I think I was still trying to figure out the podcast and then I was like well, I want to be like everyone else, so I'd always open up with a quote, but I've gotten to a point where I think I've solidified the podcast, what it stands for, and the podcast itself has achieved so much. A lot of you listen and over the last year I've learned a lot. I've learned that even though I was recording what maybe once a month, if that over the last year, you guys have still stayed listening, you guys have re-listened, shared the podcast, and I think that is testament to the fact that this podcast is not only wanted but it's needed because it's being used and utilised.
Speaker 2:And you know, I had a conversation with myself. I was like you know what? I want to elevate the podcast a little. I want to get a new mic, I want the sound to be crisp, af. I don't want to be fidgeting around with the dials on the laptop, I just want to be able to come here and talk. And I feel like the last episode. I enjoyed it because I basically did a format that was natural to me and the format, the planning, the treatment there's a lot of work that goes into the episode, so for me.
Speaker 2:I needed to just kind of embrace the evolution of the podcast and what it's become. What it's, you know what it can become, how it can grow and, more importantly, just return to the essence of podcasting. And for me it's drawing from life's experiences to teach, guide and elevate black women in the world of work, to enable us to highlight the path of our success. I also got comfortable with a couple of things. You know, when, as black women, we toot our own horn, we're made to feel like we shouldn't number one and number two, we're called arrogant. We toot our own horn, we're made to feel like we shouldn't number one and number two, we're called arrogant. We're called all these things that are so negative. But when a white person toots their own horn, it's that person kind of acknowledging their successes. And I think as black women we don't do enough of that. And I have to get comfortable with saying certain things, because it doesn't mean that I'm limiting myself. I am a successful black woman and I have so much more to learn and so much growth to grow and so many things that I want to do, but I need to be able to comfortably sit and say I am a successful black woman, but it's not. I don't just stop at that Like. I want more. I want to be able to add to my success. I want my success to evolve, and part of that evolution is through the podcast, it's through teaching, it's through the website.
Speaker 2:That being said, I just want to thank you all for your patience. I want to thank you all to those who I featured in your wrap-ups on Spotify because, honestly, I think I think that I was just surprised. I wasn't expecting to do numbers on the wrap-up or I wasn't expecting to feature in people's like top five I. I really, because, you see, when I sit here and talk, I wasn't expecting to feature in people's like top five. I really, because, you see, when I sit here and talk, I don't. There's the expectation only is that you learn something. That is the expectation I come in here with and you know me and my dyslexia and my undiagnosed ADHD. Sometimes I'll be thinking like, is anybody listening? Sometimes I'm like girl, girl, do people get your personality? Like, are people really receiving what you're saying? And the numbers do not last. So I'm holding on to that.
Speaker 2:Um, so let's just get into the meat potatoes, the chicken, the rice, the stew of this podcast. So I think I'm calling this episode course correct. I think and you know what, even if I don't at this very moment that's what I think I'm going to call it. How about that? Also, I upgraded my microphone. I have a Shure mic and big up to Milena Sanchez, who a podcaster as well, and she spoke about this mic and it is designed for podcasters. And let me tell you my all, oh god, you see, I paused it. Yep, I could just touch it and mute the mic, by the way, but anyway, I think it's adding to the clarity of the episode. So I'm very excited.
Speaker 2:I've updated a few things. I've got an intro, updated the software, updated my microphone and I'm really just here giving you podcast episodes. I am leaning to doing once a week again, but let's just work our way to it. Okay, you're definitely going to get more than one episode a month, but I think we need to work our way back up to once a week. Is that a deal? Because I think that could work for both of us. Right?
Speaker 2:Education, education, education. Those were the famous words of Tony Blair. I grew up in the Blair era. I grew up in the Labour era. Back back, way back when I grew up in the labour era, back back, way back when I remember my first day at university University why am I talking about secondary school, honey? Oh goddamn. I remember my first day at secondary school and we had a welcome assembly and I was with my dad, right, and then we had a head teacher. His was Mr Shipley. Um, the secondary school I attended was Salisbury. It was one of the secondary schools. Now, just because I say it was one doesn't mean that I got kicked out of it. I had issues with certain situations that transpired and I had to um move during my GCSEs, but that is an episode for another day. But for the purposes of what we're discussing, I went to salisbury in is it edmonton, lower edmonton, is that what they're calling it? And mr shipley said he was talking about all the expectation, what they expect from us. This is that. And the third, and he said education, education, education. He made us all repeat, and my dad was just looking at me did you repeat this yesterday? Say it again education. When he says it, you say it loud. So, um, yesterday something really strange happened, but it it actually became the foundation of this episode.
Speaker 2:I'm at my own business. I do not live in London anymore. I am a Tottenham woman, a Tottenham Bay born and raised. I left Tottenham about two years ago and I've moved outside London and that has its challenges. We can get into that in future episodes.
Speaker 2:But I think you know at the time you know it was after the pandemic Kay and I had decided we needed more space, we wanted a house as opposed to a flat, and also you know, we were discussing possibly having a family. So it made sense that we would want a bigger space and I always said that I wanted my child to have a garden. I didn't grow up with that, so I wanted to be able to do that. So we moved outside London, able to to do that, um, so we um, moved outside London. Now, moving outside London is it has its pros and its cons. But, more importantly, I wanted access to education for a possible child, and I do have a daughter now. So, um, and also I just we just wanted more space, we wanted more bang for our buck.
Speaker 2:I I will tell you I don't know how it is now, but the house prices outside London and what you can get versus what you could get in London you can't even compare it. Like our house is big right and a house this size in London is way over a million pounds. And honey, I'm successful. Million. A million here, a million there. I don't have a million where. Sorry, sorry, sorry, I don't. I have to be honest. And also, even if I had a million, would I feel comfortable spending a million pounds on on a house and then find money to furnish that million pound house? But the fact is, a million pounds buying a property in the UK is like a shoebox in comparison to outside London. Anyway, I say this to say where I live, black people are here in the majority. We're successful, we're doing really well and it's actually really nice to see and be in and amongst black people who are doing really like, relatively quite well. Um, and we are the majority in our current community where we live here and it's lovely and it's nice in the kids play in the summer, it's nice.
Speaker 2:Now, one thing about me is that I am very guarded, especially since moving to Kent, and guarded just trying to figure out my environment, my neighbours and things like that. I'm not. I'm polite, but I'm not. Like you know, we don't do the over familiar thing. I'm not collecting your packages if the postman knocks on my door and says you're not in. I'm not doing that, I don't know you like that. Like pleasantries, good morning, how are you? You know them, things there, but nothing over familiar. Now my next door neighbours I've got two neighbours. To my left we have a black family. To our right we have I think they are Chinese, and then the rest of my road we're all black right, but my neighbour I don't really know her very well. We, we have pleasantries and stuff and it's, it's okay. Do you know what I mean? Like we've had a couple of crosswords before. You know that. You know. Like some of us, we're bringing our nigerian mentality outside london and some of us are trying to tell others we don't do that here. You know what I mean anyway.
Speaker 2:So my next neighbors, they're cool, but I'm, you know, I don't really know them like that. So yesterday, um, my neighbor's daughter so she's my neighbor's got two children. But her daughter knocked on our door and Kay is currently in abroad for work, um, and he, by every few months, he, he goes away for work, right, because his company, the head office, is not here in the UK, it's abroad. So so periodically Kay will go abroad, so I will be with the baby. I work from home predominantly, so that, you know, it's only for a few days, maybe about three, four days.
Speaker 2:And yesterday happened to be one of those days where Kay was away. My daughter was in nursery and I was upstairs sorting out my laptop and sorting and, and you know, practicing, editing off the podcast and working from home, um, and I don't have much of a lunch. So I just decided, like you know, I'm gonna sort out my software for my podcast. So there was a knock at the door. No, there was the, the. The doorbell went, so I went downstairs, I opened the door. It's my neighbor's daughter, she's 16 years old, and she says listen, you know, my mom's not home and I just want to know if I can wait in your house.
Speaker 2:Now let me tell you I grew up in a generation where that was normal. I would forget my key. I'd forget I could go to my neighbors I could. Now let me tell you I grew up in a generation where that was normal. I would forget my key. I'd forget I could go to my neighbors I could. If my mom's not in, I could go to my neighbor and say can I use your toilet? I, you know, I grew up in that.
Speaker 2:I grew up where community was a real community. This generation is very different, but the teenagers these days are very different too. Like society as a whole has changed since I grew up. I was born in the 80s, grew up in the 90s. Like life is so different. Like completely the community protected your child as if it was their own. This is not the society we live in. Kids knew there were kids and kids were allowed to be children and kids were allowed to be kids. Children were allowed to be children and kids were allowed to be kids. Children were allowed to be children. But this is completely a 360 to the society in which we currently live in.
Speaker 2:So I said to her I don't actually feel comfortable with you coming in my house, um, have you? And she goes. I said have you spoken? Have you asked your mom? And she goes no. And I said yeah, I don't really feel comfortable. And she goes oh no, I understand, it's goes. I said have you spoken? Have you asked your mum? And she goes no. And I said yeah, I don't really feel comfortable. And she goes oh no, I understand, it's fine.
Speaker 2:So I was like all right, cool, my heart just sank. My heart sank because it was so opposite to what would come naturally to me would be to say yes, but I was assessing, I was doing a risk assessment and I thought I don't know, this young girl I don't know, you know, she could just stab me in my house. If my daughter was here, it would be an absolute no, I would not be sitting here feeling bad or contemplating the possibility. And I was like you know what? I don't feel comfortable with my decision making right now, because I know this is not right. It's cold outside, but I don't feel comfortable. What am I gonna do? So I call my, my good girlfriend, my good friend, my. She's just amazing, like I adore Binpe and I called her. So I called my girlfriend, and when I say my girlfriend, I mean my friend, right, because some of y'all in this generation is just mad anyway. So I call my friend Binpe and I'm like Binpe, this is the situation, what should I do? And she was like well, she needs to call her mum and let her mum know. And if her mum's okay with it, then I think it would be okay.
