Coded Language

Ever notice how Black women are expected to win quietly? In this powerful return episode, I dive into the recent tennis court confrontation between Taylor Townsend and Jelena Ostapenko that perfectly captures what many of us experience daily – being told we're "low class" or "uneducated" when we succeed, then being praised for our composure when we don't react to blatant disrespect.

The tennis incident serves as a mirror to workplace dynamics where Black women face impossible standards. We're expected to take on additional responsibilities without complaint or compensation, to dim our light when it shines too brightly, and to apologise for achievements that would be celebrated in others. I share personal experiences of being shamed for displaying success or enjoying luxury items – what I now recognise as the systematic policing of Black joy, a pattern so pervasive it deserves to be studied as a psychological phenomenon.

I'm thrilled to announce my new venture, Sister Scribble – a stationery brand celebrating Black creativity through vibrant, 90s hip-hop inspired designs. After finding conventional stationery boring and disconnected from my experience, I've created a line that honors our voices and cultural heritage while providing tools for creative expression. The Origin Edit launches in October 2025, coinciding with UK Black History Month.

The episode also tackles current events including immigration policies, the weaponisation of national symbols, and how Christianity is sometimes used to create hierarchies among women based on marital status. I close with strategic advice for a listener facing the all-too-common dilemma of being asked to take on senior responsibilities without appropriate recognition or compensation.

Ready to stop apologising for your success? Listen now, and remember: you are not here to be manageable. Your wins are only threatening to fragile egos – to the rest of us, they're testimony.

Referenced in podcast:

On Becoming by Toke Makinwa

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Becoming-Toke-Makinwa-ebook/dp/B01NAAEILQ/ref=sr_1_1?crid=22QOYVTIK8XAJ&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.I2kHpBBav2v9SW3ObtJCNw.dR98_87UWyYR5SicIjHVRdapL-tOgl9Zf3WzsDxrtzY&dib_tag=se&keywords=toke+makinwa&qid=1756854169&sprefix=toke+makinwa%2Caps%2C111&sr=8-1

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Music (Intro and Outro) Written and created by Nomadic Star

• Stationary Company - Sistah Scribble
• Instagram @sistahscribble
• Website: www.sistahscribble.com

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome Back & Current Events
• 3:30 Taylor Townsend vs Jelena Ostapenko
• 17:45 Black Women's Power and Confidence
• 35:28 Introducing Sister Scribble Stationery
• 45:34 Christianity, Identity and Marriage
• 1:07:24 Immigration, Flags and Racism
• 1:15:15 Career Dilemma: Additional Responsibilities

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Hi, well, hello and welcome back from the summer holidays. I went absolutely nowhere. I had a little staycation. No, honey, it was just business as usual. I needed a break. I had to take a little hiatus. However, I don't know what's happening in the UK and abroad, honey, but everywhere is running amok. King Charles, get your kingdom in order, because I don't know what this is. What is going? What in the Kemi? Bedinok is going on, from her hygiene being called into question in the corners of her lips, from Nistie T and Waterloo Station. Many people in the UK demanding a snap general election, and Sainsbury's introducing facial recognition technology to be used across all their UK stores, and Taylor Townsend and Jelena Ostapenko. Everywhere is loco. Let's try and restore some law and order here. Um bye.

Speaker 2: 1:18

Toya talks, council estates, a corporate space, first gen Nigerian setting the pace from Goldman? I don't even know. Navigate and elevate, that's what we do.

Speaker 1: 1:28

Black queen energy growing I don't even know where to start, honey. That was just what I could fit in the intro. How are you all doing? Listen, you know, like how people say oh, my podcast listeners and I do say that, but I'm gonna call you guys winners. I'm calling you guys my winners because I feel like if you're committed to learning change, educating yourself and just to also have a laugh as you listen to this podcast, I'm going to call you my winners. Who remembers? You know my little song? Winner, winner, winner, winner. We black women are winners. Come again now. Winner, winner, winner, winner. We black women are winners. I'm a winner. I can never be a loser. What, and that's not to say anyone else is a loser, honey.

Speaker 1: 2:38

However, jelena ostapenko lost her match and and and I need to get into all of that because I can't there's so much to talk about, but that is at the forefront of my mind, especially because of how it's been reported and, to be fair, to be fair, the media has gave Ostapenko good lashing. Let's get into that for those of you who are unaware. So both Taylor and Jelena were uh, they were playing tennis. Um, it was a pretty big match and Jelena lost the match and, um, taylor had approached her. You know, at the end of of a match it's good sportsmanship to, whether you win or lose, just to shake the hands of your opponent and possibly even take pictures, what, whatever it is, but just to shake hands and say good match or whatever, whatever it is pleasantries, it's nice niceties.

Speaker 1: 3:37

And Jelena's response to Taylor. Now, to be clear, jelena Ostapenko is a Latvian tennis player and Taylor Townsend is a black woman from Georgia, america. And in response, Jelena said to Taylor you have no class, you have no education. Wait to see what happens when you get outside of the US. Now, as she's saying all of this to Taylor, she has her hands, like, kind of near her face, but she's very expressive, very aggressive. It's the finger pointing the anger. You could see the vitriol seeping in her eyes and, to be fair, I liken it to having a massive temper tantrum. But we need to concentrate on what she said you are low class, you have no education. These are not words that are just said out of anger. They are prejudice, stereotypical, racial biases that are levied against black women generally. It's the untruth, it is the dishonesty, but it is the racist vitriol that is pushed on black women.

Speaker 1: 4:55

Now, had Taylor reacted in the exact same way as Jelena. She would probably be banned from the sport for at least six months. She'll be fined an astronomical amount of money. She would face public disgrace and humiliation as she's dragged through every media outlet possible. Jelena, on the other hand, is a Latvian woman, a white woman, and the response immediately was not of condemnation, it was not of how dare you. It was almost to excuse the behaviour by saying it's a tantrum or it's childlike. You see, this is what happens when we talk about racism and we talk about macroaggression and we talk about white women's tears. It's not just the physical tears, it is the breakdown in the moment of a situation that could have been used as it could have been, um maturely dealt with. I would have rather jelena said nothing and stormed off, but what you're seeing is the racism that she holds towards black women.

Speaker 1: 6:07

What does losing a tennis match have to do with being low class? What does losing a tennis match have to do with a lack of education? You see, she then went on to try to justify what she said by saying that Taylor had no respect for the sport. There were certain things that she didn't adhere to or didn't do or didn't do very well or whatever she said, but there was no apology. Now, when she was dragged and I mean dragged from her head through the media, then we get a justification covered with a bullshit apology. But actually, and I genuinely believe this, if you are going to disrespect me in public and you are going to be loud, you're going to give me a loud apology. You're going to give me a public apology, and I think that she needs she needed to have a face-to-face conversation and apologize and accept responsibility for what she said, as opposed to just when you justify or you use the word, but you basically reclaim the apology.

Speaker 1: 7:15

We need an unfettered, unaltered apology, but we're never going to get it, and I don't think Taylor cares. She handled the whole situation with grace, with poise, with elegance, but I find that even problematic. What I find problematic is black women being measured to a higher standard when it comes to situations of distress and high emotion. If a black woman so much as reacts, she's aggressive, but as black women, we could never be victims. We have to always be the perpetrator. We are the big bad black women, and I feel as though, whilst people commend how Taylor dealt with it, I don't think she had any alternative, because it's almost like take the abuse and we won't call you aggressive, react and show any emotion and we'll forget what was done to you and we'll focus on your reaction.

Speaker 1: 8:17

Um, there is a post I want to read um on instagram by um brianna la, and I'll read it To the black women who refuse to play small. Dedicated to Taylor Townsend. You'll meet people who believe your power is arrogance, who twist your confidence into disrespect and want you to believe that winning makes you unworthy unless you win quietly. So as I go through this, I am going to give my comments, because I didn't want, I didn't need to reinvent the wheel. This post was up and I was like this is exactly what I agree and believe in. So obviously I give credit. This whole thing about winning quietly is the oppression of black women, and I'm gonna go a step further and say winning quietly is is generally irrespective of race. I definitely think it's something that affects all women, but the intersectionality between race and gender means that black women are more disproportionately disadvantaged in the world of work because honey tennis was where they were working, and in society in general.

