The Quiet Thrill Of Not Being For Everyone

The Transport for London strikes have sparked heated debate, but before rushing to judgment, we need to examine why workers feel forced to take such actions. When peaceful protest options are systematically limited and negotiations fail, strikes become the necessary tool for demanding fair treatment. These workers form the backbone of our infrastructure – shouldn't their compensation reflect that essential role?

This week I share a conversation with a colleague that exposed a £5K bonus disparity despite my heavier workload and responsibilities. The experience highlights how secrecy around compensation creates fertile ground for favoritism and discrimination to flourish unchallenged. What happens when we start having these uncomfortable but necessary conversations about pay transparency? I'm taking you behind the scenes of how I'm navigating this situation strategically rather than emotionally.

The most liberating concept I've encountered recently comes from Stephanie Tyler's article "The Quiet Thrill of Not Being for Everyone." How many of us have spent years performing versions of ourselves, carefully packaging our truths to be palatable to others? This continuous shape-shifting amounts to "a long-form apology for who you are." The freedom that comes from embracing authenticity – even when it means not everyone will like you – represents a profound shift in how we navigate our professional and personal lives.

From Angela Rayner's resignation and the leadership lessons it provides, to disappointments with Apple's innovation, to Cardi B's courtroom victory against frivolous claims – each story offers insights into standing your ground and protecting what matters. I also introduce the concept of "job hugging" and why protecting your business ideas legally has never been more important.

Referenced Article:

The Quiet Thrill of Not Being For Everyone

https://www.wildbarethoughts.com/p/the-quiet-thrill-of-not-being-for

The Toya Talks podcast is evolving with a new logo, consistent Wednesday episodes, and increased social media presence. Follow @toya_talks on Instagram for more career insights, and watch out for the October launch of my new stationery brand, Sister Scribble. Have a workplace dilemma? Email hello@toyatalks.com for confidential advice on the podcast.

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Music (Intro and Outro) Written and created by Nomadic Star

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Chapters

• 0:00 Podcast Introduction and Weekly Format
• 1:50 TFL Strikes: The Right to Fair Pay
• 16:25 Angela Rayner's Resignation and Leadership Support
• 27:07 Golden Letters: Exposing Bonus Inequality
• 49:05 The Quiet Thrill of Not Being for Everyone
• 1:05:10 Apple's Disappointing Innovation and Technology
• 1:22:02 Cardi B's Legal Victory and Setting Boundaries
• 1:28:05 Facial Recognition Technology Concerns
• 1:33:45 Protecting Your Business Ideas

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

anyone will think that you guys are getting weekly podcast episodes. I'm back, but no really. Um, we're moving to weekly podcasts, yep, every Wednesday. I figured Wednesday would probably be a better day to go live, because sometimes you need an extra little pick me up and I feel like Wednesdays is a good day, for that also gives me the opportunity to kind of do the treatment for the episode. I'll have more time to record and then get into a rhythm, because I obviously have another business I'm working on as well, as well as being a career woman, a mom, a wife, housekeeper, because my housekeeper can't get child care so she's no longer taking on any clients or looking after existing ones anyway, from the quiet thrill of not being for everyone, to David Lammy being the first black deputy prime minister here in the UK.

Speaker 1: 0:59

To Apple launching some of their what they dubbed as their best products yet. To facial recognition technology being rolled out for many businesses and I mentioned last week about Sainsbury's. Gucci's makeup rollout still lacks black shades and Cardi B wins big in her civil lawsuit against her Welcome to the Toy Talks podcast.

Speaker 1: 1:51

I want to caveat the weekly podcast by saying this If I have nothing to discuss, I'm not going to record just to record sake. I'm all about knowledge, learning and and also just not overdoing it. Do you know what I mean? If there's nothing to say and I've never been that way if there's nothing to discuss, I just won't do an episode. But I just want to kind of set the intention out there that it's every Wednesday. So I just needed to give that caveat because I don't want anyone messaging me saying, ah, where's the podcast? Because I got a lot of that a while back and, while it's lovely that people love the episodes, it did put a lot of pressure on me, whereas I just want to caveat that by saying the intentions. Every week there is a podcast episode. I'm committed to that, but only if there's something to discuss or, you know, if there isn't, then we'll wait for the following week on a Wednesday. Um, but if you follow me on social media on Instagram, toya underscore talks I am very active on there, even more so now that I recently did a social media health check and I looked at the Instagram page for Toya talks and I was like this is not really reflective of kind of me. It was very chaotic, it was giving recently diagnosed with ADHD, so I cleaned it up. I'm cleaning it up and making it a bit more cleaner in terms of the aesthetic of it and how I want to deliver, messaging um, and it's just and I'm going to be honest, it's ever since I had my new housekeeper, who I'm devastated that she's leaving or that she's left already actually, and the comms weren't great, but she made me see my home through her lens because she also has ADHD and actually it just revolutionized how I and I say revolutionize is a big word, but it did revolutionize the way and the lens I I look at things in terms of, like, my personal space and then it kind of rolled out to my endeavors and you know, the things that I work on, things that I do in my social media. Now, very different from my personal Instagram page, which is kind of me and I can just be and do whatever I want. But I feel like, with kind of the Sister Scribble Instagram page and the Toy Talks Instagram page, I just want to be more intentional about the objective and ethos of what I do in in those respective businesses. So you'll just see a lot more of a unified, cohesive approach to the respective instagram pages.

Speaker 1: 4:17

I just wanted to say that because I think it's important. Um, I just just want to touch on that. My doctor was amazing and she gave me a preliminary um diagnosis and she's put it on my file, gave me a referral and you know how the NHS works. So I'm having to go private and I think I've potentially found a private healthcare provider that could do their official ADHD assessment, but I've got the preliminary report and I asked for that to be sent to my house, which I was happy with, because we're going to talk a bit about that later as to why I asked for it. But yeah, I just kind of wanted to say that.

Speaker 1: 5:00

Anyway, moving on, so currently in the UK for those of you who are outside of the UK, transport for London and basically Transport for London's Underground is the best way to kind of describe it they're on a five day strike and it started on Sunday. What date was it on Sunday? Sorry, let me get my phone out because y'all know I barely remember my name. Sunday was the 7th of September, so it will last from the 7th of September to the 12th of September, and TFR workers are striking because of pay and conditions and work conditions, and I shared this on my Instagram page and I'm going to say it here on the podcast, because it should be here.

Speaker 1: 5:44

Um, I'm really, really, really, really, really tired and disgusted about how, in this country, we almost shame people or attempt to question um workers who decide that they want to protest against certain things. France are really good at this right right Whereby you piss them off. Good enough, especially the waste disposal and the bin men and women. They'll go on strike and they will down tools and there will be rats the size of cats nyamin on the bins on the street as they protest a bit, a protest against their working conditions and pay, and France will bend the knee eventually because they recognize that they can't continue to live like that, or and and the workers will force them around the table to have a discussion and reach an agreement. And and one thing I actually admire about French workers is they don't tolerate shit and if they have to down tools for a year, they're willing to do it. Here in the UK, we're still very polite about how we demand certain things, and it becomes a demand because the conversations have broken down. So with TFL workers.

Speaker 1: 7:05

I will say a few things Now. Firstly, it's not for you to decide whether TFL workers earn enough, because you don't know what conditions they're working under, you don't know the shift work they have to do, you don't know the sacrifice they have to do, and I feel like when you have people like the TFL workers nurses, doctors and other people within the medical field, who are a core part of the infrastructure of this country, you have to take care of them. You have to take care of them because you know that if they down tools, this country could potentially crumble, and that's the reality of it. Um, during covid, we were clapping for our medical professionals, instead of increasing their wages, instead of giving them free parking in the hospitals and other medical practices that they work in to deliver care, that we charge them that this country, this government, charged them to park their cars in hospitals to be able to go and do their shift to deliver critical, essential, needed care to patients. Does that even make fucking sense? It doesn't make sense, and god forbid they over. We're going to give them the least amount of money and then we're going to charge them and then give them a penalty if they overstay, which they could potentially be overstaying because maybe something's happened. They've had to give urgent medical care over their hours. It's just a crazy, crazy, crazy concept to me. I never will understand it.

Speaker 1: 8:43

So you can then imagine when TFL are protesting in the way that they do. And let's be honest, if you want to create maximum impact, there's no point protesting over the summer or striking over the summer. There's no point striking over the summer. Most people are on holiday, summer leave. You know you have to strike when there is a maximum potential impact.

Speaker 1: 9:07

So, september, people returning back to work, but returning back to school, and actually people I don't know where people get their education from, and you only have to look at some Instagram stories and you just think to myself. You think, think to yourself yeah, your education is from Daily Mail Online or from Snapchat, because this is madness when people say things with such confidence and impunity but they don't read. Often that need to attain knowledge and research for comprehension is just not there. And then you just think to yourself what did you obtain through the education system? That is clearly not not the required extent needed for you to operate in society, because knowledge is power, but ignorance seems to be your superfood.