Speaker 2:So I was like why is she putting me in this position? I don't like this. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. I don't want any problems with my neighbour if I leave her out there. I'm a horrible person. If I take her in, you know, and her mum's not comfortable with it, I'm a problem. Like I don't, I just don't like this shit. So my friend was like no toy, that's what I would do.
Speaker 2:So then I called my husband. So I said Kay, this is the situation. Kay was like you know what I? I I would let her in. I was like yeah, but Kay, you're not here, it's me. I was like okay, I've heard what you and Bim have to say. Let me think.
Speaker 2:And what came to my head was number one. My natural instinct is just to let her in my home. Why wouldn't I? She's a young girl, it's cold outside. I've done the risk assessment what is the worst that can happen? And if that worse means that she's not in the cold, I'll just have to deal with it. My daughter's not here, but what I am going to do is get her to call her mum.
Speaker 2:So I opened the door. So this was like five minutes, by the way, since she had pressed my doorbell. So then I'd opened the door and I said hi, and she was like hi, and she was just huddled in the corner of the door that obviously of her front door. I said please can you ring your mum and tell her that you're going to be in my house and she goes, okay. So she called her mum, but she had her ear pierced on so I couldn't hear the mum's response. She goes, yeah. My mum said it's fine.
Speaker 2:So I thought hang on a a minute. I've got my neighbor's number, because I remember something could happen around here and I had taken her number. So I call her and I said hi, it's Toya from next door. She goes, hi, toya.
Speaker 2:I said, listen, I'm gonna let your daughter in my house. Is that okay with you? She goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fine. Honestly, like I have no problem with that. I was like whereabouts are you? So she tells me where she is? She's actually problem with that. I was like whereabouts are you? So she tells me where she is? She's actually not that far away. I was like, okay, cool, as long as you're comfortable. I just wanted to make sure. Of course she can come. Anyway, let her in my house offer her a drink. She doesn't want a drink. She sits in the living room. She's fine, right? So then I go downstairs and I've always got stuff to do anyway. So I did.
Speaker 2:I folded the laundry and put out some snacks for my daughter for when I'd have to go and pick her up, and I kept checking in on her. She seemed fine and I said to her I said listen, I don't want you to think that my initial reaction of saying no was because I'm a bad person, because I don't actually think I'm a bad person. I'm a cautious person and nowadays, especially as an adult, we have to be careful and I don't ever want to kind of step on your mum's toes or put myself in a situation where you know where, where you, you know you might be offended. Maybe I looked at you the wrong way. I just don't want no aggro.
Speaker 2:And she was like I completely understand, you know, it's just really cold. If it was warm maybe I, I probably wouldn't have noticed. It's just really cold. I said I know, and that that's not the issue. I just want you to know that my, I want, I wanted you to come in, but without speaking to your mom, I just wouldn't be comfortable with that situation. And she was like I completely get it. And she's like I'm just so grateful. Like every time I see you, you're always really nice to me and you always acknowledge me, you always see me. So I know that you're not a bad person and I don't see your initial reaction as anything than just a person that is just cautious and trying to assess a situation.
Speaker 2:I was like exactly, anyway, I say all this to say the next part, but this is the society we're living in now. We're so untrusting and I think it's important to be cautious because, listen, we're living in a society now where anything goes and unfortunately, the society we live in has removed the ability for children to just be children. So you have kids who are eight, nine, ten years old and they're having children. They know about sex they're having, they're being told oh you know, if you're not sure about your sexuality, you can have puberty blockers. Well, that is uh illegal now. But you know what I mean. Like we're, we're living in a society that's infiltrating the ability for children to be children, and in a changing society like this, I never want to put myself in a situation whereby I'm having to explain a decision that came from a good place, right. So I, I asked, I got, I got talking to her, um, and I said to her listen, you know, how old are you?
Speaker 2:She's like 16. So I said well, you must be doing your a levels. And she said yes, and I said oh, okay, how are you finding it? She goes, well, I'm really worried. I was like why? And she's like I can't get any work experience and and and you know, if I don't get any work experience, I'm not going to get a job she goes, you know, I'm not confident. You know I don't know what to do and I've got my A-levels coming up and I'm really stressed out. I looked at her and I was like how old are you? She said 16.
Speaker 2:I said, first and foremost, I want you to know that at 16 years old, you shouldn't be thinking about the how many work experience opportunities you need to get a job. Education is really important. It's the bedrock of the job you're going to get. That's first and foremost, and I'm not saying experience is not needed. What I am saying is that you're 16 years old and you need to enjoy being 16 years old, because there's going to come a point where you're going to have bills in your name and you're going to have to pay those bills. There's going to come a point where you've got to pay a mortgage, you've got to pay rent, you've got to do all these things and you're going to look back and think I robbed myself of being a child or being a teenager because I was worried about being an adult.
Speaker 2:And she started laughing. She said I never really looked at you like that. I said well, also as well. You said you're not confident. She says no. I said you are. She goes what do you mean? I said you knocked on my door. I said do you know the level of confidence it takes to knock on someone's door? She goes yeah, but I rang my friends before I knocked on your door because I needed, like, a pep talk. I says, okay, but however, you had to prepare to knock on the door.
Speaker 2:The confidence to knock on someone's door and ask for there is a confidence. In that I said. I think you are confident. You look at me directly in my eyes when we talk we're talking now and you conduct yourself in a way that is not only respectful but you're such a humble young lady and that confidence that you think you don't have, it's the things that you do on a day-to-day basis that build confidence. Because people think confidence is being able to take a microphone and stand in the middle of a stage and sing or attempt to sing or draw attention to themselves. That's not confidence. That's you know that's. Or draw attention to themselves, that's not confidence. That's you know. That's akin to attention seeking, but that's not confident. Real confidence comes from within. Real confidence comes from accepting who you are and being comfortable with who you are and knowing who you are.
Speaker 2:I says, if you are ever thinking that you may not be confident, try small, little quick wins in day-to-day life that build confidence. She's like what do you mean? I said well, for instance, your ability to be able to strike a conversation with somebody. So, for example, a topic you're not comfortable with. There is a confidence in being able to acknowledge you may not know a lot about a topic, but having the confidence to seek the information through conversation. Those are everyday quick wins that build confidence and what will happen is when you get into an interview.
Speaker 2:50% is education mixed with a bit of experience, but the other 50% is confidence. What they're not teaching young people today is how to hold a conversation, how to talk a conversation, how to talk. And you are a black girl and you're going to be a black woman and you need to know that mediocrity does not apply. Your white counterparts do not have to try or do not need to have the level of education you'll need to get through the door. They can be mediocre, because white privilege is a passport for white people in white dominated industries. Do you understand? She said? I do. I said confidence is a superpower and you have to understand and know what real confidence is. Because, I'm telling you, likability factor plays a part as to whether somebody gets a job or not.
Speaker 2:So while you're here worrying about getting work experience, you need to be laying the foundation Education, confidence, working on your self-doubt, working on addressing imposter syndrome. You need to work on how you articulate yourself, how you conversate, how you present yourself. So how do you talk? Do you talk with your hands? Being able to know how your physical, how you communicate your non-verbal communication? Those are the things that you need to know. You need to be self-aware, and they don't teach you this, but what they do is they stress you out at 16 when you should be concentrating on your education and enjoying being a teenager.
Speaker 2:She said to me I have never, ever, looked at my life like that and I've spent so long just being stressed about interviews and you know, can I get an interview work experience? But actually I'm realising that it's okay for me to worry about it, but it can't consume me because I've got other things that I need to work on to be able to be in those interviews and get the job. I said exactly that. So she asked me what I did for a living. I said I'm a senior commercial contract manager.
Speaker 2:She asked me where I worked. I told her where I work. She was like what? I was like, yeah, I say I'm international baby. And she just looked at me and she was like wow. I said representation matters. So now you know somebody who looks like you working in an industry that you're interested in, working for an international company, and I'm also dyslexic. And she was like pardon. I said I'm also dyslexic and she was like pardon. I said I'm also dyslexic and I have undiagnosed ADHD and I work hard, I'm dedicated, I'm educated and I'm confident in who I am. And whilst that's taken me years to get to, I'm giving you the blueprint now. You can be better than me. You have to be better than me. And she was so happy, like the smile on her face. And then her mum knocked on the door and she was like, mum, I've just had the most profound conversation. I can't believe that the reason why I was locked outside was so that I could have this conversation and I was like listen, any time you need advice or you know you want to ask me a question, knock on my door. And she was like I definitely will do that. And I realized that that was the ancestors that put me in that situation and I also recognize that Toya Talks is a part of who I am and I'm going to continue to use my platform in any which way the ancestors direct me to.
Speaker 2:Also, the reason I'm sharing that with you is, as black women, I feel as though we are so consumed because we're so consumed with kind of our careers and being better and money and, you know, position and growing and success. Some of us are confused about what direction to go. Maybe you've been in an industry that you hate or you've picked the wrong courses and now you've been pigeonholed because of what you've studied, and I think it's really important that all the learning lessons we pass down to the younger generation that's number one and number two representation matters and actually being in a being in certain spaces is a gift, not only to, like you know, the younger generation. It is a gift not only to, like you know, the younger generation. It's a gift to your younger self.
Speaker 2:I would have never believed in my entire life that I would be in a situation whereby I'd be sitting here telling you my credit score is 925, especially when my credit score when I was in my 20s was 100. I swear I kid you not and I don't know my relationship with money is so much better, just even where I am. In my life I never thought that I would be able to do it. I never thought that I would have success. I thought I would just be mediocre, honestly, and that comes from not seeing people that look like me in certain positions. But also I just found education and I found life just really, really hard even more so when my dad died and being able to continuously navigate as a black woman and learn and grow. I'm just so grateful for my, the foundation of my education.
Speaker 2:I had a conversation with a friend a few weeks ago and actually we it was I wouldn't even call it a falling out, but it was just a heated discussion because she had basically communicated information on social media that education I can't remember word for word, but effectively what she said is education doesn't mean anything unless you're a doctor or lawyer or whatever. She said and I was pissed off, I was actually fucking. I was fucked off by that Number one. I'm not a lawyer, I'm non-practicing. You know. You guys know my educational background. I've got my law degree. I went to law school. I've got a master's in law. I've got my level four SIPs. I have some other things that I will be discussing that I've achieved. I've worked really, really hard and I'm a senior commercial contract manager. You know. I've worked really hard to get to where I am, and education is important, especially if you're black.