Speaker 1: 9:35

We're quick to be perceived as arrogant. Any form of power, no matter how small, is deemed as arrogant. Power, no matter how small is deemed as arrogant. So what they do is they twist it to demoralise you and reduce your confidence to nothing, to make you more palatable. Because how dare you be a confident black woman? How disrespectful. For centuries, black women have been told to dim the light in their eyes. Black women have been told to dim the light in their eyes, soften our voices and fold ourselves at the edges. I think that the most troubling thing here is, in order for us to be perceived as, in order for us to be accepted, a light must be dimmed, because how dare we shine bright? Oh my god, that brightness is so aggressive. We see it in the workplace.

Speaker 1: 10:33

I think I shared with you in the last episode how I had to put one of my colleagues in his place and when I really took a step back and really thought about, kind of you know, his comments towards me, his persistent ridicule of me, his need to make me the butt of his jokes where there was an audience, but if it's one on one, no, I don't. I don't get that same reaction and me having to put him in his place so that it sends a message to his colleagues who he will share his experience with me with. I'm not to be played with. Fuck around and find out, don't play with me, because I will address you in the same audience. You choose to disrespect me, and it's all too a familiar story as women, specifically black women, where, like we're not perceived to have any form of softness, so it's almost like dim us into silence. It's dangerous, it's aggressive, it is racist to treat us that way.

Speaker 1: 11:43

We have been told that to be acceptable, we must be docile, endless, humble and grateful, even when we have bled, trained, studied and fought twice as hard to earn what others were simply handed. I think it goes without saying that we see it in society now and you only have to take to TikTok to see this, where we are judged for any form of enjoyment. So, for example, black luxury. There is nothing I love more than to see black luxury, see black women living in the light of enjoyment. That's what black luxury means to me living in the light of your enjoyment, whether it is material things, whether it is intangible objects, whatever gives you joy, live it, breathe it, enjoy it and let us see it. Anytime I see black luxury, it is a reminder that we deserve, my sisters in Christ are enjoying and that luxury is accessible to us all.

Speaker 1: 12:58

Because classism, because of classism do I need to? What is understood need not be explained, but it's almost like to be acceptable. We need to be seen as docile, and whenever I think of the word docile, I think of animals. You want us to be the docile animal so that you feel less threatened by our achievements. That's crazy to me. It is actually mad to me that we are shamed into accepting that humility is what is accepted instead of being able to loudly enjoy the fruits of your labor. Or we are shamed into being quiet, being docile, because you should have this grateful attitude that by sharing, you're being ungrateful. It's a twisted and it's honestly like mental gymnastics at this point, and this is the reason why, if you follow me on social media and if you don't, you should Toya underscore Washington. Toya underscore talks, toya Washington, all one word. Just check me out on all the platforms. I myself, every minute of every day. Sometimes I like Van Cleef, sometimes I like Cartier, sometimes I like Gucci and other times I like H&M. Sometimes, just sometimes I like a little bit of Arquette and sometimes I like Fashion Nova balance.

Speaker 1: 14:48

But one thing I will be very clear about to everybody is I remember back in my Snapchat days when I used to be heavy on the Snapchat and I remember buying my first Louis Vuitton bag. I'd saved up for it. I really wanted this Never Falls bag. Like I really worked hard and I really enjoyed the moment and I remember sharing that and I was made to feel so small and ashamed. And what about the people that don't work? What about people who are struggling? How dare you? Why are you doing this loudly? Why are you showing everybody you're a show-off? You should be humble, and I was um. I was basically um pushed to no longer share any form of luxury. I would listen. Let me be honest with you. It it felt like social media bullying. I was bullied into silence because let's call it what it is, because that's what it was. I was in my 20. I was bullied into silence because let's call it what it is, cause that's what it was. I was in my twenties. I was like I was bullied into silence and then one day I was like hang on a minute, why, why is my joy being controlled in this way? This is fucking crazy.

Speaker 1: 15:57

I would go to New York if I, if I wanted to go, I'd go, cause I worked fucking hard. I was like, yep, I saved up. I go to New York and I would basically show everybody like my trip and where I'd recommend places, food, places and I love New York anyway, it's one of my favorite cities but I would there would be a retail outlet that I'd go to. Honestly, it's the best outlet in New York and I would show. Show that because that was and it was a yearly thing for me and most times when I was going to New York I was on on my own. There was like one or two times where I was with one of my friends, but more times than not I was by myself.

Speaker 1: 16:29

And it was around that period I bought the Louis Vuitton bag and I came on and I was like, yeah, guys, I've decided I'm no longer going to share this. I'm not trying to make other people uncomfortable. And literally within a month I had to check myself and I was like, no, when I was struggling to pay my bills, pay for sanitary towels, even pay the emergency on my electric key, no one said a word, no one tried to help me, no one, nothing. And if I had shared that, I'd be called poor. There's not one name. I wouldn't be called and I hustled and the ancestors were gracious when I was studying all hours of every day, balancing a full-time job and a narcissistic mother ain't no one tell me shit.

Speaker 1: 17:17

So now I'm seeing a bit of enjoyment, enjoyment, enjoyment. You want to shame me into silence to make you more comfortable with whatever is going on in your life, but you don't know what has gone on in my life for me to get to this point and what continues to happen in my life that I probably don't share. The policing of black joy needs to be studied. I think it's a mental illness at this point To focus on the joy of black women specifically and systematically try to humiliate, make us small, docile and remove any type of enjoyment from black women is a mental illness as far as I'm concerned. Irrespective of race, race anyone should be able to enjoy their life how they want to enjoy it, without you policing. How let people live their fucking lives?

Speaker 1: 18:17

If somebody has come on with a 50 000 pound ring from cartier, if you've got nothing nice to say, shut the fuck up why have you got to write on there? Oh, this is showing off. There's a cost of living crisis. There's been a cost of living crisis since I was born, honey. We the I, the economy of the economists we've been going through shit. Okay, I'm from the hood, honey. We have been in a cost of living crisis. From where back? Where? From there? So this one that you're doing now is madness. If you see someone with a new pair of trainers and they're really nice rather than tell them that, oh, I have that too, cause I have someone like that on social media, me too. Me too, I have that, me too. Oh, shut the fuck up, people don't care if you have it too. If you can't celebrate and clap for somebody else, if you haven't got anything positive to say, shut the fuck up. It's okay to use your inside voice and talk to God, it's okay.

Speaker 1: 19:21

But the policing of joy is problematic. But the policing of black joy is a mental illness. It is because, the result of which is to crush, demoralize and eradicate any form of joy or enjoyment in a world. That is just so difficult in the current socio-economic crisis. Somebody is smiling and you're asking them, you're telling them you're smiling too much. Please wear a frown upside down now and again. That's madness. Sorry if you're hearing a little noise, I've got the baby monitor on so I'm watching my daughter. Yeah, honey, we're doing a lot, so let me continue.

Speaker 1: 20:08

And when we win, when we walk into a space and shift the gravity, instead of celebration there is policing and pushback. What's your sister been saying? God forbid, god forbid that somebody can just find enjoyment and be winning. A small win for this person may be a massive win for this person. You don't know the value of the shadow, fearing no evil. That people have walked, the path people have walked, you don't know. But instead of you to either celebrate them or keep silent, you're just using your sausage fingers to write mad shit. Keyboard bandits banditing. You're using your dirty halitosis mouth to talk shit.

