The Toya Talks Podcast
The education system teaches us to learn and recall information and at the end of it we are tested and expected to then pass exams. After all said and done the reality is, we are supposed to get a job at the end of it. I was unaware of the difficulties I would encounter at work especially as a Black Woman. How do I navigate work and how do I keep a job? Education institutions do not prepare you for work, racism, bullying, and oppressive managers in the workplace. Where the education system has not prepared you, I will. Toya Talks is a platform birthed on my day to day uploads on Snapchat. I discuss the realities of work from the perspective of a Black Woman and how I have successfully navigated work using my experiences. Toya Talks Podcast covers the world of work and not just the corporate world. Black Women for too long have been overlooked and underrepresented in the workplace. Toya Talks is a safe place and a platform to share, grow and learn, more importantly, educate ourselves and everyone else so we can navigate and grow in the world of work more smoothly. This Podcast contains my opinions and feelings based on my lived experiences, my opinions and my Black experience. My views and experiences are in no way intended to cause offence. Lets put the sensitivity to one side, prepare to laugh, learn & grow!!!!
The Toya Talks Podcast
Caviar and Bullsh*t
This episode explores the cultural complexities underlying the case of Marcus Fakana, who faces prison time in Dubai under challenging circumstances involving consent and legality. It prompts a broader discussion about the importance of understanding cultural norms.
Additionally, we discuss the distinction between living and existing, the prevalence of coffee badging in modern workplaces, and the growing issue of fake job / ghost listings that candidates must navigate.
• Discussion of Marcus Fakana's case and its implications on cultural understanding
• Exploration of the differences between living and existing
• Discussion of coffee badging as a workplace trend
• Examination of fake job listings and ghost jobs in the job market
• Distinction between living and existing.
*Referenced Podcast:
Career Manifestation, Vision boards and Energy
https://open.spotify.com/episode/42k8UM3TJjpZCOOlLrp6oh?si=8FTrAn-YSHanB4-YhYUKqQ
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Music (Intro and Outro) Written and created by Nomadic Star
Wake up, wake up, wake up. It's the first of the month, wake up, wake up, wake up. It's the first of the month. When you're talking about music, you better have Bone Thugs-N-Harmony in that conversation. What do you know about First of the Month by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony? And if you do not know that track, well, first of all, I'm probably your auntie. Secondly of all, like you ain't clued up in music. And thirdly, you better get to know bone thugs and harmony are the truth. I don't know if they still do music, but I grew up listening to bone thugs and harmony and, honestly, I love them anyway. Happy new year.
Speaker 1:Welcome to a brand new episode of the toy talks podcast. It's the first episode of 2025. Can you believe it's 2025? In this episode, we are going to be discussing mar Fakana, who's currently serving a one-year prison sentence in Dubai for having consensual sex with an Indian girl who was UK-based 17-year-old at the time in Dubai. Yeah, we're going to get into that story and that conversation. We're going to be also talking about the difference between living and existing, because they're not synonymous. They are different, they're not one in the same things. We're also going to be discussing coffee badging. Yes, you heard coffee badging. Yep, we're going to get into that and the rise of fake job listings and how to spot a fake job, amongst other things.
Speaker 2:But you are locked into the Toya Talks podcast and it's the first episode of the year toy talks, council estates, a corporate space, first gen nigerian setting the pace from goldman sachs to pwc, building legacies for all to see. This lecture couldn't stop this flow. Lord decree, just watch me grow. Masters of the game. We show every sister how to own their throne, t-o-i-n. Let me show you how to navigate and elevate. That's what we do.
Speaker 1:Black queen, energy growing marcus vakana is a north london, tottenham born, who was 17 years old at the time when he went on holiday with his family to Dubai I believe they were celebrating his father's birthday. Now, upon my research, and there was actually a TikTok where his cousin, a TikTok live his cousin was actually on there and she gave us a bit more detail and effectively he didn't actually really want to go, but anyway, he ended up going on a holiday with his family and struck up a holiday romance. Now, this holiday romance. The young lady was 17 years old, I believe, at the time, and they struck up this romance. There's whatsapp communications between them. They met in and, to cut a long story short, his mother caught them having sex in their bed on holiday. Okay, now it is alleged that the mother, having caught her son having sex with this young lady, then obviously I don't know the detail of it, but ended up, you know, approaching her mum and telling her you know, effectively, my son has had sex with your daughter. Okay, it's also alleged that when the mother had informed the girl's mum I mean, I can imagine that she was doing it she thought she was doing the right thing, and it's also alleged that the mother then approached the Dubai police and basically reported Marcus and effectively said it was non-consensual sex with her daughter. Now, luckily for him, he was able to evidence that it was consensual sex with her daughter. Now, luckily for him, he was able to evidence that it was consensual through these WhatsApp conversations that they had had, which basically supported the fact that sex between both parties was consensual. Now the issue of consent isn't in question here, but is only being discussed from the purposes of acknowledging Dubai law.
Speaker 1:And what happened then is the the girl's mum and her family then return back to the UK. Marcus is still on holiday in Dubai with the family. Then the mother contacts allegedly contacts the dubai police and says well, fine, you said it's not consensual, but how could it have been when, when legally, you're not allowed to have sex or you know if you're under 18, and my daughter was 17, it's been acknowledged that she's 17 years old and it's been admitted that they've both had sex, so she was 17. So she couldn't have given you know she, you know it's against your law, she. She couldn't have understood what she was doing if the law states that she should be 18 to be able to have sex. And the police went on ahead and arrested Marcus. He was then on bail I think the equivalent here is on license effectively whereby, well, actually, I say on license, but on bail where he was at home I say home, but an Airbnb awaiting trial. That trial has taken place and he has been sentenced to one year. He has been sentenced to one year.
Speaker 1:When I heard about it, I really wanted to reserve judgment until I fully understood exactly what had happened. What you know, what you know, what happened, but why this was even happening. Right, in the UK, the age of consent is 16. And I think what this case throws out is a couple of things, and the first thing is you need to know the laws of the country that you're going to, especially the laws that are going to affect you. Ok, so, for example, if you're going to a company, a company, a country that is strict in terms of how women dress, then you have to dress how they dress in the country that you're going to. I'm not sitting here saying that you need to get a law degree, a Dubai law degree, to go to Dubai, but what I am saying is we all know that Dubai and the Middle East, the UAE in general, are quite strict on certain things, and there's some. You know. Dubai may be a bit relaxed on other things, but when it comes to religion, custom and law, they don't mess around. This is why, when we see these young people going over and starting trouble in Dubai, in my head I'm like why are you playing with your life? Because you're not going to get the same flexibility that you have in the UK, and we have to understand that you cannot apply the customs of the UK and other countries. That's not how this works.
Speaker 1:I think what was really disturbing about this is the extent in which the young lady's mum went to ensure that Marcus, basically, was arrested and thrown into prison. That's what she wanted. That was her intention, hence why she basically said it was non-consensual. How do you know it was non-consensual? Did she tell it was non-consensual Because the evidence says otherwise? Now, this is my humble opinion. This is my view. I think that if it is and it's alleged right, because we haven't heard from Marcus's mum, but it is alleged that Marcus's mum is the one that told this young lady's mum that her son and her daughter had had sex, right, I don't know why she would do that. I'm not sure what the motivation was. I can assume what it is, but I don't know why she would do that.
Speaker 1:Typically, in a lot of Asian families, you know, having sex outside of a marriage is a massive taboo, and just because you're on holiday it doesn't remove cultural sensitivities that we should have. Being raised in Tottenham. It's so ethnically diverse and so like culturally diverse, there's no way that you wouldn't be clued up on Indian culture, especially the especially, especially the dynamics between the black community and the Asian community, whilst we may be similar in terms of cultural understanding and things like that, but we are very different, do you understand? And I personally believe that the mother was racially motivated to be spiteful towards Marcus. I think this is my view. I believe that the Indian girl's mum was mortified when Marcus's mum told her, allegedly, that her son had had sex with this woman's daughter, and I think that she felt like it was a dishonour to her family. I think that she was ashamed, I think that she wanted to punish the young girl, and I think this is the reason why she went to extreme lengths to ensure that Marcus would be charged with anything.