Speaker 2:Don't ever think mediocrity will get you an interview. It doesn't. You know what mediocrity does? Mediocrity has people sitting in front of you who have no understanding of the job, in senior positions, telling you what to do. That's mediocrity. You can't be mediocre. You have to aspire for more, especially as a black woman, where we're the most disrespected, the least represented. If they were to do an investigation on salary comparison based on race, we would be, as black women, at the bottom of those statistics, especially because, as black women, we don't know our value, because society tells us we're not valued at all. And I'd like to think that the exception are those who fully tap into the Toy Talks podcast for one but number two understand how to negotiate and all those things, but the reality is we didn't come into our careers knowing all these things. Do you understand? It's only as time's gone on that we have safe spaces or you share information and your knowledge starts to grow.
Speaker 2:My education has got me to where I am, and I'm speaking to you as somebody who has a learning difficulty, so it's not even like education was easy to me. It was traumatic for me. I found education mentally taxing and mentally draining. But I'm going to say something. I tend to find that those people who have a negative view about education or think that you can do it without, like education doesn't mean anything. It's a bunch of bullshit. Education is fundamental and education doesn't necessarily mean that you've got to go to university. It means that you are a subject matter expert and you are studying up. You've got to be in a continuous. You have to be in a continuous state of education, learning and growth.
Speaker 2:One of my friends, he, um, he used to be a paint and decorator and then he became like an odd job man and then he, I remember he said to me that you know, he wants to become a plumber and he studied his ass off to become a plumber. He is a millionaire, he owns a massive plumbing company. And do you know what he says to me? He says, toya, if you're not willing to educate yourself and access education on any level, you're always going to be mediocre. He's a millionaire. I didn't even know he was a millionaire. A friend of a friend has told me he's a millionaire. He talks to me. He doesn't tell me all these things. I know he runs this massive, big plumbing company, but I didn't know he was a fucking millionaire and that makes sense. It makes sense. Now my man is always abroad. I was like have you got a little sweet thing, international? No, honey, my man is enjoying the fruits of his labor.
Speaker 2:I tend to find that people who have a negative view about education either number one, they dropped out of education. Two, they picked the wrong course, like one of these Mickey Mouse courses like geography. Yes, it's a fucking Mickey Mouse course. It's Mickey Mouse. What are you doing with that geography? I'm not being rude, but what are you doing? How is your employability related to that geography? Maybe I'm ignorant? Educate me then. Or some people pick the wrong course and have been unable to obtain work, so now they have a negative view about education, work. So now they have a negative view about education. Or maybe they have a negative view about education because actually they're incapable of educating themselves, because they think they know better than everyone else. But that will keep you in the same position forever.
Speaker 2:You have to have a growth mindset, you have to be able to course correct, and that course correction is understanding actually you know what this isn't for me and being able to say right, you know what. I'm going to work hard, I'm going to commit myself and see it through. There's so many people that pick things up and don't see things through. And don't get me wrong the older you get, the harder education becomes. I'm not going to lie to you. It's hard, especially when you have a family. You've got other commitments. Education becomes hard because now you're having to switch off a focus on something when you've got all these tabs opening in your head. That's why I say, when you're younger, do your education as much as possible. When you're older, build on the education that you did when you were younger and continuously be in a statement, in a state of growth.
Speaker 2:I know there's going to be a load of people that's not going to particularly like what I've just said. I actually don't give a fuck. I'm not here to please you. I'm not here for you. I'm here to create a safe space and to be open and honest, because I've gone through the education system okay and my dyslexia wasn't diagnosed until I was 21. Do you know what the fuck I went through in education to get to this space? Do you know what I still go through?
Speaker 2:Being in a continuous state of education. It's fucking hard, okay, but I know I like nice things. I know I like money. I know that I like to create a life for myself or my family. I also know that I like to develop. I know that I like to create a life for myself or my family. I also know that I like to develop as a person. I want to be at the top of my gain and I have eyes on directorship. I want to be a director in you know, my field.
Speaker 2:So it comes with sacrifice and it comes with building and it comes with understanding the importance of the education that I need to make sure I continuously obtain to get to where I want to be. I'm going to put this out there. Please study courses where you're able to pivot, because what you study at 16 and what you believe you want to be at 16 is not what you want to be when you're 18 and may not be what you want to be when you're 25. Things change, people grow and perspective changes. You need to be able to pivot. When I studied law, it's probably one of the best courses I studied and I'll tell you why.
Speaker 2:At the time of picking law, I wanted to be a lawyer and then I soon realised in law school. So, after my degree, going to law school, and I didn't go into law school straight away, I think it was like three years, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, four years after I graduated, so I graduate. No, I graduated in 2000,. Yeah, 2006,. Seven, eight, nine, ten, so I did. I went to law school in 2010, so four years after. So that four years I was getting my work experience.
Speaker 2:I was, I was working in different roles. I was, you know, I was in retail as well, and then I went. I joined an agency. I worked for Hacking Council. I've worked for so many places before. Like, honestly, I was doing admin. I was working so many places to get the work experience because it wasn't, it wasn't easy. Like, how was I going to afford law school? My dad literally paid for my law school and I had to pay him back.
Speaker 2:In law school. You guys know the story I was cleaning toilets, cleaning offices, just to be able to fund my, my eating, my feeding, my day-to-day, and then I had to pay my dad back because why should he have to fork out the money for my education when it is not only just for me, but actually, you know, I don't. You know he was out of pocket. I had to, I definitely had to and I was. You know, I can never repay my dad for the support he gave me, just the support and the overall encouragement and the determination that he had in ensuring that I had the best education that I possibly could get. Okay, and I think education is also important because it is your backup plan.
Speaker 2:If those of you who know my story, I was meant to be an African entertainment TV presenter and, for all intents and purposes, my. It was going in that direction. And when my dad died, life changed, honey, life changed and I was like I can't do this anymore. I don't want to be in no one's tv screen, I'm depressed, I can't cope. At least I was able to fall back on my education.
Speaker 2:And now, how many years later? Just almost 10 years later, actually, I'm in my career and I'm not sitting here telling you I'm the happiest I've ever been. I'm just telling you I'm content and I have forged a way for myself to be able to pivot if I want to. And I think this is what they don't teach and this is what we don't talk about enough, like doing courses where you can course correct if you want to, and move into a different field. You can course correct if you want to, and move into a different field. You can pivot. It's important because you change and you grow, like I, when I decided I didn't want to be a lawyer, I had six months left on my training contract. Six months. I was like I, I don't want to be a lawyer. I have never met a happy lawyer. That's what you should tell my dad. And my dad was a lawyer, right? Maybe you guys don't know. He was an accountant for like 25 years and then he left the professionals, made redundant, retrained as a lawyer, became partner at a law firm, so and my dad was. When he retrained, my dad was like in his late 50s, so so no one has an excuse here, by the way. But the point is, when I made the decision I didn't want to be a lawyer, I was like, ok, what the fuck am I going to do? And that was when my tutor at the time was like Toya, you're good at contracts. There's a natural flair here. There's a natural ability that comes very natural. You need to look into it. And here I am today. I've pivoted so many times to get to where I am now.
Speaker 2:So for those of you who do not believe in education, it's either because you can't access it. It's either because you picked a course that doesn't make sense. It may be because you did the Mickey Mouse course and now you're stuck. It may be also because you lacked the Mickey Mouse course and now you're stuck. It may be also because you lacked the discipline to finish it. It may also be your negative view on education. It may also be that maybe you're just not in a space where you can appreciate what the fruits of the sacrifice and labour education can give you, and that's the truth. So whoever that offends, that's up to you. But I'm here to set an example. Be the example of where education is important, because education isn't just about university, it isn't just about masters. It's about, about you know, skilling up. It's about having a growth mindset. It's about believing in your ability to learn and do better. It's about committing to understanding that mediocrity does not apply to you. That's what education is about.
Speaker 2:So, talking about education, so I think it was like a week or two ago, president biden, who is the current president of the united states, pardoned his son on. He was on federal charges I think he was it fraud gun, like his president. B Biden's son is a naughty boy and there was uproar. And I know that uproar was because during President Biden's son's trial, biden had said you know he would not pardon him. And obviously, fast forward now where Biden's son went through the judicial process in the States and has been found guilty awaiting sentencing, biden's been like you know what, I'm pardoning my son and the media are in uproar and I fucking don't understand. Biden was really clear. My son did not get a fair trial. He was on trial for being my son and there is no way that I can allow my son to be punished because his father was present just to prove a point. So I'm pardoning him and my question to everybody that I post on social media is if your father is the most powerful man in the world and doesn't use his power to pardon you, what use is the dad?
Speaker 2:What? Hello, hello? So he should watch his son go to prison when he could pardon? Can you just stop this thing? We're ever talking about second chances. Biden is giving his son a second chance.
Speaker 2:Everybody should relax, relax, but this is what I'm saying about education. Can you see, education gives you an elevated understanding. My man listen, he's a educated politician is what Biden is. Biden was like y'all you want to take my son to trial? Fine you. What do you want him to say? Oh yes, I'm definitely going to pardon my son.
Speaker 2:As far as he was concerned, at the time in which he said he would pardon his son, biden believed that he'd be running for re-election. So clearly he is going to say what he said. And also, maybe, at the back of his mind, he thought that there would be a some type of a fair trial, but there wasn't, and it was in his gift to do so. I personally don't understand, and the crazy thing is, he pardons his son, but you know, the lawmakers, the people that have created this pardon and the legislation that sits behind it are all educated people, by the way. So my man is also using his education to pardon his son.
Speaker 2:Everybody should relax. What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? So, um, a couple of things. A couple of things, a couple of things. Listen, I've seen that jaguar advert right. And for those of you who don't know, jaguar is entrenched and ingrained into the, listen, I've seen that Jaguar advert right. And for those of you who don't know, jaguar is entrenched and ingrained into the fabric of British society. It's a British brand, but Jaguar's always been quite a, you know, like that upper echelon brand. You know that white upper class brand, and that's their target market.