Speaker 1: 9:57

So there's been a lot of criticism about tfl workers. Now they are striking pain conditions. They have on numerous occasions gone around the table, but we are living in a society, especially with this government, who are cosplaying as Labour but are really conservative. They are disingenuous in terms of how they use the media, how the current government use the media to push a narrative that TfL workers are greedy, that TfL workers are basically crippling the economy, crippling people's ability to be able to get to work, and we're going to get onto that because some of your employees are fucking mad.

Speaker 1: 10:40

But the reality is, if you want change, especially in this country, especially in this government, you are going to have to strong arm them, and TfL understand how to strong arm them. So this is going on for five days and let me be very clear TfL will be striking again this year, especially as we go into the colder winter months and the transport system in and of itself. You know this transport system can't cope with cold cold even though this country spends a lot of time being cold. So the impact will be felt and it's like a ripple of dominoes. But if you want change, especially in this government, especially with this government, sorry, you're going to have to impact its infrastructure, and that's exactly what tfl workers are, and if this is what they feel they need to do to affect change, then that's what they need to do.

Speaker 1: 11:30

Who are you to judge them? Who are you to say, actually, you earn too much money? Who are you to talk on their conditions when they're actually in the condition delivering their job? You don't know what they have to work under. And what I do respect is, if there is an example of how a union should move in terms of protecting and advocating for their staff or their employees or the members who have joined who are employees of TfL, it is their unions. The R&T union, as far as I am concerned, is one of those unions that will really advocate for its members and they will go to the table and, yeah, maybe some of the things they ask for are slightly unreasonable, but it never starts off that way.

Speaker 1: 12:16

We're dealing with a government that makes a lot of money through our taxes and through every opportunity they can taxes and through every opportunity they can. If it's not the Silver Town Tunnel, it's the Black Hole Tunnel, the Dartford Crossing, congestion charge, parking fines through local authorities, corporation tax, income tax, whatever it is. We are taxed to the nines, the eighth highest taxed country in the world. Where is that money going? The NHS is crumbling and we are sitting here criticising TfL workers because they have a union that is willing to support, advocate and support them, to force the government to give fairer pay and fairer working conditions, and I don't see any problem in that whatsoever.

Speaker 1: 13:08

This country has single-handedly ensured that you can't freely protest. So when we talk about freedom of speech here, it's freedom limited to what this government will accept. So people who would go out and protest in the normal way of protesting the government are passing legislation to stop you from doing that, to regulate how you use your like, how you like protest on the ground. So the only other form of protest that you can do would be to strike. In the way they're doing it. They're adhering to the letter of their contracts and the law. They have the support of the R&T union. So I don't see the problem.

Speaker 1: 13:48

Read often to understand, and I get it, because at the end of the day, we are at the receiving end. Those of us who use and utilise the transport system are on the receiving end of these strikes. But that's the whole idea. The striking is a last result. It's not the first, but the government knew that they were going to get to this. So why did they not go around the table and offer something that was fair? Because when you offer something that is fair, you mitigate this risk of a strike. And what you deem as fair has to be mutually agreeable. It can't be fair when it's one-sided, it's negotiating 101. We're looking for a win-win situation, not a win-lose. It's a win-win and you know, at the end of the day, you know they're striking and you, to get to the root of the issue, is to come to the table and be genuine and open and honest. And I just don't think the government are doing that. I think the government, all the government, is interested in is raising taxes, which we're expecting a raise in rising taxes this October. Um, the chance of extra is um due to to make an announcement and we're anticipating high taxes here in the UK. So is it any wonder the low price of bread is mad, the price.

Speaker 1: 15:08

I went to the shop today. I went to Tesco's and I got a couple of things, and when I say a couple of things insignificant, you couldn't make a meal out of it. In Tesco's. I brought a couple of things and it cost me £28.95 and I counted seven items and not one of them items were me. So this is what we're dealing with here.

Speaker 1: 15:27

So when we talk about pay, we it's about fair pay. Due to what they do and the conditions they work in reflect that pay. And, yes, tfo workers are paid very well if you compare it to um kind of minimum wage if you like, but I don't even think that's a fair comparison. But if you compare it to, like, the average salary in the UK, whatever that is, which is quite low considering kind of being in the UK and maybe people living in London. But I I think that they work for it, they work hard for it and I think that they they deserve whatever they feel they need, especially because we're living in a country that has a government that is unfair. So every year, every April, if it's not transport costs that are rising, it's council tax. If it's not council tax, it's corporation tax. If it's not, it's council tax. If it's not council tax, it's corporation tax. If it's not, it's something. So don't get onto people who are willing to use their unions to benefit them. I don't see a problem with it and neither should you.

Speaker 1: 16:37

So, in anticipation of these strikes by TFL, of these uh strikes by tfl, last week, it was hot, labor was hot, it was they were active because angela rainer, who is or was the deputy prime minister of the uk, resigned now, bearing in mind she's not only just the deputy prime minister, was not only the deputy prime minister in the uk, but she was also the secretary of state for housing, communities and local government. And I say this to give context to to the reason why she resigned so effectively. She bought another home and she put it on trust for her son. Now, um, I don't really want to kind of get into the whole her personal life in terms of her son and the reason why. Because the media, they just have a way of like, they have a way of reporting and they do it in the most intrusive and disrespectful way and I think, if we just stick to the facts of what's happened here.

Speaker 1: 17:39

So Angela Rayner then resigned, um, because she bought a second home and then she had a lawyer kind of do all the paperwork and give her advice in terms of like tax and whatever else that she would, she would need to to pay and that's the right thing to do as a lawyer. You retain a lawyer because you're buying a house. They advise you, they do statements of costs and things like that. You know, they know who you are. Angela Rayner, you know, they know, they know, and she bought this property and they knew that she was part of Labour. I don't know if she was still the Prime Minister at the time in which she bought the property, but, irrespective, she's a member of Parliament and I think that that is really important.

Speaker 1: 18:23

And come to find out that she had paid she hadn't paid enough stamp duty on that property to the effect of 40,000 pounds, so there was an investigation. She referred herself to this independent body where they would investigate and, uh, the report came back and it was. I wouldn't call it a damning report, but the report basically said that she had broken ministerial code and, as a direct result of that, she then resigned. And I'm going to be honest, I'm not going to put myself through reading that whole report, so I'm just going to give you highlights of this.

Speaker 1: 19:00

Now, there's been so many think pieces about whether she should have resigned, given that she had retained a lawyer, she had sought advice through that lawyer and she acted on it and she maintained from the very beginning that nothing untoward was happening. She did not willfully evade paying that for the additional £40,000 of statement duty. And actually now, now, obviously as soon as she found out, she immediately paid it, without question. Now my first question is well, if she retained a lawyer, is it fair to say that the lawyer did not basically do their work correctly? Because how did they come to the conclusion like and I know part of it is because of how it was in the trust. I understand all of that, but when you retain a subject matter expert, what you're relying on their advice and information?

Speaker 1: 20:00

Now, a lot of think pieces. A lot of people said well, she should have got a second opinion, especially because of who she is being like. Obviously second secretary of state for housing and then obviously not paying enough stamp duty. That is mad. But they made it like a lot more sinister than what it was spending thousands of pounds on a house that she's bought on trust for her son that she would and I understand the whole she hadn't declared that it wasn't. She'd basically declared it wasn't her principal home, um, but then it kind of was and all of this stuff. I honestly I'm not going to put myself through going over the whole thing, i'm'm just giving you highlights here. But in any case I just don't understand why she needed a second opinion and in my view I didn't.

Speaker 1: 20:54

I don't know what I thought the report would say, but the breaking of ministerial code is very severe, so the only response would be to resign. But what I found quite interesting is obviously the Labour, the leader of the Labour Party and obviously the Prime Minister of the UK, keir Starmer, really stood by Angela Rayner. I mean, the entire party did. Really they spoke very highly of her, even the independent investigation as they were drawing their conclusions in the report. They spoke very highly of Angela Rayner in terms of her integrity, in terms of her impact on the Labour Party, in terms of the things that she had done in delivering in her role as not just Deputy Prime Minister but Secretary of State for Housing. So for them it was very heavy for them to kind of deliver the result as result, as you know, she had breached ministerial code. It wasn't a decision, um to conclude that lightly.

Speaker 1: 21:50

But what was amazing and what needs to be discussed is how her boss, sakia starmer, is yes, sir, I don't know, anyway stuck by her and I think it was. It was testament to what you would expect from your line manager to have your back right. How many times have you been in situations in the workplace? Maybe you've done something wrong or maybe you'll be embedded up by a member of staff who is maybe senior than you and you expect your manager to have your back and they just don't. Because I put my hands up. This has happened to me many a times and I know that I ride at dawn solo.