Speaker 1: 21:04

It's okay to allow people to live their lives, but the systematic oppression of black women in relation to black joy is a mental illness. I'll keep repeating it because it's not normal. They will dress control in the language of sportsmanship, professionalism or respect and search your face for an apology you do not owe. I believe in sportsmanship, I do. I don't believe in the weaponising of sportsmanship as a form of control, because that exchange between Taylor and Jelena was it started off as sportsmanship, but then it came. Then it ended up as a form of control, and the control is Taylor, knowing that she cannot react to defend herself or say anything to her defense, because people would capitalize on her lack of sportsmanship response. Do you know how sick that is? You discredit me, you try to humiliate, you disrespect me, you throw macroaggressions, jelena, low class, lack of education. You say all of that to Taylor and she has to sit in it and she has to hold it.

Speaker 1: 22:27

How many of us are on the end of such abuse and we feel obligated to hold it, especially the workplaces? I don't hold that shit. I don't hold it and I'll tell you why I don't hold it Because I have a lot to hold. I have a lot to do. I'm a busy person and my mental health means more to me than holding the bullshit of a system that is dressed in control and use the language of professionalism and respect. You see, if you want professionalism from me, you're going to have to give it. You can't expect it from me when you're abusing me, when you're abusing your power to oppress me, and then tell me about respect. Because if we're going to talk about the genesis of respect when you disrespect me or weaponize your seniority against me, when you attempt to humiliate me, discredit me, use me as a butt of a joke, when you decide that it's time to demean me, you can't then get a response from me, however inflated or whatever the response, and then talk about professionalism and respect.

Speaker 1: 23:43

Because what happens happens is especially in the world of work and just life in general is when someone says professionalism, it kind of stops you in your tracks. It's almost like, oh, professionalism, it's like a buzzword. And we've been trained to be pavlo's dog. And those of you who don't know about the study on pavlo's dog do your googles, do your readings, do your studying your readings? Do your studying, do your education, do your educated? We are not just going to snap because you tell us to. And I think what really makes me sad is you know, this podcast has been going on for a while now Five years is a long time in this game darling and there's a lot of people that listen to the podcast.

Speaker 1: 24:27

To listen but not to learn, because you're going to find yourselves in certain situations that I have no doubt covered in the podcast somewhere somehow, and you're going to have a call to action in situations and you're going to have to handle it. Not handle it how Toya would handle it the way I have advised, by giving you examples, by educating and teaching you through the podcast. It's important. Advocating for yourself has to be part of your toolkit for navigating the world of work. Whoever you are, demanding respect, ensuring you receive the professionalism you put out there. Advocating for yourself needs to be part of that toolkit and if it's not, you're not going to.

Speaker 1: 25:21

Really, your mental health won't survive the world of work and society in general, because, you see, if people demand from you what they don't give, there becomes an imbalance. When there's an imbalance, there becomes oppression. When there is oppression, that becomes a weaponized tool to destroy. We are expected to apologize for our joy and perform humility in ways no one else is asked to Smile. I done talk about that on a podcast. What the fuck is wrong with you? And then, when I smile or I'm happy why are you so happy? Then you can't win for fucking losing, and that's why I do not play that game.

Speaker 1: 26:19

I sit in whatever I'm feeling and if my resting face is a problem for you, take it up with HR, because if you take it up with me, you're not being very professional. First of all, reverse. But secondly of all, where's the respect when you deem it as a black woman's profession to perform for you, or you deem a woman's role is to perform for you? It's giving the sexism, it's giving racism, it's giving toxicity if you feel, you know, like that whole required to perform. It's just. It gives me slave trade vibes. It does. It gives me circus vibes, the um, sexualization of, of and fetishization of black women. That's what it gives me. If you really want to give you, if they really want to go there, I'll give you historical knowledge and examples and we could take it there. But you know the nerves can't handle it. Start shaking their bones, start quivering. But you see, if you want respect you're going to have to give it.

Speaker 1: 27:29

And acting as though you don't understand micro, macro aggressions is not going to cut it, not in a society where you can enter google or chat to ai. Don't be fucking crazy. They will try to make rules up as they go, rules that were never written until you stepped onto the court, the stage, the boardroom, the classroom, clack that what we saw happen between taylor townsend and Jelena Ostapenko. When I say happened, it happened to Taylor, by Jelena, by the way. But, to be clear, we saw a demonstration of what happens in the court. So, for the purpose of what happened in the tennis court, the stage, the boardroom, the classroom, in the tennis court, the stage, the boardroom, the classroom it was a lesson to all of us that, being humbly, sportsmanship, professionalism, comes at a price. When it's not reciprocated, okay, it comes at a price.

Speaker 1: 28:47

I know there's a lot of people that listen to the podcast, listen to me on social media and probably think toyah's neck stays, toyah's leg stays on their fucking necks. You're damn fucking right, it does, because if I give you license, you will take licenses. If I give you opportunity, you'll become an opportunist and I need you to carry the story of what Toya will not tolerate back to your cronies who share in your gender hatred and racial hatred for black women. That underlying tone of is racist and just because you haven't called me the N word doesn't mean you are not a racist. And we need to educate, because I'm really knowing and understanding, especially over the last few years. A lot of people get their education from the Daily Mail online. Yeah, a lot of people are getting their education from the Daily Mail online or Good Morning Britain. That's where a lot of people are getting their education. Because I can very much see that people do not read books and do not read often.

Speaker 1: 29:58

Because there is no way, no way at all, that we should be in workplaces and be crushed into submission of dociility if that's a fucking word. No, what we saw on that tennis court was an example to all of us about what we experience in the world of work. It is. It's a demonstration of a disrespectful situation that they drape in professionalism and sportsmanship to control our reactions, but, more importantly, that Taylor's inaction is being commended versus her backup. It's okay to address the situation and say no, we're not doing this today. And don't get me wrong, taylor, I think Taylor dealt with it really well.

Speaker 1: 30:53

It wouldn't have been how I would have dealt with it, because you know how I would have dealt with it. I would have been like girl, you lost, you are a loser. That's what I would have said to her. I wouldn't erase my. I would say you lost and you're a loser, and you're a loser not because you lost, but you're a loser because of how you're treating your loss. That's what makes you a loser. So if there is anyone low class or acting low class? Honey, I don't even recognize what class this is, because you win the girder. I'm going to collect my medal, my trophy, see you in wherever for a rematch, and I would have walked off because I just feel like I would have been slick with it.

Speaker 1: 31:30

I would have been slick with it Because if you're going to make yourself the center of stupidity, I will make you the laughingstock of stupidity. Simple, Simple, because I'm at that point where I realize some of them think that our silence makes us stupid Definitely. And whilst I know how to bide my time and I will allow you to think that this is all okay and you can just continue to disrespect me, I will have the last laugh Because I never start shit. I'm not that person. In the world of work and just in life in general, I start nothing. I start nothing. I am the most unproblematic friend you have ever met in your damn life, because I like a peaceful, quiet life, you see. So I'm not incentivized to start shit.

Speaker 1: 32:24

I suffer from migraines. I am one migraine away from a Nurofen tablet. So why the fuck would I be the problem? I'm not the problem, but if you step on my toes, I won't say ow, I'm not the problem. But if you step on my toes, I won't say ow. I'll take my shoe off, whack your toe, kick you in the ankles and then say ow, because we're not doing that today or ever.

Speaker 1: 32:46

I will strategically navigate that world of work, honey, but as I am navigating, understand you can't tap dance around my mental health. That's not gonna happen. No, no, no, no. Not in this economy, not in kia starmer's, england or any in any international country. Don't let that stop you. Your wins are only a threat to fragile egos, but to the rest of us they are a testimony. So let them testify. You are not here to be manageable. You do not owe anyone a smaller version of yourself just because your lack of mediocrity unsettles them. You are allowed to win loudly. You are allowed to win loudly. Breathe deeply, smile fully and walk away whole. Keep your head up and keep your joy intact. Don't dim your light. You are the reason the room is lit. Oof Brianna Lauren on Instagram.