Speaker 2:All their advertising it's the white toff yeah in those posh made in chelsea, parents, their parents, they have it the jaguar, jaguar, jaguar, jaggy, jaggy. I'm such an idiot. But listen, when I was looking for a car, of all the cars I was considering, I never considered Jaguar. Jaguar is one of those brands that has never appealed to me because they don't market to me, they don't want me, do you understand? They don't want us to use their brand. It's like Tommy Hilfiger, he does say, allegedly, he doesn't want black people wearing his brand. Tommy Hilfiger, your brand. It's like tommy hill, figure, he, he done say, um, allegedly, he doesn't want black people wearing his brand. Tommy hill, figure, your brand is shit anyway. But but the point is there are certain brands that make it clear who their target market is and the demographic in which they're trying to attract. Do you understand? Very short-sighted, very limited in in their thought process, but that's what they do. And jaguar is the same. It's kind of like the non-verbal communication through advertising, but communicating through marketing. So you can imagine everybody's shock, horror and surprise when jaguar comes out with this woke advertising campaign.
Speaker 2:And you know what pissed me off? At the forefront of this woke marketing was a black man. I think he was a black man anyway. And in my head I'm like why is it, when you are virtual signaling, you use black people for this woke agenda? But you put you'll use black people as a sacrificial lamb and it it is violent, it is violent, it's aggressive and it's violent and it put it, it makes black people a target for this woke agenda. So everyone was in uproar, like pr companies were like what the fuck? Like marketing car companies enthusiasts were like what the fuck is this? And I've watched this advertising and do you know the bit that confused me and confused many? They were doing this woke advertising campaign for Jaguar, but there was no Jaguar car featured in the advertising campaign.
Speaker 2:So I'm sitting there thinking, if I didn't know this was Jaguar babes, I'd be thinking that this is like a fashion campaign for woke, for the woke agenda babes, you know all that clothes, neutral type, woke yeah, I'd be thinking it was that, because I was like what the fuck? So I think this was number one. They need to to like sack off their uh, whoever created the advertising campaign. They need to sack off whoever created the advertising campaign. They need to sack the PR company because they tried to then push it on us. And also, I think, jaguar, your time is up, because I feel like this was your last ditch attempt to attract a younger generation through the woke agenda, which tells me that you're not tapping in to what the people then want. They've gone all electric in terms of their cars, the electric vehicles I saw no, I didn't see that. Babes, there was no car and no offense. But if I want to get electric car, I would not be thinking about Jaguar.
Speaker 2:I mean, listen, let me tell you, I need to find the statistics. I'll probably do it in an episode about the spending power of the black community. We have immense spending power. These people could have found a way to inject black excellence into their brand, and one thing is you know the community, that is, the white community. You know they. They do what do you call it? Um, what's it? Discrimination, olymp? You know that one there. So you know what they would have done. They would have also injected themselves into the excellence of black excellence of a campaign by Jaguar targeting our demographic. And what would have happened would have been they would have rebranded and they would have done it in a way that not only was cool, but was inclusive, but directed at black community. Because what would have done it in a way that not only was cool but was inclusive but directed at black community? Because what happens is, if it's directed to us, everybody wants to be included. Our spending power is great and is loud, but the thing is y'all don't respect the black community.
Speaker 2:So, jaguar, I think you're not seeing the numbers other car companies are seeing in terms of sales. I feel like you know, I get that you've kind of revamped your logo, revamped that Jaguar, but it's not giving luxury, it's giving desperate and it's given an agenda that is so woke it became out of touch with what your brand is. If you have a marketing campaign and the actual thing you're marketing isn't in the campaign, isn't that like marketing 101, like what the fuck is that? So y'all go ahead, go ahead and and go and watch that. I'm sure it's on YouTube somewhere. Go and watch that marketing campaign for Jaguar. It's just, it's weird. It's just weird. You know, I know I was like is this Victoria's Secret? Is this London Fashion Week, new York Fashion? What the fuck is this? And it was just way too bright.
Speaker 2:Has the direct experience being pregnant, being a mum and working for Goldman Sachs. And whilst some people will be like oh, I don't ever want to read that because it's corporate. I told you, the podcast is not just for people in the corporate world, but in the corporate world, but in the working world, and don't limit yourself from accessing certain things because you think you're not in, you're like your career isn't going in that direction or you're not from kind of that um, I can't remember my words, you don't work in that sector. I feel like you can learn from every and any situation. So I definitely recommend that book and remember, my book of all time still stands and remains Hustle Harder, hustle Smarter, by Curtis 50 Cent. Jackson is, like my, one of my top 10 books of all time, and Things Fall Apart by. But for the purposes of kind of what we're talking about here, go ahead and download Bully Market.
Speaker 2:So I don't know if you have recently read some of the headlines or I think it was in time in the times. Uh, an ex Goldman Sachs um VP in compliance in London, john Reeves, um was dismissed from Goldman Sachs and he brought a claim for sex discrimination and and other things, but for sex discrimination. And I just want to kind of give you a synopsis of kind of what's happened here. So John Reeves, vp Compliance Goldman Sachs in London. So what had happened is he was dismissed, right, and he had his second child in 2021, and he informed his bosses that he planned to take six months paternity leave, basically from November 2021 to May 2022. So in March 2022, his name was put forward for redundancy after Goldman Sachs bosses had identified the bottom 2% of employees in which John Reeves was identified as one of the bottom 2.5%. So in May, shortly before his paternity leave was due to end, mr Reeves was informed that he had been placed at risk of redundancy. So he was consequently I can't even pronounce the word, but he was consequently placed on gardening leave before he was dismissed in September 2022.
Speaker 2:So shortly before his termination, he raised raised a grievance complaint and um one of the directors was actually recorded as saying that he was kind of lazy and um they he gave an example of um a really urgent issue had broken out at the bank, at Goldman Sachs, and basically he'd seen all the senior individuals get called up to help. So his manager or director sent Mr Reeves an email and he said need to talk, are you available? But Mr Reeves wasn't checking his his emails because he was actually on annual leave at the time. It was during a bank holiday I think it was an August bank holiday um, so basically, after that bank holiday, obviously, whatever the issue was was resolved. But after the bank holiday he returned to work and it was repeatedly raised, um, and people his director was basically saying it's a missed opportunity and one manager was branding it as a negative soundbite the fact that he was unable, whilst on leave for bank holiday, to actually respond to the email and basically, you know, get stuck in and work during his bank holiday.
Speaker 2:So then, obviously, what transpired is, you know, he then went on to have a second child take a paternity leave. He was effectively, you know, selected for redundancy and he was dismissed. However, when he brought a claim in the employment tribunal, the judgment was that there was no attempt to actually carry out a fair and just process when they placed him or selected him for redundancy. The Tribunal went on to say it was not clear whether he was dealt with in an objective basis. However, the evidence basically said that he was not and the employment tribunal found that Mr Reeves was discriminated against on the basis of sex discrimination when he was dismissed and actually he will be compensated and they're going to discuss compensation next year.
Speaker 2:So one of the reasons why this was raised was because one of the reasons I've raised it is after he had had his second child and he approached his bosses and said you know what I want to have more of a work-life balance. And his director said to him well, you're a grown man so you need to sort it out Like what the hell. You know, you figure it out and the fact that then you see, the question is, if he was a woman, would they have treated him like that? And the answer is probably yes, especially if you listen to that book, bully Market. But I have an alternative view to consider here for a second. Clearly he was discriminated against because of his sex. I understand the judgment. I've read the judgment. It makes perfect sense to me.
Speaker 2:But this is Goldman Sachs. I've worked at Goldman Sachs. I don't know how it is now, but I know that when I was there it was a very toxic environment. You know people would outwardly say I hope you're not planning to have children because you won't be doing that in this job and be successful at the same time. I definitely think that, goldman Sachs and don't get me wrong. I know people who work there who will tell you that they love working there. I know two people who are still there and they love it. And I know people who aspire to work there.
Speaker 2:And I'm not saying it's all bad. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying toxic masculinity. I'm saying a discrimination on the basis of sex. I'm saying limiting mindset. I'm saying women not being afforded the opportunity to have a career and be a working mum without being made to feel like you have to make a choice or being overlooked for promotion. And it's really difficult to prove. You have to really be on it and hold, you know them accountable. But the problem is you're dealing with directors who are, you know, on six figures, over and above six figures, working in a very high intensity industry and feel as though the rules don't apply to them.
Speaker 2:And it wasn't until I listened to the audio book Bully Market that I realised how much trauma I have associated with Goldman Sachs that I have never kind of worked on or discussed. I don't actually talk about my time at Goldman, even privately. I don't, because it was laced with a lot of trauma and I think, as a young woman in the world of work, trying to navigate and figure my way through. I don't think Goldman Sachs was a healthy space for me to be in, especially because I'd already moved out of home. So it wasn't like I had the opportunity to kind of like decompress at home and fully kind of explain what my experiences were and then be told actually it's an unhealthy place to work. Told actually it's in an unhealthy place to work. I think it got to a point where I became so sick, just out of worry, out of anxiety and just feeling that I could never ever catch up or fit in. And then when I changed to fit in, I I just didn't feel like me anymore and I couldn't relate to these people. Like we didn't come from the same place, like and I'm not saying we had to, I'm just saying that I couldn't relate at spending two, three hundred pounds on food and that would be just lunch. I can't relate.
Speaker 2:And the one time I remember, um, I'd gone in and I was in the, obviously I was in the office and I had these flat loafers on and I got into the lift and the way this woman looked at me like I was a piece of shit and she looked at my shoes and she started giggling. I kid you not. The next day I went to Louboutin and I bought a pair of Louboutin heels. I almost lost my teeth many times walking in those heels. The strain on my ankle this is why I thought I have early onset of arthritis, because my ankle has never forgiven me for those Louboutins.
Speaker 2:Honestly, imagine having Louboutins and having diarrhea at the same time. I wanted a day. I said if I walk left now my nashful just opening the pool, pour out. Do you know what I mean? Because I was them. She stressed me out. I was stressed.