Speaker 1:And here we are today Marcus is serving now a one year sentence for a holiday romance, and from reports from his family, you know, they say that he's a very respectful young man. He's a really nice young man, like he's hardworking, from a really good family, like he's not the type to kind of like disrespect a woman or, you know, put himself in a situation whereby his integrity would be compromised. He was just somebody who, you know, met a young lady. They really liked each other. It was mutual, it was consensual, they were having a holiday romance that they wanted to kind of move forward when they returned back to the UK and it just so happened that part of consummating this holiday romance is that they had sex. And I think that there's racial undertones in this case. I think that this young lady's mother I think that Marcus could have been any race and I think the mother would have done the same thing, but the fact is he is a black, young black man, and I think that she has willfully destroyed his life. And I think that these are the things that nobody wants to talk about is the impact this is going to have on Marcus. He will probably never recover from what's happened and it will leave tremendous scarring.
Speaker 1:I think that this is a case that we all need to be aware of, especially with young people who go on holiday. You know, my first holiday by myself without my family, I was like 21, 22. And I remember going to Tunisia. I wasn't clued up in the cultural sensitivities of Tunisia at the age of 21. There's certain conversations we need to be having with our young people about to respect traditions and I think we need to be really crude about these conversations about sex and we need to be. You know, I never thought that. You know, I've got a daughter and she's a toddler, but I know that she gets to a certain age and I'm going to have to have conversations about sex with her, and it's probably going to be at the age 11 or 12. Yeah, the age is getting younger and younger to have conversations about sex with her, and it's probably going to be at the age 11 or 12. Yeah, the age is getting younger and younger to have these conversations.
Speaker 1:But going on holiday and really understanding what a holiday is, it's about making sure that no one else has access to your suitcase. Don't carry anything for anybody, even if you're in the queue and someone says, oh, you don't have much in your suitcase. This has happened to me before when I went on holiday with my dad. Well, you don't have, you only have one suitcase. Can you carry mine? The answer is no. Don't touch other people's suitcases, do not, you know, don't put yourself in compromising situations. Be suspicious of people who are too forward in talking to you. When you're on holiday, please refrain from having sex in certain countries. In fact, refrain from holiday romances that will then evolve into sex.
Speaker 1:I think these are the conversations we need to be having with our young people. It's almost like a starter pack, and this needs to be it, because our children are becoming even more independent. Our young people are wanting to explore. They are leaving the country and you're not always going to be there and we need to be very clear about some of the risks and some of the you know some of the ignorances that our children have, not because of anything, but just because they're really young and they don't really think they have to know these things, and as a parent, you can't think about everything, but this is an example where, as a parent, now we need to be very guided about teaching our children customs of countries and respecting countries and laws of the receiving country. They're going to Number one. We need to have conversations about interracial dating with our young people and the effects of that and how that would be perceived and received as black people, as black people, and how society depicts us and how cultural differences could place us in a position we are discriminated against because we're seen as X, y, z. I think we need to be that honest with our young people and I think I remember growing up and you know, there was a massive drugs pandemic when I was growing up, right, and one of the things that my parents were really scared about is drugs and I was going to parties.
Speaker 1:I was, you know, going out with friends, I was integrating with people and my dad did not know how to tackle the whole conversation with drugs other than to tell me don't take drugs. But there was a young lady called Leah Betts and she had been given an ecstasy tablet and she basically ended up in hospital, was um, effectively brain dead. They were keeping her alive on a ventilator and my dad made sure that I followed that story. I grew up the age of the newspaper. My dad would put the newspaper underneath my my door. My dad would have conversations with me and he would hammer it into me that don't be that one person that takes the ecstasy tablet or takes a drug and ends up brain dead, because this could be you. Not everybody that takes a drug will end up like this, but you could be that one person. You could be that 1%, 2%, 5% that could end up like this. Your life is finished and ruined, though literally, that's what my dad said and honestly, I can't sit here and lie to you.
Speaker 1:I did marijuana. I went to Amsterdam with my friends. I was in my 20s and I did a bit of marijuana, but you know it, it was all about proportion, um, but I never touched ecstasy. I never touched pills. Pills I never. I never touched any drugs outside of marijuana, and part of that was because of the way my parents were so open about their fears about drugs, and I was. I literally watched somebody a similar age to me at the time be that 1% and ended up in hospital. There was pictures and her parents were Leah Betts' parents God rest her soul were really clear about, you know, allowing this situation to be an example to young people about the effects of drugs and the effects on the family of drugs.
Speaker 1:So we need to be that clear with our young people and have these very frank conversations. Unfortunately, they're not indulging in their innocence for long enough, but they're seeking independence and with independence comes responsibility and as adults, we need to also have a hand in that responsibility and be clear to them about the consequences of their actions, especially when they're abroad, and that when they're making these life defining decisions, they may seem like you know minor things, but they can culminate into massive things. Marcus's life will never be the same again, never be the same again, and I really hope that he gets the therapy that he he's gonna need to be able to deal with the trauma of what he has gone through by choosing to have a holiday romance which, in all intents and purposes, would be normal is that, you know, normal inverted commas. But also, we need to have conversations that, just because you are, you know, raised in a society especially Tottenham, being raised where it's so diverse, not everybody has diverse thinking. You know, I, in my humble opinion, I think that this young lady's mother was racially motivated in her decision. I definitely feel that race played a massive role in her decision and she, she, was on a crusade to punish him and his life. I just, I just don't, I don't, I don't, I don't know what to say, you know, other than just I just feel so sorry for him. I feel so sorry for the parents. The mum must be beside herself because, let's be real, would the outcome have been the same had she not told this young lady's mum? Probably not, because even if they would come to the UK and the mum would report it, nothing would happen, because the age of consensual sex here is 16. So, and the young lady was 17. So, yeah, let's keep Marcus Fakana in our prayers and his family in our prayers. I hope this is a quick, you know, prison sentence of a year.
Speaker 1:People are talking about how the MP for Tottenham, who is David Lammy, should have stepped in. He did. He had I don't think he had a full press conference, but he was quoted as saying that the Foreign Office is in talks with the family X Y Z. I don't know why anybody's looking for David Lammy to do anything. As far as I'm concerned, david Lammy, I don't even know how he got voted as the MP for Tottenham. That man is self-serving, selfish. I cannot stand David Lammy. I don't think he represents the people, his constituency, and I'm talking to somebody who is a Tottenham woman born and bred, and personally, for me, I don't know what David Lammy brings to the people of Tottenham. I just don't get him. And now he's the foreign secretary, which I even more so I don't understand his role as foreign secretary. I'm not saying that he can go there and kind of, you know, dictate to Dubai about how to apply their legislation, but the UK has influence and they could have used their influence to either reduce the sentence considerably or have him brought home and, you know, maybe have a conversation with him, educate I don't know, but he could have used his power. But instead, what that? What he does is he has conversations about how much money they're going to fund ukraine's war against russia, and the focus is on on a war that we haven't voted for. He spends his time there talking gibberish and indulging in flipping caviar and bullshit, and you've got this young boy's life, who is his life is altered and I don't want to say destroyed, because I do think that you know that there is life after this, but I can't imagine what he's going through, I can't. And he's in a Dubai prison and that is not, it's not a holiday camp, yeah. So prayers to Marcus for Kana and his family.
Speaker 1:So whenever I talk about the US or our US listeners, I'm going to be referring them to them as our cousins. And the reason why is I've recently done a 23andMe and I have distant cousins, and I'm talking about third, fourth generation cousins, yeah, and up to fifth, and they're in the US Texas, michigan, maryland Honey I got relatives in the States, honey. So when I refer to our US colleagues or our US counterparts, I'm going to be calling them our cousins. Yeah, because they're my cousins. I don't know about y'all. Y'all need to get to a 23andMe and don't get it twisted. I know there's controversy about 23andMe. I am going to be exploring that in a later podcast because let me tell you something If these people take my DNA and do anything, understand now I'm here to tell you I give them no authority to use my dna outside of what I ask them to do. It's just a test, my lineage.
Speaker 1:So, um, I did my 23andme. I think it was last year. I want to say it was last year or the year before. Actually, no, it's 2023. I did it. Let me tell you what it says, right? So it says I'm a hundred percent sub-Saharan African. Listen, I know that one already. Okay. Now, when we break it down, it says I'm 99% West African Nigerian hailing from the Igbo people yeah, yeah. And it goes even further the Imo tribe people yeah, yeah, and it goes even further the immo tribe. So I'm from immo state already. I know this already. And then I know some of you are there just waiting, just waiting there on a bicycle.