Speaker 1: 22:31

But the reality is she was very well respected and I think that has to be communicated, because the Labour Party did communicate that Keir Starmer looked visibly distressed at the thought that you know, angela Rayner would resign, but it's the fact that he was willing to support her and obviously she referred herself. He made a statement about her integrity, about her, him trusting in her judgment, about her lifting the NDA associated with her son and her family. You know, being transparent in terms of kind of what's happened, communicating, not hiding anything, not willfully being deceitful. He really had her back and I looked at that and I thought if half of our managers could be like that, we could, we would have a fighting chance in the workplace when we're navigating dickheads. We would have a fighting chance in the workplace when we're navigating dickheads If you felt like your manager has your back, like I remember working for an organisation and it wasn't necessarily my direct manager, but she was like the manager of the director of my division and she had actually been one of the people in my interview panel that actually hired me and working within this particular organization, she just had my back and I remember there was a situation where, you know, a colleague had just been so disrespectful but he was so senior and he was a blocker to me being able to do something.

Speaker 1: 23:58

And I remember having a conversation with this um department director and literally within a few hours she dealt with it and she basically said to me anything you need, I'm here. And there was just this understanding, without me having to kind of go into detail, that she was willing to have my back and advocate for me, especially because she knew I was trying to do my job. And I've not had that for a really, really long time where somebody, whether you're in the room or not, just has your back. So to see Keir Starmer do that with somebody who he respects and then her resigning to not put him in a situation where he has to sack her. I think it speaks to kind of how, like the old school, like for me it was just reminding me of like, oh, back in the day, old school, where you know you have a manager and you're like a team and you truly believe in the essence of what a team is. I apologize, the baby monitors on so you might hear my daughter she does. My daughter talks in her sleep. I think I do that as well, but she talks in sleep anyway, you might hear. But anyway, it just speaks to that for me and it made me think about, kind of the last time I felt that supported, and it's been a really, really long time.

Speaker 1: 25:09

I think kind of being the person that advocates for yourself and has your own back can be exhausting, but it can also be lonely, especially because if you work in a space where you see the sharks and sometimes when they circle, no one's trying to give you a dinghy, no one's trying to dive in, ain't no one trying to like distract the sharks. Do you know what I mean? So I you know I talk about this Angela Rayner's resignation, just to highlight the fact that, at the end of the day, she works for the Labour Party. Her line manager is Keir Starmer and she respected him enough to not put him in a position where he would have to sack her. She left with, you know, I wouldn't say her reputation intact, but people are not seeing the deceit in what she done or didn't do, and I accept that, yeah, you have a heightened sense of responsibility when you're a member of parliament, even more so when you're a deputy prime minister and even more so when you're the secretary secretary of state for housing. But these will also be the reasons why I doubt. I just don't believe that she would try to defraud, deceive or avoid paying additional stamp duty of 40k when she would have fought out thousands of pounds to buy the house to pay whatever stamp duty she paid. It's not like she paid zero. I feel like when she got the I think it's called, I think it's the confirmation statement from the lawyers, clearly something didn't go well and if I was her, I would name the lawyers like what? What happened? They need to bring a statement, like they need to. I need a statement anyway.

Speaker 1: 26:43

So angela reyna is no longer, uh, the deputy prime minister of the uk. But you know who is, and we spoke about him last week, didn't we? Or was it the week before we did. David lammy, who's the mp for tottenham we never see him anyway. We never saw him anyway. He's been the mp for tottenham for years. He was um before he took he was appointed deputy prime minister. He was actually a foreign secretary.

Speaker 1: 27:08

I was scared for all of us because I just don't rate that man. Now what me and a friend were talking, she was like oh, but you know he's a black man and first black um, deputy prime minister. I said, yeah, but what has he done for us lately? You know, does it show diversity in labor or does it show second choice? Is it giving second choice? Does it matter that it gives second second choice? But personally for me and I know this may sound cynical that is the closest a black person is going to get to being prime minister here in the UK. Is that is the deputy. So I don't know if that's a win or it's the consolation prize, but what I do know is I don't rate David Lammy as an MP. So him being the deputy prime minister may be a win for him, because I guess he's set up for life now, but it's not a win for us as a community. I'm sorry it's not. It feels like a tick box exercise. It really does. Um, does it advance race relations discussion? No, but what it does do is distract from the race race issues in this country. I mean, it was last week I was talking about.

Speaker 1: 28:20

You know people weaponizing the St George's flag to be racist effectively and disguise it as protesting against immigrants, when actually it's just an opportunity for them to use their flag to be racist. Let's be real Racism in the UK is alive and kicking. It's healthy here. Okay, so I don't think David Lammy being the deputy prime minister now changes anything, because he's not going to talk the tings. He isn't. And from my last check, diane abbott is still suspended. What is that position? I need to go and check. So he's not. David lammy's not the type of person who uses his voice to advocate for his community. That's not him. He uses his voice to advance himself. Simple as that. Um, not all skin folk are kin folk, and just a point of correction. I believe that people are using the saint george's flag to protest against immigration and immigrants in this country that have come to this country, and it's not just about coming to this country illegally. I think it's a general thing and I just wanted to make that a point of correction.

Speaker 1: 29:35

Golden letters so some of us work in organisations where we get bonuses OK, and not everybody gets a bonus, like like I've worked in spaces, places before where you just get your basic salary and your base salary and no bonus. And it wasn't until I started, kind of like climbing the career ladder, I was getting the roles where you get bonus. Um, and I just want to say benefits and bonuses are two different things and I think it's really important that I make that clear because I think some people get easily distracted by what they think they get out of it. When something's illegally mandatory, like a pension, it's not a benefit, it's it's a legal, mandatory requirement to be in a workplace pension. Um, a bonus is discretionary, so it sits outside of what the conventional setup is. Um, a bonus is just that it's a bonus and we have something called golden letters where basically it's like in my old place we used to call it letter day and you'd get these golden letters, basically, and it tells you what your bonus is, if you have acquired any shares, if they offer shares Because, again, some people get shares as well as a bonus.

Speaker 1: 30:54

I don't know if there's places that give just shares, but I've not come across that, and where I work they offer well, it's not an offer, is it? They give you bonus and shares, right? So this country works on secrecy, so we don't have in the uk um, it's not common to share what you earn, even though they advertise. Some organizations advertise salary ranges, but if you get hired somewhere, you could be working with someone for like five, six years and you'd never know how much they get paid until they tell you, or if they advertise that person's job, but even then that doesn't tell you how much they get paid, because maybe what they advertise is not what the person started on and what, not what the person would have ended on. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1: 31:50

So I had a conversation with one of my colleagues Now one of my colleagues. I get on really well with her. Like we get on really, really well. We're building a really nice rapport, it's nice, we meet up outside of work and I really like her, she really likes me, we just get on really well. We have an alignment on our personal values and things like that. Actually, if it wasn't for work, we would kind of be building a friendship. And she's somebody who, um, was working for a really big organization outside of where we work and then joined. So basically we joined around the same time but I started a few months earlier than her, but we're considered like in the same intake trench trench, if that makes sense.

Speaker 1: 32:43

Um, so anyway, we recently had a conversation and I'm gonna call her Selena and I said Selena, I was just open with it because we were just talking about bonuses and stuff, and I was like Selena, I'm gonna ask you something, you don't have to answer it. I was like how much did you get a bonus? I should go? Oh, hang on, I'll tell you. I'm in front of my screen and I I didn't have an expectation whether she'd answered it or not, but I wasn't going to tell her mine if she didn't tell me. You guys know I've got trust issues.

Speaker 1: 33:13

So she told me and I told her how much I got, and she says well, that's not right, is it? Because not only do you work a lot harder, but you have the second biggest contract in the team, so your delivery will always be more than mine, is the first thing she said. I said you know, I respect your honesty. And she goes how do you feel that I have 5K more than you? And I was like, well, I'm not angry or disappointed. I I have 5k more than you and I was like, well, I'm not angry or disappointed. I just don't understand the justification.

Speaker 1: 33:43

But if we had more transparency over salaries then there'd be more open conversation about bonuses. Because because it's discretionary, they don't have to give it to you. So how they arrive at your bonus is almost secret because you've created a veil of secrecy around salaries. You've created a veil of secrecy around what people get in quote, unquote benefits. So the same will be for bonuses, and bonuses are not regulated in the same way as our employment contracts. That has our base salary. It's not as soon as something becomes discretionary, it's a choice.

Speaker 1: 34:22

So again, this is what I'm saying about this country being indemn in. It's so endemic this deceit, this racism, bias, discrimination, bias, discrimination. You create a space for that when you allow secrecy to flourish, and me and her now have kind of dismantled that. But it's about then what you do with that information, right? So we got the same amount of shares, and now the next conversation is about salaries. So I said listen, we're meeting up soon and I to know how much you earn and I'm going to tell you how much I earn.