Speaker 2:Imagine feeling that you had to conform so much. You are fucking lactose intolerant. Why are you drinking a latte with whole milk? Why are you drinking all these things? Just to fit in? I remember as well that all of them used to congregate outside um because they all smoked. So I decided I'd start smoking. I'm not gonna lie to you. I thought I was gonna die. My chest started to close up. I said to her yeah, this is where decisions are made in the cigarette corner. Girl, you better buy yourself a pack of cigarettes. And I remember I bought Benson and Hedges and one of them were like that's really strong Because me. I didn't even know what cigarette to be buying. I bought Benson and Hedges.
Speaker 2:This is where I had tonsillitis for the first time in my life. Why wouldn't I have tonsillitis? I'm smoking fucking B&H. Do you know what I do? You have to be like A seasoned smoker. Back then. I don't know how they Secretly say Be a seasoned smoker To smoke Benson Hedges. And what I would do? I would smoke and I would just have it Hanging there With my finger and I'd be.
Speaker 2:I feel cool In the, in the what do you call it? The Louboutins. My ankles were pleading with me to set them free. I said, no, we have to fit in. I couldn't keep up anymore. It was depressing me and I felt like I was never good enough. I just hated it, and I was spoken to like I was a piece of shit.
Speaker 2:I remember one time one of the directors got so close to me. He literally was spitting on my face and he said look at you, look at you. What are you going to amount to? That's what he said to me. Ah, goldman Sachs, if I were to do a book, if I were to do a book, fucking hell, I've seen a lot. I've seen a lot. I'm telling you. This is why I am the way I am, I promise you, especially in the world of work. This is why I am the way I am. This is why I'm so determined. There's many reasons, but I've seen what not being who I am does, and it's soul-destroying, and I remember leaving, and so I'd handed them, handed my notice, and they made my life hell.
Speaker 2:So I had I think it was like two weeks because I had holidays. So it would have been four weeks, but I had holidays, so I had to just physically be in um for two weeks. So after like the first week, I was like I'm, I don't even. I don't think I even ended. I did the full week. I think I did up until Thursday and I was like I can't do this um, I just didn't turn up and no one asked for me, no one called me, no one checked, nothing. I still got paid, though, because you're you, you've made it clear that you're not gonna put me on garden leave. Fine, I'm not senior enough for that. You don't want me here, so you're gonna have to pay me for the week I don't do, of course, you are what the fuck? You've made it untenable for me to be here.
Speaker 2:So, um, and I do, you know, I remember being at Goldman Sachs. I swear, I kid you not, I was so ignorant listen, I'm from Tottenham like Goldman Sachs was like a dream, like do you know what I mean? I remember there was one time we went for after work drinks, right, right, and I had this one friend, right, they were brothers, but one of them I got on really well with and he was just buzzing like excited, happy. But then, like the next day, he was just so low I just couldn't work it out. I just remember going into the toilets, right, and he comes stumbling out the toilets and he kept rubbing his nose and I was like, oh, are you okay? He's like, yeah, yeah, I'm all right, I'm all right, I just think I'm coming down with something. And then he had this little powder thing. So I thought it was just snot, like the snot was drying. I didn't know. I now believe that was cooking, cooking I. I think he was snorting drugs in the toilet. I do.
Speaker 2:But in that moment I didn't know that I was really ignorant. You see, no one taught me, no one told me, no one told me the possibilities, like no one told me that world that was entering. I didn't know and, to be honest, I really thank God for the grounding of how I grew up, because I can see how people could get lost in that source. It's intoxicating feeling that you're being accepted in a space where probably you never thought you would be in number one, or just feeling like you belong, wanting to keep up with the Joneses being drunk off the money because they pay their staff. Well, they do, they do, they do I don't know now, but I'm sure they do even more now but even the interns were getting paid real good money. So even remember that program industry. Yeah, it's giving Goldman Sachs vibes, but not as bad. Goldman Sachs was worse than that Wolf or Wall Street. Yeah, definitely Goldman Sachs. So, yeah, I definitely recommend Bully Market.
Speaker 2:If you do get a chance to look at the case of John Reeves, who is the former VP in compliance in London at Goldman Sachs, definitely go and have a look. And I think I found it quite interesting as well, because I don't think we hear a lot of sex discrimination cases from men, especially to do with paternity. We don't hear a lot of it and the irony is Goldman Sachs could have settled outside of court, but I think they're so fucking arrogant that they're like no, no, no, we can afford the best lawyers, let's go. And now you're going to not only pay your lawyer fees, you're going to pay his plus compensation Fucking stupid, isn't it? I lower fees, you're gonna pay his plus compensation fucking stupid, innit, I need, I need help with something.
Speaker 2:Um, you know, I'm a millennial, by the way. I was born in 1984 and I grew up uh, so I was born in the 80s, I grew up in the 90s. I definitely embodied the 90s. Like what a year to be alive. Okay, like I, I embrace that like everything about like kind of my style and kind of like things I like. It's very 90s inspired it was.
Speaker 2:It was a time, honey, I grew up in the era of listening to Missy Elia, busta, rhymes, elia, you know, the list goes on and on and on, darling. But equally as well, I feel very blessed because I have, like you know, my sister-in-law, who keeps keeps me on vibes, you know, keeps advice. Tell me what happened in this social media space, tell me what happens, like, in the content creator space, because me, I don't know, girl, but I'm gonna need y'all to help me out. Okay, because I know I'm some of you, lots aunties, isn't it? I'm a cool aunt, by the way. I'm a cool mum, cool aunt, I'm the cool aunt that like still like dresses like a 90s vibe.
Speaker 2:But when I need help with something, I'm going to ask y'all what is a network professional, please? What is a network professional? I'm going to need you. Can you write in hello at toytalkscom what is a network professional? Because I need to know. You know, I'm going to give grace because you know what I. I know that um Charlamagne has donkey of the day and I don't want to have to do that on a podcast because I don't think that's nice. Okay, I don't, but either I'm the donkey for not knowing what a network professional is, or you know. Anyway, let me be nice, I'm going to be a good girl Cause Santa's coming to town.
Speaker 2:Anyway, excuse me, can we talk about Anidreya for a second? Let's talk about Anidreya, like let's talk about her. So it's a bit messy, but we have to learn. We also listen. We listen and we don't judge. We learn and we do better. You understand, okay? So all this mess that happened with Annie Dre on social media I'm not going to get into this If you know, you know and if you don't go on ex, formerly known as Twitter. But so Annie Dreher then comes out with a video. So the girl in question that she kind of drags then drags Annie Dreher for filth on X and then Annie Dreher decides that she is going to record two videos an hour and a half, roughly an hour and a half each. It's three fucking hours, absolutely fucking hot.
Speaker 2:Google, you need to buy TikTok, by the way, because I don't look for things on google, I'll look on tiktok. I only use google maps. Uh, when I'm on my feet I don't even use google maps driving, I use ways. Now, because google maps y'all need to do some system updates. Okay, but I'm just gonna put google. I'm putting you on game. I think you need to buy TikTok, because TikTok is also being used like a search engine in the same way, and TikTok is vibes.
Speaker 2:Tiktok is, you know it's short, you know snappy, bum, bum, bum, bum bum. So what did I do? I took my ass to TikTok. I said TikTok, what's happening?
Speaker 2:Anidrea, I need it. Short form, short form. Need it short form, short form. Youtube is the long blood clot form. Short fucking form.
Speaker 2:Okay, I've got dyslexia and undiagnosed adhd. I'm not sitting there hour and a half. What the fuck? Look? Some of my best programs that I'm currently watching is not hour and a half. Annie dre what the fuck is this? I'm going to really say this Annie Dreyer is a content creator.
Speaker 2:In terms of her creativity, she's fantastic. She's an amazing editor. I swear to God, if there was an award for the queen of vlogs, it would be Annie Dreyer. She knows how to vlog. Whether the content is shit or not is irrelevant, it's the creativity. For me, that's a natural born talent. Right there she could be. She could work for some of these creative um, creative marketing companies and she'd do really well, even advising companies on marketing. I think she'd be fucking amazing. Her editing skills. I'm so, so, ah, she's fantastic. She. She puts my editing to fucking shame. I'm elementary in comparison. She's amazing.
Speaker 2:But I think the problem and this is just my opinion, right and I'm not saying this any other way than us to learn and be better, because you have to learn and grow. You don't need to make the same mistakes to learn a lesson, right, right? Annie Treya really puzzles me because I'm realizing her delusion. She's delusional, delusional, and I shared this on Instagram and I'm gonna kind of say it here in short form I really hope that this episode is not an hour and a half, by the way, it doesn't need to be, and if it is, I'm sorry, but we have a whole year to make up for her, so it's fine, but I think she's delusional and I think she believes in her delusions, and I and I genuinely think that annie dreyer is being disingenuous to herself, uh, to to the people that follow her, to people that watch her, because I genuinely believe that she has made some crazy life decisions that have not made sense, and I think her inability to take, take accountability is because she just doesn't know how to.
Speaker 2:We have so many broken children masquerading as adults and what happens? That adult mask slips and you regress back into the child you were of when the trauma happened in your life. And as an adult, we have a duty to do the work, especially black African women, firstborn daughters, for example. We have to do the work. Firstborn daughters, for example, we have to do the work. You've got to do the work there. There there are some untreated traumas that we're walking around with. That's quite heavy and the reason I say you have to do the work is especially if you want to want to be a mother. There's so many things that we have to unlearn and we talk about old, generational, but don't you know that you become complicit in generational trauma when you don't get the help to unlearn certain things so that you don't pass it on to future generations? You have a duty to your generation to eliminate that generational trauma. To eliminate that generational trauma.
Speaker 2:I genuinely believe that Annie Dreyer has never had the example of what healthy relationships look like. I don't think Annie Dreyer has had the example of accountability. I don't think she's seen it. So, for example, you know, if you're raised in a household where your parents never apologise or admit when they've done something wrong, you are going to grow with that. So people who are proud to say I never apologise, that is the most stupid thing I've ever heard oh, I never apologise, I don't, I don't, I find it. So you can find it hard to apologise oh, I never apologise. It's almost like the greatest mountain to climb to get me to apologise then you must be really special. Fuck you, fuck off, fuck you. Your inability to apologize is your inability to take accountability for your actions, which tells me you have untreated trauma.