Speaker 1:What's the one percent, instead of you to find the one percent of the reason why you haven't washed your microwave or cleaned your microwave, coming to tell me what's the 1%. I'm joking, I'm joking. I'm joking. Can't we just joke in 2025? So the 1%, it says let me get that 1% for y'all.
Speaker 1:It says African diaspora, jamaican yeah, you heard me, it's. The 1% is Jamaican. So that's why I can throw my accent really well and listen, let me tell you something I grew up in say. Let me tell you something like y'all don't know, I grew up in Tottenham, you understand. So I had a lot of influences in my growing up, and being Jamaican or Jamaican people were part of that influence. Jamaica, um, uh. Ghanaian, um. We had latinas. We had turkish people, we had albanians. So for me, this is what I grew up in.
Speaker 1:I was surprised. I'm not gonna lie about the one person jamaica in my head I'm like, and it is about the transatlantic slave trade. This is kind of where this is from right and if you understand your black history, you will, you will know that, um, you know, a lot of people in africa were made slaves and then disbanded into different countries where you'll find actually a large population of evo people in jamaica like, let me not give you this history lesson that they don't give you in school but into different countries where you'll find actually a large population of Igbo people in Jamaica. Like, let me not give you this history lesson that they don't give you in school, but I know my history, so this 1% that I yeah, I was even shocked. It even says it like. It goes into a lot of detail. Yeah, it says you are connected through shared ancestors to people of predominantly african descent from jamaica as well as parts of haiti and cuba, relating shared, reflecting shared ancestry following centuries of migration between these islands. It's not migration, it's slave, the slave trade, the transatlantic slave trade.
Speaker 1:Jamaicans genetic ancestry is overwhelmingly from sub-Saharan Africa through. Many Jamaicans have some European and indigenous American Taino genetic ancestry as well. This is brilliant. It goes into so much detail. So I'm not recommending you go and do 23andMe, but I was really curious. Part of my curiosity is, obviously I've got a daughter and my daughter is half Nigerian, quarter Tanzanian and quarter Kenyan. So when I look at her I can see that she is mixed. You can definitely see that she's ethnically mixed and people really convolute and get confused race and ethnicity. My daughter is ethnically mixed and I can definitely see it in her.
Speaker 1:And I just wanted to be very clear about um being. You know, if I am Nigerian and Igbo like what, what is? Is there anything else? Because my family, uh, visually are like we look so different, you can tell we're all related, but there are a lot of European um, you know, there there's a lot of like I could see it. Do you know what I mean? And my dad said to me well, actually I don't even want to get into what my dad said to me, but me and my dad had a conversation. It was very honest and he said, you know, he wishes that his dad could have been tested because he has suspicions of kind of multi-ethnicities within our family. However, now I've been tested, I can see that I'm 99% Nigerian, igbo, and I'm so grateful and I'm so proud because in every life I would always come back as a black woman, especially and specifically Nigerian and specifically Igbo. So I'm very, very happy about that. So anyone who's interested 23andme on your head shall be it do your research, because them labs there. 23andme, I'm coming for you anyway. Yeah, we're going to do that research, I'm coming for you.
Speaker 1:Trump is due to take office in January. I don't remember what date he's going to be sworn in, but it is this January. And I know in the US our cousins are going through a lot. There's a lot going on at the moment and there's there's this karmic shift that feels like it's happening in the world. Anyway, um, I'm, I'm. I'm gonna say this. I'm just gonna headline this and say I'm not.
Speaker 1:I wouldn't call myself a Trump supporter. I think it's a bit far-fetched when I say the words. I am a supporter. I really believe in what someone says, their ideologies, and it takes a lot for me to be a supporter of. I really believe in what someone says, their ideologies, and it takes a lot for me to be a supporter of somebody, especially somebody as controversial as Trump. Now, I'm also not directly affected by his policies. But I am vicariously because, in usual copy copy fashion, when the US does something, the UK usually follows suit, right.
Speaker 1:But what I will say is I do respect Trump for his tenacity and his boldness and it's that white man attitude of they can and they will the fact that this man has no credentials, other than obviously he was formerly the president of the US, but even before then, when we look at like on paper, he doesn't really have what you would consider would be the typical requirements of a US president, of any president. And yet this man will be a twice serving president and you've got to respect it, bearing in mind that he's facing charges and has been found guilty of certain charges, and yet he has still been elected. If that doesn't tell you to go out there and face your dreams, I don't know really what will. But I do respect the fact that he is, you know, putting together his cabinet and he's actually what seems to be. His objective is to run the US like a business. He is a businessman. He's a successful businessman, albeit that you may question certain business ventures, he is still successful in his own right and we've got to respect that.
Speaker 1:And I think that what I also respect about him is, you know and I said it before he was campaigning for this presidential election that he has now won, when he lost the last one to Joe Biden, and it's about focus and I think there's a lot of things in terms of that and kind of how he has positioned himself and how he's focused and how he's been able to manifest something that he has wanted. I do respect that. Do I respect his policies? Not all of them. Do I think he's a racist? I do think he has racist ideologies. I don't know if I'd call him a racist person. He has racist ideologies, but is he a racist person? I think that he uses he race plays a lot Sometimes. I find it difficult to really conclude if he's racist, because sometimes then he'll have certain views about immigration which I actually believe. I don't think they're racist in itself and that may be controversial to people.
Speaker 1:But I'm not full of follow the crowd, okay, I do my research, I deep dive. I really try to understand why someone's saying something. Right, it's like Candice Owens. I wouldn't have said I was a massive supporter of Candice Owens or massive viewer, but I wouldn't say I was against her anyway. Do I think that she's a controversial character. Yes, but that doesn't make her. What have they labelled her? She hates black women. I don't have that view about her. I find her really interesting, actually, and I'm really researching, understanding and educating myself, because one thing I think society is too quick to do is to label someone something and then discredit them and then remove them and try to debunk them by focusing on things that are not important in the conversation. And I think when a black woman has an alternative view from the masses, they're seen as problematic. And I'm sitting here telling you that I am not against Candace Owens. I'm interested in her, I'm researching some of her ideologies and her policies and the things that she says. We don't have to have shared views we don't but we can respect people's viewpoints and I think that's that's something that I feel like it challenges the black community here in the UK is respecting other people's viewpoints as just a differing viewpoint, rather than taking a stance about something.
Speaker 1:But just staying on the topic of Donald Trump for a moment, there was a statement that Donald Trump made. He was at some type of rally. That man is always in a rally. You know he has won the presidency. This man is still at a rally, but anyway, maybe it's just to thank the people that voted for him. I do not know. But there's a really interesting comment he made about Trump and Elon Musk and basically people were calling Elon Musk uh, the I think they were referring to him as the president-elect and it's basically to undermine Trump. Basically, I find their relationship Elon Musk and Trump quite an interesting relationship. It's not going to last that relationship. The fallout will be similar to Kanye West and Adidas. I expect it to be a very long, drawn out, painful breakup. Elon Musk understands how politics works, especially with Tesla and especially with X, formerly Twitter and he understands the need to kind of insert himself into politics for the better good of his businesses and those two I've just mentioned are two of a few businesses that he has and he understands how politics can change the direction of his business.
Speaker 1:I mean, look at TikTok, for example. I believe it has been mandated that TikTok either sell to a US company or they will be removed from the US. So potentially TikTok may not be operating in the US and I wonder what is going to happen, because I don't think TikTok can survive outside of the US. I think US plays a huge role within TikTok and I don't think TikTok can survive outside of the US. I think US plays a huge role within TikTok and I don't think that people want to have that conversation, but if TikTok is not in the US, it's a downward spiral.
Speaker 1:So anyone who's working at TikTok, obviously on this podcast we teach, guide and educate black women how to navigate the world of work and, in turn, highlight the path of our success. This podcast centres black women how to navigate the world of work and, in turn, highlight the path of our success. This podcast centers black women first and then centers black men, then all women, all men. That's that's. That's that's the truth of how we are. In this podcast. You know, we keep it real, um, and if we're going to be discussing the world of work in the way that we do and how to navigate and all the things that sit behind the world of work, then I think we need to have honest conversations about TikTok now.