Speaker 1: 35:00

And she goes okay, fine, I said, and the reason why I don't want to have discussion now is I want to have it face to face, but also as well, I just want to have an open discussion with you, and I just think body language and everything comes into play. And she agreed and she laughed. She goes I know what you're like, you're always, you know you're, you're reviewing, assessing, and I get that. And also, as well, I didn't know how I would receive her salary and I didn't know how she was going to receive mine. Um, so I want to caveat this by saying I got a very good bonus, considering right. So outside of who earned more, it's a good bonus.

Speaker 1: 35:37

I'm not. I'm not gonna lie, and I'm past this stage of being grateful to get a bonus. I worked really hard for it. So what I am grateful for is the blessing of being able to look after my child and be able to contribute to my household. I'm very grateful for that. I'm grateful for being able to navigate the way I have done to be able to be in this position. But I can't sit here and say I am so grateful that I even got a bonus, because actually I signed a contract where that was part of my contract. So, even though it's discretionary, I've given you no choice but to give me one because I've delivered on all my objectives. I've given you no choice but to give me one because I've delivered on all my objectives. And these are the very real conversations we need to have with ourselves, because they shame you out of questioning the reasons and the justification for their discretion.

Speaker 1: 36:28

If you call something discretionary, what you do is you remove the ability you're attempting to remove the ability of having to justify and evidence why you've arrived at that decision. Can you see where you have now a cycle that's being built? So, um, what my boss does is when we get our gold letters, then we have like an informal chat with him and he basically allegedly talks through kind of whether you're happy with it or not, and you can ask him any questions. So I said to him so after I found this out, that Selena earned more. What I wasn't going to do is say, oh, selena told me, da da, da nah. That's just immature. So what I did is I said to him we had a meeting.

Speaker 1: 37:12

So I said he said how do you feel about your bonus? I said, well, it was very interesting, because I don't know what it was measured against and I'm unable to assess how I feel about it because I don't know how much everybody else got and I don't know where the sliding scale is across the team. But what I do know is I have the second biggest contract in the team. What I do know is I've delivered against all my objectives. What I do know is all the recommendations I got from the directors that gave me a review was outstanding.

Speaker 1: 37:43

So for me, I don't know if this is a good bonus. I need for you to tell me if it is and how you've arrived at that decision and kind of what gave rise to, to this figure. And he said oh well, we have a pot and we have to divide it amongst the team. I said, yeah, but not all fingers are equal. He said pardon, I said, but not all fingers are equal. We're not all equal in terms of what we deliver, because not all of us have high value contracts or high value projects.

Speaker 1: 38:17

And I said when I started here. I was benched for two weeks and I've been all systems go since then and it's almost two years now. So I don't know, like what we're saying here. I mean, if I take who my intake trunch is Selena. I mean I wonder how much more or less we got than each other. He said, well, I wouldn't compare you to. I said I wonder how much more or less we got than each other. He said, well, I wouldn't compare you two. I said, no, I wouldn't either, because I've got the bigger project. And he just went quiet. And then I said to him it's interesting because I'd love to know the policy that you guys use as managers to decide who gets what.

Speaker 1: 38:59

He just went quiet, he didn't say anything and in that moment I already made a decision and my decision was this I'm not the type of person to throw my toys out the pram, but equally, I'm not a punk and I definitely know that we are being set up here because if we worked at the same level we worked this year, next year we're gonna get less money. I know this because he said this. He said this to Selena, but he's not telling us what we need to do to get more money and we don't know how we're being measured in comparison to everyone else. But there are a couple of things I do know and I did say this to Selena. I think pretty politics is involved, likeability politics is involved, and I definitely think that there's favouritism and I've got evidence for it because I am stupid and I said this to Selena.

Speaker 1: 40:07

I said, selena, you intrigue him and you intrigue him because you, the way you live your life and you're quite secretive and stuff like that, and I think this is why he he gives you a lot more opportunities than he dares to tell the team. But I know about this because you tell me, and it's unfair because whilst he's giving you more opportunities, he's not allowing us those opportunities that give us a greater opportunity to gain more, and I don't know why you're getting those opportunities over the rest of us. But I can only talk about myself here when you've clearly told me I'm a lot more experienced than you. I have a lot more experience in the field. You've only ever worked for one other company before here, whereas for me I have an extensive catalogue of where I've worked on, what I've delivered, especially transformation projects like big, big projects here that I could name and you would know about.

Speaker 1: 41:09

So I'm just this is not making sense to me, and when I have asked for additional stuff, when I've put him on the hook for my objectives, he's found a way to either wiggle out of it, which I've not allowed him to, because what's going to happen is, if this is a setup for next year, I'm going to get him, because he is. I I anchored some of my objectives on him being doing certain things, so in the way he's measuring me, me too, I'm measuring him. That's the truth of it. So, anyway, anyway, when I said this to selena, she agreed. She agreed she goes toya, I would kiss a bit of ass. I'm not gonna lie, I would, I would, I would, whereas you're not like that, you won't kiss ass, but you're probably, if I'm honest, one of the most respected people in the team because you don't kiss the assse, you deliver and you are quite happy to tell us and teach us how you do your thing.

Speaker 1: 42:01

But, in reality, part of the politics is being able to kiss some arse and there is that element of favouritism that you get as part of that bias when you work with someone, which I agree and I understand. Now, one thing with me is I'm not the type of person. I'm not here to convince you of what I do or who I am, and I'm not saying that my boss doesn't appreciate me, but I need monetary appreciation, in the exact same way as that verbal. So I had already decided that I'm going to start kind of opening up to the possibility of other opportunities and when the conversation arises as to why, I'm going to tell my boss exactly why and this is the feedback I will give to HR there needs to be transparency in the allocation of bonuses. Allocation of bonuses now.

Speaker 1: 43:08

I think for me or if this was Toya circa, I know, 2018, 2019 I would have just come out with everything, but that's not how I'm choosing to navigate. You know, the universe has of us, has a way of telling and showing you what your worth is to others, and you have to then deal with the, the. You then have to deal with the outcome of that, and for me, I don't think my boss doesn't value me. I'm not thinking that, but what I'm saying is I need monetary appreciation and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. You can't tell me or justify to me because Selena can't justify it why she got 5K more she can't. And for some of you you'll be like, oh, it's just 5K. No, it's not Just 5K, it isn't. It's the difference between do I stay or do I go, because I'm not saying that no one can get more than me. That's not what I'm saying here. I'm just saying that Selena has not delivered the impact that I have. She couldn't have because I have the second biggest contract in the team. She couldn't have. She didn't even get feedback from her stakeholders. I had key, pivotal stakeholders in delivery giving me reviews. My boss didn't even reference the review in his allocation of bonuses. He didn't even want.

Speaker 1: 44:33

And I've made a note of all of this. You people need to know how I move because I almost guarantee you HR are going to try and convince me to say I know the project, are the project will go mad if I was to go. They've already kind of said stuff like oh, so yeah, because I know how to do my job over and over. They know I've been here from the genesis. So who are you going to call Ghostbusters? Because, boy, and I am replaceable. Don't get it twisted. But there is currency in knowledge. There's currency in that experience. There is, and that is the leverage. So I'm not going to negotiate now Negotiation is going to come later but I've made a note of everything and I put it in my burn folder A hundred percent, because for me, I've gotten to a space in my career now where I feel like I can rip the bandaid off and be honest about why.

Speaker 1: 45:34

Now I've said to Selena if I got to that point where I would need to reference you, am I able to? And she said yeah, but I says I don't think I would. I don't think I need to. I just need to say I know that someone, or more than one person, who got more than me, and I don't like the lack of transparency in the allocation of bonuses. I don't, I don't see the policy that sits behind it. It's almost like you should be grateful and that doesn't work for me, because what you're doing are sowing seeds of prejudice and favouritism and I don't want to be a part of that. To be honest, and to be honest, I don't know any company that has a policy that sits behind the allocation of bonuses. But you know what I do know. I do know that I need fairness And'm a Libran and I've got ADHD. So justice, fairness, is actually intrinsic to my makeup and to who I am as a person. And if I, if I felt that that was fair, you wouldn't hear anything from me. But I don't think it is, because what is it based on? What I could I have a shopping list of deliverables. What I could I have a shopping list of deliverables. Selena don't have. That, she's honest. So, yeah, so I'm looking for other opportunities.

Speaker 1: 46:46

This is a to be continued conversation and if I'm around for the next round of golden letters and there is a madness, there will be a madness because I'll be going to HR with it and I'll be able to evidence what happened this year and that's how I'm moving now and how I've always moved. But the difference is I contracted for almost seven, eight years. I think it was seven years, seven years, something like that seven, eight years and I haven't been a perm employee for a really long time, so I haven't had to kind of be in this space and it's not nice. I don't like this. I don't like the lack of transparency. I don't, I really don't. I feel like when you're a contractor, there is a lot more transparency in your rate than there is going.