Speaker 2:Her, her, her story of network professional annie. If, if you're listening to this, you will disagree, you will hate me. Don't even try to take me to social media, girl, because my mouth is dirty, okay, girl. I'm saying this more so because I'm a mother, just like you, and as a mother, I personally have a view that I will never, ever, ever. I would have never, ever had a child until I did the work, because I can't do the work when I have the child there, because what will be happening is the child will be triggering me. So for me, in order to be responsible as an adult and as a mother, I wanted to do the work. There are so many things that I've had to work through trauma, unlearn things that are not healthy, um, learn how to be a mother and and start doing the work of how to mother an adult child too, and understand that I have to keep checking in and making sure that I'm not kind of allowing that generational trauma to pass on to the next generation.
Speaker 2:I think that, anidrea, you know, you know, the worst part of it is this the girl that she cussed out and dragged out an ex, and then the girl come back with receipts. She came receipts, emails, screenshots, screenshots, receipts, emails, voice notes. The girl came with it all. And, annie Joya, you know what you should have done? You should have said nothing. You shouldn't have said anything. You should have just let it just fall. Fall, because what's happened now is your inability to take accountability, your insincerity, your disingenuousness. I think has people dragging you in those comments, those the comments that were left underneath this video. I had to stop because I was like girl, she's gonna see these comments.
Speaker 2:How can you sit on a video and say you know, I, I, I, I didn't want to tell, tell the, the nurses or midwife who I was, who are you, girl? But this is that delusion where you think that you are somebody that you are not. You're not if people say, oh, she's not beyonce. But it's not about being beyonce, it's about acknowledging this. You've made really bad decisions and you're now paying the price for those decisions. It's about saying, do you know, I would have, she could have done a rest of tessa type thing and say, listen, look, don't, don't do what I did, look what I've done, look at how I have to pick up the pieces. You could have made money out of it. You could have, because you're at that point now you're like, actually, let me make this money from my experiences, because, because, goddamn, you've done a whole fucking video, these two videos.
Speaker 2:You should have done the rest of the test, I think, and just been honest. You know one thing I've realized People appreciate honesty. They may not like it, they may not want it, but people will appreciate and respect it. You don't have to like me, I don't give a fuck. You're going to respect me 100% because I'm just going to be who I am. I don't care. You can't shame me, because I'm just going to come here and tell you the truth. But the most important thing, I believe, is just being true to yourself. You know, let me tell you something. Some of these content creators are piss poor, you know. Let me tell you something. Some of these content creators are piss poor.
Speaker 2:Maybe you don't know dogging on the nine to five. Don't get it twisted nine to fives are not for everyone. Listen, when I was doing my african entertainment tv presenting, I remember doing an interview saying a nine to five isn't for me, and it wasn't. I was living my free spirited life. I was traveling in up and down nigeria, I was doing red carpets, I was on ben tv, I was on on Big Brother. I was doing the damn thing. Nine to five I would. Why would I be considering a nine to five when I'm trying to break the break? It make it in Nigeria. I was interested, but you better believe that I had my education sorted behind me, everything in case I had to fall back on it, and that nine to five would have come in very handy. Look at it is now handy, handy.
Speaker 2:But the problem is, I feel like a lot of these content creators are creating this illusion and I can't keep up with the illusion. They are misspending and they put themselves in a situation where they don't even have good contracts. So they are creating their life and they're misspending. Some of them are living from credit to credit to Klana yes, credit to Klana to Clearpay're misspending. Some of them are living from credit to credit to Klana yes, credit to Klana to Clearpay. A lot of them Some of them, haven't been paid for two to three years for campaigns that they've done and they're trying to keep up with the Joneses and they lack the ability to be honest and this is why some of them cannot and will not. They will categorically refuse to take a nine to five. They won't do it. They said well, listen, let me tell you something that's not called hustling. That's stupidity, stupidity, stupidity. You need yourself some humility. I just made that up up. But do you understand? You've got to learn from this, because I feel, like a lot of us, we buy into the fantasy that these people have created and what happens is because we buy into it, they feel they have to keep it going. That's a key listen. I've come on this podcast. I've told you the truth.
Speaker 2:In my 20s, I was on benefits for a good six months. It felt like a year. It was six months. I was on benefits. I had to go to the job centre. I went to the one in Woodgreen and then I was continuously going. Actually, no, when I was living in Tottenham, I was in the one in Tottenham and I moved. I had to go to one in Woodgreen and then I landed at the one in Palmers Green. It was. It was humiliating, I can't lie, because the security guards made it uncomfortable for me.
Speaker 2:I'm speaking to somebody's telling me you're aiming too high in terms of jobs and I'm gonna need you to come on a course to do your CV. I'm like sorry ma'am, sorry, hello, I have a whole law degree, darling I. I may not be in a job right now, but I did not do the law degree, so that I'll be looking for a job. You're now telling me what are you telling me? No, telling me, oh, I don't think you should apply for that job. I think you need to go data entry. I don't want to do data entry, but you need a job. Okay, fine, no one cares about your experience.
Speaker 2:One woman told me you need to get a job and get off these benefits, otherwise I'm gonna stop your benefits if you don't come in to learn. Uh, there was, oh, they had a skills course. Learn how to use microsoft word. I said I know how to use microsoft. If you don't come in, we'll stop your benefits. Do you know how humiliating that was? I remember one time I came into the job center it was like I was wearing my Sunday best just so that I could prove to them that I'm not like everyone else. I genuinely want to get off benefits. Like some of these people, they want to sell these benefits. It's not me the way they spoke to me, like I was a piece of shit. Nobody told me the next time to come in trainers, trainers and a jumper that was barely washed. I said, yeah.
Speaker 2:The point I'm making here is this the path to success is never smooth. There is sacrifices. I've been through a lot, but there's something that my dad always used to say. He says if you forget where you have come from, you will go back there. You need to be humbled by your journey and part of that humility humility being honest about what that journey is and accepting that you know what.
Speaker 2:Like it didn't work out. Listen, don't you? Some of you remember I was in content creation. Yeah, I had decided as well that I was going to be a full-time content creator, and then the money ran out. I said, fuck it, I have to. This is not working out. I said this is not working. The numbers are not. I remember one video 200. I was like I, I would write to companies saying you need to sponsor me, pay me. I'll like yeah, because I wanted to be a content creator so badly. There was one point I wanted to. It was in my 20s. I don't know if this is happening in my 20s. Man, fucking hell. Yeah, but can you see? Link it back. Link it back.
Speaker 2:Go to a previous you know we talk in tabs on this podcast. By the way, link it back to the tab, the earlier tab education, education, education foundation backup plan. So when Annie Jo is talking about network professionals, what she's really talking about is universal credit, job centre. Say it out, say it. People listen. The only people that are going to look down on you are the ones that were never your fans to begin with. They weren't a fan of you. They didn't like you.
Speaker 2:And actually her honesty will inspire people. Listen, I grew up on a council estate. I'm not ashamed of it. Why should I be? It's made me who I am. I'm proud to be a babe from Tottenham. Listen, some of the finest creators, some of the most successful people are from Tottenham. Read all about it.
Speaker 2:But the point here is this and as much, we can sit here and scrutinize the videos, scrutinize what happened, whatever, but I think Annie Jo is an example of when you're not honest with yourself. You need to be honest with yourself. If you're in a career that you hate, be honest with yourself. Think how can I pivot? Do I have to start again? And be open and willing to start again. This is why I talk on this podcast about picking professions, qualifications, where you're able to pivot and move.
Speaker 2:I have a friend right. She picked a profession she can't move social worker. I have quite a few friends that are social workers. A few of them they like their job. Some of them hate their job. And one of my friends was like toyah, I'm pigeonholed and I can't fucking get out. And I felt so. I was like I felt so sorry for her. I was like there must be something you can do within social work. Come on, let's use your skills. You've got this and now she's found finding how to pivot in the social uh, social worker sphere, but not on the front line. She don't want to be on the front line. I've got another friend. She was like I don't want to be social worker, no more.
Speaker 2:She did her prints too. She's now project manager. She's contracting yep, we set up that limited company, honey. She's contracting, she's a project manager. She was a social worker for 15 years. You need to? She said to me Toya, if I had known this, I would have done my prints two ages ago, and at least I would have done it alongside or just after doing social work. But I would have had it there ready, waiting and then just topped up on my knowledge as the years gone on so that I was able.
Speaker 2:You need to pick subjects, professions. You need to pick things that give you the ability to change and amend and move. You need flexibility. Flexibility gives you options. Options give you choices, choices give you freedom Is the point that we're making here. So, please, network professionals, let us understand what we are doing here Teaching, guiding, educating black women how to navigate the world of work safely and therefore highlighting the path of our success.
Speaker 2:And you know, I think the saddest thing about what makes me sad about Anijaya, honestly, is I don't actually think she's got people around her that can tell her the truth, because a real friend will tell her to take those videos down within the hour that she put them up. A real friend will have said you haven't done the work, but you need to start now. A real friend will say, listen, when a man says he doesn't want to have a baby with you and you decide that you want to have this baby, you decide you want to have this baby. He doesn't want anything to do with it. It will fucking hurt. It is a rejection that you will have to work through and what you cannot do is blame other people for your choices. You decided because you wanted to for your choices. You decided because you wanted to um this content creation, keeping up with the joneses. Please, please, please, let us learn, let us grow. We listen, we don't judge, we observe, we learn and we do better.
Speaker 2:So, um, being a permanent member of staff, having been a contractor for slightly, just over seven years I think it was seven years and a few months, whatever it's been challenging Because I'm committing in a way that I've not done in a really, really long time. In fact, I think I find being perm a bit triggering because the whole reason I was contracting, that I went contracting, was because I was undervalued, I wasn't growing in the role I was in, I was overlooked for senior positions and I was stagnant in my career. I was just at a point where I was like I want to make money, I want to make more money and I want to grow up, grow like, climb up the career ladder quicker. And I think contracting did that. Especially if you're in contracting in the right organisations, right places, you're doing things that are advancing your career. I will still say it was probably the most enriching, vital thing in my career to be a contractor. It. I recommend it to everyone and anyone who is career-minded, focused, wants to grow and make money and climb up the career ladder, because part of making money is climbing up the career ladder to make more money, right, um, albeit that when you get to a certain salary bracket, that's another episode. Don't worry, that's coming january. I'm gonna fucking talk because I'm fucking tired of this fucking tax system here in the uk. Like after you earn a certain amount, honestly, it just it's not tax efficient to be in this country anymore. Like you get to a point you're like right, you know, I'm done. The erasure of the middle class is real, it's, it's an episode. There's so much, there's so much to talk about. But I say all this to say I'm happy I made the decision to be perm.