Speaker 1:Um, I know a couple of people that work in TikTok. I I was interested in working at TikTok at a time. I'm really glad I didn't pursue it, um, just because sometimes I feel like you have to allow companies to bed in like. I can definitely see how companies can be a fad. And I think with TikTok, the insurgence of TikTok came during the pandemic, when we was at home and we had a lot of time to spare, and what we did, we spent time making TikTok successful and in making it successful, and I think the black community led in that charge. I mean, we had all the music and the dancing and the choreographed. Well, I say choreographed, was it choreographed? No, but the dances that we had with TikTok, and I think that we as a black community around the world were instrumental for the success of TikTok and then everything else that has come since then.
Speaker 1:So, in terms of commerce and buying and selling on TikTok, and I think, for me personally, if I'm looking for a quick review, a quick synopsis of anything, I'm going to TikTok. I ain't going to Google. If I want a food review of a restaurant, I'm going to TikTok. Do you know what I mean? I ain't got time because sometimes you need the visuals, you need it punchy, and this is why I said Google. I'm just bringing you in. I think you need to buy a TikTok. I think you need to buy TikTok and then allow the powers that have been to continue to run it, but let it just be under the umbrella of Google. And that's because Google, I don't understand what y'all are doing. And your AI tool, what's it called? Genesis or Gemini y'all? Anyway, I'm, I'm just gonna, I'm just giving you advice as a consumer. I definitely think you need to consider it. Um, but, yeah, sorry, so I, we, we we're talking about TikTok, isn't it? Because, um, I'm talking about Elon Musk and, um, yeah, just being in there with the government, and I think TikTok is a casualty of the evolving government of the US that is not in support of TikTok because of how it is who owns it. Yeah, I'm not going to get into all of that. That's another episode.
Speaker 1:Anyway, I say all of this to say that Trump made a comment about Elon Musk and he says because everyone was saying that Elon is the real president elect, and Trump went on to say I'm safe that he is never going to be president. You know why? Because he was not born in this country. That's what Trump said about Elon Musk. It's such a powerful statement because when I heard it, I was like well, this is the view of most white men in the UK, where they believe that because we were not born in this country or our families were not born in this country, because I was born here. But when I say we were not born here, that we're not from here originally. So the way they look at it is we are from where our parents are from, which is the truth. But being born here doesn't mean we're from here. That's how most white people I say most, because most white people do think it.
Speaker 1:A lot of people in the UK are closet racists and thank God for video footage on phones and being able to record, because I feel like a lot of these racist people hide. But a lot of these people that hold these very prejudiced, prejudicial and racist views are often your ceos, they are directors, they, they are senior members of hr. Some of them are racist, some of them are racist. Listen, the edl are not made up just um from the skid marks of society, even though everyone in the edl, I believe, potentially have skid mark traits. But the point is not everybody in the EDL are from, um, you know, poor sectors of society, like a lot of people in the EDL are holding, like, senior jobs and are from senior sectors in society and I don't think people realize this. I think people have a view of who.
Speaker 1:I think because of the recent riots and where those riots were, I think people have a false view on where racism sits in this country and actually racism doesn't sit in any one class, because there's a classist society we're living in. The reason why you have fractions like the EDL is because it can be funded. Who do you think is funding these racist fractions? It's people who are working, earning money Tony Robinson is. Who do you think is funding him?
Speaker 1:Like we need to start having those real conversations because I feel like I feel like as a community, we don't want to tap into those conversations because we're going to have to confront certain things. That means that there's a call to action, to speak up and to use our voices, and I think there's many of us in the black community that don't want to do that. Because aggro and I get it, because, as a black woman, it is often quite tiring being a black woman in society. But if I, if I was to come back reincarnation, I would always come back as a black woman and that would always be my choice. I would not want to come back as any other person other than a black woman. I love being a black woman, but heavy is the crown. Okay, heavy is the crown, but, yeah, when trump made that statement about elon musk, I thought to myself this, and this is where I say about Trump that he has, you know, I've never heard him say, or I've never heard him say, certain things that I would ultimately say you're a racist.
Speaker 1:Like wanting the borders to control immigration doesn't necessarily make him racist, by the way, it's the same as the UK wanting to control the borders. It's just that he says inflammatory things to get people talking about the conversation of immigration. You have to understand how you're being used here. You have to understand how you're being used here to push an agenda, and I definitely think that Trump, for example, he said recently that when he he comes into office, he wants to, you know, pass some legislation where if you have people who are immigrants that come over, he come over to the us to study, for example, so they were on a study visa and they attend the top colleges I'm assuming, top universities is what what he is saying and they get top grades. Rather than going back to their country and becoming millionaires, he wants to allow these people to get a green card to stay in the US after they've graduated with their top honors, to start businesses or to work with these multinational businesses. Because the way he sees it, and from business perspective, is if you have passed at one of these elite colleges and you have like a first class or an honours or whatever, you'll do well to further the economy in the US, rather than take all that knowledge, all that experience, all your accomplishments to your home country and make them rich. That is a business way of looking at things. Now, if he was racist in the definition of what racism is in society, would he want to do that? Now some people can say, yeah, but it's still self-serving. Being racist is not self-serving in the context in which I'm saying it.
Speaker 1:Donald Trump wants to make America great and whilst I do not agree with the racist ideologies of mega, I understand the political agenda that Trump has when he does certain things or he says certain things. So his wanting to make America great is to truly inject the economy, truly use immigration for its benefits, and its benefits is if you're going to fund your education, if you're going to get top honours, I want you to be able to stay here, because some of the talent that we require is not already in our country. But since you've decided to study here, you've got great honours, you've got an A here, you've got great honors, you've got an a, you've got. You've got um. A distinction then you are. Now it's difficult for you to get a job in the the us. I don't want it to be difficult for you, I want you to stay here, I want you to benefit our country and I want you to.
Speaker 1:I mean, that's a business way of looking at things, um, but trump saying that elon musk it basically is not a risk to his presidency, because to be a president in the US, you have to be, you have to be born in the US. It's him redefining what he believes his superpower is as a white man in the US, and that is the truth that your credential for being president, one of the one of the credentials, is that you need to be born in the US. That's not a racist thing to say. It's the bloody truth. That's what the constitution says and it's a reminder of how being born in a certain place and being born to a certain family can change your life, and it's not based on anything other than what the ancestors, what God fate change your life, and it's not based on anything other than what the ancestors, what god fate, um, and it's a reminder for elon musk to get back in his box that he will never be on the same level as trump. And the way trump sees it, you're not a threat to me at all, um, and it's important that I brought that here because I think that we need to think about what that actually means to you.
Speaker 1:You know, from the perspective in the world of work, where you're made to feel like you're not good enough. Sometimes people hold these views that unless you are like, for example, if you're working in a company where all the executives are white, what do you think your chances are of getting on the exec board? It's quite slim, isn't it? But some people have these views that unless you are, would you be in these elite positions? And the answer is no. And sometimes it's about understanding the criteria in which people are assessing our eligibility. What is your eligibility personally? For me, I don't want to be a token hire. I'm not interested in all of that. And on the other side is, and if you want to see yourself being represented, sometimes you have to be the token, but it's what you do when you get there. So, yeah, I wanted to share that because I just thought it was so interesting.
Speaker 1:So I have two feature topics that I wanted to bring to the forefront of this podcast episode, and one of them is called coffee badging. I mentioned it in the intro of this episode and, effectively, coffee badging is you go to the office. In its simplest form you go to the office, you have a coffee, have a meeting and you leave straight after the meeting. You go home early. That's coffee badging. So you know, if I just bring it home a little bit, it's the idea that you go in like you've been mandated to go to the office maybe two, three days a week. Right, but what sits behind that mandate is control. We know this. Like, why are you telling me I need to be in the office three days a week? What purpose does it serve?
Speaker 1:Now, a lot of organisations talk about culture and talk about how it's easier to manage staff if they're in the office. So you know, I have Amazon corporate staff in my thoughts when I when I say this, because I know that it's been mandated by their CEO of of Amazon, that they are mandated to come to the office five days a week and that actually commenced in the new year, which is now. So I don't even know how they're doing that, but we can get into that a little later. But it's the idea that you're being mandated to come in. So, even if it's hybrids and it's saying three days a week, which I've told you guys, I don't believe three days a week is hybrid.