Speaker 1: 34:00

I couldn't have said it better myself, honestly. I just remember watching Jelena's reaction and just thinking a black woman could never, could, never, no, could do that and not be fined and banned from the sport for a couple of years. Come on, stop all of that. It's still happening now. Systematic racial discrimination in sports. It still happens. It just may not happen on a macro level that people then now start to advocate for change as loudly. But it's there and um. The sooner we take the learnings out of what we see and are able to identify it in our everyday lives, the sooner that we can learn how to build the toolkit.

Speaker 1: 34:53

And when I talk about the toolkit, we're talk about the toolkit, we're talking about the burn folders, we're talking about understanding your policies, getting those policies honey. We're talking about, even if you cannot address it in the situation, knowing that you need to address it. Sometimes addressing situations is not just about addressing it because it needs to. It's about you. It's about knowing that when you close the door, that you're able to say you know what I advocated for myself today Advocating. It's not loud, like I don't ever believe that advocating for yourself needs to be loud, as in rah, rah, rah. It's loud in its approach, it's loud in its delivery. It's loud with your pen, it's loud with your keyboard and it's very loud with that burn folder. Yes, you heard me. No regrets, no regrets. Listen, talking about being loud with your pen.

Speaker 1: 35:54

I think this is a great time to let you guys know that I recently announced on my social media platform that I am launching a new business and I think I said that I was working on something before, but I want to briefly just talk about it before we move on to the next topic. So I have created and developed a stationery company called Sister Scribble. I'm so proud, honestly, because my love for stationery runs deep, ok, and I hope an example of that you would have seen was I did a collaboration a couple of years ago, a stationery collaboration with a station company called Dreams and Purpose, and we had notebooks, we had motivational cards, we had to-do lists. Honestly, it was such a unique line and I'm sitting here telling you that even I think we sold all our samples and what I have left is the notebook that I was working in. I don't have every piece of that collection. I don't know if Jasmine does. I need to ask her, but I don't think between the both of us, we have every piece of that, every product of the collection, because it was such in high demand, it and people just went crazy for it and it was just amazing. But off the back of that um, and also my, my, I've always loved stationery.

Speaker 1: 37:15

I was a person that after the summer holidays I would literally beg my my parents. I was like please, please, can we go to walworths and wh smith, I need to get stationary. I was obsessed with pencil cases and obviously now, knowing that I am neurodivergent, it makes sense my obsession over certain things. But stationary, that's a love affair, honey. So Sister Scribble empowers creativity by amplifying voices. It is an extension, to an extent, of the Toy Talks platform, but see Sister Scribble more as a sister company. Sister Scribble, it's about where ideas flow, dreams grow and every page tells your story.

Speaker 1: 37:58

Sister Scribble is dedicated to empowering Black women and our allies through creative expression. We offer a unique collection of stationery apparel accessories inspired by the bold energy of 90s hip hop and the rich heritage of Afrocentric culture. Our mission is to provide tools and resources that celebrate individuality, foster creativity and amplify the voices within our community. It provides a tangible creative outlet. We believe that writing, drawing and expressing oneself through art are powerful forms of communication and self-discovery. Sister Scribble extends the conversation beyond verbal exchange, offering a space of reflection, planning and a creative manifestation. The 90s hip-hop aesthetic resonates deeply with Sister Scribble's mission. This era was a celebration of Afrocentricity, self-expression and bold individuality. The vibrant colour, blocking, oversized silhouettes and striking patterns mirror our desire to empower creativity and celebrate cultural heritage. Just as 90s hip-hop turned everyday experiences into art, sister S scribble encourages users to transform their, their thoughts and dreams into tangible creations. Our mission is to empower black women and our allies to embrace their creativity, individuality and heritage through bold designs and meaningful full products as a vibrant expression.

Speaker 1: 39:38

For me, like Sister Scribble, is about owning your voice, understanding the power of your voice, and I hope that Sister Scribble provides you with the tools to do that. Typically, stationery is pretty boring. Like I did my market research, I went into the Selfridges, I went into John Lewis, I went into WH Smith and I was just really shocked at how boring stationery is, how drained, how dull. And for me, growing up, stationery was vibrant, but not aesthetically vibrant. It was more vibrant for me about the things I got, like the colored pens, the different bright colors of notebooks, but I never really connected with the stationery. I think what I connected to was the stationery, the physical stationery, but not connected on any level to any of the imagery or the construction of that stationery, and I always believe that sometimes the things you want is what you have to create yourself.

Speaker 1: 40:41

Okay, so when I did the collaboration with Dreams and Purpose, I feel like it kind of was knocking very loudly on the door of my creativity. So for over a year I've been working on this brand, partly because, you know, we're living in a country here in the UK that stifles creativity or any type of growth. It's and I've spoken about this before it's your growth is capped at 100k. How dare you have ambition, how dare you want more for yourself, how dare you aspire and have dreams? And that was a really massive block for me as part of the creative process. But I'm really grateful to my husband for encouraging me but, more importantly, reminding me that I am a creative and part of my mission is to give back, and I do it in all different types of ways through toy talks, for example, through the podcast, through the website, through, you know, just being able to communicate on social media. So for me to be able to kind of introduce this brand and deliver it means the world to me.

Speaker 1: 41:45

I'm all about quality. If you have ever received a product or and I say received, bought a product, because, remember those of you who've been following for a really long time we have the apparel. I'm high quality. I like nice things, honey, so everything that I give out has to be high quality. So we're talking really high quality paper. Um, the binding of that, that, that that notebook, the binding and creation of that journal, everything is is well thought through.

Speaker 1: 42:16

So, sister Scribble, and it's spelt S-I-S-T-A-H-S-C-R-I-B-B-L-E. All the platforms Follow Sister Scribble on Instagram, tiktok, you name it Follow, follow, follow. And I have a collection coming out called the Origin Edit, or the Origins Edit, sorry, and it is out in October. It coincides with Black History Month here in the UK, but also it's a special month. It's my birthday month. But October has always been a very special month for me and it's more than just my birthday, it just feels very spiritual. So I don't have a date as yet, so I think you should follow me on social media. Um, and already I've been asked so many times I can't even count how many times about pre-ordering.

Speaker 1: 43:11

Um, because I have done some sneak peeks on my personal Instagram page, which is a private page. So if my energy doesn't align, I don't accept. But Toy Talks podcast is open. But I posted some stuff on there and people are like, oh my God, it's not the conventional stationery. So, for example, one of the notes, well, all of our notebooks, like I said, it's bold, it's charismatic, high energy.

Speaker 1: 43:34

You know the influence of the nineties. I was born in the eighties, raised by the nineties and the two thousands, but the nineties really paid a pivotal role in my life in terms of expression and what was happening in the nineties. We're talking about the music, we're talking about that hip hop American aesthetic. It comes through in all the designs, um, in in, in the Sissy Scribble stationery. Um, and I can't talk about my blackness without that Afro centric element that comes out in everything I talk about. You know, the allies are we. I recognize, I respect and I honor our allies because where our voices are not loud enough, they use their voices. So for me, this brand is also representative of our allies as well, and you'll see that through the collections, you'll see that through the bold pieces, um, so the notebooks have, every notebook has a motivational quote. They're all original quotes by me.

Speaker 1: 44:39

Um, and anyone that sees the stationery, the notebooks, are in all mouth to drop situations. And that's what I want. I feel like stationery doesn't have to be boring, because our thoughts, our hopes, our creations, our manifestations are loud, that legacy living. Oh honey, don't dull. Okay, the website is coming soon. It will be wwwsisterscribblecom. You know we love alliteration here, um, but yeah, I just wanted to kind of come on here and introduce the brand because it will be very prominent, but it's an addition too. So we still have Toy Talks, we now have Sister Scribble. It's a conglomerate Nisity, what the helly, what the helly y'all say. So I don't need to go into the meat and potatoes of kind of what's gone on here.