Speaker 2:I think, being a career mum, a career woman and a mum and a career mum, I just definitely feel like I laid enough foundations to be able to be where I am and I'm content with where I am in my career, where my trajectory, where I'm going, where my focuses are, my objectives are, and I'm just going to keep going right, keep growing and make as much money as possible in the process. But I feel like when you're a contractor it's different, the dynamic is different. You know you're less invested, you're more delivery mode. You know you deliver and go. Really you know you know you deliver and go. Really there's. You know you don't have to develop relationships, you just have to. There's superficial relationships to get you to deliver what you need to and to for you to get out right. When you're a perm, you do have to kind of work on fostering relationships. But I always say I'm using my contractor mindset in terms of certain things that I learned as a contractor, as a perm, I give enough and I'm navigating and I'm telling you right now like I'm so grateful that I understand how to navigate the world of work because, honestly, we're slaying lions, tigers and motherfucking bears in these workplaces tigers and motherfucking bears in these workplaces.
Speaker 2:I think something that I always am surprised about is white privilege. It always surprises me because white privilege is so fucking arrogant it is and underneath that white privilege, it's nothing more than privilege. It's not based on anything other than the colour of someone's skin. That's mad. Do you know how crazy that is? That's crazy. So I'm working with somebody who works in finance, right, so I don't know a lot of your setups.
Speaker 2:In your organisation, typically in a consultancy delivering a project, you have a finance business partner. You could have a director of the entire project. You can have a commercial contract manager who manages all the commercials, all the contracts, the deliverables, the KPIs, subcontractors, all the contractual know-how and everything right. That's what I do. And you could have, like the technical leads technical director. There's all these different roles and for me, I'm interfacing with all these stakeholders. They're all my internal stakeholders. I'm working with an internal stakeholder who he's actually a contractor and he's a financial business partner and you know, long story short, he's shit at his job. I've never worked with a finance business partner. Finance is bad. Finance is usually on top of them numbers. They're on top of their game. Typically, with my role, I will. It depends if it's like it's like a contract right, like a contract variation, or I'm renegotiating contractual terms or whatever the case is.
Speaker 2:Finance is always involved because there's always a cost for deliverable or um, you know you've done, we've done, a procurement exercise and we're awarding a contract and you know the value of that contract and you know when you're going through some form of governance approval, you need a finance business partner to approve the cost, um, and confirm, you know, whatever the cost association right or whatever you know they do, their projections and whatever they do. And this particular finance business partner we're going to call him Stuart, he's a middle-aged white man. Nothing special about him other than the fact that he's landed here and you know he's the finance business partner in, you know, consulting for this project, project effectively. So this, this white man, he, I will go to him to sign off on financials and he just avoids signing off on anything. You're the motherfucking finance business partner. Sir, if this is gonna go through a governance process, I'm gonna say, oh, has finance signed? And I need to be fucking saying, yes, you're not gonna be my bottleneck. But he continuously positions himself as my bottleneck. He constantly undermines me. He's microaggressions are crazy, like the other day.
Speaker 2:He asked me what my qualifications were like. How did you get into this profession? I was like what do you mean? He asked me what my qualifications were Like. How did you get into this profession? I was like what do you mean? He's like what are your qualifications? And I told him and his mouth was open. I said well, haven't you done that? Um, like a, a CCA accounting. He was like, yeah, but you know, uh, you know I did it a long time ago. Okay, I don't give a fuck if you did a long time ago, like we're all qualified to be here, motherfucker, so why are you asking me that? It was almost like he was shocked at how educated I was.
Speaker 2:If I'm honest and one thing with me is I'm never going to lie, especially to a white man that asked me about my education I'm going to tell you everything Because you had access to In fact, you had more access than me. You chose not to, you chose the path you chose. I'm not gonna apologize for my achievements, because I used to do that a lot, like don't say certain things or don't tell like, oh, where have you worked before? And I used to not tell people I worked at goldman sachs, because it was like, oh, I don't want them to think I'm being arrogant or I think, motherfucker, I worked there, I, I got in honey, no privilege anyway.
Speaker 2:Um, his, I call him, I call stewart the disruptor, because he disrupts the flow of progress in the project. So recently I had to put him in his place. Um, I know he's a contractor because number one, he told me, but it's generally known and he goes around telling everybody anyway. So I had redlined a contract and I'd sent it out to all my internal stakeholders and I'd asked specific questions relating to what that stakeholder does. So I don't need you to do a legal review, because that's what I'm there for, thank you. I just need you to do the review. So if it's a technical lead, look at the technical stuff, look at the statement of work. I don't need you to look at the contract, look at the statement, own it. So then he started redlining my contract and he started raising certain things in the red line. That makes no sense. He was raising it because he doesn't actually know or have any legal experience.
Speaker 2:So what I then decided to do is I responded in the comments, because one thing with me is I never discount what people say, even if you're overstepping, because maybe there's something for me to learn, maybe I've missed something, maybe I'm so in in the weeds that I don't know. So I'm always open, but I already know that this man is a disruptor. This man will will message me like my teams is on, don't disturb, right. And he will send me a message or I'm busy, and he'll say are you available for a call? This is persistent, consistent.
Speaker 2:This has been going on since April or we'll be in a meeting and the director for this particular project will be in the meeting asking me a question, and then Stuart will then start try to like, cross examine me. And one time he tried it and I was like Stuart, I don't need you to cross examine me because I've actually answered the question already. And actually, if you read the documentation, you will see in clause 2.4 where this has been addressed. That's how I deal with him now. So when he he when he tries to cross me, then I disgrace him by demonstrating that he's not even read the document in which he's trying to cross-examine me about, because that's the only language this man understands.
Speaker 2:I've tried the diplomatic approach. It doesn't work because in his mind, who is this black woman that has so much respect from the senior members of staff? I'm going to undermine her so that I can undermine her credibility. That's what he's doing, because if he was really about the project and delivering and really supportive, he would not question and put me on the spot in front of all these senior leaders. But when we're talking one-to-one he won't.
Speaker 2:I remember we had a meeting an hour before we had a project meeting. He didn't raise anything to me. When we had a meeting an hour before we had a project meeting, he didn't raise anything to me when we had a meeting. Because I have a, I've put in bi-weekly meetings with him. Yeah, because as I, as a finance business partner, I'm used to doing that. But I realized with him no, it's once every quarter I'm going to meet with him because he's annoying, he's like a little flea. Then two hours later sorry, an hour and a half later. So we we had the project call, I think an hour and a half, two hours later I want to say two hours, I think it was two hours later and he raised all this stuff that he never even mentioned to me how many hours before that we had a meeting. So I realized this is, this man is a disruptor, he just wants to. He's all those people that he will disrupt everything, but he offers no solution.
Speaker 2:So it kind of came to a head on Monday and I had sent out some stuff, everyone had signed off on it and I needed him to check the numbers and every time I asked him, can you confirm in an email these numbers, he'd go into the document and he would change the numbers he'd redline. Then I said every time because I've locked the document, I own the document every time he does that I have to go in, accept the changes and re-look the document again. And this, this kept going on for two days and I was like this is enough. So I got a call with him. I says you keep changing these numbers and everything's been signed off. Like are you not certain about these numbers before they go to a final? Like what, what's going on, can you? And he was like oh, you know, um, he's rounding up, whatever the fuck. I says I, I'm not, you own the numbers, but what I'm going to need you to do is agree on what those numbers are so I can finalize this document. So then we had a project update and we went round the room and he was before me. So he says oh, I'm waiting for Toya to finalise the document. She hasn't done that yet. Toya, have you finalised my numbers? Because I've been waiting for you since Monday.
Speaker 2:You know one thing about Working in white dominated industries Is you better, stay ready. You need to cross your T's, dot your I's, but you need to stay ready. You know what I did? I have Kate calls me it support. I have three screens. In fact I have four. No, no, I have five screens. I have my eyes, I have my glasses, I've got the two monitors and my laptop. Don't fuck with me, motherfucker. I shared my screen. I said Stuart, and I have a folder called Stuart. I said Stuart, these are all the iterations Since I put it in the share folder, all your changes. There's 15 changes you've made in the last 48 hours.
Speaker 2:So this tells me that you're not sure of the numbers, it tells me that you're not comfortable with the numbers and it tells me that you haven't decided what those numbers are. So are you now saying that you can confirm the numbers so that I can put this through to the client and get this approved and signed? Because what I don't want you to do is erode the leverage of the relationship with the client. We're delivering this project and the numbers need to be, and you own the numbers. So if everybody else has signed off, but you haven't signed off, I can't send this document. So are you confirming these numbers? And I said the latest version and I give him the latest version. He said yes. I said well, while we're all on the call, can you send me an email? He goes oh yeah, I'll do it. After the call, I said no, while we are on the call, can you send me an email to confirm that you have accepted these numbers? This is the iteration, and I sent it in the chat.
Speaker 2:You know, sometimes you have to shame the devil, because the devil is mischievous and the devil is stupid. Do you know? Since that day that day that was Monday this man doesn't fuck with me, no more. I am nice, I'm pleasant until I'm not. And it doesn't go over my head how easy it is for some of these white men to use their white privilege, their masculinity, to oppress, and they never think, or they never expect us to be ready, because they think they're the smartest person in the room. And whilst I'm not the smartest person in the room, I'm equally not the most stupid person in the room. I will cover my back always. No one has my back. Like me, I'm a band of one, I'm one of one. I'm not looking for anyone to have my back, and the reality is, people will not have your back, even when the truth is glaring them in the face. I mean, after all this was happening, everyone knew what the status was, but no one was advocating for me, no one was saying actually no, I've seen all the chases Toy has sent. I've been on copy no one.