Speaker 1:Well, the point is you come in and you come in for your meeting so say, if you've got a meeting at 12, so you come in at 11, you'll go to your meeting and then you might have a coffee, have a bit of a chit chat, just to say your colleagues know you're there right, especially the one that is always mentally, you know, making a note of who's in and that's not their job. They're just making a note of it. Um, and then after you you effectively go home early so you could you get in at 11, you have your meeting at 12, maybe, have a coffee and a chit chat. Um, after maybe your meeting is half an hour, so you have a meeting in a chit you have after you meet, you have a bit of a chit chat until one and then you go home, um, that's what they call coffee badging and effectively, um, cnbc did a, did a whole study on it and, effectively, what they said is that the employees revolt against the back to work office mandate and it's the idea that you know for them, um, for them, for us, you go into the office and you're, you're effectively going in because it's mandated, but you're only going in for a specific purpose. When that purpose have been met, then you go home.
Speaker 1:Um, a lot of organisations have said that productivity continues to be an issue and this is the reason why they're mandating staff to come back to the office. But ultimately, productivity is in the eyes of the beholder. What do you believe productivity is? Because, for me, I don't think it's productive to navigate the transport system. Here in the UK and I know in the US as well, especially in New York transport system isn't great, especially when you're getting into the office in the morning. So a journey that should maybe take you 20 minutes takes you two hours, for example, because everybody's trying to use the transport system at peak times to get into the office. My dad always used to say part of someone's job is getting into the office and it's then you've got to settle down. It's so disruptive and it's so expensive, because when people talk about coffee badging they don't talk about the cost of transportation which continues to rise here in the UK. So when you're mandating staff to go back in the office, you're not also increasing salaries to meet the travel expectation that has now changed or that has now been mandated. So then you're putting pressure on people financially, you're putting pressure on people psychologically and mentally having to navigate the transport system which in the UK is expensive and unreliable.
Speaker 1:And in the US CNBC reports that two in five people, which equates to about 43% of professionals, are stuck in the same job because of lack of mobility. So it's easier to then mandate back back to the office. I would rebut that and say lack of mobility is mainly due to lack of motivation of that particular employee who maybe is not motivated enough to have any type of mobility. And we talk about mobility. Growth within an organization is not the actual going in, necessarily going into the office, but effectively people feel maybe stuck in the same roles and actually going into the office and integrating will give them the mobility to be able to network and come out of their rut. But it's a choice some people are happy to be in the same role for 10-15 years, and that's people's choice. I don't think that you should put pressure on people to want more for them more for them than they want for themselves and I think people have to aspire to whatever their dreams allow them to. Mandating back to the office is not going to make somebody want to rise up the ranks. In fact, I think what it will do is cause people to push back.
Speaker 1:And I guess, just on the topic of Elon Musk, Elon Musk has been recruited into Trump's cabinet, which is not surprising, but Elon Musk has an additional job to the many jobs that he has. Elon Musk and Vivek Ramawemi are co-leaders of the Department of Government Efficiency and as part of their co-leadership roles, they have led the charge and mandated a five day a week in person of all federal workers. So federal workers in the UK that would be government workers and they have mandated five days a week in the office. I believe it's starting January, so starting now, and this in itself kind of mitigates the whole badging right, because if you're having people come in five days a week, you're mitigating people coming in just for meetings and then going home early. So this is the way that they are. They are doing it. And Trump I say Trump sorry because you know Trump and Elon Musk you know sometimes they're one in the same and sometimes they couldn't be further apart. But Elon Musk has been really clear and very vocal about his kind of he detests, kind of remote working, even within Tesla itself, his corporate staff, he's mandated they come into the office five days a week, and I believe TikTok as well, and he's basically said if you don't want to do that, then these are not the companies for you, and that's fair enough, right, if that's what they want.
Speaker 1:I can tell you very well for myself, any organization that mandates five days a week. I won't be working for them Because that to me. I need a flexibility. I mean I need work life balance and I do not work when I'm in the office.
Speaker 1:Whenever I have to go in the office, it's either for a team meeting, a specific meeting, so maybe I coffee badge because I have come in for a specific meeting. I'll have that meeting. I may make some notes after the meeting, you know, just views, ideas, whatever, and then I'll go home early, because number two is I'm not going to do the rush hour traffic to get home. That's bullshit for me. I need stress free, and stress free is I can't do the traveling. So if I have to go into the office, maybe there's a meeting that needs to be done in person with a client, um, and I have to maybe go on site or to their site If the I always have the meeting after 10, because traveling before 10 is really expensive. So the meeting is usually between 11, 12 or one. I'll go in for that meeting. I've saved money. I've avoided stress of trying to get into the office. I will take my notes, have that meeting. I may get a coffee. Yeah, I coffee patch, but not. Yeah, I do, actually, but not to avoid anything.
Speaker 1:But I'm being efficient with my time and then when I'm done I'll go home and then I log on back to work. It's not like I'll go home and then I'll go and have a spa day. I go home and I'm doing work. Do you know what I mean? So for me it's about being efficient with my time. I don't have a lot of time.
Speaker 1:I'm a working career, mother and wife. So for me, I'm very clear about what my job is. I'm very clear about what my job is. I'm very clear on the projects I work on. I mean, I'm in a consultancy environment, so that basically means that at any one time I could have more, more than one client at a time. I sometimes have to go to client site. I'm not I don't avoid going to client site. I have no issue. But if I am going to go to client site, I'm going to go there for a purpose and after I'm done with that purpose, I'm going home to log on back to work. But Elon Musk is vehemently against working from home, so the pandemic must have been a flipping nightmare for him.
Speaker 1:And we're just entering a state now, especially in the UK, where the future is looking a lot like the past for employees and there was no employee pushback or there's limited employee pushback, because I don't know what it is about the UK, the UK, they're so polite with enforcing their rights. It's very mad to me and I feel like, yes, okay, you know, we're definitely more in an employer market and I think the employees were so shocked with the power that we had that we lost it really quickly. Um, and I think we need to be a bit more like France and a bit more vocal about in, like you know, pushing for our rights and being a bit more vocal in terms of collective vocal, collectively being vocal about pushing back to these employers. Because what I've always said to people is, especially when you're going in an interview, there's a mutual requirement you need a job, they've got a position to fill. It's a mutual beneficial relationship. But I don't think that transcends into kind of the environment that we're working in.
Speaker 1:Or when you are having interviews. They'll promise you stuff and it won't be in the contract and some of you are like dandily walking around thinking you're going to get all the things they promised in an interview. You then try to enforce what they've promised and they push back. It's not in the contract. You also have to take responsibility. We all do as employees in what we expect.
Speaker 1:If you want flexibility, approach companies who are flexible. Have that inserted into your contract. When a role is hybrid, what does that mean? I can't believe some of us are still into this thing where you don't want to ask questions because you don't want to rule yourself out of a role, but what you are willing to do is be uncomfortable to accept a role and then fight because you want flexibility that they never really wanted to enforce and you never held them to account to enforce through your contractual relationship with them. I will never understand it. Don't get me wrong. I know it's really hard when you're in contract negotiations to have organisations put things in place into your contract that you discussed in an interview. But policy where's the policy? You need to to ask for these, especially when you're dealing with HR, because you're not dealing now with the hiring manager, you're dealing with HR and I don't think people utilize that relationship enough to enforce what they want in in in an organization and you're not always going to get everything you want.
Speaker 1:But you have to know what the non-negotiables are, what you're flexible on and what you need to be able to do your job properly. And it's currently an employer's market at the moment, unfortunately. I guess with coffee badging, it's employees looking for more flexibility and to meet demands for returning to work and I don't people think coffee badging is evading being in the office. And I think it's people's responses to being flexible and understanding how to utilise time efficiently rather than just going and filling a seat, a bum on a seat, employees, to see the whites of your eyes and to say, yep, tick, box toys in the office. That's bullshit and it doesn't work for me.
Speaker 1:I want to work for organisations that treat me like an adult, treat me with respect. I want to work for organizations that understand the role I do and how I'm able to deliver that role efficiently. As soon as that changes, I'm out. I'll find another organization. There's so many organizations also that are international and they will say to you listen, can you do US hours, can you do international? And they will say to you listen, can you do US hours? Can you do Dubai hours? Can you do Qatar hours? They will say you can work in the UK. We have no issue with that, we can pay you in dollars, but will you do our hours? And that there is a rise in that.