Speaker 1: 45:43

Nisity's husband was on some type of video podcast and he basically shared certain information about his marriage to Nisity that we just quite frankly didn't need to know, just quite frankly didn't need to know, one of which is he told us that he told his wife at Waterloo station that her breath stinks and it was a transformative moment in their relationship. He went on to to say various other things that were really quite derogatory, like, if you know, he likes women and at the end of the day, he's not above cheating, which fair enough, we all know that. But it was this kind of enunciating I love women, you know it was giving too much, too soon to, to, whenever no, and um, he also said that um, he doesn't care about his. These are his words and you know, if she was to leave him life like it was the way he, it was problematic from start to finish. It was very much giving. I want my light to shine, because my wife's light shines and Nisuti has a platform in her own right. And I'm just going to say this, and I really don't give a shit who it offends, because really and truly it's a fact I really believe that there are certain sectors of Christian women who really believe their identity is marriage.

Speaker 1: 47:18

As response, nissi, nissi t, you know, has left various comments on various people's posts and there was a video that they posted. I think it was at bista village. You know, bista village has that discounted makeup store and nissi T's husband I believe his name is Ben was basically saying listen, I know it's not, and I think he says Louis Vuitton, but what he was saying is I know this isn't really expensive makeup, but this is how you know, this is what I'm getting my wife and the first thing that came to my head is honey. So you, in your mind, you believe that she is deserving of more expensive makeup, but yet she's at a discounted store with your discounted attitude. You need to do more because clearly you're not doing enough, if you know that. That's what came into my head, but, secondly, it was more nicety's reaction.

Speaker 1: 48:11

Now, I wasn't expecting her to come on social media and kind of like lambast her husband or I wasn't expecting any of that. Do you know what I was expecting from her? Silence, don't say nothing. Let me give you some media training that social media has given me. And just generally, I would have just said nothing. And just generally, I would have just said nothing. And then I would.

Speaker 1: 48:42

I think she has a podcast gone on the podcast and said it's never right to discuss marital issues or conversations in public. However, it's happened and whilst I take offence with what was said, I have married this man for better, for worse. So he's going to have to do a lot of work, as I am too, because clearly we need to reaffirm our boundaries and move forward. But welcome to the realities of marriage. And unfortunately he put our business on front street, hence why I'm addressing it on front street, and what I'm not going to do is bring my marriage to social media by letting you all know how we have dealt with it as a couple. But just know it has been dealt with Full stop, no exclamation mark, no new paragraph, just full stop.

Speaker 1: 49:29

Because what that would have done is brought some humanity to what was said, and I don't think people were expecting Nisiti to leave her husband. I mean, you really need to just go and see the video because I feel like the true nature of it needs to be heard and seen, rather than kind of me trying to emphasize to you how actually bad it was. It was terrible. You know, as a married woman myself, I would feel completely disgusted and humiliated if Kate would ever. But I would also be concerned at.

Speaker 1: 50:02

He seemed to really enjoy this and there was one part of the interview where he's like I'm just trying to live, I'm just me man, and he's smiling and he's proud of himself and I'm like that's very twatash behavior. I'm not calling it twat, I said it's twatash behaviour. It makes no sense and it really doesn't appeal to women who are maybe considering marriage and this is an example of the possibilities. That's mad and just continue what I say. I think there is a sector of Christian women whose identity is marriage. And it's almost like there are certain women who almost look down their noses at women who are not married and seem to think that the prize, the prize in life, the prize in existence, is marriage. And it's bullshit, it's absolutely category a bullshit. But what is more concerning is the weaponization of religion to further push this narrative of some form of superiority, some type of exclusive club no and I'm saying this to you as somebody who, on society's terms, married late.

Speaker 1: 51:19

I married in my late thirties, but before then I remember having a former friend tell me that, as a single woman, she couldn't hang around with me no more because I would be attracting the wrong attention to the friendship and, equally, she doesn't want a single woman around her husband. This is what she said to me I came to your wedding, I cut a shawby, I danced, I I dashed money on your head when you were dancing. Hmm, hmm. And now fast forward, how many years. She's tried to connect with me on more than one occasion. I hope you'll listen to this podcast, because the only connection you're going to receive from me is that internet connection, honey, because you ain't going to get shit from me. If I wasn't good enough for you as a single person, I'm damn well not good enough for you as a married person. And if you genuinely think that marriage is the prize, then you clearly have a low self-esteem about yourself.

Speaker 1: 52:17

Marriage is a journey of continuous work. Two people have decided to come together, two strangers, because, let's be real, you was not there when he was being raised, or she was being raised in her house you do not know about her upbringing other than what she tells you or what you have gleaned or been told. You were not there firsthand. This person's moral compass, moral code, these person's experiences you were not there at the genesis. So two perfect strangers come together and have decided to do life together. Different views, sometimes even different cultures, but even if it's the same culture, you're still dealing with somebody who sees the world how they see the world and you may say, oh, we see the world exactly the same, but that person's still an individual, as are you. Marriage can never be the prize, because then what happens if there's no marriage again? What happened? Do you become moldy fruit? No, your identity has to be independent of your marriage. Listen, anyone who's followed me on socials for a really long time, anyone who knows my story honey, I was Toya before I was anyone else. First and foremost, let's get that clarified, and I am wearing many different hats, but I I show up as myself. Marriage can never be the prize. I'm sorry, it is a an extension and it's an addition. An extension and it's an addition, is it? Marriage is an addition, but it's also an extension of who I am, because when? An extension of who I am because I am a wife, but it doesn't define me so I don't lead in it.

Speaker 1: 54:08

Hi, my name is Toya and I'm married. I don't move like that. I don't, and marriage could have never been the price for me, because I could have married at any age, but I chose to not do that. I chose to marry somebody who I genuinely thought I would spend the rest of my life with, and I also accepted that marriage is not promised to everybody. So if marriage is not promised to me, I cannot die on the line. I just move on. But if I desire marriage, then I have to walk in that light, and that light is okay. I desire marriage. So when I'm dating, I'm dating for intention and I'm then beginning to build a picture of who it is that I would want to spend my life with, and that may take a long time and I may never meet that person, but I'm. I'm gonna try.

Speaker 1: 55:04

That was always my day in advice to people, and those of you who've been following me from snapchat know the story. You know my day in history, my day in life. I shared, I was very open because, at the end of the day, marriage relationships does not define me. I was Toya before as anyone else, so to see Nissi T and Ben, it is disappointing but also concerning, because that is also a representation of other christian women who genuinely believe that there is a hierarchy of women and identity. Is, is, is is, uh, defined by marriage, and the weaponization of celibacy is mad as well. It's crazy. It also reminds me of I think it's crept he had a relationship and had a child with.

Speaker 1: 56:00

I think is her name Suelise or Elise, I can't remember her name, so do forgive me. And what I never understand about her is she is in her Christian bag and I respect it. Like, listen, whatever religion you are is your religion. I don't judge you, just live your life, find happiness, be happy. But she was. She was radical, radical for christ, you know, on her scripture back and I always question why is your christianity, I mean generally, why is your christianity aggressive? Why is this, your Christianity, so rude? Oh, I'm radical for Christ. You better get radical for respect and you don't talk to me like that.

Speaker 1: 56:49

And I'm saying this as somebody who grew up in the church. My dad was a pastor for many years until he was got unwell and then had to step down. So I'm a pastor's daughter and I'm telling you that my dad, he was honest. I got to 18 and he was like listen, I've introduced you to Jesus Christ. You have to develop your own relationship, go in Christ. I told you guys, in my early twenties I converted to Islam. Oh yeah, and my dad was so proud of me, was like you know what you do, what makes you happy. I was covering and everything. I really, really, and I know I'm gonna go back to Islam 100%. I know, I know it, but I say this to say um, it doesn't make you less than whatever religion you choose.