Speaker 1: 47:35

Perm and bonuses, I think. Salaries is slightly different, but bonuses and I can't operate like that if I'm honest and I am going to ask her about the year before because I feel like just open the whole fucking door and you know I don't care if there's favouritism, but not when it affects my money, because that affects my family and that affects everything. I've got investments, I've got things I need to do and want to do. I've got a company that I fund. I'm funding this stuff, all the extra stuff that I do I fund until it kind of funds itself. So I'm just being transparent here and honest and I just wanted to bring this to the forefront to raise some of the issues that sit behind bonuses and stuff.

Speaker 1: 48:18

And is this the reason why people don't share? Maybe, but actually I think they should, because if we already know there's a disproportionate, it's disproportionate in terms of salaries and things like that the pay disparity between men and women. Can you imagine the ethnic um, ethnicity, um pay gap? Can you imagine if they had to report on that mandatory and that pay gap also includes bonuses? Most organizations will be fucked and that's the truth. But it's something I'm definitely going to be speaking about more and I want and you know, I invite you to share your experiences. I want to hear from you guys. But this is a to be continued conversation because you see, one thing with me I'm not a punk. One thing I will definitely give the US is they're a lot more open about paying salary. The US are definitely a lot more open. It's less of a cloak and dagger conversation, they're they're just open. But again, I think that's the way this country operates. Secrecy lies in denial.

Speaker 1: 49:24

So, moving on, I um came across an article called the quiet thrill of not being for everyone, and it's by stephanie tyler, and I read this and oh god it was. It was freeing. It was a very nodding moment of whiplash, just the excitement of reading this article, and I'm going to link it in the show notes description and hopefully it will hyperlink so you can just click on it. And I need you all to read this. Just take the time to read it. If you don't want to read it, put it through.

Speaker 1: 50:02

Um, google, what's it called? What's google's ai? Is it genesis? Let me check. Let me check genesis. I think it is genesis. You know, google, or is it gemini? It might be gemini. It's not genesis, it's gemini. Yes, google, gemini. So what you could, if you could put the link into Google Gemini and it'll read it to you.

Speaker 1: 50:22

Oh, honey, honey, don't worry, I'm going to get into AI, apple and Google in a moment because I need to have that discussion with you guys. But I'm just, you know, I have dyslexia, so I need things. You know, sometimes I don't have the, I can't read stuff, so I need it to read it to me. Or sometimes I'm in the mood to read stuff, you know. So I'm here to make things easier, but, yes, the quiet thrill of not being for everyone. So, without kind of giving away everything, I just kind of want to give you some highlights about the article. And basically the article and I will refer to Stephanie as Tyler Basically the article and I will refer to Stephanie as Tyler.

Speaker 1: 51:00

So Tyler talks about the idea that we need to stop creating our personality and stop translating for people who never intended to understand us in the first place. It's about belonging to yourself, it's likeability versus clarity and it's about how we, as individuals, have been taught to perform since childhood. Now it also goes on to the article, also goes on to talk about this whole um thing about you know, we changing to match what others can tolerate. So it's almost like watering down things because you know, in order to be palatable, you need to kind of like create this personality that's amenable and accepting. It's not just about likability politics, it is about also being a chronic people pleaser.

Speaker 1: 51:54

So if, like me, you are very high functioning you grew up to be high functioning and social, attuned to certain situations, you become hyper aware of what others expect and you learn to read the room and it's almost like you have this internal algorithm whereby you kind of adapt the truth so it becomes, becomes acceptable. So you're never actually kind of being 100% honest. Really, you're kind of packaging the truth to not rock the boat and packaging the truth so that it's easily consumed. So it's almost like you know what the truth is but you need to mold it and bend it and fix it into a box so that your audience, who's receiving what you're saying, are able to digest it because you're making it palatable for them. So you're not actually being honest, you're being almost. You're almost manufacturing the truth and the delivery of that truth because it needs to kind of be socially acceptable and socially accepted into an audience in which you're seeking that likeability.

Speaker 1: 53:02

So Tyler then goes on to say that effectively, what happens is that you're fitting in how can I say it? And fitting in is often a long form apology for who you are. I'm going to repeat that. Titus goes on to say fitting in is often a long form apology for who you are. So it's everything I've just said, where you shape and bend and you know, and it's a continuous form of apology for who you are, form of apology for who you are, rather than just being honest in the delivery of what the truth is the way it is. She goes on to say that peace exists where performance used to live and you're choosing to be.

Speaker 1: 53:53

You need to then get to a space of shifting to authenticity and choosing to be authentic, even in subtle ways, and that it rewires your stress responses. So your nervous system will then learn um, that social disapproval, um builds resistance rather than um seeking a social approval that you're always chasing. Building your resilience to just kind of just being honest and just delivering the truth as it is builds that resilience and you get stronger from it because you kind of get used to the stress response that you feel inside of you because you're just delivering that truth. So when you then deliver it and you're you may get pauses and silences. You get used to the pauses and silences because you're just delivering that truth. So when you then deliver it and you're you know you may get pauses and silences. You get used to the pauses and silences because you understand that in doing that you're building up the resilience to continuously be your authentic self Again, as part of that shift to authenticity, you're building your interpretive immunity and you're coming home to yourself, trusting your understanding of yourself and irrespective of the fear of being misunderstood, and you kind of ease into this quote-unquote you know rebellion if you like, um.

Speaker 1: 55:15

So yeah it. I hope you understand. Understand this because as I was reading it, um, reading the article, and as I was taking notes and then I went ahead and put it through Gemini to listen to it, I just felt this comfort. It felt like reading this article felt like a warm hug, because I definitely feel this even more in my 40s and I started the journey in my 30s of this shift into authenticity. And you know, I think we all do it in.

Speaker 1: 55:50

You know, choosing, like you know, like these subtle ways of seeking approval. So, for example, when you say something like I do this, I do this and have done it. I don't do it much anymore where I'll say something and I'll say do you understand? And it's almost like I'm not asking do you understand? What I'm really saying is do you accept the truth as I'm delivering it? Is it comfortable for you, is it meanable, do you agree with me? Can I have, do I have, permission to be like this? Does this fall into the category of acceptable honesty?

Speaker 1: 56:24

And then I got to a point where I was like my honesty and my truth is what it is and if I am shifting into a space of authenticity, then I have to accept that for other people it may be uncomfortable and that's okay, and I'm okay with the eerie silence in the room once I deliver what is authentic to me because I'm being true to myself. And that includes when I don't know something, saying I don't know it. Even that level of honesty and that level of introspection enough to know that I don't know it and feel comfortable to say I don't know it even that level of honesty and that level of introspection enough to know that I don't know it and feel comfortable to say I don't know it makes people feel uncomfortable, because people operate from a space of falsehood and in it, in authenticity, and that's just not who I am. I've never been that person, I've never been able to fit into a box, I've never been able to be amenable, I've never just accepted what people believe is the truth. And to step out of that and say, well, this is who I am, take it or leave it, is exhilarating, because you can still be professional. Even that word is like oh, but you can still be expert, you can still be whatever it is that you are and be honest and be truthful. Um, two things can be right at this, true at the same time. And I feel like, rather than see authenticity as a rebellion, why can't we see authenticity as people just being comfortable in themselves and true to themselves? We live in a society that shifts things under the carpet so they don't have to deal with the truth of what that reality looks like. And the truth can be said in life, in relationships, even outside of work.

Speaker 1: 58:08

A very honest conversation with somebody who for a long time I thought was a real friend, only to find that this person is not even honest with themselves, and to watch it and to know it and to confront it was really hard, because if you are not honest and true to yourself, how are you going to be honest and true to me? I'm asking you to do something you can't do for yourself? That's fucking crazy talk. But what would continue to be inauthentic is me not addressing that with you in the true essence of the truth of what it is. And I confronted it and I said it exactly how it was like unfiltered. This is it. This is how it made me feel, this is what I think and everything. And the response was the response seemed like accountability, but what it was? It was accountability wrapped in. It was accountability wrapped in what appeared to be introspection but was none.

Speaker 1: 59:13

Sometimes, being authentic is also having difficult conversations and knowing that difficult conversations need to be had in order to move forward. Um, and I realized that this person can't even have difficult conversations because they're not honest. This person is just not honest to themselves, to people around them, and I feel like I can't move. I can't have that in my life. I can't. I can't have people who you can be inauthentic if in your own life, but when I'm confronting you with authenticity and honesty and you can't meet me on that frequency, I can't move with you anymore because I don't trust you, I don't trust your opinions, I don't trust your judgment, and it's not even about oh, then you're fake. You're just not honest. Like what the fuck? Like why, why are you just even with yourself? You know that level of introspection that you need to be able to say all right, I don't want to have this conversation. It's such a difficult conversation. I have it, and the reason I'm going to have this difficult conversation because this person has come to me with this and in order to move forward and in order for us to be able to move. But maybe people don't want to move forward, so that's why they're in. Author.