Speaker 2:He waited until the director of the project was on the call to then put me on the spot, was on the call to then put me on the spot. Like I'm the one delaying, motherfucker, I stay ready. I have a screen, I have a phone. When he listen, you know, when I shared the screen, I deliberately shared the screen so he could see that I had a folder for him. Don't play with me. You want to do your, your, your, your microaggressions me too. Let me do mine. I will meet you where you are. You want to die on the hill? I'll meet you on the hill.
Speaker 2:I've worked far too hard in my career to allow anybody to think that they can crush my self-esteem, discredit me or question my integrity. It's not motherfucking happening, and this is where we've got to get to as black women. We've got to get to a space and a point where we trust ourself enough that we're able to advocate for ourselves in situations where our integrity, the way we work, is being called into question, and you have to do it in the sexiest way possible Because, as I'm talking to him, I'm calm. You know, ah me, I'm calm Because, as soon as your voice becomes elevated, you're being aggressive, you're angry. No, we're not passionate. We're not passionate, we're not committed. No, that's not how they see it. They see it as if your voice becomes elevated, they're intimidated.
Speaker 2:And what I realise is they're not going to treat a black man like that. They're going to treat us like that. They're not going to treat a white woman like that because of fragility, but they believe that black women have this, this that we need to. It's almost like they operate from a space of. I'm not going to allow this black woman to think that she's better than me. I'm going to show her, I'm going to, and it's giving. It's giving slave trade vibes, it's giving colonization vibes and I'm not having it. I don't actually care who you are. You treat me with respect. I treat you respect, but what you're not going to do is try to discredit me in front of the director. You're mad, you're fucking crazy. So, stuart, he now knows that. I've got a folder on him. Everyone on the call. There was 15 of us on the call, 15 or 16 of us on the call. Everyone saw the folder.
Speaker 2:You want to start? I will plant the seeds. Everyone's going to know that you're incapable of actually doing your job, because what finance business partner has 15 iterations in the space of 48 hours? What the fuck is that, sir? Do you need me to buy you a calculator, sir? Oh hell, no. So I wanted to share that with you because I feel like number one one the further you go, the higher you go in any organization. This is what you're going to find. You need to stay ready. You need to always and it's not being on the offensive, it's actually staying ready to be able to back yourself, being able to justify your decision making, decision making being a safe pair of hands, obtaining those quick wins, obtaining an elevated sense of credibility in an organization. It can all.
Speaker 2:It could take years, months, years even, but it takes moments for somebody to put the boot in, especially when we're talking about, like someone said something to me recently and I hadn't actually processed it in the way they had said. It was true I am the only black woman on the entire project. I'm the only black woman. I'm often in meetings where I'm the only woman and whilst I I listen, I'm very well respected. I got really well with the project team.
Speaker 2:Um, like honestly, like we're consulting on, like we're consulting on a great project, like I can't complain, but there's always one that will test you. There's no such thing as a perfect environment of perfect. This doesn't exist. But this is why say, if you understand how to navigate, you can see things rolling. And don't get me wrong, there's some things you overlook, but there's certain things that I feel like you just can't, especially when you're put on the spot. You need to get the flavor of people quickly. Your discernment has to operate quick, because it could take years to build credibility moments, moments to discredit you, moments for people to doubt oh, is this person actually? No, we're not doing that Trigger warning. Can we just quickly talk about Jay-Z New tab.
Speaker 2:So Jane Doe has lodged a civil suit against Jayay-z? Um legal name sean carter. He is allegedly accused of raping a 13 year old girl within this lawsuit, in which she alleges that she was drugged and intoxicated and she was. She alleges that she was raped by jay-z and p and she accuses them of doing this after the VMA Awards in 2000. This civil suit has been lodged against Jay-Z and P Diddy.
Speaker 2:Let's read the statement from Jay-Z so Jay-Z's lawyer, alex Spiro, argues that the accuser's decision to file a lawsuit under the name Jane Doe was inconsistent with the genuine effort to determine the truth or falsity of these allegations, as opposed to an effort to procure a quick extortionate statement of these allegations. As opposed to an effort to procure a quick extortionate statement. Jay-z's lawyer went on to say, respectfully, they're seeking a dismissal of the allegations or disclosure of the plaintiff's identity. He went on to say it's not consistent with justice, fairness and the rules governing federal proceedings for the plaintiff, the accuser and her counsel to smear the defendant in this case, who is jay-z sean carter it's good name in ways that are calculated to feed media coverage and thus inflict maximum public relations damage, while the core fact that the plaintiff, the accuser's identity remains wholly hidden from view. Um so effectively, they want the identity to be released of who is the accuser. He has a right to face his accuser.
Speaker 2:So in jay-z's statement he calls the allegations idiotic and he basically um explained the conversation. He said that he will now have to have with his children, blue ivy, who's 12, in his twins, sire and rumi, who are seven. My only heartbreak is for my family. He says my wife and I will have to sit our children down, one of whom is at the age where her friends will surely see the press and ask questions about the nature of these claims and explain the cruelty and greed of people. I mourn yet another loss of innocence. Children should not have to endure such at their young age. It is unfair to have to try to explain and to understand inexplainable degrees of malice meant to destroy families and human spirit. He continued.
Speaker 2:Jay-z denounced the entire lawsuit as the work of a fraud and said his intention is to expose the lawyer representing the plaintiff. And they have asked that the judge deny the accuser who is the plaintiff in this case anonymity. So whilst we definitely have to see how this plays out, there is a learning lesson here. You see, jay, jay-z, you have to decide. Jay-z, like where you stand. Silence is your complicit in silence.
Speaker 2:We all saw the video of P Diddy and his systematically violent abuse of Cassie at the hotel. P Diddy and Jay-Z I don't know their relationship status now, but they were really good friends. In fact, the annual white party was held by both of them. Jay-z cannot distance himself from P Diddy and say that they weren't that good of friends. They were really good friends. Okay, that's what they put out to us, the public.
Speaker 2:But when the video of Cassie came out or was leaked, or whatever the case may be, jay-z didn't say a word. He didn't denounce it, he didn't say anything he could have easily have said I'm really disappointed at the video that I saw and the abuse that Cassie endured and whilst I have enjoyed a friendship with P Diddy, I will be having a conversation with him and ensuring that he gets the help that he needs, whilst also taking accountability for his actions. He could have said that Hold your friend accountable. Jay-z said nothing. Did he get arrested? He's denied bail. Did he stand in trial next year?
Speaker 2:Jay-z, you can't say nothing, you can't. There's, I feel like there's, certain people that just can't say nothing. I say, jay-z, like which side of history do you want to? Well, you know you've already picked the side of history you want to be on. But are we surprised at these allegations? For me, personally, I'm not. This is your Diddy, is your friend. So I'm already thinking show me your friends. Y'all know the rest and maybe these allegations are false, and maybe these allegations are false.
Speaker 2:But the point of the matter is, I think what this highlights is you need to be really careful of the people you're calling friends and you're pushing out to the world and you need to be vocal when it's required. You can't take a position that you have done in society, these white parties, these mergers and collaborations that you're doing and I say magic, you know what I mean like the fusion of um, your friendship and solidifying you know the culture, and then decide that you want to tap out of the culture when it doesn't see. It doesn't work like that. Now, 50 cent.
Speaker 2:You know our uncle, troll extraordinaire, says something really interesting and he said you know what? It'll be really interesting. What happens? Because jay-z has he's like the director, like he's one of the directors and that kind of picks who is on the super bowl and he has businesses and nfl like he, he. What happens to all those relationships, those business relationships? What happens? Because they are truly going to be harmed by these allegations, which is probably why, why also Jay-Z's come out and made a statement about it.
Speaker 2:But the reality is like silence has not benefited you, because now all of us are just looking at you. But the lesson here is you can't be quiet and think that precludes you, because silence is sometimes complicit of encouraging bad behavior or extremely bad behavior and, whether you want to accept it or not, ddd pdd has been a part of the culture and what has happened and what is transpiring is is truly sad, to the legacies of people connected to him, and you need to check the people that you're connected to. Are we going to talk about young philly? Not today, but we're going to have that conversation because I'm I definitely you know know that I did an episode where I spoke about young Philly and chunks and stuff, but as things are starting to come out like we need to talk about young Philly Yep, he's apparently been charged with driving recklessly whilst on bail for the allegation of rape in Australia. Yeah, let's talk about that. Let's talk about that. Let's talk about that Next episode.
Speaker 2:I want to thank you so much for listening. This has been a longish episode. I've enjoyed delivering it. I hope you received the messages and the themes and understood the themes of this episode and I'm going to continue to give you great content because y'all are deserving, y'alls have been tapped in, y'alls have supported and run like been on this journey and I'm really excited to be able to give you good quality content teach, educate, share some life lessons.
Speaker 2:Make sure you send me your dilemmas. Listen, your dilemmas will be read on time. Hello at toytalkscom. In the subject box just put put dilemma. So we know it's a dilemma and I'll address it in the next episode. I wish you all a very happy christmas because y'all know I'm a grinch and a very happy new year. This will be the last episode of this year 2024. I'll be back in january bigger, better, bolder and great equipment.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for listening. Make sure you follow me on social media. My um tiktok is toyah washington. Uh. Instagram toyah underscore washington. Uh. Snapchat toyah washington. All one words. And if you want to send us your dilemmas, you will be anonymous and we'll read advice. Tell me me what you're hoping to achieve, like what would be a best scenario for you, so I know how to advise you or how best to advise you. Thank you so much for all your love and support. Thank you for rocking with me and thank you for continuing to be on this toy talks journey. I will see you in 2025, by the grace of almighty God and the ancestors. My name is Toya Washington and you have been listening to the Toya Talks podcast Black Queen energy grown.
Speaker 1:No fantasy, just real talk. From classroom dreams to boardroom walk. Black woman power watch it shine. Breaking barriers, redesigning time From Tottenham Roads to CEO. Every step, teaching what we know, not just surviving but thriving more, opening every closed door. Toya Talks, toya Talks, toya Talks. Black Queen Talks, toya Talks, black Queens to the top. And we're still going, you, you.