Speaker 1: 57:37

But Cripps child's mother, I think what made her just appear as a complete contradiction is she's radical for Christ. She's giving you scriptures versus fact, from genesis to um, to paul, from revelation to efficience, oh, bible. But she recently had a child with someone and they weren't married. And I am not judging you, but according to this walk, your walk in your bible is so make it, make sense, and then she come up with all this stuff. You know, god forgives, god does not judge, and I'm a working and I'm like girl. You are confused because I understand this. So on one hand, you're radical for christ, but the other hand, you've made christianity your identity, but you're not walking that path.

Speaker 1: 58:35

So I'm questioning here, and and I'm only questioning it, because the way you're dealing with us who are not at your christianity level is that you are a superior christian, but at the end of the day, honey, all our sins are rotten. All our words, all our sins are rotten, and life, we're all sinning. If you want to take the definition of what sin is in the bible, ah, we have done it, we're doing it and yeah, yeah. But why is it that your, your christianity, has to be so radical like this? And then it becomes so radical and then so hypocritical at the same time. And I say this to say I don't, I don't judge her I think her name is suelis, or at least I don't judge her I judge the hypocrisy. I judge the hypocrisy because then it's this elevated sense of, oh, chris, and he is more superior than others, and I really have a massive problem with that.

Speaker 1: 59:42

Again, why does Christianity have to be radical like that? You don't have to be radical for Christ. Christ did not ask you to be radical for him. He said worship me in spirit and in truth. Stop all of this.

Speaker 1: 59:55

So my thing is if you're going to walk the path and you are going to preach the path, but deviate from the path, rather than pretend the deviation didn't happen, address it. Don't say, oh, we are committed. Don't say all of that. Just say, listen, I'm a hypocrite, I've tried to walk the path and clearly I'm a hypocrite, so I accept my humanity. Okay, the bible preaches this. I've done this and you know what? At the end of the day, god is love. Ah, why, lady? Who is he? Oh, you just do that there. But oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. God forgives, come on. So God forgives your sins, but doesn't forgive mine. Ah, this is a very fussy God. What's all that? God loves us all. We are one In spirit. Turning truth Some people are reading the Bible using AI Because, clearly, if we were to really research religion and Christianity, I'm spiritual Because when my ancestors were worshipping and speaking to the deities and the ancestors, they decided to invade and say oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1: 1:01:22

Don't do all that. That's demonic. You see, your religion, your spirituality is demonic. Here's the Bible. It was written by. It's the truth. Follow this religion. Follow this religion.

Speaker 1: 1:01:38

I don't believe that. I don't. That's my personal view. I do not disrespect any other religion. I do not disrespect Christianity at all. But I have questions and I want to be made to feel like I can ask those questions without the Bible being dragged down my throat and back out again. And I don't want to feel that way and back out again and I don't want to feel that way. Um, I've previously shown, uh, shared that I definitely know I'm going to. I I don't be surprised if I I'm asked about my religion. I say I'm Muslim because I really believe in Islam. I I really do do, and it's my heart. So let's see, let's watch this space. But I'm just here to say that, christian women, thou shall not judge and thou shall be open-minded, because jesus did not ask you to be radical for him. Just letting you know.

Speaker 1: 1:02:51

That being said, it kind of continues on to Toke Makinwa. So, toke Makinwa, if you don't know, she is a superstar, she is a trailblazer, she's just that girl. Okay, I do love me some. Toke Makinwa I did buy her book years ago when she released it. I do admire her.

Speaker 1: 1:03:04

We've run in similar circles back in the day when I was an African entertainment TV presenter, but that was a very long time ago. I never actually got to meet her. I would have loved to meet her. We did work for the same TV station at different times, but we move and she's a Christian woman and you see, for me, what I like about her, amongst other things, is she's not radical for Christ the way that some of our Christian sisters are doing right, she's a realist, or at least she is honest, okay. But she recently revealed that she and she's now had her baby, who is beautiful and I say beautiful, I'm basing it on her name and the, the small little cutaways that Toki has shared. And to know Toki's story is to really know kind of what she's been through and to know that her gift that God has given her through her daughter, her newborn daughter, is a blessing and a testimony and I love it for her honestly. Um, toki had shared that she was pregnant and she said that. You know she asked God to God, please. You know I want a child and I'm paraphrasing I want a child, please do this for me, and God did it for her. Oh my god. Social media went crazy and they were like ah, so we're asking God for a child, but not for a husband.

Speaker 1: 1:04:22

Toki makimwa was previously married and what she endured in that marriage, I'm telling you that what she shared with us, that's not even half of what that woman endured. So she wants to live her life and not, you know, be married according to the bible. That's her choice. That is really her choice, because she did try, she, she tried and I. What she went through in that marriage. He had a baby on her, he cheated, there was nothing. What he gotta?

Speaker 1: 1:04:51

Read toki makiwa's book. Honestly, I feel like every girl should read that book. Every woman should read that book by toki makiwa. I'll put the link in the bio in in the show notes. I'll have to find it. Let me make a note of that toki makimwa's book. So book link I will do that. I think every woman, irrespective of who you are, where you are, where you're from you, should read that book because the reality of humanity in men, ah voila, you voila, your eye will open.

Speaker 1: 1:05:25

Anyway, I say all this to say Toki Makamuwa never said that she was an angel of Christ. She never said you're good, she's good, you're bad she never. Her relationship with God is between her and God. She asked God, she spoke to God. God gave her a child, it doesn't mean that precludes her from being a Christian. I don't believe that it doesn't preclude her from, and you cannot preclude her from her truth. But the difference between her and, say, a Suelis, for example, is Tokio Makinwa is not shoving this radical for Christ down her throat. She's living her life, sharing her relationship with God, knowing that she's not perfect, and living her life okay. She's not telling you you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong going to hell. She ain't doing none of that. She's living her life.

Speaker 1: 1:06:17

I'm not saying Sue Elise is doing that, I'm just saying but I think they're very different now. Do I think Taki Makiko was a hypocrite? No, because she's always been very clear about, kind of like, what she's been through and that she doesn't desire marriage in the same way. So I don't see her having her commune with God, communication with God and God, then answering prayer and that being. I don't see it as hypocritical. I see it as that's her chosen path and she can resume Christianity, not like she paused it.

Speaker 1: 1:06:57

But what I'm saying is Christianity is resumed, that's it. And it goes to show that no one is a perfect Christian according to whatever the Bible says. But what I'm saying is. Christianity is resumed. That's it, and it goes to show that no one is a perfect Christian according to whatever the Bible says. We are imperfect humans navigating life and doing our best. Tokei Makimwa desired motherhood. She has attained motherhood and may she continue to live her life according to whatever her truth is amen. Remember. I always tell you guys, whatever happens in the us will usually find its way here. I've always told you guys that and this is why I cover a lot of like what's happening in the us. I've shared, like a lot of things, some of my, my research, what I found, and we've spoken on things.

Speaker 1: 1:07:44

Now, the immigration and policies of the Trump administration shouldn't come as a surprise, by the way, because Trump said it and he's doing what he said he was going to do. But what was more concerning is kind of like how that would be interpreted here in the UK, and we have seen many immigration overhauls Recently. I believe the Home Secretary is David Lammy and you all know how I feel about him already. Um, basically, um, the government are overhauling asylum seekers, uh claims, and basically I, I I listened to and read that they are pausing the ability for asylum seekers to bring over their families and they're doing it as a way to control immigration from an asylum-seeking perspective. So if someone's legitimately come here sought asylum, the government are going to make it more difficult for them to bring their families over.