Speaker 1:But I'm going to talk about kind of the job market, the changes and my predictions for the world of work towards the end of the episode. But yeah, I wanted to share with you coffee badging, because they're trying to say it's a phenomenon. It's not a fucking phenomenon. But I will say, be very, very careful in terms of coffee badging, because they are using swipe data to determine productivity and to monitor um people who are attending the office and productivity and I guess some of them. Some of the reasons why they're mandating back to work is also the ability to kind of whittle down staff. I think organisations have over-employed and they are looking to avoid, you know, redundancy costs by mandating people go back to the office and hope that some people rebel and say I'm not going to do this, I'm going to leave this organisation. And it's you know, they say, and it is the truth that employers employee recruitment is very expensive, so if somebody decides to leave, then that organisation doesn't have to look at a redundancy package. So yeah, mandating back to work has a twofold effect. Mandating back to work has a twofold effect and coffee badging is on the rise. But I don't think it's a bad thing, and I have to say that because even when I was researching coffee badging, it's like you're trying to dodge something and it's not. It's an employee's efficient use of time. You know, people enter the new year and they're like new year, new me. I think it's bullshit.
Speaker 1:I've got an episode and I will put it in the show notes, about manifestation boards. I spent the new year. Let me tell you what I did. I did my vision board. I was so proud of my vision board. I'm so proud of the fact that I've gotten into that routine.
Speaker 1:The 31st of December I'm sitting there, I'm doing my vision board a week or two before. I'm already thinking about the things I want to work on self-development, career development, um, podcast development and all the businesses that I've I'm kind of working on or have already, and how am I trying to develop that? I'm thinking about my motherhood and what. What are my personal targets in terms of motherhood? I'm also thinking about, you know, professional development, um, and you know what I'm also thinking about. You know professional development and you know what I'm grateful for the universe for and what I'm seeking in the universe and in myself as a person that's continuing to evolve, as a wife, a mother, a career woman. So these are the things that I kind of prep myself for before I do my vision board. And then also health, like where is my health? Where do I want it to be? What are my aspirations? My BMI will tell you I'm overweight. I will tell you that I'm happier when I'm slimmer. So these are the things that I do to prep for the new year.
Speaker 1:I don't have new year's resolutions because they're bullshit. After quarter one, if I come to you and say what's your new year's resolution? You will even tell me that Christmas has passed. Yeah, you will start telling me about Christmas. What's the Earth's resolution got to do with fucking Christmas? But the point is here is, as human beings, we find excuses. We are always in a state of rebranding when it comes to the 1st of December. It's bullshit. You're better off having a vision board and, you know, working towards kind of goals that you hope to put things in place to achieve. Now, you may not achieve all those goals, but you can put certain things in place that you can work towards achieving. That will have you then or put you or prepare you for the overall goal, and I go into detail about that in a previous podcast episode that I will link into the show notes about vision boards.
Speaker 1:I don't believe in vision board parties because I think vision boards are private. I don't think they should be done in a party form. I think this is yet another distraction. Instead of focus, a vision board is about fucking focus. I should put that on a t-shirt. A vision board is about fucking focus because it is and it's personal. And I don, I don't, I don't like all of this vision board parties.
Speaker 1:I think it's an excuse to drink and talk shit. Really, we talk, we say we talk about talk. I say I can't even talk. We talk about moving in silence. Why have a fucking vision board party? What the fuck is that about? What is it about our community that constantly looking for distractions? If you want to be the best version of yourself, learn to sit with yourself. Stop being afraid of silence Fucking mad. Anyway, talking about that, people always say don't look for a new job in December. I'm telling you I've started roles in November, before October. November. Those are the best times to start roles, because then you have Christmas and you have some time out to really think oh, is this role for me Need a bit of a breather? I think it's great. Have some time out to really think oh, is this role for me need a bit of a breather? I think it's great.
Speaker 1:Typically in the new year they do say it's more difficult to get a job because people have eaten away at their budget, so they're waiting for the new budget to come out in April for most organizations in the UK. Um, and also, like a lot of people, like they come back in dribs and drabs in the new year, they're looking at how you know they have, uh, delivered against budget. They're not really looking to hire. I personally agree with it to an extent, but I don't think that should put you off applying for roles. I just think you just know that you'll get a slower response. You may have to negotiate a lot harder for the salary you want, especially if you're applying for a job between January and March. Um, you usually have, like towards middle March, recruitment freezes like unannounced unannounced is that the word, but you know it's not publicized, but there is like a little freeze in it really. Um, and some organizations like to hire when they've got a new budget. You know, and I just think, in terms of like negotiation leverage, I definitely think the closer you get to April, the harder it is to negotiate. So it's probably not the greatest time to enter the contract negotiations, um, and when I say contract, I mean employment contract negotiations for salary and having those conversations, because the purse strings are tight basically.
Speaker 1:But in saying that, I do hold organisations responsible for the rise in fake job listings and note that I say the word fake and not scam, because it's not a scam. I feel like some people use words for certain things and the definition is not the fucking same. So when we talk about fake job listings, what I'm actually talking about is ghost jobs. They don't always exist. So an employer will put a role, advertise a role, or use an agency to put a role on that they have no intention of filling. So you're probably thinking, well, why the fuck are they doing it then? Well, first of all, it's not a scam. It's a real company and there may be, it may be a future role that they anticipate they are going to need, because, remember, when we talk about budgets and stuff, they're planning, and part of that planning, and that financial planning is headcount as well. So, whilst the job may not be or the role may not be available at that time, they anticipate that it may be available. Yeah, so what they then do is put a ghost job, a fake job listing, out, and it just remains open, with no end date and there is no intention to fill.
Speaker 1:And whilst you may not know the intention, when you see it, I will also give you tips to spot a fake job, and personally, for me, fake jobs are all year round, but they hit an all time high in the new year. I definitely say that Definitely, definitely, definitely. And I could spot a fake job. I can't lie, I've applied for a fake job knowing it was a fake job, just to see what would happen. Because me, I'm always doing market research for the podcast. That's number one. Number two I like to frustrate them because they think I don't know it's fake so they treat you like a stupid. We're not going to have any of that. And thirdly, I think it's important that we inform ourselves about what happens in the job market.
Speaker 1:It's not just about, like, if a job is available and all of that. You need to be able to spot when you're wasting your fucking time because, listen, applying for a job is a task. Listen, there are some jobs that give me fucking a date, telling me autofill and do this. I, I, I will listen. If your job application is hard, I probably won't apply for it because it's who the fuck has that time. Or then they'll ask you to go. Is it work day, work day? And then you have to hope that you have previous applications for other random roles saved so you don't have to fill stuff in. Then they make you fill all this stuff. That is long. It's like an application form. Remember when they used to have like paper application forms. I know some local authorities still have that, which is mad because ai we'll get into ai a bit later, but yeah, it's long.
Speaker 1:Anyway, fake job listings, ghost jobs so effectively, when I was doing my research about these fake job listings, it's about four hires per 10 postings. So they hire four people so effectively. What they're saying is six out of 10 jobs are probably fake. Yeah, now, what it does is it does question the hiring intentions of these companies. But some of these companies, they just want to keep their options open and they want to keep their options open to talent that are not always available or readily available when companies are ready to hire. So what they want to do is attract applications from great candidates, but obviously knowing that they're not going to be able to fulfill that role by hiring or going through an interview process to hire. Now, some organizations will still go through the interview process. By the way, yes, I've been in that situation before, but we'll get into that a bit later.
Speaker 1:Now, part of kind of having these ghost jobs also enhances the public image and brand of a company because the perception is oh my God, this is a buoyant company, they're looking to hire, there are roles available, they're doing really well and, as a candidate, you want to be part of that progress. You want to be part of that doing really well and bearing in mind some companies also use kind of these fake job listings, these ghost listings, as data research. So part of that data is maybe they want to research salaries and that's they use these ghost listings to benchmark salaries. That's mad to me because I think there's other ways that you could do that without having to put a ghost job go through an interview process, because remember companies also investing time and go through an interview process, because remember companies also investing time and money into an interview process which at the end you know you're not going to fill immediately. It's a bit mad to me and it shows me that some organizations have a lot of time on their hands, or at least HR does Because what tends to happen is it will go through the HR process but you'll never meet the hiring manager. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Um.
Speaker 1:There was also research done by CNBC about um, these ghost jobs and and they did speak to job boards and LinkedIn was one of them. Um, cv library was one of them and I know they. They got a statement from like the likes of LinkedIn and effectively it said you know, at the end of the day, you know we can monitor organizations and we, you know, put some boundaries to monitor job listings, but the responsibility for whether a company hires or not sits with a company, which is fair enough. But I think what is important is to go a step further in spotting some of the signs of a potential ghost job, a potential fake job listing. So one of the signs is to look at how long a job has been listed for.