Speaker 1: 1:00:31

I don't know, but whatever it is, the quiet thrill of not being for everyone has meant that I also recognize that I am not for everyone and I recognize that a while ago. But I recognize that in given situations where I am just called for an opinion or placed in a situation where I am just authentic and whilst we navigate strategically, you can still be authentic in how you do that. For me it's about respect and it's about honesty. And outside of that and outside of the world of work, it's about loyalty, and I've said this before. Loyalty is the fundamental cornerstone of my personality loyalty, peace and honesty. And then everything else that is obvious, that is understood, that need not be explained, follows after that. So it often means that, yeah, I don't have a lot of people around me, but I'm not willing to do the dance that I don't need to do. I'm low iron, I don't want to fucking dance. I want to count coins and drink virgin mojitos. I can't.

Speaker 1: 1:01:46

I, I personally cannot operate in chaos, because there was a lot of chaos around me with a narcissistic mum and now I'm no contact. I don't have that noise. I don't have that. I can't operate in chaos, I just can't. If you meet my daughter, you will know that chaos cannot live with us. She lives a very, she's very peaceful. You know she's a bold personality, but there is peace. So I can't have chaos. So even in workspace, I can't operate in chaos. I can't be that level of stress and cortisol Is it cortisol or cortisol? Whatever I can't Peace lives here. Whatever I can't Peace lives here.

Speaker 1: 1:02:39

So this article, the Quiet Thrill of Not being for Everyone, by Stephanie Tyler, is something that I think that will resonate with you, not just in the world of work, but just also in life, and I think it's important that we have these conversations, especially as we're talking about navigating the world of work and what you're looking for, because some people are happy to, to to work in, in these stress levels, but their nervous system is saying otherwise. And whilst no organization is perfect and I don't think anyone is ever looking for perfection I think what we're looking for is a space to exist as your authentic self, a space to exist in peace and a space to exist whereby dot, dot, dot. You finish the sentence. That's what I think. Yeah, so go ahead and read the article. Let me know your thoughts. I'm just so interested to hear what people think of this article, because I just found it like I said. It was like a warm hug. That's how it felt reading it, and I wish that it could be a think piece for team meetings, because you get to see what people think of the truth.

Speaker 1: 1:03:57

Do you need a bit of non-truth to be able to survive in the world of work? And I don't agree with that. I think you just need to be strategic in how you navigate, and that doesn't require the lack of authenticity. I don't. I think we know and understand how to play the political game, or at least we know it exists. So, even if you don't know how to play it, you know it exists. Developing the strategy and navigating the world of work is what I teach here, is what I've done for years. So, in knowing that, how are you able to kind of mature as employees, as business owners, still remain true to yourself, but be strategic in how you navigate? That's what we're doing here, right, I think it's what we're doing here anyway. The quiet thrill of not being for everyone by Stephanie Tyler link in the show notes.

Speaker 1: 1:04:54

So Apple launched their annual conference of the plethora of new devices that they're going to be launching this September 2025. And Apple really pissed me off, and let me just explain this. I'm an Apple girl, right? I've got the AirPods, airpod Maxes, I've got a desktop, I've got a laptop, I've got iWatch. What else do I have in game? I am part of the Apple ecosystem, as many of us are, and mobile.

Speaker 1: 1:05:33

I tried Android. Me and Android, we just don't go together. Okay, I tried, it was a lot. Okay, I think I almost had a breakdown. I cannot. Oh, it was a lot. Android users I don't know for you people. Anytime I see someone with an Android, I just think they must drink a lot of panadol that's what I tend to think because I think their android phones are headaches. I just don't, I can't, I can't. There's some people are for android, some people apple I'm apple and apple basically have launched all this stuff.

Speaker 1: 1:06:13

They have live translation on the new Apple AirPods Pro 3. And the technology is fantastic. If it works the way they say. It works literally. You can have your AirPods in someone speaking a different language to you. Your AirPods will translate lower it so that you can hear the person but also hear what Apple is telling you. Is the translation Technology day Wala day. So Google Translate, bruv. That's in direct competition with Google Translate, isn't it? Because even when you want to speak to the person, you can then show them your phone, or you could like show them your phone and it will translate like what you want to say, or it will say it for you in that language. Bro, technology, ah me, I'm still remembering blackberry I was about to say burberry, blackberry, um.

Speaker 1: 1:07:10

But I say all this to say I'm really disappointed in apple innovation, because we have chat gpt, you have co-pilot, you have google gemini, um, I'm sure there's many, many other um, ai um technology, but I'm really disappointed in siri. I don't. Was it called siri for apple? I don't even know what it's called. I feel like apple needs to step up because Google have stepped up.

Speaker 1: 1:07:37

And if you don't believe me, go ahead and check out Google Gemini and see how it works, especially on the desktop, and I think you can use it on your phone in the same way. But I use Gemini typically on my laptop. Check out, it's absolutely amazing. The technology that Gemini possesses is fantastic, and I'm talking about from being able to like it. Does this thing right where you could put an article in and it can create a five minute podcast talking about the themes and everything and then discussing, like different topics around the article, that for somebody who's who has dyslexia or any form of learning difficulty, do you know how transformative that is? And and the technology is only evolving, and the only disappointing thing about google is their phones are not reaching the level in which their technology is.

Speaker 1: 1:08:34

I don't particularly like the google phone. I do think it imitates a lot of apple, but it's weird. It's just not. Again, it falls under android, in my opinion. Um, it is android, I think. Yeah, it does run on. See, I don't even know again about android, I only know about apple. But apple are disappointing because I just feel like they should. They should be the leaders in that technology space in terms of ai, and I just don't think they are. I think chat gbt is absolutely fantastic in the way it works, when it works, but gemini gemini is doing doing doing things bruv. So, um, apple tend to come out with technology every year and I do think they have like mid-year reveals as well, but the big one is in September.

Speaker 1: 1:09:19

But we all know like Apple has had quite a few lawsuits allegedly slowing down older devices to force you to buy new devices. For example, how many different ways are you going to insert a camera on your devices? How many different ways are you going to, you know, stretch out the phone if it's not pro max, max is pro max. If you know, come on like we need something different. I can't believe that meta came out with the glasses and apple haven't. Apple are prime for that. Like one thing is with apple, they will always have razzmatazz. If you see this conference that they delivered today in terms of the new um, new iphones, new headphone, um, new apple phones, new watches are razzmatazz. They have money. That marketing team have a fat off budget. What the cinematic photography, the actors, the? The aesthetic of apple you're buying into? The aesthetic? No lie, it is the aesthetical, because even me, I was looking.

Speaker 1: 1:10:28

I have to upgrade this phone every three years. I I change my phone. I buy my phones outright, by the way. To me it just works better and for my business and everything. It just works better for me. But it's because my Apple, I've got an Apple 14 Pro Max. They've discontinued it. Now they've developed this new chip Is it A10? Whatever the fuck it is and it's just my phone now. It's just my phone now. It's just slow, it's just doing all the tings. So I have to upgrade.

Speaker 1: 1:10:59

I haven't got a choice because I can't have a slow phone and I try to get a new case for it from apple and fuck, they've discontinued it. Don't tell me to go on amazon. Sometimes I just want to go to apple in it and just get the ting. Just leave me the fuck alone.

Speaker 1: 1:11:07

Um, but I'm just not impressed with apple's innovation. I'm not impressed with like I'm bored. I'm bored of the same old device upgrades. I'm just bored. But when you're trapped in the ecosystem. There's nowhere to go. So my silent protest is no, I'm not going to get a phone every year. It'll be every three years and maybe even every four years, or until you force me to a point where you've upgraded this chip so much. I'm going to have to change, and that's exactly where I'm at now. Right, but it's a shame, because I feel like one of the best phones out there was BlackBerry, and unfortunately, blackberry was discontinued. I can't remember the reason why, but I feel like Apple.

Speaker 1: 1:11:44

If I could just give you some advice in terms of technology, right, I think you need to kind of join forces with the creators of BlackBerry, because I think they don't do phones anymore, but they operate in a different space still in technology. I think that you need to hook up with BlackBerry. I think that there is something about your devices that I feel that you could benefit from BlackBerry, and I think this is a BlackBerry making a comeback in collaboration. Something Do something innovative. Because the millennials am I a millennial? I think I am. I'm not, I'm definitely not Gen Z, but there is a market for the BlackBerry to adopt something in Apple. So it will be Apple adopting something in BlackBerry, and I think there is something there, but we are getting bored now. You're not hitting them record sales in terms of phones that you were doing before.

Speaker 1: 1:12:33

Some some people still are lining up, but that's because of the nostalgia of what Apple is and in reality, I don't think Apple will have the longevity it has now if it continues in this space moving like this, because it's not innovative, it's not groundbreaking, it's fucking boring. It's not groundbreaking, it's fucking boring. We just like the razzmatazz of your yearly reveals because I don't know if you're gonna fly in a SWAT team. I don't know if you're gonna parachute the, the phone from Mars, I don't know. But I want to know what you're doing so that I can say, ah, oh, I want to get involved in the conversation. Um, when people are saying, oh, have you seen it? Yeah, but that's all good and everything, but in terms of kind of being the market leaders of innovation, apple isn't but google. Google are doing the things. Pay attention to google. If you need to buy some shares, it's google, because they are moving and shaking in a way that should be making Apple feel very uncomfortable.