Speaker 1: 1:08:53

Now I don't particularly have an opinion, only to say that the UK does have an immigration problem. We do, we do it. You know. The small boat crossings are an example of the immigration problem that we have here in the UK. I don't know what the answer is, but what I do know is I pay a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot of tax. So I believe that I have a voice on this stage, as a lot of us do. The access to the things we pay tax at source we don't get to access. Who is accessing it? Now, I don't have an issue if you come to this country seeking asylum, because clearly you've had no choice. I have no issue if you come to this country and you want to create a better life for your family and you work and pay into the system so that you can benefit. I have no issue. What I do have an issue with is the way this country opens its borders and as I say opens its borders I mean it figuratively and I can't access basic things like a GP appointment or the NHS or anything where I have to pay for I cannot access. But I can access it if I pay again to go private, and part of that reason is because the immigration crisis in this country.

Speaker 1: 1:10:23

I am second generation immigrant. My parents are first generation, so I'm not actually like. This is my country, honey. I know very well where I belong, but in as much as I pay into this system, I have a right to be here. I'm a legitimate citizen here and you're taxing me. I have a right to be here. I'm a legitimate citizen here and you're taxing me. I have a seat at this conversation. That being said, I want to advise everyone to be very careful.

Speaker 1: 1:10:53

I have and read, obviously, this research of the St George's flag and I just want to say I have no issue with anybody putting flags up and when I say flags, I mean, like the St George's flag. I have a problem with the weaponization of that flag, um, which basically tells us go back to where you come from, because that's what it is, that's what how they're weaponizing it. Now I believe that this flag flying of the St George's flag that I mean. Today, for example, I was on my way to Sainsbury's. I had my daughter with me, picked her up from nursery and as we're driving, I see this whole road and all I see is St George flags and I was like I have no issue with this, but when you are now weaponizing it, go home, go back to where you came from.

Speaker 1: 1:11:44

That's a problem, especially when this country is made up of majority immigrants. By the way, the economy was built off the back of immigrants. Just for clarification, because I know a lot of people don't do the Googles, don't do the research, and a lot of these people are very, very uneducated and these people are responsible for the reason why we left the EU. Brexit was the triumphant moment, which is now a horror show and a fucking nightmare, not a beautiful one. So I'm just saying people just be careful, because how people who are uneducated understand immigration, um, and the racial weaponization of immigration is a problem. So we just need to be careful and I I had that conversation with my husband today.

Speaker 1: 1:12:41

I was like have you noticed this? He was like, yeah, and I I don't. Like I said I don't care, fly your flag, but not when you're flying the flag and what you're really doing is using it as a double entendre to be racist. Now that's a problem, because if we were all to pack up and go home, your economy would collapse. You would have nothing. You'd be coming to Africa to come and beg for a bailout, let's be real. But nobody wants to have that conversation. So this is why Reform UK can never, ever, ever leave this country, because the basis of Reform UK, the fundamental basis, is etched in racism. So can you imagine? You've got the flag flyers, the lack of education, where a lot of people in this country get their education from daily mail online, and then you couple that with a reform uk government.

Speaker 1: 1:13:35

Oh my god, it is a problem, hellfire problem, just letting you all know, because because, when it comes to election time, I am going to be drumming it into everyone's head Think, think it, educate yourself, vote with your feet, go to the polling station. You have to vote and not voting is voting, and it's voting in a way that will affect you. Um, I, I don't. If this country's finished anyway, I'm. I know this when I say it's like the sewer, um, this is this country's the eighth. We have the eighth highest taxes in the world. That's the bin and the sewer. It is the bin.

Speaker 1: 1:14:26

Common apple, apple, just apple. Not even Granny Smith, not even Pink Lady, just apple. Any Abandoned apple Can cost up to 80p To one pound. Jesus, but I digress, I digress, just be careful. People are entitled to, to, to, to, to fly their saint george's flag, even though they don't know the history of saint george. But again, if I, if I speak now they say I've spoken. But it's what it is trying to demonstrate? It's, it's a macro. It actually is a micro aggression that turns into a macro aggression. So let's just be vigilant, open our eyes. Right, let's move on to a dilemma. I've got so many things to talk about. I'm gonna have to come back next week, aren't I? Yes, I am okay, listen. Let's go on to dilemmas. First of all, I want to apologize because this email was sent um beginning of August and I'm only getting to it now, but I was on summer holidays, um, and we've had a few uh dilemmas in the mailbox. Some of them I've been able to direct to certain podcast episodes um, others I have gone to directly, especially over the summer, because I was unavailable. But this particular one haven't had the opportunity and there's another two that haven't had the opportunity to respond to. Just please bear bear with me, okay, so this is entitled additional responsibility. Dear Toya, I hope you and your family are well.

Speaker 1: 1:15:59

My dilemma the company I work for went through restructuring which meant I moved into a new team. My former manager campaigned to ensure that I was not placed under the managership of Miss A because she is interesting, quote unquote. And I was placed under the managerial ship of Miss B, who is the head of the whole department. Miss B changed my managership to Mr A or I think she said Miss A after seven months, citing that Miss A would have more time for me and to help develop my career. But in another conversation with her it became apparent she moved me to justify a promotional widened scope for Mrs A.

Speaker 1: 1:16:42

I guess two things can be true. During a one-to-one with Mrs A, she mentioned me taking on managing a risk register, which is a task which currently sits with another member of the team whom has a more senior job title than me and I consider to be a big responsibility than me, and I consider to be a big responsibility. There was no reference to a review of my compensation or job title. I explained in the first one-to-one with Miss A about my role, the weekly deadlines and deliverables I have, and she appeared shocked. My role is incredibly busy. Further context which I think is useful is I'm seeking a promotion, which I discussed with Miss A, to which she responded she did extra work and projects for two years before she got her promotion, which made me pause as I wondered if she thought I should also wait two years. That's exactly what she thinks. Also, the company I work for does not promote people without expanded duties. If I was forced on this responsibility without promotion, I will be over capacity. I would not be able to take on anything else in the future to justify promotion. It doesn't sit right with me that I could be taken on a task with no additional compensation from a more senior individual. Lastly, it shows that she doesn't understand my role and, upon reflection, she has not attended any of the meetings I look after or asked about my processes day to day. Could you kindly advise on how I can communicate professionally with acquiring a new responsibility from a more senior member of staff, if you've? Also, if you also think that is relevant, should be accompanied with discussions on compensation to reflect the widened scope, whilst also making reference to my heavy workload. How how to best approach this? Well, I think you've kind of answered your own question, but I'm going to start by saying this Earlier on in the podcast, there is a episode called your Manager is Not the Architect of your Career.

Speaker 1: 1:18:54

I think you need to listen to that, re-listen to it. I'm sure you've listened to it before, but in light of this, I think you need to re-listen to it. You are the architect of your career. No one really gives a shit about your workload. If I'm honest, the only person that cares is you, because it talks to your ability to deliver. It enables you to justify pay increases, role changes. You know what I mean, but let's just break this down a little bit.

Speaker 1: 1:19:27

You've been asked, as part of your role, to take on additional responsibility. That would ordinarily be done by a senior member of staff. They want to move it to you and typically in your organization. If you want a pay rise or promotion so just a promotion in general you need to be seen to be taking more responsibility. So I think we both agree that you are due for a promotion and if you are looking for the justification, this is it what I would do and how I would handle it, and this is the advice I'm giving you, because I would never tell you to do.

Speaker 1: 1:20:05

Something I wouldn't do is this I would find my original job description, the job description that I was given or used when I was hired. Now, if they did not give you a job description, ask HR for the job description, because you are allowed to have access to the contents of your file. Get the original job description and then what I would do is I would amend that job description to reflect the current day and what you do, and I would have them side by side. Have them side by side, so I'd have the original and then I'd have another one where it'd be highlighted in yellow all the additional stuff I do over and above the job description for the role when I first took it. And then I would email HR and no, I would email my boss and I would copy the HR business partner and then I would also find the policy on promotions, career advancement and things like that. I would also make a note of, um, kind of like the things you do over and above, but I'm sure that would be captured in your edited job description and I would put everything in a folder. Listen, we're calling this the binder. Thank you, monique from the Real Housewives of Badomek. But yeah, we're calling it a binder and I put all of that in there.