Speaker 1:If a job has been listed for like six months, babes, this is potentially a train with no stop. This is a long haul flight, honey, emphasis on the long haul If there is no closing date. That is very suspicious. Now some organisations will caveat that by saying that they will stop looking when they find the right candidate. That's fucking shit. That's bullshit, because what could happen is then you could get an offer and then you don't get. Like you could get a verbal offer but you don't get it in writing. And they interview someone and think, oh, I like that person, and then they say to you actually, we've changed our minds. So for me, I need a closing date. I'm not a hanger on, so we're not going to do that.
Speaker 1:Um, if the job title is vague, so for example, admin superstar, yeah. Or professional excellence, that's some bullshit. Somebody had that in their job title somewhere. I worked professional excellence director and I was like, wow, the bar is low to be a director, because who's who's quantifying professional excellence, or is it that director bullshit if a role so spotting a sign. Still on the topic of spotting the sign of a fake job listing or a ghost job listing, if, for example, there are 10 000 applications and then you're going to be 10 000 and one, huh my dear. This one is called wasting sign ways because you've got to think of it practically. Who in hr, as lazy as some hr professionals, are gonna go through 10 000 applications?
Speaker 1:who who hr. You're mustn't mad anyway with the insurgence of ai, maybe, but for me I don't want to be 1001, that's bullshit, and also the barrier to entry will be a lot higher, um, because you've got001 applications. So these are some of the ways in which you can spot the signs, and a lot of organisations are outsourcing HR. However, I will say this when they are outsourcing, if they're unable to answer questions which should be readily available to answer by HR, I get suspicious. So, for example, tell me about the hiring manager and what they're looking for. If an outsourced HR company cannot answer me that, that's probably a fake job. There is a professional services company that outsource their HR and they do fake job listings. I know this because I've applied directly to two. This professional services company that I applied for were looking for somebody who basically was me. Okay on paper. I applied for this role and I had an interview with HR and HR were asking me all these questions. He was like oh my God, you literally match the job description. I said I know that's why I applied. They were like yep, I definitely think you need to be taken further to the next stage. Pinch of salt, by the way, because, remember, I tell you you have a job, keep interviewing, keep abreast of what's happening in the commercial space, understand how you are into interviewing, adjusting your interview style and skill through interviewing right? So I was just doing that. So some people could say actually, toya, was you also fake applying? Actually, I can do that and I'm fake applying in response to a fake listing. Thank you about that, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1:Anyway, so I apply for the role and so we go through this first stage and then I get an email randomly 24 hours later that says oh, you know, we submitted your profile to the hiring manager. They said you're not suitable for the role. So I then wrote back and said can I have some structured feedback? What is it about my application that's unsuitable for the role? They said oh, because I don't have enough commercial experience. I said what do you mean? I've got 10 years commercial experience. What are we talking about here? Public, privates, charity sector, third sector, international, what we talking about here? Because I've got all of that. So tell me specifically. He come back and says oh, the hiring managers on holiday, so when they're getting back, I was on his motherfucking ass to the point where they said unfortunately, they've pulled the role. I said, well, now we're getting to the truth, aren't we? But that process went on for two weeks. Is what I'm trying to say?
Speaker 1:Um, I I normal circumstances, I probably would never work for that professional company professional services company anyway but the fact is now these fake jobs they, they are. It's. They're not like some of them are not using agencies. It's in-house, outsourcing HR. They're already paying for the service to outsource and they're using these outsourced companies to have these fake jobs and remember, through the interview process as well. They're asking me salary expectations, all of this. So it's a fact-finding exercise, a field exercise, um, but for me, I benefited because I wanted to work on my interview skills and things like that. But it would have just been interesting to go through that process with that professional services company because I want to know how they work and I want to be able to come on here and educate you and inform you about what's going on. So for me, I just I definitely think that fake jobs and ghost listings are on the rise. I've given you now ways in which to spot those job listings and I think it's a non-exhaustive list anyway, but for the purposes of where we are right now in terms of where the job market is, the fact that it's an employer's market. I think it's definitely really important that we're aware that ghost jobs do exist.
Speaker 1:I just want to close this week's episode by talking about the differences, or say, talk about the differences, but, you know, giving you an example of the difference between living and existing, because they're not synonymous and they're not the same. They're two really different things. To live is to seek challenges in life. To live is to constantly be in a space of development. To live is to have purpose or to pursue a purpose and to pursue what the ultimate goal is as part of whatever your purpose is. I don't necessarily think living is pursuing happiness, because I think to live is to find things that make you happy, and I believe that happiness is a continuous state of mind, a continuous state of being.
Speaker 1:Existing is allowing life to happen to you. Existing is not feeling empowered enough or deserving enough to have the fulfillment of living in life. Existing is the lack of fulfillment. Existing is the inability to be able to experience more than what you are able to process as part of whatever existed is. Existing is dangerous, because I think that existing can be synonymous to a depression, and as somebody who has fought depression and continuously fights depression, because I believe depression is a disease and, whilst you may be able to manage it, I don't think it completely disappears. But I think, in existing, we have to consider depression as adjacent to that. I think sometimes you can go between living and existing, but you should be in a more continuous state of living and I think where living and existing collides is often where you may live as part of your career but exist as part of your private life.
Speaker 1:So, as part of being a Libran as I am and I'm very spiritual and I've spoken about that in previous episodes I definitely think that I'm always kind of looking for the balance in myself and I believe that I'm living. And I think that for much of my 20s, especially when my father died, I was existing because I was just getting through the day and I was just trying to find purpose. And I think it's important to talk about living and existing, especially because I think in you know, on this podcast, whilst we create a safe space to have conversation, I think we have to also that conversation needs to be inclusive of vulnerability. And I'm going to ask you are you living or are you existing? And there's no right or wrong answer and there should be no negative view about where you fall. But what I am going to say is the aim should be to live, and the aim should be to live because you open yourself to a realm of possibilities as part of what living is. And I think, if you do feel like you're existing, there is a lot of work to do and whilst both situations require work, it's about degree.
Speaker 1:Just before Christmas, I went into John Lewis. Now the rise of phone snatching and pickpocketing in London gives me nothing more than anxiety. But I love my designer bags. I think anyone that knows me knows I'm a designer babe. I'm a 90s inspired babe. I love the 90s era and I really feel like I embody it, because my childhood was in the 90s, I was born in the 80s, but I say all of this to say I love fashion.
Speaker 1:But I decided just before Christmas I needed a new crossover bag. Being a mum, um, crossover bags, oh, my go-to, I have to say. Unless I'm in London or going into London for work or whatever, I can wear whatever bag I want. But even that, I just need to be a bit careful, um, because of what's happening in London. All of us need to be careful, um God's hand across our whole life and may the ancestors continue to protect us.
Speaker 1:But I went in there and I said, right, I want a little small cross body for like errands um, and if I have to go into London with my daughter, I want to be able to have like a secure cross body. Um, the one I had from coach was way too small. I'd gotten that a few years ago when I was in the states and I just wanted something that can fit my phone, my keys um, my medication, my, my EpiPen, a charger, maybe, you know, just like basic stuff, but not too big. So I went into Longchamp and I saw this crossbody bag. It's a small little crossbody. It's nice, but it fits everything in very compact, zipped and buttoned.
Speaker 1:And there was a young lady that was serving me there and she was really sweet, she really took her time button. And there was a young lady that was serving me there and she was really sweet, she really took her time. I tried on different bags, different styles of bags, and landed on a particular Longchamp bag and she couldn't actually process payment at the tills in Longchamp because there were no tills. What I thought was a till isn't for them to process transactions, it's more like to order stuff or whatever. So she took me over to a till and she processed my payment. As she processed my payment, I looked at her and I said you're beautiful, and I don't mean just visually. You're like you're absolutely stunning woman, but your energy is really really beautiful, it's really really nice and it's very warm. And she was like wow, she's like thank you so much.
Speaker 1:I needed to hear, to hear that. And she said to me I'm going through a lot right now. I'm breaking up with my boyfriend today and honestly, I just feel really, really heavy and I feel like crap and there's a lot of things happening in my life. I'm living at home, I'm 36 years old and, like the cultural issues at home, she goes you know I'm Indian, I know like you maybe can relate to what I'm saying in, but you know I'm living at home, my mum doesn't respect me and you know I'm breaking off this relationship and I feel like I'm back to square one and I just don't feel like I'm in control of my life. And as she's saying this, I was like like you can talk to me talk to Auntie Toya. What else is really bothering you? She was like it's the lack of control in my life.