Speaker 1: 1:13:35

But that is my technology segment, delivered live and direct from the Toy Talks podcast. I hope that all makes sense, but I'm really passionate about technology. I love tech. I can't lie. If you see my office, my husband calls me tech support. But I like things, I like things, I like, I like tech. I will go to these tech conventions. You know I'm a big, committed geek.

Speaker 1: 1:14:04

But I think the issue that we have with technology we have market leaders and unfortunately not leading. So what happens is people then start thinking that they can have the benefit of an Android and then maybe run back. But I don't know. But Google, there's an opportunity here. There is a gap that Apple are leaving wide open, and I don't know whether you're going to have to headhunt some of the tech developers in Apple. I don't know what you're going to do, google. But having a great AI platform but having a shit phone is not working either. Yeah, we need hand in hand. Talk to BlackBerry, bring it back. There is a market, there is a gap, there is a need. We will support you. I say we, but no, it's not like y'all told me, but I'm just creating another avenue for consideration here, because it's not like y'all told me. But I'm just creating another avenue for consideration here, because it's not me telling you the problem without trying to give you some type of a solution or at least a suggestion. Can you see what I've just done now? Technology direct Moving on?

Speaker 1: 1:15:06

Y'all know I love me some Cardi B. I love Cardi B. And then when I found out she was a Libra and it made so much sense because I understand her Like when she says stuff, I get it. And then when I found out she was a Libra and I was like, yeah, I get it. Girl, I love her. Bad there. I think she's amazing and I love her story. I loved her on Love and Hip Hop. See her shining and wiling and doing her thing is amazing. I love that growth, I love. I love her success because it was authentic. It was her and she's always remained true to herself. She definitely is an authentic queen in terms of like who she is. She's unapologetically her and I feel like that's contributed to her success in music, in in everything she touches, when she is being herself and she's not creating a personality she wins.

Speaker 1: 1:15:59

So recently she was in the headlines because she was slammed with a civil lawsuit against her for battery and assault. The alleged victim claimed that at the doctor's office in which Cardi B was pregnant with her last born child and this woman was allegedly filming her at the doctor's office. So you know, as you would expect, cardi B got really angry. They got into a heated discussion, discussion, heated argument, sorry and they were separated. But the woman alleges that Cardi B struck her and it just didn't happen. And Cardi B was like listen, I was pregnant. There was no way I I that that this could happen. There was no witnesses in the doctor's um office that corroborated the the alleged victim's um accusation. She then decided that the alleged victim decided to sue Cardi B for what I believe is $24 million and she lost. Yeah, they basically said we believe you, cardi, we don't think you battered or assaulted this alleged victim. There was a heated exchange, but that was about it. There was no assault.

Speaker 1: 1:17:09

Cardi B then took to the steps of the courthouse to basically say listen, I didn't touch this woman and Cardi B, throughout the court process, was just like she was just herself and there was a lot of speculation that she was pregnant. When she was, she was in court and obviously she's no longer with Offset, all of that, all of that, all of that. But Cardi said something that was really poignant and she basically said listen, I did not touch this woman and this was a fucking money grab. And she basically said listen, I'm happy that the court, the judge, the jury, they could see through this woman. But let me be very, very, very clear. I could counter sue this woman, but I'm not going to do that now. I'm going to be nice Because at the end of the day, I've missed my children's first day at school. I missed part of their summer because I was having to deal with this court case and my lawyers. I paid all this money to lawyers.

Speaker 1: 1:17:55

But I'm being clear is what cardi said the next person that frivolously makes a claim against me that is false, I will counter sue. And it just reminded me of 50 cent, because 50 cent lives, it, breathes it. He be about it. If you sue this man frivolously, he will counter sue and he will take you for everything you don't have. He did it with tiara. He ain't having it.

Speaker 1: 1:18:23

And I feel like when you're a celebrity, you need to be clear about where your boundary is. And I love that for cardi because basically she's saying make a false um claim against me. It's a money grab, i'ma grab what you don't have. And I feel like a lot of us need to adopt that attitude, because I definitely do. I have that vex money. Come for my brand, come for me, be crazy, we're gonna court. I'm not even. I can't be bothered with ah, you're with this, you're're that, tiktok, live, it's all shit. Sometimes you've got to tell people I'm going to take it there, where you don't have the funds to deal with the repercussions of your stupidity. That's where we're going to take it, and I think even us as citizens, human beings.

Speaker 1: 1:19:10

You know we're not celebrities, but people will try and come for your business and you have to be ready to go, because some of these people are fucking crazy about your coming on the internet to say make false, what. That's crazy. But I think we could learn from these, these celebrities, rather than go back and forth, just make an application to the court. It's long for people because they think, oh, it won't go there. Listen, it will go where you take it, simple, um. So big shout out to cardi b congratulations on your win. Hopefully you can put a line under this and I love, like what she said on sit she goes. Listen my fans. Don't look for this woman. Don't cuss out her family, don't drag her, don't do this, don't do this. I want to put a line under this and move on. But hear me, hear me, come for me again. Anyone, you're fictitious litigant. Come for me with your frivolous claims. I'm a counter suit and you know, in america, once they counter sue, ah and she's, she's sued before. Um, didn't she? Um, she can't be sued. That um, what's that woman's name? I can't remember her name, but I can see her face and basically, woman declared bankrupt. Cardi b is not to be fucked with. She can learn a lot from 50 cent, because 50 cent, I'll play that either. Um, facial recognition technology.

Speaker 1: 1:20:25

So I think I mentioned before yeah, I did, I mentioned that sainsbury's are introducing facial recognition technology and what they're saying is it's a deterrent, because they have a lot of shoplifting, they lose a lot of money every year, so for them, that facial recognition technology basically will support them in protecting their business. But in not in hall carnival they introduced facial and I say introduced facial recognition. I think they were doing it before, but this is the time where they officially said listen, this is what we're doing. And they found that crime during night in hill carnival was low next to, you know, in comparison to last year. But it often acts as a deterrent more than anything else, and it allows, you know, law enforcement to be able to arrest um and diffuse and mitigate what would have been really dangerous situations by using this facial recognition technology and intercepting criminals, identifying criminals as well, before they they, you know, re-offend, or those who have offended, to capture them and arrest them for crimes committed.

Speaker 1: 1:21:30

And I think the problem with facial recognition is to do with the technology and it's to do with the fact that your face, whether you're innocent or not, is captured within this technology. And for those of you who don't know that discrimination sits within AI as well and the way it's programmed. There are prejudices that AI technology has and I'm quite happy to do a whole segment about AI technology, but for the purposes of this topic of facial recognition technology, it can be misused, especially because of how it's being programmed. So I think that we are going to see a massive rollout of many companies that will use facial recognition technology. It does give, big brother state. It does give. We are watching you, you are under surveillance and it does give dangerous if not managed correctly.

Speaker 1: 1:22:25

There needs to be some legislation that sits behind facial recognition technology, but again, labor are lazy, so will there be? I don't know. I don't necessarily think so until something goes wrong or there's a massive miscarriage of justice. Then maybe you'll see some reform policy. You know we love medicine after date here in the uk, so that's where I think that that is heading. Um. But it's a dangerous game when you don't have the legislation that sits behind technology that you're hoping to rely on to to convict people or for people to go through the legal process, unless you have policy and legislation that will sit behind this technology that you are planning now to roll out on a massive scale and, as innovation and technology develops, facial recognition will now be a part of our society and our everyday. This facial recognition technology, if misused, is dangerous and I don't need to elaborate more than that. I think we all know. You know what I'm pointing at here, but let's see what happens.

Speaker 1: 1:23:29

I just wanted to raise it here on the Toya Talks podcast. Also, I want to introduce you, to quickly introduce you, to a concept called job hugging and it's the idea that, um, so basically it's the opposite to job hopping. So imagine, job hopping is you know you hop from one job to another, you know you don't have that kind of affiliation or emotional connection to any job, so you just hop around and it's seen as quite negative. Me personally, I think if it's strategic, it can allow you to climb up the career ladder, because one could say that during my, my consulting contracting days, I was job hopping, but my thing is, the maximum I stay at a place would be a year and I'd move on, type thing. So one can see that and I feel like in the UK we use a lot of labels to restrict people, because how dare somebody climb the career ladder without being controlled by a system that has been created to stifle your growth. It's just fucking crazy.