Speaker 1: 1:21:28

And then, on top of that, I would try to find a similar role on par with a competitor or just an organization that's familiar to my current organization in the folder. And then I would write an email to um, uh, to uh, my boss, my line manager, um, but I would take it a step further because I'm mad like that. I'm not mad, but you know what I mean. I am one of those. I'm high impact when you're mad. That's what I do. So my old line manager, so line manager B on CC, my actual line manager, line manager A and the HR business partner, and I would write further to the restructuring of our department and our organization.

Speaker 1: 1:22:18

I think it would be prudent to have a conversation about roles and responsibilities, insofar as additional responsibilities and things I have done over and above my job. For example, I'm attaching my original job description to this email and attachment B is the job description which will actually reflect what I do today. Typically, I think one can accept that this organisation promotes or give pay rises, change in job titles, whatever it may be, with additional responsibility. Attachment B highlights all my additional responsibility and therefore I would like to request a formal review of my role in consideration of a job promotion which I believe I'm well deserving of. I would also attach your objectives and I've always told you all, in as much as you have a burn folder, you must have a feedback folder and that's examples of your work where you've gone over and above or you've got a like a recommendation from a client, whatever it is, and I mean you need two or three of those, but you need to be keeping them in in in some type of electronic folder anyway, because why wouldn't you? And then I would attach that or two or three examples and say in as much as I appreciate the change in management and the reasons why, I don't think that there's been a the same consistency in terms of my my job here and therefore I welcome a conversation about how I'm going to continue to proceed in this role.

Speaker 1: 1:24:05

I have been requested to take on additional responsibility, for example, the risk register from a very senior member of staff, and for me, the risk register, given the severity and the seriousness of it, is an additional responsibility to my everyday tasks, which I have previously shared with my manager, line manager, miss A. Responsibility to my everyday tasks, which I have previously shared with my manager, line manager, miss A, in order for there to be transparency, fairness, balance and adequate remuneration and promotion. I think that no. I believe there needs to be a review on my role with the aim of a promotion. I have been in this organisation for X amount of years and I want to continue to grow and advance my career, but that can only be done with clear and transparent dialogue. Therefore, I have taken the initiative to start the conversation and I welcome your responses and I hope that we can have a meeting about how I will be promoted as part of this additional responsibility. That's how I deal with that, and then I would find the policies that support all of that.

Speaker 1: 1:25:15

I would also make sure that you're also looking externally for other roles, because, in as much as your manager cannot be the architect of your career, you are the architect of your career, and I keep telling people. You may be working at the company of your dreams, but even the company of your dreams may not be able to be able to catch up with how big your dreams are, and sometimes you have to be able to see what's happening in the market to truly understand whether you're in a role that really appreciates what you give it and in a role that remains competitive. This is not just a cost of living crisis. The socioeconomic state of affairs means that you have to be in a continuous state of growth. Success also means money. Let's not be ashamed to say that I do not take on additional tasks without something I don't do freebies, because I can't tell my daughter's nursery that I can't pay them the pay increase to her nursery fees because I do freebies. Go figure, you want me to take on more responsibility. You're going to pay me.

Speaker 1: 1:26:38

Listen, it's just because we are running out of time. Next week we'll talk about bonuses. We're going to have that conversation. I thought I was going to have that conversation today. We are running out of time. Next week we'll talk about bonuses. We're going to have that conversation. I thought I was going to have that conversation today. We're running out of time. We'll talk about it next week, because a colleague of mine got paid 5K more in bonuses than I did and don't get it twisted, I'm not complaining. My bonus was pretty good, but given the work that we do and the project I've been deployed on, which is the second biggest project of our team, there's no justification for this. But I want to discuss with you all how I'm handling it. So that's going to be a hard as black women 10 times as hard.

Speaker 1: 1:27:28

So why would I be working 10 times as hard to just be giving myself stress for free? It doesn't make sense. Additional responsibility should have additional perks, advancement there should be something tangible Job title change, promotion, increased benefits. There needs to be a trajectory and I keep telling people this your career objectives and trajectory should not be tied to one organisation. That organisation may be part of your story, but you do not have to tie yourself to it and some people that do. That's your choice. But I personally have seen success when I operate single-minded, single focus. If this organization no longer serves me, I'll find one that does. I will go to your competitor. In fact, where I currently work, I was headhunted by my company's competitor. I was, but I just know they can't meet me on that hill, honey. And I got bills to pay.

Speaker 1: 1:28:37

I know my worth, and so does the market. So the market may be bad bad, but they're still hiring. So if you want to continue to be the architect of your career in the way that you, you, you are because I can see it here what you've written I suggest you also, on top of everything I've just advised, that you see what the market's saying. You know it's an ego boost as well to do interviews, but I talk about interviews all the time. In order to be really good at interviews, you have to be doing them, whether you accept a job or not, whether you're looking for the role or not. But in order for you to remain competitive, you need to see what the market's saying and then maybe have a conversation or two, have an interview. Don't play small with yourself or your career. Don't remember this. I just spoke about taylor townsend and jelena ostapenko.

Speaker 1: 1:29:31

I literally just said it like this humble. Politics is crazy when it means a press taking on additional responsibility and knowing that's a prerequisite for a promotion means that you need to be proactive, and I can see that you're. You are being proactive because you're asking me listen Toya, how am I going to do this? And that is my advice to you. Anyhow, you're going to do this. It's going to ruffle feathers Whenever we want more for ourselves.

Speaker 1: 1:30:00

There are people who are uncomfortable because we should be full from crumbs. Why would you want the loaf when there's the crust and the crumbs? But what we're saying is no, no, no, no, no. I don't deal in crust and crumbs, I deal in the entire loaf. In fact, give me the flour, I'll do it myself. That's what we believe in. So let me know how it goes.

Speaker 1: 1:30:23

I hope this helps continue to be confident in your career and your expectations. What you expect is is reasonable, it's legitimate and, even if it wasn't reasonable, at the end of the day, if it's reasonable to you, it's reasonable, especially when it comes to your. Be unrelenting in the pursuit of success. Be focused on whatever your personal objectives and goals are to achieve that success and, more importantly, be loud in your wanting to be successful and you get to define what success means to you. So I hope that helps.

Speaker 1: 1:31:02

There's so many things I wanted to discuss on this episode, but obviously we've run out of time Because y'all know I ain't gonna go on and on. But next week's episode I will talk about it's called Golden Letters, but it's a bonus I will be discussing a concept called quiet cracking, because you know we love a good concept on this episode. Um, also as well, I am going to be talking about the quiet thrill of not being for everyone by Stephanie Tyler. Can't wait to talk about that. Um, but yeah, hopefully I'm gonna see you guys next week. I'm trying, I'm trying'm trying. I'm coming back. Guess who's back. Guess who's back. Guess who's back. Yeah, I'm back.

Speaker 1: 1:31:46

Anyway, make sure you follow me on social media Toya underscore Washington on Instagram, toya Washington on TikTok and Toya underscore Talks on Instagram for the podcast and, of course, sister Scribble on Instagram. I want to thank you so much for listening. Thank you for supporting, thank you for downloading, thank you for sharing, thank you for leaving your comments. Please leave your comments. Spotify, apple Podcasts. Wherever you listen to the podcast, please leave your comments. Please rate the podcast as well, because that really helps me in terms of ranking and people being able to discover the podcast, because there are so many people that don't know this podcast exists, so that means the work is still ongoing, but, yeah, I'm glad to be back. Welcome back, everybody. This is the last quarter of the year. Let's get it, let's go. My name is Toy Washington and you've been listening to the Toy Talks podcast.

Speaker 2: 1:33:02

Thanks for listening to the Toy Talks podcast. Watch it shine. Breaking barriers, redesigning time From Tottenham Roads to CEO. Every step, teaching what we know, not just surviving but thriving more. Opening every closed door. Toyotox, toyotox, toyotox. Black queens to the top and we're still going.