Speaker 1:So I said firstly, I need to tell you that you are amazing because you're able to articulate exactly how you feel and you're able to process in conversation what it is you're feeling. Process in conversation what it is you're feeling, and that is always the first step in identifying where maybe some of the issues lie that need to be resolved. I then said to her listen, there's a difference between living and existing and, based on what you've told me, I think you've been existing and in breaking up with your boyfriend, you're choosing to live because you know that existing doesn't work for you. And whilst it's difficult and it's hard because for you you're probably boyfriend, you're choosing to live because you know that existing doesn't work for you. And whilst it's difficult and it's hard because for you you're probably thinking you're 36, you know your peers are maybe married and all with children and and now you're feeling like you're starting again, but you're choosing yourself because your current situation's not working for you. I said why are you breaking up with your boyfriend and she's like it's just not working. I just don't feel connected to him and I don't think we have like the shared focus about where we want our lives to be and he was very accepting to break up. It's just a matter of being face to face and, you know, to getting back our stuff. And that is really hard because I feel like I've just like failed something and I said failure is staying in a situation that doesn't serve you in the hope that it will, when you know it really won't.
Speaker 1:And I said to her existing in a space where you don't feel seen is really lonely and I want you to know that in me, kind of seeing you before you've even spoken to me I complimented you is because your energy speaks for itself. Your energy introduced yourself to me before we actually was able to talk. Because I was able to compliment, I could identify that. I said there's a strength in that and you have to believe in yourself that you're making decisions that are gonna allow you to live the life you want to live. I then said to her I said I know the tears are pain, disappointment, heartache, not heartbreak, heartache. I said I know it's difficult, especially when you know that a relationship is not good for you and you have to walk away and it feels like you have to start again.
Speaker 1:I said being 36 is not synonymous with where you're, where you think you're supposed to be in your life. And then I use myself as an example to tell her you know, I didn't get um like married. I had my um legal marriage at 36. I want to say um, is it 36, 35, 36, I can't remember now, I think it's 36. And then I said to her I didn't have my child wedding until I was like 37. I says I conceived at 38. I had my daughter at 39.
Speaker 1:She just looked at me. I says we're living in a society where women are getting to the bag. Women are getting to their careers, which means they start family life, if that's what they so choose, a little bit later. And your job is to prepare yourself if that's what you want for that life, and that preparation is also knowing what doesn't serve you.
Speaker 1:And then she obviously says about living at home and her mum kind of not respecting her. And I said I'm going to be really honest. The type of respect that you want from your mum, you won't necessarily get in her house. However, you can put boundaries in place so that she understands or she begins to learn that you're an adult. And I say it's really difficult now because getting onto the housing ladder is just like the tallest mountain it's not impossible, but it's tall even taller when you're having to do it on your own Two. You love your mum a lot, but you're resenting the situation that you're in and then you're further resenting how culture is forcing you to be a child again when you're an adult. That is not respected.
Speaker 1:So you know, you know she shared something with me and I said listen, you should be messaging your mum to let her know you've gotten to work. You don't need to have a full blown conversation and you need to kind of take back the respect you want by still being respectful because you're in her house, but also maybe share your plans with her to move out, so she understands that this is temporary for you and actually, if you want to claim your respect back, part of that is also letting them know that as a, as a grown woman, as an adult that you are, that you have plans that sit outside of her. And, as I said this, I just saw her face light up and she's like I never really looked at it like that and I said I would just want you to know that I hear you and I understand that I'm quite spiritual, and I said to her my, I understand that the ancestors brought me here today to have this conversation with you, and I've also learned something about myself. You've caused me to visit, or revisit. You know, I left home at 21. That's not an age that I would ever allow my child to leave and I say allow my child because I want my child to feel comfortable enough to know that they've got home forever. Um, but I didn't necessarily have that, and what you've caused me to do is really question, um, a lot of choices that I had to make, but also give gratitude to the ancestors for the choices I then had to make to live and for my life. And, whilst things are not perfect, I'm grateful and I hope that you can find gratitude in this conversation and and comfort in this conversation and also have at the back of your mind the difference between living and existing and, whilst it may not be going the way you want it to, you're choosing to live rather than exist, and that has to count for something. We ended up giving each other a massive hug. It was a big hug and I just felt so proud of her and I just felt the weight lifted off her by having that conversation.
Speaker 1:And I also want to say that, as women, it doesn't take anything away from ourselves to compliment other women you don't know what other people are going through and I think that as women, we need to spend time being comfortable within ourselves, because I feel like when you're comfortable within yourself, you're able to have conversations or you're able to compliment complete strangers. I go out of my way if I see a woman that looks nice, beautiful, I got my way of telling her, especially when I'm prompted, spiritually prompted, I do that this woman was an Indian woman and I know the dynamics of um, the Indian culture, especially with girls, first born girls as she. She shared to me that she was and I'm a first born girl in my family, um, but being being able for us to to kind of meet on that mutual understanding, I think was really important and I'm just so happy that I was, you know, able to have that conversation with her. I learned a lot from that conversation and I learned a lot about holding myself accountable to live rather than to exist, and identify when I'm living rather than existing, or existing rather than living, and I thought it'd just be important for me to just bring it here to the podcast and share that almost like a testimony to you all, and I really hope she's doing well, and I do keep her in my thoughts and in my prayers because I know how heavy she felt in that conversation and I hope she feels lighter now.
Speaker 1:I'm going to draw this episode to an end and there's still a couple of things I want to talk about, but we can wait for another episode to have that conversation. But what I will say is in a future episode we will be talking about a Harvard study that was done between 2014 and 2020 and it was a study on the intersectional peer effects at work and the effect of white co-workers on black women's careers, and I cannot wait to have that conversation with you all here on the podcast because it was an important research that was done. The outcomes are so important, especially for us as black women navigating the world of work, and whilst that study was done in the US, we have to take the learnings here in the UK. Don't allow distance or country-led studies to take away from where we can learn. You can learn from anything and you should learn from everything. But I definitely think that in the UK they talk about the pay disparity between men and women but they don't look at the intersectionality between black women and or white men, white women, asian women, black men, asian men. They don't talk about that, they just classify BAME and they put us in that melting pot, and that's not a melting pot we belong to. But if they were really to do a deep dive into the pay disparity between black women and white women, oh my God, the shock in the results and conversation. But since we don't have that, let's go across the pond to look at that Harvard study and have that conversation about how is it that white co-workers affect the career trajectories of black women. Let's have that conversation. I'll be bringing that to the podcast, um, hopefully in the next episode, but I want to thank you all for joining me. Thank you for supporting the podcast, thank you for supporting the episode.
Speaker 1:If you um have a work-related dilemma or if it's a life dilemma, put it in the subject box of your email, write dilemma, so we know that it's a dilemma, and email hello at toytalkscom and cc Toya Washington, t-o-y-a Washington 10. So Toya Washington 10 at gmailcom. Make sure you c CC that, because I have noticed that some emails are not hitting the email box. So, if you CC Toya Washington one zero at gmailcom I, it will definitely land and I'll be able to address it in the next episode. And just be clear about what your, what your target state is and hopefully I'll be able to advise you. Uh, based on you know, the result that you're looking to to achieve from, from the outcome of your dilemma.
Speaker 1:If you want to follow me on social media, my handles are toyah, underscore washington. Um, and yeah, I'm, I'm excited about 2025 and what we're able to do here. On the toy talks podcast um, if you are interested in collaborating, yes, I am considering collaborations Email hello at toytalkscom. Cctoyawashington10 at gmailcom. I'm also on TikTok Toya Washington, all one word. My name is Toya Washington and you have been listening to the Toya Talks podcast the toy talks podcast.
Speaker 2:Let me show you how to navigate and elevate. That's what we do. Black queen energy grown. No fantasy, just real talk. From classroom dreams to boardroom walk. Black woman power watch it shine. Breaking barriers, redesigning time from Tottenham roads to CEO, every step, teaching what we know, not just surviving but thriving more. Opening every closed door. Toya talks, toya talks, toya talks. Black queens to the top and we're still going.