Speaker 1: 1:24:30

But job hugging is the idea that you're holding on to your job really tight because the current market is not great. It's not an employee's market, it's more of an employer market. But actually holding on to that job and hugging it tightly means that you're just finding a way to navigate your current situation at work and, from an employer perspective, they're not getting the talent and the skills. So what they're doing now is, through job hugging, they are also kind of reciprocating the hug, if you like, and holding on to staff by investing time and money in advancing training to get people to a skill level that is required for an organisation or for a particular role. So job hugging is effectively staying put. It's the idea that there is a mutual exchange of hugs whereby you know the market is very volatile, so you want to stay where you are and it's not safe to kind of venture out, especially because there's not enough roles or roles are not paying what they should be or there has been mass redundancy. So it's affecting the market directly and it's flooding the market with um job hunters, um, yeah, yeah with with potential employees. So you're hugging this job and in response to the, the lack of skill within a, a particular industry, an organization, are finding the money. Because you know, organizers always say you ain't got no learning development fund, they're always lacking something, there's a blood clot problem. But they're saying, actually we're going to hug you back and we're going to invest time in you to get you to that skill set. And whilst we keep hugging each other, this relationship becomes mutually beneficial job hugging. So I thought I'd tell you that in case you hear it, just on the off chance. You know me, I'm always trying to spit that knowledge to you.

Speaker 1: 1:26:16

So, moving on, a black woman inventor her name is Bree says a white woman stole her hair clip idea, then sued her. So I am reading this from high level conversations underscore on Instagram. So a black woman entrepreneur called Bree designed a magnetic clip made to hold braids and locks. After another woman, kristen, began selling a nearly identical product. So Bree spoke out and, in response, kristen decided to file a lawsuit. A federal judge then issued a partial gag order restricting both women from discussing the matter, and legal experts have already raised concerns about the constitutionality of the order of the of the order. The case is now being seen as part of a larger pattern where black women create, their ideas, are copied and then they defend themselves and the system is used against them and this kind of like leads me to something else and I really want to talk about that because I'm actually following that case. So I'll let you know kind of what happens with that case, um, because I am following it. Um, and it's going back into court. Obviously there's now a gag order, but it is going back into court and obviously there needs to be a judgment made about who owns the pattern.

Speaker 1: 1:27:44

And I don't know how it necessarily works in the US I have to do a bit more research about that but I definitely know how it works here in the UK and I believe I remember Adeola Patron shared that she basically she has a brand called Kumi Kumi, kubi Kubi Kumi I can't remember what it's called and basically she went to go and register with Companies House and she found that somebody has registered the business and I made a note that I would kind of talk about how to set up a business and the things you need to do from a legal perspective, all the stuff you need to do, um, not just from a legal perspective, but kind of what I have learned through kind of having my business at Toy Talks, um, and having my business as a consultant as well. So I kind of want to give you guys some tips, because I know there's people out there that want to set up a business, or you have a small business or whatever. Maybe you haven't done the things that you need to do. So I'm definitely going to come at it from both angles. It's something I definitely want to share.

Speaker 1: 1:28:43

I've been making notes, um, so that will be in a future episode, because I definitely think people also need to know. There's so many people that their businesses are vulnerable because they haven't done the paperwork, and it can be really daunting, intimidating, but the paperwork doesn't need to be. You can actually do it. You don't actually have to hire someone, but you have to know you need to do it as well. So I'm hopefully going to be giving you that knowledge. So it's to be continued.

Speaker 1: 1:29:09

But definitely after I read about Brie and you know her design being basically copied by another entrepreneur inventor I definitely wanted to give you guys some advice about things that you need to do, like non-negotiables when setting up a business, things you need to look out for like the legal stuff here in the UK and I don't know how relevant it will be for those of my listeners internationally, but there are going to be things that are agnostic of country that you should just do anyway. So that is a future episode yet to come and will be coming. I'm excited for that one. Um, I have run out of time. I say run out of time it's because you know I have a certain time in which I want to deliver this without going on and overflogging certain issues. Y'all know what I'm like and I'm dyslexic, my attention span and all of that all of that, but also in a in the next episode or a future episode.

Speaker 1: 1:29:59

I do want to talk about the equality act 2010 in terms of how it defines disability and what is categorized as a disability, because I don't know if you're aware, but the definition of disability under the Equality Act 2010 of the UK actually considers people who are neurodivergent as being categorised as a disability. So people who have autism, adhd, dyslexia, dyspraxia, yeah. So today I actually did a course, I found a course I had done on equal, on the equality act 2010, because, um, I wanted to increase my knowledge. It's important to know, and, whether you've made a disclosure to your employer or not, you are still protected. Yeah, yeah, we're gonna get into that future conversation. I'm very excited. Anyway, I'm gonna leave. Leave it there. I think we've covered everything that I wanted to discuss on this week's episode of the Toy Talks podcast, but, of course, before we wrap everything up, I do want to say a couple of things.

Speaker 1: 1:31:04

Y'all know how much I love the Toy Talks podcast. We've been on this journey since I recorded my first episode in 2019. We went live in 2020. So this is 2025. So it's about five years this podcast has been going on for, and I love it. I love doing it, I love delivering it and also I really enjoy just kind of being able to teach, advise and educate black women all, all women as we navigate the world of work and highlight the path of our success. That is the aim, that is the goal. As part of that, obviously you guys will remember that I introduced um an opener to the podcast and you guys absolutely love it. I love it too when I hear the opener, and especially for so long. I never had an an opener, if you all remember, I would read quotes and sometimes I still do that. But I just got to a point where I was like, okay, we're ready to have that.

Speaker 1: 1:32:01

I think I needed just to solidify the podcast and go on the journey of what the podcast is, was and has evolved to. And as part of that, I have also updated the logo. We have a new, improved, upgraded logo which I designed myself. So it's based, obviously, on the original design and the half a face is symbolic of every other woman who can identify with the podcast, who sees the podcast as a safe space. It represents every woman who understands the complexities of navigating the world of work. It represents every woman who is understanding and learning every day how to navigate the world of work. Half a face is my face and the other side of the face is every other woman who is strategically working in a in in in the world of work, and we're just trying to figure it out and we're on the journey. Um, as part of that, obviously, I've upgraded the logo. I've done a social media health check.

Speaker 1: 1:33:11

So, if you go on the Toy Talks Instagram page, which is toy underscore talks, I'm going to be uploading a lot more content. I'm going to be recapping episodes, quotes from episodes, inspirational things that I see, anything that work related that I feel like aligns with the ethos and the objective of the podcast I'll be posting. I'll be active on Instagram stories, um, and you'll be seeing a lot more from the Toy Talks podcast. Um, every Wednesday, brand new episode, as long as there is something to discuss that I think is quite pertinent to the podcast. Um, as I am with everything, I'm intentional. I'm intentional with my life, I'm intentional with myself, I'm intentional with my businesses, and Toyotalks is one of my passions. That I love doing, and we have had peaks and troughs, waves, and highs and lows, but something I hold true to is what it has done in terms of its transformative ability to transform people's careers and lives, and I have the testimonials. I have the testimonials. I have the testimonies and I'm so grateful for the impact that Toyotalks has made in the world of work and in the lives of women. It just makes me so proud and I'm so grateful to the ancestors for using me as a mouthpiece to be able to deliver a podcast that could just change people's lives, their working lives. So, yeah, you're going to see me a lot more active on Instagram, on TikTok and I'm really excited Toya Talks, where global truths meet the realities of work. That's where we're at.

Speaker 1: 1:34:45

Of course, I announced last week Sister Scribble is my stationary company. It's my new stationary company. I announced, announced it last week. I will be launching it in October, which coincides with my birthday month, but also coincides with Black History Month, uk. It's a stationary brand that is unique. Wait until you see it all. It also has an Instagram page, which is sister scribble. A website will be coming in October. I'll be selling notebooks, journals, manifestation, motivational cards. I will be selling everything stationary that you can imagine.

Speaker 1: 1:35:23

With the twist of what Sister Scribble is and what it stands for. I just am so excited about the future. I'm working hard, I'm doing the things. I'm wearing different hats, I'm in my creative bag and I'm working hard. I'm doing the things. I'm wearing different hats, I'm in my creative bag and I'm enjoying it. I'm enjoying this journey and I just hope that you can all come on the journey with me. If you are on social media, follow me. My personal Instagram page is Toya underscore Washington. My Instagram page is Toya underscore talks and, of course, sister Scribble. It's Sister Scribble, all one word. I'm also on TikTok. Toya underscore talks and, of course, sister Scribble it's Sister Scribble, all one word. I'm also on TikTok. Toya underscore Washington.

Speaker 1: 1:35:58

If you have a work related or life related dilemma, your anonymity will be protected. We will advise you here on the podcast. Just tell me what your objective is. What is it that you want to achieve as a possible outcome to your dilemma? Email hello at toyattalkscom. We do have an email address as well for my stationery company, which is hello at. Sisterscribblecom Launches in October. Come on the journey. Follow us on social media. I'm excited. I hope you all are. Thank you so much for listening and I'll see you next week.

Speaker 2: 1:36:48

Breaking barriers, redesigning time From Tottenham Roads to CEO Every step, teaching what we know, not just surviving but thriving more. Opening every closed door. Toya Talks, toya Talks, toya Talks. Black Queens to the top. And we're still going.